Navigating tough conversations in the workplace is the mark of a true leader, and I am here to guide you through the intricacies of these discussions in a way that fosters growth and solutions. I'll pull back the curtain on the common mistakes that can derail these critical talks, like attacking the person instead of the behavior and falling into the trap of being judgmental. Armed with strategies like setting a constructive tone before the meeting and approaching the dialogue with clarity, you'll learn to tackle performance issues head-on without risking your team's morale. This conversation isn't just about fixing problems—it's about elevating your leadership and paving the way for your team's success.
Then, I'll introduce you to the DESC model, a lifeline for leaders swimming in the deep waters of difficult conversations. By focusing on Description, Effect, Solution, and Conclusion, you'll gain a straightforward framework to articulate concerns, understand impacts, and chart a course for resolution. This model is a game-changer for turning tense talks into opportunities for commitment and understanding. As you join me on this journey, remember that mastering these dialogues is not just beneficial for your team—it's a catalyst for your personal growth as a leader. Let's embark on this transformative path together, where the art of conversation becomes a cornerstone of effective leadership.
Navigating tough conversations in the workplace is the mark of a true leader, and I am here to guide you through the intricacies of these discussions in a way that fosters growth and solutions. I'll pull back the curtain on the common mistakes that can derail these critical talks, like attacking the person instead of the behavior and falling into the trap of being judgmental. Armed with strategies like setting a constructive tone before the meeting and approaching the dialogue with clarity, you'll learn to tackle performance issues head-on without risking your team's morale. This conversation isn't just about fixing problems—it's about elevating your leadership and paving the way for your team's success.
Then, I'll introduce you to the DESC model, a lifeline for leaders swimming in the deep waters of difficult conversations. By focusing on Description, Effect, Solution, and Conclusion, you'll gain a straightforward framework to articulate concerns, understand impacts, and chart a course for resolution. This model is a game-changer for turning tense talks into opportunities for commitment and understanding. As you join me on this journey, remember that mastering these dialogues is not just beneficial for your team—it's a catalyst for your personal growth as a leader. Let's embark on this transformative path together, where the art of conversation becomes a cornerstone of effective leadership.
Welcome to Things Leaders Do, the podcast that uncovers the secrets of becoming an extraordinary leader. If you're a leader who's constantly seeking growth, inspiration and tangible ways to level up your leadership, then you've come to the right place. Remember, the world needs exceptional leaders, and that leader is you. Now here's your host, colby Morris.
Speaker 2:
Hey leaders, welcome back to the TOD podcast. This is me, colby, and I am here again to say thank you. We've had some great discussions lately on LinkedIn and I'm just so excited that some of you are finding a lot of value out of what we're talking about here, and I'd just love to connect with all of you if I could. But last few weeks we've really been picking up that pace and a lot of you have been connecting with me here on LinkedIn, so I really appreciate that. Today, I definitely want to tackle something we've tried to tackle before, but I want to make today a little bit more actionable. I want to try to give you some advice on something that you probably, especially if you're a new leader actually, even if you're in a seasoned leader, you may hate doing this, or if a new leader, you may not even know how and that is how to have difficult conversations with your employees. So if they've screwed up, if they've done something wrong, if they're not performing, if their attendance is bad, whatever the case may be, as their leader, you're going to have to be the one who addresses it, whether you like that part or not. Now let me emphasize, you do have to address it. Okay, if you don't, then your high performers are going to start resenting you, and that's the last thing you want. So you definitely have to really address what is going on, and I'm going to try to walk you through some great ways to do that, but also kind of what keeps us from doing it. Okay, so some common mistakes that I find people make. I'll give you a few of these. In giving feedback or having these tough conversations, the first, most common mistake number one is just avoiding that situation, avoiding the giving feedback. They avoid the tough conversation. Nothing changes if you avoid the tough conversation. It just means they get away with it. It means you're condoning it. What you condone you on what you permit you promote. Okay, number two a lot of people tend to focus on the person and not the performance or whatever the issue is. Okay, you have to focus on whatever that particular thing is and remember this is not a personal type of discussion, okay. Number three you don't want to come across as judgemental. Again, that's focusing on the person and you can come across judgemental when you do that. We want to strictly focus on whatever the issue is.
Speaker 2:
Number four if you're doing all the talking and none of the listening. I've had leaders come out of these conversations and go man, that went a lot better than what I thought and I'd say, okay, great, tell me what they said. Well, they really didn't say anything. You know, I just said everything that needed to be said and they said okay and walked out. In that case it didn't go well, okay, if you're doing all the talking and you're not doing any listening, well, you didn't do it right. Okay, great, leaders practice active listening and in fact it means when I say you didn't do it right, it means that what you said, all the things you said, you never asked their point of view, you never asked for clarification, you never asked any questions. Okay, so Don't go that route, all right.
Speaker 2:
Number five when you give feedback without context, okay, this comes across very out of the blue. You can just, you know, you start in on them. They don't even know what you're talking about. You have to give some context behind what you're giving them feedback on. And then, number six, making generalized, vague statements. When you're making these vague statements and just overgenre, can you hear this a lot in the counseling world you don't say well, you always, or you're always doing this, or you know you never do this. Okay, that's very generalized, it's very vague. I don't feel like you have a great attitude. Okay, well, that's vague. What do you mean by I don't have a great attitude? Can you give me an example? Okay, so those are some of the common mistakes that leaders make.
Speaker 2:
Okay, now I'm going to give you a couple of let's call them pre-meeting tips, okay, the first one is I want you to go into it with a growth mindset. Okay, what's a growth mindset? That means you want to go into this with the idea that you want to retain the employee and you want to make sure that they're doing things to improve so that they raise the level of their game, and when that happens, that raises the level of your team. Okay, now, growth mindset also means that you have to take some ownership of their performance. Okay, so what does it take to get them to improve? Okay, and you own that part. And then you also own the part in figuring out where their performance failed. What part did you have to play in that? Was it a miscommunication? Did they not understand the instructions? Did you not provide clear instructions? You really need to look at what you did and didn't do and how that ownership ties to you and their failure.
Speaker 2:
Okay, now, a lot of leaders are first outcome, they're the first responses Well, it's not my fault, they're the one who didn't do it, they're the one who did whatever, okay. And then great leaders take the time and go okay, where could I have failed them in this? Where could I have done something better to have created a better outcome for this person? Okay. And then the last part of the best pre-meeting tip is never and I mean never go into a difficult conversation without a goal or an outcome in mind. You have to know where you're trying to get to, okay. And if you don't have that, you're going to be floundering all over the place in this conversation. If you're wanting to get them to never do a particular behavior again, you need to know that going into it. If you're trying to get them to come to work more often and on time, you need to have that in mind, okay. But you need to go into that conversation with the goal or the outcome in mind, okay. All right, let's get into how to have this conversation.
Speaker 2:
So a lot of people struggle because they just don't even know how to start the conversation. They don't know how to ease into it, or do they just burn it all out and let it happen? So I'm going to give you three different introductions that you can use, depending on the situation, and one of them I'm going to give her credit. She used to run one of the stores for us when I was working retail and when I heard her say this to one of the employees I thought that's genius. And she said I need to have a fair conversation with you. I love that. I love that it tells you and it tells the employee hey, I need to have a conversation with you. It's going to be fair, but you also may not like it, but it's going to be fair, okay.
Speaker 2:
And then the second one, a little kind of the same way, but if you're uncomfortable or you're fearful in having these conversations, these next two are kind of for you and it's this I need to have an uncomfortable conversation with you. I believe this was Simon Sinek that uses this I need to have an uncomfortable conversation with you, okay. And then you can kind of follow it up, or you can even use this next one as, like you know, your next intro. You say look, I'm worried about having this conversation because, honestly, sometimes I struggle with them. I want to make sure that we get through this in a very productive way. And then this last part here can we have that conversation now? Okay, so you've already shown some vulnerability and you've been very honest with them, you're trying to establish trust and you're saying I'm worried about having this conversation because I struggle with them. Look, I suck at having tough conversations, but I want to make sure we get through this thing together and I really want you there with me. And can we just have that conversation now? Okay, that sets the tone for them and being able to have these conversations. They know that. One, it's going to be a difficult conversation. Two, it might be a little awkward because, well, you just told them it might be awkward, okay. But three, it gives you're kind of letting them give you permission to have the conversation. I love that part of it. So it really creates trust in the moment to be able to have this conversation. All right. So let's get to the conversations themselves. You've done the intro.
Speaker 2:
I'm going to give you two different models that you can follow. Okay, two different models. The first one we've discussed before, but this is going to be called the SBI. Sbi, so that stands for situation, behavior and impact. Okay, situations, behavior and impact. The situation this is what you saw, the behavior, that's what they did, right, and then the impact is what you observe. So in this situation, I'm going to say, john, I saw John come in and he raised his voice when he was talking to Jane and things just didn't look great. So I've got to have this conversation with John, okay, so I'm going to pull John into my office and I'm going to follow this SBI framework.
Speaker 2:
Hey, john, I saw you talking to Jane this morning and you raised your voice, for even I could hear it. I was down the hall. I mean, it visibly upset Jane and even a few of the team members that were around. They were upset. Wonder why you'd be doing that in front of everyone. Okay, now, did I add any emotion in that? Not really. No, I followed SBI, the situation I saw you talking to Jane this morning. Okay, the behavior you raised your voice, or even I could hear it. Okay, and then the impact what you observed it visibly upset Jane and even a few team members that were around her. Okay, so I just follow this SBI impact, okay, sbi model. That allows me to have this tough conversation with John by just Having the facts involved. Okay, now, I didn't point fingers at him, I didn't raise my voice, I didn't tell him he was stupid or anything like that. Okay, all I did was remove the emotion from it and speak facts to him. He cannot refute what I saw in that moment. Okay, he can't refute the behavior, because he did do it. And he cannot refute the, the impact, because I saw it on Jane's face. Okay, so it's, it's a very fact-based, very non-emotional way to have a tough conversation, all right, all right, let's move on to the second one.
Speaker 2:
This one it's it's called desk, but it's spelled D, e, s, c. If you say this, it just doesn't work. So, desk model, and the desk model stands for description, effect, solution and conclusion. Okay, description is basically this you give an objective and a concrete description of what you saw, what you observed. Okay, and kind of like the last, we're gonna use an I statement, right.
Speaker 2:
Next one is the fact, the is effect. You're gonna explain the effect or the impact it had on the. You know the business, the person, the team, whoever it was. Okay, if the effect was an emotion, name it and Then solution. That's the S. This is you're gonna you're gonna work on basically building a solution through a directive or even a Participatory approach. Okay, what's the difference in those two? Well, the first one Directive what I'd like you to do next time, okay. Or Participative that's. What do you think you can do differently next time? Right. And then, of course, the C is conclusion. This is where you're gonna kind of bring it home right, you're gonna build a Commitment, a like a contract called a contract of commitment. You're really check for understanding that they understand what they're agreeing to, and you're gonna get commitment for the future, okay. So I'm gonna play out the same scenario.
Speaker 2:
Jane and John, right, and go through the desk model. Let me say, john, hey, I saw you in the hall yesterday talking to Jane you, you raised your voice pretty loudly. D right Now let's go to the E. This had an emotional impact on Jane you. You embarrass her man, as well as the teammates who were close by. They were even children in the next room. Okay, I just follow the now my two S's.
Speaker 2:
Remember, there's two different versions. I can say the first one. What I expect you to do next time is that if you have an issue with Jane you. You have this conversation in private and not in front of other people. You take her into a different room and you speak to her calmly and professionally the other one, participatory. I can say what do you think you should do next time something like this comes up, where you're upset with Jane or Anyone else? Okay, so those are the two S's.
Speaker 2:
Now see how we get to the conclusion. Right, I'm checking for understanding. So just to make sure we're on the same page, can you repeat back to me what we agreed on here just now? I wanna look, I wanna confirm that we've communicated effectively and that you've you know that you really understand the commitment that you've made in regard to communication in the future. Okay, then I'm gonna let John talk and repeat back what it is he understands that we talked about, and it better be what we talked about. Okay, if not, then I'm gonna go through this again. No, that's not what we talked about, john, if you remember, and I'm gonna go through the previous parts.
Speaker 2:
Okay, so that's the desk model. Both of them really simple, really easy to follow. Just gives you some context and again takes the emotion out of it For a lot of you, new leaders, you're like I will never be able to remember that in the moment D, what's a D? No, hey, write it down. Put it on a note card, write it on a piece of paper Again, if you follow that intro part that we talked about at the very beginning, you know, look, I need to have an uncomfortable conversation and I'm not real good at it. I'm a little worried about it. But yeah, I wrote some notes here so I can make sure I get all this out and that I've captured everything clearly. So I really wanna go through this with you. Okay, now you've got your notes with you. Okay, so those are your models, but you are not done.
Speaker 2:
There's a couple more steps here, actually mostly one. What I want you to do now is I want you to go into your Outlet Calendar today at three o'clock and you're gonna open up the Outlet Calendar and go to that day and it's three o'clock, so I'm gonna open up three o'clock. I'm just gonna document this discussion, okay, in my Outlet Calendar. When it pops up, I'm gonna put as a subject discussion with John and then, down on the notes, I'm gonna say how to discussion with John. After I witness him raising his voice with Jane. He's agreed to never raise his voice Again and only to have tough conversations in private. And then I'm just gonna save it.
Speaker 2:
Now, why would I do that? What does that accomplish? Well, if you ever have an issue with John again at this time, you're going to have to go through progressive discipline, you have to do a write up or whatever the case may be. You say John, I think we've had this issue before and if you wanna do some research before you have this tough conversation, you go to your Outlet Calendar, you do the search and you write John and you're gonna see on this day at three o'clock it says discussion with John. You go open it up and you go, yep, there it is. He raised his voice with Jane that day. I remember having that conversation and now it's basically documented right.
Speaker 2:
So this serves as a reminder when you need to start not really building a case that's not the greatest verbiage there but when you need to capture some past information about what has happened. You have this in your calendar and you set it as free. You know, learn the main banner. You can put busy, free, that kind of stuff. Just put it as free so it doesn't block off any time on your calendar, but you'll be able to see it when you share it to yourself, okay. So, all right, really, I hope this gave you just a little bit of framework of how to have these difficult conversations and some main takeaways I want you to get out of.
Speaker 2:
This is number one remove the emotion from it. If you can't have the conversation with the employee in a non-emotional manner, you need to wait until you can. Okay, why? Because you're going to say something stupid. You're going to say something that you don't mean. You're going to say something that is going to get you in trouble and you're going to most likely miss the whole point of what you needed to do in that discussion.
Speaker 2:
Okay, so, have a non-emotional discussion about the facts of what happened. Okay, write it down if you need to, and then prepare for it. Remember, we're going to do this in a growth mindset. We want to retain this employee. We want to make them get better. It's not just about discipline. It's about improving them as a leader. It's about growing them, and then I'm going to pick a model. I'm just going to follow one of those two. Again, if I have to write it down, I'll write it down, and then I'm going to document it, okay, y'all. This is one of the longer ones I've had lately. I'm just real passionate about it. I really wanted to get this out there with y'all and I hope this really adds some value. Speaking of that, if this is adding value, would you share this podcast with someone?
Speaker 2:
Just take a screenshot, tag it on social media or text it to somebody whatever it is, and then just you know, head over to wherever you're watching or not watching, wherever you're listening to the podcast, and if you would rate and review it, I would greatly appreciate it. If you're getting value out of this. I appreciate all of you. You're awesome. I thank you for listening and I really hope they're adding value and that today you've learned how to have difficult conversations. I mean, you know why? Because those are the things that leaders do.
Speaker 1:
Thank you for listening to things leaders do. If you're looking for more tips on how to be a better leader, be sure to subscribe to the podcast and listen to next week's episode. Until next time, keep working on being a better leader by doing the things that leaders do.
