Swing Life vs Real Life

In this episode, D and Monet share their insights into how to navigate an open relationship/swinging with everyday responsibilities and regular duties. Hear as they delve further into who they are, and why they are in this lifestyle.

Transcript

Daniel: 0:29

Hello and welcome to the Let's Be Open podcast. Tonight's episode is balancing everyday life with the lifestyle. I am Daniel and I'm here with always the lovely Monet.

Monet: 0:48

Hey everybody, welcome.

Daniel: 0:50

So this should be a fun topic. But first, I want to catch up with you. How are you?

Monet: 0:55

Yeah. Oh, I'm doing great. Yeah, I'm doing really good. Had a really good weekend. As last time we talked A and I were heading out to the Dirty Disney Party. And so we were there and we met some long time friends there. And we met some other friends there. Touched bases with some friends we made a few months ago. But yeah, we didn't really meet anybody new. We had a we always have a great time at this party. It's a fun party. There's lots of dancing, lots of people, lots of costumes. We didn't have any play or anything, but for us especially since we found our motorcycle riding group, that's really become our core group. And A and I were saying that when we go to other parties, even if we go to meet and greets or whatever we decide to go to, we're not necessarily looking to play. Sure, if that happens, great, that'll be a fun thing, but it's not necessarily about that because we know we have our quote unquote home base of our core writing group. Yeah, it's the parties and other activities are just added events, added opportunities, to meet new people, make new connections.

Daniel: 2:08

Just a bonus, basically. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, we were a little disappointed because we were looking forward to it. And unfortunately, balancing life has its challenges and

Monet: 2:24

so when you have the knolls.

Daniel: 2:26

Yeah, exactly. And it hit me about maybe a week before the party where I just got that sense where I felt like my wife wasn't on the same page as my, as me. And I brought it up to her attention. And which I was afraid because I already knew the answer

Monet: 2:43

before your wife. Yeah, yeah.

Daniel: 2:45

And so therefore she just wasn't feeling it and because there's like a lot of little things that are going on right now and big projects are coming up and that's where her focus is at. Yeah. Then he goes, it was, it might have been the day of where she she brought it up and she's do you want to go to this? And I'm like, yeah, I only want to go if you want to go. If you're happy and you're looking forward to it and you're going to have a good time, you're going to have fun. Then, I'm in, but if you want to go, because you're like, Oh, it's going to make him happy. Then I really don't want to go so right. Yeah, so then therefore, we've decided to be in the garage instead Yeah,

Monet: 3:27

you know that happens things happen within your own relationship it's happened to us where I just I had a particularly difficult week and I ended up falling asleep and we had planned to go to a party and My husband doesn't have the heart to wake me up because he knows I'm tired So he just let me sleep, and I needed to catch up other times like event happens, Things happen with our families, somebody calls us and needs us because they're in trouble or whatever Exactly. We can't always, you know have As much activity as we would like or again, you can't even if you're not in a lifestyle, you can't go to a party every single weekend. You have to stay home sometimes and take care of yourself. It would be nice though, right? Yeah, in the perfect world. No, but as much as we go out and as much fun as we have, there are times, and it's less frequent for me because I am an extrovert, but even me, I do... Sometimes say to a hey, I need to stay home. I just need to have a down day down evening I just want to stay home and watch TV with you and hang out and fall asleep at 930, Now for him he loved he's an introvert so he loves his alone time He relishes that it really feeds him. He doesn't get that as often but We try to make sure that need of his is also met, because that's important for him, of course, just as much socializing is important for me,

Daniel: 5:00

right? Yeah. The way I see it is we all have different types of roles in our life. So basically for me, I'm a husband, my father, a friend, a boss. And so for me, it's I have to be whatever role I'm in. That's where my focus is at. So for example, when I get home, I'm leaving my bag with my laptop and everything in the car, because. When I come home my, I want my intention to be towards my family, kids, wife. 100%. Yes. And if I bring that bag with me, I know a part of me will. When I see it sitting in the corner, I'm, my mind's going to be somewhere else. It's gonna be on that report course I have to turn in. It's gonna be not the billing that has, that's due. And I keep it in my car until the kids go to sleep and then I'll bring it in the house and things, but so with my wife this past weekend she was a mom, a PTA president, business owner, and so she wasn't in that. Lifestyle role mode

Monet: 6:26

and right. It was in that space. Yeah,

Daniel: 6:28

exactly. Exactly. So therefore like I said, I knew the writing was on the wall and, I could have kicked the screen through a tantrum, but yeah, I decided to communicate with her and like I said, I think it worked out for the best,

Monet: 6:43

much better choice. Yes, exactly. Yeah. And I'm sure it wasn't easy for her to let you know that. Because she knew how excited you were, how much you were looking forward to it. And she don't want to let you down because she loves you. But at the same time, she needs to be honest. And there's other opportunities for other events for you guys to attend.

Daniel: 7:09

Yeah, we were talking about it and we're looking forward to that Halloween party.

Monet: 7:13

Yeah, the Halloween party too.

Daniel: 7:15

So it should be fun. We started talking about costumes, brainstorming, and so it should be good. Like I said, hopefully everything falls into place and we're able to go, so that'd be, yeah,

Monet: 7:25

that'd be a good time. I hope so too. I hope so. So

Daniel: 7:28

why ask you a question. Is there ever been a time where the lifestyle influenced your everyday life? So you maybe were. Maybe affected your work or affected your relationship with a

Monet: 7:48

In a good way you mean or in a negative way, whatever

Daniel: 7:50

you want to share. That's your choice

Monet: 7:56

Yeah, for sure, of course the good things come to mind first pretty much every Job that I've had. My husband will ask me, so Attractive there that you find attractive, so Yeah, like one time I started this job in the first day on the job One of the salesmen came up and handed me a business card and it said You are gorgeous. If you want to have fun call me Yeah, I got to admire the courage, right? Anyway, so that nothing ever happened there. I tried to call his bluff if you will, but this guy wouldn't even he was unwilling to fork out the money for a motel room. Oh yeah. Really dude? No. Yeah. He says, what about the car? Exactly. Yeah. He says, what about the car? I said, I am not in high school. Hello. And I grow up, grow. Oh, you see me, right? I'm a woman. Hello. Exactly. And then there was another time where it did pan out actually much more favorably. Sorry. I've had a beverage anyway. Anyway. Yeah, it panned out much more favorably. This kid. Was of age I say kid because he was like 22 and I had to keep telling myself He was older because that's actually younger than my son But he was very attractive and very mature for his age Military he'd been in the military. Oh, do you see a theme? There's a theme isn't there? This guy had been in the army young kid and he was a goer too, so that worked out well.

Daniel: 9:56

So I remember a time where you had to like, be careful because you're coming like in deep waters, like you're like pushing those boundaries. Because of like these relationships.

Monet: 10:09

Oh, that's an interesting question. So I'll give

Daniel: 10:13

you an example for like when we first started in this lifestyle are the first couple we came in contact with, we we didn't know until maybe like a couple of years after, and we looked back on it and we're like, that was very close to a four way. Paulie relationship because yeah, so I started off as a husband and I were texting each other and then we did a little group chat one day where You know, my wife was next to me and his wife was next to him and we were just talking I think it was on some messenger app at the time and right and then I Don't know. Did we I'm not sure if I can remember if we met Or if he just straight up asked me if he could have my wife's number. And, of course, naive me was like, yeah, of course, no big deal. Go ahead. I'm cool with it. And so I obviously I texted my wife and said it's okay if I give. I remember she said, yes. And they started chatting and next thing, I have the wife's number and we start texting every day. And then we met, yada, yada, yada. But it was interesting because I noticed like it affected, that's all I was thinking about was. Texting this new partner of mine, right at work no matter what I was doing, that was like my focus. My attention was on her and my wife and. I remember having a bad day and don't remember the specifics of it, but I remember coming home, seeing my wife, talking to her, we're watching TV. It's lovely evening. It's what I needed. And then she got a message from the other husband and I'm like, Oh, you know what? I haven't reached out to the wife yet. Let me do that. And so I text her and. I got a response back like, Oh look, we decided to see, check in with me. And at that point I was just like, Oh my God, I don't have the energy to handle this right now. And that's when I. That was like the first alarm where I'm like, you know what? I think I'm going to have to take a step back because yeah, because this is if I'm going to be able to perform at work, come home and perform my duties. I got to figure out what my priorities are. This is all fun. This is all exciting. And, it's like for me to be the best that I can be, I gotta figure some things out. And I like the word you use in the first episode where we talked about boundaries, not rules, but boundaries. And so I started like dialing back on my part, but yeah, that's just. It was yeah crazy.

Monet: 13:20

You touched on a few things that I wanted to address. When you were referring to this new person that was in your life, and you began to find yourself thinking about her all the time, and looking forward to texting her, chatting or whatever the deal was. Because I'm at where I'm at in my journey our relationships, we consider ourselves polyamorous. Because we have other loving relationships besides our spouses. Now, they're not to the same level. Obviously, we don't live with another couple, although some people do practice polyamory in that way. We're not at that point, at least not now. But we do have loving relationships with other people that we talk to daily, that we text daily, that we're very involved with. But when you have somebody new, there's a term for that. And the term is NRE, new relationship energy. And that's a normal thing. It's a common thing. Obviously when you're involved in the lifestyle, of course, that's going to be a regular thing as you meet new people and you get excited and happy. And I had to learn about that. I had to grow in that area a few years ago specifically because A had met someone that he was very excited about and she was excited with him as well. And I got jealous. Cause that triggered something inside of me. That's when I had to deal with all of my stuff and thankfully I did put in that work. But we each get to give our spouses that room to experience new relationship energy. And yeah, it can be a little nerve wracking. But that's where we get to talk with our spouse about that. Oh, I see. You're really happy. I'm happy that you're happy, and shift your focus about, still focusing on your partner as opposed to our own fears. Yeah. So NRE and then also polyamorous. So those are two new things. Things, there you go.

Daniel: 15:28

Yep. Yeah. I'm not sure if you know this, but I dipped my toes in the poly. I don't know if it would, I don't know if it's me, poly or n r e. So you said

Monet: 15:38

N R e? Yeah. New relationship energy. Yeah.

Daniel: 15:41

So this was about, I think two years ago. And it, her, we'll call her Paige. It's a little inside joke. Okay. And so I met Paige actually about a few years ago when she was married on a I think it was SLS. I would talk with her and her husband. Unfortunately, things didn't work out between them and they went their separate ways. We crossed paths and she was single. And around that time my wife. Started someone came back into her life who she had some experience with as far as playing. And so we talked and we're like our schedules are so busy and complex, let's see where this goes. He's going to have one date a week with your partner. I'll have one day a week with my partner and we'll come back, touch base and see how it goes. And that's a good plan. Yeah, so it started off actually pretty... It was pretty I want to say it was just, it was very routine basically. I'm not sure if that's the right word, but it was just, it fit like a glove. So I think on both sides and what happened was probably about a couple months into it. I started being unhappy where I was at as far as like my. with my job. And so I was telling myself I have to think of a way out, have to, what do I want to do? And long story short, I took another job at a different setting working with kids. And I went to go to my full time job, and then I have a little part time job, which wasn't too far from there, so I can get basically the experience working in pediatrics and as you can imagine, doing that, coming home with the family, I was exhausted. Of course. Thank God. So like my weekly trips to see Paige became every other week, once a month, and and God bless her. She's really sweet. She never once asked to put her in front of my family. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, exactly. She knew like I was a husband and dad first. Absolutely. Yeah, so basically we had a a talk and basically felt like it was just best if we could remain friends. Yeah.

Monet: 18:13

Yeah. The relationship ran its course, really. Exactly. She was there, when we needed her. And that's great. And you were there for her as well. But things were transitioning. You took the right path as far as sitting down and talking with her, not just ghosting her. Again, any quality person in the lifestyle is going to know their relationship with you. They're going to understand Jerry and your family comes first, period. No questions asked. One of the boundaries that Alex. That A and I have is when we're conflicting, if we're conflicting, we do not go out and see other people. So there have been a number of times where I have had to reschedule a date because A and I were conflicting. And same with him. He's had to schedule a date even where he had gotten a motel room. So guess what? Conversation there because he had already paid for it. So we're not going to let go to waste of course But that's one of our boundaries and we found that is helpful for us We when we're conflicting when we're at odds about something we do not go out that's yeah, that's

Daniel: 19:29

saying that's smart. Because going back to right now with my relationship with page Basically I was, I would leave here like at 7. 38 in the morning and went home about nine o'clock at night. I was exhausted. And so not only did I was exhausted, but I felt like I wasn't being a good partner, a good spouse to my wife. And so therefore, I felt like I could not go see Paige, because... It would be totally unfair to my wife if I were to go see Paige and not connect with her and stuff, and yeah, again, we still touch base from time to time, but, and I wish you the best, but. And again, too, like I said before, like I've never, I was very fortunate because. She never asked me to put my family second in the backseat.

Monet: 20:26

Any quality person in the lifestyle will always. Know their place and know that, your family comes first and no offense should be taken. Hey, I completely understand. Do what you got to do. Take care of what, because we all get to remember what this is. This is a hobby that can also double as a lifestyle. Exactly. You have to know, you have to know where you're at. And be honest with yourself and with your own emotions, your own needs, communicate those to yourself, acknowledge that within yourself, and then communicate them to your partners. Obviously, and then any other play partners that need to be dialed in. Hey, you're not going to see me as often because X. Hey, you know what? I think this relationship has run its course. It's been great, but that's, it's run its course. I wish you or something, I haven't actually, I haven't had to really do that myself, at least not yet to have a conversation like that.

Daniel: 21:33

Yeah, fun knock on wood, right? Okay. So basically I would, you do a good job. It's not like we do a good job managing your time. And

Monet: 21:51

that's very important, right? Number 1, you and your partner get to prioritize your life, and there's lots of resources out there that you can look up on YouTube or whatever to learn about. How to schedule events, in your life. One of my really good friends, the way she and her spouse set their life up is they plan pretty much a month at a time. And so every weekend is dedicated to something. So one weekend it's the motorcycle ride. One weekend it's, they're going to go do a cultural event, either go to a play or go to a museum. Then another weekend, it's dedicated to their household because they're homeowners, so their household projects, the garage, the lawn whatever they need to take care of. And then the last weekend is usually spent with helping his parents because his parents live nearby and obviously he wants to be a good son to His parents, so he offers to go out and help his mom with whatever she needs, his dad with whatever he needs. So this way they're getting in and maximizing their time. Now granted, these friends of mine do not have children living in the home. So obviously that would be a different story. Then you manage your time in a little different way, especially if your kids are involved in sports when your kids are involved in sports. A lot of times, that's your sometimes it can be your entire weekend on the field sometime or in the gym. Yeah,

Daniel: 23:23

no, I would hear you because I just my daughter just got done with soccer. Her soccer team and guess who was a soccer coach of that and managing practices and going to games. That's that's time consuming. Of

Monet: 23:37

course, absolutely. Especially when you want to do it well and you get to do those things. Of course, nobody's saying that you shouldn't. You should absolutely, whatever she wants to do, be there because this time, these years will fly by. The days are long and slow, but the years fly by. Exactly. And so take advantage of it. She wants you around too. Yeah, because it was a day. Get out of my face, dad.

Daniel: 24:02

Today, she had her jog a thon and I was talking to my wife. It felt like. It felt like it was like, just like a month ago where she had last year's jog a thon where I took a day off work so I could go watch her participate and yeah, it was just time goes by fast with these kids. It

Monet: 24:20

does. It really does. Yeah. And but, even you guys, okay, so maybe you can't even get to an event monthly. Got it. But maybe quarterly? I think anybody can do quarterly with proper planning. Oh, yeah, absolutely that we're going to go to we're going to go to this meet and greet even if it's just a meet and greet so what it's a Friday night out and my humble opinion couples should be having regular date nights anyway, but that date night can be whatever you want it to be. Maybe it's going to a meeting because at least you're mingling together. You know what I mean? Yeah.

Daniel: 24:56

So here's the thing with my wife and I, so I tend to like, the date nights with other people especially with like other couples where we go, we have a couple of drinks, get to know each other, a little flirting, see where it goes, where my wife's she's like the opposite. She's alright, if I'm gonna go into sexy mode I'm just wanna connect with somebody play with them, and then right when it's the second we're done, I have to go back to mom mode. I have to go back to and that's where so I think that's where her head space is at. She doesn't, that's why she prefers or not prefers, but I could say prefers she likes parties and would not be opposed to meet and greets because of the chance of cause she thinks date nights tend to linger on too long. And by the time we get to play, it's one o'clock in the morning and we usually with Baby City, we don't have that much time. Yeah, we usually, if we're going to do something, it's got to be probably like around, I don't know, like 11. 30, midnight, so we're back by 1

Monet: 26:11

o'clock. Yeah, gotcha, gotcha. And that kind of expectation can be set up with the people that you're meeting up with. Hey, these are our parameters. These are our parameters. And if you're meeting another couple, maybe they might be in the same situation. You never know. Yeah. Okay, great. We got to get home too, yeah.

Daniel: 26:31

I was like I think my goal too has always been to like find basically like another couple like you and a, who I consider like really good friends and that we do stuff with not just like lifestyle, but exactly. Yeah,

Monet: 26:48

that's exactly what we found in our motorcycle riding group. So not only do we ride motorcycles together, but some of us get together to go to see a play. We've gone with them to see several plays. We've gone to the Hollywood Bowl. We several of them went skydiving this past weekend. Oh my God. Yeah, I know. Yep, four of them went skydiving. We do other things besides. The obvious, we have actual legit game nights where we play, UNO and things like that. And yeah, we celebrate each other's birthdays, not only at parties, but also even separate, so yeah it's great to be able to have friends to have your community. It is a community if that's what you want it to be, right? If you want those friendships, then you will seek out those friendships and you will be there for your friends.

Daniel: 27:47

Yeah, and I, going back I just think you know, the one thing to remember is you have to Communicate with your significant other if you're a couple And figure out like what's the pace you want to go? Are you gonna go all in and where you're gonna do everything all week or is it gonna be like, okay? Let's look at our schedule. Maybe we can do something like once a month or whatever

Monet: 28:15

or quarterly. Like I said yeah. And it all depends on your season of life. How, what's going on with your kids, right?

Daniel: 28:23

Just out of curiosity, has there ever been a time where your lifestyle friends and your regular friends crossed paths with each other?

Monet: 28:36

I did run into a friend that I grew up with in the same church. Oh, wow. So that was, and that was at a meeting meet, thankfully, yeah. And she was mortified. She saw me first, and she went and hid away, and her boyfriend

Daniel: 29:01

came out. Yeah, I see you!

Monet: 29:03

No, actually, I hadn't, I had seen something through the corner of my eye. I had seen someone scurrying away, but I didn't pay attention because I was just arriving. So then her boyfriend came up and introduced himself and said, Hey, my girlfriend knows you. And I said, Oh, really? Who's your girlfriend? He called her name. And I said, Oh, why don't you tell her to come out? She finally did come out and I'm like, Hey, we're here for the same reason. So respect my privacy and I'll respect yours. There you go. So that was for me, the only real time. That's happened, but I've been with other people when they see someone from their regular life. Yeah. So that's been interesting. Yeah,

Daniel: 29:55

I haven't come across that just yet. So I hope it never comes because like I said, I think You probably handled that as best you could, like you're warming and accepting and then this is true. She was there for a reason. You were there for a reason and let's be adults about this and,

Monet: 30:20

respect each other. Yeah, just respect each other. And there shouldn't be any problem.

Daniel: 30:26

Yeah, that first couple I was telling you guys about tonight like I said, things, we were seeing each other, probably the four of us got together probably two to three times a week. Wow. That's a lot. No, exactly. Exactly. So it was no surprise that they invited us to their kid's first birthday party. And at first we didn't think anything of it. We're like, of course we'll be there. And then it didn't hit us. So Maybe like a couple of days before there were like, what are we going to tell them or his like his family and his friends when they how we met? How you guys know each other? And so again, things are moving fast. He. He invited me to play on his softball team. Oh, nice. Huh. And so with his buddies. And I took him up on his offer and So that's exactly, that was our cover story. Oh yeah, we met through softball. Softball. Oh, very cool. Yeah. Oh, okay. And And like I said, it was a little awkward because, again, it was his parents house and we didn't know what to do. All his friends were from like high school, so we were already outsiders as it is.

Monet: 31:42

Here's our typical story. Oh, we were at a mutual friend's party and we just hit it off.

Daniel: 31:53

Simple, safe. Because

Monet: 31:56

especially if you do meet at a party, technically you meet at a party, and you guys both quote unquote know the host of the party, so there's your mutual friend.

Daniel: 32:09

There you go. So I'm curious, like with you real quick as far as swinging goes, swinging as a couple do you prefer a lot of banter? So you guys meet, usually meet everybody at parties, correct? Like you don't really socialize like on the website.

Monet: 32:29

That's my now we do correct. That is correct. There was a time when we were entertaining more I guess of the emails and things like that, but again, because of the experiences that we had so many people that so many men presenting themselves as couples, but really just hunting for pictures, trying to exactly that kind of thing. So we said, I'm over this. And then Alec, My husband just decided, you know what, let's just meet people at parties, say, tell them where we're going to be. We're going to be at this party. Why don't you guys join us there and we can meet up and see how it goes. And so that's what we started doing. And so that's pretty much how we operate now. But even if I haven't met somebody in person and they do agree to meet up at an event or a party, I'm still looking for that banter. Because our mind is our biggest sex organ. Of course. So where do we go, mentally? So someone can entertain me and engage me mentally. That's for me. That's part of a turn on if they're witty if they're funny, depending on how their banter is You know, I like that I find intelligence sexy. So

Daniel: 33:51

So what do you do like on Monday when you go back to work and like your co worker? What did you do this weekend? I

Monet: 33:59

had a great weekend. Every time I strut into work thinking, I don't care how great of a weekend someone thinks they had, no one had a greater weekend than I did.

Daniel: 34:13

Just met up with my motorcycle friends again. Nothing

Monet: 34:17

It was a ride. Our Saturday ride. I know. Like an after party.

Daniel: 34:23

I was ask you, how long does that usually last? Because I know you guys start in the morning, but then I hear after party, so I think you guys right. Go on to the middle of the night.

Monet: 34:35

No. As a matter of fact, you would love this group. Here's why. So we meet up for our rides at a meet up spot at 9 a. m. But we don't depart for the ride until 10 a. m. So we're there socializing for that hour. 10 a. m. kickstands up and we take off. And depending on the ride, it can be about an hour and a half. And then we stop and have lunch. And then we ride back to the clubhouse. Which is our founder's house and fortunately, they are not night owls at all. And seriously, people will usually start leaving around 7 p. m. And usually the latest person, it's very rare that we're there till 10. Most of the time we're there till 9. It is a whole day, a whole fun day, but you're home and you get to sleep. At a decent time. Yeah, you don't have to be out until and it works. It took a minute for us to adjust to that to be honest because we had been going to the swing cards party for so long and got used to the, whole nine. Or 10 p. m. start till 2 a. m. and, not getting home and going to sleep till around 4, switching over to this mode, but it's been great and we really enjoy it on many levels and that's one of the ways that we enjoy it. But again, that's a, it's a monthly activity. Every month that's on our calendar. We already know. In fact, my daughter has asked me, Mom, are you available to babysit on that day? Nope, already booked.

Daniel: 36:11

That's what I tell her. No. If she only knew why, you couldn't make me say it.

Monet: 36:16

Actually she does. She actually does. Really? Yeah, she does. Doesn't know all the details. But knows that A and I have an open relationship. And, yeah. That's a whole other podcast. It's

Daniel: 36:32

true. Just out of curiosity, are you guys, did you guys come out to just like your family?

Monet: 36:39

No, just my adult children. Got it. Okay. My adult children. Yeah.

Daniel: 36:46

And then circle back on the motorcycle club. I'm curious, did you guys start... Were you guys into motorcycles before you got into this club? Or until you guys found out about

Monet: 36:58

this club? A has ridden for a number of years. Really? Oh, yeah. Oh, wow. Yeah, he'd ridden for, he's ridden for a number of years for as long as I've known him, which now we've been together 12 years. And even before that, probably about maybe four or five years before he met me, he was writing. But the reason why, and yeah, he even had a motorcycle accident where he shattered his ankle. Wow. That was a crucial point in our relationship and really bonded us after his accident. But yeah, and then he bought, no, he didn't buy, he inherited a bike that my daughter had bought that she thought she was going to ride and ended up not riding that. So he inherits that. Yeah, but the bike was too small for him. And then when the gas prices started going up again last year, he said, you know what, I'm going to get another bike that will help save on gas because I can use it to run different types of errands. So he got that and. Then we started, I guess he was perusing for, and probably, yeah, perusing Cassie and searched it out and found this group. And so we've been with them for over a year now.

Daniel: 38:14

Amber, more time we talk about the lifestyle, you always bring them up. And it sounds like really good people, really cool people. And I think I said this every episode. So I'm going to say it again. Hope I get to meet them one day. They seem like I said, used to be very highly of them. So I know it must be true.

Monet: 38:34

It is true. I promise. I promise. But getting back to, our topic. Yeah. So we prioritize for us for a and I, that's an important event. He's missed family events because we have this on our schedule. And that's the way it is. That's our choice to make.

Daniel: 38:56

No, yeah, I totally respect that. Yeah. Don't think I'm there yet. Don't think I can miss son's birthday party. But yeah, but I totally get it. Yeah. All right. Is there anything else you want to bring up about?

Monet: 39:13

No, just basically encourage again, people are, communicate with your spouse, what's important to you, and once you guys determine your priorities for your home, for your family, for your stage of life then you guys get to make your decisions on how you can fit in this hobby. That may turn into a lifestyle. Maybe it's once a month, maybe it's once a quarter. Maybe it's for the particular season. D was saying he and his wife are looking forward to Halloween. Maybe that's when you go. I don't know, but you guys get to figure it out. And as long as you come together and agree. You guys will be good.

Daniel: 39:59

Yeah, I agree. Looking back which my wife and I would have been, we didn't know any better. Yeah, this was before all these resources were out. But but again, going back to boundaries okay how often do we want to meet these people? How often do, what's our goal? Which is to play with them once. Who knows? But again, to to always check in, always communicate, and, we just can't preach that enough. It's just, you have to do that.

Monet: 40:30

That's the foundation of everything.

Daniel: 40:32

Exactly. The first time you stop sharing, it could get a little bit tricky, could get a little, don't risk it, to be honest. And yeah, you might not get the answer you want, but it's, if it's meant to be, it's meant to be.

Monet: 40:50

And once you get an answer, then you can proceed from there. Exactly.

Daniel: 40:56

Exactly. Just because your spouse says no right now doesn't mean they'll say no down the road. They do. They just need time to process what you've asked or how you express how you felt. And and that's okay. That's okay. It's not a big deal. Cause you guys are doing it together.

Monet: 41:15

Yeah, exactly. I think that's about

Daniel: 41:19

it for me, buddy. Okay, so I do have I came up with some questions, and so I'm gonna ask you a question that I came up with. Go for it. And... Again, if anybody wants to write in a question to us you can please do so at let's be open podcast at gmail. com. But tonight's episode the question is, do you and A have a ritual when it comes to pre gaming?

Monet: 41:53

No, I don't think we have a ritual. No? I wouldn't say. So you guys don't

Daniel: 41:58

have a certain playlist or like simple routine to get you guys in the mood, get you pumped up and ready?

Monet: 42:06

It, it honestly, it depends on what type of a session we're going to have. And I will request. A session I'll usually text it to him if I'm at work and I'll request a session and then he'll always ask me what type of session. So that's really dependent on what type of session we're having because another aspect of our lifestyle is that we do engage in S& M play. And so I enjoy impact play. I'm an impact play is basically I get flogged and I get spanked with paddles. And a flugger. So that's an impact session. So if I, if we're having an impact session, I know I have to consume a certain amount of 420. It helps relax me and help me yeah, to just. Help me along in that scene if you will right and then there's a certain type of music that we play Techno music and we'll usually have a red light bulb on in our room for that time If we're not doing the BDSM scene if we're doing just a regular our regular, sexy play time Then yeah, we have There's a playlist that he plays of music that I like, that I find arousing and sexy and yeah. And then we have nice lighting in our room and sometimes we'll smoke a little bit and do edibles and... Yeah, and that all helps us. So I guess it's somewhat of a ritual, but it's not the same every time. It depends what kind of interaction we're going to have.

Daniel: 43:47

Change it up. It's just pretty pretty routine with you guys. Yeah, same here. So we have a playlist my wife really enjoys 90s R& B together in the middle. Whenever something lifestyle or something to that extent will have that platelets going a couple of years ago, I did. By different types of color lights for the room and kids found that broke those older new ones. And but yeah we usually have our favorite beverages ready maybe a couple light snacks just, so we don't keep it light, keep it fun. So yeah, but yeah that's what we tend to do. So hopefully we can make it more a regular thing in the future. That would be fun.

Monet: 44:38

Yep. Yep.

Daniel: 44:40

All right. All so from Monet and I hope you guys had a good time and peace out. Have a good

Monet: 44:49

weekend.