Hello and welcome to Let's Be Open podcast. My name is Daniel and here with me tonight is the lovely Monet. Monet, how are you?
Monet:Hey there. Good evening. I'm doing great. How about yourself?
Daniel:Pretty good. Pretty good. So welcome to our podcast.
Monet:This, we've been talking
Daniel:about this, we've been talking about this for quite a while, and so I'm happy that this is. Become a reality. So just off the bat, Monet and I are not a married couple, but we are best buds who happen to meet in the lifestyle. And we just thought it would be a fun project for us to get together and do this. So I'm excited. How are you feeling about all this?
Monet:I'm very excited. I've had many friends, acquaintances expressed to me about how they would like for there to be a podcast that's very genuine and just to share and to learn and to encourage each other on this. Journey, this very interesting, fun, and fulfilling journey. So yeah, I'm excited for us to get started and do this and cover all kinds of fun topics.
Daniel:Yeah. Just right off the bat, you're going to hear a lot of topics that are regarding the lifestyle and swinging, but also polyamory. I don't have a lot of experience with polyamory but you do.
Monet:I have a little.
Daniel:I think as far as like experience and stories, you got me there. I know it's not like a race. We don't compare notes, but exactly. Yeah. You and your husband have more of a lifestyle than my wife and I.
Monet:We're just in a different season of life. And everyone has different seasons. Everyone has different times. We all grow at different rates and that's what I really enjoy and appreciate about the lifestyle is there's no right way or wrong way to do it. And I can, since I've been involved for so long, I can say I've pretty much seen the spectrum from very conservative to, of the soft swapping only, which in case you don't know what that is, the soft swapping would be that you are intimate with your partner. In the same room with other people. So that would be a soft swap all the way to where we're at and even beyond people involved in polyamorous relationships, which is other loving relationships, not necessarily only. physical and sexual relationships. So we've seen a lot.
Daniel:Yeah. Like when and we'll get into this for a minute, but like when my wife and I were talking about getting into the lifestyle, there wasn't a lot of podcasts like there is now. Now there's a ton of them. There's a lot of great resources out there and it makes a lot more easier. To act access that, those resources for sure. but yeah. But again, this is, like a fun topic. We're not experts. I'll put that out there right now. We're just going based off our experience what we have seen and learned in the last few years. So right away for tonight's episode, we're just gonna get an introduction on how. Myself and my wife got into the lifestyle and how Monet and her husband got into the lifestyle. And so I'll just ask you right off the bat, how did that conversation come about between you and your significant other? Was
Monet:it his? Yeah, so a little bit of background first. So I met a, I will call him a for, to respect his privacy. We met online dating and a dating site. It wasn't a hookup site. It was an actual dating site for single parents. I was a single parent at that time. And so was he obviously and I had come from a very conservative background, very religious and very conservative. And when I met Alex, I liked him right away. I knew I wanted him to be around in my life. Didn't, I didn't know at that time what that would mean or what it would look like. But shortly after we met, probably within the first couple of weeks, he said to me that he had some deviant ideas about relationships. And I found that word to be intriguing. And I was like what do you mean by that? And he said to me let's say you and I are in a committed relationship and you go out. for a girl's night with your friends and you're drinking and you're dancing and you're having a great time and then you accidentally trip and fall on another man's tool. It could happen right ladies? It happens. Anyway, he said, I wouldn't be happy about that. He said, but for me, it wouldn't necessarily be a deal breaker. He said, I would want to explore that. and dig deeper to find out if that action was symptomatic of something deeper, if maybe I had needs that were not being met if it was just the alcohol, maybe I just got swept away in the moment. He, gave a myriad of scenarios and I was very intrigued by that. I had never heard anyone say anything like that. And I was like, wow. Okay. Interesting. Yeah, that's what he said. And then from there it just went
Daniel:did that lead to a lot of deep conversations? Oh yeah, for sure. Okay. Yeah.
Monet:I was cautious again, coming from a very conservative background. I was cautious. I was intrigued, but I was also cautious. I felt that his words were very refreshing, especially because the other factors, my previous relationship had been with a very controlling person. Who tried to control my interactions with other people, whether they were male or female, even with my own family. So it was definitely a breath of fresh air and something that was unfamiliar and new, but I was cautious as well. Because I, again, I was a single parent. I had kids at home. They were not littles. They were already teenagers, but still, I wanted to be respectful of them. And, but at the same time, I was intrigued by this man and the things that he said. So basically that was just the initial conversation. And he has excellent listening skills. And that conversation led to me sharing what was, I thought at the, at that time, my deepest darkest secret. I finally felt comfortable enough to. Share with him. And it was the first time I was speaking out loud to anyone. I had never shared this with anyone that, in fact, I had an attraction to women. And in my mind, I was being very vulnerable and possibly even risking the future of this relationship even before it really got started. But fast forward 12 years now, and to be honest, we're living then. Our best lives and thanks that's thanks in large part to the lifestyle because our belief at least me and a, the lifestyle is about creating the relationship that works for us. That's why I said earlier, there's no rules. There's no white right way or wrong way. Obviously consent. That's the hugest, the biggest thing. Consent people that are of age, other than that, it's whatever. Works for you and your partner.
Daniel:Absolutely. Yeah. I think that's where it starts from. It starts from communicating with your significant other. Cause the one thing about the lifestyle, it, there's a lot of fun to be had, but it will, you're what's going on. We've met couples in the past where you can see little holes. And then most of them, the ones that we did, not all the couples that we've come across, but the ones that we noticed little holes in their relationship most of them didn't make it, went on their separate ways and, wish them the best, wish them happy life and whatever. But it's just but it's interesting. Yeah. And that's where it starts. It starts with communicating.
Monet:Communication is crucial to the lifestyle. And just as you said to seize on what you shared a little bit, every time a and I meet new people that are new to the lifestyle I'm always I always try to be encouraging as much as possible, but I also want to let them know that the lifestyle will not save their relationship. Just as you said, what's going to happen. And this absolutely happened to us on numerous occasions. So more than once, whatever weaknesses are in your relationship, they will be not only exposed, but also magnified. So if you are not courageous enough to buckle down and do the work, the inner self work to look at your own issues, yeah, you're not going to make it. But if you're willing to look at yourself and your... Your thinking patterns, your behavioral patterns, your biases, whatever it is, and you can look at those and examine those and determine, do I need to adjust those? Do I need to change those completely? Whatever it is, you can do the work and you can overcome many things.
Daniel:Yeah. Yeah. Again, a lot of benefits about. Living in this lifestyle but at the same time you and your partner have to work together, you can, you both can't be going a different direction because it's not going to, it's just not going to work. So mine is a little bit similar to yours. So for me, you have to go back with my fascination with the lifestyle. It goes back to I don't know why.
Monet:How did you even have a fascination with the lifestyle? High school? Good grief. Yeah.
Daniel:It's just something I've always like fantasized and thought about. I would be but how did you
Monet:know? How were you exposed in high school?
Daniel:I don't know. I don't know. I just, I, you hear of these how it was big in the seventies.
Monet:Oh, okay. That makes sense.
Daniel:And sure enough, if you think about it in our past history, like this, the 60 was like free love and free spirit, multiple partners, 70s why swapping became, I don't think mainstream, but it became more popular. But then I think what happened was like in the 80s the AIDS pandemic hit and like. Scared away. That's
Monet:that down.
Daniel:Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It was interesting. Cause my wife and I were watching a documentary this past weekend about, have you heard of the website? Ashley Madison. Oh, yes. Yeah. And so I didn't find out about AstroMedicine probably with 2009, where it got exposed. Oh,
Monet:remember the data breach? Yeah. They had that data breach. I remember.
Daniel:So I was surprised that it started up in 2002. I had no idea it existed back then. And then I was even more surprised how it's still going on today. Oh, yes. Yeah. And and it actually ended pretty interesting because it started to, if you look at the numbers like on Ashley Madison and these other apps, it's starting to become a little bit more popular. So I wonder. The lifestyle would be a little bit more accepted down the road. I don't know. Only time will tell, but but going back to my story so I had a very conservative single life dated mainly I was just in relationships, had girlfriends, never really dated casually, never had a hookup buddy. I think there is one maybe, but that's about it. Along came my wife, and she was a little more adventurous than I was, and so when we started dating, she would always ask me, what's your fantasy? What drives you? What turns you on? What do you think about?
Monet:She was really new in, brother.
Daniel:And I would, just Oh, just maybe public sex, just trying to like, did not, again, it's like you said, it's very vulnerable getting into that side of you who you
Monet:never, your inner fantasies
Daniel:exactly yeah. And so one day she, you don't want to scare her off, basically. Exactly. So she's one day she's like poking the bear. And I just was like you want to know? And I told her, I'm like, look, there's this lifestyle that I have no idea what's about, but Something I would like to, get to, I still learn, I would like to learn and, the idea of watching you with somebody else and me with somebody else's significant other, that would be pretty hot. And we didn't know where to turn to because this was back in 2008, I believe. So there wasn't a lot of like websites thought of, there wasn't a lot of resources. I think we turned to AFF, Adult Friend Finder. And...
Monet:That one's been around forever!
Daniel:Yeah! Yes, it has. And I don't know how long it took. I don't know if we had a struggle. But all I know, it was fun to talk to her about... About this and about even just
Monet:the initial talks, right?
Daniel:Yeah, but eventually that time came where we actually met another couple who we hit it off with then and even then you know, The four of us were coming and it's all blind and it was interesting It was just it was a fun time looking back on it To be honest what's cool is that when we see We're looking back at 15 years later and we're still friends with that couple, like really good friends. Now we don't play with them cause they're not in the lifestyle, but we're still, yeah, we consider them really close friends. Yeah, so it's been, yeah, so it's been, like I said, we've had, and not everything has been smoothly. Like I'm sure sometimes down the road and future episodes, we'll talk about some of the struggles. We've come across, but hopefully, yeah, there's been a lot of good times. And like I said, I'm happy about it. We don't have a lot of experience right off the bat, but, like with the memories we do have brought us together because it's like, like you said, we're in a different time of our lives than you and a. We have two small kids at home time is precious. We don't have a lot of free time, but it doesn't mean we can't have pillow talk in the bedroom, yeah, so it's been fun. Like I said, we're hoping to expand our horizons down the road, go to more parties. More meets and greets we'll probably get to that next episode, what those means, but I'm pretty sure everyone who's listening to this knows what exactly what that means.
Monet:Yep, that's why they're tuning in.
Daniel:So I'm curious, going back to your story, was your first experience with a single person, or was it with another couple?
Monet:My first experience. Yes. It was with a couple and it could not have been a better first experience simply for the fact that even their screen name. It's okay for me to share their screen name, right?
Daniel:I think so. Yeah. Cause you were not, you're not saying, you're not saying what performance on. So I didn't clear it.
Monet:Correct. Correct. So their screen name at that time was a gentle couple. Okay. And they really were, they were just so polite. We initially met up for dinner. And the woman and I sat on the same side, so we were cozy with each other like rubbing each other's back and shoulders or whatever, but mostly just talking to get to know each of the four of us to see if there was chemistry and to see if we wanted to take it to the next level. And yeah, I don't recall now, cause it was so long ago, how long later that we scheduled an actual. Play date. And we went over to their house and it worked out really well. Again, like I said, it was my first interaction with a female and it went really very well. A was pleased because the husband had set up a camera in the bedroom. And so she and I had our privacy, so to speak, of course. And the husband, the two husbands. Sat in the living room, ate popcorn, had some drinks, whatever they did. And the wife and I were in the bedroom and we enjoyed ourselves. And it was, of course, I was very nervous. Cause again, my first time being with a female. But again, it was great. In fact, afterwards, the husband said that he had never heard his wife be so loud. Wow. No, but really, she was very quiet as far as I'm concerned, because I'm very vocal. And so the fact that she made any noise at all, apparently was a big deal for her. So I'm like, Oh, that means I did a good job. So I was proud of myself. Yeah, so it was very good time.
Daniel:Yeah. Ours was a little bit more awkward. So the first play was with that first couple and our first play experience was a soft swap. Okay. And we were all on the same page. We all followed the rules. And then... I think a couple of nights later was the big night. We got a big hotel room and had this big date, which led back to the hotel. And it was just awkward. We didn't know who to make the first move. We didn't know what to do. And I think
Monet:we Now were they new as well? Were they new? Yes. Like you? Yes. Okay.
Daniel:Yeah. Yeah, so it was like making small awkward talk up until 12, 1230. And I think at that point we were just like, all right are we going to do this? Yes or no? Otherwise, it's getting late. Close the
Monet:deal. Yeah. So I'm getting tired.
Daniel:But yeah, it was, like I said, it was a fun night. We had good times with them. And yeah.
Monet:And the best part is look at out of that experience, you gained a friendship. So it wasn't only about the physical and sexual experience. You actually became friends and they're still around in your life, even though you don't have that type of interaction with them anymore.
Daniel:Absolutely. Yeah, absolutely. We're actually, they're in Europe right now and we're watching their dogs. Awesome. Yeah. So it's, yeah, it's pretty cool. So we, like I said, They
Monet:trusted you with their body. So of course they're going to trust you with their dogs.
Daniel:Their fur babies.
Monet:Their fur babies. Yep.
Daniel:All right. So I'm trying to think, what do you think? Anything else that we need to cover on this introduction episode?
Monet:No just. You know what our vision is and where we would like to go, in future episodes, we have a whole list of topics that we know we want to cover. And then also, of course, we want audience participation for people to send us ideas or questions, not that we have all the answers, but we can answer based on our experience and what we've encountered and what we've learned and hopefully other people can glean from. Our knowledge and our experience.
Daniel:Absolutely. Yes. Just off the bat, you can go ahead. If you have a question, you can email us at let's be open podcast at Gmail or our Twitter handle is let's be open podcasts. That's right now. That's the only two. So that's the only social media account that we have as of right now. Again, even though we're doing this project, I think we're still going to be discreet. As possible. We're not open to about our sexuality and about this lifestyle. And I'm sure you and a aren't as well.
Monet:Correct. Yeah, we're discreet. I have kids that both of us have kids that are grown. We have one between us that's underage. He's still in high school. And, but the other four are in their late twenties. And I have grandchildren as well, they're very young, but yeah, we have grandchildren. We, I, my parents of course are still living, thankfully his parents are still living. He has siblings. I don't have siblings, but yeah, of course I have a job, he has his business. Yeah. So we definitely want to be discreet and respectful of course of one another. And of course we want to be respectful of you and your spouse. And whenever we. Meet new people. That's another thing that does come up. Discretion, of course, always. We have to get to be respectful. We get to be respectful. So
Daniel:I always find it hard to believe that you're a grandma.
Monet:You're very kind, D. You're a very kind partner.
Daniel:Okay. So I think I think that does it for this first episode. No, it's very short, but again, this is just the introduction of who we are and what to expect on our episodes. I believe our next episode would be introduction to the lifestyle, right? We're going to be talking about full swaps, soft swap. Parties, meets and greets. What's the difference? I don't know, websites, apps. Are you guys on any apps?
Monet:Oh, only chat apps. So we do have kick and we also have WhatsApp. Yeah. What's up? Yeah, we don't use those to meet people. I always have. I guess respect for people who meet strangers on the apps. I'm like, wow, you are courageous. No, we just, we, because of our experience, we prefer to friend people and open chats with people we've met in person already, whether at a party or an event or whatever, but we don't engage with strangers.
Daniel:Got it. Yeah. I think we're right now my wife and I were on Cassidy. And then that's, yeah, that's the only thing that we're we're a part of yeah. So look for us you can look on our profile, Fun560couple on Cassidy. Our pictures aren't open, so just FYI.
Monet:Yeah we, yeah, we're also on Cassidy. So is Cassidy considered an app or a site? It's a website. Okay. Yeah. So we're on Cassie as well. And you can look us up. We are lovers L V R S the number two, the letter X P L O R lovers to explore. And again, our photos are not open, but you can also read our profile and. Yeah. Learn a little bit more about us.
Daniel:Exactly. All right. From Monet and I, guys, have a good night, good day, whenever you're listening to this, and we'll see you on the next
Monet:episode. See you next time. Thanks for stopping by. Bye.