Wedding Wellbeing: Cultivating Mental Wellness for a Smoother Wedding Journey

Are you ready to transform the way you approach wedding planning? In this episode of Hey Bride, we're addressing the profound impact of mental well-being in your wedding journey. If you've ever felt overwhelmed by the stress of planning your big day, or if you've found yourself thinking, "Why isn't this as fun as I thought it would be?" then this episode is right on time.

Diving into the heart of our Wedding Well-being series, we explore the essential roles of self-awareness, a managed mind, and a healthy mindset in navigating the highs and lows of wedding planning.  Drawing from lessons of lived experience, a bit of science, and proven strategies, this episode is about providing some relief and a path to reclaiming the joy and excitement of your special journey. 

Ready to transform your wedding planning from a hustle to a journey filled with joy and personal growth? Check out this episode's resources:

• Learn more about coaching https://alifecoachforbrides.com/coaching/
• Check out the Self-Coaching Model https://thelifecoachschool.com/self-coaching-model-guide/
• 30 days of Self-Care prompts https://alifecoachforbrides.com/challenge

Limited Time Offer: Join a Small Group Coaching Session!

Ready to revolutionize your wedding planning experience? For a limited time, I'm offering exclusive "Sip & Solve" group coaching sessions for just $25!

Here's what you'll get:

• Intimate, supportive conversations with fellow brides
• Breakthrough strategies for your biggest wedding challenges
• Mindset shifts to rediscover the joy in planning
• Actionable steps to move forward with confidence

Spots are extremely limited and fill up fast. Don't miss this chance to transform your wedding planning journey!

To secure your spot, visit: https://alifecoachforbrides.com/group/

Remember, your extraordinary wedding starts right here!

Transcript

Speaker: Amy Cloonan

[00:00:00] Did you know 70 percent of brides report high levels of stress while planning their wedding? Every bride listening right now is like, yes, Amy, we know this. But what if I told you that you don't have to be part of that statistic? What if I told you you could experience something totally different. Today, I'm going to challenge all of us to stop accepting that stress is just part of the journey.

[00:00:28] It's not. Even if right now that is what you're feeling, this episode is all about providing you with relief. I'm going to share truths about how our thoughts and our mindset impact pretty much everything, and you will leave with tools that, if you put to use, will help you to savor this special time of your life so that joy and the commitment you two are making is the highlight of your wedding story.

[00:00:57] Because stressed shouldn't be. 

[00:01:00] 

[00:01:28] If this is your first time listening to Hey Bride, you're finding us on episode two of a four part series all about the topic of wedding well being. If you missed the first, don't worry about it. You can go back and listen later. It was really just an overview of why self care is so important in your wedding planning.

[00:01:51] And it is. So you'll definitely want to go back. But today, we're talking about the power of your mind. This is one of those topics that lights a fire under my feet. You can't shut me up once we get started. So, I'm hoping to stay on task, but there is so much to cover. I will try to keep it brief, but y'all need to hear me when I say this.

[00:02:16] It's important, crucial to what you experience, not just in this wedding planning thing, but throughout your whole life. Everything else we're talking about in this four week series is obviously significant, but if you want to experience something different from what you're experiencing right now, If you're asking yourself, when is this going to get fun?

[00:02:43] If you want to enjoy this journey, and you're not, if it feels like you're planning your mother in law's wedding instead of yours, if you just want to freaking feel better, this episode, and what we talk about, will show you how you can. And it starts, and happens, through your mindAs we begin to explore this topic, some of you might feel convicted.

[00:03:13] I know I did. I definitely, I definitely did, but it's not a big deal. So don't get defensive. Don't let your brain bully you into thinking that you've done something wrong. Don't believe that what I'm sharing with you means that you're not doing this right. I'm just here to shed a little light on a situation that can change.

[00:03:37] I'm here to share some truths. There is nothing in our current situation, in your current circumstance, there is nothing in your life that has to change for you to have a totally new experience with it. And when you realize just how true that is and you understand how, It's kind of incredible, because you're incredible, your mind is incredible, human beings by default are strong.

[00:04:09] We're survivors, we're adaptable, innovative, we're creative beings. I don't really care what anybody believes, but I know what I believe, and I believe that me, Amy Cloonan, the woman speaking in this microphone right now, hoping to reach your heart, I believe that I can create anything. It doesn't matter what kind of home I was raised in or how much money I have in the bank.

[00:04:34] In fact, it doesn't even matter that I don't know how to do the things that I'm dreaming of right now. I understand the power of my mind, and I intentionally pour into my well being like my life depends on it. Because I know that for me to live the life I love, for me to create the life that I want, for me to enjoy this process, this experience, It's a requirement.

[00:04:59] That is a hill I will die on. I don't care. You will knock me off that hill a million times and I will get right back up and say it loud. Change is possible. It's up to us to create it.

[00:05:11] So, I told you, I told you that this was a hot topic for me. It's not only a hot topic for me, it is like one of my core beliefs, but before we dive into all of the things that helped me to explain this to you. that help you to understand why I'm so passionate about this. I want to invite you to take this journey with me.

[00:05:35] Don't just listen or think that this is me sharing my insights, thoughts, and beliefs. I am, but also I want to explore these ideas with you. I think it'd be awesome if you grabbed a journal or a notebook and you took notes. Not like, don't get, you don't need to get deep with it. Just jot down whatever sticks out, maybe just one word, write down your thoughts, write down your revelations, your insights, your ahas, those gut checks.

[00:06:05] Man, they get you, they feel like, oh, okay, ah, that was something. And after, I'd love for you to share those reflections with me, whatever comes up for you. Even if it's days, weeks, or months later, send me a quick DM on Insta or Facebook, get on the email list, connect wherever is comfortable for you.

[00:06:28] Whatever feels easy. I want to hear your stories, your experiences, your takeaways. how you do or don't relate to this because we're building a community through this. Last time I checked, communities work when people talk to each other. In this space, two way communication is encouraged. It's invited.

[00:06:51] It's appreciated and reciprocated. All right. Now, let's get into this because we have a lot of ground to cover. If I was to sum up why nurturing your mind is important to brides, and everyone else to be perfectly honest, this quote beautifully sums it up. What we think we become. The significance of that simple sentence?

[00:07:19] I mean, it is deep. What we think we become. Who are you becoming right now? What type of bride do you want to be? Stressed? Overwhelmed? Counting down the days? I doubt it. You probably want to be calm and present. Overflowing with joy. What thoughts are you having about yourself right now?

[00:07:41] About this experience? What do you think about your ability to navigate it? How are you doing as a bride? Are you thinking, I got this? Or are you thinking that you're stressed and overwhelmed and you're never going to get through it? What we think, we become. You, ma'am, are in a life transition. Things are changing.

[00:08:03] And you want this. You are planning a wedding, yes. But also, you're entering into a marriage. What does that even mean? What does it mean to be a wife on your terms? How does that conflict with expectations from society, or does it? What do you expect from you? What do you want to be as you become? And how does your mental well being contribute to this?

[00:08:32] These are the types of questions you want to be asking yourself. Especially right now, this level of introspection will anchor you as a bride and throughout your entire life. The quote, what you think you become captures a core principle of Buddhist teachings, which I honestly know very little about, but I do know it's intended meaning, is that thoughts are seen as part of the karma that we create, shaping our future experiences.

[00:09:01] Cultivating positive thoughts, dhamma, we cultivate a more positive future. The way that they are able to do this requires mindfulness and consciously choosing the thoughts that align with the qualities and actions that are desired, which basically means we have a choice. We are not our thoughts. We observe them and we choose them.

[00:09:27] Most people don't actually make a conscious separation between their thoughts and themselves. They just think them,, and then keep having them until they believe them. Which means that your beliefs are just thoughts that are left unchallenged and repeated until you accept them as the truth.

[00:09:46] Which actually brings me back to the very opening of this episode. 70 percent of brides experience high levels of stress while planning their wedding. You don't have to be part of that statistic. You can create new beliefs. You can change your mindset around that. And that's what we're going to talk about as we move through this.

[00:10:07] Thoughts equal feelings. Negative thoughts trigger negative feelings like stress, anger, and sadness. The flip side are optimistic thoughts, positive thoughts that fuel joy, calmness, motivation. The ripple effect of your thoughts, especially in emotional times like, I don't know, planning a wedding, are pretty huge.

[00:10:29] It's very easy to get sucked into negative feelings when you ask yourself all the time, Why is wedding planning so damn stressful?! The more you ask it, the more you believe it. The more you think it's stressful, the more stress you create. Before you know it, you are dealing with anxiety. Not just a little - chronic anxiety. You're not sleeping.

[00:10:51] You can't confidently make a decision and honestly you just want to get this over with. Listen friend, I get it.

[00:11:00] Thoughts that we repeat become beliefs. Beliefs shape our world. Our beliefs about ourself, the world around us, they influence how we perceive and interact with situations and people. Limiting beliefs hold us back. Empowering beliefs push us forward. To become the type of woman who has the audacity to get in front of a mic and record herself.

[00:11:25] To sit here and position myself as your guide. To create the transformation in my life that I needed. To have the wedding I envisioned, I had to learn how to stop sabotaging myself. I had to learn to stop the spiraling negative thoughts that you probably also have and intentionally choose to shift gears, kinder, softer, more compassionate and loving thoughts.

[00:11:53] Even when I wasn't sure that it would work, even when I didn't actually Share the belief. 

[00:12:00] at least tried. It turns out, it did work, and the skills were crucial when I was planning my own wedding. Which, by the way, I almost didn't have. I almost talked myself out of it, and I almost got my husband to go along with my plan. Why? Because the thought of having a wedding hurt, not the wedding itself, but my thoughts about it.

[00:12:27] I'm going to share a very personal story with you. You will find the longer you listen, the more you get to know me, the more interactions we have with each other, that this is commonplace. This is who I am, and this is how I'm able to do what I do. I am willing to bear it all. When my husband proposed I was first really excited because I really, really wanted this.

[00:12:54] I knew I wanted him to be my husband. Probably the first time we really connected on an intimate level. And that was before we were even, even dating. Like I actually considered. this is the kind of man I want to spend the rest of my life with. Before we were even dating. And the time finally came and he proposed and I was so excited.

[00:13:21] And I started to notice as the days went on that it triggered wounds in me. Things that I had thought I had worked through. Things that were hard. Things that would make me talk myself and him out of even having a wedding. This was not my first marriage. I have been married two times before. I have four children.

[00:13:50] I am 41. He's like six years younger than me. And I had to do a ton of self love, self acceptance, self worth work to even be in a relationship with him. I had to first learn how to love myself before I could ever open myself to accepting or allowing love from someone else. And I did.

[00:14:16] But for some ungodly reason, when he asked me to be his wife, I started having all sorts of crazy thoughts come up. Thoughts that I haven't thought about in years. Things like, I wasn't deserving of this. Can you believe that? If you're into astrology, um, my Chiron was all, my Chriron was like, girl, what's up?

[00:14:41] Here I am. I ain't ever going away. It was on. Have you ever felt like you didn't deserve to have a wedding? That you didn't deserve to be a bride? How ludicrous. It sounds ridiculous, but it is something that felt very real. I was telling myself that because it wasn't my first wedding and it was his, I wasn't deserving of it.

[00:15:06] That it was too much. What I wanted and the vision he was sharing with me for what he wanted for our wedding. I didn't think I deserved because , I was listing out a whole slew of reasons of why it wasn't reasonable for us to do this together and they weren't about him.

[00:15:26] They were about me. I couldn't contribute financially in the way that he could. I let that mean all sorts of things because another deep wound is around money, self worth and money for me were very. Deeply connected. I have spent years working through these things. Years. And they're not something that bothers me very often, but sometimes they do and the wedding brought it up.

[00:15:53] So maybe the reason that you're not enjoying this like you thought you would is because you're having all types of wild thoughts about it. Because it's triggered some deep wounds in you. And all you know to do is to react.. It's wild. That is the power of your mind and that is why mindfulness and intention are key.

[00:16:19] I know that this was kind of a dramatic example. I just want you to know that I did realize what was going on with me. I did draw into my awareness the thoughts that I was having. I did self coach myself. That's something I'm going to talk about with you shortly. I did change my mind. I did realize how I was stopping myself and did something different.

[00:16:45] I got over it. I got over the drama and I moved on and we had a beautiful three day wedding weekend. We went big with our bougie budget. I don't think I said that how I thought I would. Anyways, you get the point. We did what we wanted regardless of the thoughts that our brain were offering. That's what I'm trying to share with you.

[00:17:09] You know what? I don't even regret having experienced that. I don't feel bad. It felt bad in the moment, but as soon as I realized what was going on, And I stopped myself from spiraling, I began to think differently, and things changed. I'm actually proud of myself for working through it. It was great. I actually use it as evidence when I'm doing other hard things in my life.

[00:17:35] So what about you? What types of thoughts are you believing? Once brides begin to embrace the fact that their wedding isn't about making other people happy, it's not about pleasing everyone. It's about celebrating the love between them and their partner, the commitment that they're making to each other.

[00:17:54] The interactions become less pressured. They care less. The story shifts, not because said person doesn't get pissed when they're told, no, I'm not interested. But because the story that they were telling themselves about that stops. They begin to form new beliefs around whose happiness they are priortizing.

[00:18:18] Fostering empowering beliefs like certainty that you're deserving and capable of creating the wedding experience you want. Those types of thoughts will up level your planning journey and create more and you'll experience a better version of reality, your version. The wedding that you want, your way, so, how?

[00:18:43] That's probably your question. Like, Amy, you skipped, you skipped the steps. Thoughts create feelings. Feelings influence our actions. Actions determine our results, our reality. Every moment, every decision that you make while you're planning your wedding, From choosing the venue to finding the dress, it's all influenced by a sequence that starts with a single thought.

[00:19:13] These thoughts are the seeds from which our reality grows, they're powerful, and oftentimes we aren't even aware of them. We just drift along with our life, letting our thoughts run wild and free, unaware of the impact that they are having on us. Think about it. When a thought crosses your mind, it doesn't just vanish, it stirs something within you, a feeling.

[00:19:38] This feeling could be joy, anticipation, fear, stress, overwhelm. And it's from these feelings that we take action, we make decisions, we communicate with our partners, our vendors, our families. We shape the day that will mark the beginning of a new chapter in our lives. from a thought. But here's where it gets very interesting and equally empowering.

[00:20:05] The actions we take based on our feelings lead to specific outcomes, our results. If we act from a place of stress, The process feels like a burden, it feels hard, we struggle, we effort, if we act from a place of joy and positive anticipation, our journey becomes a celebration in itself and we want to savor it a little longer.

[00:20:29] We're going to get all the juice we can, all the joy juice. It's just a beautiful experience and that's the journey that you envision. I know it. I'm sure of it. You hoped, you thought, you expected this to be absolutely delightful. You thought you would be celebrated. You thought people were going to show up.

[00:20:51] You thought that your to be spouse was going to be right there in the thick of it with you. You thought this was going to be one of the most happiest times of your lives. And then you started planning, then you started getting quotes, and you had new thoughts, and something shifted. I'm just here to tell you, you can still have that journey.

[00:21:12] If you aren't married, you can still have this, even if it's just for a day, or a month, or a week. I'm going to talk about an incredible Tool. If I do so, say myself. It is a transformative tool that I came upon in my own journey. One that changed everything for me. It broke my brain. It's what we've already been talking about.

[00:21:36] It's Brooke Costello's self coaching model. This. Model isn't just a theory. It's a practical framework that shows us how our thoughts directly influence our feelings, actions, and ultimately lead to our results. It's fascinating. The first time I used this tool on myself, I was like, shut the front door.

[00:22:00] What? It was incredibly empowering to see how I was creating my life. Not in like, um, a weird way. Not like in a, oh, you should do better type of way. I wasn't, there's a lot of crap in my life that was pretty bad, and I didn't create that. They were events that happened to me. So just a note to self. I won't ever forget when I discovered this idea, this model, this tool.

[00:22:31] I had actually spent the last year on an intense self healing journey. I was dealing with self acceptance and self love, la la la, all those things. In a really short amount of time, I had experienced transformation and I started to make some life altering moves. I ended a five year relationship, worked through my stuff, or, you know, I'm still working on it.

[00:22:56] I began the work, I began to prioritize my well being in ways I never knew I should,

[00:23:03] I did all the things I could. Basically, if I read a book or listened to a YouTube or podcast and someone said, Oh, you should try this. I did. If I did and I noticed a difference and I liked it, I stuck with it and it became part of a daily practice and honestly, I have never looked back. I've changed my days in ways, but most of these practices that stuck in the beginning are a part of my life.

[00:23:29] Well, anyway, one day shortly after I moved to Michigan, I was taking a walk around our neighborhood. I do that a couple of times a day. I have a lot of anxiety and walks help. Anyway, I loved listening to the Rachel Hollis podcast. I still do. She's funny, she's relatable, the content is easily digestible, and it helped me to make change.

[00:23:54] You know how sometimes on Spotify or Apple podcast, I'm sure does the same thing. If you're listening to a certain genre, it will suggest other things that it thinks you're interested in like Instagram's algorithm. Well, this happened to be one of those days that it did that. I had just gotten done listening to a podcast and another one showed up it was called a life coach school. Y'all, I didn't even know what a life coach was, but I figured Spotify suggested it for a reason, so I pressed play. What I learned that day will stick with me for the rest of my life.

[00:24:34] It taught me that my circumstances in my life, like planning a wedding, are neutral until I apply thoughts to them. Then, these thoughts spark feelings. The feelings drive my actions, and I take action from those feelings and ultimately create my own results. When I heard that, I was baffled, I was confused, I honestly wasn't sure what to think of it, 

[00:25:02] but I am an Enneagram 7. I am, uh, I could talk to you, Human Design, Astrology, Enneagram, whatever way you look at me, I'm the same. I will challenge things that I am not sure of. Even if I am, I like to challenge myself, so I like to get to the root of things and see if it's true. This was.! When we talk about the stress of planning a wedding, it's not the planning in itself that's stressful, it's our thoughts about it.

[00:25:35] The beauty of this model lies in the simplicity and its power. It offers a clear framework to understand why we feel this way, why we do what we do, and how we can change our feelings by changing our thoughts so that we take different actions and have different results. Does that make sense? It's amazing.

[00:25:54] I will link it in here. It's a free resource she has. I use it on myself for self coaching. , I use it with my clients. It's just something, it's a valuable tool that everyone should use. 

[00:26:07] So, let's break it down. First, you have your circumstances. These are the facts. They're neutral and they're unchangeable. I mean, unless you change your mind. I guess the example I'm about to use, it's a fact until it's not. I am planning a wedding. So as long as you don't change your mind and cancel, you're planning a wedding.

[00:26:31] Thoughts are what you think about the circumstance. So this could be, planning a wedding is overwhelming. You're planning a wedding, your thoughts are planning a wedding is overwhelming. Feelings are how the thoughts make you feel. In this case, maybe stressed or anxious. Then, actions are what you do based on those feelings.

[00:26:57] Perhaps it's procrastination, or obsess over the details, or indecision, which is a decision. Which lead to the results, the outcome of your actions, which often reinforce the original thought. So, if you are telling yourself you're overwhelmed, You're probably overwhelmed. If you're telling yourself that planning a wedding is stressful, you're probably stressed the hell out.

[00:27:29] And this is how it works. But here's where the magic happens. By becoming aware of this cycle, you have the power to change it. Instead of letting the thought Planning a wedding is overwhelming? Take the wheel? You can choose a thought that serves you better. Like, planning a wedding is more than I expected, but I'm figuring it out.

[00:27:53] You are figuring it out. This is something that you can believe. This is something that you can get behind. It's not a giant jump. Sometimes people will say, Think positive thoughts and things will get better. Yes, and they have to be believable. So when I do this kind of work, I just want to make a shift. I want to take a step, not a giant jump.

[00:28:20] If you've been thinking to yourself or saying out loud, planning a wedding is really stressful, this might be a thought you want to try on. This shift doesn't just change how you feel, it changes how you approach your entire wedding planning. It moves you from a place of stress to one of an empowerment.

[00:28:41] It's empowering to tell yourself that you're figuring it out. You're acknowledging the fact that, yeah, it's a lot. It's more than I expected. And I'm figuring this shit out. That feels good. That will fuel how you take action. If we take action from our feelings and we're telling ourselves that we can figure it out and we feel empowered to take action because we're confident that we can figure this out, man, things just get lighter.

[00:29:11] They get quicker. Decisions don't take so long. You have a different result. You have something that resembles the wedding you envisioned. The journey to your wedding you hoped for and very much deserve. Now, I know, I know that all of this can sound a little bit confusing or out there, but trust me, the moment you start applying this model, you will see changes, not just in the planning of your wedding, but in every aspect of your life.

[00:29:43] I suggest you go to that website and you try it for yourself. Now that you got a pretty good idea of that tool and how to use it, let's talk about how mindset affects your wedding journey experience. Think of your mindset as the lens through which you see the world, because that's exactly what it is. It can either enhance your experience or make it super moody.

[00:30:07] Think of someone in your life who's a bit of a negative Nancy. Nothing ever goes right for them. They can be on an all expense paid vacation in the sun, and the snow is flying at home. And they will find something to complain about. The waitress took too long. The bed's too firm. There's kids at the adult pool.

[00:30:28] I mean, come on. You love them? And also? It's heartbreaking. You literally want to shake them to wake them up. We're on vacation. The sun's shining. We're feet from the ocean. Laughter fills the air. This is almost perfect. There's nothing you can do to change them. Why? Because in their reality, all they see is what's not going right.

[00:30:53] They don't have access. To the possibility of what's going on. The same thing can happen when you're planning a wedding. , if you believe that planning a wedding is an impossible task that requires too much from you, you're bound to feel weighed down. Your decisions will feel tougher.

[00:31:14] You're going to do a lot of efforting. But, if you change that to planning my wedding is a meaningful adventure and I'm getting better and better, suddenly your challenges feel different. They're like a moment for growth and learning. Getting closer to your vision.

[00:31:33] I happen to be an optimist. I for sure have a growth mindset. I've always had a growth mindset, even when I was at my worst, even when nothing seemed to be going right. I knew it could. I choose. On purpose. To focus on positive aspects of every situation. I expect good outcomes because I believe in my ability to overcome challenges.

[00:31:58] And I know that I can find something beautiful in every hard situation. Even in loss. Life is 50 50. It's all about balance. 50 percent good, 50 percent hard. How I respond when it's tilted in a more unfavorable way, well that changes what I experience. This was my mindset while I was planning my wedding.

[00:32:25] Understanding your mindset during this process is going to be crucial because it significantly impacts your experience and outcome. Here's why. Mental well being. That's why we're here today, people. According to the statistics, planning a wedding can be very stressful. Your mindset Shapes how you handle this.

[00:32:51] A positive mindset or a growth mindset, I like that better, that reduces your stress, your anxiety, and you're less likely to experience burnout. So you actually enjoy the process without being overwhelmed. Your mindset will help you to make decisions. It influences how you communicate with the people in your life, even your partner.

[00:33:14] It will help shape your experiences. Ultimately, your wedding is about what? It's about celebrating the love of you and your partner. It is a ritual. It is a commitment. And with a clear growth Minded, positive, optimistic mindset, you can focus on what actually matters, creating more joy, creating more meaningful, cherished experiences for yourself and your partner.

[00:33:43] Not just getting through this, but experiencing it, letting this be a catalyst for everything else in your life. What a great jumping off point if it's one that's full of love. What is your mindset around the wedding? Are you feeling apprehensive about planning? Do you catch yourself fantasizing about the outcome but dreading the process?

[00:34:07] Do you just want it to get done? These are signs that maybe there's a bit of a fixed mindset or negative bias going on. And that's okay. We've all been there at some point. I catch myself in moments like this every now and again still, and I know better. I even understand my cues, and yet, here we are again.

[00:34:31] It happens, so don't be hard on yourself. If you're still like, hmm, I don't really know. Here's a couple other questions that could help you gauge if you are in a fixed. Mindset, or if you're leaning towards the negative a little more than you'd like. Do you often feel overwhelmed by the enormity of planning your wedding?

[00:34:53] When you think about your wedding, are your thoughts mostly filled with worry and stress? Do you find yourself focusing on potential problems or setbacks more than solutions and successes? Are you caught in the cycle of trying to please everyone, losing sight of what you and your partner want or value?

[00:35:12] If you answered yes to most of these, you're probably dealing with a fixed or possibly stress driven mindset. If you are, know that it's okay. Identifying your mindset isn't about blaming or shaming yourself. In fact, shame has no place here. Period. Never will. Awareness is the first building block to making a positive shift.

[00:35:37] kudos for you for being brave enough to take this step. Now, it's up to you to decide what you want to do with this. It's not about Flipping a switch and suddenly becoming an optimist or a bundle of positivity. Although people might make you feel like it is. It's not, and it can't be. That's not real.

[00:36:02] Trust me, change takes time, and there is such a thing as toxic positivity. This is a gradual process, and it's okay. Practice makes progress. If when you ask those questions to yourself, you didn't love the answers, and you want to begin to shift into a more growth or optimistic mindset, these are some things that I have found very useful in my own journey.

[00:36:32] And we've kind of talked about all of these in some kind of way or another. Shifting your mindset begins with self awareness. You can't do it without knowing where you're at. Self awareness lays the foundation for any meaningful change. Any change. So start today by observing your thoughts without judgment.

[00:36:52] It can be hard. You might not like what you discover, but just see it and have compassion for what you're seeing. What are the reoccurring themes? Do you find yourself worrying about what others think? Are you agonizing over the countless decisions you have left to make? Are you beating yourself up?

[00:37:09] Once you become aware of your own pattern, you can begin to shift your focus. Remember, you're not trying to stop your thoughts. Your thoughts are going to be there whether or not you're aware of them. You are not your thoughts. Your brain offers thoughts. It's honestly just doing its job, it's your role as the empowered bride that I know you are.

[00:37:34] Acknowledge them, let them pass, and steer your focus towards constructive thoughts. That last piece, that's intention. Self awareness is being mindful. So you are telling yourself, hey, I don't really love my mindset around this, I'm going to try to do something different. All you do is you pay attention to your thoughts and decide on the ones you want to shift.

[00:38:01] You choose to focus on constructive thoughts versus deconstructive ones. You want to know something that you can do right now to really help you in that process? 

[00:38:13] Prioritize gratitude and practice empathy. appreciation. Practicing gratitude and appreciation can be a game changer for you as a bride. Focusing on what you're thankful for reduces anxiety, boosts your happiness, and improves how you think, which we already learned changes everything. I love a morning gratitude practice.

[00:38:37] It is part of my daily routine, so I suggest to you to start one of your own and start small by just acknowledging a few things that you're grateful for every morning. You can keep it in a gratitude journal or just write it on a piece of paper. It doesn't really matter. Just list out a few things that took place or that you noticed in the last 24 hours.

[00:39:01] Did you get a really good night's sleep? Has it been weeks? If it has, I bet you're pretty happy that you slept. Maybe your sister called just to check in and see how you were doing. It could be anything, big or small, but I like to not be general. I like to be specific. And I don't like to just write things like, I'm grateful for my partner or my kids.

[00:39:25] No. I'm looking for the things in my life that occurred to me.

[00:39:29] Which leads us into appreciation. Appreciation, for me, is more like an in the moment daily practice. For me, it might look like Driving to Kroger right after work because I forgot something on my grocery list. And then, just as I'm pulling up, someone's pulling out. And it's like prime real estate. The place is packed, this parking is right in the front, happens to be right next to the register, that is right next to the product that I need, bada bing, bada boom, I'm in, I'm out, I'm on my way.

[00:40:06] Acknowledging that that happened. Feels good. It's like dang things are always working out for me. Here's the proof. So have Appreciation for good things that happen in your life Also have appreciation for the people that are supporting you throughout this process Even if they're driving you crazy like your mom who keeps sending you links for different mother of the bride dresses Just be grateful that she wants to experience this with you.

[00:40:39] Appreciate the fact that she cares about your opinion and that she wants to share in your excitement. Babe, savor this. Think, wow, I am so blessed. Some brides don't have this. Some brides have lost their mamas. Some of them just can't include them because they're not safe. And my mom? I mean, come on. She wants to be a part of this.

[00:41:08] ,I'm thinking about my mom right now, and I am feeling such an intense appreciation for her, and I have gratitude for all of those stupid links. I remember how beautiful she was that day. I could feel that she knew she was beautiful. You know how you know when someone knows they look good? You can see it, it like radiates from them.

[00:41:32] It's that bridal glow people always talk about. Well, guess what, honey? You get to share this with people like your mom.

[00:41:41] Also, all those links to all those dresses, they weren't even all just about what she wanted to look like. They weren't about her feeling beautiful. She wanted you to feel proud and she wanted to make sure that you approved it. It is so wonderful to be cared for like that. , I had to take a break from recording this podcast to call my mom.

[00:42:08] I , started to feel pretty emotional as I was addressing this because it was definitely something I experienced. It drove me. Nuts. At least I would, my mom kept sending me links to all these dresses and they were all beautiful and I honestly, I just didn't want to have to be the one to decide. I wanted her to choose.

[00:42:29] , I just couldn't handle another decision, but I realized. That it had nothing to do with that. It was all the things that I just described. She just wanted to be a part of this, and she wanted me to know that she cared. And it was exciting. It was really cool. I live in Michigan, she lives in Wisconsin, and it was kind of a really nice way to connect over this.

[00:42:54] Over this moment in my life. Anyway, I love you mom. That's what I called to tell her. I wanted her to know that I have such an appreciation for memories like this. I get to look back on my journey and think about the links my mom sent me, get a laugh, and also feel loved. That's what's possible through this.

[00:43:21] When I was on the phone with my mom, she said, You know what, Amy? For most people, this type of stuff doesn't click until years later. And suddenly it's like, oh, I get it now. And that's too bad. And it is. That's what's so great about this. You are learning this now. Gaining new awareness.

[00:43:43] And you don't have to be a statistic. You can notice and appreciate the moment that you're in and the people who are a part of it right now. It's the journey, my friends. It's not the destination. I promise you this. A daily dose of gratitude and a practice of appreciation can make a world of difference in your perspective.

[00:44:05] It can be the thing that helps you to create the shift. let's talk about how to embrace a growth mindset. This is about redefining the way you perceive challenges and setbacks. Instead of seeing them as roadblocks, view them as opportunities to learn and grow. If a vendor falls through, rather than focusing on the disappointment that you feel, channel your energy into finding potential alternatives.

[00:44:38] I actually have an example, well I have a lot of examples of this, but a few months ago a bride had reached out to me for this exact reason. They were about a month out from their wedding and their caterer bailed. This was an outdoor reception on a family member's property. There was no wiggle room in what they could pay whatsoever.

[00:45:04] All the alternative catering quotes were coming back as double or triple what they were planning to pay this other company, The bride honestly believed that her wedding was doomed. She was devastated. She thought that they were going to have to cancel. She was spiraling. She couldn't see the possibility and there were so many.

[00:45:26] I bet right now you can think of at least 10. But she was stuck. She didn't have access to any of the solutions that were clear as day to me. that's how a fixed mindset works. You can't see. What's right in front of you. If you have your very own version of this happening in your life right now, practice self compassion.

[00:45:50] Planning a wedding is a very big task. It is. Let's not pretend that it isn't. Depending on your own circumstances or the extent that you've chosen to participate in this, there can be days that you feel overwhelmed. There will be days that you, too, have an increased sense of stress. That doesn't mean anything has gone wrong.

[00:46:13] You won't always think supportive, helpful, or positive thoughts. That doesn't make you less competent or capable. Practice self compassion. Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding that you extend to a friend in your same situation. Remind yourself that it's okay that you don't have all the answers right away.

[00:46:36] It's okay that you don't know what the next best step is. It's okay. Fine to ask for help. In fact, you should treat yourself how you would treat your best friend. In my experience, nurturing a positive, optimistic, or growth mindset doesn't just transform your wedding planning journey. It spills over into every aspect of your life.

[00:47:01] This is your chance to cultivate techniques that will not only make your wedding planning a joyful journey, but also equip you with the tools to thrive in your married life and all aspects of your life. So embrace the process, babe. Grow yourself. Mindset shifts take work. Don't shy away from it. Do self care practices.

[00:47:26] Do mindful self care practices. These are the choices that you have to make for yourself. , if you want to change, plan for them. Prepare for them. Decide ahead of time that you will and be intentional on purpose. That's what mindfulness and intention is all about. I understand that the idea of our thoughts shaping our perceived reality or creating our results, what we think we become, I get that that might sound a bit out there or woo for some people and also know that I don't like that phrase.

[00:48:00] It's just used and I know you're going to know what I mean. I get it. I understand that this concept feels intangible. Even a little mystical, which personally I find fun. Sign me up for that. If you're having a hard time relating to this, let me offer you something different. Something, as our friend Mel Robbins would say, is grounded in science.

[00:48:28] If that's what you need to really grasp this, Girl, I will try. I will do my best. I'm not a neuroscientist. But I have learned enough about the basics to at least understand why mastering our mind is incredible and useful during life's moments. Like, I don't know. Planning a wedding. Our brains are incredibly powerful, constantly processing information and shaping our perception.

[00:48:55] We are observers. Cognitive behavioral therapy is a well established psychological approach. It teaches us that our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors are interconnected. Kind of what we've been talking about this whole time. Negative thought patterns can lead to stress and anxiety affecting decisions and actions that we take.

[00:49:19] On the flip side, having positive thoughts can lead to more constructive behaviors and outcomes. So understanding how our thoughts influence our wedding planning can be a game changer to you. Especially when it comes to something as stress inducing as the budget. Let's go back to the bride that came to me after her caterer backed out.

[00:49:42] That was their circumstance, but I know a lot of brides share this thought. How are we going to afford this? I had that thought. That thought almost had me talking myself out of the wedding I wanted. How are we going to afford this? Can you feel that? I can feel it. This thought can easily spiral into a hundred others.

[00:50:08] It can drum up stress and anxiety like no other, and that will impact your ability to make clear, confident decisions about your wedding. It lowers your vibration and you show up as a lesser version of yourself. Just not your best. We've all been there, so you know exactly what I'm talking about.

[00:50:28] How could we shift that thought? How can we afford this? Using the principles of cognitive behavioral therapy. CBT teaches us that our thoughts, emotions, and behaviors are deeply connected. So when you catch yourself thinking this is too expensive, or we won't have enough money, or how are we going to afford this?

[00:50:50] It's not just a fleeting thought. It stirs up feelings of worry and inadequacy. But how does that feel? It doesn't feel terrific. How good will you be at making decisions when you're in this emotional space? Not great. It truly is a self sabotaging cycle. Now, imagine transforming those types of thoughts.

[00:51:14] into ones that are a little nicer, a little more helpful. We can plan a beautiful wedding that is in our budget. Or for her, the thought she borrowed was, I know how to be creative with money and I'm open to figuring this out. This doesn't mean denying the reality of your financial constraints. Instead, it's about focusing on creativity, resourcefulness, and what's truly important about your wedding.

[00:51:42] This types of shift in thinking lead to empowerment, resourcefulness, tenacity, driving you to take proactive steps, not procrastination.

[00:51:55] Choosing thoughts like this lead to researching budget friendly options. Having open conversations with your people about the situation you're in. It's the negative Nelly. Realizing she's been wearing dark lensed glasses, taking them off, placing them , in the sand next to her, and realizing that there's an entire world around her.

[00:52:19] And it's beautiful. That is the power of the mind. That is what CBT helps you to do. This approach doesn't minimize stress. It just opens up a world of possibilities. It isn't wishful thinking. It's about actively using the science of how our brain works to change our outcomes. It's magic!

[00:52:44] By practicing this approach, couples can navigate the complexities of wedding planning and experiences with less stress. Meaning, you're not the statistic. Neuroplasticity is another fascinating area. I am definitely going to just read this because I know less. I could demonstrate this with my hands better than I can with my words, but neuroplasticity shows us that our brains are capable of forming new neural connections throughout our lives.

[00:53:20] This matters because these pathways are like super highways for information to travel. Signals jump from one neuron to another, carrying messages about everything you see, feel, think, and do. The more you use a specific pathway, the wider and stronger it becomes. Okay, let's just think about this like a well worn out hiking trail.

[00:53:43] Do you hike? I do. And as it turns out, I prefer to use trails that a lot of other people use they're easier to travel on. , when I make a decision to go on a trail, I'm going to go onto my app, AllTrails, and I'm going to find trails where I see lots of reviews. I'm going to check out the picture.

[00:54:00] I'm going to see if the path is worn, and if it is, I'm probably going to choose that. over one that looks overgrown and rustic and difficult to navigate. , our brain does the same thing. That's how we make decisions. That is our default. Our brain sends us down the easiest trail, the path of least resistance, even if it's the hardest one, just because we know it so well.

[00:54:25] , Neuroplasticity allows those trails to be rerouted, widened, and created anew. Your brain constantly rewires itself based on your experiences, your thoughts, and your actions. The key in that sentence, by the way, is thoughts. Your thoughts are going to influence your feeling and trigger the action that you take.

[00:54:48] Thus, my point being, you're going to take the trail you know so well instead of the one that's a little more overgrown. The one that might lead you to a better destination, but isn't really traveled on much. , , you have to be intentional about taking it. That's the power of your thought.

[00:55:08] Then there is the placebo effect. It is a clear demonstration of the mind body connection, and frankly, I love it. To me, the placebo effect is pure magic. It shows us that positive beliefs and expectations can lead to real tangible improvements in our health. Nothing's changing yet everything changes. So while the same statement about our thoughts creating our reality might be an oversimplification, there is undeniable evidence that the quality of our thoughts profoundly impact our experiences and the outcomes that we have.

[00:55:51] Don't believe me? Look at the science. It's there. Follow the facts. As you continue to navigate planning your wedding, being mindful of your thought patterns can only make that journey more enjoyable, more fulfilling, more joyous. So why the hell not try, right? What's the worst thing that happens?

[00:56:16] You have a positive outcome? That's not so bad. This is the type of work that brides come to me for. It's not about checking off the to do list, choosing decor that matches your aesthetic, or the budget. That's what planners are there for. Our sessions are all about creating change through growth.

[00:56:41] Elevating the wedding experience by prioritizing well being. Building confidence required to execute this wedding you envisioned. That's what we face together in coaching. As we wrap up today's journey through the power of our mind and the transformative potential of our thoughts, I want to extend a special invitation to you.

[00:57:05] This conversation doesn't have to end here. In fact, this can be the beginning of something beautiful, a transformative journey towards not just a wedding that reflects your deepest desire, but a life filled with intention, joy and fullfillment. If today's episode resonated with you, if you found yourself nodding along or jotting down notes, or maybe just experiencing a few a ha's, take the next step.

[00:57:34] Reach out, share your thoughts, your breakthroughs, and yes, even your hesitations. I'm here to listen, to support, and to guide you. Join our Hey Bride newsletter where I go a little deeper into the topics and share insights, tips, and stories from brides just like you. It's a space where we continue conversation.

[00:57:59] Where you're not just the listener, but a valued member of a community that's all about embracing the joy, the love, and the profound growth that can come from this unique time in your life. Together. And if you're feeling called to explore even more, to really dive into what coaching can do for you as you navigate not just the wedding, but your journey into marriage and beyond that, book a consultation.

[00:58:27] Let's have a heart to heart. Let's talk about where you are in your journey, where you're celebrating, and where you're finding challenges. I follow up with a free, personalized resource based on our conversation that I think might help. No strings attached. My goal is to create a meaningful impact in your life.

[00:58:47] To light the path towards a wedding and marriage filled with love, joy, empowerment, and intentional living. My personal mission, outside of being a coach or this podcast, is to help as many people as possible go from this is as good as it gets to living a life they love. This is my way of doing that. It is a gift.

[00:59:11] It's a gift for me to be able to. So don't hesitate. If you're interested, just reach out, whether it's a DM on Instagram or an email, take the step. Let's make the journey one of empowerment, growth, and deep joy. You're not just planning a wedding here, you are creating the narrative of your life. You are writing your own story, so let's make it one worth telling.

[00:59:40] Thank you so much for joining me today. This was quite a long one. I don't know if you can tell, I'm losing my voice. I am not used to this. I so appreciate you for opening your mind and your heart to the possibilities that lie within you. Until the next time, remember, you are not your thoughts. You can create what you want.

[01:00:03] You have what it takes to create the wedding you envisioned. Love you lots. Talk to you next week.