Understanding Grief: Navigating Loss with Compassion and Empathy

Discover the multifaceted journey of grief with me, Anthonia Oluwabunmi Uddin, on this deeply heartfelt episode of the Discussion Den Podcast. Have you ever wondered why grief feels so overwhelming and unpredictable? We explore the raw and often misunderstood emotions tied to loss, from the death of a loved one to life-altering changes. You’ll walk away with a better understanding of navigating your grief and supporting others in their unique journeys. We emphasize that there's no right or wrong way to grieve—your experience is your own, and seeking counsel or joining support groups can be invaluable steps toward healing.

Supporting someone who is grieving can feel like walking on eggshells, but it doesn't have to be. We dive into the nuances of offering genuine support—listening without judgment, showing empathy, and providing practical help. You'll learn what to avoid saying, such as clichéd or religious remarks that can inadvertently cause more harm than good. Instead, we offer guidance on how to be a comforting presence, respecting each person’s unique process. Tune in for actionable advice and compassionate insights that can make a difference for you and your loved ones.

Transcript

Anthonia Oluwabunmi Uddin: 0:00

Bonjour tout le monde. Mon nom est Anthonia Oluwabunmi Uddin et bienvenue chez le Discussion Den Podcast. Hello everyone, my name is Anthonia Oluwabunmi Uddin and Welcome to the Discussion Den Podcast. I am your Captain and Host on tonight's episode, which is the 10th episode, and it's proudly sponsored by Bunmi's Kitchen, the number one Virtual /Online Restaurant in Montreal, Quebec, Canada. Kindly patronize them by ordering food and drinks from their website through the menu section at www. bunmiskitchen. ca So, guys, grab a cup of coffee and your headphones as we delve into today's topic, which is 'Grief'.

Anthonia Oluwabunmi Uddin: 0:47

What is Grief? Grief is a universal experience that touches us all at some point in our lives. Grief is a natural response to loss, whether it be the death of a loved one, the end of a relationship or a major change in our life. It encompasses a range of emotions, including sadness, anger, guilt and confusion. What causes grief? Grief can be caused by different types of losses, such as the death of a loved one, divorce, breakup of a relationship, loss of a job, breakup of engagements and even a significant life change. It is a universal human experience we cannot escape. How do we deal with grief? Dealing with grief is a personal journey and there is no right or wrong way to grief. It is important to allow yourself to feel your raw emotions and seek support from other people, like going for counselling, therapy and support groups within your vicinity. It's a process of adjusting to a new reality without the person or thing that we have lost. How long does it take to grieve? There is no time limit for grieving and it can vary greatly from person to grief. There is no time limit for grieving and it can vary greatly from person to person. Some may find solace in time, while others take longer to come to terms with their loss. It is important to be patient with yourself and allow yourself the time you need to heal. How do you help someone who is grieving? Listen by offering a listening ear. Showing empathy and providing practical support can go a long way in helping someone navigate their grief. Give them time and space to heal at their own pace. What should we know about people who grieve? Everyone experiences grief differently. Your type of grief is different from my type of grief and it's important to respect each person's unique process.

Anthonia Oluwabunmi Uddin: 2:53

What do you do or say or not do or not say to someone who is in grief? Avoid cliches and avoid griefing and avoid pressurizing anyone who is in grief. Allow the griefing person to express their emotions without judgment or resentment. Simply being present and offering your support can be a welcome idea. It can actually make a whole lot of difference.

Anthonia Oluwabunmi Uddin: 3:23

Guard your tongue, as it's better to say nothing at all than to spew out foolishness. Words like God give it and God take it is a very heartless statement to say to anyone who has just lost a loved one yes, god give it and God take it. What does that mean? Someone just lost their child to cancer and you come in to say you want to console them and then you say God give it and God take it. Like seriously, brother? That doesn't sound right. Another lame statement we must desist from saying to someone in grief is he or she is dead and gone? You should move on with your life now? Like, how dare you say that he or she is dead and gone? You should move on with your life now, okay?

Anthonia Oluwabunmi Uddin: 4:13

Other examples of what not to say to someone in grief includes they are in a better place now. No, they are not in a better place now. Are you saying the person who just left, who just died, now the child, the nine-year-old child who just died of leukemia, is in a better place now? Tell me what better place? Everybody cannot be a Christian, everybody cannot be a Muslim. Everybody cannot be the same religion. I definitely know this is a religious statement, but do not push your religion on other people. It's better to say nothing at all than to talk rubbish. There's some things you just don't say at all, okay.

Anthonia Oluwabunmi Uddin: 4:53

Another one is everything happens for a reason, like what happens for a reason. They just died, their father just died. You say everything happens for a reason. Like What? What does that statement mean? Everything happens for a reason. Man, I know how you feel, madam. How, how? How does she feel? How does she feel? She just lost her husband. Tell me how does she feels, because you just said to her I know how you feel. You do not know. No, you do not know how she feels. You don't tell people. I know how you feel, uh. Another one is um, you'll get a right eventually. Listen, does this sound right? You'll get a right eventually. It doesn't make sense, guys, let's stop this.

Anthonia Oluwabunmi Uddin: 5:38

Don't open your mouth to tell somebody you will get over it eventually, just when they are grieving the loss of their loved one. Statements like this come across as rude, dismissive, insensitive, invalidating the person's emotions and lots more. It shows that you're a mean person. Actually. It's important to be mindful of our words and be supportive and understanding. When someone is grieving, it's also helpful to check up on them regularly. I'm going to say this now when I say it's helpful to check up on them regularly. I'm going to say this now when I say it's helpful to check up on them regularly, I don't mean call that person who is mourning the death of her husband at 6 am.

Anthonia Oluwabunmi Uddin: 6:27

Use your common sense. Don't call someone who just lost their child at 6 am. Don't call somebody who is in grief at 10 pm. They are going to sleep, bro. It's too early to call anyone at 6 am or 7 am just because you want to pay your condolences. Your condolences can wait. Call them during regular time hours. Call them around 10 in the morning. Don't call someone at 6 am. Don't call someone at 11 pm. It doesn't make sense, it's not polite. Don't call someone at 11pm. It doesn't make sense, it's not polite, even in the course of us Trying to be nice or trying to extend Concern and all that and show, pay condolences. Let us pay condolences the right way. Let us use our common sense when we are trying to pay condolences or trying to visit or trying to check up on people who are in grief.

Anthonia Oluwabunmi Uddin: 7:23

What anyone in grief should know, by seeking professional help if needed, or engaging in therapeutic activities and allowing ourselves to feel and process our raw emotions, are very crucial. Steps towards healing, such as practicing self-care, can aid the healing process. Traveling with friends and family, going to the spa for massage therapy, going for yoga sessions, watching comedy shows, listening to music of our choice, listen listen to music of our choice can actually help. When we go through breakups, when you have your heart broken, that is when a very good playlist of R&B music would help you. Trust me, so many people have gone through heartbreak or divorce by having a very good playlist, listening to music that has helped them through heartbreak or through divorce, and so much more. Staying hydrated, eating healthy foods, will do us a lot of good. Visiting modern nature like parks, lakes, natural fountains, botanical gardens, zoos, insectariums and going for live concerts of our favorite artists, you know, visiting the gym, salsa, rumba all of these things can help and do whatever interests you.

Anthonia Oluwabunmi Uddin: 8:44

Healing from grief is not a linear process and it can take time. Some may find it easy to move on, while some may struggle for several years. But overall, it's important to forgive yourself, to be patient with yourself, to be kind to yourself and to navigate through these challenging times by accepting help and seeking support when needed. It took me a lot of time to forgive myself when my father passed away, because you know my father. May God rest his soul.

Anthonia Oluwabunmi Uddin: 9:20

He died on March 11. And I remember him telling me to go to bed. I was writing my WAEC exams at that time. It was a Sunday, March 11, 2001. And he told me to go to bed. Even after I did my best, I put in, I saw that his temperature was extreme. His heartbeat was so fast. I got a kitchen towel, put it in cold water, and tried to massage him. I went to get his nurse, who happens to be his uncle as well. The uncle came, checked up on him, checked his vital signs and said it was okay. And then my father said go to sleep. I never liked to disobey my father. I went to sleep.

Anthonia Oluwabunmi Uddin: 9:58

I was 15, I was tired and shortly after that, my mother woke me up telling me my father died. I was in shock. I touched my father. I was crying daddy, daddy, daddy. I realized my father. His leg was off the sofa because I laid just, adjacent to his own. My sofa was just adjacent to him. I just did not hear him pass away. I don't know what kind of sleep that was. I slept, I know I didn't sleep too long. How could I have slept? And I didn't know when my father was dying. It took me several years to forgive myself because I kept asking myself why did I even sleep. Why did I go to sleep? How come I didn't hear when my father was dying? How come I Slept, You know, if I was awake, I would have seen him when he died. Maybe I could have done something.

Anthonia Oluwabunmi Uddin: 10:56

So to everyone out there who has lost a loved one and they are fighting themselves and, you know, feeling guilty please forgive yourself, please be kind to yourself, please, and I pray that may God rest. May the souls of all the faithful departed through the mercy of God rest in peace, amen. I pray that everyone who has lost their loved one, I pray for you today, that you have the strength to carry on. I pray that God gives you the strength, the fortitude to bear your loss and I pray for the repose of the souls of all of the souls departed. At this juncture, I want to say thank you for listening to this podcast.

Anthonia Oluwabunmi Uddin: 11:46

I also want to admonish you that some days are going to be really bad and some days are gonna be really good. Some days you will be so happy it will seem like you are forgotten about your grief or your loved one, and some days you will just be in your feelings and you will cry non-stop. Embrace each day, embrace each moment. Embrace it. Some days will be good and some days will be bad, but overall, be kind to yourself. It's okay. It's okay to cry. Even after one year, I do the same. I lost my elder brother. I lost my dad. Trust me, I still cry.

Anthonia Oluwabunmi Uddin: 12:36

Nobody should tell you how to grieve. Nobody should tell you you shouldn't cry. It's okay to cry. It's okay to not feel okay when you're not okay. It's okay to say you're not okay. Don't pretend, don't hide, it's fine. It's okay to go visit them At the cemetery, to visit their gravesite. It's okay to put flowers on their tombstone. It's okay to pay Any professional to paint their tomb, to fix the grasses. It's okay to have their pictures in your locket. It's okay to engrave the names of your loved ones on your necklace. It's okay to have their pictures in your Bibles or your Quran. It's okay for you to put their pictures in your phone as your screensaver. It's okay to have a moment of silence for them, to pray for them. Nobody should ever tell you how to grieve. Nobody should ever tell you how to grieve. It's not in anybody's place to tell you the time duration of of of how to mourn your loved one.

Anthonia Oluwabunmi Uddin: 13:42

And at this juncture, I want to say thank you to everyone who has been listening to all of my episodes and who has been sharing all of the episodes to my podcast. I want to say thank you. God bless you. Don't forget to a virtual/ online Restaurant. Go to their website, www. bumiskitchen. ca, and buy from them. Thank you so much. Until the next episode, which will be the 11th Episode, stay safe, stay hydrated, mind your business and I love you all. Please share my podcast channel with your friends, family, colleagues and associates. I love you. Bye for now. Kisses.