What if conflicts with your boss could actually be the stepping stones to a stronger professional relationship? In this episode of the Things Leaders Do podcast, we uncover the essential strategies for managing such conflicts and building trust in the workplace. Conflicts over communication, workload expectations, and leadership styles are not uncommon, but they don't have to be detrimental. Through real-life storytelling and eye-opening statistics, we demonstrate how improving communication, practicing active listening, and preparing for discussions can turn these challenges into opportunities for growth. By embracing empathy and respect, you'll learn how to transform conflicts into catalysts for stronger professional relationships.
Drawing inspiration from Brene Brown's "Dare to Lead," we delve into the power of vulnerability in leadership. Courageous conversations and transparent communication can foster mutual understanding and trust between you and your team. Discover practical tips on demonstrating integrity, showing empathy, and owning your part in any conflict. When resolution efforts seem ineffective, self-reflection, seeking feedback, and consulting mentors can offer new perspectives. We wrap up by emphasizing the importance of practicing these leadership skills in real-life scenarios. Tackle challenging situations head-on, and watch as you grow into a more effective and respected leader. Tune in for these valuable insights and become a better leader by strengthening your team dynamics.
What if conflicts with your boss could actually be the stepping stones to a stronger professional relationship? In this episode of the Things Leaders Do podcast, we uncover the essential strategies for managing such conflicts and building trust in the workplace. Conflicts over communication, workload expectations, and leadership styles are not uncommon, but they don't have to be detrimental. Through real-life storytelling and eye-opening statistics, we demonstrate how improving communication, practicing active listening, and preparing for discussions can turn these challenges into opportunities for growth. By embracing empathy and respect, you'll learn how to transform conflicts into catalysts for stronger professional relationships.
Drawing inspiration from Brene Brown's "Dare to Lead," we delve into the power of vulnerability in leadership. Courageous conversations and transparent communication can foster mutual understanding and trust between you and your team. Discover practical tips on demonstrating integrity, showing empathy, and owning your part in any conflict. When resolution efforts seem ineffective, self-reflection, seeking feedback, and consulting mentors can offer new perspectives. We wrap up by emphasizing the importance of practicing these leadership skills in real-life scenarios. Tackle challenging situations head-on, and watch as you grow into a more effective and respected leader. Tune in for these valuable insights and become a better leader by strengthening your team dynamics.
Welcome to Things Leaders Do, the podcast that uncovers the secrets of becoming an extraordinary leader. If you're a leader who's constantly seeking growth, inspiration and tangible ways to level up your leadership, then you've come to the right place. Remember, the world needs exceptional leaders, and that leader is you. Now here's your host, colby Morris.
Speaker 2:
Hey there, leaders, welcome back to the TLD podcast. This is your host, colby Morris, and let me first apologize. If you've been following the show, you know I usually post on or get a new episode out every week, and for the last two weeks I have not done so. We've had a little life change in the last couple of weeks, did some moving, moved my family and we moved to another city and then moved my son home from college, and that has been a little bit all encompassing, and 18 hour drives are not that much fun. So it has been a little bit of change. But I appreciate you sticking with me and joining me today.
Speaker 2:
So what are we doing today? We're talking about how to handle conflict with your boss. That's right. You ever had a conflict with your boss? I have always laugh and say if you haven't a conflict with your boss, I have, uh, always laugh and say if you haven't had, you know, conflict with your boss, raise your hand and you're lying. So I think most of us have. If you have not, that's great. I'm really glad you've never had conflict with your boss, but there will come a time, most likely, where you will. So I wanted to give you, as a leader an idea of how to handle that when it comes up. So let's get into it.
Speaker 2:
I first want to start by defining conflict. What is that? Conflict is actually just a natural part of any relationship right. Natural part of any relationship right, especially between you and your boss, and usually emerging from different opinions and expectations. But today, instead of avoiding it, we're going to look at leaning into that conflict with courage and vulnerability. We're going to look at it as an opportunity for growth and deeper connection with our boss. So when we approach conflict with empathy and respect, it can strengthen our relationship, it can build trust and it will enhance our collective success. So again, it is part of our natural process. It's just a part of relationship.
Speaker 2:
If you've ever been in any kind of relationship, most likely you've experienced conflict. I can tell you how many times my wife and I have had conflict over miscommunication, and that's just part of it. So the different types of conflict actually that is one of the first ones communication issues. The second one would be workload and expectations. Maybe you thought you were going to have weekends off. Your boss did not.
Speaker 2:
Leadership styles Is your leader a micromanager or is it the opposite? Do they give you too much freedom and you don't really ever know what a priority is. Okay, maybe it's just a personality clash. You know you ever saw somebody and just didn't like their face, just kidding. But you know what I'm talking about, right? Like something about their personality just just doesn't mesh with yours and if you saw them in in a store you probably wouldn't go talk to them. And then recognition and rewards is you know, does your boss not recognize you the way you would like to? You know, not reward you for the things you do? That can lead to some conflict. So the question again have you ever had conflict with your boss? Well, you're not alone, and I'm going to go through some statistics here that may surprise you.
Speaker 2:
According to a Gallup poll, 50% of employees leave jobs due to their managers. 60% have left or considered leaving their job due to their boss. That was a Randstad poll. A Harvard Business Review said 69% of managers are uncomfortable communicating with employees. Does that sound like an asinine statistic? 69% of managers are uncomfortable communicating with employees. Isn't that kind of a basic function of leadership, like? Wouldn't you like it if your boss was comfortable talking to you? Well, I do have a theory on that, and it's because oftentimes we promote the Michael Jordans Instead of letting Michael Jordan be the best player, we think they should be the coach, and it doesn't work out.
Speaker 2:
And you've heard me talk about that before. 49% of conflicts are due to personality clashes. And then Office Vibe said 63% of employees feel under-recognized, and that's what leads to a lot of the conflict. So let's go over some strategies to handle conflict when it actually does happen. First thing we're going to do is improve communication, the first one being through active listening.
Speaker 2:
Now, on this show, I've given one standard definition of what active listening is, and it is that you listen to understand instead of listening to respond. I actually have what I feel is a more robust definition of it now, and it's this definition of it now. And it's this active listening is the intentional effort to fully understand and empathize with someone's words and emotions, rather than preparing to respond or argue. Now some of you are thinking you know what? Yeah, my boss needs to do some active listening, like they need to hear what I'm trying to say. But again, we're talking about how to handle conflict with your boss. So I'm also talking to us, talking to you. If you want your boss to do active listening, then unfortunately you have to do the same. I have to do the same. Okay, I can't expect this to be a one, one way street. Okay, I have to listen and hear the things that are being said Instead of just preparing my argument for it.
Speaker 2:
You need to have some regular one-on-ones, and I realize this is usually the uh, the responsibility of your leader right To schedule the one-on-one with you. But, um, you need to make sure every effort uh is made to keep those one-on-ones. So if they cancel, you want to try to reschedule it as quickly as you can. Okay, you want to be prepared. I mean, think about it. If you're going into these one-on-ones and there's already conflict, how are you feeling? How are you going? You're going into these one-on-ones and there's already conflict? How are you feeling? How are you going to feel going into this one-on-one with your boss and there's conflict? You're a little anxious, a little worried, a little ticked off. Maybe you're not in the space to have this one-on-one. Well, that's something you have to think about and you have to mentally prepare yourself to go in there and have that one-on-one. You can't be in a place where you're just not going to talk, where it's going to be all spit and hatred. You have to prepare yourself as a leader to go in there and have this conversation, even if it means that you have to quote, unquote be the adult, then, by God, be the adult, be the one that leads the conversation. These one-on-ones are important. Okay, these one-on-ones are important. Okay, gallup said that employees who have regular meetings with their managers are half as likely to report feeling disengaged. Okay, there's another study that said that neglecting one-on-one meetings can lead to increased frustrations and misunderstandings, and that is what snowballs into larger conflicts. The Harvard Business Review said that one-on-one meetings serve as a dedicated space for open, honest communication. Okay, for early identification of issues preventing those issues from. You need to keep your one-on-ones. I can't stress that enough. All right Strategies to handle the conflict.
Speaker 2:
Number two is practice radical candor All right, colby, I think I've heard that before. Well, hopefully you have, because the first topic is care, personally challenged directly. If you haven't read this book or if you don't recognize that that is from Brene Brown's Dare to Lead. That's actually, I'm sorry, from Kim Scott's Radical Candor. I mixed up my two authors there. So Kim Scott wrote Radical Candor. She said embrace the core principles of radical candor by showing genuine care for your boss, while also being direct and honest about your concerns.
Speaker 2:
Okay, remember, sometimes it's not always what we say as much as how we say it, we have to watch how we deliver things. If I walk in and I said, you know, hey Mary, you and I need to talk, I got a bone to pick with you because something, I'm just tired of this, you're not going to get very far. Mary may tell you to turn around, take 20 steps back and come back and try again, okay. So what you may want to do instead is walk up and say, hey Mary, do you have a time for me and you to talk? Or you got got a minute. I feel like something has has gotten off here and you and I are not on the on the same page, and I really want to fix that. I want to get back on the same page where we were, on the same page where we were, because this feels funky. Okay, I can care personally for that person and still be direct about what it is I'm trying to do. Okay, and that balance is what's going to help build that trust and openness between you and your boss. You also want to try to work on frequent feedback, okay, and what I mean by that is scheduling regular feedback sessions where both parties can discuss these issues, these tension points, openly. Use any of those meetings that you can get to provide specific, sincere feedback and try to get input on your performance, your expectations, whatever. It is Okay. So if I saw Mary in the hall I'd say hey Mary, you know something's funky going on Is is there something on Friday? You got some time open on Friday where where we could talk. I really need to get get some feedback from you on what you had said the other day about um. You know my presentation and I just feel like things have been unsaid. You know it could be mean about that and see what she says, but you want to try to take that initiative to schedule those times to talk. Okay, all right.
Speaker 2:
Number three is embrace vulnerability. Now, this is where I had my books backwards. Embracing vulnerability does come from Dare to Lead, which is Brene Brown, and, by the way, if you've not read Dare to Lead by Brene Brown, you need to do so pretty much immediately. It needs to be mandatory reading for all leaders. It's pretty amazing. So in that book, she talks about rumble with vulnerability, which basically means you're going to engage in this courageous conversation where you express your own vulnerabilities and then also invite your boss to do the same thing.
Speaker 2:
Okay, so when would I express that? Just in, in coming to my boss, to begin with, I'm being a little vulnerable, you know. If I say, hey, something's funky and I, I don't like this tension we have between us, I'm being vulnerable. I'm inviting my boss to go. You know what? Yeah, I don't know what's going on either. Let's get back on the same page together, let's let's make this work. Okay, I'm inviting my boss to do the same thing Be be vulnerable.
Speaker 2:
Okay, that approach is what's going to foster that mutual understanding and trust. Okay, um, I also want to be transparent about my needs, okay, and expectations. I need to share, uh, my feelings and concerns openly, and that will help create a space where we can have some honest dialogue, we can talk honestly to each other. And then, number four, I want to build trust through integrity. Okay, I want to make sure I demonstrate reliability and consistency in my own actions and my decisions. Okay, from Dare to Lead. Brene Brown calls this being trustworthy and encouraging my boss to reciprocate with that openness and honesty. So, the way I see it, it's like this If I want to have a conversation with Mary about the issue, I see where everyone's coming in late or missing work.
Speaker 2:
I come in and say hey, mary, you know something's been going on lately. We've got a lot of people showing up late or calling in over the last couple months and it is really causing a strain on the team. Now, if Mary looks at the attendance roster and she sees that I've called in five times out of the last 30 days, I don't really have a leg to stand on. She's going to look at me and say, well, you're one of them, so what's the big deal? Okay. But if she looks down and sees, you know what? I've been on time. Maybe I was late one time, but as consistent as possible, I am there, I am doing my job, I'm doing a great job and I'm showing up consistently.
Speaker 2:
I have integrity to be able to bring this point out. I can stand on my performance and my integrity and say there's an issue, okay. And if I show empathy and respect in those interactions, that's crucial, okay. I need to understand my boss's perspective and, as well as acknowledge their challenges and any constraints they have, okay. So if I come in, hey Mary, look, I know you're up against that, that deadline that we're all working on, and I hate to take up your time. There's just something I need to bring to your attention. Okay, what did I do? I came in and said, look, I know there's something going on, I know you're up against a deadline, but there is something that needs your attention. I'm being vulnerable and coming to her and you know, I'm going to acknowledge the challenge that she has right now, but I can still deliver what it is I need to tell her. And then, finally, the part that most leaders don't like is I teach them to own it. To own it.
Speaker 2:
In any conflict, especially with your boss, it is crucial to own your part. What does that mean? It means taking a hard look at the situation and acknowledging your own contributions to the problem. It's easy to point fingers and blame others, but true leadership, that requires the courage to reflect on our own actions and our own decisions. You have to ask yourself a couple questions.
Speaker 2:
Number one what did I do or fail to do that may have contributed to this conflict? You know, man, is there something I'm not seeing? Is there something that I did? Did I say something? Did somebody tell me something? Number two how could I have communicated more effectively? Did I not communicate what I was trying to say effectively? Could it be misconstrued somehow. Do I need more information? And then, number three were there signs I ignored or feedback I dismissed? Did Mary tell me something and I just missed it? Do I just not remember that the right way? Okay, and just just trying to own it? Okay, remember, admitting your shortcomings. That's not a sign of weakness, that is a mark of strength and self-awareness. Okay, that's what paves the way for that mutual respect. Okay, it's transforming conflict from a barrier into a bridge. Okay, and that's what you're looking for. And if you're still stumped, find a mentor, find a peer, go to them and say hey, here's the situation. Do you see something I don't? Is there, is there something I'm just not seeing? And lay it out for them. Okay, maybe they see something you don't.
Speaker 2:
You're thinking, okay, colby, that all sounds great, but what would I? What would I do? Or what do I do when nothing seems to work? Okay, when you feel like you've tried everything, I want you to do the following.
Speaker 2:
Number one write down all the things that you have done to try to make the situation better, every single thing. Write it down on a piece of paper. Now, this is not a piece of paper. You walk in, throw on Mary's desk and say look, this is everything I'm doing. You're a crappy leader. This is for your eyes only. I want to make sure that I'm doing everything I can. Number two ask yourself if there's anything else that I'm not seeing. Okay, that's the own it part. And again, maybe ask a mentor, ask a peer. Look, hey, here's everything I've done to try to rectify the situation. Is there anything else I'm not seeing? And then, number three if you've done all that and you haven't found resolution, the next step is to contact your people operations specialists or human resource specialists whatever you call it in your organization or your company. Okay, human resource specialist, whatever you call it in your organization or your company. Okay.
Speaker 2:
Now, it's important to remember that this step is not about placing blame or finding fault. If you've tried every method to resolve the conflict with your leader and still you feel at an impasse. When you reach out to your people ops specialist you're seeking constructive help. Okay, this is when you need that impartial mediator to kind of be the interpreter between you and your boss. Okay, they're going to try to work to facilitate an understanding and find a resolution that works for both of you. Okay, it's like going to marriage counseling. You know you're both in this relationship. You both want this relationship to work, but it's off and you need somebody to come in and help speak to both sides. Okay, it's tough, but it can be done. Okay, when you want that relationship to work, when you want a better relationship with your boss, if you're following these steps, you will work towards getting that resolution, even if it takes getting in a human resource person involved. Again, let them know you're trying to resolve a conflict, you're not placing blame, but we're trying to fix this. I just need somebody to mediate between us.
Speaker 2:
Okay, all right, I appreciate you joining us. I appreciate you being here and listening to the show. Would you do me a favor? Would you take a screenshot or maybe just share this podcast with a friend or a leader that you feel could benefit from? I mean, I feel like everybody that's in leadership has had to deal with conflict with their boss, and if they haven't, it's just a matter of time when they will. So would you mind sharing that and, if you haven't already, like and subscribe to the podcast so we can get those numbers up and get more people involved in this discussion? My goal is to help leaders get better faster by giving them those actual tools to get better. And I just feel like if we can reach more people, we will be in a better position, because we'll have better leaders throughout our organizations and companies throughout our world, and that is what matters.
Speaker 2:
So if you want to connect with me, feel free to do so. In the show notes you have my link to my LinkedIn, as well as the Instagram page for the show. Feel free to reach out and connect or follow me on LinkedIn. I would love to uh to have a conversation with you. If you have questions that you would love have answered on the show, I would love to answer them, and that's where we've gotten several of these topics that we talk about. So, uh, look forward to next week being a part. Again, thank you for joining us and being consistent. Go out there and practice this. Put it in practice, because you don't get better if you don't Go resolve that conflict, because those are the things that leaders do.
Speaker 1:
Thank you for listening to Things Leaders Do. If you're looking for more tips on how to be a better leader, be sure to subscribe to the podcast and listen to next week's episode. Until next time, keep working on being a better leader by doing the things that leaders do.
