Ever had a breakup that felt like it shattered your world? How do you find closure and move on? You’re not alone. This episode is a candid exploration of breakups and self-love, as we share personal experiences and help you navigate these often rocky waters. We discuss the significance of maintaining respect and setting healthy boundaries during and after a breakup. Trust us - a breakup can be a catalyst for learning, growth, and a deeper understanding of your own needs and desires.
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Ever had a breakup that felt like it shattered your world? How do you find closure and move on? You’re not alone. This episode is a candid exploration of breakups and self-love, as we share personal experiences and help you navigate these often rocky waters. We discuss the significance of maintaining respect and setting healthy boundaries during and after a breakup. Trust us - a breakup can be a catalyst for learning, growth, and a deeper understanding of your own needs and desires.
Social Media: LPoP
https://www.instagram.com/lastpieceofpiepodcast/
https://www.threads.net/@lastpieceofpiepodcast
https://www.tiktok.com/@last.piece.of.pie?_t=8j0uDxkYoVm&_r=1
Send us your comments or questions and we will answer them on the show!
email - lastpieceofpiepodcast@gmail.com
Welcome. This is Last Piece of Pi podcast. I'm Jen, I'm Mal and first we want to give a shout out to Lindsay Klinger, who did our beautiful photos that we've posted on Instagram and used part of our podcast artwork. She's very, very talented. Yes, you can find her on Instagram at Lindsay Klinger. She does amazing pictures and weddings and all the family photos you need oh my gosh, some of the wedding pictures.
Speaker 2:I was like, oh, maybe I'll get married again.
Speaker 1:Yeah, they're beautiful, they're beautiful. Thank you, lindsay.
Speaker 2:Good job, girl. We appreciate the support?
Speaker 1:And, mel, do you know that some L-poppers want some follow-ups from our first dating episode?
Speaker 2:No.
Speaker 1:Yes, why? L-poppers are what our fans are calling themselves, by the way.
Speaker 2:Oh, that's awesome. So what they want to know if I got rid of Loverboy.
Speaker 1:Yeah, they want a status update on Loverboy.
Speaker 2:Imagine that I know what girls Thank you. Thank you for caring. I got a lot of emails. Did you see them?
Speaker 1:Yeah, some of them were wondering why you were dating them. They're like we love them, they're very perceptive of you guys.
Speaker 2:Yeah, they're like we love the first podcast. It was perfect. But who the hell are you dating? I'm like yeah, thank you. And that's what's great about like my little circle is that people are rooting for me. Everyone knows I deserve a happy ending. So when they see me settle for less than that, they're kind of like call me to the carpet. So I appreciate that. But yeah, I did want to talk to you about that. So L-poppers are reading my mind because I wanted to tell you, jen, I'm sad.
Speaker 1:It's okay to be sad. Breakups are hard.
Speaker 2:I hate them. It goes with the dating part that I hate.
Speaker 1:Yes, and breakups are never easy. You have to be sure about them. So I want to change the culture with breakups and I love the fact that you took my advice and did it over the phone and didn't text him.
Speaker 2:Girl, because you know, I was like I was editing that text, I was sending it back and forth to you. I was like I got this. I can be brave, I can communicate my feelings through text, and you're like Melanie Marie, absolutely not.
Speaker 1:No, because you guys dated too long to send it through a text. I felt that was so impersonal from your dating experience with him and how much time you spent together. If it's just like I had one date or two dates with somebody and you aren't feeling it, a text is totally fine. But I get it, I get it.
Speaker 2:I just felt bad. I don't want to let anyone down and I hate to hurt other people's feelings, and there's probably a part of me that is worried, like they're going to be angry with me, right, and I don't like conflict.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you can't control somebody else reacts and I don't think anybody likes conflict, but it's being mature and it's doing the right thing because you, if you look at it as how would you want somebody to break up with you? You wouldn't want them to like not send something and not tell you or send some weird text.
Speaker 2:Yep that's good. Yeah, I'd be pissed. Oh, I'd be pissed. Yes, you are so right. Oh, I like that. Okay, how would I feel I wouldn't appreciate it? So, yes, thank you for making me pick up the phone and call and handling it maturely.
Speaker 1:Yes, and he was great about it, right? Yeah, he was very respected your wishes and it ended on a positive note.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I was hugs. Good luck. Thanks for your time Wishing nothing but the best, which I feel like we all should do that to everybody that we, you, don't have to break up with like, let's sleep healthy.
Speaker 1:Yeah, if they go crazy, then you just know that's confirmation, they're not the person from you and you just say I'm sorry you feel that way and just walk away or just block them. Don't keep perpetuating their craziness, because obviously they're not mature enough.
Speaker 2:So, speaking of immature, I've had to block people because I was immature.
Speaker 1:Oh, like black from you trying to communicate with them after they broke up with you.
Speaker 2:Amen. And stalking my phone. So like I'd go back and look at my phone, be like I wonder if you text, I wonder if you call them when everybody's blah, blah, blah and it was just obsessive and I'm like this is not healthy. No, you're done, I block it and I'm done. I know there's no communication happening and it's time to heal. It's time to shut down, isolate yourself, grieve, love on yourself, journal, write the breakup letter, burn it. Whatever you got to do.
Speaker 1:Yeah, limit your exposure to that other person. And I know we have some younger listeners out there. So it's don't be afraid of what people are going to think of you if you have to block them off of your social media temporarily Because if they're like liking your posts and it's making you all anxiety like why are they still liking my stuff, Well, just block them so you don't because you want to rip off the band aid. Heal, do your healing and then maybe you can add them back on, Right?
Speaker 2:And it's a, it's a form of self love. You're protecting yourself, you're protecting your peace. Boundaries are healthy. Boundaries are for you. So if you need the boundary of blocking, then do it and know that within time, maybe you'll unblock and maybe it'll be better. Yeah.
Speaker 1:Time heals all ones it does. And you know, maybe change their name to something like couldn't find, check and Doesn't communicate. Eight Taco Bell at midnight. Really, that's your red flag? No, because I could do that Right.
Speaker 2:And it affects the first thing. Jen asked when I picked her up from the airport I was taking her to Taco Bell.
Speaker 1:So yeah, you can't put that in your phone, girlfriend. I'm starving and I needed like American food, even though Taco Bell's not really American food.
Speaker 2:but that's funny, yeah, so I have put a few of them in my phone where I'm like didn't return my call.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I had one there that said fuck boy couldn't find his emotions, oh shoot. Thank God you don't have kids.
Speaker 2:Abby being my phone, she'd be like oh damn mom's past yeah.
Speaker 1:So I feel like when you break up with somebody, if you have to limit your exposure, it's okay and go if you feel like you have to reach out to them after the break up, like, go do something else, go for a walk, go be in nature, go work out, go talk to a friend, hide your phone, do something else for 10 minutes and see if you feel it you really need to talk to them again.
Speaker 2:A great one is to meditate, get quiet, meditate, quiet your mind, quiet your heart, quiet your body and just see if you can spiritually, emotionally, physically check out. Yeah, write a letter.
Speaker 1:Put a write a note on your iPhone app or iNotes, but never send it. Just write it out and then never send it. I love that. It's so healing. I love that.
Speaker 2:I've done that once. We'll talk about that in a different episode. I had to write my father a letter and that was the most powerful thing I've ever done in my life Awesome.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:So it definitely does work yeah.
Speaker 1:And it says a lot about you, of how you handle breakups. When you can be at a place where you accept the fact that they're not your person, you are on the same page and you can move on quickly. So how you handle breakups is how you feel about yourself.
Speaker 2:Oh, that's facts, because there's been times where I'm a hot mess express and I look back at how I handled breakups and, oh God Lord, girl, you should have like we should have been friends because you had been like come here, come here, puppet, let's put you back in your box.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, there was times where I handled breakups badly because I felt so bad about myself, I wasn't good enough, I wasn't skinny enough. You tell yourself all the things, you blame yourself. It's like no, you are amazing. You are awesome, you are a great human being. They just didn't see it. So there's somebody else out there who's going to see it. Yeah, let's keep it easy, let's keep it.
Speaker 2:It's just not your person.
Speaker 1:No.
Speaker 2:There's 77 billion more. It's okay to try again, like it's just not your person. Let's stop taking things so personally. You know, and the great thing about dating, like we said in the first episode, is dating is a place where you can learn about yourself.
Speaker 1:Yes, and breakups you can learn a lot about yourself too.
Speaker 2:So this one I learned that I'm immature.
Speaker 1:No, I think you learn about how you handle rejection and if you need to work on, you need to work on being rejected.
Speaker 2:She just gave me the side eye. Folks, I got the side eye from Jen with the rejection word. Yeah, I don't like rejection, it sucks and it triggers my abandonment issues. And, girl, that's like ugh, that's a whole nother podcast. Anywho, I don't like being rejected. I don't like breakups. I don't like the whole thing. I don't like dating. I just want to go back to Disneyland where, like you know, I'm in my tower with my long hair and he's like let your hair down.
Speaker 1:Oh, yeah, rapunzel.
Speaker 2:And he climbs up and he's like I've waited my whole entire life for you. I'll never break your heart.
Speaker 1:But you just got to focus on what your ultimate goals are in dating and go back if somebody breaks up with you. Go back and think what are my goals in dating? What is my values in a person? And somebody that, like, doesn't make you or elevate you and gives you a bunch of anxiety while you're dating them, and then they break up with you and you're all distraught about it. Go back to what kind of person do I want? And that's not the person that you want.
Speaker 2:You want them to elevate you and meet your values, match your energy, have the same goals. They also can be different. Like I'm okay with meeting somebody that's different, you know how. Like I'm really not into politics. Yeah, maybe I meet somebody that is, but he's not a hunter. So let's say, like you know, I'm in the woods Saturday morning but he's out picketing. Like that's cool, like I'll bring home the meat, you go pick it and let's come home with fire. Like I'm cool with that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, come home, have a meal, talk about what happened during your day and you move on Support each other. Support each other and what you're trying to accomplish.
Speaker 2:Amen. So, member, in the first episode I talked about that. I really want to focus on being friends and not rushing things. I think that will help breakups, especially when the breakups are in the beginning, like the first two, three months. When you're friends, it's okay to say you know what? Thank you for your time. I appreciate everything you brought to the table. I appreciate your time, your love, your commitment, your honesty. But what I found is that it's not for me, but it's for somebody else but not for me, and I've got to go my separate ways. And when you have a friendship like that, I think the other person's more likely to be like cool, I get it. Yeah, thank you for your honesty.
Speaker 1:Yes, because I like how you said that you gave them appreciation for who, the good things that they are, and you said that I found this is what I need and what I'm looking for and it's just not a good connection. I think people really appreciate when you say, because everyone understands like you're not going to connect with everybody, and I think people understand that connection. Like if you're looking for something simple, something specific and they're not that person, but you give them the props for being a good human, it makes it a little less hurtful.
Speaker 2:And it's beautiful because we are supposed to edify each other. So when you edify somebody and say it's just not for me, it's a beautiful, beautiful spot to be in as a human race, I love that.
Speaker 1:And I feel like it's a little bit more of a better. I don't want to say you always get closure from breakups. You may never get closure, but they accept the fact that you're not on the same page.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you kind of went through that, yeah, when you had to say goodbye and you didn't get closure yeah from Michigan Boy.
Speaker 1:That was hard, yeah, and I don't normally give people a second chance after a breakup. Because, going back, I actually met him a year ago and we've had a very intense beginning and then it just kind of faded out and I never heard from him again. And then we reconnected and he again just disappeared and I had to say we are not on the same page, your actions do not match up with your words and you're not the person I'm looking for, because our values are not the same and I was so proud of you for sending the message, but I'm more proud of you for moving on without closure.
Speaker 2:I think that is one of the hardest things to do. I don't know if it's for me like I think it would eat me for a little while. I need closure, I need healing, and so I'm super proud of you for saying you know what this individual isn't going to provide me with closure, and that I can provide it for myself.
Speaker 2:Yes that is what you found. You found closure on your own, by saying this is what I deserve, this is what I'm looking for and this is what I want. This person did not bring this to the table, so I'm setting the boundaries now and I'm moving on.
Speaker 1:Yeah, he silently just went away. Yeah, and I think that happens to a lot of people and everybody's like always wondering why, like why? Where did this person go? What happened You'll never know, but just remember their behavior says a lot about them and how you react to that says a lot about you. So how you take breakups and how you take rejections say a lot about you, but also, at the same time, like the way you talk about yourself, like I deserve somebody who can communicate to me.
Speaker 1:I deserve somebody who can follow up on what they say and how they feel about me. I guess that was the biggest thing I was so confused about. He would say how he would feel, but then they, it wasn't matching up, though. Sweet Jesus, the first night he saw you again he was like I'm going to marry you.
Speaker 2:I mean, yeah, the actions don't line up. He could even text you fucking back yeah, not lining up, bud bro.
Speaker 1:Sorry. Yeah, he didn't respond in a timely manner. I like when I went back and really thought about what am I, what is my ultimate goal in dating and what are my values that I'm looking for in a person, I was like he is not lining up at all and he does not deserve any more space in my mind or in my energy, amen.
Speaker 2:Because your body only has so much energy to produce right and that moment, that day, that minute, whatever it is, so why give it to him? Don't do that Right.
Speaker 1:I feel like people give energy to people that don't deserve it, especially after a breakup, Like they broke up with you for a reason. I and probably because that's why I don't go back to people is because of I got burned and I don't do. I don't go back, I'm not going to date you again after you break up with me. You should have realized the first time how awesome I was.
Speaker 2:Last piece of pie. Yeah, yeah, I love that. The first time I dated after my divorce, I think I broke up with a man 25 times what.
Speaker 1:I'm not kidding. Oh, my Lord Mel, that is.
Speaker 2:Oh, I was half my sex friend 25 times fell I'm not kidding At least why and then I'd go back. It was a mess. I was a mess. It was like my after-divorce messy period. So my girlfriend's live, I mean because everyone's like you get a divorce and go through your whole season. Well, my whole season was get back into relationship and be messy. Yes, so everyone's like, oh god, did you screw that up? But yeah, so that 25 times.
Speaker 2:I'm not kidding, it was my dad was so frustrated with me. He's like I am not going to go get your things one more time. Like you know this person is not a good fit for you.
Speaker 2:Step second guessing yourself. Take your ass back home, it is time to heal. And I didn't live with this individual. But we were back and forth to houses and blah, blah, blah, right. But my dad was like you're done, you got to stay home and heal. And thank god he finally did that for me because I listened, and that's when my real healing journey began. And then I kind of squirreled for a little bit.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I could have imagined you break up for a reason, and normally the reason is it's not like because it was rainbows and fairy tales. There was something I don't say wrong, but there was some kind of flaw there was some kind of you weren't on the same page about. There was something in them that red flags hundreds just weren't, deep down was just not the person. So to go back again and again, that just seems like torture to me.
Speaker 2:It was. It was definitely a form of torture, but it was allowing my pain to be in a different area Different. You're paying to be in a different area, right? So, instead of my pain being divorced and the wounding of that, I was able to switch it and it was breakup pain, so I wasn't dealing with it. And then, finally, my dad was like you're done, you're going to have to deal with this hurt. And yeah, I finally had to deal with it. It sucked.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's OK to be sad and depressed or mad, but at the end of the day, you have to focus on yourself.
Speaker 2:Give yourself some grace.
Speaker 1:Yeah, go for a walk, take a bath, go work out, go talk to a friend, go see a movie, do something that makes you laugh. Comedy shows.
Speaker 2:Coaster at Matt Rife.
Speaker 1:Have you seen him? Yes, I've seen him, good Lord, and I've heard about him. He likes older women.
Speaker 2:Damn girl, that's your alley, then that boy's smoking, huh, I think you should DM him. No, come on no.
Speaker 1:I'm good, no, go listen to this podcast. Hopefully it makes you laugh, right.
Speaker 2:He is pretty funny. So thank you for allowing me to go through this journey with you and getting stronger and tougher on breakups. You know what? What's the truth? I mean, I hope that I don't go through another breakup, but the truth is I might, and it's OK, I'll get through it. The days go by quicker, it's fine, you're going to live. No one died, you know, the cat's still alive Like.
Speaker 1:Take a deep breath. I know we have younger listeners out there. So as you get older, I feel like you learn how to handle breakups. You gain a little bit more maturity, you redefine who you want as a person or who you are as a person. It could change over time, I mean, unless you find the love of your life early on, which props to you, man, if you do. I know there's people out there that do. But date, break up, date again. You're going to break up again. Just be healthy about it. Yeah, make good choices. Be upfront about what you're looking for. You'll save yourself a lot of headaches in the beginning. If you're not looking for anything serious in the beginning, just be honest about it. Be like I don't know what I'm looking for or I'm just casual dating.
Speaker 2:And if someone changes their mind, they come back and let's say you're dating someone and I'm like I'm looking for a long-term relationship and all of a sudden, three weeks in, I'm like I'm changing my mind. Maybe I don't want a long-term. I feel like that other person needs to give me grace and be like OK, I appreciate your honesty. It hurts a little bit, but you are entitled to change your mind and find your way, and I think, as humans, we've got to start being kinder to one another.
Speaker 1:And it gives the other person the opportunity to decide if that's something that's right for them. If they're just casual dating and that's what they want to do too, then great, you know where you both stand. Or if you're both looking for something serious, but then you guys realize, well, we're not the right people for that for each other, then it's OK.
Speaker 2:And I love the thing about dating is that you're learning about yourself, and for me, I always want to learn about myself, I always want to grow, I always want to change. So the next one, I'm just going to look at it as OK, time for me to grow, time for me to learn more about myself and be mature, be kind and hopefully one day I do meet Mr Ray and he sweeps me off my feet and sends me flowers all the time.
Speaker 1:Like bed of roses. You can have your bed of roses moment.
Speaker 2:Yes, he's a good communicator, good listener, he likes to check in.
Speaker 1:I'll just keep being a cold-hearted snake over here and not take people back.
Speaker 2:I'm going to play polo duel for you from now on, over and over and over. Well, listen, I made it, el Poppers, I did it. It's over. I made a good choice. It wasn't a good fit, it was a tough choice. I guess I was sad. Yes, it's hard to say goodbye to what you thought was going to be. Yeah true and that Jen because, that's what we get hung up on.
Speaker 1:Yeah, we get hung up on the what if, or I thought that it was going to be this like the amazing image that you've had in your mind. Oh yeah, perfect, the fairy tale image that you had in your mind, yep.
Speaker 2:And then you realize that person's not that and you're not that together. So let's just skip that part from now on. Right, let's not be fake, let's be real. Take off the rose colored glasses, see truth. You know, that's what I do with Ab all the time, like when she's having anxious thoughts, I say what's truth? And we need to start doing that to ourselves in dating Jen. What's the truth? Truth is your values are not lining up. He's a drug addict and not communicating with you. And then it's like oh, oh, oh yeah.
Speaker 1:Like not my guy Right, Like I had to step back and say what's the truth about Michigan boy. He's a terrible communicator, His actions don't line up and obviously he's got some issues because who wants to marry you?
Speaker 2:from the get go. I mean you are fucking amazing, but I mean to come out and say it's kind of weird yeah. I would have kept it to myself. I would have been like in my head, because we've all met that person in the beginning. When you're in, you're just so excited.
Speaker 1:Yeah, the problem was is that he said it in front of my friends too.
Speaker 2:What an idiot. I'm sorry.
Speaker 1:So there was an audience.
Speaker 2:What an idiot. He must have woke up the next morning and been like fuck my life.
Speaker 1:I don't know. He said he remembered every word that was said that night and I was like, oh okay.
Speaker 2:Sweet Jesus. Can you send him, like a counseling card, like a business card, like to the local therapist, something I no, we're not being kind. We're not being kind. This is not being kind.
Speaker 1:Okay, I'm sorry. I hope the best for him. He figures it out and Iki on him.
Speaker 2:I think we all have those tendencies, but we've got to stop that. And that's what's good about becoming a better human is that you, those tendencies are still going to pop up to be an ass. But if you catch them and you're like, nope, not going to do that, I want the best for that human. Good luck. I need counseling, you need counseling. Hopefully you find yours. I'm going to go get mine.
Speaker 1:Yeah, let's not bond over trauma, let's bond over being good humans.
Speaker 2:Amen, that is beautiful. I do want to say, though, thank you for sending me that pin. That was beautiful. That said, sometimes your heart needs more time to accept what your mind already knows. Oh yeah, that was good. I liked that because my heart and my mind weren't aligned yet and it was like it was almost like a warfare.
Speaker 1:Eventually, when you get to that place of, like emotional maturity, your mind and heart work together.
Speaker 2:Beautiful, and that's that is the end goal right there. That is it For your mind and your heart to work together and to be a better human, to be kind to others and to go through breakups peacefully. I think it's an honorable thing.
Speaker 1:Yeah, if you need a breakup script, shoot Mel and I at DM and we'll help you with it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, or an email or an email Got it, we'll. We'll email you back. Half the time I don't sleep, so I'll sit on my computer and and we'll talk breakups. So we got you. Don't be too discouraged. This too shall pass. Remember, this is temporary. I promise you you will experience love again. I promise you there is somebody for everybody. So deep breaths and my daddy used to say there's like 78 billion people in the universe and you're sitting at home crying over one. Sounds like my dad.
Speaker 2:Like one go meet the other 77. Like you're okay kid Really, or you're okay grown up.
Speaker 1:It's okay. Yeah, we might have to interview your dad.
Speaker 2:Oh, sweet Jesus, we are not having any Italians on this podcast.
Speaker 1:Lord we have one, that's enough.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you know like how we already have the E we're gonna need, like E, E, E, E. Seriously, this will be our podcast Beep, beep beep.
Speaker 1:The beep is when you swear oh right, it can't be on TV.
Speaker 2:That's my dad. He'd be like oh, you just need a fucking head slap, that's all you need. Just straighten your shit out, that's it. You fucking quick crying. There's nothing to cry about. Why are you crying? I'm like yeah, because no one loves me. Italians are tough, oh, hell yeah he was tough, he still is tough on me, but as he's getting older he is getting a little gentle. So now he will say check it in. And then that's how he'll say, it gets easier.
Speaker 1:Thanks, dad. You know what would be amazing if there was, like, a phone number that you called and it was an Italian dad on the other end yelling telling you how to get over the break up.
Speaker 2:Dude, we could arrange that. We could so get a Google number.
Speaker 1:Have my dad leave a message, yeah.
Speaker 2:El Papa's like I got you. And then when you're feeling discouraged, you just call Papa. That's it, Call Papa. And he'll be like what the hell are you crying about? I love it, I love it. And then he says I put some pasta visual on your porch. I'm like thanks, dad, Soup's gonna make me better. Oh yeah, he's the best. So we got to work on that. I like that. You're not having him on here though. Good night, Listen, I might drink one night. Allow you to have Dante, my dad and my uncle.
Speaker 1:Oh, no, oh my God, that'll be a bonus episode. I don't know, I don't gosh. Okay, yeah, yeah, maybe.
Speaker 2:Okay, they'll tell you all about their breakups and, trust me, these boys have broke some girls' hearts.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, I know about all about your brother, so I mean they are heartbreakers.
Speaker 2:None of them are married either.
Speaker 1:Uncle's married. Nope, not married. That wasn't his wife.
Speaker 2:No, but they've been together for years, like 20 plus years.
Speaker 1:Well, I mean, I consider them married.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and they consider themselves married, but not officially, technically, in some people's eyes.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:In their eyes it's probably official. Oh, I know I kind of like it. So, yeah, it works for them and they are beautiful. They're beautiful people. I love her. She's a big fan of ours.
Speaker 1:Oh, thank you. I know Aunt Barb. Aunt Barb thanks. She's the best. We love our fans. So thank you guys. Remember breakups are hard, so be kind to leave a message. Practice self care. Write a letter, block people temporarily and take care of yourself. You will find your person. If you have comments or questions about this episode, please send us a message on Instagram at last piece of pie podcast, or email us at last piece of pie podcast at gmailcom and like and subscribe wherever you get your podcast.