Navigating Negative Co-Workers in Education: 5 Proven Strategies

Are you a teacher or school administrator tired of energy vampires draining your enthusiasm at school? 🧛‍♂️ Discover how to shield yourself from negativity while maintaining compassion for your colleagues. This episode is your ultimate guide to creating a positive school campus environment, even when surrounded by Debbie Downers and Buzzkill Bobs!

🎙️ Episode Highlights:

• Why avoiding toxic positivity in education is crucial for authentic growth 🌱
• The importance of protecting your peace in a challenging school environment 🛡️
• Five proven strategies to navigate negative co-workers effectively - even if they are your grade span team member or teaching partner 🗺️

🔑 Key Strategies in this episode:

1. Don't Take It Personally: Shift your paradigm and extend grace to others 🤝
2. Minimize Exposure: Proactively avoid negative situations when possible 🚶‍♀️
3. Validate and Bounce: Acknowledge feelings without getting pulled into negativity 🏃‍♂️
4. Set Boundaries: Establish clear norms for meetings and interactions 🚧
5. Increase Your EQ: Develop emotional intelligence for better relationships 🧠

🎯 Remember:

You have the power to create a positive educational future for those in your care. This podcast for teachers can help you navigate challenges with grace, composure, and empathy while staying empowered. 

Be sure to share this episode with other educators who want to thrive in teaching without being overwhelmed with negativity.

➡️ To get your FREE 🎁 PDF Guide The Professional Teacher's Guide to Saying "No" visit: www.gracestevens.com/sayno

Want to truly thrive in teaching without sacrificing your personal life? Check out the Elevated Teacher Experience here
Check out the best-selling Positive Mindset Habits for Teachers book here
And the #1 new release for educators Beat Teacher Burnout with Better Boundaries book here

Wanna get social?
https://www.tiktok.com/@gracestevensteacher
https://www.facebook.com/GraceStevensTeacher
https://www.Instagram.com/gracestevensteacher

Old school: Website : www.GraceStevens.com (courses, blog & freebies!)

Transcript

  Okay teacher friends, welcome back and here we are. This week's topic is the five proven steps to effectively navigate negative co workers. Now, I know we all have them. It's the beginning of the day, beginning of the week, beginning of the school year, whatever. You are all sparkly and full of optimism and, you know.

Maybe, not so much, that's okay, but you just live in your best teacher life and then you run into somebody and you know the person. They just suck the joy and the energy right out of you. If you could have bounced up like Baby Bambi, all full of excitement, when you're done talking to them, you are walking away like, ugh, like Yoda.

You've aged, you need to stick. You know what I'm talking about. It's the Debbie Downers.  It's the buzzkill bobs. Every campus has them. Every workplace has them. We need to have the skills, the mindset, the tools to protect our peace around that while still validating people and not being an asshole. Okay, so that's basically where we're going today my friends.

How to navigate negative coworkers in a way that has compassion, that helps you protect your peace. We're going to get right into it. on the inside.  Welcome to the Balance Your Teacher Life podcast, where we talk all things avoiding educator burnout, setting healthy boundaries, and achieving better work life balance. 

If you're passionate about education, but tired of it consuming your whole life, you have found your home in the podcast universe. I'm your host, Grace Stevens, and let's get going with today's show. 

Okay, first things. First, let me just say, I am in no way shaming anybody for being negative. This show is not about, you know.  Fake positivity.  What do they call that? Oh, toxic positivity, right?  Oh my goodness, let's not be toxically positive. What does that mean? It means that you just ignore all the issues that are there.

It would be like your gas gauge is on empty and instead of actually doing something, Dealing with that, being empowered, let's go choose, let's be proactive, put some gas in there before we run out. Instead of taking action, all you're going to do is, yeah, let's stick a happy face sticker on it, now I can't see the gas gauge, right?

How's that going to work out for you? Not very well. Okay, so I'm not about toxic positivity, however, I am about people protecting their peace and you need to be proactive about protecting your peace. And even though, of course, people, there are many complainers in the world and there are, it's not just in education.

And let's be honest. There's so much to complain about. Okay, so it's not that people aren't valid in their complaining. My question to you is, does it make you feel better?  When you've hung around somebody who I like to say is somebody who admires the problem. That's just somebody regurgitating how terrible things are, how awful this job is.

New policy is how terrible the kids are today. How worse the parents are than ever. Like every time you hear those superlatives, always, never, right? That's really an exaggeration. That's hyperbole. We're not really grounded in fact there. When you hang around those people, or if you engage. With people who are admiring the problem or my goodness, maybe it's you, the one admiring the problem.

Just ask yourself, do you feel better afterwards? Does it help you feel more, more empowered, more connected, or does it just bum you out basically? For me, it just always bummed me out. If somebody had a great idea, I want to hear it. But if you're just going to stand around  competing, my day is worse than yours.

I slept less than you. My kids are worse than yours. This parent was more ridiculous than your parent. Like if you're just going to get competitive about this misery it does nothing for me. It doesn't make me feel better. It doesn't make me feel worse. More empowered and I'm gonna stink it, avoid it.

And if I can't,  and I'm going to start eventually avoiding you. So that's basically what it is. People, you know, like attracts like. So if you want to be positive and feel empowered, you got to hang around those people. If you want to feel like, oh, woe is us, you know, go find those people. Okay. So if you are those people, woe is us, and you'd like woe is us, then go find another episode.

You're going to find me really annoying today. There's plenty of good episodes in this podcast in my back catalog here. There's probably some stuff that's great for you. Balance boundaries, all the things, working with parents, better communication skills. There is a wealth of knowledge in here. But this particular episode is for my friends, my peeps who want to minimize their exposure.

To negative coworkers, right? They value their peace. They work hard. They're proactive about getting a little sparkly, getting a little optimistic, being hopeful and wanting to feel empowered to help students and further the course of education and yeah, the negative Nellies are getting in the way.

Okay. So what are we going to do? All right. So now that that's out of the way, I'm not shaming anybody. I'm not invalidating anybody. Your complaints. are valid. Oh my word, are they ever valid? I am not better than everybody else. I am not saying teaching has never brought me to my knees. It has brought me to my knees.

It has brought me to hiding under the table. It has taken me to crying in the bathroom, right?  Like I have been there. And one of the things that helps is when I'm proactive. About protecting my peace. So here we go. How do you navigate  negative coworkers? Five proven steps. Number one, don't take it personally.

Right? I had the whole episode on the biggest paradigm shift you can have in life and in education is to assume that people are doing the best they can with the skills they have in the situation in which they are. They find themselves in, okay. I call that extending grace. Extend grace to people.

Understand that how people are reacting to you  is a reflection about how they feel, how their day is going, what skills they have. It is nothing about you, okay. Alright. So that's number one. Have a paradigm shift. Get curious about people. Alright.  I wonder what's leading them to have a different experience than me.

Or curious about yourself. Hmm. I wonder why people think it's okay to come and vent to me or complain to me for half an hour. What is it that I'm putting out there that sends that message that that's okay? All right, so in one way I'm saying don't take it personally. It's not an attack on you. But number two, I am asking you to get curious.

If you feel that you always get cornered by, you know, Buzzkill Bob,  ask yourself, what is it about my energy I'm putting out there that's kind of attracting that? Okay, so a contradiction there. Don't take what they say personally. But do look inside and say, what is this? Okay. So don't take it personally.

Don't get triggered. Okay. Number two, right? So these are five proven steps. Number one, have a paradigm shift and don't take it personally. Number two, just minimize your exposure. If you know that your staff room is the Dem of iniquity, like really, that all bad things are happening in there. People are sitting around complaining about kids, parents, administrators, other co workers.

Lordy, lordy, we've all been there. If that's the vibe that's happening, don't go in there. Find yourself a different lunch routine. Okay go for a nice walk with people who are happy. Go find a different tribe to hang with. OK, minimize your exposure. Now, I understand that that's not always possible.  What if  this person who is toxically negative is on your team?

T. Hmm. We're going to talk about point number four is going to be about setting boundaries and we're going to talk about it there, but to the best of your ability, minimize your exposure. If you know that's where the water cooler is, where all the problem admiring is happening, go fill up your water at home before you go to school, like just be proactive about avoiding it, right?

It's a big old pothole in the road. Right? Why don't you just drive around it? Like take the path of least resistance. Okay. That, that, that's going to help you. That attitude of taking the path of least resistance with a lot of things is going to help you. Like just, there's a pothole, you know, drive around it.

Okay. So.  Tip number one. Proven step. Don't take it personally. Have that paradigm shift. Number two. Minimize exposure. If you know that a particular committee is all about complaining or you've seen everybody who's signed up for that, you just sign up for something else. Okay? If the lunchroom is, is where the badgering has happened, eat lunch somewhere else.

All right. So number three.  Validate and bounce. Now I've talked about this before but this is my strategy, validate and bounce. When you run into somebody, maybe you do need to work with somebody who is, you know, feels particularly victimized by the The education system or bullied by a student or a parent or an administrator or woe betide have been there bullied by another coworker, right?

They have a lot to complain about, but you just, you know, you've given them solutions in the past  and you know, the difference between somebody who comes to you and ask for help or suggestions and somebody who's just complaining. Okay. But the first thing you need to do is just validate them. Their experience is real.

If somebody is. Run into them and they're like, oh my gosh, you'll never believe what happened. La, la, la, la, la, la, la. Then just, oh, you know, just three, a couple of simple sentences you can say. Okay, what you're going to say is, gosh, that sounds hard. Or, gosh, oh, I see why that's upsetting to you. Okay, just validate them.

Their experience is real. But what we're not going to do. Okay, what we're not going to do is compete. We're not going to throw our own story in. Now, I have been very guilty of this in the past. If somebody will start saying, Oh, this student did this, this, this. And then I'd say, Oh my gosh, and my student did this, this, this, and this.

I didn't realize what I was doing was competing and just prolonging the agony. What I thought I was doing was validating the person. I thought I was trying to make them feel better. I was trying to make them feel better like, Hey, I understand. I have a clown in my class, too. Well, hey, I understand, like, I, I, hey, this student is so challenging, their behavior is so off the charts, like, I want the other person not to feel that they got all the high maintenance kids or the high maintenance parents, right?

So, I thought I was doing it to make the other person feel better.  I wasn't doing it in a way that I thought it was competition. Like, well, you think you have it bad, I have it worse. It wasn't that. But what I was still doing was one, prolonging the conversation. Right? It was just making me feel bad. Again, it all comes down to, do you feel better after the conversation or worse?

And when I go crawling away like Yoda with my walking stick bent over all the wisdom in the world but no energy to like follow through on it, then, you know, it's a problem. So, I say validate and bounce. And what that means is you validate. Gosh, that sounds hard. Oof. Ooh, you're having a Monday, huh?

Like, oh wow, I understand why that's upsetting to you. Okay, and then bounce. Get the heck out of there. Hey, you know what? I gotta run.  Gotta run. Michael Beckwith has a wonderful presentation.  The answer is you. I don't know if you've ever seen it. It's on PBS. He's a spiritual teacher, but basically, it's a nice way of saying the, the, the problem is you.

The answer is you, but one of the things he says is one of his strategies is exactly this. I call it validate and bounce, but he says, Oh, Oh, gotta go. That's his strategy. You listen to the person, Oh, Oh, so you, you give signs that you're actively listening and then you get the heck out of there. So yeah, he's like, Oh, Oh, gotta go.

I'm more validate.  Give a nice sentence to validate somebody and then bounce. Hey, you know what? I got to be there somewhere. Oh, you know what? I have, Oh, I got to rush to the copy machine. I needed to pick something up, right? You, we're busy. You don't even have to make up a reason. You have a reason you need to get out of there.

So that's number three, validate and bounce. Okay. But number four,  I know you're gonna say, but Grace, oh my gosh, they're on my team. They are on my team. They're on my PLC. I got to work with them every week. They're my mentor. They're my mentee.  Whatever. They're my curriculum coach. They're my admin. Oh my word.

What if they were your admin? Oh, I'm so sorry. But the school secretary. Could be this. The school nurse could be this. Had all those situations right. What if the perps and people you have to work with every single day you can't just bounce out of there because you know you've got to work with them. Okay, so that's where strategy number four is. 

You've got to set some boundaries.  Okay, don't complain about the complainers. Okay, that's ironic.  I'm complaining about the complainers, right?  Set some boundaries. Be proactive. Don't be a victim. Set some norms. When you have a meeting, okay, the norms are this meeting will be no longer than X minutes. We will spend no longer than five minutes catching up, venting, sharing stories, doing whatever.

Set the timer.  Okay, set the timer.  Project the timer on the wall when people start coming in and milling. The timer is already going. There is a five minute cap on admiring the problem, sharing stories, sharing frustrations, whatever you want to call it, set a camp on it. Okay, what if you teach a bestie?

comes in your room at the beginning of every precious prep period and then you and she start chatting and before you know it your prep period's all gone and you're mad because you had so much stuff that you had planned to do during that time. Okay, what are you going to do? You're just going to tell them.

When they come in say, what? Hey, so happy to see you. You know what? Now, let's remember when we set boundaries, I've had lots of episodes on this. How do you set boundaries? I language. It's about your behavior. Nobody else's. Hey, so here's a sample script.  You know what? I've noticed I have so little self control when you're around.

You pop in and I just want to talk and hang out and chat and laugh. And I've promised myself this week, I will make 100 percent use of my prep period. So, hey, how about we catch up over lunch or how about we have a walk and talk lunch on Wednesday, or how about we set a time one prep period a week where me and you just hang out and have fun.

And then the rest of the time I am pedal to the metal.  Okay? It's a simple script. It's about your behavior. I'm trying to do this. I'm trying to be more productive during my prep period. I notice I have little self control around you. The time just flies by. I need to get some work done. Set some boundaries.

Set the norms at the beginning of the meeting. Okay? Set some boundaries. Okay, so where are we at so far?  I know I'm talking fast. Sorry. You guys are busy.  I figured if it's too fast, you can slow me down. Okay? Do you know there's a speed on your podcast? Just so you know. I just thought about that because I laugh because a lot of times I listen to podcasts at 1.

5 speed. I'm not sure you'd be able to keep up if I was at 1. 5 speed. So sorry about that. But let's review. First of all, here we are talking about Navigating negative co workers with compassion and grace, but being proactive. So far, the first four steps of don't take it personally, have that paradigm shift, that people are doing the best they can with the skills they have, that however they're reacting, what they're doing, what they're complaining about is not a direct reflection of you.

However,  Ask yourself, be curious, hmm, there's something about the way I show up in the world and I show up on campus that lets people think it's okay to come and complain to me non stop. Is there something in my behavior that's been encouraging that? Okay, so you can change your terms and conditions, just like Apple  updates their system without, you know.

Asking our opinion on that. You just get a button that says, Oop, new terms and conditions. You can have new terms and conditions. Just because you always acted a certain way in the past, people grow, people change, right? You can change the way you show up. All right. Number two, minimize exposure. Okay? If you know a person is like a pothole in the ground that would just soak you up, suck you up, exhaust you, demoralize you, Don't step in the pothole.

Walk around it. Really that simple. All right. Number three, validate and bounce. Okay. When you find yourself in a negative conversation, validate the person, their experience is real. Don't compete. Don't add energy. Don't add gasoline to that fire by sharing your stories. You are adding energy to it. And you are prolonging the conversation.

All right. Step number four, we'll set some boundaries.  All right. And then step number five. Oh my gosh. This is the work of a lifetime, but I promise you it's one of the things that this podcast can really help with.  Embedded, hidden in there. don't have a secret agenda, but I will tell you that kind of my specialty in life coaching is emotional intelligence.

And so I'm going to say number five,  Increase your EQ. Okay, your EQ is your emotional intelligence versus your IQ, right, in your intellect. So EQ is the soft skills. How do we regulate our emotions? Understand our emotions. Understand the emotions of other people. Work with other people. All these soft skills. 

Just don't get in your lane thinking, I work with kids, I don't need all these additional skills. Yes, you do. And they weren't taught to you in school. I'll tell you that. Don't go looking back to see, did I take emotional intelligence 101 or was I missing that day? You were not missing that day. It was not on your curriculum.

Okay, but you can learn the skills. Listen to personal development podcasts, not just professional development, right? Trying to be the best version of you. Understanding that when you compete, you're only competing with yourself, right? There is a meme and I feel it in my soul. It says, you can't compete with me because I want you to win too.

Oh, I think I need to make a little lunchbox love note about that mini episode on that kind of paradigm shift. Okay, just try and be a better version of yourself than you were yesterday or last week or last year. That's it. That's what it's about. Avoid the comparison game. of comparing yourself to other people, see if you have grown yourself, see if you can stretch and increase your own emotional intelligence.

Okay, all right, that is it for this week. May all your interactions be positive. Now that's a big wish that I'm putting out there into the universe. And if they're not all positive, may you navigate them with grace and composure and empathy, but feeling grateful. Empowered. Okay. That's the point of it all.

All right. I love you. I trust that you can create a better educational future for those who are in your care. I will talk to you next week. In the meantime, create your own path and bring your own sunshine.