So I had two choices. I could either one, escalate with them, which is easy to do when you're caught off guard, or two, stop and breathe. Being present is more than just physically showing up. It's about fully engaging with the current moment, free from distractions and preoccupations.
Hi, welcome to Special Needs Moms Circle of Strength. The podcast where we shine a spotlight on the incredible journey of moms who are raising children with special needs. I'm your host, Valerie, and I'm honored to bring you to a place where the voices of these amazing moms can be heard through a collection of narratives that embody resilience, hope, and strength. Whether you're a parent, a family member, a caregiver, a friend, or simply someone seeking to learn, join us as we embark on this journey of love and connection. Get ready to be uplifted, enlightened, and inspired.
This is Special Needs Moms Circle of Strength. I'm Valerie, and I'm so thrilled you've chosen to be a part of our circle.
I'm so glad you're here. I'm a special needs mom on a mission to let other special needs moms know that I see you, I hear you, and I want to walk alongside you on this journey. I have a health and life coaching certification, and I empower special needs moms to experience calm in the chaos by having them secure a time out. Bet you want to know what that looks like? Well, you can check out my website, Coaching with Valerie Anne.
Hello and welcome to this week's episode, The Power of Presence, Embracing the Now. Today we'll be breaking down this topic into #1, understanding presence, 2), overcoming distractions, 3), mindful practices for daily life, and 4), nurturing a present mindset. So, I have a friend that often starts her stories with, "Picture this. I am sitting at my desk, doing my work, minding my own business.
Our youngest child is 19 and they live in the basement of our home, and they have two cats. I hear my 19-year-old stomping up the stairs, and they barge into my room. Well, actually, they knock on the door first, then they barge into my room, my office. " Where are those litter trays? I know there's more litter trays. Where are they?” So, I had two choices. I could either, one, escalate with them, which is easy to do when you're caught off guard, or two, stop and breathe. Being present is more than just physically showing up. It's about fully engaging with the current moment, free from distractions and preoccupations. In today's fast-paced world, the ability to be present has become increasingly challenging, yet profoundly essential for our well-being and for that of our family. So let's define presence. Being present entails consciously directing our attention to the here and the now, immersing ourselves fully in the present moment without judgment. Get that? Without judgment or attachment to the past or the future. It involves tuning into our senses, thoughts and emotions, and embracing whatever arises with openness and curiosity.
So let me tell you, this is not something that happens overnight. It takes intentionality and practice, practice, practice. So the practice of presence holds immense benefits for our mental, emotional and physical health. It reduces stress. One of the most significant benefits of practicing presence is its ability to alleviate stress and promote inner peace. When we're fully engaged in the present moment, we're less likely to ruminate on past regrets or worry about future uncertainties. And as moms of kids with special needs or children with disabilities, that's something that's not that easy. We do worry about future uncertainties.
Instead, when we're practicing presence, we anchor ourselves in the here and now, allowing stress to melt away as we embrace the reality of the present moment.
Research has shown that mindfulness-based practices, which cultivate presence, can reduce levels of cortisol. It's that stress hormone, and then that leads to a calmer, more resilient mind.
Another benefit is improved relationships. Presence is the cornerstone of authentic connection and meaningful relationships. When we're fully present with others, we listen attentively, we empathize deeply, and communicate with sincerity. This fosters trust, intimacy, and mutual respect, strengthening the bonds between individuals.
By practicing presence in our interactions, we cultivate a sense of presence in our relationships, creating space for genuine connection and understanding to flourish. Another benefit is enhanced overall happiness. Who wouldn't? Who couldn't use that? Living in the present moment is the key to unlocking lasting happiness and fulfillment. When we're fully present, we're able to appreciate life's simple pleasures, savoring each moment with gratitude and joy. By letting go of regrets from the past and worries about the future, we free ourselves from the burdens of negativity and dissatisfaction.
Instead, we cultivate a sense of contentment and acceptance, finding beauty and meaning in the present moment.
Research has shown that individuals who regularly practice mindfulness and presence report higher levels of subjective wellbeing and life satisfaction.
And here's another benefit.
Physical health benefits. Practicing presence can also have tangible benefits on our physical health. Studies have found that mindfulness-based practices such as meditation and yoga can actually lower your blood pressure, strengthen the immune system, and improve your quality of sleep. By reducing stress and promoting relaxation, presence creates an optimal environment for the body to heal and to thrive. And this one helps me. Other benefits include enhanced focus and productivity.
By eliminating distractions and honing our attention on the task at hand, we become more efficient and effective in our endeavors. And another thing that benefits me is this better decision-making when we're present. We're better equipped to make thoughtful, deliberate choices based on our values and priorities rather than reacting impulsively or habitually.
So, back to the two choices that I had last week. I could either 1) escalate with my child, or 2) stop and breathe. Raise your hand if your go-to is number one. I'm right there with you. Now, this particular Friday, I was actually able to do number two. Yay! Let's celebrate! I was able to, in this situation, engage my brain before I opened my mouth. Not an easy feat. So, I was able to acknowledge with my child that I heard this big thud and I was able to ask them what happened. I listened attentively. So, what had happened was they were cleaning up the litter tray. And they have one of those automatic litter trays where you put in a cartridge, it's got lots of crystals, it has a box at the end, and then it has this wide-tooth comb thing that when the cats have done their business, it gets scooped up and moved into this box. So, when the box is full, you put on a lid for the whole cartridge, take it out, and put it in the garbage. So, my child was moving this cartridge and they dropped it. That was the big thud.
So, I appreciate, and you can imagine, picture this, the crystal litter all over the floor, clumps of wet litter, cat poop all over the floor. This did not make my child happy. You can appreciate why they were upset and angry.
So, by me stopping and doing number two, which was stopping and breathing, I was able to have a measure of control in this situation because one, I validated the situation. Two, I showed empathy. Three, my child knew that I was listening. And four, it diffused their, let's say, annoyance and frustration.
Now, there are challenges to being present.
Despite its benefits, maintaining presence can be challenging in a world that's filled with constant distractions and demands for our attention. So, common obstacles to presence include technological distractions.
Yes, we have an abundance of smartphones, social media is beckoning us, digital devices that can hijack our attention and pull us away from the present moment.
Another thing that can distract us is ruminating thoughts. Dwelling on past regrets or worrying about the future can prevent us from fully experiencing the present.
Multitasking is another one. Juggling multiple tasks simultaneously can fragment our attention and diminish our ability to focus on any one thing. So, was I experiencing challenges to being present on that Friday morning? You bet. I was at my computer, technological distraction. I heard the thumping up the stairs, and you know you just know, right? My mind was already going places it probably shouldn't have. I was very aware of my extraordinary ability to multitask, and thankfully, on this particular Friday, I listened to my brain and I stopped what I was doing. I turned in my seat and I looked at my child as they barked out the question regarding the cat litter trays.
So, what are some mindful practices that you can engage in for daily life? I want to know. Breathwork is one of my go-tos. Here are some other ways to practice mindfulness in everyday life.
#1) Mindful breathing. Spend a few minutes each day focusing on your breath. Notice the sensation of the air entering and leaving your nostrils, the rise and the fall of your chest, and the rhythm of your breathing. And when can you do this? You can do this anytime, such as first thing in the morning, during a break at work, or before you go to bed. And sometimes you might even want to try it while you're in bed and you're trying to get off to sleep.
2) Mindful eating. Pay full attention to the process of eating. Notice the colors, the textures, and the aromas of your food.
Chew slowly and savor each bite, noticing the flavors and the sensation in your mouth. And when can you do this? During any meal or snack time.
3) Mindful walking. Take a walk and focus on the sensation of your feet touching the ground. Now, this might be something you want to do when it's warmer weather and grounding and walking in bare feet.
And notice the movement of your body and the environment around you. Notice the sounds, the sights, and the smells. And when can you do this? During a daily walk, notice I said daily, whether it's a short stroll or a longer journey.
4) Mindful listening. When conversing with someone, give them your full attention. Listen to their words without planning your response. Notice their tone of voice, their facial expressions, and their body language. And when can you do this? During any conversation with family, friends, or colleagues.
And during that Friday morning, when I turned and listened to my child explain what had happened, I was able to put some of these into practice. I was able to notice their tone of voice, their facial expressions, and their body language, which told me a lot.
5) Mindful observation. Take a few moments to observe your surroundings. Choose an object like a plant or a piece of art, or a view from your window, and observe it closely. Notice its details, the colors, the shapes, and the textures. When? You can do this any time you have a few moments to pause and look around. And that's something I've started doing when I am doing my work. I spend a lot of time at my computer, so I do take intentional breaks of looking away from my screen and looking outside the window, or taking a little walk and go find another scene that I can look at. I love having plants in my home, so sometimes I take a look at my plants and I'm looking at how they're developing, how they're growing. So, take a few moments to pause and look around.
6) Mindful journaling. Spend a few minutes each day writing about your thoughts, your feelings, and your experiences. Focus on the act of writing and expressing yourself without judgment. And when can you do this? You can do it first thing in the morning, you can do it before you go to bed, and this is where some people do that dump where they are releasing all the thoughts, all the judgment, all the negativity that they may have experienced during the day. And also, you can write about your wins. What went well? What challenges did you face like a champion?
7) Body scan meditation. Lie down or sit comfortably and bring your attention to different parts of your body, starting from your toes and moving up towards your head. Notice any sensations, any tensions, or any relaxation. And when can you do this? Before you go to bed, when you wake up, or during a break in the day.
8) Mindful stretching. Incorporate gentle stretches into your routine, focusing on the sensations in your muscles and your joints. Pay attention to your body's signals and move slowly and deliberately. And over the last few months, this is something that I've been doing. My brother is into yoga and Qigong. I never say that right. I'm not sure if I got that right. Anyway, he taught me a couple of moves, and I have to say, it's been very beneficial. I was having issues with my shoulder, but I've been doing a stand and receive pose, and that has been helping my shoulder. My shoulder is feeling so much better, but it's just an opportunity to stretch and to move deliberately and slowly in the mornings.
All right, gratitude.
9) Gratitude practice. Take a few moments each day to reflect on what you're grateful for. Sometimes our situations are hard, and some days are harder than others. But looking intentionally for something to be grateful for is a huge beneficial practice. So write down at least three things, and if you can't find three things, think of one thing, big or small, that you can appreciate. And when can you do this? You can do this in the morning or before you go to bed, or any time in the day when you have a few moments.
10) Mindful technology use. Set intentions for how you use technology. Take breaks from scenes, and when using devices, do so with purpose and awareness. We do spend, I know we're all guilty of scrolling mindlessly through our phones, but I just want to remind you, when you're doing that, some people feel like it might be relaxing, but you're actually making judgments each time you scroll, because you're having to think about what it is you're looking at. Do I like it? Do I not? Am I comparing? Am I not? Lots of judgment is going on, and so that takes up a lot of space in our minds. So think about when you're using your devices, use them purposefully, and be aware of how much time you're spending on them. So when can you do this? Throughout your day, especially during work or leisure time.
Mindful daily routines, number 11. Turn routine activities like brushing your teeth, washing dishes, or loading the dishwasher. I still do wash dishes. Or when you're showering. Turn these into mindfulness practices by paying full attention to the sensations and the actions that are involved. And you can do this during any daily routine.
So, developing a present mindset goes beyond just practicing specific techniques, like meditation or mindfulness, some of the things that we've just spoken about. It involves cultivating a fundamental shift in how we perceive and engage with the world around us. Here's some guidance on fostering a present mindset.
1) So, cultivating awareness. Start by becoming more aware of your thoughts, your emotions, and your bodily sensations throughout the day. Notice when your mind starts to wander into the past or the future and gently guide your attention back to the present moment. Pay attention to your surroundings and the sensory experiences unfolding in real time. Practice engaging with the sights, the sounds, the smells, the tastes, and textures of the present moment with curiosity and openness.
2) Embrace acceptance. Practice accepting things as they are, without judgment or resistance. And I have come to embrace the phrase, "It is what it is." Recognize that the present moment is the only reality. And wishing for it to be different only leads to suffering. Embrace the impermanence of life and the constant flux of experiences. Let go of attachment to outcomes and learn to find peace amidst life's inevitable ups and downs. We know about the ups and downs, right?
3) Cultivate gratitude. We've talked about this. Cultivate a mindset of gratitude by appreciating the small moments of beauty enjoy that exist in everyday life. Take time to reflect on the things you're thankful for, no matter how simple or mundane they may seem. Shift your focus from what you lack to what you have, recognizing the abundance that surrounds you in each moment.
4) Practice non-attachment. Let go of the need to control outcomes or claim to specific expectations. Now this has been a work in progress for me. I am very much a task orientated person. I am very much a ‘like to be in control’ person. So this has been work for me, a lot of work for me. And I'm still working on it. So instead of needing to control, I want you to embrace the uncertainty of life and trust in the unfolding of each moment. Recognize that attachment to outcomes or identities only leads to suffering and constraints and our ability to fully experience the present moment.
5) Engage fully. Commit to showing up fully in every aspect of your life, whether it's work, relationships or leisure activities. Approach each moment with presence, intention and authenticity. Practice deep listening and genuine connection in your interactions with others, fostering meaningful relationships grounded in mutual respect and understanding.
6) Stay curious and open. Approach each moment with a sense of curiosity and wonder. So in other words, get back to thinking like a child. Maintain an open mind attitude towards the unfolding of life's experiences. Allow yourself to be present with whatever arises, embracing the full spectrum of emotions and sensations without judgment or avoidance. And I mentioned earlier that I'm doing that receive pose that my brother taught me. So I just stand with my feet shoulder width apart. I look up, I raise my hands so I'm in a kind of a Y shape. So my hands are up to receive. And I've actually now started the practice of “Lord, whatever the good, the bad and the ugly of today, help me to receive it with grace and with expectation that You will help me through it.
So I just want to point out a couple of books that you might want to explore.
One of them is called "Wherever You Go, There You Are, Mindfulness Meditation in Everyday Life." This is by John Kabat-Zinn. He is a pioneer in the field of mindfulness-based stress reduction. And he shares practical guidance on integrating mindfulness into daily life.
And another book is "The Mindful Brain, Reflection and Attunement in the Cultivation of Wellbeing." This is by Daniel J. Siegel. He is a renowned psychiatrist and mindfulness teacher. And he explores the neuroscience of mindfulness and its implications for mental health and well-being.
And there's a couple of websites that you could check out, mindful.org, which features articles, guided practices, and resources on mindfulness meditation and living with greater awareness. And another website you can check out for our Canadian audience is the Center for Mindfulness Studies. This is based in Toronto. The Center for Mindfulness Studies offers mindfulness-based programs, workshops, and teacher training for individuals, organizations, and healthcare professionals.
And there are some apps out there, 10% Happier, which has been created by journalist Dan Harris. This offers mindfulness practices, meditation courses, and expert interviews to help users reduce stress and increase happiness. And another app is Smiling Mind. And this is an Australian-based organization that offers a free mindfulness app with guided meditations and mindfulness exercises for all ages, including specific programs for children and adolescents.
So thank you for joining me on this journey to explore the enormous benefits of being present and incorporating mindfulness into our daily lives. We've discussed the importance of presence not just as a fleeting state of mind, but as a transformative way of living that enhances our mental, emotional, and physical well-being. By being present, we can reduce stress, improve our relationships, and cultivate a deeper sense of happiness and fulfillment. We've explored practical strategies for developing a present mindset and practicing gratitude.
So we've also shared a variety of mindful practices that you can seamlessly integrate into your daily routine from mindful breathing and eating to mindful walking and journaling. Remember, the journey to presence is not about perfection but about making small, intentional changes that bring more awareness and mindfulness into your life. Start with one or two practices that resonate with you and then gradually expand your mindfulness toolkit. As you move forward, I encourage you to explore the resources that were mentioned, and I'll have them in the show notes as well. These tools can offer further guidance and support on your path to living more mindfully. So thank you for tuning into this episode. I hope it has inspired you to embrace the power of presence and find more joy and peace in the present moment. If you have any questions, feedback, or topics you'd like us to cover in future episodes, then please reach out. Don't forget to rate and review the podcast. I would so appreciate that. Until next time, take a deep breath, be present, and enjoy the journey of mindfulness.
Oh, you're wondering how the story ended.
I took my breath, I sat, I thought for a second, and I said, "Oh, that's not a great way to start a Friday morning now, is it?" I was quiet. I let them continue the conversation. I told them that I would get them a litter tray. I left them for about five minutes to wander back down to their space, and then I took a new litter tray down to them. I smiled at them, and then I took up some garbage from their room on my way back upstairs, a small way of showing that I cared.
Live with intention. Embrace the journey.
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