Navigating the Path to Your Daughter's Heart

Join us on a journey of transformation as Pastor Ed Tandy-McGlasson and Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield unravel the complexities of father-daughter dynamics. Discover how seemingly minor shifts in your parenting approach can create monumental changes in your connection with your daughter. Dr. Canfield, a seasoned expert in fathering, brings her toolbox of strategies and insights that are invaluable not just for your relationship with your daughter but equally resonate with all the women in your life. We'll reveal the powerful two-word tool that might just revolutionize the way you communicate with your daughter, steering away from conflict and cruising towards deeper understanding and bonding.

Throughout this heartfelt episode, we tackle the essence of communication, emphasizing the art of questioning with genuine curiosity and the skill of active listening. These are the threads that weave the fabric of strong father-daughter relationships. I share anecdotes and biblical wisdom that shine a light on the simple, yet profound, ways you can become the hero your daughter needs. You'll learn why your role as a father is crucial in shaping her self-esteem and future relationships, and it's not all serious talk – learn how laughter and shared moments can fortify your bond. Furthermore, we discuss delicate issues like forgiveness in strained relationships and navigating sensitive conversations with grace and understanding.

Wrap up your day with an episode that's not just another discussion but a catalyst for change. We're not only sharing knowledge and personal stories but also providing a guide packed with actionable steps to lead your daughters towards love and self-confidence. There's a spiritual element too, as we seek divine guidance to empower fathers with purpose and strength. You're invited to find solace and direction in our closing prayer, and we encourage you to delve into the resources offered, all designed to support you in becoming the father your daughter deserves.

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

So today is about me giving you some insider Venusian trade secrets so you can do it right. I mean, how's that for a win? I mean how's that for in your language a touchdown, because sometimes, if you course correct just slightly, it makes a really big difference. In fact, you know what I'm going to give you this one for free. This wasn't even what I was going to plan on saying. Here is the number one tool to go in your fathering toolbox that men that I've led or I've spoken at men's conferences say I love that one, dr Michelle, because it works every time. You know why else you're going to love it. It's a two-word statement that'll be a game changer for how you respond to your daughter.

Speaker 2: 0:42

Welcome to the Father Difference Podcast, where we help men learn how to be the father they were meant to be so that their children can live the life that God has made them for. Each week, you'll find new podcasts and interviews with men who want to make the biggest difference they can. Your host, Pastor Ed Tandy-McGlasson, has been teaching and equipping men in events and conferences for the last 41 years in 14 different countries, and now here's Ed.

Speaker 3: 1:15

Well, welcome. I'm Ed Tandy-McGlasson. I'm your host today with an amazing gift, and my job in the National Football League was to raise my hand and go huddle up. And so today we are huddling around one of God's famous women quarterbacks. You probably never thought you'd say that A gal who's got a handle on the secrets to teach us guys on how to reach the heart of our daughter, how to love the girls in our life better, and I'm going to tell you why. You're going to want to tune in for all of this. Take notes she's got a download and all the links to her books website and everything else. So would you welcome with me Dr Michelle Watson Canfield.

Speaker 3: 2:07

Right, it's so long my name's not Newly married, now got three names, so she's officially royalty. So, anyway, welcome to our. We can't wait, so take it away, I'm going gonna give you the guys and sit here and and be a part of this with you oh, I'm excited to be here.

Speaker 1: 2:30

I, you just told me, and I'm the only female joining you. So, my goodness, I love huddling up with men, so thanks for the opportunity, and can you tell that all my glasses are fogging here? I just moved to arkansas. We got here from Oregon to Arkansas, got married during COVID at the age of 60. For the first time happened to marry a guy who founded the National Center for Fathering, wrote the forward to my first father-daughter book in 14. And he's a widower and so I inherited a tribe of 24. Half of them are here, so it's a whole new world world. So here I am, sweating away on a hot day here in Arkansas well, well, well, so great for you to be here.

Speaker 3: 3:11

So I'm just gonna I'm gonna give you the floor. And there's every guy out there, me included. We're one to know. Every guy wants to have a happy wife, a happy daughter and ultimately wants the girls in his story to really honor and respect him. But he doesn't know how to cross that bridge, that you know, that bridge that's over that estrogen river that you gals live in, that has the monsters that are below the surface. We throw our floaties on, we jump in and we get pulled down because we're not emotionally equipped.

Speaker 3: 3:53

And we need quarterbacks like you to give us the plays to be, able to really reach the heart of our daughter, which, by the way, we can use to reach the heart of our wife too. So go for it. Who is a daughter right Every way we can use to reach the heart of our wife too, so go for it.

Speaker 1: 4:06

Who is a daughter? Right, every woman, you know, is a daughter. So, though, I'm going to be specifically talking about father-daughter relationships. Every woman in your life, whether you work with her or married to her, were married to her. You're raising her, you're influencing her. Every woman's a daughter, and so, with with that said, I have been traveling from my planet of Venus to your planet of Mars for the last 12 years, which simply means that I speak Venusian and you speak Martian, and I'm bilingual now because I've been coaching groups of dads for the last 12 years.

Speaker 1: 4:39

So what we do, god gave me this download out of out of Luke, one that I was to help turn the hearts not the heads of fathers to their daughters, and I was like, well, that's a crazy assignment. You ever get that? Just kind of something comes to your mind, your spirit, and so I've been often running. It was one of those immediate obedience things where I asked 11 dads whose daughters at the time were my counseling clients. So now, currently, I've been in private practice as a counselor licensed professional counselor for 27 years, which simply means I'm old. Come on, let's be honest. But really, the truth is, I've been in the trenches with women since I was 19. I've been either mentoring or counseling a lot of young women, teenagers.

Speaker 1: 5:21

So back to my story about the group. So I invited 11 dads whose daughters were in their teens or their twenties to join me once a month for six months to see if there would be a change. I said in you, your daughter or your relationship, and Ed, do you know what 10 of the 11 men said were in? And I've had people say men, do not add more to an already full plate. But you men know that, like like Ed just said, you're floating in Estrian river A lot of the times with with the floaties aren't holding up and you got your bite marks and you're going.

Speaker 1: 5:52

I'm really lost. So here's my observation Number one about men tell me if you agree or disagree. And that is that men would often rather do nothing than do it wrong, true or false. You know you guys are smart enough to go. You know what I'm making it worse. I'm a back off Mom. You go in, you're a girl. I'm going to come back to that why the research doesn't support that line of thought. But let me say my second observation, or actually more of a statement from my heart to yours, is that doing nothing is doing it wrong.

Speaker 1: 6:27

Yeah, come on and at the end of the day, because I've been leading groups of men, we now meet nine months every year, like nine months at a time, 13 guys in me, and it has been honestly, one of the joys of my life. I will do this till my dying breath, and I watch men build competence and confidence, and those go hand in hand. So, as a woman, I'm helping them decode their daughters, which is what I want to do today with you and teach you some secrets from my planet that are going to help you hit it out of the ballpark as a dad.

Speaker 3: 6:59

That sound good. Touchdown yes.

Speaker 1: 7:04

Some of you that love research. I I said I'd come back to that in a minute about why you matter, because I don't believe you as men hear from enough women especially how important you are, how much you matter, what a difference you make, and so I want to tell you what the research says. So, dad, quote, write this down go to the women in your life. Do you know how important I am? Here's what the research says. Your daughter feels connected to you. Okay, is that a heart word or a head word? It's heart, right. Feels connected to you. She will. This is just some of the things that will happen. She's more likely to finish high school and attend college, get better grades. She will have less anxiety and depression, greater self-esteem, less body dissatisfaction and healthier weight. She's more likely to hold steady employment weight. She's more likely to hold steady employment. Less suicide attempts. She will delay her sexual debut. Do I hear an amen for?

Speaker 3: 8:13

that one Come on bring that right.

Speaker 1: 8:15

Yeah, that's enough right there for the whole thing. And one more thing I'll add that I think is really beautiful is that she will have more pro social empathy by a connection to you. Where do you hear that? Almost nowhere. So, dad, if you even shut this conversation off now between Ed and I and you and me, that's enough to take home and run with it going.

Speaker 1: 8:39

I matter to my daughter, even if she doesn't know it and maybe she's in a stage of her life or she's caught between divorce with loyalty issues, and say, dad, I hate you, dad, I don't care what you think, dad, I'm going to do the opposite of what you're telling me. Stay the course. I mean again, there's so many football analogies, aren't there, that you don't quit in the middle of the game. Have you ever in your entire life watched a game where halfway through, at halftime, the opposing team stopped and didn't even come out on the field? What's the answer to that? Never, sports. You got to do that as a dad, which is way more important, right in the big scheme of things, because you're leaving a legacy. So what?

Speaker 2: 9:23

do you? You think.

Speaker 1: 9:24

Ed, am I talking too fast Am?

Speaker 3: 9:25

I talking too much. Come on, I'm drinking it in. I'm drinking it in Okay, awesome.

Speaker 1: 9:31

Well, dad, here's the thing. Okay, back to men. Would rather do nothing than do it wrong. But doing nothing is doing it wrong, and I know you want to do it right. So today is about me giving you some insider Venusian trade secrets so you can do it right. I mean, how's that for a win? I mean how's that for in your language a touchdown, because sometimes, if you course correct just slightly, it makes a really big difference. In fact, you know what I'm going to give you? This one for free. This wasn't even what I was going to plan on saying. Here is the number one tool to go in your fathering toolbox that men that I've led or I've spoken at men's conferences say I love that one, dr Michelle, because it works every time. You know why else you're going to love it. It's a two word statement that'll be a game changer for how you respond to your daughter. Two words Are you kidding me? I'm your new best friend, right? Two words make a huge difference. I'm wondering. So, at the end of the day, when your daughter is saying so many words, flooding you, going over your head and you're a deer in headlights going, I have no idea what I'm supposed to do with that? Just ask a question by saying the two words in front of it. I'm wondering.

Speaker 1: 10:45

Let me tell you about Andy. He was a fire chief. Four sons. Youngest is a daughter, megan. Megan literally turned his hair gray. Everything he'd done with his sons did not work with her. He couldn't connect with her. It was like this. So it's her senior year of high school. She's skipping school all the time and he tells us this story in the group because he had no idea how to connect with her heart. Right, he knew how to set rules, set boundaries, limits, that kind of thing, but not a heart connection. So he goes what do you got, doc? I said I'm wondering because he said I say to her why didn't you go to school today? She either claws me or the wall goes up. Do you guys know what?

Speaker 2: 11:26

I'm talking about.

Speaker 1: 11:28

Oh, you know what I'm talking about. Every man that's had a relationship with a woman knows what it's like when she bites you or the wall goes up and we stonewall you, right. So he goes home and I just said put, I'm wondering. In front of it, same exact words. He goes hey, hey, megan, I'm wondering why didn't you go to school today? And she goes oh, we had an early release and we, and he's like what just happened there? I know it was a difference in his tone and so oftentimes he was men.

Speaker 1: 11:57

You think this is how I talk to my sons, this is how she talks to me. I should be able to blast back and then she's a puddle or, like I said, claws or wall. But really, at the end of the day, dad, we're little softies on the inside. So are you, but that's another secret for another day. But really, if you can put the two words I'm wondering, in front of questions, you ask her, you will watch her respond because she hears it as an inquiry, not as an attack, like you're blasting her with wanting to know, information or course correct her, but you really want to know.

Speaker 3: 12:34

So what do you think, ed? Is that practical enough? Wow, that's powerful. Powerful, because when you're not trying to parent your daughter, when you're not trying to parent your daughter, it's like when we ask those questions that are investigative, they get into this child-parent conflict. And Jesus was the master of this because he would always ask questions.

Speaker 1: 13:01

That's a couple hundred of them. Yeah, in Scripture.

Speaker 3: 13:04

Yeah, I'm wondering, right, or who do you say that I am? You know he's not dictating, he's saying what God's doing and, when you're able to, that kind of opens their heart, like my dad wants to hear from me Exactly exactly, in fact springboarding off of what you said.

Speaker 1: 13:25

I love one of the stories in the Old Testament. You know Caleb and Joshua, conquerors, right there they're the two scouts saying let's, you know, not look at the giants, but look at God's promise. Who doesn't want to be like Caleb, right? A-c-h-s-a-h kind of a unique spelling. So here's this conqueror dad. His daughter is married. At this point he says six words best question ever for a dad to ask a daughter, right there in the heart of scripture. He just says to her what can I do for you? He asked her that. So see, this whole idea of Jesus asking questions is rooted in great dads, even in the Old Testament. Like Caleb, you want to be better dads to daughters, but I think we don't know what we don't know.

Speaker 1: 14:32

So I write dad, daughter Friday blogs. In fact, I just did one this week on how a dad can help calm his daughter's anxiety. I mean, I talk about research but I'm always giving practical action steps. Here's what you can say. And, dad, at the end of the day, if you ask your daughter a question that I say here, ask her this question, and she goes dad, that's so lame. You just say, I know, michelle gave it to me, roll me under the bus, and then you're still the hero you want to be and that your daughter needs you to be.

Speaker 1: 15:04

But it all comes down to asking good questions. Did you guys actually know? So I have a master's and a doctorate and, with all that insane amount of schooling and money, I still remember something I learned in my very first counseling class, lewis and Clark College, portland, oregon. What would that have been 1995. I still remember what Joan McElroy taught me and I'm going to give you guys an insider, another insider Venetian trade secret. You don't even have to go to school for this. Hey, you're getting grad school level stuff today. So here's what she said you are going to be a better therapist if you ask better questions and the truth is, as a dad, you will be a more effective dad to your daughter by asking good questions. And here's what I find happens to a lot of men. Is that words sound very different on on our separate planets, don't they? So imagine you pick up your daughter from school and you go hi honey, how was your day?

Speaker 1: 16:07

And she says, fine, fine, right, okay. And you go, awesome, good. And you get home and your wife goes, or whoever your wife, a woman is saying, hey, how was your day. And you go, it was fine. That is a non-answer answer on Venus. Now you, as men, think if you wanted to tell me more, you would have told me. And we're thinking, if you cared more, you would ask me more. So fine is a throwaway answer. Don't ever buy into that one. That's our non-answer answer.

Speaker 1: 16:46

So here is a secret to asking good questions. This isn't what my professor taught me. She just set the foundation of asking good questions is the best way to build relationships. But doesn't that leave us all going? But how do you do that? Do you have to go to grad school to actually learn how to do that? No, I'm giving you secrets today.

Speaker 1: 17:06

Remember this is hey, I'm here, I'm throwing the ball to you. This is going to help you literally make a touchdown, really with her heart. Is what you do, dad. How you ask good questions is do you remember in grade school ed, where we learned who, what, when, where, why, how? It? It's already in your grid, dad. You're not looking. This is nothing new. You already have it, I'm just pulling it forward. I would throw out why I think it's the least effective of all of those, and it tends to be a looping question Why'd you do that? I don't know. Why'd you do that? No answer. So why is usually the least effective? All you have to do is take the key word of her sentence or the last word of her sentence. If she goes on and on and on and on, you're like I have no idea what to ask. Just end with the last thing or key word. So say she gets in the car how was your day, honey? She says fine, fine, fine. And now you go. What about?

Speaker 1: 18:13

your day was fine there we go how did your day end up being fine? Where in your day was it the most fine? You take that key word and do a who, what, when, where, how. Then she may say, well, um, like the choir was good, you're still going. I don't have much. What's a key word in?

Speaker 3: 18:37

that statement Good. How was it good today?

Speaker 1: 18:41

But what word would you take out of that? Hey, choir was good you might want to ask her about choir.

Speaker 1: 18:47

See the key word actions. It's something she did or some person. So you could. You could say, yeah, what about choir was good today? Yeah, what happened in choir? So you sometimes, men, you're working way too hard, you're trying to come up with a whole different. Well, uh, did you talk to anyone today and you're working way too hard? Just a key word. And then who, what, when, where, how. So then she may say you know how was choir? You know that guy Austin, like that I've had a crush on for a really long time, and like he looked at me today and I was dying because everyone noticed it, and then my face turned red and the teacher said something and I was, I was so embarrassed, I wanted, and you're like, what do I say? That was so many words. Introverted daughters, wish you got that many words. Yeah, what word ed? What is a keyword in that whole rant or whole explanation?

Speaker 3: 19:37

yeah, what would you say? Well, she, she's uh talking about how somebody saw her today okay, and what's his name?

Speaker 1: 19:45

did you hear it?

Speaker 3: 19:46

no, austin, austin. So what did austin do today?

Speaker 1: 19:49

so, yeah, what did austin do? What did you feel when austin looked? Did Austin do? What did you feel when Austin looked at you? How did you, how did you feel when Austin was looking at you? See? So you take a keyword, pick anyone, you might go. I can't remember the guy's name, just like you know. Okay, I'm not going to be able to ask the guy all the way she goes. Oh, they didn't go. I was dying Cause everyone was looking at me. What was that like when everyone looked at you? You give her her exact words back and then she knows you're listening. Okay, how's that for another secret? Is that practical?

Speaker 3: 20:21

enough, because what you're doing is you're helping her tell her story, and when she gets your story out, she feels heard. Come on, come on.

Speaker 1: 20:37

And if she feels heard, her heart opens to her dad. Okay, you just set me up way too easy for for one of the points I wanted to make, and I love it. You'd almost think we'd plan this. But really, here's the thing, dad. When your daughter's mouth opens, right, she feels heard Cause she's talking. Her heart opens when her heart is open, your heart is open. Now let me do that in reverse, when she ain't talking it ain't good.

Speaker 3: 20:59

It ain't good, am I right?

Speaker 1: 21:01

when the woman stopped talking and the air gets thick, you're all like, oh no, what did I do? What do I need to do to fix it? Yeah comes back to her talking, feeling hurt as, as you said, Ed, doesn't that invite the question how can dads strengthen their skillset, fill their toolbox with more practical, action-oriented tools to help facilitate talking and listening? In fact, that's what sets up what I really wanted to share today, but I love just having a fluid conversation because I got lots of tools up my sleeve in my pocket.

Speaker 3: 21:37

It answers for us. It's just a secret question that the Lord's given me to reopen the heart of my daughters when they're like doing this. Yeah, and that is help me understand how I hurt you or help me understand what you're going through. Yes, and she goes really.

Speaker 1: 22:06

Two words. I'm wondering three words. Help me understand.

Speaker 3: 22:09

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1: 22:11

That is fantastic. Okay, so this is the segue. Then here's this book I wrote let's talk oh conversation starters for dads and daughters.

Speaker 1: 22:18

It's about a year and a half old, came out during coronavirus covet and in it are 60 themes so that a dad can ask his daughter questions to help her open up. Okay, now it's in five sections lead her to laugh, lead her to love, lead her to look, lead her to lament and lead her to listen. Okay, I'm going to tell you what those do. But here's the deal. Ken said really this should be called let's talk and listen, because really, at the end of the day, it really is about you, as a dad, listening and increasing your listening skills. So look at what Ed just did. Right there he goes. He smiled his eyes. Look at he's a. He's a facial expression guy. You don't have to wonder what Ed McGlashan is thinking. It's all here on his face.

Speaker 1: 23:09

Follow his lead, men, because sometimes you're in your head thinking and you don't realize that your face is giving a different message than where your heart is. I mean, I would say men read lines, women read between lines. So you're going how'd you get that out of that? And you're like, how did you? We're going, how'd you not get that out of that? So again, watch your face, watch his face you can tell he nodded. So, as you're asking questions and she's giving you a response, that's exactly what you want to nod. You want to put technology away, turned it on silent. Uh, give eye contact. Smile, not the creepy smile. I've girls go, that is so creepy when my dad does that. Well, not the creepy smile. But ask her do I look weird? Let her make fun of you, you know.

Speaker 1: 23:53

So anyway how about if now practical action steps. I break down those five things. And here's the good news, man, this Ed was saying earlier. I'm giving you this PDF. That is all five sections, just a brief explanation and then five questions under each one. If you don't want to buy the book, just get this.

Speaker 3: 24:13

No, no, every guy't want to buy the book. Just get this. No, no, every guy's got to buy this book. I'm just telling you you buy it if you want to have a happy wife and a happy daughter, or you're going to be singing this song ain't no sunshine when she's home. If you want to write a blues song, okay, don't buy this book okay, there you go, if you want to turn that into a worship song we love dad, we love dad and really I I love that you kind of brought this up.

Speaker 1: 24:45

Maybe you kind of implied it or meant it, but you could do this with your wife too, man, that it's well, because it's the same, it's the.

Speaker 3: 24:53

She's also a girl, right and most people think no, no, she's my wife, no, she's. She's a girl, right, she wants to be heard, being seen and we figure things out by talking on our planet.

Speaker 1: 25:09

So the more you can facilitate space for her to be able to be heard. I'm going to keep going back to what you said, because it is a vital heart need of a woman to be heard and understood. That's why I liked your question. Help me understand. So lead her to laugh. Did you guys know that neuroscientists have confirmed that shared laughter strengthens long-term relationships and social bonding? So if you have a bombed out bridge with your daughter right now, what I mean by laugh is kind of, maybe more lighthearted. Even some of them are activities to rebuild a bridge to her heart, or build one for the first time, or strengthen the one that's there.

Speaker 1: 25:51

So, for example, you might ask your daughter on a date tell me like what item of my clothing you would love to see me get rid of. I mean literally one of you Like literally for my dad. He'd go to this big box store and buy these stupid lame jeans and I'm like no more of those jeans, they're so bad. And then you do the white socks rolled up like you're aging yourself there. Buddy, you gotta listen. I got your back, dad, you know. You know I'm like, but it's if you can let your daughter make fun of your clothes and maybe you already do that, you know, there's a fun laughter piece, or?

Speaker 1: 26:28

right here's this one isn't maybe funny, but it's fun is to ask her tell me about your wedding day, what colors do you want? See it funny, but it's fun is to ask her tell me about your wedding day, what colors do you want? See, it's getting specific, it's not just wedding day in general. What colors do you want? What flowers do you want? What location have you thought of? In fact, one dad in the ABBA project that's the name of the group I lead, abba, meaning Daddy in Aramaic and Men Love a Project but one of the guys said he came to the group and told all the men next time. He said she wants to get married in a villa in France. Who do you think is paying for that? I don't want to know this, you know, but how cool is that she never told him because he never asked.

Speaker 3: 27:14

He didn't know, right, a quiet daughter a quiet daughter, you know, because the first man in every girl's story is her dad. Yes, and if you'll do these things that michelle's talking about, you're going to open her heart with you, which will help heal her man-chooser one day, and she won't choose a project, she'll choose a guy just like you.

Speaker 1: 27:43

Yeah, there you go. Who doesn't want that? I truly believe we will have a healthier country with healthier women from the ground up Right, and that all starts with dads.

Speaker 3: 27:55

It all starts with dads, you know, I don't know if you saw, this latest statistic just came out that only 18% of the children in our country went to bed last night in a home with a mom and a dad that are still together.

Speaker 1: 28:08

Wow, only 18%, is that crazy?

Speaker 3: 28:13

And it's dropped almost 40% in the last 40 years of the nuclear family with a mom and a dad. And then the hurt that girls have that come out of the trauma in their own life. But if we can learn as men and I'm representing the group today if we can learn to huddle up around our quarterback, dr Michelle, here and get this book and this material and begin doing it.

Speaker 1: 28:47

Doing it. There's the key?

Speaker 3: 28:49

Yeah it is. It's all about applying it and doing it.

Speaker 1: 28:53

Consistently. I want to put the word consistently after that Because, dad, I've had clients of mine whose dads have started. They'll do like a dad-daughter date, one month, month two, and then life gets busy. It's almost worse. Hope deferred makes the heart sick.

Speaker 1: 29:11

So dad, I would encourage you minimum find one date a month to do with your daughter, to ask questions, where she can know that's our place, that's our time. Make it happen. If you're gone, reschedule. Make that time with her a priority, because if we are going to have healthier women, we need dads who are investing. And let me talk for a minute to the dad who is divorced and is being, I would say, misrepresented, possibly by his ex-wife, his daughters.

Speaker 1: 29:43

I have so many men write me with just this weekend I mean almost weekly from men around the nation that say this is breaking my heart. They'll use those kinds of words, like this lack of connection with my daughter. I've not seen her for two years or now. She's loyal to mom and I don't know what to do about it. Let me just speak to you, dad, as a.

Speaker 1: 30:06

Again, I'm all about practical action steps. Cause who loves a hero who doesn't take action right? Well, you may feel, you know, immobilized, like you can't hey, run the play. Okay, I know that's so good, you can't even believe it. I'm sounding like I hear it all. So if you and dad are feeling sidelined, like you can't get in the game with your daughter, and you're hearing us talk about this and you're like click, I'm shutting off Cause you don't understand. I want to be that dad, but I'm being shut out and shut down and I can't run the play. I want to give you a practical action. Step, dad, go find a journal. You can get them online. There's still a couple of big bookstores open. Go find a journal that looks like your daughter If you have more than one daughter, it's one journal per daughter and begin to write in it with a date, so it's like a time capsule of what you wish you could tell her if she was in your life right now.

Speaker 1: 31:08

So, good Might be. Wishes for her dreams, for her prayers. You're praying memories you have. Hey, you know I was just at a 4th of July barbecue and it made me remember how cute you were in that little red, white and blue dress when you were five and remember the sparklers. And you're right. You then, when Lord willing, not if there's restoration, when Lord willing, not if there's restoration you have evidence to give her that counters the lie. My dad never heard that I was not in his life. Because the father of lies notice he's called a father. Jesus called him that, john 8, 44. He didn't call him a CEO of lies. He didn't call him the instigator of lies. He is a counterfeit father who wants to take you out by lying to your daughter.

Speaker 3: 31:59

So when you have truth in this book that you get to give her maybe months, maybe years down the road, imagine the power of your written words to her book to counter the lies yeah, because that I had a guy a number of years ago call me and say we're in a horrible divorce right now I'm afraid I'm gonna lose my daughter, and I said I heard this story. Why don't you do this? Make a mailbox that needs to be broken open and write a letter and mail it every week to your daughter? Wow, and sure enough, 10 years later they had the conversation why didn't you write me? Why didn't you care about me? And he brings it to her and says I did, but your mom kept resending it back in the mail. And when his daughter started reading these notes.

Speaker 3: 32:52

she just wept. She goes. You love me? Yes, I do. I am so sorry. Help me understand how I hurt you when you know I divorced your mom and you know we went through this time Because kids, when they come to that divorce place unfortunately, you know, know, because divorce is so wicked and what it does to both the husband and wife but to the children, yeah, is that these questions get unanswered in children. They do and they will interpret that separation and divorce to that doesn't love me. So my dad's a bad guy.

Speaker 1: 33:33

I was what he was staying around for.

Speaker 3: 33:35

Yes, that's right. I was ugly, so he didn't want me.

Speaker 1: 33:41

And see you, men would think how did she get ugly out of that? Welcome to the father of lies, phd in lyrology, and Ed, I remember having you, so the Dad Whisperer podcast is what I've had for dads and daughters since 2016. You've been on a couple of my programs and I remember you sharing how a dad of divorce came, remember hadn't seen his daughter, I think, for 20 years.

Speaker 3: 34:05

Yeah, 20 years. And he ended up writing. He said she'll never talk to me. I said write her one more letter with this line Help me understand how I hurt you when I divorced your mom. They met.

Speaker 1: 34:21

I quoted you. That is so profound. Dad, say it again, Ed, because I know there's based on statistics. Probably 75% of the emails I get are from dads with estrangements with their girls and a lot of it divorce. So that, right there, that's a take it to the bank action statement and sentence the dad. Say it again so dads can write that down help me understand how I hurt you.

Speaker 3: 34:46

when I divorced your mom Because that her value, her beauty and, long story short she called him almost immediately and said is this you? I haven't talked to you for 20 years. Then they met in Cincinnati. He flew up to meet her not seen her, didn't know anything about her and they agreed to go in the restaurant. And here he's looking and in walks, this girl that he's not seen in 20 years, and they meet eyes. She starts crying, he starts crying and he asks that question again. Help me understand. She goes. Well, dad, I have a question for you. Was I that ugly? And he was shocked. What do you mean? Was I that ugly, dad? You never kissed me, you never held me, you never spoke to me and I just figured I was so ugly.

Speaker 1: 35:48

Yeah, you didn't tell me I was beautiful. You weren't there.

Speaker 3: 35:51

That you got rid of Mom because you didn't want me and he just broke and he said, sweetheart, the reason we got divorced I don't know if your mom told you or not I had an addiction to pornography.

Speaker 3: 36:08

And I was so afraid of poisoning you that I stayed away. Will you forgive me? And she leaps across the table Daddy, daddy, daddy, I wanted you in my life and after about an hour of crying and hugging and talking, she goes. I have a gift for you and he doesn't understand what that is. He goes, follow me to my home and they drove a few minutes away from the coffee shop where they were and she goes in the back and he drives up on a gravel driveway, pulls in, walks up on the porch that has a screen door and he hears through the screen door. He's here, he's here door, he's here. He's here. And two grandchildren that he did not know about run out into Papa's arms, totally restored his relationship with his daughter. And the key for the guy was learning how to receive the blessing of the father his dad never gave him. He was just a wounded guy. Because isn't it true, would you say, in all your research and understanding, that men start with their daughters based on how their fathers treated the girls in their life?

Speaker 1: 37:33

Or mom Mom right.

Speaker 3: 37:36

The way their fathers loved mom, exactly the values of who a woman is, because our dads are and use this because it really works. Our dads are our first YouTube video as a boy, and the problem is most fathers today don't have any videos on their account. Dads are our first YouTube video as a boy, and the problem is most fathers today don't have any videos on their account.

Speaker 3: 37:59

Or they're bad, right, they're really negative, they're harsh. And so when a boy looks at a dad to discover, you know, what do women really want? I mean, how do I love a girl in my life? They look at their dad, I mean my, my own stepdad, on my wedding day, when I asked them what's your secrets? We're walking out for me to play a song for Jill to come get married and he just looked at me and goes son, women are just drama, drama, drama.

Speaker 3: 38:30

Oh my, that was it. And then he said they're kind of better seen and not heard, and I just I looked at him like man, you are no wonder mom and you didn't make it Right.

Speaker 3: 38:43

And I guess he learned that in a second marriage and they had a wonderful marriage, but with my mom it wasn't a good deal, and so that went into me and I made that promise. Well, I'll never say that to Jill, and then she would get emotional with me, I would blow a gasket and go drama, drama, drama, which got me in big trouble.

Speaker 3: 39:05

Yeah, yeah yeah, because I wasn't. I was see men struggled. Do you think that men struggle because, when they don't know who they are and they've never encountered you know the god, the father, in their life and had or in christ and gotten an identity or blessing from a dad, they're still looking at their girls in their life to find out who they are?

Speaker 1: 39:29

how their sons portal into their hearts of knowing who they are.

Speaker 3: 39:34

They are exactly right they don't. They don't know, and so part of they're. They're using their relationships to prove their identity, absolutely, instead of what you're teaching I've got it on my end, that's exactly right I have an abuse history.

Speaker 1: 39:50

I mean, the last thing that really I would imagine I would ever be doing, based on some significant sexual abuse trauma by men, is that I would now be loving being in groups of men, but I have clear boundaries. I think women either go promiscuous or frigid, you know, kind of one end or the other, and so I've had clear boundaries with men and now what I find is that men sometimes say we don't know where to go to ask for directions and so there's nowhere I would rather be. But I want to go back and I mean I absolutely agree with you that the bottom foundation is when we know how much we're loved by a father in heaven who writes our name on the palm of his hand. It's been a huge part of my healing journey. Going back only about 11 years, I realized I hadn't ever really connected with God as my father until I started doing this work with dads, and the first time I was asked to speak was about a year in and I went oh my goodness, and what I had God revealed to me is that I had I wouldn't actually say unhealed grandfather wounds, because I'd already done it, but some unaware areas of impact from my grandfather abuse that had me block out God as a father, and so Jesus stepped in front of him and let me see his face, because they're connected and I couldn't handle the father till then, you know. So I just I just want to say too, on this thing with divorce, before we step off of that subject, is that in this book. So again, let's talk conversation starters for dads and daughters.

Speaker 1: 41:22

I'm going to jump to the fourth section about lead her to lament, because if you're a dad that says I don't know what to ask I could, I could ask for, help me understand how I hurt you when I divorced your mom, and maybe you have a daughter that says I don don't know, and that was the end of it, and you're like, oh shoot, it worked for Ed's guy, but my daughter doesn't even pick up on that. Well, in here I've got questions on divorce, questions that you can ask your daughter if you or her mom had an affair. And again you have to. I know you have to gauge it based on her age. But in the lament section, ken, my husband said I think that's the most important section of the whole book because obviously where we are wounded physically, right, our whole body is impacted by it. Well, same with a heart wound.

Speaker 1: 42:06

That lament section. I put it as fourth so that there was a foundation laid before the harder topics were unearthed. But if you ever did dad or dad or sometimes I say dad, dad or instead of dad, daughter, but you can let your daughter pick the topic she wants, you know, and then that could be the theme for that meal that day or that dad daughter date to go through what she wants to go through. So, ed, can I just? I want to quickly kind of go through the other sections.

Speaker 3: 42:35

Please, please. This is so good that guys are going to go through. So, Ed, can I just? I want to quickly kind of go through the other sections, Please.

Speaker 1: 42:39

this is so good that guys are going to go?

Speaker 3: 42:40

Yes, go ahead.

Speaker 1: 42:41

Okay, again, you can tell, ed and I together are both about practical action steps, not just theory, not just information, not just data, because at the end of the day, it's about working it out. Working it out, okay. Section number two lead your daughter to love. So here's the reality. We all give out what we have, which I think you just have underscored. If you've never known the love of a father in heaven or earth, how do you give that to a daughter? First thing, you know getting into scripture and see how much you're adored and loved and I know adored might sound like a feminine term. I think we need to bring it back for the men you know.

Speaker 3: 43:20

No, that's ours. We we need to adore the ones. God yes.

Speaker 1: 43:23

So knowing you're adored, which is a treasured word, a value word. So lead her to love. When a woman knows she's loved, she's gonna going to give out love, and so what the way I love to say it is then she will go look, looking to give or to love in all the right places instead of looking for love in all the wrong places. Like we know that song, but when you know you're loved, you you look to love. You can't help but love and give out. So in that section you know it's more helping her understand her personality profiles, love languages, knowing who she is as a woman, as a girl, and then leading into conversations about being a world changer. Or I have information Some of it is stats and stories and questions and helping her understand something called the dream gap, where there's researchers that show, by the age of five, girls already have started believing they're not as strong or as capable as boys.

Speaker 1: 44:25

By six, they've already started, yes, associating this with gender. So again, you guys can go back to the Dad Whisperer podcast. It's on my website, drmichellewatsoncom. It's on Spotify, apple Google Podcastewatsoncom. It's on spotify, apple um google podcast. It's also on stitcher click the link too.

Speaker 3: 44:41

It's going to be on this. Uh, it's going to be on this.

Speaker 1: 44:44

You'll see it I have all these broken down where I've talked about all these one at a time where, if you want to go into more depth but so so here's some questions I wrote them down that you could ask. It's on this sheet. Again, you might want to ask your daughter what do you see as your three greatest strengths? And then you tell her what you see as her three greatest strengths. Now, as women, it's good for us to know our strengths. I don't think men, by and large, have a hard time admitting their strengths.

Speaker 2: 45:12

We're over here going.

Speaker 1: 45:13

No, you know, I don't want to be, I don't want to be full of pride. You know, own it like yes. This is strength because, again, using a football analogy, you know what position on the team you're best wired for. Created for a lot of girls don't know where they fit on the team and so they're trying on all kinds of different outfits right Right now. It's a lot of gender identity stuff. I just wrote an article for a national organization on how a dad can lead his daughter to have conversations about sexual orientation, gender identity and same-sex attraction, and in my book, ed, to be honest with you, this stuff, as we know, has blown up in the last two years. During COVID, I talked about same-sex attraction here. I wish now I would have broadened it to gender identity, but I have an updated questionnaire they're all free resources on my website.

Speaker 3: 46:06

One of the things you said is just key, I think. See a father's words towards a daughter. They carry the weight of a blessing or a curse.

Speaker 2: 46:18

Right.

Speaker 3: 46:19

Because God made you and I to be a word-activated human being, so the words that are spoken over us by those who God has given authority to have, great impact on our life.

Speaker 3: 46:32

Yes, and so when you say I love this about you, I love this gift that God's given you, what it does is, it's a blessing, it's prophetic, and that daughter will start believing that about herself, because you're not quoting all these scriptures and saying you're going to be a prophet like Anna in the Bible. Girls don't want that. They're saying Daddy, do you see me? Am I beautiful? Who am I? Who do you see me to be? And when we look at them eye to eye and not blink—we might have to blink because they're too beautiful but just to say that what you said is so powerful for their formation of who they are and, in a real way, just the honor that God made them to be a woman.

Speaker 1: 47:29

Right and you don't move that. What do they get?

Speaker 3: 47:31

They get a question mark. Who am I?

Speaker 1: 47:37

And they're vulnerable to the lies. Back to the piece about the enemy. You know I wasn't sure if I was going to bring this up today, but I just brought it with me as a prop in case it came up.

Speaker 3: 47:46

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 47:47

But as long as we're going long, let's just go on, let's go, we're going deep girl. Okay, so back to this thing.

Speaker 3: 47:52

I'm running a the deep pass and I'm running to catch in the end zone.

Speaker 1: 48:01

Okay, there we go. I should have brought a football today, man, but really I want to give dads another practical action step on this one, because we talked earlier about this daughter that said dad, do you think I'm ugly? Is that why you divorced mom? What? That doesn't seem like it goes together. And you just talked about affirming a woman's beauty. Here's what I love about you internal, your internal beauty and your external beauty. We need to hear both from you. Dad, not I had a dad once in the Abba project that only affirmed his daughter's inner beauty, always because he didn't want her to be stuck on outer beauty. And at 23 years old she said I'm still hurting over the fact that my dad has never told me I'm beautiful, so it's got to be both. So here's a practical action step, dad. Okay, my metaphor here's a mirror right here. There you go, you're looking at it's you? I don't know if I'm showing you there. Same you, same day. Look at this mirror.

Speaker 3: 48:51

Where am I?

Speaker 1: 48:52

It's broken, you get a completely different view of yourself based on the mirror you look in. So, dad, if your own brokenness is reflecting to your daughter a broken image, she internalizes that when it's really your stuff. That's why it's so important you do your work Okay On what's not healed in you so that it doesn't spill out. I mean, we all make mistakes. It's just about making amends and being aware. So here's a practical action step. Speaking of mirrors, where you can affirm your daughter's beauty, you can go, get a dry erase marker or a pack of sticky notes and I want you on the mirror in your daughter's bedroom. It could be the rear view mirror of her car, it could be the bathroom mirror, some mirror. And if you don't live with her, put this on a mirror at your house, take a picture and send it.

Speaker 1: 49:46

I had a dad named Tim tell me he takes this on the road because he travels for business and he writes in the hotel, takes a screenshot, sends it to her. Brilliant. But dad, I have been literally in the homes of daughters months, months, like I'm talking. One, five months, one, almost a year later she still had dad's messages on where we look in and see every flaw. Let's be straight up honest. You guys look at that mirror. You either don't look for a couple of days or when you look, you're like you want some of this. You know that is not how the mirror is. For us it is deadly, that's so good.

Speaker 1: 50:27

Come on, go today, do it Dry marker or sticky notes. In some ways I like the sticky notes better only because I've seen daughters keep them Like. I had one dad that said Brittany, you are. And then the next sticky note would say beautiful, resilient, strong, courageous, smart, and had them going down she, eighth grade. I went to her house months later. There's all dad's notes. Another daughter, eighth grade Also. I've. I also have some where women are in their twenties but where they've told me stories. Dad wrote one note he was in the ABBA project, stuck it in the bathroom. He then noticed she'd moved it to her bedroom to have it by the light switch when she came in and out of the room and it was all it said. Was it all it said was have a good day, honey. It wasn't even really an affirmation, didn't matter, it was in dad's handwriting. So is that practical enough for helping?

Speaker 3: 51:25

because see most a lot. So, hey, I want to say this to every dad out there your words out of your mouth or on paper over your children, over your wife, can completely change their future, right.

Speaker 1: 51:42

I agree, I write.

Speaker 3: 51:44

I write notes to my daughters, okay, and my wife we go to our bathroom right now.

Speaker 3: 51:51

You will see, on her mirror she's got that one mirror that makes your face this big, right? She doesn't put any notes on there, right? But she on her mirror, she all those the latest letters, notes that I've written, are there and every time she puts her makeup on she reads them and she comes out and she goes have I told you that? You're like the most amazing man that's ever been born? And I'm like what did I do? And then I got it. She's reading the note, those words she's reading the note and that's why we read this.

Speaker 3: 52:27

Yes, this is God's sticky notes, or it's his text message. His text message is to us this is what I love about you. You're more than a conqueror. No weapon formed against you is going to prosper. Oh, that's so good. That is such a great practical we just to help 3M right now. They're just going to.

Speaker 1: 52:50

Yeah there you go. Okay, I'm going to do the last three. I'm sure guys are like okay, okay, this is like drinking from a fire hose, but we're giving you, ed and I, so much because you can tell this is a passion area for me. You didn't say at the beginning we will have a healthier country from the ground up, with healthier women, and you, dad, are a huge part of it. A few years ago I went to the capital and it was, um, the day of the Me Too movement. It was the first march they had had there. I think this was in 18. And it was the end of the day and all their signs were on the street in front of the Capitol and I began to look at them and I just thought about the fact that I think so many women are shouting to be heard above the noise and above the rest, to so many women are shouting to be heard, above the noise and above the rest, to say hear me, see me, I have value.

Speaker 1: 53:39

And I would have loved to have interviewed those women I mean thousands of them, even if I just gave them a survey to ask, like zero to 10, where's the strength of your relationship with your dad? Because I have to believe, at the end of the day, if your daughter is heard by you, she doesn't have to shout above all the rest to be heard. She doesn't have to dress in ways to be seen, because she's already seen by you. So okay, last three things. I know I am trying to go as fast as I can but, ed, this is such an honor to be invited into a group, to be in a men's huddle that you can tell I'm just wanting to give you guys every nugget for your toolbox tool.

Speaker 3: 54:18

We need a lot of nuggets.

Speaker 1: 54:21

There you go. Well, here they are. You don't even have to go look at, okay. Third section lead her to look. So this is about looking under the hood. Right, when the car doesn't work, you got to lift the hood up, look at the wiring. So the same with your daughter's heart. If you're not clicking with her, you can tell that she's struggling. How do you lift the hood up? Look inside at some of those topics, if you will. Those are the different wires that make her engine run, if you will. Okay. So some of the sections in that part of the book Lead Her to Look. Are talking about sex, sexting. It's talking about cyber bullying or bullying. Is she a part of the problem or the solution? It's talking about cutting suicide.

Speaker 1: 55:06

Now, you may say my daughter's never been suicidal, but have you asked her? A few years ago, actually probably right before COVID, I spoke at a Christian high school and I did this thing where in their class earlier that day, each student couple of hundred had filled out on a piece of paper. They checked the boxes. This isn't new to me, but I asked, like I've been. You know I I've been a child of divorce or my parents are separated, I take medication. I've been, I've contemplated suicide. I've been a child of divorce or my parents are separated. I take medication. I've been, I've contemplated suicide. I've attempted suicide. You know all I cut. I use drugs or I have used drugs, I drink alcohol or I have you know those kinds of things more vulnerable. And they checked boxes, walked in and then each of them got a piece of paper that represented someone else's story. Right In a tiny Christian high school, 11 students stood up representing someone else's piece of paper. I've attempted suicide. That wasn't just contemplated Now. I imagine most of their parents didn't know. So it was one of those events where afterwards, like like teenagers do, they huddle and they cry like even. And then two it was mostly girls and two boys were all awkward standing there in the group, you know, and one of them that had been on the front had been the homecoming queen was one of them that said, actually, that's my story, sobbing. So I kind of did it. It's a wonderful life thing. I asked these other kids why don't you right now tell her what it would mean to you if she was dead? Well, more tears. But you know that deposit went in. So, dad, what I'm saying is, even if your daughter has been suicidal, you don't know that, but she probably has friends who have been. So these topics that are maybe more, I would say, uncomfortable topics for you to lead, I guarantee you it's a game changer in knowing your daughter. Okay. So, dad, again I'm giving you what you need to succeed on that section. Fourth section lead her to lament I said this in the first half of our conversation here is that my husband, dr Ken Canfield.

Speaker 1: 57:16

He founded the National Center for Fathering. So he and I co -chair the father-daughter initiative of the National Center for Fathering. He did father-daughter summits for years, said he saw more men say yes to Jesus coming out of that event than any other thing he's ever done. Started that in 1990. So he's been doing it a long time.

Speaker 1: 57:35

But really, dad, I'm telling you so when my husband is saying you know, this is, this is truth from what he knows, it carries weight. He said I think that is your most important section in the whole book, because where we haven't attended to woundedness right, it begins to take over. That's where I think we either numb with pornography, with drugs, with alcohol, with busyness, with ministry overworking can be that kind of thing or it's what ends up taking us down, where we just internally like I think some of that's me I shared earlier about my abuse history what I've done to combat that a lot of my life is I've become a perfectionist. I've become as an oldest daughter and overworked her. I'm the oldest of four. We're all so very different but I didn't even realize how much of that overachieving was just kind of helping me avoid going there. So eight years of counseling ed. I was in in my kind of wiped out my my uh twenties, early thirties. But you know, at the end of the day I would go through it again, cause the Jesus I learned in Bible school when I faced my pain got down into my heart space. And, dad, if you've never done your own work that way, I encourage you, find someone who can walk with you through that. Reach out to me, drmichellewatsonatgmailcom. Like let's keep a conversation going. Do your work so that your daughter sees right More is caught than taught, that it's okay to do that, to look under the hood, and maybe some of these conversations with your daughter will be a way that you will begin doing that in your own life.

Speaker 1: 59:04

In this lament section, which now sets me up to give the finale, the last chapter, is, lead her to listen. So this is where you hand your daughter the book and she has questions to ask you about your life, and I've had some daughters say I hate being on the hot seat all the time. Well, you might want to go every other one. She asks you a question. You ask her a question. You know a set of questions. So this is where she's going to ask you about your childhood, your relationship with your mom and your dad, your work history.

Speaker 1: 59:35

A great question in that section is she can ask you dad, tell me something you've learned the hard way that no one taught you. Or, dad, tell me about one of the most stupid things you've ever done. Because really, dad, if you tell her that story one, it's going to give you more empathy and compassion and patience with her, because you're going to remember what you were like at that story One. It's going to give you more empathy and compassion and patience with her because you're going to remember what you were like at that age. But it's also going to help your daughter see you as more normal, more human, more real, and then she's going to open up more with you.

Speaker 3: 1:00:07

That's so good.

Speaker 1: 1:00:09

She can ask you about your relationship with God. How do you understand God as a father in relationship to your relationship with your, in relation to your relationship with your earthly father? But really, at the end of the day, it's about dads and daughters having conversations, learning to talk, learning to listen. And then one of the things I say at the end of the book is if you forget everything else I've said, just let's talk T-A-L-K. If you sometimes go, I don't know where to go with my daughter, this might help you remember.

Speaker 1: 1:00:38

T is it's about time. How much quantity time are you giving her? I think sometimes we believe it's just quality time. Nope, at the end of the day, you've got to put the time into anything right Sports, training, running the plates you got to put the time in. So maybe that's a way to ask yourself how much time have I actually spent face-to-face with my daughter this week?

Speaker 1: 1:01:00

You know, statistics show, sadly, it's like seven minutes between parents and kids. Maybe double that, make it 14 this week. 14 minutes I'm going to intentionally put that, but time right Is key. A is affection. How much physical touch, safe touch, are you giving your daughter Because she's going to internalize that she's worth being safely honored physically by that one Ella's listening, really remembering. You have two ears and one mouth for a reason. Maybe that's where you want to focus this week upping your game to be a better listener, an active listener, a reflective listener, mirroring back what she says, say her exact words back. Oh, so you really feel tired today? Yes, I do. Nobody understands me. Wow, no one understands you, not as a question of doubt, but it's a statement of affirmation, listening, letting her know you heard what she said.

Speaker 1: 1:01:52

And then the last one is kindness. I think sometimes men say no, I gotta be the heavy, or mom tees you up to be the heavy. Just remember, proverbs talks about the word of kindness on your tongue. Just wrapping everything you do in kindness will, as Luke says. Is it beginning of Luke about kindness? God's kindness leads to repentance. Maybe you have a daughter that's really in a hard place. How much kindness are you bringing to that relationship with her in this really tricky season? But so time, affectionless and kindness. So, man, we, we have packed this full ed ever, with lots of men to listen to and put into action that's why they can listen to this over and over, and, over and over again, and we're going to.

Speaker 3: 1:02:36

Actually, after the live event, you get to pay a small subscription fee and listen to this as much as you want to, because I'm going to, I'm learning today Our quarterback here, michelle Watson, dr Michelle Watson Canfield. Give him a big hug and kiss from me. I just love the pioneering work that your man has done for years to raise the attention that we really do have a fathering pandemic.

Speaker 3: 1:03:18

You know we have. We have a fathering pandemic and you know, when you, when you heal that with daughters and make them healthier women that we've learned they're going to, they're going to be your biggest asset as a father when you're a grandpa. And if you go my daughters Mary and Jessica and I have Kate and McKenna through marriage as well there's something that happens where they got your back, when you have their heart.

Speaker 3: 1:03:49

Yeah, that's good, and my daughters call me all the time hey Dad, how you doing, how's it going? I've been praying for you. What's God saying to you? What's going on? They tell me their story, what they're going through, or they'll just call and say hey Dad, I just need some daddy time. And so we just get on the phone and we'll talk. And the secret, though, I've learned is that I don't give advice until they say is that I don't give advice until they say, dad, what do you think I should do with this? Yeah, yeah. Then I'll say would you like some advice? I don't jump in there, because if I jump in there, they think, oh, here he is trying to fix me again.

Speaker 3: 1:04:29

Yeah yeah, and then we have this just world-class conversation. I want to just say this as well to every dad You're going to be the father of your daughters for the rest of your life, and how you learn to father them will translate into the way they choose their man that they marry and the way they're going to treat their grandchildren and their granddaughters. And so you get to choose that later story where you can be talked as of a hero, like my kids do with me, not because of football that I played, not because of churches I pastored, but great conversations with the girls on my story, and I am so grateful I've learned so much today from you.

Speaker 3: 1:05:28

And would you just give a closing prayer to these guys that are watching going? Man, I got a lot of work to do, so if you're watching and you're saying I need some help, open your hands right now and let Dr Michelle pray for you.

Speaker 1: 1:05:45

Abba, father, god, jesus Christ, lord of heaven and earth and Holy Spirit, I thank you that all three of you never do anything apart from each other and you are wrapped around, every single man listening. Would you put a deposit into the core of his spirit that if he ever feels alone, like he's just going against the tide and nothing's supporting him and his family or his life, would you remind him that he's never less than four. He's got all three of you fully and completely at his disposable, 24, seven. God, I pray that there would be a new anointing on the men of America to rise up and champion their daughters, intentionally and consistently, as they are conduits of your love, father, god, into their daughters lives and hearts. God, I pray that you would begin to let them look at their own brokenness and to be healed by you being reminded of John 6, 12, god, that you take all the broken pieces and you say let nothing be wasted. Would you begin to raise up men, fathers in this nation who say I don't care how many times I'm kicked down by my daughter, I'm going to keep pursuing her heart and finding ways to let her know I love her, even if right now, the only thing I can do is pray for her because I don't have access into her life.

Speaker 1: 1:07:05

God, encouraged the men listening today. Let them know that you adore, as we talked about earlier, you adore them. They are valued by you, they are treasured by you, and would you encourage their hearts to keep going? Let them not be be caught up in the lie that it's by their might or their power. Let them know, god, that the only impact they can have in their daughter's life is by your spirit.

Speaker 1: 1:07:30

God, I also sense that you want me to pray against a spirit of fear that has gripped men, that they're afraid to do it wrong so they do nothing. Would you, father, god, holy spirit, jesus Christ, come against that lie that they would have to always do it? Perfect. Let them know it just matters that they show up and are present, because it's not Lord, god, that you've given them a spirit of fear. You've given them power in you, a sound mind and love. Those are what you give. Let there be a renewal in their spirits, their minds, their hearts and their lives to know that they get to partner with the Trinity in showing your love, father, to their daughters. So encourage them today. I pray that you would seal this work today with the Holy Spirit's presence and power, all for your glory, god, and together we all say amen.

Speaker 3: 1:08:26

Awesome. Make sure you click the link.

Speaker 1: 1:08:29

I've loved being here, thank you.

Speaker 3: 1:08:31

Guys, click the link, sign up, get her book. You will not. You're going to have a revolution with the girls in your story.

Speaker 1: 1:08:40

A revolution with revelation. There we go, drrachelwatsoncom. Hallelujah.

Speaker 2: 1:08:45

Hallelujah.

Speaker 3: 1:08:45

Okay.

Speaker 1: 1:08:46

Amen, awesome, awesome.

Speaker 3: 1:08:52

And this blessed you. Guys, we're going to send you a free gift. If you sign up on the link, it's going to be in the chat A free gift for you from us called the Difference of Father Makes, and so we've been so honored to share with you today, and stay tuned for our next Huddle Up event coming real soon.

Speaker 2: 1:09:14

We hope you enjoyed the Father Difference podcast. Are you ready to learn more about the Father Difference? Well, we have a special gift for you in the bio to help you get started. Remember the Father loves you and wants you to make the Father Difference in your family.