Have you ever been hoodwinked by a charmer in the dating scene? We, Jen and Mel, have walked the same shaky ground, and we're here to share our own journey through the labyrinth of love and deception. This episode is packed with stories of our misadventures in dating, including that time we were both beguiled by the same man who cleverly used insomnia as an excuse to dodge commitment. We unravel his tactics and learn the essential lesson of valuing honesty and consistent communication in relationships.
Finally what is the final etiquette of social media in your relationships. We dive into that too, dissecting a toxic argument over following exes online. We talk about how manipulative tactics can be used to dodge responsibility and the importance of setting boundaries. Hear about our personal choice of abstaining from sex for two months, a challenge we took up to avoid falling back into unwholesome dynamics. This episode is a vivid reminder of the significance of empathy, understanding, and ending relationships with grace and kindness.
Social Media: LPoP
https://www.instagram.com/lastpieceofpiepodcast/
https://www.threads.net/@lastpieceofpiepodcast
https://www.tiktok.com/@last.piece.of.pie?_t=8j0uDxkYoVm&_r=1
Send us your comments or questions and we will answer them on the show!
email - lastpieceofpiepodcast@gmail.com
Have you ever been hoodwinked by a charmer in the dating scene? We, Jen and Mel, have walked the same shaky ground, and we're here to share our own journey through the labyrinth of love and deception. This episode is packed with stories of our misadventures in dating, including that time we were both beguiled by the same man who cleverly used insomnia as an excuse to dodge commitment. We unravel his tactics and learn the essential lesson of valuing honesty and consistent communication in relationships.
Finally what is the final etiquette of social media in your relationships. We dive into that too, dissecting a toxic argument over following exes online. We talk about how manipulative tactics can be used to dodge responsibility and the importance of setting boundaries. Hear about our personal choice of abstaining from sex for two months, a challenge we took up to avoid falling back into unwholesome dynamics. This episode is a vivid reminder of the significance of empathy, understanding, and ending relationships with grace and kindness.
Social Media: LPoP
https://www.instagram.com/lastpieceofpiepodcast/
https://www.threads.net/@lastpieceofpiepodcast
https://www.tiktok.com/@last.piece.of.pie?_t=8j0uDxkYoVm&_r=1
Send us your comments or questions and we will answer them on the show!
email - lastpieceofpiepodcast@gmail.com
It was. I did not know what his intentions were going to be true or not. And now we're getting off topic. This is a whole other podcast about. A guy is talking to Mel that I went out with, so stay tuned for.
Speaker 2:El.
Speaker 1:Papers. For that one, welcome, el Papers. This is last piece of pie. I'm Jen, I'm Mel and we are 26 days away from Christmas. People, I can't wait, just get your shopping done.
Speaker 2:I'm so excited. I love Christmas. It's like my favorite holiday.
Speaker 1:It's starting to be mine. I used to love Halloween a lot. Christmas was second for me.
Speaker 2:I already bought you a gift.
Speaker 1:Look at you go.
Speaker 2:I know I can't wait. You're going to laugh. So listen, love. I've got to put you on the hot seat because my mind is just a mess and we're recording tonight, so I'm like, what do I got to lose? And El Papers know that I'm here and I'm honest, and we're doing this based on mistakes and learning and growing, and I've made some mistakes this week and I definitely need to tell you about them. So is this what?
Speaker 1:I think it's about from two episodes ago, when you mentioned that there was a guy you were dating that I had dated Yep, okay.
Speaker 2:Remember El Papers. Jen said get ready.
Speaker 1:Here we are, here we are.
Speaker 2:So why don't you tell El Papers how you guys met and your story on dating this human?
Speaker 1:Okay, so it was three months ago-ish, yeah, october-ish somewhere around there, because my parents were around. So it was like October. We met on hinge, exchanged a couple dating app, exchanged a couple messages, met real quick for like an hour, hit it off. We had a second date. Second date was great. It went to like country concert thing and yeah, we just continued to talk every day. We probably had I don't know four or five dates. I thought he was a good guy.
Speaker 2:And he was adamant. Do you remember? In the beginning? Like he was, like I want you were traveling to go to Florida and he was like I want to see you before you leave and he wanted to see you as soon as you got back. And he was calling all the time and texting all the time.
Speaker 1:He was very consistent with his communication, which I liked because I'm a big person on. You have to be consistent with your communication.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you think you like it until you, until I tell you why he was doing that.
Speaker 1:Oh shit, no, Okay. So I don't know. I think he was kind of a bivouist. We had dinner. He came over, oh yeah, he came to my house, I think. We went out to dinner and then came back to my house and I was like spend the night. We hooked up about 10 minutes into, like laying in bed together. He was on his phone and I'm like everything okay, like what's going on, and he said something about his kids.
Speaker 2:You gotta tell the audience. I mean, it's like one o'clock in the morning.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, it's like after midnight, yeah, so close to after midnight, just after midnight, I'm like what? Here's kids at Roldor and I'm like what do your kids need, Whatever? Five minutes later he's like I have insomnia, I can't sleep. He's like I'm going to go, Gets up, gets dressed. And he's like I'll text you when I get home. And I'm like okay, bye, Okay.
Speaker 2:So now that I know what I know, I can tell you that he does not have insomnia. He has no problem sleeping. Oh, I have no.
Speaker 1:I had no one to help. That was a lie. I'm not stupid, big lie, I'm not dumb. I knew something was up. So I know I just went to sleep, woke up, didn't see a text from him. So I was like yo, are you alive? Did you make it home? And he's like yep, sorry, he's like I'll call you. This afternoon I had already had a gut feeling like something was up, because you just kind of know when somebody does that. So he'd called me and said something like there's something missing, like I don't think this is not going to work out and I don't want you to fall for me any harder.
Speaker 2:Oh my God, the man is so cocky so I'm breaking up with you. It makes me sick and he has no reason to be cocky and I was like, okay, did you like not figure this out?
Speaker 1:like before we slept together? Thanks so much for that. And he was like no, it's not that about that at all. He's like I was just laying there and I just felt like I needed to feel like this certain way. And I didn't feel this certain way laying there with you and I'm like Jesus Christ. I'm like, okay, thanks, dude, appreciate the call, see you later. There's no other reason why to continue this conversation. Yeah, goodbye. And I actually had to introduce to you guys because while we were dating, because you needed help at your house.
Speaker 2:He's electrician.
Speaker 1:He came over, he was actually very helpful Towards you with that, which appreciate it right, helping my girl out, which you should do if I ask you and your contractor right so you guys had met yeah, he came to the house and gave me a bit and then Then you guys like stopped talking. Yeah, I think I called you like later that day and I was like you won't believe what just happened, told you all about it and yeah, and then I never spoke to him again after that. Didn't really need to no, absolutely not.
Speaker 2:So. He's doing work around the house, blah, blah, blah and, like I just noticed, his demeanor has changed towards me. It's kind of flirty. It's kind of like side hugs and I'm thinking what the hell, like I've had a general contractor before, they ain't hugging me.
Speaker 1:I've never had a contractor.
Speaker 2:hug me, I'm like why are we doing this? Yeah, and then he I keep my mind is so fried right now, so like the details are not gonna be perfect in my mind because I'm so livid but he basically said, hey, listen, I'm interested. And I was like, well, wait, I need to want, I need to talk to you because I was not interested, right, I had not had that in my mind at all and I thought, no way, like if you're not comfortable with this, I'm not doing that, that's absolutely not and so you told me about it and you had told me you guys had been chatting as friends and then it kind of started being more flirty and I had concerns.
Speaker 2:Do you remember that one podcast that I, that we did, and I said I just want to be friends first, yep.
Speaker 1:Interesting, I know, and I thought okay, maybe this is a good opportunity for Mel to be friends for a while with somebody first. But you didn't wait long enough.
Speaker 2:I hope you like yeah, we were friends for what like a month and yeah, and yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I had major concerns for you, you did because I don't have a good gut feeling. No, I did not trust that his intentions Were good right. You know everybody's probably gonna be like oh, friend code, girl code which there is. There is a friend code, there's a girl code. But I don't think I felt like we didn't him and I didn't date long enough To have like a friend code and we had the friend code.
Speaker 2:like I asked you, and if you were like, no, I'd be uncomfortable, because I was like girl, well, like we got a double date, like, if you're gonna be uncomfortable, we can't do this right.
Speaker 1:I don't ever want to stop somebody if they, if that person ends up being like their love of your life. And they weren't for me. But at the same time I was like, eh, I Don't know girl. I don't know if his intentions are true. He knows we're best friends. He's listened to the podcast.
Speaker 2:I'm like I don't know and what did I see it. Your own caution. And what I say? I'm worried that he just wants to sleep with the two girls on the podcast.
Speaker 1:Yep, that was my, and thought.
Speaker 2:Yes, so we started dating. It was my birthday and he took me away for the weekend and spent a crap ton of money and was such a gentleman and I was not going to sleep with him.
Speaker 1:Yes, I remember this.
Speaker 2:Why wasn't I going to sleep with them?
Speaker 1:I'm Jen. Well, because Bell and I had decided that we were doing no nut November and no dick December. Yep, and we had a bet on the line for this purpose and it was not sleep with somebody too fast. Yes, because we're tired of getting slow down tired every time slow it down. Yeah, yep, so I was like you got a purse on the line, lady.
Speaker 2:Better not sleep with them, yeah and he knew that and I asked him to respect that and he was like totally good with that. He's like we can, you know, make it to 2024. No worries, yeah. And then at dinner that night, he told me he loved me. Oh my, yeah, date number. What? Three, four, maybe Like two, barely three. Yeah, told me he loved me.
Speaker 1:Oh, that's kind of that is now love by me when I look at it.
Speaker 2:Absolutely, and that is why I wanted to talk to you, because that is one of the mistakes I made, and I'm One. I'm irritated that I'm still attracting these men to. I'm irritated that I don't cut it off. I knew it. I second guess myself. I even called you and asked you Do you think he loved Bob you at all? And you're like no, he's a great guy. I'm like I, I'm feeling loved by him. He was very aggressive, quick to be. I love you, spent every minute with me staying at my house.
Speaker 1:Well, see, I didn't know he was there as much as he was. I felt like the love bombing happened like after your birthday, but maybe your birthday was the start of it.
Speaker 2:It was well, that was our first time together. Yeah, after that is when he stayed at my house oh, it was after my birthday, okay and he spent like that whole week.
Speaker 1:Oh, he spent the whole week here, whole week. He never left. Oh my God, I know that. Yeah, oh, yeah, oh shit, yep.
Speaker 2:Oh, my God, it was. I love you. You're amazing. You're everything to me, what You're the best thing that's ever happened in my life. I can't sleep without you. I can't be without you. I'm having withdrawals, I'm coming over, I'm having withdrawals, no girl.
Speaker 1:Oh my God, after two days I'd be like get the fuck out of my house. I need my space.
Speaker 2:Yeah, well, and I wanted to. At one point. There was a night that I was like I just want to be alone.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Because I wanted to process what was happening. And that's what they do, they love bomb you so hard that you can't process and figure shit out, true? Because, and he and I couldn't, I haven't knew you had this pattern before Absolutely fucking Lulee.
Speaker 1:That's what I attract.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's disgusting to me and I'm like but now I'm more mad at myself. Now I'm like I know what the warning signs are. Yeah, I should have been. When he told me he loved me. I should have been like that's weird, you don't know me.
Speaker 1:Right, it's the I love you within, like the first couple weeks. It's gifts. It's like, let me, let me take care of you. Like oh yeah, okay, it's exactly what he did, yep.
Speaker 2:And I fell for it.
Speaker 1:Now I see it.
Speaker 2:And I'm like, why? Because in my heart I don't feel desperate. But I'm like why am I so desperate that when someone says I love you, you're the one I'm like, yay this is it I have to quit Like and I'm hurt today, but I'm more angry but I am freaking hurt. Yeah, it always hurts. I wanted him to be the one. I enjoyed our time. How could I not? Everything was perfect, right. He would match my energy If I was like I love the color blue. He's like me too.
Speaker 1:Oh, so like pretending, you guys liked the same stuff.
Speaker 2:To a T oh Like his hobbies. Now are my hobbies.
Speaker 1:Oh see, that would be a big red flag.
Speaker 2:Huge red flag, yeah, but here's me in Lolloland. He loves me Disneyland. I'm back.
Speaker 1:So do you think, maybe, that you kind of seek outside validation for love instead of inside validation first? So when somebody's like I love you, you're like, yes, this is everything I've ever wanted in my life, instead of what? Instead of being like I'm an amazing person. Of course, you love me, but I love myself and you don't know me enough, so we're gonna slow this down a lot, yeah, and I need to get to know you. And you don't say it back, you just say, ok, thanks, Red flag.
Speaker 2:Yeah, like when he wanted to take me away from my birthday, I was like I didn't want to go. There was a part of me was like you should not be doing this. It's too soon, you do not need to be in a hotel room with this guy. You don't even know him and it was just like but we were friends. He worked here, His kids have been here. Like it just seemed like everything was perfect.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah.
Speaker 2:Everything is perfect. It seemed perfect. And then he told me he loved me and then, of course, that night we slept together, yeah. And then a few days went on, and then he told me he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. Oh, that's heavy, and it was like this big moment. And here's me. Oh my gosh, really, finally I met my prince.
Speaker 1:Oh my god, I was so happy, see that's maybe the difference between you and I, because I wouldn't believe anything. I don't believe it. I would not believe. I don't even believe the guy I had a couple of days with now and I've told him that, but he shows up. I only believe actions. I don't believe words anymore.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I love that, because now looking back, his actions didn't line up with his words at all.
Speaker 1:No, and they don't. He's like a runner, he's a runner Drops his bombs and then runs away.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so he's like I love you and spend the rest of my life with you, and like at a family event, at one of his family events.
Speaker 1:God, you guys hung out with families too.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, he brought, he wanted me to come over and Thanksgiving I was like that's, oh, I didn't think I should do with that. And then I sure enough I did Sure enough More mistakes and I'm like seriously, I'm like writing down my mistakes and this dating oh a little self-reflection for later. I got to this is got one. I'm done Like I never want to date again, like I just want to become a hermit at this point, like I. You said that so many times. I know I'm hiding this time. I hate that.
Speaker 1:I'm just going to like replay clips of our podcast. Whenever you're like, oh, he's so cute, I'm going to be like Mel, nope, remember what you said. Play, hit, play, play back the tape.
Speaker 2:Yeah, exactly, so we have this beautiful moment together and the next day he can't remember it.
Speaker 1:Oh, he has amnesia. Yeah, yeah, what but he?
Speaker 2:remembers the whole entire night and claims he didn't drink that much, but now, all of a sudden, he does not remember doing that.
Speaker 1:I have amnesia when it comes to I want to spend my life together with you. But I remember every other word I said Exactly. Oh, ok, selective amnesia.
Speaker 2:So I was upset about that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I wasn't OK with it and I tried to communicate with him a few times on it and he would just disregard my feelings, like totally, just ignore me. Like I would send him a text and be like, hey, listen, I'm trying really hard, because you and I have talked about that I'm trying hard to communicate my feelings. Yeah, so I would send a text, I'm trying to communicate my feelings. This really has bothered me, that you told me that you want to spend the rest of your life with me, but now you can't remember. But there's no like, well, of course I do.
Speaker 1:There's no like acknowledgment. Oh, ok, yeah, I said that, but I'm sorry. Whatever it was in the moment.
Speaker 2:There was nothing.
Speaker 1:No, no acknowledgment whatsoever.
Speaker 2:No closure, no nothing. And so I'm thinking does he, does he not Like what happened, like this is just weird.
Speaker 1:So did he say it while you guys were drinking? Yeah, ok.
Speaker 2:But he definitely was not drunk. I mean, we're with his mom and dad and sisters and stuff.
Speaker 1:OK, he won't acknowledge your texts or questions about it, right, so?
Speaker 2:I send the text and he says I love that you share your feelings with me. Where did you get that from? Jen, our podcast, yep, yep. Didn't dare to say what the issue was. He's the podcast again. And now I'm like now I just don't have a good feeling. I just I'm upset that day and, to rewind, he already knew how I felt about social media and so he kind of hid Snapchat for me for a while. And then I was like you have Snapchat. And he's like yeah, I'm sorry, but if you're a 50 year old man you don't need Snapchat. He's like well, I just snap my friend, my guy friend. Okay, well, that could be a red flag too.
Speaker 1:You're only Snapchatting like one guy friend. Come on, no, sorry, something that's fishy. Like I have Snapchat and my college girlfriends and I use it all the time for like dumb shit. So we don't like take each other's storage up for our photos, but that's also how my nieces and nephews communicate. They only use freaking Snapchat. I can't even get him to text, but that's different.
Speaker 2:Right, you're not a 50 year old man with grown children. Right and claiming you only text one male friend Right.
Speaker 1:I can understand if his sons were like using it to communicate with them, because that's that generation, but didn't sound like it, nope.
Speaker 2:So I look, I did speak up and I said, well, I'm uncomfortable with that. You know where I stand with social media. You've listened to the podcast and I'm I'm not okay with it. And he's like, that's fine, I'll delete it. He, he deletes it. And he's like I deleted social media. I was like okay, and I was like, well, why, why would you delete Instagram? Like, you use it for work, you need it. And I was like that doesn't you know? That's not an issue unless, like, you're following your exes or something you know. Yeah, and he's like he knew how he felt, he knew my boundaries. I don't think you should be following your ex period.
Speaker 1:No, and that's so funny. So I looked this. I looked up some social media etiquette and after we had talked this morning about it and there was a couple articles from some dating coaches and, like an etiquette expert, they all said that you should unfollow or mute or, if you don't delete their pictures right away, you at least should archive them so only you can see them and they're not on your feed.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:Especially if they're just pictures of you and them. Now they were said it was okay if you left them on there, but there's no need to like continue to follow them and continue to see pictures of them pop up in your timeline.
Speaker 2:It's not healthy.
Speaker 1:Your brain cannot move on From that breakup If you don't cut off. They were married for 26 years, right? So your brain cannot move on if you continue to like watch their stories, see what's happening, like, okay, leave your pictures up because that was part of your life, but you no longer need to see what's happening now, right?
Speaker 2:You know what I just remembered?
Speaker 1:And you can say I'm not going to follow you on social media anymore. But to me, like who fucking cares what they think if you're going to follow them on social media, you broke up or you got divorced.
Speaker 2:If you can divorce them, you can unfollow them. It's pretty fucking easy.
Speaker 1:Yes, like people can come at me, but I think social media etiquette, because in your future you want that person who's in your future to like, feel like they're your person and that you're not like. Just keep on following people from your past.
Speaker 2:And this is the thing that upset me, as I said, so I understand your social media hiatus. Okay, thank you. Thank you for validating my feelings.
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 2:At least someone in America can do that.
Speaker 1:You don't need me to validate your feelings.
Speaker 2:No, but that's what I wanted to tell you is. That's what pissed me off, is that I told them it doesn't matter if you agree with me or not. Yeah, it's the way I feel. Yes, these are my feelings. Yes, you're to respect them, and if you can't, then you're not for me. Yes, and so what happened? Is he portrayed to respect them and put on this front, when, really guess what he's still following her.
Speaker 1:Yeah, he's still doing the things he shouldn't be doing.
Speaker 2:Exactly, and I just said that and remember the first fight and I forgot about this, but remember he was like I cleaned up my phone, which I was like it was weird because I was like I didn't ask him to clean up his phone or anything, but he was like so proud, Like you deserve a gold sticker because you're healthy. Yeah, no, I'm not going to pet you on your back because you're normal.
Speaker 1:Do it because you want to do it, Not for yourself, not for you to do it like clean it up, because you want a healthy relationship going forward with somebody, amen.
Speaker 2:So anyways, remember he was like I cleaned up my phone. He was all proud and I was like, okay, yeah, well. Then somebody was on Facebook we were working on the podcast stuff and saw a bunch of pictures of his wife, his ex-wife, and I was like, oh, look at who didn't clean it up. Then he sends me an Airbnb like reservation. It's him and his ex-wife. What?
Speaker 1:I forgot to tell you what. What was the Airbnb reservation for?
Speaker 2:The weekend, my birthday weekend.
Speaker 1:Oh, like his profile picture was them too.
Speaker 2:But he didn't notice that oh.
Speaker 1:God yeah, that's a huge no-no. Etiquette is all. Your profile picture should just be you Exactly, or your kids.
Speaker 2:Exactly so fast forward now when I'm like I'm upset and I'm like you know, I don't ask for much, but this is pretty simple and you knew how I felt and you ignored my feelings. And then he said well, how would you feel if my kids turned on me because I unfollowed her? Oh, holy manipulation, what I was like. First of all, your kids are grown. If you can't unfollow somebody as a grownup without your kids throwing a hissy fit, you've got bigger fucking problems.
Speaker 1:Yeah, because that's bizarre. That is very bizarre. Like why would your kids give a shit if you follow their mom on social media?
Speaker 2:Like what Exactly you divorced her. The damage is done.
Speaker 1:Yes, move on, have a conversation with your kids about it. Good lord.
Speaker 2:So that was just absolutely awful. And then we just went back and forth. I was just arguing it was toxic, it was terrible. I was terrible. I will admit that. I don't know why you argue with these men. I know you always told me that I'm like. I just feel like I don't understand why people don't know what's right anymore. I don't get it.
Speaker 1:Because they're lazy, they don't care. We've all have this me-centered attitude Like there's. I don't know. No empathy, I don't know Well that's why the dating world sucks.
Speaker 2:You have no, we have no boundaries. And then like so one of his Instagrams, which he claimed was the one that got hacked, was all a bunch of porn stars. What? Oh yeah, he's like I don't even use that one. You have the wrong Instagram.
Speaker 1:How about you delete that?
Speaker 2:account. Then, oh right, isn't that funny when things get hacked, you can't delete them. Oh, I know.
Speaker 1:Fascinating. You can't delete them.
Speaker 2:So he has two Instagram accounts One that looks very appropriate, yeah, and one that doesn't. Oh man like dating dating is a trip I've I've been hated, and you know that. I've said it a thousand times and I'm just like I'm so done.
Speaker 1:You get sucked back in though Every time, so he. So that's why we did the no nut November, so you don't get sucked in by the penis juice.
Speaker 2:I know I was the one that came up with that. I know I was like this is what we're doing. Pick a $300 purse. It's got to be expensive. I'm like I need something on the line.
Speaker 1:Can't wait. I got my order to be showing up anytime now.
Speaker 2:Bitch, Fuck my life, Anyways. So he says, sends me a text and it was like hey, I would like to talk to you in my own person. And I was like well, I am not dragging this out. All weekend I haven't slept, I haven't ate. Today I'm a mess. I've been crying. Yeah, there's no reason to drag this out anymore and I'm like, if you want, you can call me. Yeah, so he calls me. Okay, he was a complete ass.
Speaker 1:Why do people have to go there? Like why, why can't you just be like I'm sorry, this does not work out, and you have our? Obviously our boundaries aren't the same, we're not on the same page, and then just move on Like why people don't be assholes? Don't be a bitch Like why, yeah, it was bad.
Speaker 2:How was he? I couldn't even like talk, Like I'd say something, He'd talk over me and I'd go, I guess I'm not talking. Yeah, and he was like, he ran the whole conversation and he he basically was like you owe me an apology. I'm like this is great, I owe you an apology. Huh, Tell me, tell me why. And he's like because you said fuck off, you called me an ass. And I'm like okay, I owe you an apology because I reacted to the lack of respect you had for me.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:I'm sorry, but it'd be different if you walked in my house and said I am so sorry I fucked this up. Let's talk. We had a healthy conversation. The good person that I am would naturally say and I'm sorry for speaking to you that way. I was very upset.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Thank you for healing my heart. You don't have the right to do what you did and then tell somebody you owe them an apology or they owe you an apology.
Speaker 1:Just move on. Just be like this person is not for me. I'm just going to move on. I'm just going to carry it into this way, because people always say things they don't mean, especially when they're really angry.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I was. I felt betrayed, I felt like he banboozled me and I do. I'm like I don't even know who that person is and I kept saying that he'd get so mad. I'm not fake, I don't make excuses. Well, guess what, jen? Somebody called me today.
Speaker 1:Somebody called you Somebody, that is who.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I will just tell you this He'd slept with you on purpose and left on purpose. He slept with me on purpose and left on purpose.
Speaker 1:I knew it. I told you that in the beginning. I said he is either going to be genuine or he is trying to conquer us. And I said that from the beginning.
Speaker 2:Mr Family man. Oh my God, that's so family. He is a man, child.
Speaker 1:This is a man, child.
Speaker 1:This is a man child. Jenny's a whore. This is insane. I, oh okay. First of all I just want to say I was right, people, sorry, mel, I was right and now I'm fucking pissed, man whore, because let me just tell you I, if anybody else out there or guy is thinking that they're going to be able to do this too sorry, but I have a very strong code when it comes to people who have dated my friends it will never happen, amen, ever. I don't care if you're my person, it will never happen. I fucking knew it.
Speaker 2:So my mistake I made.
Speaker 1:The first mistake I made is that I'm curious of who called you the first day quick Sorry. I'm just so fired up now.
Speaker 2:So the first mistake I made was when he ran out on you. Yeah, that shows his character.
Speaker 1:Yes, that's why I was surprised you were even interested.
Speaker 2:I should never have been Well, and I wasn't. He pursued me like crazy and then I fell. But you still can say no, apparently, I can't His phone call that night in your bed. Yeah, guarantee, it wasn't his kids Booty call, absolutely.
Speaker 1:No.
Speaker 2:She confessed that she was the booty call.
Speaker 1:He texted her.
Speaker 2:I don't know about that night, but this girl was his booty call.
Speaker 1:How did she know about?
Speaker 2:you oh, we have mutual friends. And she saw a picture, shut up and sent the mutual friend to me to warn me.
Speaker 1:Where was this chick like fucking three weeks ago?
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 1:Wow.
Speaker 2:She sent the friend to warn me that this person is not who he claims he is, that he's addicted to porn, that she was the booty call and eventually she got tired of it because he could never commit and he wanted to have two, three sums.
Speaker 1:You know what's crazy is? This is why we made that pact about not sleeping with people too early. And if this isn't a lesson for people out there about not sleeping with people too early, this is it. Because you do not know that person in the first three dates. You don't, and it makes it so much harder after you slept with somebody and they break up with you or they ghost you.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, he told me that too. He's like I'm normally a ghoster, but if it wasn't for Jen being your friend, I would have just ghosted her.
Speaker 1:No, I think it was because I would have called his shit out and he knew that, so he could not escape, not ghosting me.
Speaker 2:Well, he would have blocked you and you wouldn't have been able to call him out.
Speaker 1:Yeah, well, would have been able to call him out in the podcast. Hey, Like we are now man child.
Speaker 2:Exactly so all I know is lies. He lies about everything.
Speaker 1:Well, props to the chick that called you Amen, because that's women looking out for women. Yep, love it, keep doing it, even though you might not get a good response back from that other woman. Like let's just stick to girl code, let's women look out for women. Damn, I am fucking pissed.
Speaker 2:I knew you were going to be. I told her I was going to tell you on air. I can't.
Speaker 1:Let me just tell you how much I want to murder. I'm not going to say that Yep or his name.
Speaker 2:But yep, it's amazing. So yes, we were both right and unfortunately I have got to learn that when someone is love bombing me, to walk away and say this is not for me, because it never ends well.
Speaker 1:No, stop ignoring the love bomb red flag.
Speaker 2:Yep, and normally it's tied to a really shitty man Yep.
Speaker 1:Yep, or a man who is not emotionally available because they have not dealt with her shit. They're not far enough away from their divorce or breakup. They are not emotionally available at all.
Speaker 2:Yep, oh, the other thing that this human said was that she also thought that he was going to get back together with his ex. I was like have fun with that I said really you thought that? And she was like, oh yeah, she was like there was a time or two I really thought they were going to get back together and I'm like no, I'm thinking, and I didn't describe what the hell I just went through and I was just thinking in my head. No wonder why I can't unfollow her.
Speaker 1:He's obsessed, yep, he is not over Hell. No, he's not. Nope, not over that person.
Speaker 2:She done broke his heart and now he's just out there causing chaos.
Speaker 1:He's out fucking, whoring it up and his very long post-divorce hoe season.
Speaker 2:And I told him. I said Karm is a bitch. And I said the things that you're doing to these women, it will come back to fucking haunt you.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah.
Speaker 2:It will.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, oh man, that was a doozy, because Mel dropped some bombs on me.
Speaker 2:Yep, hey, you know how. You said that you researched etiquette. I took a poll at the hair salon and that one female young, old, middle said it is okay to follow your ex. Not one, amen.
Speaker 1:Everyone said no, and we know that's yep Salon ladies, see it all here at all. Yep, thank you. Props to them. They're like that's a major red flag yes, major flag. Why are you still following their life Exactly? Why do you care? Yeah, why do you care? You should not care.
Speaker 2:Yeah. So, love, I try to date again. Still a mess at it, still suck at it, and I'm really frustrated with myself, because that's where change starts, when you recognize you're the idiot and yeah. So I did a lot of journaling and just thinking and I'm gonna sit tight for a while. You know, I don't know if you remember, but one time I told you I think we were in Traverse City, I was like I'm rolling in 2024, sober and a virgin. So I am going back to that sober virgins. Yep, I'm done Like. I'm done drinking. I'm done partying. Oh, that was the other thing. She said that he was a major alcoholic. She said he's always drunk and I said, yeah, he likes to party.
Speaker 1:Oh, I had a feeling about that because I think he was out one night drinking and then like, drove home. I'm like, why did you drive home if you've been drinking? You dumbass, exactly.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah. So any who? Lots of lessons for me. And the number one thing is if ever again I am love bombed and I'm questioning it, I am to say this relationship is not for me.
Speaker 1:Good luck, yes, the胃想 is on the way to a justna neuen tradition. We know, love bombing is a red flag. Social media etiquette don't follow your ex's people. And if they are molding themselves to your hobbies, that's a red flag to me too. Yeah, because they should be saying what their own hobbies are. Now, you cannot have every single interest the same. It's just impossible. So if somebody's like saying everything that you say to me, that'd be a red flag. So they're molding themselves to like manipulate you, to look like they're a good person or like they're this, whatever person you want them to be my perfect fit.
Speaker 1:Yes, and it always comes out later that that was all lies.
Speaker 2:And now, knowing what I know, looking back, when he got pissed on the phone, it was because I told him he used the podcast against me, and what I have found in life is that when people are in the wrong, they're assholes. Yep.
Speaker 1:And he was Yep when you call them out on the truth he got defensive. Yep.
Speaker 2:And then that's when he says I'm so sick of this shit. I'm like, oh, now it's shit. Yesterday you were marrying me, but today it's shit Interesting, Mm-hmm yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:So I got fucked.
Speaker 1:Literally and figuratively. We both did. We both got fucked Asshole. By this asshole I escaped. I think, better off than you did, yeah.
Speaker 2:Because I'm naive. Even my hairdresser was saying that she's like you are so naive and I think it's because I lived so quiet for so long that I'm not used to how people are and she's like mount. People are assholes, people lie, people manipulate, people manipulate. You can't trust everybody off the get-go and I'm like I don't know. I know my heart and I'm so loving and kind and trustworthy and always want to do what's right, and if I do what's wrong, I feel guilty and I'm ashamed and I'm like I just would thank everyone's like that and they're not.
Speaker 1:No, it's hard to trust when you go through something like this and it sucks for the next person who's not like that and has to deal with the shitty people before them. And it sucks and it's hard not to bring past people into your new relationship. That's something I've been trying to work on. A lot is not bringing the shitty things that people have done in the past into the new person and that's why I've made some very firm boundaries of not sleeping with somebody soon, getting to know them, making sure they communicate, not ignoring red flags.
Speaker 2:Yeah. So I want to leave the L-poppers with this, because this was Abby's TED Talks to me today. Ok, which you know, my girl. She dropped some wisdom. That kid, I swear to God, she's one of a kind. I told her I was done and she said good. And she said because you know what I'm worried about. And I said what. And she said I'm worried that when Mr Right does come along, that you'll be too damaged to love again. And she said you're wasting your time with these guys who are assholes and you're getting hurt over and over. She's like eventually, mom, you're going to have nothing left to give. And she said then Mr Right's going to come and you're going to have nothing but abandonment issues, trust issues and a spirit that says I hate men.
Speaker 1:Yep, and you're not going to see the good guy Exactly, so lessened there.
Speaker 2:So Mama's taking a time out.
Speaker 1:I'm holding her to this, l-poppers, every time she says she's ready, I'm going to be playing this episode back to her. Yeah Well, l-poppers, we would love to know your thoughts on this. And if you've ever had, have you ever broken friend code? Have you ever dated somebody that was just a friend? We'd love to hear thoughts on this episode.
Speaker 2:Be nice. Oh be nice to me.
Speaker 1:It's fine, but I love you still. Amel, you're going to find your Mr Right someday. You just got to remember everything we talked about today.
Speaker 2:Yes, I love you too, and you know who else had good wisdom was my brother. He sent me a text today and said basically, when it's meant to be, it will be. It's going to happen. So quit trying so hard, Right? Yep, it will happen.
Speaker 1:Just let it happen. Let it happen.
Speaker 2:Amen.
Speaker 1:All right, L-poppers. This has been quite the episode and we can't wait for the holidays and we hope everyone is safe and spreading joy and love. Yes, Spread the Christmas cheer. Amen. Love you guys. Peace.