Speaker: Amy Cloonan
[00:00:00] Ever feel like the good things in your life always have a way of falling apart? The moment you acknowledge that things are actually going smoothly, the whole damn thing implodes? Who's been there? If Murphy's Law has you stressing out, Or you're walking on eggshells when it comes to your wedding.
[00:00:22] This episode is permission to exhale. Hey bride, whether you just said yes to marrying the person of your dreams, or you're in the thick of planning your wedding, this is your podcast. I'm Amy. Your go to life and wellness coach. And this isn't just a pep talk. It's our weekly heart to heart. We'll navigate the emotions that come with planning a wedding, share laughs, swap stories, and face the challenges head on.
[00:00:53] Good morning, good afternoon, good evening, good night. I don't know what time you're finding me, but I'm really happy. that you have. Welcome to Hey Bride. Today, I'm going to talk about a super specific topic, and I realize not every bride is going to relate to this, but if you do, I want you to know it's okay and it's going to be okay no matter what.
[00:01:19] Let's have a candid conversation about worrying that what you're planning isn't going to happen or everything's going to fall apart. Let's be honest. Planning a wedding can be a wild ass roller coaster ride. I'm pretty sure that's why hiring a planner can cost so much. It's a decent investment. There's so much that goes into this and it requires so much of your capacity, especially emotionally.
[00:01:49] One minute, you're loving your caterer samples, and the next, there's a deep seated worry that your guest list is gonna get food poisoning and spend half the night or the next day in the bathroom and hate you. I know it's not just me, and I know that even if you have everything planned to the letter, Sometimes that little nagging feeling in your gut is just too hard to ignore.
[00:02:16] Let's face it, life rarely goes exactly according to plan. But here's the thing, how we manage our thoughts and handle unexpected detours Impacts our experience. And that includes your wedding. Every bride has her own set of worries and it's normal to have some concern. Especially if your past hasn't exactly instilled a ton of confidence that things work out as they should.
[00:02:42] But guess what? You have more control over your experience than you think, and it's high time you give yourself permission to relax and enjoy this. The reason I wanted to hop on this mic at 6 o'clock in the morning and talk about this is I know that so many brides are experiencing a version of this and don't really understand that they are.
[00:03:05] They don't have a clue of what is at the root of it. I recently talked to one bride, the bride who inspired this episode, and she was going through it. She had a deep seated fear that the wedding that she was planning wasn't actually going to take place, since early in her childhood. She remembered that every time something good happened in her life, it was taken away or destroyed.
[00:03:34] Those were her words. That is heavy. That is deep. It's probably a core belief. when it came to her wedding, things were running smooth. It was going good. She didn't have a whole shit ton of problems. The person she was marrying was bringing her so much happiness. She was excited about the future.
[00:03:54] And then it happened. A thought. It's all going to be taken away. Better enjoy this while you can. Do any of you ever have thoughts like that? Our mind is a complex system. I like to call myself a deliberate creator. And I do it through my mind because I understand the power of our thoughts. I understand that our mind is a complex system that orchestrates our thoughts and shapes our perceptions and navigates the landscape of our consciousness.
[00:04:28] When we focus on things that are going wrong or not how we hoped, when we remember and go back to our past where everything good was taken away or destroyed, we are training our brain to find evidence to support the belief that in the future things are going to go wrong, too. If you've listened to part two of the wedding well being series, then you already know and understand the power of your thoughts.
[00:04:59] That one sentence that stuck out that hurt my heart. Whenever anything good happens in my life, it gets destroyed or taken away. Can you feel the power of that sentence? The power of that belief. I know she's not alone. There are so many brides waiting for the other shoe to drop at different degrees. I just want to remind you that you have some control here.
[00:05:25] It does not have to become a self fulfilling prophecy. For her wedding or yours as women, we have agency over our decisions, our thoughts, and at the end of the day, we have some power over the story. Our mind is telling us. I don't know about you, but to me, that is awesome news. It means that we can shift the narrative.
[00:05:51] We can write the story. We can choose to believe that things are going to go our way. We can choose to believe that things are going to work out, no matter what. And we can remind ourselves that we're resilient. Not because I'm saying you can, but because I know it's true. My advice for anybody who is dealing with this on a deep level, and you will know if you are, is to go seek out support.
[00:06:22] Go talk to a therapist, find out if something like EDMR or talk therapy or whatever, there's so many different ways to approach this. See if there's something that you can do and begin to heal what's at the root of this. Listen, I have done that work. It doesn't mean that I'm healed. There's certain things that happened in my life that created deep wounds that planning a wedding definitely activated.
[00:06:54] But it was okay. And in the end, by the way, my wedding day did not go how I hoped. I woke up super sick as a woman with an easily over activated nervous system. That's the right way to put it, I think. I experience the consequences of my mind quite deeply. I have a physical reaction to emotions and stress , and even though I was managing my stress the entire weekend and I was having good thoughts, I overextended myself, and I woke up on my wedding morning throwing up, just absolutely sick as shit.
[00:07:34] But guess what? My wedding day was not ruined. I actually think it was made better. I got to see for the first time without a doubt how loved and supported I truly was. Our entire family rallied around us. This was a DIY wedding weekend. Our morning was kicking off with a mimosa and pajama breakfast Adam and I were doing a lot of the work ourselves with a couple of people on our dream team.
[00:08:03] That's what I wanted to call them. Anyway, I could do none of that and they did. They asked how they could help. I got to lean on Adam so that he could give them directions because every time someone asked me a question, I threw up. That's how bad it was, but it was worth it. In the end, I got what I wanted.
[00:08:24] Every morning in the earlier months of my wedding planning, I would write down what I wanted to experience in my wedding and I wanted to feel supported and connected and holy shit, did I ever. So, that's a dramatic example of even when things do go wrong, they might have gone right. I just want you to keep that in mind when you are dealing with your own worries.
[00:08:53] So let's talk about what you can do when your worries do kick up. If you have been struggling with thoughts of gloom and doom or worry that has been snuffing the joy in your journey. I'm just going to quickly walk you through a few simple things that you can start doing right now to shift it, to feel a little bit better, starting with a gratitude practice.
[00:09:21] A gratitude practice is beautiful. Thinking about the good things in our life just shifts our mood and it lifts our spirit and it's so, so worth it. Start by just jotting down like three to five things that you're grateful for in regard to your wedding journey. daily. It takes two minutes tops. You don't have to get super serious.
[00:09:47] Just be simple. Keep it light. Here's an idea. If you are strapped for time and you're already telling yourself, how am I going to find time to do this? Do it while you're having your morning coffee. Just get out a pen and a notebook and write down a couple of things that you feel grateful for. It might be something like finding a photographer that fit your budget or having that super supportive girlfriend call you yesterday and ask you how it's going.
[00:10:16] It could be you and your partner laughing over something absolutely crazy your sister said. Focus on the fact that you laughed and didn't get pissed. That makes a difference. The second suggestion I have for you is to start reframing those not so pleasant thoughts. Those types of thoughts that feel like a bitch slap.
[00:10:40] You never do anything right, or things are always going to go wrong for you, or when anything good in your life happens it gets taken away or destroyed. The moment you catch yourself thinking something like that, it's all gonna go wrong. Stop. Who says that your wedding's gonna go to shit? It certainly isn't me, because even if it goes bad, even if things go sideways, I think it's still going to be beautiful.
[00:11:10] Just because sometimes some things go wrong doesn't mean all the things always do, right? You're someone's fiancé. . So, replace it with something like, no matter what happens, I can handle it. I've had practice. Or, even if there is an issue, at the end of the day, I'm becoming their wife. I mean, come on.
[00:11:34] That feels undeniably different. Which brings me to the third practice. Affirmations. Now, before you roll your eyes. Listen, they are like declarations. If you keep having thoughts that make you doubt you can pull this off, or if you're just wait for the other shoe to drop, your affirmation might look something like this.
[00:11:57] My wedding is going to be beautiful no matter what. Or, my personal favorite, things are always working out for me. But you don't just stop there. That is the secret. We don't just manifest things by saying them. We have to believe them. We have to feel them viscerally. At least, in my opinion. Don't just say it and consider it done.
[00:12:20] You gotta go find the evidence that what you said is already true. Start to train your brain to believe that good things do happen to you. And then, you'll attract more of what you want. You'll start noticing it. Everybody's heard about the analogy When you buy a blue car, you buy a red car, all of a sudden you see red cars and blue cars everywhere.
[00:12:42] It's like, whoa, does everybody drive this super specific color model car? No, it's just that your brain is going to find proof that you made a good choice, right? It could be anything. Whatever affirmations you choose for yourself, make them meaningful to you, make them simple, and believe it, even just a little.
[00:13:04] It's like layers. I have an old podcast on Roots Change about affirmations and like how to make them work. And I'm going to link it in these show notes because it's so helpful. It's going to be super helpful and I wanted to keep this episode short. So I will share all the things in the show notes. If you're looking to dive even deeper into how well being impacts your wedding, definitely go check out that wedding well being series.
[00:13:30] We don't just go into the mind. We talk about managing stress, cultivating self care practices that we actually want to go to, and how the mind, body, and spirit impact your wedding. And if our topic hit a nerve today, definitely check out episode 2. There are all sorts of tools that you can use. I say, give these 3 tips I just shared today at least a week.
[00:13:58] See what happens when you practice gratitude. Reframe the self talk and affirm yourself daily. See for yourself if it helps shift your mindset about the wedding. You get to decide if things work out. And when you believe that they will, they often do. And if they don't, it's not the end of the world. Your mind has the power to shape your experience.
[00:14:26] You deserve to have a wedding that fills you with happiness and hope. By actively choosing empowering thoughts, you move closer to that. If you're struggling with a sabotaging belief, I want to help. Send me a DM on Facebook or Instagram. You can even send me an email, tell me about it, share what you're going through, get it off your chest, and I'll send you some journaling prompts to help get you started with this.
[00:14:53] And hey, if you're looking for a high level of support, if you want to have a joyful journey to your wedding, and maybe right now you're not, if you want to learn how to harness the power of your thoughts and use them in a way that will help you to shape the day you deserve, let's get you signed up for coaching.
[00:15:13] Let's work through this together, book a consultation and find out if this is the right next best step for you. You got options, babe. And guess what else? You've got a choice. Screw the other shoe. Go barefoot. Until the next time, you deserve your dream wedding, and you're the one who can create it.
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