"Coming out" Swinging

What happens when you open up to people in your "real" life about the fact that you have an open relationship/swingers? Monet shares a story about a recent situation that addresses this very thing

Transcript

Daniel: 0:30

Hello, and welcome back to another episode of Let's Be Open Podcasts. Tonight, Monet and I will talk about her vacation and she has a story for us she's going to share with us. So sit back and enjoy the conversation. I know it's been a while, but we're glad to be back and hopefully you like tonight's episode. So first off, let me introduce. Bonet, how are you? Hey Dee, how are you? I'm doing great. I'm happy to be back. Like you said, it's been a minute, but yeah, you were on vacation. How was that? It was on vacation. It was fantastic. It was my very first time to Hawaii and I went to the Island of Kauai. And I can't wait to go back. I'll just put it that way. It was so amazing and beautiful and relaxing, everything that a vacation should be. With the exception of my unexpected souvenir, I brought back a fractured ankle. Oh no, how'd you do that? It was a rough landing on the zip line. Basically, it was my fault because I was not wearing proper footwear. I was wearing sneakers and I should have been wearing hiking boots because that would have protected my ankle and my foot. So I thought it was a really bad sprain. That's how it felt. I didn't hear any cracking or anything. It just felt like I landed wrong and it felt like a bad sprain. So Afterwards to my credit, I did finish the zipline course. There were seven ziplines and I did it on the third one. But I completed it and it was amazing and I'd do it again, except with the proper footwear this time. There she is. And yeah, of course. And then so I decided to go to the doctor while I was there. My only option due to my insurance was to go to the ER. Fortunately, there was not a long wait. I was in and out pretty quickly, but the doctor when she saw me said, Oh, we'll go ahead and x ray it and me i'm like, no, you don't have to x ray it. Listen I just know it's a bad sprain. Just give me some crutches and i'll be on my way She says no. No, we're gonna x ray it. So she comes back and says well, congratulations. You have a fractured Fibula, which is the small bone in the ankle. So it's on the outside of the ankle. It's about a two inch fracture So I got myself a boot and some crutches and yeah, but anyway, pain's not too bad. Once I'm up and about it's not too bad. I just keep it elevated and I've been going to work and whatever. So I'll be fine. Yeah, go for it. First question. Is this the same ankle he's spraying when we are on our feet? You know what? Years ago. Yeah, I'm gonna say yes. I think it's this number one. Yeah, now it was a picture. And my second question is, has this affected your lifestyle or the lifestyle? Between hubby and myself, yeah, activity is not as frequent. We've had activity, and I'm making more of an effort to engage with him because obviously that's an important need for him, we're not able to do, have our full experiences between us that we would like. But I'm not going to let it hold us back. In fact, tonight we're going to go to Swing Hearts. Is that tonight? That's tonight and the theme of tonight is beauty and the boot. So I said, yeah, let's go I have my own boot built in. So there you go. Yeah, you're good to go. Yeah Party we do a lot of people watching and we hang out with our friends and We have played at the party before, but we don't always, but I'd like to give a, an opportunity at least to either reconnect with someone we've met in the past and, have be fulfilled that way and satisfied that way. Cause I'm not able to do as much as I normally would do. And I'll be fine. It'll be fine. So we're going to go and we're going to have a good time regardless. It'll be good. Attitude is everything. You two always seem to have a good time no matter what the situation is, that's right. That's right. You go to that party, it's always it's always fun, oh, yeah. Always a good time. Yeah, I'm looking forward to that. Welcome back. I'm glad you're safe. Thank you. Thank you. Me too. And if I've learned anything while you were gone, you are the glue that holds this podcast together. Aww. arrangements to, bring on your husband for an episode, but I was so busy. I couldn't get anything organized and set up in time. So if it wasn't for you, I probably, it would be a one episode podcast. I won't let that happen, bro. No way. Okay. All right. So moving forward let's get into this episode. Like I said, in a little bit Bonet's going to have a little story time. She's going to share a story that her and her husband experienced. And so before we get into that I want to get our key part, key party question of tonight. So I actually did a little digging and these key parties. Still exist, actually maybe not as quite as frequency back in maybe 40 years ago, but there was one on, I believe it was reddit that I saw that happened a month ago. So it was about four couples that know each other very well. Everyone's comfortable each other already. And so I guess apparently the everyone showed up, had a cocktail. Women went into a certain room. The guys picked a key and that was their lady for round one. Now, the writer the writer made it very clear that everything had to be consensual. So if you didn't feel comfortable going full swat or full all the way, then you know, maybe a little soft play with a partner and stuff. And then, so that was round one, round two they fired up the grill drinks. And then after that, it was. Whoever you choose. So they're still going around today. Sounds like a little bit though that they've been revised or modernized a little bit. A little bit. Yeah. Because when it came to my, when I first heard about them in in the 70s, I just. Picture like 30 people, party and then it's just all these keys and yeah And so there's which kind of sucks which is you know, I don't know about you But for me, it's I like to have some type of a connection of leading into play. So totally agree. Yeah Tonight's Yeah. So tonight's key party question is, if you were going to go on a lifestyle vacation, where would you go? That's very easy for me to answer because I just came back from Kauai. So I would love to go to Kauai. Take, three, four couples. The island is very small, so I don't know if there's a lifestyle scene at all. But if I was going with a group of friends, we would create our own lifestyle scene, obviously. But it's just so beautiful. They're so chill, so romantic. Yeah, I think that's what I would like to do. For me, it'd be more about the people that we're going as opposed to the destination. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, the company. Yeah, it makes sense. Yeah. I think my wife would probably like that. For me... It would definitely be going to like some type of resort, like Desire, because when we just go on vacation in general, I tend to like, I want to stay at one place, enjoy the amenities, relax, not have to worry about, my wife's like the opposite, it's okay, here's the schedule, we're going to do this. This and this and it's moving along and a little bit more is also for me personally, I tend to like a resort where I can just not have to worry about anything. And I can just, like I said, enjoy the. The people and have a good time, right? Yeah. Just relax. Yeah. Because half of enjoying the lifestyle scene is relaxing. You have to be relaxed, to enjoy the banter, enjoy the conversation, enjoy building that connection for the evening and then to see where it goes. And then too you said, you're going to say you go with a group of three other couples there's like the, there's there's no. Endless possibilities, right? As far as what you can and can't do. Seems like everyone, especially if everyone's on the same page. Would you be opposed to going on a swingers cruise? I would not be opposed. I'd be interested. I've been on cruises before which I really Yeah, so I would be interested in doing that. Again I'd like to go with at least one of the couple if not two or three, others So that would be something really fun. And then if it's lifestyle Don't have to worry about anything, so yeah, exactly. Yeah, you're good to go. Whatever connections you make. Yes. Okay, so All right, so you're ready to get into your story now. I don't know all the details You said you had something to share and you gave me like a little taste of it. So I'm curious of what you have to say. So everyone sit down and it's a story time. So here we go. Here we go. A and I are very involved with our son's school he's still in high school. And so we have a lot of opportunity to meet lots of different parents. I had met this one parent, really nice lady, single lady, very talkative, very great personality. She seemed to be drawn to me not necessarily attractive, but at least drawn, you can just tell when someone wants to get to know you, right? So we were having a little bit of a rapport and then while I was out of town A had another activity and she was one of the ones that showed up And initially she didn't realize that A was my partner, which was, no problem And then it finally did come out she goes. Oh, okay. You're connected with Monet. That's great. And so that caused her to be more interested in chatting with him. And so that dialogue was going back and forth and then he began to share with me that they had been texting. When I got back, he updated me what was happening and they had been texting back and forth and flirtatious and this and that. And I thought, Oh, that's great. Good for him. We all enjoy having our ego stroke, right? Being told, especially by a new person, and the older we get, we want to know, do we still got it? Can we still attract people? Yeah, she was rather flirty with him and that was great, and so we, he and I were discussing are we going to let her know that we're in an open relationship? We weren't sure whether we should or not, because technically this is a vanilla person as far as we know. I ended up reaching out to her, which is not unusual because, hey, I'm back in town and she knew I was going to go on vacation and so we were talking and stuff and I just let her know that I was fine with her texting with him and then he eventually told me a few days later that he did Come clean with her and let her know that we had an open relationship And so I wanted to just affirm that so she knew that he wasn't talking out his booty, you know that it was real That I was fine with that, and that I found it a compliment that she found my spouse attractive, and She pretty much shriveled up as far as that goes. She got very embarrassed that I knew that, about their chatting. And I said, there's no reason to be embarrassed, it's fine. And yeah, it seemed like she shied away from that, banter. It... Which I found it odd, I was sharing with Amy that how come it was okay in her mind when I didn't know, when she thought I didn't know, but then when I did say, Oh, I'm aware of the conversations that you're having and it's fine, then. That was like then she was disinterested. It's we're all adults here. I'm letting you know that this is fine and now not so much for her, because he asked her, would you want to get together and have a drink or something? And she's no, but prior to that. The vibes were all, interest and yes. And so I don't know if it's intrigued. Have you guys like confronted her about it? I have not to my knowledge, he has not. They are continuing to text probably in a little bit more general way. I haven't read the text recently, so I don't know how flirty they still are being if at all, but yeah, I don't know. I don't know. I just found that very intriguing. And then coincidentally, a few days later, I was reading, I like to read the advice columns like Dear Abby and Ann Landers, right? And this one gentleman had written in stating wanting advice because he had found out his wife had reconnected with a former boyfriend. And based on the conversations that he was reading, I don't know if it was text, email, or what it was, but based on the conversations that he read, he believed that his wife and the former boyfriend had not yet consummated the relationship, so to speak, but it looked like it was heading that way by all appearances. So he was asking the advice columnist, what should I do? How should I handle this? And she came, the Vice Columnist came back, in my opinion, very cut and dry and I thought somewhat harsh and not very insightful. She didn't ask him, do you love your wife? Do you want to work things out with her? How much do you want to work things out with her? Basically, her advice to him was ask her how she feels about the status of their own relationship, let her tell you, and then then tell her that you know about the exchange with the former boyfriend. And see what she says and if she says she still wants to pursue that divorce her. That was it. Yeah Harsh after how long they've been married I think I want to say it was like definitely over 10 years, but i'm not quite sure if it was 20 So it was significant amount of time It's Hey, wait a minute. Why not give an alternative? Why not? Again, do you love your wife? Do you want to work it out? Maybe the relationship, the sex has become stagnant. It's become boring, has become routine. Maybe you need to mix it up. It could, one of the answers could be that simple of, Hey, let's go out and buy some toys. Let's go out and buy some games. Let's go out and buy some outfits. That's such a small investment as opposed to just divorce. They have children property. All that is hold on. Why are we throwing what we say is a very valuable relationship? Why are we so quick to throw it away? Sure. It's a challenging thing. Absolutely. No one's saying to work through our issues is going to be easy It's going to be tough. It's going to be challenging. It's going to be painful. There's going to be tears. There's probably likely to be heated discussions, but if you love your partner and if you want to continue to build your life together, why not work it as opposed to throwing it away so quickly and then having to start over again. Going back to this other woman, would you think, Was she judging you and A on your choice to be in the lifestyle or? First thing she said was, I don't judge, but yeah, actions wise, at least towards me, maybe she was, I don't know for sure. Like I said, she's continued to text with A, but I really haven't had. I haven't texted her so I'll just I'll leave it like that. I just haven't reached out, you know I'm not opposed, or when I see her, which I'm sure I'll see her at another school event It's gonna be hey, how's it going? I'll give her a hug I'm gonna treat her the same because my feeling for her has not changed at all, and she's single, right? Single mom. Divorce or was it just I'm not really, I'm not really sure. I'm just, I'm not really, I'm just trying to put my myself in her shoes. What would be mean? Like why slam on the brakes?'cause it seemed like there was a connection between her and her. Yeah. And that's, that was great. That was fine. Yeah. Yeah. And I'm not, I don't know, maybe in this situation, do you think that once you gave your consent, you killed the excitement, like that was the secrecy, the, all the secrecy and the. Thinking around the air that goes out the window now and it becomes real that was the first thing I thought of that was the first Thing I considered ah, maybe I removed the oh, we're sneaking around because the remarks that she made were oh my goodness We're gonna get in so much trouble. She's I'm just saying this to a, we're going to get in so much trouble. You're going to make us get in so much trouble. And it's cutesy. So I think that maybe that was the appeal. And then when I let her know that I know what's happening, it's fine. She's Oh, that's lying. I don't know. I guess some people love that thrill, and I always wonder, like, why people cheat, just to be blank. And, I know for men, I think there's a masculinity that goes with it. Because I think, I understand what you're saying. Like a masculine ain't like people look at like husbands, especially like single males, they look at husbands as like weak and they don't perform, sexual activities no more as much as they used to with their significant other. So they step in and they're like the hero they are giving, picking up married women and giving them pleasures as. But in this case, this has nothing to do with it, with women, I don't know I don't know what the mindset when it comes to going after a married or taken male, maybe if they had a bad relationship, maybe it's low self esteem. I have no idea why people choose to go this route. But it seems like to me, like you guys did the best thing you guys could do is communicate with each other. And I know that's something we keep saying over and over again because, people, one of the pros about being in the relationship being in a lifestyle relationship is that you're, you have to communicate. Are there cons in a, being in a lifestyle relationship? Absolutely. Jealousy insecurities, et cetera, et cetera. But I think with lifestyle couples, you learn how to communicate. And good job. Way to not let this get in between you guys. What, I'm just curious, like, how does A feel about this? Again, he's still communicating with her. I don't know, maybe he, I think probably he's communicating with her in the hopes that maybe she changes her mind over, yeah, the whole courtship type thing. He hasn't said that directly, but that would be my best guess. And that's fine. But I think also he's the kind of person that it's okay, I'm just going to keep putting myself out there and whether that person reciprocates or not is completely up to them, but I'm just going to keep pursuing being who I am and see what happens, let them decide. So yeah, I mean she hasn't stopped communicating. So I think that's a good sign But yeah, we shall see getting back to what you said about, why people cheat. I think that For some women and I say this because i've heard some women say this Especially when they're very career driven and career focused and don't necessarily want to have children or a family they will sometimes become involved with married men because that's convenient for them. They don't want to have a real relationship that they have to consider someone else because they're focused on their career and achieving certain goal goals. So they would rather just have someone that they can have as a, friend with benefits or a fuck buddy that they could just hook up with at their convenience and then, okay, now go home. I don't have to deal BS. But you're here to fulfill my needs, so that sometimes works. And I think other times married women cheat because they don't feel valued at home. They don't feel respected. They don't feel appreciated, which I think is the same case for men. If they don't feel respected and valued, sure. Why do they go outside and start looking for validation and affirmation outside when they're not getting it at home? But I'm sure it's different for every person, every case. And in regards to the lifestyle, you're absolutely right. Communication is key and we were learning and we're continuing to grow in that communication. But I don't think that the lifestyle. Contributes to insecurity or jealousy, it simply reveals what's already there. And then we get to decide, are we going to allow that to hold us back? Or are we going to work on that area so that we can grow through it? The goal with the goal of bettering our relationship because we're bettering ourselves as an individual and then we can have a better deeper more meaningful Connection bond and relationship with our spouse or significant other so I guess the Question I have in mind is like why do you think what is it about swinging that has like this negative? Effective people in like in today's society, right? I think the whole monogamy is, such a huge part of our culture, which I understand and maybe in a perfect world. Everyone could be monogamous, but is that what we really want to do? I know A and I have had this discussion where marriage is the only relationship where we say one person for the rest of your life, whereas you have more than one child. Do you love one more than the other? No. No. Of course not. You may love them differently because you have a boy and a girl, so you relate to them differently because, and they're individuals, they are who they are, but you still love them. Some of us have two parents that are living, some of us have one parent, some of us have step parents, bonus parents, we have bonus siblings, cousins, friends, and yet there's love and concern and value for each of them. So why is it that the marital relationship or sexual relationship is, oh, you can only have one and you can't love any others or have love? That's very limiting. So I think that is just so ingrained in our society. And so people think that's how it's quote unquote, supposed to be. So if there's issues, then, oh obviously this relationship isn't right then. So we have to throw it away and start over. Yeah. I just find it like fascinating that how people can view swinging as taboo, where it's like, Oh, that's forbidden. That's wrong. But then go ahead and have an affair and, but still judge people who are in the lifestyle that like, does not make any sense to me. Like I was looking at numbers right now and. Right now and I know these numbers could be a little bit vague, so take it with a grain of salt, but 15 million people on lifestyle websites now, I know you have to, account for people who are lying about being in a relationship on these sites, or maybe who are poly. But 15 million people are on the sites where 70 million people are on Ashley Madison looking for an affair. And to me, it's it just does not make any sense whatsoever. You think it sounds like everyone's I should be like on the same page. I think the now with the. Rise of technology, like with these dating apps and just information in general out there, educating people. I think, I don't see it will be the normal, but I can see the lifestyle community growing in the future. Because it is okay. Like you said, you don't have to just love one person or I haven't met anyone in the lifestyle where I'm like, Oh, I'm in love with this person. I love my life. In a special, like you said, different way, but... She's a mother for her children, exactly, yes. Doesn't mean, though, I have a connection with each of my play partners. Yeah, I just think, like I said, it doesn't make any sense. The example I can give is, and I think I mentioned this before in the previous episode, but I have... My best friend, been best friends since we were in fifth grade about a year and a half ago came clean saying he's having an affair and he's actually thinking about maybe leaving his wife. And when he told me he had this smirk on him and it was funny cause like that day when I look back on that day. I do not recognize the person I spent with, and I know this person since we were like 13 years old. Wow. We, and I did bring it up, I'm like, because he even said, he's I hope my wife is having her softener affair. And then I wouldn't feel guilty and I'm like what if you guys were like in the lifestyle or, you're saying you possibly love this other person, maybe a poly open relationship is something in your future. And he just looked at me. He's no, that's weird. And I'm like. Okay, you rather this is normal, right? Fast forward to today and he has ended that affair. Although he was very lucky. I think his wife has some major insecurities and to detected what's going on. And instead of confronting him face to face. She decided to send him a text at work, giving him time to take his time, respond to her, to plan L. And after that, he dropped it, and we've had a discussion about it, and, he does feel a little bad, a little bit regret, but he actually feels relieved that he got away with it. Wow. He said he can't see himself doing like something like that again, which sounds like the friend I know for all these years. Yeah, so it's interesting how people can think lying and cheating. It's okay, but they're on the same page. They talk about all this and they approve of sleeping with other people. They got it wrong. We got it right. It just doesn't make any sense to me. Exactly. I wanted to touch on what you were saying. Like you, you love your spouse. I love my spouse, and as much as we love our spouse and they love us, presumably none of us are perfect. I am not able to meet A's needs 100 percent of the time, 365 days of the year without fail because I'm not perfect. He's not able to meet all of my needs perfectly, without waiver 365 days of the year, no matter how hard we try because he's not perfect either. But if he can meet, 80 percent of my needs. I can eat 80 percent of his needs. That's a keeper. And so we have this 80 percent but there's still a 20 percent where maybe we would like some fulfillment. For example, he's a big sports guy. He loves football. He loves soccer. Me less. I find it enjoyable. It's fun to watch and this and that, but probably not as engrossed as he is. And so what if he meets someone who's a huge, Football fan or whatever and he can have that fulfilled with that person. Why should I be upset about that? Hey, you know what? Let him go and have a good time with this person and He comes back happier. He comes back satisfied having had that experience plus if you throw in sex as well It's a fun thing for him and same with you. Yes, please Yeah and the same for me like I'm a foodie and he is not And so he appreciates that my lovers take me out to, nice restaurants or whatever, to have these dining experiences. And we also have, sexual activity. And again, I come home, I'm happy and fulfilled and I'm good to go, for a few weeks or whatever. And. Nothing has changed between him and I because we have not allowed anything to change between him and I Yeah, I know again same page communicating not keeping any secrets With each other. I mean you can't go wrong I know like I said, I know it's scary. I mean going back to when we first got into this lifestyle, you know coming out to my wife was Took a lot of guts on my part as far as cause I didn't know how she was going to respond to talking about our first experience and reliving that. Again, I don't know how she's going to respond. I never told my mom, my wife Oh yeah, I like it when she did this other woman did this or she did that. Or when she let me do this, I've never had to have that conversation with her. And so it was a little intimidating crossing that bridge, but. Once we did it, it was like, Oh, okay, we can have this conversation. And yeah, and there's times where, she thought she broke the rules and I'm like no. It wasn't today, but we've had a conversation like a long time ago. If this scenario came up and, we're good, no, we talked about it, so you got nothing to be ashamed for. Yeah. I think too, in our culture, women are pressured to be virginal and virtuous. And so I think we're very challenged to share what. Our desires are what our fantasies are. Do we fantasize about a threesome? Do we fantasize, about a more, some more, some, do we fantasize about wearing sexy lingerie, having sex in public whatever the case may be, a lot of times, especially in the past where we're ashamed for those things. I do society changing, and especially when it's between two committed. Adults, why shouldn't we share those things so that we can draw closer to our partner? Cause we may be surprised that our partner would say, I would love to see that. I would love to experience that with you. How can we make that happen? Before you know it your bond is stronger. And then afterwards you debrief and say, Oh, that was great. Or even if it was, wow, you know what? That did not live up to my expectation. Guess what? You got it out of your system and you're free to move on. As opposed to if you never get to experience that, you're always wondering, what if only I could, and then that's when, trouble starts because then people wander outside and find somebody else to make that happen with them and for them, as opposed to giving their partner the opportunity, because you never know. Okay. So last question, do you find it, how do you feel when you find out other people that in lifestyle sometimes do have affairs behind their partner's back? I feel like that's so sad to me. It's even more sad. Yeah. That's like you vanilla people because you had everything. You had the opportunity to have everything. So why still was it necessary for you to cheat? Because yeah, that does happen in a lifestyle, it still does happen. So it's like what happened? Why couldn't you still. Confront and be honest, confront your own desires or share your own desires or I, I don't know, that's a question better posed to a person that has cheated on their spouse in the life. Yeah, that's true. That's true. And I'm saying that you haven't, but you do know a lot more people than I do. And I've heard about that once or twice where, yeah, we've seen it a couple of times. And I'm like, really, like, why? Yeah, so weird. I think probably at the root of it, it is still a failure of communication. They were not being honest about something, whether it was something they were getting that they didn't want or not getting that they did want or. I don't know. I don't know. Yeah, I think it's like maybe like some type of issue of let's say let's say 2 couples be the 1 of the husbands and the other wife hit it off, but then across the board. Or you don't get that connection, so it's a place not going to happen, but you want, see what it's like to be with this person. And so then you push boundaries and maybe dip your toes in the water. And one thing, you're it's too late, you made your bed. But yeah, it just doesn't make any sense. I could come home, tell my wife. Cause this has happened to like in everyday life. So and I were talking, I think she may have come on to me. Or she might be making a move and we talk about it and Oh yeah, it sounds like she is or no. Or no, I think you're overthinking it and but at least, we're talking about it, we're making a plan in case Yes, something happens. And yeah, it's just, like I said, I'd rather be prepared than not, unprepared because, yeah. I don't know how I would react if I was unprepared, caught off guard and Right. Everything just happened fast. So yeah, better safe than sorry for us every time I've started a new job shortly after a will ask me. So anybody attracted? That you find intriguing because why he's trying to prepare himself in case something happens, and yeah I'm honest and initially when he first started asking I would be like Is this a trap? But then I realized, Oh, no, wait a minute. Hold on. We're in the lifestyle. No, I can tell him I can say, Oh, yeah, I think such and such said this or did that or, what? Oh, yeah, he's interested or whatever. And Unfortunately, my, my wife has her own private practice, so we don't get to play the game. Yeah, bummer, huh? Yeah. Yeah, bummer. Yeah, okay yeah, so I think Honestly, I would like, our audience to chime in. What do they think? Like with their vanilla friends, why have you ever had that conversation or do you have any friends that are cheating or have cheated, and what has become of that and have they ever even considered alternatives to monogamy? Because it seems the whole thinking process in our American culture is monogamy or nothing. Can we change that? Is there a better solution, as opposed to being married and then getting a divorce? Because if you're attracted to someone, obviously you don't really love your spouse. Nope. Actually, I do have one more question. I do have one more question for you. Was this the first time you and Abe tried to convert? of vanilla into the lifestyle? I'm trying to think. No. No. No. It's not. No. Yeah, that's right. Yeah we've taken we've taken vanilla people to actually swing hearts. Yeah. Just to expose them to see how open they are. Yeah, and actually, the ones that we have taken have all said we feel much safer here in this environment than we do at a regular club. And we said, yeah, because you don't have to worry about getting rupeed, yeah. That's true. It is such a cool, relaxed. Like for maybe a minute, you forget, you're like, Oh, I'm at a lifestyle party as opposed to a regular party with, people and stuff. So yeah, no, I totally get it. We're coming from. I've even taken my cousin. I have a cousin that I've taken to a couple of parties. Yeah. Because again, I want her to be safe. Cause she's recently not fairly recently divorced, single mom, but her daughter's grown already, and, She wants to be out there. She wants to meet men and she wants to get some action. So it's Hey, you know what? These men are going to be respectful. These men come to the right place. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. That's what I told her. Honestly, we pick her up, we take her home. It's up to her whether she meets someone and if she wants to give her number or whatever, and. But at least this way, I know that she's safe as opposed to meeting rando guys and who knows what's going to happen, in more ways than one. Yeah, and her too. She enjoys the environment. She's a little bit more shy, can be a little bit more socially awkward, but yeah. So again, it's about safety, these ladies feeling safe and being safe and yet still having a good time, dancing and laughing and meeting new people, making new connections. And I always tell whenever I bring new people around this and everybody's gonna know that you're new. Yeah. They can just tell, you're gonna have the sign on, you brand new people can just tell that you're new, yeah. Those of us who have been around, we could just tell the the eyes and the headlights a, yeah. So your cousin, is she in the lifestyle, a single female or was it just the one time? No, she went to the party. No. She will come with us periodically. Yeah, but she's not in the lifestyle, so to speak, but she does see the value in, going to a safe environment and meeting people that it's not so scary. Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. I totally get it. Was there anything else you wanted to add before? No, I think that's about it for me. Just like what I said if any of our listeners want to share anything in regards to that, if they know people, they've tried to present maybe The lifestyle is an alternative, to cheating and what kind of reception they have gotten if they've been judged or like you said that's weird. Do they come back like that? Or are people more curious saying, Oh, what do you mean? Tell me more about that. So yeah, if you like to like, but no, we've encountered both, and so obviously people that, that show us right away that they're closed off, then obviously we just drop it and that's it. We keep going. So if you like to write in about today's episode or if you have any questions you can email us at Let Be Open podcasts@gmail.com, or you can find us on Twitter at Lets Be Open Pod at POD. Send us a dmm and we would give back to you ASAP. But for me, I think that takes care of it. All you have fun at your boot party. I will, I always do perfect time and please come up and say hi. They probably won't listen to this after the party. Oh, that's right. Yeah, never mind All right all right so from money and I Have a good weekend and peace out.