7. Rimple Patel on prioritizing yourself

Today I'm joined by Rimple Patel to discuss how being childfree has influenced her professional growth and the lessons she's learned in prioritizing self and setting boundaries at work. After growing up in Malawi, Rimple moved to the U.S. at the age of 17 to earn her undergraduate degree and has experienced a meteoric career ever since.  We have a great discussion on how she's able to experience the role of parent to her niece and nephew and her excitement around being able to move to Madrid for a year. At the end, Rimple reminds me of the importance of visualization and creating vision boards to achieve your goals. I'm so grateful for her wisdom and time - and can't wait for you to hear her story!

Here are the references from my intro about workplace biases against people who don't have children: 

• What’s It Like Being Childfree at Work? [2022 Study]
• Meeting the Needs of Nonparent Workers
• Child-free workers aren’t selfish. They’re being exploited
• We need to talk about the bias against child-free employees

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

In the Indian culture you get a lot of oh poor thing, Like you don't have kids, Whereas it's really hard for people to understand that it's a choice, not because of circumstance. I think for some people who don't know me well or looking from the outside, they're like oh, it's because of circumstance. You know she didn't have this, she had broken relationships, it was never the right time, but not that it was because of a choice. So I think that's really important for people to also understand, just because you don't just gravitate that it's because of circumstance, it's a choice.

Speaker 2: 0:41

Welcome back everyone to another episode of Child Free Me, a show where we examine the choice to be child free and what it's like to navigate that decision in today's world. I'm your host, laura Allen, and today's guest is the exceptionally accomplished Rimpol Patel. Rimpol and I were connected through a mutual friend and we had a really great conversation about choosing to prioritize yourself, focusing on careers and getting to play the role of second mother, as an aunt. Because so much of our conversation focused on career, I thought it would be interesting to do a quick segment before jumping into the conversation about being child free in the workplace, because it's something I've started to become pretty interested in and I've done a little bit of research on the topic. I am specifically interested in exploring the biases that exist towards individuals who don't have children. As someone who works in HR, it's obviously my job to be cognizant of and address workplace biases, but I honestly had never considered this area as something to examine, which I think just demonstrates how much these invisible scripts about the importance of having children in parenthood pervades every aspect of our lives. So in my very preliminary research, I stumbled across an article by Shurm.

Speaker 2: 2:11

For those of you who aren't cool enough to know that's an acronym that stands for the Society for Human Resources Management, and they wrote about a study from last year 2022, that examines how people without children are treated differently than people with children in the workplace. They basically pulled a population of employees across different companies and asked them a series of questions to gauge their perception of the two groups child free and people with children. The answers were pretty surprising to me, especially given that the study group was made up of 80% parents, so eight out of 10 respondents were people with children. And when asked at your workplace which group of people is more likely to get a promotion, 49% of the group said people with children are more likely, while only 29% said people without children, and then the remainder said both groups were equally likely to receive one. Another stat is that 85% of respondents also said that people with children have priority when planning vacations and days off Not that they should have priority, but that employers, so the companies, will give people with children priority when planning vacations and days off. There were a ton of stats.

Speaker 2: 3:27

I'm not gonna list them all, but I will definitely link to this article in the show notes because it's really eye-opening. But to summarize the gist is that a majority of people feel that employees with children have the right to take more time off than people without them, it's okay to ask a child free worker to stay longer or work more to cover for a parent, and that child free people are assumed to be more available because they don't have children. The article basically concludes that employers value a parent's time more than the time of someone who doesn't have children and put a lot of pressure on people without children to devote more time to work, since they supposedly don't have anything else in their lives. So, first and foremost, I wanna say that parents are certainly not to blame for this. I don't actually think it's the parents putting any sort of pressure, nor should they have any benefits taken away from them. That's certainly not my conclusion here, but I think at the very least, awareness is really important, especially when it comes to taking PTO or even the choice and ability to work remotely.

Speaker 2: 4:34

I talked in a previous episode about how, just anecdotally, my friends and I have noticed that people with children are granted more exceptions to the return to work mandates that a lot of us are experiencing, and I myself have granted those exceptions as an HR person without even thinking twice about it, and it's something that, now that I've seen it, I feel like I've started to see it more and more as an HR person helping to create these policies and navigate this interesting hybrid world that we now live in. So I'm actually interested if you've seen something like this play out in your workplace. So, either to you or to someone else, whether you have children or you don't I'd love to hear from you. I'm really interested to see how pervasive this is. This was just obviously one study of about 1,000 people, but I would love to hear your experiences, so please email me. The email is in the show notes and hopefully we can talk about it a little bit more. And with that, let's hop into my interview with Rimpel.

Speaker 2: 5:42

Rimpel Patel. Welcome to Child 4 Me. Thank you so much for being here. Thank you so much for inviting me. I'm excited because you are not my friend per se. You are a friend of a friend. So I did a little bit of stalking before this episode and realized I was stalking in the wrong platform, but I did look at LinkedIn and just incredible career, I would say meteoric. So actually I would love for you to start with just a quick introduction of who you are, and then we can dive into the conversation.

Speaker 1: 6:13

Yeah, thanks again, laura, for having me. I just want to first say I have such deep admiration for what you're doing. You're essentially highlighting stories to normalize what being child free is for a growing group of women, and I think that's so important.

Speaker 2: 6:27

So just a little bit about myself.

Speaker 1: 6:28

I'm in my early 40s. I was born in Malawi. Madonna put Malawi on the map. Malawi is in Central Africa. She adopted a baby from there.

Speaker 1: 6:37

I grew up with a really strong sense of community and it was really hard to go anywhere without someone knowing whose daughter you were. So it was that sense of community. I am of Indian descent. I have two incredibly loving and supportive parents and both were entrepreneurs, Now semi-retired. I am the oldest of two girls and in many ways I feel like I was raised more like a boy, and what I mean by that is not that they intentionally raised me like a boy, but more there were certain norms Like when I think about my friends that were girls, their mothers expected them to do certain things in the household or help them in the kitchen or teach them how to cook, and my mom never did that and I was raised to be pretty tough and independent. I think what also played into that is my dad was an athlete, so I got that gene and I played a ton of sports as a kid and naturally because of that a lot of my friends were boys. So I just gravitated and had more in common with other boys.

Speaker 2: 7:37

What was your favorite sport?

Speaker 1: 7:39

I, that's really hard, but I would say field hockey and tennis were probably two sports I played, and then I started playing golf pretty young as well.

Speaker 2: 7:46

So do you still play golf?

Speaker 1: 7:47

I still play golf, although I had a gap and I used to run a lot, so I used to compete a lot in cross country. I'm learning golf and we should definitely go play, you do not want to see me play.

Speaker 2: 7:59

I am so jealous of people who started as children because, man, I also played all these sports growing up and considered myself fairly athletic, and it is not coming to me easily.

Speaker 1: 8:11

So golf is like riding a bicycle. Although I never learned to ride a bicycle as a kid, I learned my adult life, so I know exactly what that feels like. So, yes, I was just very sporty, I would say, in school, like school was always important. But for some reason I always thought as a kid that I wanted to be some high-powered executive someday. I just always had that self-belief that someday that's kind of what I want to be. And so I moved to the US for college when I was 17. So pretty young. I got dropped in the middle of Indiana when I was 17 for undergrad. I graduated when I was 20 from undergrad, so definitely took the fast track, even for school there. And then I did two graduate degrees back to back and then I had a 10-year career as a consultant at Accenture, traveling all over the world and then worked for two incredible software companies after that. And that's what's brought me here today.

Speaker 2: 9:03

Oh, my goodness, To go back to your childhood in Central Africa. So you moved here when you were 17. So you grew up there. When you said that you were raised as a boy, do you think that had any impact on your choice to be child-free? I'm asking because I feel like there's less pressure on boys to have children, so I'm wondering if that played at all into your decision.

Speaker 1: 9:22

I definitely think it played into it, but I wouldn't say that you know that was the only factor. You know, when I think about why I chose to be child-free, being a mother, for example, was just never something core to what I envisioned for my life at any point, and life was always more to me than that.

Speaker 1: 9:40

As a kid as well. We traveled a lot. My parents wanted to expose us to a lot of things, so it was never that there was one path for us to take in our lives, and I think there's a few fundamental things, so independence was definitely one. My mom worked, and being able to support myself completely was never something that was negotiable. I always wanted to make sure that I could take care of myself. As a result, my career became my number one focus.

Speaker 1: 10:07

And to me it still is. It was never really time to pour myself fully into anything else and I don't regret that because I do feel like that has allowed me to have other incredible experiences without feeling like I owe anyone anything. So I think independence was definitely one of those factors. I'd also say just prioritizing self or you can call it selfish Sometimes I bow to myself, I'm just prioritizing myself. That's really difficult, but my mom managed being an amazing mom, a wife, a daughter-in-law, a friend and everything else flawlessly. But she never put herself first and I saw that as a kid and I didn't want that for myself and I always joke with my boyfriend that there's givers and receivers and I'm a receiver and he's a giver. That's why it works. So I definitely think there's a selfish component. It's selfish in terms of managing time. I love to sleep in. I think that if I don't sleep in I get sick. Like I need seven to five hours of sleep in a day and I know as parents that's something you have to forego.

Speaker 1: 11:05

It's also being able to make choices, Like I've made a choice to move to Madrid for a year for work. I don't think that would have been as easy of a decision as a child. And then there's certain lifestyle things Like I do love nice things, I like travel, I like dining out. There's so much to think about and things that you have to not give up, but you have to plan so much around to do the same things.

Speaker 1: 11:26

I think if you have a child, I think about even this may be really selfish, but even thinking about your body, you work out and you're like, wow, this is going to really change my body. I've heard things like your shoe size increases and I'm like what am I going to do with all my shoes? It sounds really terrible, but there's just these little things. And then just my mental health. I am a planner and it's really important for me to know how my day is going to go and be able to plan that. And I think there's complexity, obviously as parents where you have so many things that come up in a day that you have to handle. I would say also, just I'm a real warrior. Either planning and worrying comes up together. I think I would be a constant warrior.

Speaker 2: 12:07

Yeah, same. I've started making these jokes about this podcast, ironically being similar to a child and I think about it all the time and I worry about it and like this is just further proof that I'm not meant to bring someone to this world and then have to spend all that time worrying and thinking about them. But I love the reframe. The concept of being selfish is definitely something that comes up a lot as I've been having these conversations and just even as I think about being child free myself. But I like the reframe when you said prioritizing myself, because I really think that's what it is and we are taught or somehow convinced to think that that is actually selfish when it's just prioritizing ourselves, which I love. You have two very supportive parents. Have you had conversations with them around this decision?

Speaker 1: 12:51

I've never really had a conversation with my parents on why I choose not to have kids. I think they've always really respected the decisions that I've made and have always taught both my sister and I so every younger sister to make our choices, be able to feel resolved with our choices, obviously, and live with the consequences of those choices. And at the end of the day, it's all about whatever makes each of us happy.

Speaker 2: 13:17

How do you think your decision would have been impacted if they weren't supportive and did want you to have kids and was important to them?

Speaker 1: 13:24

I don't think it would have changed just because I know I'm a really strong person and I also feel that because I moved here when I was 17 and pretty independent and young and had to take care of myself. I think that just made me comfortable, that I had to live with my choices and not necessarily care about the life of someone else wanted to live for me. So I don't think I would have. But it obviously makes it really easy when you have parents that are very supportive of that choices you make as well. It's a really interesting question. I think I never felt pressure from them, but had I felt pressure for them I think it's in retrospect who knows how I would have gone. But I know that I would not be happy if I was making a decision that wasn't mine and living my life that way, that's for sure.

Speaker 1: 14:13

I think one important aspect here is partnership. I never thought I wanted to have kids, but I guess there was a part of me that felt like maybe, if I meet the right person, maybe that will make me more maternal and make me want to have a child. And I felt like that window for me was in my 30s where I would have wanted that to happen. I didn't want to be in my 60s thinking about high school et cetera, and that didn't happen and I never wanted a child enough that I would want to do it on my own. So I think that partnership was really important, and my parents saw me have broken relationships and marriages and what was more important for them is just that I was happy, and I think me having a life partner for them is more important than having a life partner.

Speaker 1: 14:59

Because to some degree they've already had that with my niece and nephew. My sister has a boy and a girl, so they're already fulfilled as grandparents because my sister has kids and I think for me now they would just love for me to have that life partner. To raise a kid, I feel like, takes a community and I grew up in an environment where there was a community. But when I think about how people live in the US, you can't have all those things.

Speaker 1: 15:23

So there's just a lot of pressure on two people to raise children. And then you add to it the potential of being a single parent and I remember a friend who's a single parent who once told me that it's not doing everything that's hard, but it's not being able to share those moments, those really great moments with someone you love. That is the hardest thing and I think that's cool. So another reason why I chose not to be a parent alone I can never wanted it as much, but I have a friend who went through the whole process of going to sperm bank and being a mom on her own and doing it all on her own, and I just think that's really brave for women that choose to do it. I just know that that would be a lot for me.

Speaker 2: 16:02

When it comes to relationships. How did it enter the conversations or narratives in your 30s when you were exploring or entering into these relationships?

Speaker 1: 16:11

I was pretty honest, but because I was honest with what I was feeling.

Speaker 1: 16:17

But it was also a phase of exploration because, as I told you, I thought that might happen if I felt the right things, whether it was with the right partner, the right circumstance in my career but, the 30s are a really difficult time for women because I feel like the 30s is when I was really excelling in my career and moving from mid to senior management and at the same time, that was the time where I had to feel like did I want to be a mom? Was this important enough for me? And it just never was important. So I would definitely say there's one significant relationship that didn't work out because of this. I think he wanted to have a house and have kids and it's really far from where I was with what was going on in my life. And then, you know, time just goes by and I realized that I actually love my life.

Speaker 1: 17:05

I don't feel like I'm missing out on anything. I think a large part of that is also. I'm a perfectionist to a degree, and I always thought that I couldn't be a good mother unless I was 100% focused on it, or a good professional and have a great career if I was 100% focused on it. So to me, I knew for myself that it was gonna be hard for me to do both at the same time.

Speaker 2: 17:30

That was such a blessing to me. Yeah, I was. I think I was saying to my coworkers today I was like I don't know how mothers do it, because I'm just trying to stay present at work, work on this side project, focus on my relationship, keep up my friendships, stay in touch with my family. All the power to them. It's impressive. So you live in Chicago. You know pretty urban, progressive city. Do you have a good group of friends or community that's also child-free, that you're able to connect with?

Speaker 1: 17:59

Yeah, I think that's what I feel very lucky with and I would say I have a great group of friends that I've accumulated over my time on and off in Chicago and they're really my family here, because my parents still live in Malawi and they do spend some time in Los Angeles, but in Chicago my friends are my family and I feel very fortunate about that. Now I have some friends that are mothers, but they always make time to go out and I'm really grateful to their partners for that. And then I have some friends that are mothers but with kids that are in college, so they don't have to worry about it. And then I have another set of friends like all part of the same group of friends that are in the same boat as I am, where they chose not to have kids. So it's a really great mix.

Speaker 1: 18:49

And when I see that I realize that there's always this feeling that are you missing out on something? I think I felt that for a while, in fact, when I was 34, my sister had her first kid. You know my niece and nephew, the loves of my life and I feel like I'm a mother to them already and I parent them and discipline them and spoil them and all those good things. But at that time was the first time that I felt such selfless love that I was like maybe I do want to be a mom even if he's doing it on my own.

Speaker 1: 19:19

So I froze my eggs, thinking this at least gives me the option for the next six years, since my deadline was 40.

Speaker 1: 19:25

If it was going to happen or not. But then I see moms like I have friends that are moms. What I love about them is that they're honest about what being a mother is really like, and some of them have told me that if they were to rewind time they would have chose not to be a mom. So I see that and it just validates you know that. I'm glad I didn't do it because of any pressure or anything, but I've seen both sides of it.

Speaker 2: 19:48

You mentioned the deadline. Did you feel any increased angst or emotions as you approached the deadline, or were you just like, nope, I'm here and I'm strong in my decision?

Speaker 1: 19:59

I actually felt more confident that I was on the right path and I'm glad that I didn't choose to have kids. So I almost lost my dad a few years ago and it was a very difficult situation. It was during the start of COVID and I knew at that moment I'm so glad I didn't have kids because I was able to drop everything and work and go and be there with him. You know, through this tough time and my sister would still have done it, but she had two little kids at home during the pandemic.

Speaker 1: 20:30

It wasn't for her to say, hey, I'm gone for a month or two and I was able to do that. So there's been just things that have happened in my life that have just validated I'm really grateful to have that freedom for my loved ones. In fact, during the pandemic, my sister was going through a tough time because she had two young kids, a three year old and a five year old, and going through working full time online taking care of two kids with her husband.

Speaker 1: 20:56

I was able to leave Chicago and go move in with them for six months or so just to look after my niece and nephew and help her in any way that I could. So there's moments like that that I have the freedom and feel very resolved. I don't have kids and in fact my boyfriend's sister has four kids, so I always tell him I'm like we've got six between us and they're absolutely adorable. So I feel like we both have that feeling of being parents.

Speaker 2: 21:22

Yeah, that's another, I think, ongoing theme with these conversations is the term childfree isn't quite right because for many people there are children in their lives.

Speaker 1: 21:30

They're just not the main parental figures and what I love about my sister and brother-in-law is they allow me to truly parent my niece and nephew, even the bad right If they do something wrong discipline them, guide them like I never feel that I'm their aunt and in fact I'm from Gujarat in India originally. That's where my great grandparents are from and there's a saying that Masi, which means maternal aunt, so it's your sister's, your mother's sister, is much your mother as your mother, so it's like your second mom. So there's this saying that is, if someone's going to love you as much as your mom.

Speaker 1: 22:07

It's your Masi, it's your mom's sister. So I feel very much. They are my kids, you know, without all the pickups and drop offs and all of that. I know the good parts that I get, the good parts of them being my kids.

Speaker 2: 22:21

So, yeah, I am not an aunt yet. My sisters do not have children, but if and when they do, I'm very excited because I've also. I have friends now who don't have children but are planning to have them, have nieces and nephews, and they talk about just you know, it's a special kind of love so and they're like, but we get to give them back at the end of the day, which is also kind of nice, okay, so switching gears, I would love to focus on being a professional, very career focused woman.

Speaker 2: 22:51

I feel like not having children sometimes allows me to let work bleed further into my life than it would. So this before on previous episodes, where sometimes I am jealous of parents, not because that they have children, but because, in my mind, I need to prioritize work above all else. Is that something that you have experienced, or how do you think about setting boundaries around work?

Speaker 1: 23:18

Yeah. So I think that's really the point. It's about setting boundaries. It's you allowing yourself to continue working when you don't need to and setting boundaries for yourself. When I was in my 30s half of my 30s was I was on the road and I was a consultant, so everyone I worked with was working the same amount. They were on the road, so I really didn't feel that much that had a different standard or they were prioritizing differently, or even there was a different standard from the employer, because that's somewhat true as well If you're going to give a project to someone and you know someone single versus someone has a little kid, you're going to give it to the person that's single if it requires extra work. So I didn't ever feel that when I was in consulting. I think once I left consulting, I left to prioritize just some level of work-life balance and started creating those boundaries.

Speaker 1: 24:09

That's the reason why I never thought I would leave Accenture. Everyone thought I would retire from Accenture. Consulting was very much what I was good at and what I enjoyed doing and I loved it. But there was an incident that happened where I forgot my boyfriend's birthday not my current boyfriend and I didn't know I forgot his birthday. Kelly wasn't a great boyfriend because he didn't tell me if I forgot his birthday until like a week or so after. That was a terrible relationship, but what I did learn is that I was so involved with my work at the time that I had no idea what was going on in the people that were in my life and what was going on in their life, and that's the reason why I left consulting.

Speaker 1: 24:47

When I moved to the first software company I worked for Workday, which is a fantastic company and a great culture I told myself that I wasn't going to repeat the same mistakes. So of course, there were some weeks where you had to put in the hours, but for the most part I set those boundaries where I wanted to work out.

Speaker 1: 25:05

I always have a friend who taught me to create these kind of decade bucket lists. So I just like you know 30 things you want to do before you turn 30, 40 things you want to do before you turn 40. And so some of those things for me were doing the triathlon and you know how to ride a bike, to go buy a bike four months before the race day and learn how to ride a bike and train or run a marathon. So all those things that I couldn't do when I was in consulting I like told myself that I was going to do and set those priorities after I laughed. And so just having time for myself and going out with friends in the middle of the week, where I would be on the road and a hotel road somewhere otherwise.

Speaker 1: 25:44

So I did start prioritizing myself and I have continued doing that for myself and I've been fortunate that I haven't felt that work me not having kids a reason for me being pressured to take certain things on that others wouldn't. But, I know of people that do face that.

Speaker 2: 26:01

Yeah, I haven't seen that either and I'm on HR, I'm behind the scenes. It's not a narrative that I've heard. Thankfully, I was similar to you in consulting, not for as long as you, but prior to this role, and they were actually acquired by Accenture. So I was an Accenture employee for maybe like 15 days before moving here, so I understand the road warrior life. I blamed consulting for my lack of ability to set boundaries. I blame the role, I blame the travel.

Speaker 2: 26:32

Again, I would look at these mothers. Like you know, it's easier for them to set boundaries because they have children and there were a couple of times I raised my hand to go and travel on behalf of a project partner because I don't have kids and they'd be on kids and I was more than happy to do that because it felt fair in my mind and they would never ask me to do that. I would just raise my hand and then definitely burned out in that role. But it took me moving into this role to teach myself the lesson that it's really up to me. It isn't about having children or other priorities. You just have to make other things your priority.

Speaker 1: 27:03

Yeah, those boundaries are so important to set and then also to make sure you're leading teams the same way. I remember when I started at work day, they had this policy where you never send emails in the weekends to anyone and if you're going to work, make sure it's not delivered until Monday morning and to worry sending it to their inbox. And those types of standards really help set the right expectations with your teams as well, that they have lives and you should not be working around the clock. You know that you're most productive when you're not overworked, right Like you have to have the right balance. So I always appreciated leaders that I was with that had that level of respect, and then, by learning from them, I try to have the same level of respect for people on my team as well.

Speaker 1: 27:53

Even if you don't have kids like it's important, they still have lives, right, you don't have kids, but you still have lives and Friday night plans and you know morning yoga, whatever it is. So just to really respect that aspect of everyone you mentioned.

Speaker 2: 28:06

you have a great mix of friends who are child free or currently child free. Would you say that a majority of the women at your level in your career have children, or do you feel like most women at your level are child free as well? It's definitely a mix.

Speaker 1: 28:22

I would say it's a mix in the type of role I am now, but I still have been in consulting. I still think it would have been a mix. But I knew a lot of female partners that had stay at home husbands or they had a living nanny who was really living with them, taking care of their kids three or four days a week when they were traveling.

Speaker 1: 28:43

I think it would have been really hard to find women be a partner as a woman at Accenture, without having, you know, a significant other that was willing to take care of the child or have some other way of raising kids, which is also something I never wanted. So when I think about half my 30s being in consulting, I never wanted to have kids for someone else to do all the heavy lifting and I just felt why have kids otherwise? Probably one of the reasons too, I loved my job at the time. I'm like well, if I love this, there's no way I can do that.

Speaker 1: 29:20

And you have to see female partners that would cancel vacations because they had to work and send their husband and kids, and it was just like you'd hear these stories and I'm like that's not the kind of mother I want to be.

Speaker 1: 29:33

And when I moved to work day, I was quite the opposite. Actually, there were a lot of C level female executives who had kids and that was the time where I felt like there is a good way to balance potentially both, because they were clearly really great at their job but also able to be mothers at the same time. Like I said, I feel like for me it's really 100% either war it's really hard to find that I'm willing to sacrifice one or the other.

Speaker 2: 30:01

So you're saying relative to consulting? There was more women in the C suite with children.

Speaker 1: 30:07

Yes, when I moved out of consulting and worked for a software company, I feel like I saw a lot of great role models of women that had phenomenal careers and also were moms at the same time, where I didn't see that in consulting, but I definitely see that now where it's possible.

Speaker 2: 30:24

So this is probably a controversial question, but do you think being child free has impacted your career negatively at all?

Speaker 1: 30:30

No, I really don't think it has. There are times when I feel like maybe it's done quite the opposite, because when you think about rising up the ranks, a lot of it is are you ready to take on this special project, are you ready to take on this international assignment? And I have been able to say yes to most of those things without blinking, and I without thinking much about it.

Speaker 1: 30:54

So, I feel like those opportunities I've been able to take advantage of more because I don't have kids and can be wherever they needed me to be yeah, so I know you're going to be in Europe for the next year.

Speaker 2: 31:07

Have you done any other international stints?

Speaker 1: 31:09

So there was a period when I was at Accenture where we were trying to sell a really big program to a healthcare company in France and I was for six months, almost on a weekly basis, flying from New York to Paris, and obviously on occasion I'd spend weekends there. There was a significant other in the picture, so I was coming back, but the fact that I was able to just go for six months pretty much. But then there'd be times when, hey, we have a two week workshop in Shanghai, can you go and stay there? And sure, I can go for two weeks, and I think not to say that if you have kids you can't do two weeks. But when you're doing that back to back on these large global projects, that's really tough as a parent to be able to do that and I was able to say, yeah, that I would go. I think it does open up opportunities for you, naturally, that are related to travel and being away from home for a fair amount of time.

Speaker 2: 32:07

I'm like drooling and I know it's probably not the same. It can be difficult, it is not the same. We're like two weeks in Shanghai, how lovely.

Speaker 1: 32:15

I've also spent a week in Juarez, so I have to say it comes with all types of locations.

Speaker 2: 32:20

That's true. That's true. Yes, We've all been in those projects in the backwoods of who knows. Have you heard of War Road, Minnesota? No, I have not. It is five miles south of the Canadian border and I would have to fly to Minneapolis and then take a prop plane from Minneapolis up to War Road and I think the nearest Starbucks was 60 miles outside of War Road. I'm a vegetarian. I would bring like bags of sunflower seeds with me because I'm like I will not starve to death. The only hotel there was a casino and there was a card in the sink that was like please don't clean your fish, you get exposed to a wide variety of environments and Paris, Shanghai, London, but I've also done places like Juarez and Bentonville, although hopefully that's not offensive to anyone who's from.

Speaker 2: 33:08

Bentonville, I love this idea of the bucket list by Decay, though you're in your 40s, did you add anything to your list to do before you turned 50? So I did.

Speaker 1: 33:18

I did do that in my in my 30s. So the 40 under 40 I did do and I came pretty close because the pandemic was towards the end of my 30s. So there's a few things that I didn't get to do, but yeah, that was. That was a really great way to live, because I also think that was teaching me that spend your time and money and energy on things you truly want to do, versus things you end up doing because someone else is like hey, do you want to do this? So I really thought that was a great way to prioritize and focus on the things that you really want to achieve.

Speaker 1: 33:49

So for my 40s, I actually thought how am I going to list 50 things that I want to do before I turn 50? I'm like that's a really long list. So I decided 40s to create a vision board. I guess the secret based on the book, the secret like so, create a vision board on what I want my life to look like. And so and I noticed when I did put that board together that a lot of it was around health and wellness and family and laughter and retiring early, but also there were more elements that were career oriented and also just more at home versus I felt like the decade before it was all about travel I wanted to dive in Bora Bora and bungee jump in New Zealand and things of that nature where I felt like what I've set for myself for this decade feels very focused on myself and just being happy and healthy and also just any goals that I set for my work.

Speaker 2: 34:46

I keep trying to do a vision board and I feel like it's come up enough in conversations over the past couple months that I should probably just do it. I feel like it's the universe talking, but there is some aspect.

Speaker 1: 34:57

In fact, I was watching this Harvard professor talk about people that are happy and he talked about how, although you get, it's more important to cut from your life- and minimize things from your life, then continue to add and I've noticed that I've started doing that in my life.

Speaker 1: 35:14

Like my goal now is you know, with my boyfriend we're looking for a land where we can build a glass house in the middle of a forest, before it would be to live in a big city, and it's just the simplicity of what is most important and how do you make sure you're grounded in that. So I thought that was really interesting. Around I still shop a lot, but like getting rid of material things right, like how do you cut from your life rather than add it? Continue to feel like I need to do this and I need to do that, because then you're always chasing something.

Speaker 2: 35:43

And.

Speaker 1: 35:43

I feel like it's the same with being job free in many regards just feeling that resolves.

Speaker 2: 35:48

I love that idea of simplifying versus adding. I'm staring at 40. So maybe my 40s will be. What are you taking away from your life so you can focus on what's important?

Speaker 1: 35:59

Exactly, and I felt I feel like I've come to that time in my career too. Of course, I still have ambitions on continuing to grow in my career, but I think it looks a little different now, Like if I had the opportunity to start my own business versus BSC level. I don't know what I would choose right now, so I'm keeping these options open that 10 years ago, if someone asked me, I would have been like oh, absolutely, this is the path. But I think just being open open to different opportunities and also things take you different ways for different reasons and just being open to that I think is really important.

Speaker 2: 36:35

So I appreciate this so much, Rimpel. It was amazing to meet you. I'm so glad we were finally able to connect.

Speaker 1: 36:41

Yes, absolutely.

Speaker 2: 36:42

I am excited and jealous of your Madrid adventure. All right, take care. Bye, laura, and that's it for today. Thank you for joining me. If you enjoyed today's episode, don't forget to subscribe, or please consider leaving a review wherever you get your podcasts, and I'll see you next week. Bye.