What does it mean to be in the lifestyle? How does an open relationship work? How do D and Monet do THEIR open relationship journeys? Find out the questions to this (and more) as D and Monet take you through what "being open" means to them and how they juggle all their relationships
What does it mean to be in the lifestyle? How does an open relationship work? How do D and Monet do THEIR open relationship journeys? Find out the questions to this (and more) as D and Monet take you through what "being open" means to them and how they juggle all their relationships
Hello and welcome to another episode of let's be open podcast I am D and I am here with the lovely Monet. How are you tonight money? Good evening. I'm doing great How are you? Pretty good. It was a busy day for us. It was the kids first day back to school. So Yeah, so trying to get back on track on that routine in the morning it was a little hectic, but Both kids had a good first day. So that's all that matters. So it was I said it was a busy day But it was a very productive day. Good. Yeah, you got to get back into the groove, right? See friends. We do have real lives We're not just about Swinging and having fantastic sex. Although that's part of it. But anyway We do have real lives to vanilla lives, I don't know if that was the highlight of the day. I did get a a text from you earlier on Monet and I were discussing, when to record this episode. And once it was agreed on tonight, what's going to be the night soon, a couple of minutes later, I got a text saying that you were going to. Texa gentleman. You made a new friend. No, actually I've known my Santa Monica friend probably about five years, five or six years now we've been seeing each other. Yeah. He was we met on an app. I can't recall the name of it. It may have been. Thropple? I'm not sure. For sure. I met my other lover, neighbor Joe, which I've mentioned him before. I met him on Thropple and I met him three years ago. But getting back to my Santa Monica friend. Yeah, I met him. And in fact, my husband A was the one that sent me the profile. And said, check this guy out and see if you like him. And I said, okay, I thought he was, attractive. And normally I don't I'm not attracted to men my age. Usually I prefer younger men for a multitude of reasons, stamina and open mindedness. But so I think Santa Monica guy is, I think a year older or a year younger. So pretty much my same age, but he's very interesting gentleman, business owner. He's not a native California and he's from, he grew up in Louisiana and yeah, I met him and I really enjoyed his personality. Yeah, we just went from there. And so we've see each other. Normally we see each other. Oh, it's about twice a month. Sometimes once a month, sometimes we skip, a month or two. But for us, we usually have dinner and depending on how long it's been since we've seen one another, sometimes I've gone over and we just have talked the entire evening because we have a lot to catch up on. And we're generally friends. He knows about my life. I know about his life. So he's a single guy, he's never been married and doesn't have any interest in being married but loves the lifestyle and yeah, he, he could probably have a lot of women but he doesn't seem to be interested in having a lot of women. He doesn't want necessarily a stable of women. He likes real people. So we hit it off and, yeah. I see him regularly. So he's a real guy. He's very generous too. Takes me to nice places and we have a good time. So when he's got FLA and young with you, why go off for a hamburger Oh, you're so sweet. You're so sweet. Thank you. But I Do we have a question though, because you said right now that you do have multiple play partners. Yes. Is it. Is it hard to juggle the communication aspect with both of them, as well as doing your day to day activities throughout the day? For these particular lovers both of them are relatively nearby where I live. And I would say, I don't... I'm not in constant communication with them. Like we don't text each other on the daily. It's a random thing. For example, Santa Monica, he likes to text me on Tuesdays because he says happy titty Tuesday because he's a boob man. So hence why? Anyway, there you go. Yes, we all are. This is true. I am too. Anyway So yeah, so he'll do that. And I know I've learned through the years, his catchphrases, Oh, let's catch up soon. That's his way of putting the feelers out there. Am I ready to see him? Am I open? Do I have time to see him? And he knows I have a life. He knows I have a husband and I have a life and this and that. So he's very respectful. He's been in the lifestyle, probably 20 years, a really long time. So he's very experienced and Yeah, so he puts out the feelers and again, very respectful and knows how to treat a woman. With him, actually with both of them, very respectful neighbor Joe has, he's in the entertainment business, but he's behind the scenes. He builds sets and things like that and tears down sets. So his schedule is all over the place. So I wish I could see him more often cause he's very nearby. He's the one that I mentioned before. We've actually walked to each other's house before it's he's that close. That's why I call him neighbor Joe. But so we'll text each other randomly. I'll hear from him. I'll get real happy when I hear from him because it's not as, as often or as regular as I would like to see him. Plus a new development for him. He has a significant other now. So that's, yeah, that's very exciting for him. And he was so cute when he first told me when he broke the news to me. And he had let me know the last time I had seen him previous to him telling me that he had a significant other. He was telling me that he had met someone and things were progressing. I said, Oh, that's great. And then. He didn't ghost me completely, but it was a while, probably a good three months that I didn't hear from him, and that was very unusual. And then finally he popped back up, and then he told me, Yes, I have a significant other, and he's so cute. This is how he is. He said, Are you upset? And I said, No, of course not. I'm happy for you. That's fantastic. You deserve... every happiness, he does want to get married. He wants to have a family. He's in fact, today's his birthday actually. And so I'm sure he's out celebrating. Yeah. Happy birthday neighbor, Joe. Shout out to neighbor Joe. So I'm sure he's out celebrating. And yeah, so he's just, I look forward to having him on the podcast, honestly, because he's the epitome of a single guy. He knows his. Place in a way. I don't like saying that but in a way, it's the only phrase that accurately describes He knows his place. He knows that He's not my man. He's one of my lovers, but he's not my man. He's not my husband. We're friends. I care about him. He cares about me. My husband trusts him. Sometimes he'll come over and the first thing he'll say is, where's your husband? Is he going to be here? I'm like, Hey, are you like, what about me? You're like, what about me? Yeah. So he's a really great single guy. Both of them are great single guys. Yeah, it's hard because I thought about this from a single male point of view. It's gotta be, it's a little tough because you're brought in. For one thing, but at the end of the day, like single males they're still human, they still have feelings they still want that connection with their play partner. But I think as far as the couple, they're just, most couples, I should say, they just, They want to bring them in for one reason and that's it. And I know it's and, but like you said, down the road, we'll talk about this down the future, but it's gotta be tricky. Because again, it's, where do you draw that line? You know what I mean? Single males do get a bad rap because they are often flaky. They're just fishing for... For pictures some of them are a little too pushy there's one, I, for example, one time wife and I went to a hotel party and we didn't, we always thought parties were going to be monitor a little bit better, but this one welcome. And you can tell who the singles males were when they showed up, went to a room and stripped naked, and they were just walking around. And for newbies, such as us, That was a little intimidating because we're like, what's going on here? We're in this hotel suite. You have about 10 guys who are just camping out in the room naked. What does that mean? We don't know what's going on. We don't know who they are. And I think we just, my wife and I talked and we caught an audible, we're like, you know what, she wasn't feeling comfortable. So it was like, that was a deal breaker for me. Okay if you're not comfortable, let's get out of here. And so we did we called it an early night and it was awkward because we were the first ones to leave. So it was obvious, but again, my wife was uncomfortable, so it was a no brainer for me. Let's go. Get out of here. Exactly. Yeah, she and to like we're she's I'm sorry. She's I know a couple Females were talking to you. You probably had a shot. I'm like, I don't care you weren't comfortable And if you're not gonna be able to enjoy yourself, I'm not gonna be able to enjoy myself. So the point is for each person to enjoy themselves. Exactly. Yeah. But from couples I've talked to before, it's like they've actually hit some home runs like you with the, your neighbor and Santa Monica guy. And there's been like a lot of busts for other couples. Oh yeah. Yeah. So yeah, I guess so. I haven't talked about my bus. That's all. I've had my bus too. Yeah. I've had my bus for sure. Yeah. When you do find a great single guy, you want to keep them around. You got to kiss a lot of frogs before you find a prince. Whether it's in the vanilla world and you're looking for your life partner or even in the lifestyle, you do have to kiss a lot of frogs. And just as you said, you are going to come across those profiles on apps or on websites where all they want to do is collect pictures and it's up to you. And really it is by trial and error because you can't tell when you're first. texting or interacting or chatting with someone online, how, what their true intention is, regardless of what their profile says, how are they conducting themselves with you? As an individual, are they right away sending dick pics? Are they right away asking for nudes of the wife or, and they're being relentless about it. That's going to be a red flag. Maybe this is going to be a no go. But a lot of times you don't learn that. until you do it through trial and error. Yeah. Yeah. So it's not a fun thing, but if you can stick it out and persevere and be grateful for obviously your spouse that you're on this journey together. I know that with my spouse, he was the gatekeeper for a really long time. And I would say he still is the gatekeeper. Like when again, cause we're on Cassidy, if we have people that reach out, he'll. He always says, you have fan mail. And that's my indication that I need to go check Cassidy because a gentleman or two have reached out and, they want to make contact and I'm the one that says yes or no. As you well know, I'm sure you're the same way with your spouse as well. We're the wives and we get to decide if this is going to be a go or if we're interested or not. In fact, just today, he mentioned that I had fan mail and I said, Oh yeah, I checked and this one was a no and this one I don't know yet. I'm open. I'll reach out to him and we'll see what happens. But again, by trial and error, I prefer to meet people in person. I don't mind if people reach out on Cassidy or whatever sites we're on. They can make the first contact and I'll let them know, Hey, I'm going to be at this event. Are you going to be there? I'll say the name of the party or the name of the gathering, or do you want to meet up at this meet and greet and if they're game to do that, okay, great, let's meet up, but I really won't invest too much time on chatting through an app or on a website because I've already learned that I don't want to invest too much energy there. Let's meet up first and see if there's a vibe, see if there's a connection, see if there's interest. And then we can go from there. Yeah. And that's exactly how we met. I remember, I don't remember if your husband reached out or if I reached out, I think it might've been a on Cassidy, you can send a flirt. And I don't remember who sent the first flirt or who sent the first message, but Was it Cassidy or was it SLS or AFF? No, it was Cassidy. Cause it was a while back. Are you sure? Really? Cassidy? Okay. Yeah. It was Cassidy. Cause that was before kids for you guys. Yes. Yes. That's how long it's been. I just remember after meeting, talking with your husband, I went to my wife, okay, babe, we have to meet this couple. Look at this. Look at cause I remember the profile, your profile picture was just you. A picture of you. And so I'm like, and I think not that long after we, we met and had drinks and the rest is history. But yeah, it was it was Cassidy. Okay. So yeah, so I think that's a good segue to talk about tonight's episode. Where do we go from here? So the last episode we talked about communication. You know Stepping into the lifestyle. And so you've had that conversation Both you and your spouse both agree. This is something you might want to try. So how do you go about it? And again, too, I think we both shared our stories on the last episode It started with communication. We started talking What's gonna be our boundaries? What's gonna be our goals? What do we want to achieve? Is it getting a third party? Is it getting another couple? Is it just going to a party, just watching? What was the first thing you wanted to try when you came into the lifestyle? The first thing that I wanted to try to be honest, my spouse and I went to. A freedom makers. That's where we went. And because again, I had, I came from a very conservative background. I was really nervous. I was really I was no, yeah, the resort was something separate. If I pretty sure that club does not exist anymore. Yeah. Correct. It does not. Freedom Makers is gone. Yeah. So we went and I was very nervous. I was excited, but I was nervous and he asked me different questions. Are you going to watch? What if this happens? What if that happens? And we'll see. I pretty much had determined I'm going to watch, I'm going to look at this atmosphere and take in the experience and just watch other people, how they act, what, what's going on, and I'll never forget there was this one girl who was interacting with this other girl and then All these other girls, I'm not kidding you, like six other women just joined in and mob this one girl. And I looked at my husband and I said, do you think her husband's going to jump in? What is going on? And he says obviously, that must be her thing, or she knows these people because her husband's letting it happen. So who knows? Maybe they're all friends or whatever. I'm like, okay, but as a newbie, I was my, I was, my eyes were wide open and I was shocked, but as the night progressed and we were dancing and having a great time, we ended up going upstairs. There was an upstairs at that time at Freedom Makers and my husband and I started being intimate with each other. And because of the atmosphere and the alcohol, I asked him, is anybody watching us? That's when I realized I enjoyed being watched. Yeah, it was interesting. And the way that let me back up a little bit again, you're going to hear communication. So in, in my humble opinion, yeah, it's really important that you as a couple first of all, you as an individual. You as a woman, as a man, what is it that you want to experience? Are there curiosities that you have? Yeah. So what is it that you want as individuals? And then of course, as a couple, and it's up to you guys as a couple to come together and negotiate I'm interested in this. I'm interested in that. What do you think about that? And. In my humble opinion, in order to be successful, quote unquote, in the lifestyle, you have to be open minded. And one of the things that I say to my husband. If I'm not open to something, I will say as of this moment, my answer is no, but I reserve the right to change my mind. And it's up to me if I do change my mind to let my husband know, whether it's by a touch or a look, because we've been together for years now and he knows me pretty well and I can, give him a look like, yeah, I think I changed my mind and he'll know. I think I do want to explore that. Now, how far I'm gonna go, I don't know. But for me, because he's my rock and he's my security, if it's a new situation and by that a new person, so neither one of us really know this person, then I want him. Very nearby, in case, he's again my protector so he's gonna make sure that I'm safe and honestly, we've been in the lifestyle like I said for 12 years and Within that time frame I can count the number of times on one hand that I had interaction with Somebody I didn't know. I met them that night and something happened, but that is not typical for us. That's just not how we roll. We prefer friendships and relationships, just like with you guys when we met you and your wife, we met for drinks first, and then we scheduled a play date after, sometime after and because what happens with us is when we meet someone, whether we meet them at a party or a meet and greet, We'll exchange information and then on the way home, we'll talk about what did you think? Were you attracted to him? Were you attracted to her? Obviously my husband asked me that. My husband's not into men so I never asked him that but, were you attracted to her? You never know unless you ask. That's right, yeah. My husband likes to say that of himself, that he is not by curious, by comfortable, by drunk, he's not by nothing. That's Meanwhile, I'm like, yay, bye, all day. So man knows what he wants. That's right. Yes, he does know what he wants. So yeah, I think that it's really important for the couple, each couple to be on the same page, for you as individuals to decide what is it that you want to experience? What is it you're unicorns, right? The yeah, the unicorn that can never be found. And that was easy for us last episode. It's Oh, I know, listen to you. I remember that. So yeah, last time she just fell right into your lap. You could never have planned that. No, you couldn't, the best things in the lifestyle happen by just showing up, by just again, being open minded, don't try not to be. a hard ass when it comes to tonight, we're going to get this, why don't you show up and be open to the experience? Whatever that means, because as I shared before we started recording this evening, there were many years Where my husband and I went to meeting obviously at meet and greets, there was no play, but we went to parties, we went to events where all we did was people watch or we met people and we talked and we laughed and we danced and we had a great time, but we actually didn't have any physical interaction with another couple. So because we're particular, personality is huge for us and we believe that personality can overcome a lot of. Physical quote unquote, shortcomings, maybe at the beginning of the evening I might start talking to someone just to talk to them and I'm like, eh, I'm not really attracted to them, but then they have a great personality and they're super funny or super interesting. And as the evening progresses, I'm like, Oh, maybe I am attracted, and so things happen, but I have to be open to that. I get to be open to. the experience, whatever it is, the experience can be simply getting to know someone. The experience can be a physical experience if that's what I choose. I'm curious to go back what you just said right now. You said that personality plays a big role and you find your partners attractive. Has it ever been like the other way around? Have you ever, Looked at someone. I was like, oh, this person is hot and then talking with them. You're like, yeah, there's no chemistry here Yes Man he is so hot or she's so hot She has a resting bitch face or you know She looks like she's smelling shit the whole time or she thinks her shit doesn't stink and that's a turnoff I prefer to be around people that are genuine, that know who they are, that are real people. Even I'm not looking for someone who is physically perfect. Now if I happen to run into someone who's physically perfect and they have a great personality, that's a jackpot. To be honest, neighbor Joe, fantastic. Physically fit abs, the whole nine yards. And he has a great personality. He's a genuinely nice guy. He has no idea that he's hot. I'll put it that way. He has no clue that he's hot. He's just a genuine, sweet, kind, funny, giving. Guy and so we get along great, and fortunately for me. He likes older women. So it's all good Yeah, there's so few of us. I know Okay, so when you first started you and your husband What did you was it a website wasn't an app? You don't remember what it was I believe the first thing that we joined was SLS. That was the, I think he did. He pretty, my husband pretty much did the homework. He's the research guy. He's the techie guy. He's the research guy. So he was online, right? And he found SLS and we created a profile, just if you, if any of our audience members have done online dating, it's the same thing, but instead of, a single person, unless you're a single person in the lifestyle, you're going to create a profile for you as a couple and you're going to have photos and you're going to write a bio and it's important that your bio be interesting and show a little bit of your personality because you want. People hopefully to read, read the profile and then, hopefully garner some interest. So we joined SLS first and then we also joined AFF. I think we're on both of those and AFF is adult friend finder and then years later we did find Cassidy and that's pretty much where we're at all the time Cassidy, although a few years ago, I think it was right before COVID. That's when I met Santa Monica guy. And again, I think it was on Thropple, but it could have been on something else, but Thropple is actually geared towards by the name. You can tell Thropple, which is three, right? So it is geared more towards lifestyle people looking for a third, if you're looking for a third. So that's where I met Neighbor Joe. And we hit it off and that was in 2020. So I've been seeing him for three years. What about you and your spouse? We, like I said before, we joined AFM and she did most of the legwork on that one. She posted I think she posted one face. Picture of us and she wrote the bio and I don't remember what it said or how long it was And then we took a little break and then we joined SLS and then she's like why did the last one you can do this one? That was hard It's hard to write something about yourself because it's the same way to you're like The way I look at it is you're selling yourself, right? Yes. It's pick us, look at us over here. And so personally for cause like you said before with, I think you said your husband monitors these profiles. And then whenever something interesting comes along, he'll show it to you. That's how that's how we go about it. S I personally tend to stay away from profiles that do not have any information. Or they have no photo, no profile photo. Exactly. They have one or they have one photo of the guy. And that's a red flag for us. So for the one photo's, A dick pic? Yeah. No Yeah. So we and no friends. Yeah. So there's like red flags and you'll learn as you go along oh, this is a red flag. That's a red flag. Just stay away from this profile. But I think it's very important. One, you post something about yourself. Post your hobbies because at the end of the day I know for us, we would like our partners to become friends. Yes, such as, you to then number two pictures we tend to like the pictures that shows your personality. If you're at a concert, if you're at an amusement park, if you're at a sporting event, we tend to like those pictures rather than that. The naked pictures all women have terrific boobs. I've never seen a bad boob in my life. My wife has seen multiple cocks. Nothing's going to impress her. But we tend to like the couples that. are outgoing and that they're having a good time. So that's like a green light for us. Like a green check Mark Oh, these might be fun to hang out with rather than let's take a chance on them. Let's roll the dice on them. So that's, yeah, I agree. I agree with you. I think it's great because all of us are multifaceted people. Do we have sex? Yes. Are we in the lifestyle to have sex? Yes, we are. However, we're also, in your case, parents. I am also a parent. Some of us have siblings. We all have family. We have friends. We have different roles in our life. So like you're saying, do you like to go to concerts? Are you an outdoorsy person? Do you like to hike? We ride motorcycles. So we have been very fortunate. Find a motorcycle club that is comprised of people in the lifestyle. So we get the double whammy and that's been fantastic for us that we ride with this group and then we party with them at our clubhouse afterwards. And it's been fantastic, but it took us quite a while to get to this point. We've only been involved with that group for a little bit over a year now. And we have met some fantastic people, but prior to that, like I mentioned, we went to many a party, many an event where we did nothing but people watch, which was fun for us. My husband and I enjoy people watching. We enjoy like making up stories about people. What do you think about this? What do you think about that? And again, using it for fun. father, did you see her? Did you know, did you see him? Whatever the case may be. And so we always had a good time. We went in with a positive attitude saying to ourself, we're going to dance, we're going to drink and we're going to have fun regardless of whether we are going to have play or not. I did want to mention though, very early on, We had met a couple that we had gone out with a few times and they invited us to a club in Long Beach. That club is now closed, but basically what it was a tow company owned this commercial building and they were subletting to the lifestyle club. So yeah. This was a long time ago very early on in our journey. So we had met this one couple They were I believe they were called Southwestern couple and they introduced us to the business owners So the people that own the tow yard They introduced us to them at the club and the six of us hit it off We could not believe That all of us were gelling and having a great time. And that first couple that had invited us, they had also rented a hotel room nearby that had a Jacuzzi. And they invited all of us back to their room. We could not believe the luck because, like I said, the six of us hit it off and the six of us ended up playing. So it was an orgy and it was so great because I'm not kidding. It was like every 10 minutes. Okay, switch. Okay, switch. Okay, switch. Not the men, but the women, we were all interacting and it was Fantastic. And after that night ended, we got home, I think like at four or five in the morning from that, my husband and I looked at each other and we went, wow, we could never have planned that. And it happened so early on in our journey. We're like, this is probably never going to happen again. So great, this is easy Yeah, it was a surprise. We were pleasantly surprised however I am very happy to say that it did happen again with a different group of people and that's with our motorcycle riding group where we hit it off with two other couples And we've been enjoying them on the regular, both inside of the bedroom, if you will, as play dates. And we also do other things together. We go to museums together. We go to plays together. So we actually live life together. Hopefully one of these days I can share the same story with you guys. Yes! It's fantastic. Let me ask you, because, like I said, you're more familiar with all this. What do you prefer for you personally? Apps or? Websites? Personally, I prefer the websites. Yeah, I do use kick, but I use kick. And also WhatsApp to chat with people. I don't use them to meet people. However, I do know people in the lifestyle who use WhatsApp and kick. To meet people. For me personally, I guess I'm old school. I'm like, wow, you are courageous to meet strangers on an app. Hey, good for you. I'm not making any sort of judgment, but for me that doesn't feel right. I prefer to meet people in real life and then connect using kick WhatsApp or whatever the case may be. So that's just my comfort level. There was a website which I came across and I was, Real shock or actually it's more surprise. It didn't shock me. It was surprising And people use this platform to meet other couples or other partners play partners, Reddit is huge in the swinging community. Yes. I was, yeah. So you can go for example, Los Angeles, we can type in Los Angeles swingers, there's going to be a community and then you can. Post a little blurb about yourself. Also put a picture up there and start chatting with somebody and see what happens. And I checked a couple other States and same thing. Yeah. So it's people are interesting. Yeah. Craigslist. We never use Craig's to meet somebody, but in search of, yeah. But so yeah, it was I guess if you're looking for maybe like a inexpensive way to meet people, that might be not a bad idea. So do you know what they did back in the day before these websites and apps? How you would meet other singers? I think it was like classified stuff, I know facebook's been around for a while. So Facebook's maybe personals or whatever craigslist like you said because craigslist is very well This is like it was very primitive, this is like 80s 90s. A magazine there was a magazine called like swingers something like that. And it was just a big catalog of, you would basically pay for an ad and then you write a little blurb about it. So exactly. Yeah. So yeah, so basically you would. We would write middle aged couple looking for other couples for X, Y, and Z. You would use the abbreviations ISO meaning in search of, MF male, female, maybe the age range or height, weight, HWP height, weight, proportionate, things like that. These little abbreviations that people kind of use, you put your PO box number. And then you wait to see if you got mail back in the day. That's funny. I met my partner and I met a couple. I want to say it's been about three years now and they had actually used tinder. And they had met a gal because the wife, her fantasy was to see her husband with another woman, which is unusual. Usually it's the other way around. Usually it's a husband, as you well know, wants to see his wife with another man, but she wanted to see her husband with another man. So they did. End up using Tinder and they did meet this gal who presented herself as bisexual. And she said that she would be willing to be involved with a husband. No, I think she's first said that she was more interested in my friend, the female. And so my friend was like, okay, that's great. But I want somebody for my husband as well. And she said okay. She played it off. She was a little bit shy about the husband, but then as it played out She was much more interested in the husband and much less interested in my friend And so I think you have to be very careful, you know when you're using Non traditional like tinder is supposed to be a hookup thing. Not really not a true lifestyle app Dating or hookup. Yeah. So okay. So for instance, when you guys come across a profile, whether through these apps or websites, what, how long would it be until you actually set up that first date? Because I know some couples they don't want to message. They want to meet Instantly right other couples. They tend to like that build up. They want that Chemistry and before they actually meet somebody so right. I don't know what in your experience How long has the average time frame before you actually met somebody in person? I think it's definitely decreased when I first started again, because being very cautious and coming from my conservative background, I was very concerned about my safety and this and that. So initially I did want to go back and forth for quite a while. And then as. I've been involved in the lifestyle and met a lot more people at events and parties. I think that has really cut down quite a bit. Like I said, I mentioned earlier, I'll let people know, Hey, I'm going to be at this event. I'm going to be at this party. It would be great to see you there. Let's meet up there. Are you going to, are you going to be able to join or whatever? This way I can cut to the chase right away. I can tell by the picture, yeah, that person looks attractive. I'm attracted to the husband. I'm attracted to the wife, whatever the case may be. But I, I definitely want to meet them right away so I can either confirm, yes, I'm attracted or say, wow, it was great meeting you. But yeah, I'm not interested in that way. I'm not interested in having physical interaction with you. So I do I do want to, I want that to happen sooner rather than later. I don't mind, chit chatting a little bit, but I'm not going to invest too much time because I don't know if it's going to go anywhere until I meet, until I have that vibe, that feeling, so I do like to meet people quickly and usually we'll meet for drinks. We'll meet for coffee, we'll meet for drinks depending on how much interaction we've had. Sometimes it'll be dinner, but more often than not, it's just drinks. So we keep it simple in case we're not feeling it. I'm always, my husband and I are very careful to be, always be kind to people because you never know when you're going to run into them because as you probably know too, the lifestyle community is pretty small and you see the same people at different events in different cities that are relatively local, right? Yeah, you always want to leave things on a positive note. Yeah, I'm trying I think it might have been like three weeks After your husband and I met online before we actually set up the first meeting, right? Yeah, you're a rabbit at our third meeting What happened in our third meeting? I don't remember. Remind me. You sprained your ankle. Oh, that's right. I do remember. Oh, my gosh. You were walking down. Yeah. I don't know if we ever told you this. wife And I, again, before kids, we went out to dinner and... We're like, we should have maybe contacted a and Monet to see if they wanted to get a drink. And I remember her saying, Oh, that would have been, that would have been fun. That's a good idea. But we figured it was like last minute. So we're just like. We missed our opportunity. And then I think a half hour later, we got a text from you guys saying, if you guys wanted to meet up for a drink and then we're yes, we're in. And then we met and then I think five minutes into meeting you tripped and sprained your ankle. Sprained my ankle. I do remember that now. Yes, that was terrible. And then I just remember your husband was like, Oh, she's fine. She just needs a drink, some ice. She'll be fine. She'll be good to go, guys. She's good to go. He just wanted to be out so bad. Meanwhile, my ankle was as big as a balloon. Maybe you should take her home and rest. Exactly. That's the beauty of being empty nesters. Our kids are grown, so we do have that flexibility. We can do last minute. We can't always do last minute, but we do have a little bit more flexibility than people who have littles, it's understandable. So yeah, you can definitely hit us up. Hey, what are you guys doing? Are you available? Yes, no, whatever. We'll figure it out. So it's funny cause that kind of happened at work today. Like at lunch our coworkers, some of my coworkers, they found to like this brewery and the art district and Apparently that's they have good beer. They have good food, but their catches they have a good display of the old retro arcade games so 80s pinball, Pac man and so they're like let's go tonight. This is gonna be fun And so everyone was in and they got to me and i'm like I am the last Person that can go at the last minute like this, I am out and they're like why don't you call your wife? And I'm like, it's my kid's first day of school. We're going to take him out to dinner so we could hear all about it. It's not going to happen tonight, guys. I was hoping they would have let's go tomorrow night or next week. They went tonight and I saw all the pictures on Instagram and Facebook. So you're like, I hate all you bitches. Don't worry, sweetie. It's a season. It's a season. The kids will be grown before you know it. And the kids will be running off with their friends and you'll save. Fine. We're going to run off with our friends. No, but and the thing is you look back and you're like, oh man, but then when we're out to dinner and this thing to my daughter's first day, it was well worth it to miss hanging out with them. Yeah. So I think the only things we've used SLS in the past and for my experience I do like their instant messenger a little bit better Okay, Cassidy's But as far as Cassidy, I prefer it's I think it's a much User friendly website, right? Yeah, so therefore and it wasn't that inexpensive I think we got the lifetime membership for 140 so we pay another cent after we signed up, right? I got nothing but good things to say if it has a good list of where all the parties are going to be a bunch of communities. And as a matter of fact we just started our community on Cassidy. So if you're on Cassidy, find our community, it's the let's be open podcast community. We'll post questions and polls and find out what our next episodes will be. If you're on Cassidy, please look us up. We would love for you to to follow. I think we're at six members. Hopefully we can get those numbers up. Oh, great. Okay. I'll spread the word. No worries. Oh, by the way, did you check our stats too? We have a listener in Kentucky. Shout out to our Kentucky listener. I said, what? Besides our German listeners. No. So we're taking over the country. That's what it sounds like. That's what you're saying. Taking it by storm. The other thing I wanted to mention in regards to I mentioned earlier about, communicating and getting on the same page, with your experiences, what kind of experiences you would like to have for the females, if you want to explore, your bisexuality. Or maybe you don't, it doesn't matter. There's no right or wrong answer, it's whatever you want to do. But a lot of times those those experiences will evolve over time. For me, my husband was encouraging me to explore my bisexuality and it wasn't that I was resistant per se. The way that I related to him was, I know how much work a woman is. I don't think I want to have a girlfriend. Women are high maintenance. Okay. But then I met someone and she wasn't high maintenance. And I decided, I think I do want to have a girlfriend because she's not high maintenance. We dated for a while and, it fizzled out. We're still friends, so it didn't end on a bad note or anything. And then I met another gal who really embraced her bisexuality. And she helped me to relax and accept my own bisexuality. And I think... She came into our lives just for that reason to help me to embrace that. And then I've met someone more recently who she has really incredible sexual energy. And I'm really. I am very attracted to her. I definitely want her in my life longterm, and it's nice because she and her husband get along with my husband and I, and so her husband and my husband are becoming friends, the bond is stronger between her and I, but I am also attracted to her husband and my husband and her husband are friends and they also ride. They also ride motorcycles. But they're very new, but, yeah. Yeah, I am very attracted to her and I definitely want her around for so quite a while. Quick question, going back to what you just said. So like you definitely want her around for a while. You feel comfortable, something, someone you enjoy being with? Yes. So when it comes to the female, does that mean like you guys rule out the possible I guess the term would be swapping cousins? Is this strictly for you and her? No. In this particular case. Okay. So with the first person I mentioned, although I knew I did find her husband attractive, she's the one that had a bad experience with that person that presented herself as a unicorn, but wasn't really because they had used Tinder. And so my husband and I spent a lot of time with her and her husband helping them. To understand how the lifestyle really works. And because I knew she had a bad experience, I did not express any interest in her husband, even though I thought her husband was attractive. I was focused primarily on her. And on building a friendship and a relationship. And setting, I really wanted to set a very high standard for her so that she would know how she is to be treated in the lifestyle by another woman and how another woman is going to be respectful of her husband and that marriage. Again, knowing. My place that relationship her relationship and her marriage with her husband That is number one and I'm not going to do anything to disrupt that And so I wanted to set the standard and then when I met that other gal that came into mine and A's life very briefly That was a lot of fun and she was high energy as well but again that just There were some, that, that relationship actually was a catalyst for growth, a lot of growth in my life. And that relationship did not end on a positive note, unfortunately. She's a great person. If I ever saw her, I would definitely say hi to her and speak with her, but it didn't end well between the three of us, unfortunately. And so she's out of our life. It happens, I'm grateful because I got to do a lot of work in regards to jealousy and we'll get to that one. Maybe that'll be our next episode. The everybody loves to talk about jealousy, right? And what it really is and what does it really mean? So we'll get into that cause I took a month and I just dedicated an entire month to introspection and learning about jealousy and learning about myself. And it was good. It was well worth it. I don't think she got hurt, but it just didn't end on a positive note, unfortunately. And then, like I said, I think both of those relationships really prepared me for this next one. This one, the most recent one that I've met, those things just helped me to grow and help me to be ready for this new person, it was really great. But yeah, she's definitely interested in my spouse, which I appreciate that. And I'm interested in her spouse and she appreciates that. So the four of us get along really well and we freely swap and it's to the point really where I have. Express fantasies to her directly. I want to see you do this and do that. And she's okay, yeah, we've actually had sleepovers at their home. Just like you, you had mentioned that, with a couple of that, that you guys had met, but you guys were both new but yeah, they've hosted us and it's been great. Now, when you say sleepovers, it's like the four of you play have been you and a go to a room. And go to sleep or you sleep with, they have a king size bed, they have a king size bed. So the four of us together. Now, when we sleep though, I'm usually the way it is, it's either husband on either end and then the two ladies are in the middle. Got it. Of course. That's how we, that's how we always should be. But yeah, that was a first for us to actually sleep over in the same bed with another couple. It was very natural. It was very comfortable. It was really great, but it took us years to get to that point, of course, so don't put pressure on yourself. This has got to happen again. Don't put these expectations, just be open. I think that's what I wanted. That was like my only point I wanted to get across tonight is be patient. Express what you want. Don't be afraid to be like, this is a no go for us. This is what we're looking for. You don't have to be super polite. Again, this is speak up for yourself. And I, again, be patient. Don't, yes. Don't try to force it. If you try to force it, you're going to You're going to find out, a lot more problems that come along with that when you try to force something That things happen naturally you can guide things you can try that you can make suggestions Hey, would you be interested in this? Would you be interested in that? Yeah, don't be afraid to speak up speak what your desires are because You never know what someone's gonna say exact. Yeah, because I remember going to our first party. It was My wife and I were on our way over there. We're like What's off limits what's on limits and then it's her response. I've never been to it I don't know what to expect and then same here. I've never been to it. I have no idea. So do we just completely Take playing off the table. And then it's we are human. What if something comes across us that, we might want to play and it's so it's just we the deal we made going in, okay, let's keep our options open and let's check in with each other and yes, that's key. Exactly. We open and check in exactly those two things. Yes. And again, don't be, you're going to have to spend time on your profile, whether it's an app website, sit down, put some thought into it. And I think you'll be more successful than again, trying to rush it, trying to force it. Again, I usually, when I see those one line, one sentences on a profile, I usually don't even bother. It's just scroll on by. Exactly. Yep. Next. Exactly. Because again, if you're not going to put that in time to your profile, why are you really here? Was there anything else you wanted to bring up or I think that's about it for me. Yeah. Same here. Yeah. I think that's about it for me. So again this was fun. Always fun. Of course. And so if people wanted to chat with you, where can they find you? Definitely on Cassidy. We are lovers. L V R S, the number two, and X P L O R, Lovers to Explore, that's our handle on Cassidy. And please join our let's be open community page. Yes. For us, we're on Cassidy. My wife and I we're curious couple 24 on Cassidy. And then Mo and I have Twitter, it's Moe and Big D on Twitter. Follow us there. And then, if you wanted to chat, you could find us at Fun Couple on Kik. That's my wife and I's username on Kik. If you want to drop by, say hi. Let me know what you think of the podcasts were always open and that's the thing to the community. Let us know what you like and what you don't like about this podcast. We're always, we're open, obviously it's in our name. That's right. But drop the questions. You know anything you're curious about? Exactly. Yes. If you have a question or if you want us if you think something will make a good topic, let us know and we'll be sure to cover it in the future. All so I think that's it for me. What about you? Sounds good, sir. Have a great week, everyone. All right. All right. From Monet and I have a good night. We'll see you next time.