Have you ever wondered, in this digital age, how to navigate the intricacies of adult friendships? Join us as we venture into this complex world, sharing personal stories and insights, from how our friendship blossomed to how we pulled each other up during challenging times.
We also tackle the big question - can men and women just maintain a platonic friendship? Offering our own perspectives and experiences, we shed light on this often-debated topic. We dig deeper into the roles of social media in friendships and how to foster meaningful connections in an increasingly virtual world. Together, we reflect on the importance of acceptance, respect, and empathy in shaping solid relationships, and offer some nuggets of wisdom for those setting foot into new life phases where forming new bonds become crucial, like college. Check out our link for recap of tips for making lifetime friendships.
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Social Media: LPoP
https://www.instagram.com/lastpieceofpiepodcast/
https://www.threads.net/@lastpieceofpiepodcast
https://www.tiktok.com/@last.piece.of.pie?_t=8j0uDxkYoVm&_r=1
Send us your comments or questions and we will answer them on the show!
email - lastpieceofpiepodcast@gmail.com
Have you ever wondered, in this digital age, how to navigate the intricacies of adult friendships? Join us as we venture into this complex world, sharing personal stories and insights, from how our friendship blossomed to how we pulled each other up during challenging times.
We also tackle the big question - can men and women just maintain a platonic friendship? Offering our own perspectives and experiences, we shed light on this often-debated topic. We dig deeper into the roles of social media in friendships and how to foster meaningful connections in an increasingly virtual world. Together, we reflect on the importance of acceptance, respect, and empathy in shaping solid relationships, and offer some nuggets of wisdom for those setting foot into new life phases where forming new bonds become crucial, like college. Check out our link for recap of tips for making lifetime friendships.
https://sites.google.com/view/lastpieceofpie/home
Social Media: LPoP
https://www.instagram.com/lastpieceofpiepodcast/
https://www.threads.net/@lastpieceofpiepodcast
https://www.tiktok.com/@last.piece.of.pie?_t=8j0uDxkYoVm&_r=1
Send us your comments or questions and we will answer them on the show!
email - lastpieceofpiepodcast@gmail.com
Okay, wait, hold on. Jamie's got to swallow. It's been a while.
Speaker 2:Welcome, mel Poppers. This is the last piece of pie. I'm Jen. I'm Mel Mel. Yes, so we've got a lot of questions about how we've become friends. Ah, so I thought we would do a friendship episode. I'm in, okay, so you and I actually are recent friends.
Speaker 1:You always say that, but it's been like a year.
Speaker 2:But that's very recent, in adult years to be a friend.
Speaker 1:Really.
Speaker 2:Yeah, cause I have friends that are 20 plus years, that are that I've known 20 plus years. Okay, I have a few, but not many, so we actually met my neighbor Morgan.
Speaker 1:Morgan, we love you.
Speaker 2:Uh mentioned to our group my neighbor, little neighborhood lady group that she had a cleaning lady who had an opening. So I immediately raised my hand and said, yep, me, it's time me up. So you came over, we talked and it wasn't until after you cleaned my house a couple of times and then you were like are you single, Shut up? I did not. Yes, you did. You're like, here's a picture of my brother. Oh, of course I did. Yeah.
Speaker 1:Trying to sell my brother Yep, and I think you thought I was younger than I was For sure. You do look 10 years younger.
Speaker 2:Thank you, you're welcome and I was like uh, how old is your brother? 32. And then I told you my age and I was like I think he's too young. I like solar women.
Speaker 1:Let's, let's give it a go. Listen, I really want to be an aunt, like I am. I am getting old. I need to be an aunt. You're fine. I need him to get married. I need him to get have kids. He has time. He's always promised me I get to raise those babies. Abby leaves next year. I know I've got nine months.
Speaker 2:Let's go, Dante, get your shit together. Yes, and we'll talk. I'm ready. But then I asked you. You said something about your being divorced and single and I was like, oh then we should hang out instead. Want to be my friend?
Speaker 1:Yeah, and then we hit it off.
Speaker 2:Of course we did yes Instant soulmates, yep.
Speaker 1:And now here we are with the podcast.
Speaker 2:It's perfect.
Speaker 1:And I'm still cleaning up your shit More ways than one Exactly.
Speaker 2:Now you're cleaning up mine too.
Speaker 1:It's a good, healthy friendship. See, it's a give or take. It is Because I think there are challenges.
Speaker 2:I think there are challenges and I've had people ask me about, you know, cultivating adult friendships because I've moved around, I had to make friends, I've lived in different cities. Sometimes you lose friends and end up divorce.
Speaker 1:Oh God, that was the worst part for me.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you lose friends and divorce and then you have to get another circle of friends, which sucks, but it happens.
Speaker 1:It's very natural. When you go through a divorce, your friends are naturally going to pick one side. Yes, it's not because they prefer that side, it's just a natural process. Maybe the husband is more friends with the other husband, vice versa, the wives, whatever kids, and it's just a natural shift. So I would suggest to our listeners try not to take it personal like I did, because it definitely hurt me for a while.
Speaker 2:Yeah it does hurt because those people became your friends and you thought you could weather it, but it always happens.
Speaker 1:It does?
Speaker 2:They're going to gravitate to one person or the other?
Speaker 1:Yeah, there's no middle ground. No, there's not. And don't do it Like if you're trying to find that middle ground, just don't. It's just an unhealthy place to be. Yeah, pick a side.
Speaker 2:You'll have friends that are there for a lifetime, a reason or a season.
Speaker 1:I agree.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah. So I have friends that I met in college. They are my lifetime friends. They will always be there, no matter if we talk ever, they will always be there. No matter if we talk every day or if there's time passes, you'll always have that circle of friends, that inner core, who are your people. And then you're going to go through times in your life, especially after college, and if you move to a different city, you get married or you get divorced, you have to make a new circle of friends. Especially if you've moved, a lot of people sometimes have a difficult time making friends outside of their original circle.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and it is intimidating. It's okay to be nervous. After my divorce I found myself what having nothing right, including friends. I had a few, but I lost a lot. That was one of my biggest things through my divorce is how much I lost after going through what I did and then losing it was really bad. So I had to get brave again and go out and meet new people and I was very intimidated, but I will say it was worth it because I've met some amazing humans. Not that the other humans were bad, but I've met some really good people, even better, I think, less judgmental, more loving, more kind, more full of grace, more willing to help. I mean you showed up today to pay my deck. I mean you were whiny but you still showed up. I mean you, bitch, asked for a knee pad. I was like really, how much dick have you sucked?
Speaker 2:Come on Well let me just say, a wood deck is not as comfortable as a bedroom or maybe some carpet.
Speaker 1:Well, we got tough enough those knees girlfriend. Good night hey.
Speaker 2:I showed up. There was no other male here that showed up. You're right Just saying Thank you.
Speaker 1:Friends always show up. You always show up. I will say that about you, jen. You are a show up kind of friend and that says a lot and I appreciate that and our friendship. You've helped me rip out carpet I mean nasty as carpet. We worked hard that day.
Speaker 2:Yeah, Ripped up some nails, ripped up some carpet girl. You were on your knees that day too. Hell yeah, I ain't no stranger.
Speaker 1:Hey boys, you're welcome. I got her in training. Send all money to cash out, just kidding. Yeah, you were whining that day. Though, too, you're like do you have an?
Speaker 2:extra hammer. You had no tools for the job. That's what I was whining about. Thank you, dad, for teaching me. At least you got to have the proper tools to do the right job.
Speaker 1:I get down there and I'm like well, I got a blow dryer, Maybe we can melt the glue. We'll just pull a shovel. I got a snow shovel.
Speaker 2:We figured it out. Always, I'm a very loyal friend. You are, you're, a great friend, thank you. I appreciate your friendship. Well, I appreciate you because you have definitely helped me in my life of just bringing, carrying an understanding and always being in my corner, so I really appreciate that.
Speaker 1:Love you, love you too. I always got your back. We're a cheerleader.
Speaker 2:That's what I want people to know that friends, no matter how long you've known them or if you're just meeting a new friend, always trust your gut. A friend should always have your back.
Speaker 1:Amen. And listen y'all. We've only been messy once. What'd you say once? Yes, one time, but we were messy once and it was a beautiful thing, because you were probably more messy than I would you say, and I gave you grace and I let it go. In the next morning, before I even like woke up, you were on my phone saying I'm sorry. So I feel like we have to start extending each other grace. We can all can be messy, and nobody's perfect. We all have emotions, we all bad days, we have good days, but the key to a good friendship is extending grace.
Speaker 2:Yes, because you're going to have conflicts as friends, just like in any other relationship, and how you deal with those conflicts with a friend is what's going to set you up for a lifetime of friendship. Is dealing with conflict, knowing as your friend, how it's just like any other relationship. You have to get to know your friend, how they communicate, what's their triggers, what sets them off, what do they need help with, what do they need support with, and you can work through it.
Speaker 1:Because one of my problems is from in the past is that I feel like I've been judged where that's hurt me, and then looking at their lives their lives are just as messy.
Speaker 1:It might be different areas, but we all have mess. No one's perfect and that's what's hurt my heart over the years is that people have judged me during my messy season, which, if you all took the time to get to know me, you would know. I'm sorry, but I deserved my messy season. That is the one thing that I will stand on to this day. I went through hell. So if I had five years of messy, I was going to own it. I finally got to make a decision. Whether it was right or wrong, I was going to make it.
Speaker 2:Yeah you have to let. Sometimes you just have to let your friends learn the hard way. Amen.
Speaker 1:And I did have some friends that were able to like rise next to me and like support them, hot mess. Yeah, ness, like Jamie, she watched it all go down and she's still here. She's actually here with us tonight. She's a little quiet though, it's okay, jamie.
Speaker 2:Hi Jamie. I know how long have you known, jamie, how long have we known each other.
Speaker 1:When did you? I don't know.
Speaker 3:I mean you were a date raccoon man.
Speaker 1:Oh my life.
Speaker 2:I love that his name is raccoon man.
Speaker 1:You were friends with my brother. I didn't know you because a raccoon man.
Speaker 3:No, but that was when we got closer.
Speaker 1:Yeah so that would have been like five years ago.
Speaker 3:So five years ago is when, yeah, I mean I knew of you, but I was always the older Dante.
Speaker 1:So she grew up with Dante, yeah, and then I was hanging out in the lake because I was single and yeah, you were hanging out more with Dante.
Speaker 3:Oh, it makes sense.
Speaker 2:But you guys decided to cultivate a more closer friendship for sure.
Speaker 1:Yeah, start hanging out and wine nights and concerts. Yeah, she brides.
Speaker 2:Do you feel like you both like reciprocated, let's hang out. Like one of you would say hey, let's hang out, and then next time there was always Mel Go ahead, jamie, I'll let you speak.
Speaker 1:You may have my microphone.
Speaker 3:I am not the texture.
Speaker 2:Ah yep, there's friendships that are like that. I'm not the texture either, sometimes, but I'm also one that will be like hey, let's go do this. Yeah, you are yeah.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 1:No, I'm not the texture, but always down when she does text me.
Speaker 2:Okay, yeah, I always think there's a good balance between friends, because there's one person that's kind of the planner and then there's other people that are just like I'll go along with whatever you want to do. Yeah, for sure, but that did bother me. You were never the communicator.
Speaker 1:It still bothers her.
Speaker 2:Exactly, she was that way with me too, so I'm like I can be a go, let go with the flow.
Speaker 3:So she knows if I am not the person that reaches out. If she reaches out, but it's usually a yes, but today you've reached out and I was so proud of you you made me feel so loved.
Speaker 1:It was saying about you, that was telling about you.
Speaker 2:It's about me again.
Speaker 1:Seriously. She reached out and she's like I'm having a bad day and I was like, oh, there's my Jane, look at that vulnerability. Yeah, and that's my heart. I love vulnerability, it's the what's my love language, quality, quality time, right, and I think love languages still revolve around a friendship too.
Speaker 2:They do, because friendships, you have your own love language too, and when you're vulnerable, that's when you really get to know somebody also Right and also can deepen your friendships and your vulnerable and open up to your friends, to be honest.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so and you've gone through some seasons. I've gone through my seasons, mm-hmm. Gone through some dark days, I go. I went through some dating retard phase.
Speaker 3:Camping trips. Sweet Jesus Lord, oh God.
Speaker 1:Yeah, oh God, we're going to leave that one alone.
Speaker 3:We're going to leave that in the grave, yeah, yeah. With the Halloween night.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, so you guys met through your brother.
Speaker 3:Yep.
Speaker 2:And then you and I met through my neighbor.
Speaker 1:Yep.
Speaker 2:So there are different ways that you can meet people. As an adult, Absolutely.
Speaker 1:There's like and there's. I'm not a social media girl, but there's Facebook friend groups right.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, I'm in a kayaking group and I've met so many wonderful people through there because, you know, I knew like two people when I moved to Michigan.
Speaker 1:That is so hard.
Speaker 2:And they were work people. So I had work friends first, and then I started to cultivate outside of work friends, and it was I had to figure out a way to do that because I was also here during COVID, which was you know not a good way to meet friends Right. Thankfully, I had cool neighbors at the time, but I got very lucky with the neighbors I have now.
Speaker 1:You did? You have an amazing group of girls around you.
Speaker 2:I love those ladies, so thank you for taking me in into your little group. They're amazing. So, they are, and you know neighbor friends are always a good way. I went on Facebook I'm on social media so I had an interest in outdoor activities so I was trying to find a group that did it, because I was tired of doing it by myself.
Speaker 1:I love it.
Speaker 2:And I met some amazing people and they have events all the time and it was a great way to like meet people who have similar passion than you.
Speaker 1:Do you remember your Facebook group?
Speaker 2:I think it's like Michigan singles kayaking hiking group on Facebook. Okay, I'd have to look it up for sure, but that's kind of the gist of it.
Speaker 1:But at the end of the day, there's a lot of groups on Facebook that people can join.
Speaker 2:Yes, if you've got, if you want to nerd out you're a Star Wars fan or you whatever photography, there's almost any type of interest that you have. Is that bingo? I like bingo. Oh yeah, I'm guaranteed there's a I guarantee there's a Facebook group of people who meet and that you can join and start meeting friends that way, because the one thing you know that you have in common is that passion or that subject.
Speaker 1:I love that.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:So there is a good side of social media.
Speaker 2:Yes, especially if you're an introvert and have a hard time meeting people. At least you know that if you have a passion for gaming or if you have a passion for whatever, you're gonna be like-minded people. So you know, you have already one thing in common that you can talk about.
Speaker 1:Okay, maybe there's hope for me with the social media.
Speaker 2:Yes, it's not the devil.
Speaker 1:Do you know why I hate social media?
Speaker 2:Well, I think you kind of mentioned it in a past episode, but remind, our listeners, because my ex wouldn't let me have it. Right, he said it was the devil yeah, not to be and it wasn't even that big back then. It wasn't, and then he was Back then we mean by like 1990 to early 2000. Oh yeah, and there was one point.
Speaker 1:Like he was out of the country he traveled like for like five years. He was gone like every other month, so I would only see him a half time, you know, half the year. How did you guys communicate when he was gone? Skype, oh shoot yeah.
Speaker 2:I remember Skype. It was a long time ago.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, so I ended up creating a Facebook page while he was gone.
Speaker 3:Is that what you call it? A?
Speaker 1:Facebook page, Okay. And then I ended up creating a Facebook page is that what you call it a Facebook page? And he came back home and I just I got the wrath and I had to delete it and I lost all my friends and I think, more importantly, like I was just so embarrassed to be like people were like, why are you off Facebook already? You're missing the kids? And I just had to hide. It was something else I had to hide and so maybe one day I'll get back. I am on TikTok, which is easier for me because it's nobody I know. So you know he put in the fear of me like you would fall in love with people you knew, Like you'd have affairs with people, but at the end of the day, everyone's like you know what. He just wanted you to himself, because if anyone ever got to me, I would learn that what I was going through was bad.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:And I was like, why was so isolated? So that's why I wasn't allowed on social media.
Speaker 2:Do you feel like you didn't have many friends either because of that?
Speaker 1:I had one girlfriend, julie. Julie and I were very, very tight and we actually had a falling out after my divorce when I was at a hot mess. And then because her heart was so broken to watch me be broken for so many years and we were friends like 15 years close, so her heart was so broken to watch me go through that and then for me to get free but still choose brokenness, it was very hard for her to sit back and watch that. And at one point she ends up writing me, like this eight page letter, that there was some truth in it, there was some emotions, which emotions sometimes kind of make things messier, right, or maybe a little untruthful. And I remember not getting mad, I remember just telling myself keep the letter, because one day you'll read this and you'll see she was right and I kept it.
Speaker 1:But our friendship died and it was gone for about four years and we just reconnected. It's been beautiful and it's like we picked up right where we left off. I saw her in an open house and it was big hugs and it was just like, hey, listen, I'm better now. I've taken the time to heal. I'm sorry for the pain I've caused you. That's one part of my healing journey is I'm responsible for my part period and so, yeah, we made up and now she's back and it's beautiful and it's like we never missed a beat.
Speaker 2:Yeah, because I feel like that's a test of a true friend, because they have your good intentions at heart and even though you may not be able to see it at the time, but when you reconnected, that's still a true friendship, right there.
Speaker 1:Yeah, we had respect for one another. She respected my mess, I respected her truth, and then it was at the end of the day, love wins, and that's why I've always said love always wins period.
Speaker 2:My friends know me. I always call out when they're not being.
Speaker 1:Do you see that side eye, Jane?
Speaker 3:She definitely gave you that eye. She does that.
Speaker 1:I tell everyone, El Poppers, that side eye is like a light fucking saber, my face cannot hide people.
Speaker 2:I cannot hide my face. I don't have to say that, yes, I know you call me out, but I also call my other friends out and your true friends will always be your friend when you call them out, because they know it's coming from a place of love, because they'll also call me out on my stuff.
Speaker 1:All right.
Speaker 2:And I don't take it personally. They don't take it personally. You just know that you're just trying to make each other better.
Speaker 1:I love that. That's a good friendship.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so what would you say to Abby, because she's going off to college and she's probably going to have to make new friends? What advice would you give her?
Speaker 1:What advice I'd give to make new friends. I would say first, don't be judgmental. Yeah, allow people to be themselves, accept people for themselves and love people where they're at. If you can do those things, you are the greatest friend on Earth.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and you're not going to connect with everybody, but you will connect with the right people that are supposed to be your people if you follow those rules.
Speaker 1:What's meant for you will be for you. It will not pass you by period and if it's gone like I learned with Jules, if it's gone for a season, it does come back around. If you would have asked me five years ago if we would have came back around, I would have been like, oh no, she's angry with me and she had a right to be. I mean, I was a mess and it was hard, like she was still married to a lot of children. She saw this beautiful life and my life fell apart and we all know that hot mess, divorce after divorce season Hot mess whole season.
Speaker 1:Woo girl. Unless you've been there, you have no idea. And one of the best advice I ever got was get ready, because once you file, it's like your shit loses its mind and no one can explain it. No one could tell me what was going to happen, but everyone said one day you'll snap and you'll wake up and you'll realize I'm done. And that's exactly. I still remember the day I was driving home with a raccoon boy From a date Seriously and I pulled into the driveway and he was like are you going to come in? I was like no. He's. Like what do you mean? No, no, I'm done.
Speaker 2:Done.
Speaker 1:And it was like someone flipped the switch and I knew what I knew and I knew what I wanted to be and I got back on my feet and I was just like this isn't for me. I finally get it. This is not where I'm supposed to be, and my dad had to go pick up my stuff for the 18th time. Oh, that's the guy that got. Yes, that's what I'm saying. Oh, that's the. Yeah, I know, I told you just have my sex breath.
Speaker 2:The breakup episode, where it was 25 times. Oh raccoon boy is wow, All right, that explains a lot now.
Speaker 1:Yep, which is so funny because I just met this guy and we were talking and he said that he dated somebody that he never would have thought he would have dated. He dated a Pakistani woman after his divorce and he's like I never dated different cultures and I said it's OK, like maybe you found that was for you, maybe you found it wasn't for you, but you tried new things. I tried a raccoon guy.
Speaker 2:Well, I think you explore different people and different friendships as you get older, because you get to know yourself more. You get to know what you're about and what works for you. So I think you do change, although there's people like my friends that are the I'm the closest to. We met in college, but we've all kind of grown up together and we've all kind of grown together. Now there's a couple of them like we lost touch, but as soon as we got back together it was like time never passed.
Speaker 1:I love that.
Speaker 2:So you just know, those are your people.
Speaker 1:You've had James, you've had friends for decades.
Speaker 3:I have high school friends.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:Yep, I've got two elementary friends and some high school friends. I don't have many college friends, but I think that I didn't put myself out there. So when you were giving advice to Abby, I think one of the things is to get involved, like do the events, do the dorm events, get in a sorority? I mean it doesn't even have to be a sorority, because some people don't like that. Yeah, I didn't do. They don't like the clickiness.
Speaker 2:I didn't do the sorority but I made such good friends, like my first year in the dorm, and then, just through classes that I had, we did study groups or whatever. So don't be afraid to do the study group, don't be afraid to do the dorm activities.
Speaker 1:Abby and Jen said don't be afraid to do the study group. Just so you heard. And Jen said do not be afraid to do the study group.
Speaker 2:Yes, you're going to need those people, believe me.
Speaker 3:Yeah, but I think the best ones are the like we talked about a little bit earlier. There's friends for a reason, friends for a season, and then there's also lifetime friends. But I think the lifetime friends, when you find them, they're the ones that you might not talk to every day, but the minute you text them they're there.
Speaker 1:Yeah absolutely so I think in the end, I think a friend I think all three categories are lumped together right Like Jamie has had a reason in my life, she's had a season in my life, but she's also my lifetime friend and I think, in order to get to that lifetime friendship, I have to give Jamie Grace when it's just a reason, when it's just a season, when it's just for me, when it's just for her, and then eventually you look back and you find that you have a lifelong friend.
Speaker 3:Yes, yeah, I think without the grace, then they only become a season. Yeah, that's key.
Speaker 2:Yeah, Because I've had a person or two that they were just there for a season and looking back, I was very upset when we were not friends. But then when I kind of look at the big picture, I'm like you know what? They were only there for that period of time and I don't need their friendship anymore. They were kind of there for whatever reason and then moved on.
Speaker 1:So I have had the same thing and it still bothers me. Does it bother you?
Speaker 2:that I'm not there, not anymore.
Speaker 1:Why doesn't it bother you?
Speaker 2:I think because when I look at how we met and then how the friendship was, I outgrew them, or maybe they outgrew me and we were just there to help each other along to get where we needed to be, and then after that I don't need them anymore Because I still have my core group of friends that will always be there. It was sad and probably for a couple of months afterwards I was kind of like why can't we figure this out, like why can't we still be friends? But then after a while, when I kind of subjectively looked at it, I was like okay, no, they were just there for that particular reason and I grew and now they're not really there to help me along anymore.
Speaker 1:It's very mature.
Speaker 2:I am sometimes.
Speaker 1:I'm proud of you. My I still. It still bothers me. Why does it?
Speaker 2:How does it bother you?
Speaker 1:I think, because I'm the one that, like, always gives. And so in those I'm thinking in my head, and these two friendships that were decade friendships, I knew in my heart if I stopped giving the friendship would die. It was a one way street, so they weren't matching your energy as a friendship.
Speaker 2:No.
Speaker 1:And and I and so I test the waters, right, yeah, and they died and I may go back like a year or so we'll go by and I'll go back and think, oh, I'll try again, and then nothing happens. And that's just like my heart sad, just because I'm such a big lover, like I'm like I don't understand, but I guess you're right, he's since over and either one of us out were each other or whatever.
Speaker 2:But it's all done.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Because, as a friendship, you, you have to reach out there's. It can't be always one sided.
Speaker 1:Right, you got to come over and paint the deck once in a while.
Speaker 2:I mean come on.
Speaker 1:I'm a single mom over here I'm drowning. Come stroke your brush and so have someone's ego. Sugar daddy, your ego is over. She's stroking the paintbrush now.
Speaker 3:Right.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Cause I would only do that for you, Mel. I never do that for a man.
Speaker 1:I love you, thank you. We kicked butt today. We did proud of us. Jamie was there too. She was encouragement.
Speaker 3:I was, you did great.
Speaker 1:Yeah you, she fed us wine.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and Jamie's a little bit younger than us. So my question to Jamie, putting a Jamie on the spot is do you feel like cause you're early 30s, right, yes? Do you feel like people around your age have a difficult time making friendships now, or do you think that it's easy for you guys to make friendships?
Speaker 3:I think me personally. I don't have a hard time, but I'm also very social.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:When it comes to like a women's golf league, a sand volleyball league. Like I, go out and do things to put myself in the position to meet friends. Awesome, but it also might not be like I also have friends of very wide age ranges. Yeah, easy with the wide. You weren't a part of that. Wide Easy, you know.
Speaker 2:So you're very social.
Speaker 3:Yes, no, can be.
Speaker 2:Can be very social.
Speaker 1:Which is funny is cause she is social but she's so introverted.
Speaker 2:Well, introverts can be social. They're social, but they get their energy from being by themselves, not around people.
Speaker 3:That's why I said Abby is me. She's your child Because extroverts Monday night golf league and a Wednesday night volleyball league. And then I go and get dinner with a friend on Thursday like Friday. If someone texts me, I'm like no.
Speaker 2:I'm done. I can't do it yeah.
Speaker 3:Like, give me 24 hours and then Saturday I'll be ready to go and Sunday I can do a Sunday fun day with you, and then Monday I've got golf league and Tuesday you're not going to see me Introverts.
Speaker 2:You need an extrovert friend, because us extroverts, we love people and we get our energy from being people. And when we spend too much time alone, that's when we get really sad and like depressed and our energy is like waiting. Where introverts are opposite. They can be social, but they, in order to recharge their batteries, they need to be alone. They have to have their own time.
Speaker 1:So I wonder if there's a correlation between extroverts and their love language being quality time.
Speaker 2:Well, I have quality time as my Do you. Yeah.
Speaker 1:Because that's me Like. If you invest in me, girl, I am loved, for, like you paying my deck today, you filled my bucket for a month.
Speaker 2:Oh, we'll see. Acts of service is my other way of love language, so yeah, but it was quality time.
Speaker 1:You're talking to me, you're talking about your life, you're asking me questions, like it was just good.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:You know like I need that deep.
Speaker 2:I know because we got to do our hinge double date.
Speaker 1:So oh shit, Jamie's going to be on that episode too. When we talk about online dating, the do's and the don'ts- yeah. Will I do it? Yes.
Speaker 2:Will.
Speaker 1:Jamie, finally get me to get on hinge.
Speaker 2:You are on hinge, are you not on hinge? No, you're not.
Speaker 1:I'm working on it. She's working on me still.
Speaker 2:We'll get her there. Okay, we're getting you there.
Speaker 1:One day.
Speaker 2:One day.
Speaker 1:You never know, We'll see. Stay tuned. El Papers.
Speaker 2:Right. Well, thank you, Jamie, for contributing to our podcast today. We kind of put you on the spot.
Speaker 1:That's right. I've never done that.
Speaker 3:This is why introverts need extroverted friends.
Speaker 2:Yes, absolutely. And last question do you think guys and girls can be just friends?
Speaker 1:Hell, no, no.
Speaker 2:Not at all.
Speaker 1:Absolutely not Like a zero chance, zero chance.
Speaker 2:Why do you believe that?
Speaker 1:Because men are created to be hunters period. They are hunters period. The only thing they want to do is hunt, kill and eat it. That's it, ladies. I'm sorry, but the pie they want, the pie they do so and no matter, I'm sorry, no matter what, there will be a point. I promise you all. I have your friends drink two bottles of my homemade wine. Yeah, I'll test this out right now. Let's just fix this for everyone in America. I will open up my home. We'll give every boy, girl that are friends two bottles of wine. They can sit, netflix and chill and I guarantee by the end of the night they're not friends anymore.
Speaker 2:So here's my thoughts. You can be friends with a guy if you've never slept with him.
Speaker 2:Yeah, until you do, because eventually they will. Eventually they're always going to try at least one time. But your friendship can last as long as the girl is in control of that, and then, if the girl shoots it down and he is okay with it, you can still be friends with that guy. I have one friend. I have a friend I've known since high school, hi Joe. We partied a lot after high school. Actually, in college we worked at the same job and he made his move one time.
Speaker 2:So I shot him down and ever since then we have still been the best of friends, because we have never slept with each other, because I shot him down immediately and I said nope. I said we are friends, that's it, and he said okay, end of story.
Speaker 1:Okay, so this is where my mind goes and it could be wrong because of my history. Right For me. If I was Joe's girlfriend and I knew he tried and he wanted to and you all were still friends, I would be uncomfortable with that.
Speaker 2:Well, that's probably why he stopped talking to me for 10 years once he married his wife, because she was super jealous of me.
Speaker 1:So I'm not abnormal, that's a normal thing.
Speaker 2:I was very upset with him because we never slept together, so she had no reason to be jealous.
Speaker 1:Well, yeah, she did. He wanted to sleep with you. That'd be a reason to be jealous.
Speaker 2:But it happened about three years before he met her.
Speaker 1:I don't care, he still wanted the pussy, not after I shut him down.
Speaker 2:It never came up ever again.
Speaker 1:That's because you cut off the man's balls.
Speaker 2:Of course he still wanted to, but he's the one that he married, not me.
Speaker 1:Because you said no, this is how her thing no.
Speaker 2:I said no sex. He had all kinds of sex with her and then married her and then she's like you can't talk to Jen anymore. Um.
Speaker 1:I agree with her.
Speaker 2:No, I don't.
Speaker 1:I do?
Speaker 3:What do you think? I Think you're gonna ask two people in cold hearts.
Speaker 1:Yeah, this is fucking.
Speaker 2:Okay, I Think, if you guys, I agree.
Speaker 3:Yeah, we've never slept together, then she just needs to settle with the fact that she was a chosen one.
Speaker 2:Yes, 100% can have a girlfriend. Yeah, like his girlfriend now when?
Speaker 3:you know issues already. Yeah, though, yeah, she was not, she was not the right person for him to marry.
Speaker 1:So they got divorced.
Speaker 2:Yeah, he's dated other people. The girlfriend he has now has he tried to date you since the divorce hell no no never Interesting. I mean what's?
Speaker 3:the difference between that and someone who works with a male and calls them their Work husband right Yep True.
Speaker 1:I don't know. Ladies, remember I've been, I was in the cave for 20 years full of lies, so like I really don't know what's appropriate, yeah.
Speaker 3:I think it's very hard, but it's not hard because of the guy and girl who are friends. It ends up always being the significant other in the guy's relationship that causes faults in that guy and girl friendship.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think there's sometimes jealousy when there shouldn't be Now. Now sometimes the best relationship starts out as friends. But it's a mutual decision Afterwards, right.
Speaker 1:I agree that and that's what I want at the end of the day. Yeah, I want to be friends and then yeah.
Speaker 2:I mean, I've tried to stay. I've had guys ask me to be friends after we've, whatever. It's only worked out like one time, the other all the other times, as soon as they start dating somebody else or you start dating somebody else, your friendship is over. I don't know if you can do it like not after you slept with somebody.
Speaker 1:No, even if you didn't sleep with somebody like I Don't know, like once I meet my soulmate, like I don't want to share, like I've gone this long without him, like I am so looking forward to the day that I finally get him, I'm not gonna want to share. And it's not gonna because I'm jealous. It's just gonna be because I've longed for this moment my whole entire life and I've only have 40 years left to enjoy it. I ain't fucking sharing.
Speaker 2:Was that about sharing? It's just.
Speaker 3:But maybe some of those girls view it as sharing yeah that's true.
Speaker 1:I'm not sharing, like you don't get his time, you don't get his text, like if he has any free time because, wait, we're all grown-ups, we're all busy of all kids. I don't have enough time to have enough time to text you or you or pour into these two Relationships. Yeah, that man. If he's got three extra minutes, I better begin it all.
Speaker 2:What if well, you're and I is age. Now they have an ex who they have a good co-parenting relationship with and have to share time, and to me that's very healthy if they do have a very healthy co-parenting. So how are you gonna? How to deal with that? Or is that a separate bucket, because they're more of an ex well, and they have a kid?
Speaker 1:Yeah, probably is different, definitely separate bucket. And you know me, I'm a big kid advocate.
Speaker 1:Yeah like I love babies and I want babies to grow up healthy and whole, because I feel like if we fix the next generation, we fix the world, and so if we can start to co-parent together and build a healthy child Whether it's co-parenting meaning the girlfriend comes along and we're all trigger treating together, whatever it is like, I would rather see that dynamic of healthy versus fighting. The kid has to go two hours here. Trigger treating the kid goes there two hours. Trigger treating like quit torturing the damn kid. Yeah, like swallow your pride, walk with your boyfriend or girlfriend behind each other, watch the kid run to house to house and get over yourself. You know what I mean. Like that I could get. Like being friends with the ex on Facebook and like liking or posts and stuff. That might be a red flag for me.
Speaker 2:Yeah, me too, probably, because it's like why do you feel like you still have to do that? They're not in your orbit anymore cut the ties like my post instead.
Speaker 1:Right, yeah, right.
Speaker 2:You, my Instagram champion, damn it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you can't be both. You can't, you can't be both anymore right. So there, you agree with me, there I'm not crazy, I do.
Speaker 2:Okay, I mean social media can get you in hot water pretty fast.
Speaker 1:So well, that's another reason why I don't like it.
Speaker 2:But yeah, well, el Poppers, tell us your opinion. Do you agree or not? Agree with us that men and women can be friends? And El Poppers, get out of your comfort zone, meet new people. You never know who's gonna be your next best friend.
Speaker 1:It could be a client.
Speaker 2:It could. Mel started out. I started as Mel's client, and now Look at us.
Speaker 1:I know, paint my deck bitch please.
Speaker 2:Spill in our lives over wine.
Speaker 1:That's right, and thanks, jamie Jewel. I love you. Jamie El Poppers, hit me up on Instagram. I want to hear about your lives. Email us last piece of pie podcast at gmailcom.
Speaker 2:Yep Peace out, love y'all.