First episode with our new focus - three moms talk about their forever home solutions

Episode Summary: In this first episode of Forever Home for our kids with disabilities, we explore various options for creating a forever home for children with disabilities. I speak with two moms who have taken different approaches to ensure their children have a secure and supportive living environment. We hear from Cheryll  Wagner about apartment living with support; Dr. Lisa Campbell on choosing a residential facility for her daughter; and I share the solutions my husband and I created for our two children.

Key Takeaways:

1.  Cheryll Wagner’s Story – Apartment Living with Support: (skip back to episode 41 for full episode) 

- Cheryll has two sons with disabilities who live in an apartment with support services.

- She highlights the importance of fostering independence while ensuring they have the assistance they need.

- This option works well for individuals who can manage some aspects of daily life but still require structured support.

2.   Dr. Lisa Campbell’s Journey – Choosing a Residential Facility: (skip back to episode 42 for full episode) 

- Dr. Campbell shares her emotional journey of placing her daughter Jasmine in a residential facility.

- She discusses the cultural and personal challenges she faced in making this decision.

- Despite the difficulty, she found that this choice allowed both her and her daughter to grow and thrive.

- Over time, Jasmine moved between different facilities that best suited her needs, ultimately thriving in an environment where she could make choices and live on her terms.

3.  My Personal Experience – Two Unique Housing Solutions:

- My husband and I made the decision to transition our oldest daughter, Melody-Anne, into a supported living environment within our own home.

- We moved out and had two other young women with disabilities join her, while an agency provided 24-hour care.

- This choice allowed Melody-Anne to remain in a familiar setting while gaining independence and developing essential social skills.

- For our youngest child, we created a separate legal basement suite with the goal of fostering gradual independence.

- While they are not yet ready to move in, we remain hopeful that, with time and support, they will gain the necessary skills to transition successfully.

Final Thoughts: This episode highlights that there is no one-size-fits-all solution when it comes to housing for children with disabilities. Each family must consider their unique circumstances, cultural expectations, and what will best support their child’s growth and well-being.

If you found this episode helpful, please share it with other parents, caregivers, or family members who could benefit from these insights. And, if you're ready to start planning your child's forever home but aren't sure where to begin, I invite you to connect with me—I’d love to brainstorm with you!

Stay Connected:

·  Sign up for my monthly newsletter for insights and guidance on planning a forever home for your child. Email me at hello.hellocoachingwithvalerieanne.com.

·  Follow the podcast for more inspiring stories and practical advice.

Until next time - Live with Intention - Embrace the Journey!

Learn more about your host at:
https://coachingwithvalerieanne.com/

Transcript

Hello and welcome to today’s episode under our brand-new focus of expanding horizons around (ta da, our new name) ‘forever home for our kids with disabilities.’

The show is dedicated to helping parents create a forever home for their child.

I'm Valerie, a life coach, author, and a mom on this journey myself. My mission is to empower parents to build a secure, sustainable future for their children—one where their child can thrive independent of their parents, with the right supports in place.

Through my own experience and the experiences of other parents, I’ve learned that building a forever home takes planning, advocacy, and community. 

In today’s episode, you’ll hear from moms—myself included—who have taken steps to ensure their child has a forever home. These stories highlight different approaches families have used that you can consider, as you explore what the future for your child will look like.

Are you ready? Let’s get to it!

My first guest is:

Cheryll Wagner has been riding the entrepreneurial wave since she was 13 years old. Cheryll became a special needs mom at the age of 21. Her two grown sons both have special needs and being their mom has taught her more than any MBA program ever could. Two years ago, both of her boys moved out on their own with supports. Last year, Cheryll and her husband became therapeutic foster parents because they know that they can make a difference in the lives of these kiddos.

Cheryll is the woman behind BYO Business Strategy and Consulting. Cheryll focuses on workshops, mentorship, business consulting and masterminds that are geared towards women in business. Cheryll's mission is to help entrepreneurs turn their dreams into reality. Specifically, Cheryll helps women entrepreneurs smash their personal roadblocks when it comes to the imposter within and growing into confident entrepreneurs willing to bet on themselves. 

Here’s Cheryll and I talking about how she launched her two boys in British Columbia Canada from episode 41. (Skip back to hear the full episode)

By the way! It was so cool! Cheryll and I had not seen each other for 19 years and reconnected as we began recording the following episode and I realized that she was familiar!

“And I have to say, sending my kids out on their own was scary. It was really scary, allowing them to move out into an apartment by themselves, while they're together. But without me overtop helicopter parenting, because I've tried really hard not to, but how do you not when you're still changing bottoms at nine years old, right? It's really difficult to not helicopter parent to special needs child, but the more you can allow them to experience things without you, the stronger they will be.

Yeah, absolutely. So you'd mentioned launching your children and I have launched my oldest as well, but tell us, how did you pull that out for your boys?

Oh.

(Laughs)

So, we moved out to the country two years prior and it was like right at the beginning of COVID. So I told them two years, you have two years and we're going to try, we're gonna get you on the list because they really wanted to live independently.

So at the two year mark, it was two years to the day, they signed the lease on their apartment. And it was one of those things that we just kept working with them and getting them to be a little bit more independent, doing a little bit more cooking, but they have a support worker that comes in a couple of times a week and she helps them do some cleaning, the stuff that's harder for them. She helps them do some meal preparation so they're not just taking the easy way out and eating Kraft dinner or going to Subway, whatever it is, right? So it's getting them to make some healthy meals and stuff that are saved up so that when they don't feel like cooking, they still have a healthier choice than Ramen noodles. But, and you know, it's funny because I look at it and go, you know what? There's lots of 24- and 22-year-olds that are eating Ramen noodles and they're eating Kraft dinner and all these things, I don't need to micromanage this. They're gonna be okay, they're not starving, but that is hard. It is a self-talk process. It really is difficult to cut some of those apron strings on the control. I do struggle with it all the time, especially my youngest. He has no money management skills whatsoever, so I do have to really manage what he gets because it'll be spent within five minutes of him getting it. So I do help him to manage his money. But for the most part, you know, it's a matter of, here, here's 50 bucks spending money this week. That's all you got. So whatever you choose to spend it on, that's up to you, but know that that's the well dries up at the end of that.

Great.

So yeah, it's lessons like that, you know? So working with your kids to build some money management skills early, you know, so that they have a little bit of an understanding of what things cost. Don't just fill the cart, but explain things to them as they're growing up because they do glean, they're not gonna glean all the information all the time, but if you repeat it often enough, they soak it in.

Yeah, something will stick for sure. So I'm just gonna take you back for a second. Do you mention that the boys got on a list? What list are you talking about?

Oh, okay, so they are, well, they're on a couple of lists, but they're on a housing subsidy list. We're still on the wait list for that. And then we've just got them in a regular apartment right now, but we have them on a list for a different type of housing as well. And if that comes available, then we'll look at that time, whether or not where they're at is working or if they should change situations. So the biggest thing is, is, you know, there are two brothers that fight and they don't really wanna live together anymore. So it's really imperative with the cost of housing that they're able to get some rental subsidy on top of their disability so that they can live independently away from each other. But so it's a long list though, you know, it's a long wait. We've been on the list now for a year. It's probably going to be at least another year before even one of them gets on there. Cause here's the thing, there's no more funding. One person has to leave in order for them to get it. So it's like, they're not offering more services. They're not offering more help. They're just waiting for somebody to fall off the end of the list. So it is a problem, right? For these kids, how can they afford $1,800 a month apartments? And that's, you know, on the low side for a lot of places. So it's no wonder so many kids end up just staying living at home. And parents are overwhelmed and they don't get the support that they need.

Okay. Now I just wanna skip back to the support worker. You mentioned that your boys have a support worker that just kind of helps to help the boys keep the place tidy and clean and that they're eating sensibly. And so tell me about the support worker. Who funds that? How did that happen? Did you have to find your own support worker?

Yeah. So in British Columbia, we have something called CLBC. It's Community Living of British Columbia and it's for special needs. So once you age out of the “At Home Program” in BC, then you move on to this CLBC program and they provide, they can provide respite. They can provide different support services. But again, you're on a list and there has to be room on it. So they were on a list for quite a while. And then we got the relief support. So initially it was respite for when they were living at home, but now we've transitioned it to community support. So, we get $700 a month basically between the two of them in order to have somebody come in. And I opted to hire privately because it stretches a lot further if you're managing it yourself.

I can get 24 hours out of that amount rather than 12 hours or six hours in that month, right? So, it's a huge difference if you're trying to hire a program or the different support services out there, if it's a program, it's much cheaper and you get more bang for your buck if you do it yourself. And there usually is that option. You just have to jump through a few hoops and make sure you're filling out the paperwork properly and everything, but it's worth it.

Yeah. So similar to us in Alberta, where it would be called self-managed care.

Yes.

This is one option that a family consider. We realize this is not for everyone!

My next guest is Dr. Lisa Campbell. Dr. Campbell is the author of ‘Grow With Me’, a book in which she shares her journey of resilience and perseverance. As a devoted mother to her special needs daughter Jasmine, Dr. Campbell intimately understands the power of resilience firsthand.

As a motivator, she draws on her experiences to inspire others to achieve personal and professional growth. Through engaging presentations and sessions worldwide, she shares her expertise guiding individuals and organizations towards success.

Dr. Campbell's unwavering dedication shines through in both her work and her mission to empower others.

Listen to Dr. Lisa Campbell and I from episode 42 discuss the option she and her family choose for her daughter. (Skip back to episode 42 for full episode.)

So, you shared with me before that you had to make a choice between residential facility versus home with mom. So, share how you came to make the decision that you ended up making.

Sure. So Jasmine was in what was known as an early intervention program. So after we got the diagnosis at three, the social worker said you should enroll Jasmine in an Early intervention program. And so I enrolled her and she was almost at five. And I remember the social worker there saying, you know, I think Jasmine would benefit from moving to a residential facility. So just like, you know, any mother would do, you seek out advice. And honestly, I got a lot of individuals that said to me, are you crazy? African Americans don't send their family members to live in a residential facility. We just figure it out. And so I had to really reflect on what was best for Jasmine, as opposed to what was best for me. At that time, she was not walking. She was still drinking out of a bottle. And so I made an intentional decision that this move was for her and not for me. And I will tell you, looking back on it, it has served her so well because she gets the care that she needs. But I was also allowed an opportunity to grow so that I would be able to take care of her needs as long as I'm on this earth. And I don't think that I would have been able to grow as fast if I didn't let her go.

I'm just letting our audience just take a pause, just take a beat for a minute and just let that sink in. So I love that you brought up that this was a decision, not just for you. This was a decision and it wasn't about you. This was about Jasmine and what was best for her.

So was it easy to come to that decision, Dr. Campbell?

No. In fact, and I'll never forget this, the day that I went to drop her off, we were inside. I'll never forget. It was a very nice place. And there was this minister, Wanda. And I said to her, "I cannot leave my baby here. We're leaving." And so she said to me, "Mom, Jasmine is going to be fine. We're going to take good care of her." But then she also told me that I could not come back for a couple of weeks to give Jasmine an opportunity to adjust. And so I said to her, "Oh no, we're leaving." 

And so some time, I made the decision that, okay, she can stay. And I got in my car. That was probably one of the hardest decisions that I had to make, not even buying a house. It was just the decision that I was going to leave my daughter in the care of strangers.

And it wasn't like the facility was down the street. It was 30 to 35 minutes away from my home. And so it wasn't like I could just walk down the block and go see her. Right? We made it.

So how is Jasmine doing since you left her in the home? And how old was she when you left her, by the way?

So she was seven. And that was actually the first residential facility. A few years later, we were told, you know, Jasmine's getting a lot more active than she was when you dropped her off. And we think she would benefit from this other facility, which let me tell you, was two and a half hours from our home. And so we moved her to that facility. And probably after a year, I was like, this is too far, because part of my weekends with her were spent picking her up and then dropping her back off. And so that cut off, you know, some of the time that we had. So then she moved to another place where she stayed until she aged out, which was amazing. And so today she's happy. She's in control of what she wants to do, what she doesn't want to do. And one of the things that I find that's very interesting is that she's very clear on what she does and does not want to do and shows no emotion about it either way. Right. It's like Jasmine's way or no way. I don't know where she gets that from.

Can't think for a minute! Wow. Wow. So three moves and she transitioned fairly well.

You know what? That's what made the transitions easier because she transitioned, right? She just just moved into the new space as long as she got food, as long as she has her own room. That's the other thing. Jasmine does not like to share a room. And so that second place that she went to, she had to share a room. And so that kind of made it a little more challenging for them to deal with her from a behavioral perspective. And so now everybody knows Jasmine does not share a room.

All right, Jasmine, you go girl. And that's one of the things I found with my daughter as well knows her own mind, knows her own mind, and she will let you know. She's also on the spectrum. So she's cerebral palsy, but she also is on the spectrum, not officially diagnosed, but when we look at her clinically, she presents. And so that's…

Oh my goodness. So that's another similarity because Jasmine was never diagnosed, but she has been in an autism study since she was five. She's in this longitudinal study and she exhibits the characteristics of autism.

Isn't that something? Wow. So just for our audience, a preamble before we started to record, Dr. Campbell and I, I was just sharing with her that my maiden name is actually Campbell. And I am also a medical professional. I am working as a physical therapist as well as doing my other work as a coach and a podcaster. And my niece is named Jasmine. And that was actually one of the names that we had chosen for one of our daughters, but my sister picked it up before I had an opportunity. And now we know that our daughters both are on the spectrum. Isn't that something? Wow. So, I love the fact that you've been able to figure out a housing solution that works for you and your family. And that… obviously Jasmine is thriving and she is, sounds like she's doing amazing.

Again, this may not be for everyone, just sharing what is working for others.

During my conversation with Dr. Campbell, I shared what my husband and I have done for our two children with disabilities.

Listen to the options we created.

Wow. Wow. I'm just processing because it's bringing up some emotion for me as well. Our oldest is now 22, which is hard to believe. I'm the mother of two adults. Oh my goodness. And I have shared this, our regular listeners bare with me. I had to make a decision, my husband and I. So my husband and I have been married 32 years coming up next month, and we had to make a decision about Melody-Anne's care. So Melody-Anne is our oldest and she is total care. So we had a prolapsed cord, which cut off the oxygen supply to Melody Anne's brain. So her brain was basically dying when she was born. They managed to resuscitate her. And so, as I mentioned, she, this was the preamble for those that if I didn't say it earlier, Melody-Anne was only given a year to live, but she's here. Praise God. So long story short, when Melody-Anne became 15 or so, we had a caregiver that was with us for six and a half years. And then she decided to move on. So we were then left with a decision to make, do we bring in more help into the home? And for those of us that have done the in-home help, it's wonderful. It works great. But then if they decide to leave, then you're basically starting all over again. And so this young lady started, decided to leave and we had to make a decision. Do we continue on the same pattern or do we look for a

long-term solution? So that's what we did. And so we actually ended up, our house was wheelchair accessible, and so we moved out, my husband and I and our youngest daughter, and we left our oldest in the home.

And we had two other young ladies with disabilities move in and we had an agency provide 24 hour care. So I hear you when you say the hardest decision you had to make to leave your child in the care of strangers. Because that was not easy. And the fact that Melody-Anne was not even 16 yet, she was almost 16 when we left her was very, very tough. I'm abandoning my child. I just felt like the worst mother in the world. How would I do this? Also Caribbean descent, we take care of our own. So what was I thinking? And it was a really, really hard decision. And I can't, it was ages. It was months before I could even start to really process what was going on. But praise God, this child of ours, because she was in her own home, she was able to transition real early with regards to us moving out. She was fine. She was in her same room, in her same home with four caregivers that were taken on by the agency to take care of her. So it made the transition for her really easy. As I say, it wasn't that easy for Scott and I. But she, as you had said with your daughter Jasmine thrived, my daughter is thriving too. She is talking up a storm with a communication device way more than she would if we were still with her. And the fact that she's had to learn empathy, she's had to learn to share, she's had to learn to take turns, she's had to learn to say sorry when she's told one of the other young ladies to go to her room.

So just that independence has just been so beautiful to see. 

And one other thing that we have done for our youngest daughter who has ADHD and we found out two years ago is high on the spectrum, i.e. high functioning on the spectrum. And so in our home, we have a basement suite that we've just created and it's beautiful. And we created it as a separate sort of on its own legal suite. And that was for our youngest. Unfortunately, they're not ready to move in yet because the executive functioning is about three years behind. So they're not ready to kind of make life on their own, even though the idea was to have a mentor be there with them and just kind of help make sure they were taking the medications, make sure they had decent food in the home, they were keeping it fairly tidy. This child is a teenager, so you know, my expectations have been lowered.

Some things don't change, right?

Yes. And so at this moment in time, they're not ready, but the suite will be there. We are currently renting it to a Christian couple that just got married and so they're very excited to make this their first home. So they have committed to being

In our home for a year. So my hope and prayer is that by this time, within a year or two, that our youngest will be ready to move in and have some independence and we still will be there not to kind of stand over them, but to offer support as needed. Just kind of keep that scaffold and just back off as we need to. That's our hope and prayer. 

Our youngest is still not ready to transition, but I am thrilled to report growth is happening, responsibility is occurring, independence is flourishing, skills are developing!! There is hope!!!

Today we’ve listened to moms who have shared several different options for a forever home. We had Cheryll share about apartment living with support for her two boys, we heard from Dr. Lisa Campbell about the facility her daughter lives in. You heard from me your host and the two solutions my husband and I created for our children.

I hope today’s episode has given you insight, inspiration, and encouragement as you think about creating a forever home for your child. Every journey looks different, but what matters most is that we take intentional steps toward building a future where our children can live with dignity, independence, and support.

If you found this episode helpful, I’d love for you to share it with another parent, family member or caregiver who could benefit from what we discussed. And if you’re ready to start planning your child’s forever home but aren’t sure where to begin, I invite you to connect with me, I’m happy to brainstorm with you! You can also sign up for my monthly Newsletter where I share things to consider when exploring a forever home for you child.

Thank you so much for joining me today. I’ll see you next time!

Till then - remember: Live with Intention - Embrace the Journey.