The Good The Bad & The Ugly Podcast - Episode 10 - Rob O'Brien

This week we talk to Rob O'Brien. We take a deep journey into the life of the self confessed compulsive gambler Rob O'Brien. How secretly gambling, hiding it away from everyone he knew not only cost him the loss of his closest friends and most of his family, it almost cost him his life. We talk about his long struggle back to the road to recovery and how he found peace and harmony again as he fought to gain control over this terrible and life destroying addiction. Join us as we take a journey with Rob on this heartfelt and deep lesson of life episode.

Follow us on:

Instagram:
https://www.instagram.com/tgoodtbadtuglypodcast/

Facebook:
https://www.facebook.com/100090118761319

TikTok:
https://www.tiktok.com/@tgoodtbadtuglypodcast1_

X (formerly Twitter)
https://twitter.com/TGTBTUPod

Youtube:
https://youtube.com/@thegood-thebad-theugly?si=Rn9KhzTsNGlf9kQh

Finally, we would like to thank our new sponsor, Zorb Events Ltd for sponsoring this show and the next 9 episodes.

They provide...
Zorb football,
battle tag archery,
UV Dodgeball,
sports day events, inflatable assault courses
plus more activities coming soon

Ideal For
sports teams
Presentations
Birthday partys
Stag & hen
Corporate events
Schools
Half term /summer camps
Any occasions!

Order your next event with Zorb events, quote this podcast channel to get 10% off your order today.
Contact Zorb events here for more information:

Tel: 07943735030
Email: zorbeventsltd@gmail.com

Instagram:
https://www.instagram.com/zorbeventsltd/

Twitter:
https://twitter.com/ZORBEVENTSLTD




Website:
http://Zorbeventsltd.co.uk


#gamblingtwitter #gamblingschool #gamblingaddiction #onlinegambling #sportsgambling #gambling #lifestories  #thegoodthebadandtheugly #thegoodthebadtheugly  #selfhelp #podcasts #lifeskills #redemption

Transcript

0:00

This week's episode is sponsored by SoBe Events Ltd.. They provide soul, football, bottled psychology. You vote for Sports Day's events, please. Molson causes pops many, many more of these comments. The idea of the sports season presentations, birthday parties. It's not going to have parties, corporate events, skill parties, summer camps, any occasions. Give them a bottle and use the code. The go to podcast, the 10% subcutaneous spoken word will allow with Sony Mobile. Well if it's to go to and you'll be podcast with me told him aloud on this week's special guest. But Rob O'Brien really looking forward to share in the Good, The Bad and the Ugly with us Rob how are we mates and good mates and goats? Looking forward to it, to be honest. Really, I'm just a while ago, so I mean, I was delighted to give it in like a very appreciative op ed. We spoke on numerous occasions and I know you've got a really interesting story and I know your story will help a lot of people, mate. So I just want to start from where you grew up, where you're from. School life and family life. Yeah. So. So I've a I'm from Canvey in Liverpool and I've got your mum and dad's have passed away now. Kathleen and Dennis. I've got a brother called in and it started off in, in all the Angels school. A lot of people are now backpacking inside. There's been a few former footballers that have gone there but. But yeah. All from Caribbean. Yeah. Me started off really got other a fantastic childhood that are not going up south told me like most of us Yeah yeah you know you know most like where we are you know we you know, we'd be going on holidays in the eighties for me, you know, abroad. Jolene And I'd never, you know we had to Cyprus to I mean in 1988 you mean I never never even knew the country where the country was Never mind any notebook we have we have the funds to be Mum and dad are not in life domain and probably instilled that value into me. You pass that on to your kids. Yeah. You know, and I think it's it's your best and you know, you know we have all £5 as the genes and I've been just so so you know people can have the best of any and like John I mean so Toyama to start that's that's a bit of me rarely Jamaica when often I've had the same mates doing growing up of of I've got a fantastic group of mates from school and going from from school so mates with you and said only I went to all the angels and still mates. We'd like me mates there Billy and Joey. It was out with Joey on Friday. GO Absolutely, absolutely. Well I'd like you me messages saying you 46 Rob, what are you doing coming in in the states and vomiting in a taxi like and it was just it was just a the still a mean body but you know their mates from school and even lads from primary school and secondary school until seven. I mean most of all she was quite posh itself so I didn't go to a cab school and to go and have a goal, make money course I went to like yeah. So of course my mom thought she was a little bit posh like, you know, so she wanted me to go there and there's only, there wasn't, there was probably half went to the cabbie skill and our friend Miguel you stay Mum and dad's thought they were posh as when I was in England. Said we'd go John Wayne. So yeah. So went there. Makes it was a fantastic school for me, you know, I wish we could do a lot of things different. I think a lot of people do. When you get to see an age in school and listen to a bit more and do things, you know, a little bit different. And I was a joker in school, like, seems me, I just, I just like to a lost take it said it and say it said is that we know I put a wish it did looking back I wish it wasn't the values I'm trying to put into Max now. Yeah. I mean you know wanting I want him to be able to, you know, to do as best he can in school because the setting put very important besides what people say. So it was still school days the best easier life. Oh, yeah. You just go you'd laugh, wouldn't you. You'd just laugh about it. Wants to go to school, Tony. You know he wants that. He wants to I thought don't even. And it just wasn't. It wasn't, it wasn't that It wasn't for me, but I just. Just, I just wanted to go on the trips and go a40. Oh, playful. He was. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, you know, place was he was just the most devastating. I've like, you know, for a lot of us that has to go to like I don't see what your hobbies as a kid. Yeah football was just I was outside back then he's he's had a bottle of all this out with his or whenever and then like a little Stanley Bug and then it would go don't play for anybody. So I was just like, yeah quickly by goal, whatever. I mean moment me moment saying you come home when the lights go on outside you. I mean, so it was the summer, it was like Lighthouse council likes to go on some nights a year ago we'd been out all day to sort of max being out now. Yeah.

From like 9: 4:34

00 till till nine, 10:00 at night it's on. And obviously nowadays isn't the kids. We didn't know what was a lot, you know I'm like will be with pizza on the other side of the state and the Thames and feed those and then you know we go the next day would go back down to ours and we might as I'm sure. Yeah. For the kids, it's just I mean, it was it was good I was taking over. So we had a fantastic we had a fantastic time like John. I mean, you know, it was it was a fantastic I was lucky. It was a fantastic child. Childhood, the Alliance, fantastic cousins couldn't do it all older than me. So there was only like him, there was only me, me brother. I mean me too, because those are the best with girls, like so just there's like ten girls and we all in a big family of the big family, like you have to have big family. And, you know, we're not as close as well. I was as a kids even when the moment only and he's with a degree in each other's houses. I used to stay in there. I was. Yeah. Yeah. But now you know which it's still still keep in touch with me. Family life. I love them all. You know, It's with is the way it is. You lose touch and course you know, you get older and get, you know, family and you know when you go for dinner, you come together like christenings, weddings. And now it's mostly for you know, it's like, yeah, I mean, it's terrible. You know, that's the that's the easy times. And did you play football but it's only seems not go on open or. Yeah she played played for she played for she got global growing up life for the different different teams around my and stuff you can be of a goal like you know and skill teams and stuff and you know and you know it was it was fantastic That was that was also great because you with me it was different because I had to be kids. He played and played with. But then I met all the kids from Lagos, Lydia and Miguel and Jeff and their friends. Now, John, I mean, you know, so I've got like a very diverse group of mates. Jermaine Very nice. I've got Evertonian Media, I've got like Gabe, I've got a cab mates, have got me much mates have, you know, with the different groups with very different for different, different variety of friends like so I'm very lucky in that respect, you know, you know, so and I would go and open, you know, going to watch Liverpool Barcelona say about you for possible a massive that Yeah I don't want to weigh in. Yeah I'm a massive Latin fan called me that was good to be following it I don't you like you know your live phone calls you mean you know she she's she's a big she's a big blue like him. I think that's what you should do, too. I mean, she had my uncles and my uncle, my uncles and they would all that's. Yeah. And remember, the music used to give me that legs and I saying you've got to stop all of a problem. I think I just people Yeah. That it is the balls that have go by because the people in the stadium those I don't like every time I go past it now it's just they just you don't want me. It's all, it's just playing it over. You know when you were growing up especially fit in the eighties and still and yourself I mean nostalgia. I'm a little girl in Liverpool and it was it's nothing when you go to match in the North, it was the same for you. When I started going to go, wouldn't you go to like Goodison on your to Anfield? And it's the go in and then you just, you just hoped, you know what I mean. And then you go follow them home and away you know it was there just going in Anfield for the fans going it all fell in on all. You mean she took me. I mean actually to be first game like but you know we didn't really Jermaine used to go with his mates is to soccer with my mates like luckily Leon we go to match together and go in the Kop and stuff It was it was fantastic like it was getting there. See I was four when I was a really, you know, real my God, you can't even get in. So an hour and a half before the. Yeah, yeah. John I mean, you know, it was, it was one of them for me, you know, to my stand him growing up as a kid, I want to love it And so went Yeah. I wanted to have it and said you know look at me daddy strong whipping me off and Liverpool don't win as it went. Yeah that's what we want Jermaine because we're from the same city. Yeah. Yeah. Obviously he's not like that. Not like that now. No I mean but back then not starting I was I think a lot of people in, you know, in the eighties and stuff like that, you know, Yeah. You know, Everton, Liverpool, even stuff once again, you know with the bad times And I put on 40 times have changed even in 1995 you know I remember like we would all I watched it in the pool but not like remember Dan said Hammond Vidal scored. I was made up it all me blue mates and celebrating the 27 year old, you know. And it was just I remember it like it was yesterday because it was like, well, that was the last time, I think. Because when you know, I said, this is the next year and in the 96 seems like me. And it was a bit that's when things went a bit sour and stuff. I think both times it's just been it's not been the same again like, I mean, since then, you know, both I said I've still got after about blue mates like one of my best mates is Tony Smyth. Hopefully you listen to that. Tony hopefully is giving yourselves out there. But yeah, egos, egos, the game to have it in games meeting, you know, these are only blue mates you know close to we get these are the he get he gets the from body double bottles I say like he's even come off. We live on a WhatsApp group. I even come off the WhatsApp group because he couldn't handle the shit when you win the league and he was getting I mean is it just been you said it's the best thing he's ever done so he's not going to be out of. Yeah. You know, we didn't want to come back. No. That everything doesn't want to come back but yeah, that's good. So obviously, you know, I've gotten older and stuff like that. You got when I was in, you know, having a baby and stuff like that. And, you know, when you start putting in a big part in your life and, you know, you started to get involved with like going out to Lincoln and Gamble. Yeah, TIMBALAND'S always put me out for Easter, always gamble. I think it always starts off from my parents or when I get old called, you see, like you always got you always got the bookies. Yeah. Yeah. So who's just put like a couple of quid on it. Wouldn't be like must mean he'd never be mad. And even when I started gambling myself, it was only the fixed odds. A couple of quits. It's not. I was first of all, it was I was probably about 1920. Yeah. When it started to be all way the old fixed auction I wouldn't have had a problem with. I never had a problem with football or things. That wasn't my thing joining me all season yet. It was just. Just. I don't even understand. I know football don't understand football, which, I mean, it means a lot to pick like five teams to win each year. Went on to win a million with a lot of We got to win on the ground. Yeah. And it's like, well it's never going to happen but if Tata's out, they didn't even start like that for me. So what You know, I do a decent job. I, you know, for I went the matches with when I, when I was in school and all that and then I come out of matches and I wasn't able to show the lions any time just to begin in Saudi with the definitely no one saw the lions in the big it's the big sandcastle the Saudi wasn't it. Yeah. It's Barclays. Yeah. You don't want to say I worked in the M the big sandcastle building and all the wall sit there and you know glowing open. I know the diverse group of friends, you know, with colleagues, their colleague Jolene, who's still still friends with now, like, you know, we named it's you know the bank called you then to me and it was like the other bothered and you know, they are the people doing bats and stuff. The subsidized bottle was like 30 5pa pint to me. You know, it was ridiculous to me. And it was like 50 people about couldn't talk to me. And you know, that I be his dad and do negotiation and stuff, putting it on with a group of lads. And I wasn't me, I was, wasn't, I wasn't. They saw. Yeah. The also they shouldn't even in the local pubs now by hosting the have a debate on a book and you know man that's never been into it life to over put in. But yeah. And then you know I worked there and and then in 2005 and Liverpool won the Champions League I got I got to the European Cups and I was selling the European cups to coming in from China and like these European Cup shows overlapping the European Cup. So yeah you told me, you know, a kid with for the first time and I, you know, you've, you've seen them all, you haven't seen them, you know, you know, you know, I made a lot of money on that like and it was a lot of money to pay off mortgages at the time and stuff, but it didn't. I thought it wanted to move house and everything & do that. Yeah. Yeah. I got introduced to him. Texas Hold'em and any of my mates Willie, Dave, Jermaine and told them is obviously poker. Yeah they'll tell you I was the shittest poker player the world is I've never seen but I. I found online poker at the time. I don't think it moves anymore I don't think the of my because I was but 88. com. Yeah. Yes it was it was a thing back then like do you know what I mean and it was it I was just on there but I was I mean I used to sound I'd like a little room and I'd like the computers at the park and I was just put me headphones on and I play but I play in the middle of the night with the Americans. So I was too, because they there

it was only used only say 10: 12:52

00 or 9:00 in the night, day and night. I'd play the blinds and do AWACS and Texas Hold'em. Is that like the other blind? So the blind might be five quid in st with Joe means you have to look and go I'm not going to bastard mean I'm not going to pacify because to be honest. Yes. Yeah. But there it was $100 and $200 so we had to go in because you've already bought the only thing you. I've got to go. We've got to trust of the cards. I'll go see it inside. Do it. And I just lost money after money after money and I don't win in the solo. No, no, no, I wasn't. I wasn't winning at all. And then it won't stay if your grand on this on like within the space of a week, I was like, Oh my God, that's it. Now I'm not going back now because I've got my money back and get you back to State. It's like it's just really a bad decision because you think I'm back, you think I'm invincible and you just How much have you put in for 18? I know. Don't you all know that? That's definitely like. But no, but at the time I got to see it again. I'm back. And one more wall to wall to put in. So I caught create this and what I thought in our promise I'm going to stop a lot in the old ads because I was a secret gambler. So did you did you did you you know, at the time didn't. No, no, no one no one knew. Like you or me and you know about it. Like I be friends now or the conscience of friends and all my friends knew this was all a big, massive shock when it come out, like to me. And it was it was the biggest shock since. And was it Rob, what was it to you? Was it like the the and the adrenaline? Was it just like that? You don't see? I used to get the same adrenaline when a lot big don't want to win a big because it was like was tall cost you mean it was like a release it was like I can't even tell you It probably, you know, I've compared to, to sometimes like having an affair to a man, you know, because it's going to be a secret. But it was my own little thing. I didn't after it was my own baby. It's just my own things. And people notice and stuff don't go up like going somewhere. You're tired. And so because I was tired, like sometimes to play in the job at the time, like, you know, get away with stuff to leave because it was an office based job. And so, I mean, you know, we're Bosnians with customers and seasonal stuff like that. So yeah, yeah, you have to get this after. But to be other people doing work and they just got swallowed up. So I used to meet meeting and go and speak to people and I, the Greeks, I was only young. Join me. Yeah. Yeah. You know, but, but then as as the gambling sold I was, I was in Meath, I was the salon. I was terrible to my gambler. I've never had a problem with gambling until I got to just 82. I'll say it in 1926. Yeah. And then I was battered. Then back to, I mean, you know, really big like it. And that's when I lost my money. And I probably I probably changed into a different path. And I, I was a horrible bastard. So really, really was like an am you're selfish mode like not didn't care for me Mrs. at the time to see stuff kids die out of this time. I just wanted to just do that. And then when I lost, I wanted to stay in there longer. The time went, but yeah, and I used to have memorabilia on the board. But like, you've got here, I'm saying to you, Mrs. we need to go. I'm going to got lock the door because it was safe for the kids coming in and asking for stuff. So I said I that I think all the memorabilia is on the ceiling. So whenever you want to get a warning, so don't like a lot of fucking door and no want to be able to come in and to stab me told me in the middle of a game and stuff like that because well, so. Oh yeah. No no he's back Baton Baton Ridiculous still mean. And you know, I remember Ivan at the time because of the trophies and because Liverpool doing well in that you know I was over on the country bank domain over £200,000 and be painful for a lot of you know not even say at the time thinking, oh my God, told me what to do with this life. I want glory. I could have paid off me more to pay my mortgage off our mortgage. We got it from a right to buy a house to be able to pay that off. Tony and I had a boss life to me. Yeah, I think we paid quite a bit for your grandson. I was actually. I mean, you know, with like, you know, a three bedroom house. Not like in there. I lost a lost a lot. Like Jimmy lost every single penny I had to think is lost about 225 grand in your money. But then at that time, you have got a credit card with of a life and then he got it was a credit card. Apply for the other cards and go on and apply for the credit cards and then go on to Morgan Chase. Slide, slide. But I got to seem to show us all that's all my money gone here. And he said, I need to go. I did enough. I'm not one of them people, by the way. You know, all my mortgage always got paid. Yeah. Yeah. So I shouldn't you know, I didn't I didn't always pay my mortgage, always paid me bills because maybe that's what's in for your mum and dad to pay the bills to make you pay the bills and that, you know, everything you got and, you know, so I was up, I thought, I'll try and get another car. So we've got a grand on the couch. I was the same. This is the same, you know, on the cards looks the same. But in the same. I was so I had eight cards. There was about eight credit cards in. And our total looked at nearly 80 grand to maintain the old and 25. So I've lost out on got down to 25 was my own my own money like you mean that I lost told me that was my I'm not a made on trophies and memorabilia and on the back in Liverpool and then there the I am absolutely blew the lot and then the memory Billy they destroyed the air. I didn't have any pennies to pay that money back to the 80 grand gone on on that issue. They shouldn't have allowed me at that time. They shouldn't have allowed it should have been allowed. You can't do that now. You had the other big checks and stuff like that, like this was going back nearly don't shoot nearly 20 seconds to 25 years, what, 20 years ago? Nearly 20 years ago, Joe? I mean, 18 years ago. But I couldn't I couldn't do it. So, you know, you couldn't. You couldn't. Now, that wouldn't be allowed to, but you couldn't get Chef, or would I be able to shoot and to say, like, I'm on you, Let me get all the credit cards out And there. But what happened is I was in I was just in a bit of a bad way in 2007 come explicit with me. Mrs.. Because because of the way it was to me in the gambling, you know, I came in and I was sleeping and we make have we make have like he is in I've got three best mates Alan and Cavill, I can name them, I speak to them most A's and, and everything. But I didn't sell anything. None of them knew about this to me. None of them knew. Did not ask, obviously, what's going on with you? And you, Mrs. and fucking I know Josh said about up. Yeah, well I thought I'd done. I saw cystitis go out with this girl in Birmingham at the time and stuff. I don't ask have because you Mrs. at the car. Can I have a bodyguard and stuff out comes car. I was paying them every month for the car like he was only going to court or something like that anyway. And in the end you know I didn't have nowhere to go. I was sleeping in the car and at the time you could. You could park Knutsford services. You can't do it now if you sleep all night. Told me only parked ever so you know, I used to park machine wagons and a V and you know and so yeah because it just because hi the way you like to I mean because I would want to see all these wagons from your car there. There's a park in front of the wagon, but you know, wagons covering it and it got me down and I don't know if it is hardened to the fact fact I didn't wanna I didn't want to do it like you. You want people to know any situation. You want anyone to know the depths I like. I was getting showered in in a service station and try myself with like we me wax yet because I had nothing else to I did no tiles and I mean it was it I would stay near there for three months like and you know go to different service stations all over on down the M6 honey And I went we, I said do you want to go? You can go. Waited till I came. So I had a piece of bread and from the toughest and it was made up because it was Wait, don't answer. We had to sleep ourselves all Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, stuff like that. But. And, but yeah, I was. I was in a bad way and I never wanted me mates. Alan, My best mates. Alan said, look, what's the best I got Pace where makes I think it's all they want to be made. He told Alan and I said, Look, we've just moved into this. I wish I could turn it all off and lovely little house and on fields and it was a name and save those. I mean, you're staying in your car. I didn't really know the Alan that well. And I mean, you know, when he said, you know, staying in your car comes to even his wife case. Absolutely. So for the half people like brilliance moved to the afterlife, family and friends do become like that. So don't be difficult to become family like they do. Let me let me go in. Let me go there. Like you name. I went, Dad, and I'm still gambling and she's still gambling and obviously I still have so, so still gambling. There was I remember there I remember the goals I'd lost there think it was thing was £5,000 I lost after getting the money back up again and I had five grand and one little change quickly. I still got in cards as well like no, no, I at all. I never I got went to I didn't get any cards after. Amazing. That was 80 grand. So you see all comes your cards, just credit cards. But they allowed me to got like you know book so I didn't have no money They the contract control maxed out and I saw not stopping you Rob you just going to fucking say you and of course you had to me but now if you get like you should set a chair where normally you don't get past the first check. So, you know, basically. So where did you flagging you want to me No mates. It was it was, it was barely. But then I got so desperate that I didn't have any money, so we didn't have anything like any one moment I didn't have anything because they used to be like we both had a little boy, like you name it Josh in the mortgage, the double. Solomon Yeah. I mean, got kids in that way too. I mean, we all did. We wanted I didn't have much anyway, you mean and him and remember losing this five grand and I spent a bit more than I actually might have been. More than when I lost this money. I went to my mum. I remember I said, Look, if you've got £20 to let me. I said, So now I haven't got anything. I'm going to get paid on Friday and knock out and maybe gives. Why. What's the matter. You must have 20 quid, you must fucking have 20. Never sworn at me mum like unknown. But she said, she said she's, she's just looked at me like and I said you must have fucking 20 quid mum. You must have. I said surely I haven't was to myself. So I said you just a fucking slug to me old woman I and pay damn. Just when you say not like because I don't have my mummy anymore. She died nine years ago, like in February. He would have been nine years and years ago. AM Which is just when you call your mum, you know, a slug like it, it was the first thing you were thinking. I mean, you must have been robbed. You must have been. My son was on the phone with me. You must have been desperate for that school. That's 23 of them. But you saying you're Mormon and sometimes you say you don't even swear you're Mormon, obviously. So you know what you just said and it's what you so that you both you must have been. That's what I was also, though, you know, you know, I'm upset, you know, in my school kolkata's pursuit of old school, you know, it's cool, you know, And like him, you know, it just destroyed me, mate. It did for for the while, you know? It did it. It had me and only look all me moment me, mom and me that were there for the next 15 did you can find them and and you know, with that, you know obviously I didn't come up with an all out I'm like yeah I mean obviously you most probably folk and say like on what? You know what I mean No it's just it's just like it wasn't one of them people would not anybody else because they do not own it. Yeah. She never got mentioned again. So to in because you wouldn't know what the shard. Yeah. It was just the same but like I remember saying sorry you seem when remember I remember it was months later that wasn't just and to me you know, but I was honorable so I was, I was audible. I like I was. I've heard cause I was just. I was just audible, like, Yeah, I mean, it just a just a filthy, dirty, like it was just honorable to pass. And I was then, you know, just I can't even I can't even see to, to go upstairs. I can't even they're just chalk. It was just chalk and cheese to different people. And when you look back at the past, I'm. I'm so sorry for the people, I guess. Yeah. Actually, I mean, part and like, because I was I wasn't a nice person, you know, everyone around me and I wanted the only other for a major problem, you know back then and I'm not saying, you know at the time, you know, it's what you know, speaking about it. And I can see how maturity and stuff because listen, you know, you pick an offset to speak about it and that takes a lot of to come on speak out openly about mistakes that we all make. Listen, we all human, we all make mistakes. But say a big person said to stand off old ones or apologize for their mistakes. And you comment on the speaking about this and you know your journey that you've been on because this for some people out there made it was exactly in the same boat. If you like. You say hide stuff away. I can see, you know, exactly what you're speaking about because there's so many people I got involved in this online betting. Yes. Gamble And they've got to be the horses, dogs, the people and the 40, the online poker and the disease and the whatsername. And it it is a bit of a what seem weird to say to people when you when you when you're desperate or whatever. It's like a drug addict or an alcoholic doctor, What do you want the blokes to want to do until I LPA Or if your baton or your want? And Coleen said so to me for bass do you'll do any and and sometimes you know based on what I've had and then it'll start playing on your mind you can fall and I want to put on the airport illusion that amount of money that they be not even the day before I was before then say nothing you to I mean just having that money there and then say not to be able to I mean, you know, it it just it just it killed me. But like, you know, and then the 2nd January 2007, that was my last bet. And, you know, I didn't love I didn't have a I didn't have a bath after a day or a couple of days before I was in the bottom. I couldn't I was simply mates back to you and Ricky to put me up. And then I started just on oh, by the way, it was like a bit of a shithole here and feels and they tone it all off, my God. And the whole, like the kitchen, every empty bedroomed bathroom is working fantastically. I think it was great. And they put me up because I was living in my car and him and I. I was. I was there and I was. I was in the bathroom. I was the lowest I've ever, ever been. Your life sound of a blow broke down and then all, all the tablets. So I tried to kill myself. So there's no way out of this life I was getting. I was getting demands off of those on all credit cards. It builds up. They were ringing me. Phone was going off to be with them all the time and of course, like, you know, I had to go sleep and I think my phone was ringing. I wasn't it wasn't good. It was the middle of the night seems to be ringing in the middle in life. But I have dreams about it. And it just did the seed. No one knew about the scale and and just spiral out of control. Just spiral down a member so you can get at the coke. Hold them all in policy. Some all of a member just taken a load of them on name and then I was I was out I was out for it. Now I'm coming to the singing and I said, I'll just talk all the sample. It's like an evening we make Kev and you make Billy Coleman are now talking to, I suppose it was in there for a couple of days because I took that much. That much, I mean, yeah, yeah. You know they're, yeah. They only bother and you know, am I come out of there and you know, and I remember going back to ours and I'll said, Rob, you don't even realize what you've done, only you know of using because it killed yourself in our back room here with us with what you've just done. All this house was, this was our house and stuff and you've like built that kind of thing. And, you know, you know, we said you can stay till you show yourself out like an audible time. At the time you don't think, you know, quote, consequences. Yeah yeah. That you know, the people that you're going to know obviously it's fact some level and your friends and as Mrs. and and you know just roommates Kev and Billy and stuff like that you know before come on and does little you know and to know your brother and your family and stuff like that. Yeah. No you just don't you don't realize the effect that signs and you know in life those and as I said to, to Johnny when he was me last but I knew him I, I, I when I first went in to Gamblers Anonymous on the 6th of February that she was a Tuesday night's in pitch by the graft on the bus. No, no, that was that was that was from your own back. Go back and be messages the time and it was that was him. She went and there was a farm at the time I think they don't, they don't, they don't m I had a friends or family group where you made the wives or something as a family, a compulsive gamblers went and there's another room where when I went to the member going in there, they filled up and you know, it's just it's just full of old people. I was probably the youngest person and it was a middle aged. Yeah. Middle aged fellows. Your me you know, their Mrs. is not a no no. So stay with the missus went in the room, we were in the Gamblers Anonymous and it was separate honey, but. And now I can have you on speaks go to go round, you know, the room and stuff. You want to speak. You are speaking, people speaking and I remember thinking to myself, Oh, my God. I mean, you know, in my junior. Yeah, you know, I'm not there. Spotlight, you know, because it was so it was only over a period of like three years that I was the bad know me I was bad because I didn't I didn't I at the fixed odds or if the National come down and have a go with the national. But it was never bad. It was just when it got when I played the poker that it was, it was just hard And this like John I mean you know you know, it just just spiraled and, you know, I was just I was just in and it going in there was just a shocked all she all these older fellows, some in the forties, 56 thieves only. I was only just 80. Jimmy. Yeah. Oh my God. Doing that book. I stayed there and, and eventually gave me story and told them we're like, well I wasn't caught because when people, new people come into Gamblers Anonymous, it helps the older fellows who were really still just doing it every day to me, you know who it was who have gone to use these those the best minds. That was the pain that they were. But they are still me. They can see what they see the pain. And I remember I'd be first me first time and there, you know, with it, you know, I didn't I didn't speak. I don't think Michelle and I will not speak in the next week or spoke. I got really obsess over pay it's not because and then I was never it about so yeah I've been open a nice family as I said and you know going gay friends and I was just a horrible bastard like to a mean a self-centered piece of shit it that's our home because it didn't I didn't, I didn't realize that I was that bad, but it was I want to look back now. Am I happy that I'm the past now I'm today he has I'm so far removed from some from my past and both going to g I every every week I would sometimes to means difference in Liverpool and I go over to bacon ads in the YMCA there and after me in there and go you know go go to Wigan or go to it, go to different places all around Liverpool. And I, you know, we went there every week and you know me Mrs. went to the next room and, and he thought it wasn't free, it wasn't funny then because it was it more start with, although like other people's partners like speaking, it's not a thing for the fear of racism at the time. Little I thought about it. He still I've thought like friends and family to you don't really taken off because of their struggles they fucking struggling with the partners. Yeah they can obviously speaks of like minded people who've gone through that what the rest of you know and like, you know, I'd say they don't associate yourselves. Don't associate yourself with anyone who gambles. That's part of the thing. Why you can. It's because my mates haven't got a problem with gambling. It's me. He's got the problem. Yeah. So for me to say, like, you meet no more because you have a best friend. Well, I'm not. I'm not. I can't be around you now because you have the best. That's like I go away. Gangs of Liverpool. All the odds are in the fixed odds on all talking about. Yeah. How did you do with that? Of course, you know, what do you do? You know, it's what. But I've and I will do the do a car. I can stop an airport city. Three or four of them are put in the back of the Achilles. They're all four of them. Got issue with it. It's me. You got to try to explain that to me. All the years I'm never going to say to my mates that I want you in my life because you are the focus. You have a better date. It's like they like the I Trump gambling organizations are saying the bookies should be should be banned or they shouldn't have so many inside of. But there's only like a 5%, 10% people in the country that have a problem with gambling. So the people don't. So why should I tell you? So it doesn't have a problem. Yeah, but come. You shouldn't be betting. I mean, I shouldn't be on this podcast because. Because I know that you have a better should be associated with you. So in the ads it was always that and and every year I was in, I was in jail for ten, ten, a ten and a half years. I was in jail for a what me old meeting and see they meet me and Zaman and I one of the worst things ever in life was when I left J. Damon just didn't. Wasn't me anymore, John. I mean, it's ten years and me as my friend got me sponsor, but because I left my he didn't want to be my friends anymore. John I mean, you know, and it killed me because so I mean to ten years is a long time and he is is alongside some probably thought Yeah, yeah yeah exactly Brother John I mean you know was in and he was like I he's just be seem like all the time. Yeah. Yeah. And then it was like unquote you that's your debt to me now John I mean is like I couldn't I took me it took me a few hours probably to get over here. Yeah yeah. Took me a while I can. Even when like him, like friends have passed away and their family members have messages and say, look, there, you know, I know you don't nothing, just not family. So I feel like I would get off completely. Just caught me off. Was it like you know, I told Sean ridiculously bad all because I wanted to say it on my own. See, I didn't think I got to six and six, six years, three months without. I, I thought I'd have to go back, but don't because I've got a very strong network of friends and speaks it like I think have every day. I've got a fantastic missus who he was there to speak to people. She has bought me book a certificate because she didn't see the horrible. But she says to me, I don't think you've got a problem. We've got kind of a problem gambling, because I've never seen the horrible double talk you defensive or you know, people say, Yeah, he was a bit of a dickhead Germaine and stuff like that, like a lion playing on a bus. This joint, he just he doesn't, he does. He, she just she's like all I got, John. I mean, it's a bit of a pleasure sometimes and stuff. Well, like we all of course he's just, he's, he's just, he's that he doesn't see the problems that that that that that somebody are ten years and this is this is very important for me so because so many people say to me I want to go away for away for a fantastic company called Kind of the Life Now. So I've got I've got a sports memorabilia business, and I got away for kind of the life and and I'm very lucky in the fact that, like I've worked with fantastic organizations that have allowed me to do, you know, podcasts away for a, you know, not podcast. It it seems me, you know, tell tell it tell my story to the to our employees and our colleagues, to me. And, you know, and, and I work for the fantastic building Society down in town in AM Town in Essex called Saffron. And they let me do it. You know I there you know teams meeting all about gambling like this put your sports teams meeting where there are people coming in. I still speak to the families and friends that I know, so many people I know. No one, no point, not even now. I've left Bill. After two years. I still speak to the mums and and the people who've got the problems with gambling now. I mean, you know, and sign up them and stuff because some of them don't want to go to. Of course you think it's not for them. But I can only say is this the company. Yeah. Yeah. This is the only way to get round this. If you're still going with gambling, there's only one way that's going. You've got to save your life. I promise you. Because it can only get worse if you go to court. If you go to Gamblers Anonymous meetings. Understood. Have you ever did not at that bullshit of the Congo. You can't find one or do not by you that everywhere. So that's the only way toe is going to save your life. If that saved my life too. I mean, I'm thankful for Gamblers Anonymous for that. And I'm stories every single. Every single. Yeah. John, I mean, you know what? You know, And, you know, you've just just made me think I don't want I don't want to do that. I don't want that pain at that father's going to the funerals of compulsive gamblers, you know, that have killed themselves because of gambling, too. I mean, I've got this is why I wanted to come on the podcast off, because I wanted you to share your story on, you know, gamblers are like it's a it plays a major part in people in daily society, loads of people. I know this and I have a little bass, a little and a little line that shows up at a little bit of an argument made for I see so many people and I spoke to you before. I've come to them. You know, there's a couple of people who I really care about and I've seen them gamble and I've seen the way divide and and I'm like, Come on, you fucking baton me. Come on now, listen, I'll, I'll try to help them and try to guide them even, you know, look, I'll go with you to go and do this and go and do that. But you know, the one thing as well, you know your story can help so many people because, you know, obviously I know the amounts that you are you spending on whatever. But even on a small scale gambling as a people meet and I think just feel like that in a whole and we can't get out of it and the chasing the fail and then the next thing you know like you saying they're able to get the that that management letters, the phone calls and all that and it gives people anxiety and anxiety and then people like you say in the phone the phone's ringing, you know, the phone's not random. Yeah. No one I mean, and I just think even with your meetings, like you're, you're saying to people, you go in and you talk to people in workplaces, but this is a you know, it's a major thing that goes on where they buy drugs. It's like alcohol. You know, gambling is a massive, massive thing. And, you know, all over the world and sometimes expires loss of control. And they just shut that down to people's funerals. Yeah. Because before there was no other way. And it kills me that they ask me to say that it you know, and it is we say we hear that, you know what I mean? And I'm thinking, Oh God, how large? And I mean, it's like these like you say, it's so easy accessible with mobiles, you know, and stuff like that. So now it's it's just it's just ridiculous. And back then there was no one, There was like, yeah, it was all on computers for me. You over to the bookies like you said you would. Exactly. You would you're, you're in the zone as a phone service and over that phone, just like you just told. No, I couldn't. They're the kids. I, you know, I was like, Yeah, yeah. You know, and even only probably 1112 on the PlayStation or whatever, quality time or just throw yourself a pot noodle or, or whatever it was to put this stuff in the fridge. They just take it out the fridge because I wasn't, I wasn't, I didn't want to, I didn't want to have any kind the many kinds of communication with anyone. You were just in the zone. Yeah, it was just it was disruptive, you know? I say it's sad. It's sad when you're addicted to something or, you know, like I say, I think I think it's old. The thing is, I'm a I'm a compulsive of things I do. So I collect memorabilia. I'm compulsive at that. I'm compulsive. It like I'm inside the house or whatever, and I want to size it out. So for me, it's the same. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But not I'm compulsive it everything to do whether I'll be going to watch Liverpool with rapping going and all of these, whether that be collecting memorabilia or you know, I've got a compulsive personality egomania just there's an imbalance there and when something goes it's there without without you know and I knew that going into Gamblers Anonymous, I was a bit I was a bit mad like Joe. I mean, you know, with regards to like a compulsive addiction or something. But, you know, going to Gamblers Anonymous, help me with it and I'll deal with that. You'll be down for ten years. You, me, life. It's the only way that I got to know will not put me in in good stead for the future. Yeah. I mean, you know, because it was great going forwards and I'm like, give me things to. I always think about how we think about this in healthy planning. Always, always think about things. Sometimes I say the serenity prayer to myself, to I mean, just to sit in the car or whatever, just because I want to be. They change my life. I did. And I want a good group of friends around you, you know, is fantastic potential. People don't have that. So so people do friends or people on their own or on the job, you know, that's why she gambles. And all of us, it's brilliant because there's all the people that I've got. Nobody. There's no friends, there's no family because they've only got gambles acoustically. One of the sides with people outside most often who gamble, you have to protect to the one who got them and to solidarity. And you know, Damon doesn't speak to me anymore because he's he's is solitary wants to he wants to stay away from gambling. So I've left the fellowship. So he doesn't want to he doesn't want to compete, wouldn't want to deal with me anymore. I mean, even though he was like a brother to me, I was we spoke every day. It's it's when I said to him, you know, if you sponsor me and you know when I'm going, that's still to this day. If you know to still to this day, he doesn't even speak. Doesn't even doesn't even speak to me. I remember ringing and what you've got to be got a company and I remembering him say, can you come out and do do this for us. No, no, no one said no. This not even talking quietly to me, you know, not not to me, but me. You know, as I said to, it's gambling is such such a big thing in this country now that people are taking their own lives. Yeah, people are in debt. And since they get out of debt and I want to. You want to talk about the debt thing? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because there's a fantastic charity called Stepchange that saved my life, mate, because you've got to speak about Stepchange after stuff. That's one of my questions. You know, I wanted to speak to you about Stepchange in this case, so honestly, this just companies don't want to take your money and they'll they'll, they'll say they'll put you on that management plan and yeah, yeah. It's not because because what was happening to me, that stuff changed. So how much do you. Oh well, there's every, you know, there's me overdrafts, there's me mortgaged mortgages. Never missed it in the years, by the way. Yeah, yeah. The payments in his life And then there's bloody oh and all my my own credit card debt still mean there's worry out. And I said okay. So after he got involved, honest to God no. Not one more phone call, not one more letter. Just dealing with them each, each, each time they dealt with business. So you've got to deal from a dumb and honest because otherwise you've got it. Yeah, you can't. You've got to be thin, you know, and, and I don't believe that management firm for a year at the Lady Fox £88,127 and they'd say, Bring me up and you go you always this when you sat in the next week for this £1,020 or something, 84 people will write the debt off. It's like what shows you IOUs out. But you write that that's off, you know, like seven gallons. Yeah, yeah, yeah, sure. Yeah. Sounds so what sign Get that money, Joe. I mean a off of I've made sure to say, look, this is what it is like. Well you know a borrower will offer want to me friends like you've got a lot of money. I said look, pay you back in two days later pay them back and stuff to pay that off. And then that's what would happen. And then seven years of been on that, that management plan, having it paid off within the seven years. That's how long it takes. So yeah, but don't forget you can't you can't, you can't, you can't get I mean that's, that's, that's like, that's like another five years away of even community that way you only want, you won't get anything because your credit will be on the floor. You be in that management plan book to just do the night sleep. So I can't even tell you of last. I mean, no one would ever, ever contact you that. No, none of them will ever contact Heligan. It'll all be they've they've got to contact anyone by law. They've got to contact us to maintain a legal for them to go back and still get belong to jobs on the corner. He can't go. I always felt around the corner 50 grams and he's got it. You know, obviously it's it's got to be proper legal and stuff like that. Like, you know, but not nothing. The night sleep I thought night after having nothing to hold the phone calls of course it's I know it was a phone call with it and you put it on somebody, if you don't mind me asking, it was Martin Lewis. He was on the telly. Yeah. You know, he said that like people were saying about the data that and that's and he said this, this charity called Stepchange and they didn't charge any fees, they don't charge it to the charity life. And it's wrong. It's kind of, I think it's run by the the banks pay money to to to it's empty, you know, otherwise they wouldn't do anything. I mean slave they they subsidize it and some they invest so yeah yeah every bank two's like you know so it changed my life so it changed my life and you know, and you know, I've, I've been I've been six years, nine months and three days toiling away, far away, away from it. But only a couple of weeks ago do it seen this. So my score on Experian went to nine, nine, nine, which is the highest you can possibly get. Now, when I was gambling, I said to myself, I'm going to I'm going to get that score. I'm going to get that's a9991 by because he said, that's the best score you can have enough. I said, I'm going to get that score to nine, nine, nine. So so in my own little, little challenge to get to that. But I wasn't thinking about it every day or every year or even, you know, every couple of years. Would you today at the chat room, not to the week got to check me because the score on all Experian come up like a child who's 999 on social media And I said like you know 69 use an achievement in itself because of where you are of course makes you know it was it was the but it was like a fine I'd like it was like a final achievements to mean for me because that's what I've always wanted. But I didn't really think about it every day. It was never the thing. It was because you knew you were going to get there when you when you were when it come open. For some people, I may not mean for one particular. This might mean that's ridiculous. That was the best thing I felt. Sometimes it was like because I just mean like I've I've not been hit by a phone on a par with this. You've shown this now, like some people. Now, what is this? You know, no matter how hard it gets And what I felt you say in reaching out to like to stepchange stuff like that. And you know, you said the school might be chastened on whatever going on and stuff on it and stuff that, you know, it's hard, you know, like you say, people and less than phone calls I want to speak to know why don't you just feel. Yeah, my life's a mess. Yeah, yeah. I'll make enough phone calls, a step change, a phone call the phone call, change my life, make it really dead. The phone call comes in Anonymous. Just change me life because you go in it and every weekend and they say telling your story, but also giving the information to people who've got new dads and you don't know what to do. And given that information, I've just been to step change and change my life and look what it don't get old. You can do that for you and you can't because you can always if you saved going to a company, you going to charge? Yes, it's on. It's going to debt, money to quality a little bit on it. Yeah. This is a charity that I don't charge it. I mean it's it's all done by the banks that the they want a bit of money back to what they know they're going to wait ten years to get that money back if that's how much you'd also designed this and come back with offers for you to pay off. Yeah your main body mates giving stepchange is one thing that help me sleep ridiculously ridiculously well like in them. You know I'd be in combos Anonymous. I mean, every year you have like a payday. So every year, one year you have an awards ceremony kind of thing. So your friends call your family compared. And one thing, one thing that I'm so grateful for after saying that to my mum is that for a number of years that my mum comes to me to meet me awards and I sit with my friends and with my brother with me does honey him see me go could own me, you know, and you have like a little party and stuff that like sandwiches and stuff like that. Like I remember, I remember. It must have been, must have been a so it must have been 2010. 11. I mean, Mom is there. Honey, I remember she had a white cardigan on. I remember I remember going over to it and saying, Mom, I'm so sorry for everything you put me through. I put you through. And she said, soon, you've never put me through anything. And I'm never, ever I'll never, ever forget. Forget them Where it's like, you mean because like when you lose your mum, like, I mean more money to actually started to I just 60 want me dad died to 6066 me that was to me you know when you're young you know I'm I'm 13 years of my 14 years of 61 so myself join them in and it's like you know and just to be able to have that that that and see me growing as a person, I'm getting back where you've been to your mum out there. So obviously, Yes. How you look. You felt so proud and obviously yeah, I see it emotional and stuff like that on this. But you know, listen mate, at the end of the day to where you are and then you've got your moment, your friends are not there to be support, you know. You know, it's, it's, you know, it's going to you know, to see that there that, you know what I you know me. So it was just just coming to me. I thought like when she had little choice, you only letting me more life if she had the cards, you get on and she called it, but she just I said it to it and she didn't really Yeah. That just still don't any, you know, she's just gone. That's it. Never said that before. Yeah. Yeah. Things or whatever. It was just there. But that's always stays with me. So all I've done in my. Yeah. Yeah. To I mean because no one to say that's it and more cost you know just they want what was, what was going on about those meters at the time meet. Are you saying they're beforehand desperate means. I know and I'm not saying don't condone it I mean whatever you know let's say people call and call the mums names and whatever and whatever situation what they're between doing or, or gambling. Well it's amazing, you know, as you get older you dwell on things and you think about things and you think, Oh fuck, I've made plenty of mistakes myself. I've made what I do. That's what I don't. I mean, and you think you wish you could go back and say, but then you've got to move on with life, because if you don't meet, you've got to dwell on it makes I look crucify yourself and your fiancee self. Well, listen, look, you're not my only son. Could have saved a lot of from whatsername to come out and openly speak about something like this. This makes it's massive. Unlike accounts that are not your story will help so many people on you know just even speaking about like you say in your face like you say you get your PIN badge. I had read aloud on on one of our first episode, Keelin he said the same. He was, you know, mentally, you know, whatsername at rehab and down in London. And he said any members gotten and he said he'd never felt so none of his moment nor the badge and all I said it was the best feeling ever even all the shit he put them through. Yeah, I would. I never do it again. Like you normal and your friends. And he said, you know, his friends travel down to Luton. Yeah. To go and see him and all the miles away and you know it's, you've come out the other side, you know what I mean. You may say it's good that you can share your story and you've got good friends and you've got good family and you're a good and lovely missus and you've got a lovely life and not as well. So it's all come and give me something just. Oh, that You should be proud of yourself. My life. Life is very good. Life to my missus is just the the best wife doing, you know. And I've got to say that about the missus, but she, she, you know, I'm sad because I do remember to believe and I think you get to the heart out is is just all the time. And you know what she put up with. But she hasn't seen that, Rob told me. And so she she said said that to me often. Like you mean she's. No, she can't relate to that to me because she wasn't an offer of. Oh, you've obviously sold all of this. You know. I don't know. Not yet. You know, it's amazing to for you Mrs. to to support yet and know and and listen to some people can be in relationships I say for not oh yeah and also not unlearn what's not known as best have not been important you've obviously opened up similar gets old and you know she and she's that that starts with that she sort by if she could to just when she was knocked out Yeah I'm not even know a lot like she doesn't want any you know any attention anymore coming to me to like to How did you feel what well became Daphne Oh amazing. But I was that feeling all it was. It was just me. So I don't know anything. Anything that actually, you know, I have a cash back, the card that I put it on because I get cash back at the end of the month to mean means to have a cash back in the cards. And that's the only I think there's a now now pay off at the end of the month because they've got the money they had to pay be able to do it. But if it cost me money, that's the only that's going to be what makes I can't even tell you. I was so proud of myself, Jolene. You know that I don't know anyone. I don't even have a car loan or. Yeah, or anything. I have a mortgage. That's the only. That's Daddy have like, told me. And, you know, it's. I'm so proud of myself to forget not to that way because of just having the years of being on that management plan, not being able to get a card, not being able to. I remember I remember we going away with live a political final and and they needed a they couldn't have a debit card. So they had the costumes. And so, yeah, you need that. You need something I think I know because I was driving and I think you have to have a credit card in your own name, but another credit card. So because it didn't have any. Yeah. To me. So I said and I was driving down, she wasn't allowed to, to drive and swap because I have to put his credit card in and say and then we got to now I don't know the driving on, which was me, but he had to you have to be the guarantor all kinds of thing with his credit cards but I did not want to give you know so it's it's you know it's going from not to go I ever want ever want to get to be mortgage on or know the house or or get a car. No there's never a problem like and yeah I never thought that that day would never come to me because when you did that and you then if let us no way out so you feel like you're in in a hole. In a hole and you just you're not potential most trouble filling it back on. Yeah yeah, yeah. You know it's, it's a and there's no way how to put that step. Change is a fantastic, fantastic life changing place to me. And, and you know, at least this is decision for anyone who's got gambling problems or drug problems or this is for anyone who's in debt. And, Tony, it's it's a hard life's out at the minute. It's Amy's is I've been struggling. I mean, you know, so it's a hard it's a hard place to be. Mason You know, I can help anyone. It's not just people who gambling addictions. It's anyone still in that job. You know, It'll change your life. Not having been off the phone going in, You taking the plug up the phone or you forgot your phone? Silence. Yeah. So my phone is always on. Silence. I like. Yeah, why don't we, mate? Said to me, You cheating on your wife too? Why? Because every time a and yet you never answer the phone. Yeah, that's always on silence. But why is it on silence? And it sounds like the same thing. That's all. It's ingrained on me photography. Not long. You know, when I was. When I was, you know, have a neck phone thing going on all the time, I seem to be Mrs.. I said, Well, did you have a phone call and got all those customers that try to get it. Yeah. What is going on. You know, to me I simply am. I want to speak about, obviously your wife's case. You're like Mark's. I know what you mean. The way I see it. And yeah, it's good to see that you your life around. All it does is. I mean, Maximus isn't Marxism. It hasn't seen the things. You're me. And, you know, we're very lucky in the fact that he hasn't. And Julie, I'm so glad Joe may not He hasn't seen. You know what it was like Joey when I was gambling and stuff and. And the not nice pass in the walls. Johnny. Listen, everyone everyone can be there their wouldn't I don't care what somebody. Yeah, but what have you everyone's got everyone can be that type of passion Bo But Casey's Casey's just like she's beautiful as well like, you know, she, she stolen and she does a lot for our families. You know, she she's an amazing coach, Joanne. You know, she's she's she's got an amazing job, Joe Main, you know, And she looks after those and I love her so much. Mazer can't even sell yet. But every time we hope, I think for now he's actually with me like, I can't, I can't cut it. Like in a mac is just an easy love. And now and he's just it's just a typical like, you know 11 you don't go and 16 year old things he's always that before I was he was co down because he was like because Kate told me I say he's not going on the PlayStation she has a bit of a carbon jewelry so but yeah it's just he's fantastic Macy's issue one of the issues your lovely lovely love Joey. I'm so proud to be part many family life to me and I'm I'm so proud of both of them and being there and all my friends as well. I'm lucky as I said, the start that I've got a very close friend while I was going and soldier friends and stuff like that and know you. Obviously you've got some really good mates and Kevin Armstrong's good mates. Here he is, Macy's, you know, we're going to come this on on Thursday. We live with them. John Aldridge and Gillespie and Onyeama. We'll be putting on events in Canada. Yeah, you know, he's come with me and then we'll go to our later. There was Sonia McCully is with Buddy Vincent Van going to L.A. on on Monday. Yeah. Big, big bullet like so we were going to do a signing, a private signing with him like and these ICBMs everywhere we built. I must even say enough love. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Do you ever think you before going to Canada. No do and all it's going to do inside and all that. But I obviously the of your life because my Oh yeah, yeah yeah, yeah, yeah. No no stuff get would put place from over the years or a pleasant place now and do you ever think you'd ever ever be doing. No no I never thought it I never thought life like I said so life life's just full come full circle for me. It's, you know, it's, it's, it suits me really well. I have a good job as well. Join me, in a way, for a company called Kind of the Life Down in Potters Bar and the Fantastic. I'm. I just spoke to the CEO about giving a gambling talk to our employees. But I think it's important to me, you know, that that was only last week you know, before I new was coming to me it's about doing it again about gambling, because I know that some of our colleagues who probably will be struggling. Yeah. I mean so so he got me. So I'm in a medical place, a really good place like and it's not a lady that can get me knock you you know nothing about. But what, what it not only do they, they said to me in Chula, Jewel of Liverpool, most of me, you know, my missus, that means you love it more than. No, no, no, no, no, no. Yeah, it. That's what you actually said that to me. Like your I mean, you know, Liverpool want me to pay me more. I'm like pulling increases at all. Yeah. So it's. It's second nature for Alison. Come with me. I'm sure a lot of the songs and stuff you say, like where you where you are at lot and then you've got play plays and you, Mrs. Paul, because I miss is like that. And you know, to maybe just want to chill or whatever, then you've got all kinds of insane sounds going on, which is great. And you know, it, it makes, it does, it gives you a nice lifestyle in the kitchen. Last year, silence photo with your sister's there and the one of the most I got off you from what I mean. Both. It's just brilliant to see you, Robin, the way you've turned your life around. And, you know, I've only known you a couple of years, you know, through, like, the memorabilia stuff. And now we have a bit of bands that have afield and stuff like that. And I'm going to in your story a forward I spoke to Chris on the podcast on I said, but I've got a gentleman who's a compulsive gambler, so I'll be a bit of a because gambling is such a big thing about we spoke about with Harley and, and that's what I wants to. John you know what you're saying about go and flexibility. You know your company that you work for even going into colleges. Oh yeah. I mean I mean skills even though no one no kids now you know got these devices you think, you know, I don't know kids, you know, as young as whatever you can fucking gamble all the contents of what accounts or whatever. But even going somewhere, places, I think, you know, it goes on in a weird place. I spoke to you before. Yeah. Yeah. And it, it just it's just so it they, and I think it helps so many people also made productivity in it because like, you know, you've got an employee who is just constantly on his phone or whatever at the desk and you know, he's trying to work and then it's 18 West reported for duty yesterday. Yeah. Oh shit. I spent all morning. Poor morning. Pull my uniform. We have to be a you fool and gamble. Yeah, Yeah. No, you know what I mean here. And you think, why hasn't it been done or why has not been done? And, you know, I think I'm doing it in the way I like it is to things like, you know, let me help, you know, with that. That's for me. That's, that's well, but, you know, it's I think it's important that the companies of employees and say look this these these how things that if people are still going and even if it's five employees, one employee, ten employees, 21 person. Yeah of course. Yeah. You know, to make sure that people watching this can like see and they can go make some, you know, if, if one person, one person reaches out, you know, a new company and I'm speaking about it, you know, that's what want we want people so you know, people do struggles. You know, I mean, if anyone wants to obviously, you know, not like, say, you know, businesses or whatever or someone struggle and, you know, some guidance which of course, you know, you know, of course, if you go to your culture yourself or whatever comments and stuff, you know, when it goes open, you know, you know, a lot of people that you profile well, don't you deal wasn't only because in the description you don't think that message in I'll optimism yes it's unlike John I mean I just think it'd be a big deal yeah. Rob what advice would you give to anyone? It was sort of a gamble. One, I'd say be honest, because I was, as I said, as it was Secret affair. So it wasn't. No one knew. Be honest. Tell your wife, your girlfriend, your boyfriend, whatever it is that you've got a problem. Your mum, your dad, friends. I'm single. I'll put. The biggest thing for me is you've got to admit it to yourself. I've got a problem. Yeah, Yeah, I've. I don't know what to do. I You. But the biggest thing for me is get to a Gamblers Anonymous meeting. You'll be welcomed them with open arms wherever it is. Get out. You're just, you know. You know, no one's going to worry about that. No one's going to. No one's going to judge you. You tell the truth. You go in, you tell the truth, you tell it, you just tell them. And the weight are lifted off your mind of not being know. I have to stop where you are. He's going in and you, you know, telling lies. You're not telling lies. Where you been? What you done, what time you got in? You just going to say, I didn't. I didn't. I didn't go to bed tonight. So four in the morning, I was up at seven the altar where I'm Jamie blames it on on the on the blue light or on the all on online or on the fixed odds or whatever it is. And you be honest and it's probably the only place you probably can be as honest as you can open. Yeah. And no one's ever going to tell anyone. It's compulsive. It stays. Is Gamblers Anonymous. No one's going to. I've seen so many Gamblers Anonymous have gone to meetings with and seen them out. I don't go out. You still go to the mean. You still going to the quiz? It's not It's Gamblers Anonymous You don't to that person there was to copy his boss he doesn't always a gambler so I never ever I never I see I've seen so many at the match you're you know out and about in town and stuff and I have to have a say And you've never disclosed that. Yes. Yeah. Because it's you know and you know, when I was in Gamblers Anonymous, I wasn't so, like being on social media because didn't want people to think I was going to a meeting in this way. I mean, the emails or whatever, because what it means is Liverpool and every in the north west, the north west, halfway between countries all over the country, you know, whenever, whenever anyone's watching this round. So there's countries of countries gamble. I went, I got money the second, the first time I've got money I am I went to Hawaii, Hawaii for my honeymoon and I went to a Gamblers Anonymous meeting in Hawaii. On my honeymoon, I've got a taxi to the Gamblers Anonymous meeting on my honeymoon? Yeah, honest to God. You know, that was the wife before Caitlyn. Yeah, I did. I once they were Gamblers Anonymous. I mean, you know, in fucking Hawaii, and you can't even gamble in Hawaii, by the way, it's. It's. You don't. There's no there's no way a gambling. Well, there's a Gamblers Anonymous meeting in Hawaii to sort it out to me. But the best thing meters you tell people is to tell people the truth. You know, when you be honest with people, and then you if you're in death, step change is the change is the way it is the way. Because you just like sleep. You just sleep. You just don't know what do you It's like you said. So it's like a a and I feel a little bit bigger because it's that weight that's been holding you down has gone to of people book on a well meaning and you know one to well because you didn't you didn't that's and stuff you know your friends your family whatever and they'll be people go in probably haven't got friends they haven't got family have got no one it's just me split with my wife or mum and dad's a part me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, fell out with him because he old and granddaddy of them pay them back. You know, it's, you've got to do for you so you've got to go, you've got to be, you've got to admit, of course you got to admit there's a problem. And that's, that's what Gamblers Anonymous will allow you to just buy talk. But you won't even have to say, I've got a problem to I mean, just say, you know, I'm going to talk about gambling and eventually you'll say, My name's Robin. I'm a compulsive gambler because I'll be a compulsive gambler for the rest of my life, too. I mean, because even though I'm not gamble for so long, it's in me that don't want to ever go back to that darkness to you as a frightened to me, a frightened call in case a slug or colon. You want to love that. I've said that in my mind, that that might be a trigger for something for me to much myself self don't want to think it. I don't I don't want to go back to the only I don't want to go back to them dark days of me being a horrible person like John Maitland. And that's the best advice I can give. Get to a meeting and people go, I didn't think it was for me. I think you've got to give it time. Yeah, because it's the same. When I saw you start over, I think of I went to it. I mean, it's not for me that shit. Shit. I mean, not to touch, but that's the little fellow on your side going in and saying you don't need that. You don't need this. Why you here? This is no old man. These are you here. But you know, it's. It's. It does that for me, mate. It was. It was the best thing you've ever, ever I've ever done. And it's changed my life. I can't even see, you know. So always say I feel so much like, you know, just the gambling doing on my own. But speaking to people when I've been low, when I've I've enough friendship it I'll do it on my own for the last six years. Do you mean perhaps ten years in Gamblers Anonymous? Yeah, ten years. Ten and a half years. I was there and people say, Oh, but you left. So yeah, probably near ten an off years and built me up to where I'm now a complete It feels to be able to deal with stuff that comes my way and you know like life can't knock you down like my parents will pass away. Friends want to be part of me, want to be best friends towards since childhood he died a 48. His funeral was a couple of days ago. He died of a heart attack. Didn't have any. It didn't have any. But I don't I don't want I don't want to. I mean, if I was gambling so I'd be that of the killed myself or and about the heart attack because the pressure that you put yourself on was just too much like joy. That's why I did. I did sign take my own life. And it's it's shameful to say that. But there's ways out of it. So many ways. Of course, no one knew what to tell. I want Yeah. When it come out to be with you. Of course. You know, I didn't tell anyone, so it was a complete shock to everyone. To me, you know? So. Yeah, mate, it's just. It gets better. You open your mouth. I promise. Your life gets better. And I, you know, people and people need to hear that. Yeah. Because people think by so often, in a way, they'll say, no, it's going to get worse. Yes. I always, as they say, it's like I used to receive like a punch in the belly. Johnny Traumatic. Oh, yeah, Yeah. That just goes every day. And you go, Oh my God. And I know. Yeah, you know what? But it's just been a punch. I know if you don't chalking it on or putting, you know, and you're honest, you know, when you become honest, hope it changes life as well to me because you don't have to tell lies anymore. Yeah. I mean, I was. Yeah, I've been a gambler or whatever, but I've got a problem with drugs or alcohol or whatever it is. You go to meetings and you speak to people, like minded people who are going through the same shit as you. Always, Jermaine, always, you know, going over to empty flat with nothing. No friends? No, not in the committed Gamblers Anonymous because they need to because they don't want to go back to the. Yeah, yeah. You know, we're trying to stay in the life around. Yeah of course. Yeah, of course. And make themselves better. I promise. Yeah. If you go to a Gamblers Anonymous meeting and you in debt and you need stepchange, it's going to change your life. And I go far as eight stands for amnesty. An appeal to so many. Yeah. Yeah. To what? I mean, you know, so many people told me. I mean, if anyone needs to speak to me or whatever, we want details into the, into the description as well. Listen up. I just want to say thank you so much for coming on. I'm going to share the good, the bad and the ugly mate. Very proud of, you know, you know, comment on and share that and look at satellite families. Thanks very much. I want to see what she likes for me to like you. This week's episode is sponsored by SoBe Events Ltd.. They provide soul, football, bottled psychology. You vote for Sports Day's events, please. Molson causes pops many, many more of these comments. The idea of the sports season presentations, birthday parties. It's not going to have parties, corporate events, skill parties, summer camps, any occasions. Give them a bottle and use the code. The go to podcast, the 10% subcutaneous spoken word will allow with Sony Mobile.