027:Breaking Through Barriers By Knowing Your Athlete's Tendencies With Ashley Carter

Our guest this week is Coach Ashley Carter. Ashley is a  team-building and leadership expert who empowers leaders and athletes to unlock the tools already within them so that they dominate not just the game, but also the game of life! Her mission in life is to arm athletes, students, teams, coaches, and teachers with the identity, confidence, and mental skills they need to succeed at anything in life, not just the game or societies perception of success.

Episode Highlights:

• Ashley's work with HBCUs
• How investing in mental performance helps the underdog
• Why understanding your identity is important for success
• How personality assessments can help you know yourself better

Connect with Ashley:
Instagram: @coachashleycarter
X: @Coach__ACarter
www.coachashleycarter.com

More ways to work with Fearless Fastpitch

• Learn about our proven Mental Skills Program, The Fearless Warrior Program
• Book a One on One Session for your Athlete
• Book a Mental Skills Workshop for your Team or Organization

Follow us on Social Media

• Facebook @fearlessfastpitchmentaltraining
• Instagram @fearlessfastpitch
• Twitter @CoachAB_

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:01

Welcome to the Fearless Warrior podcast, a place for athletes, coaches and parents who know the value of a strong mindset. I'm your host, coach AB, a mental performance coach on a mission, former softball coach, wife and mom of three. Each episode we will dive deep into all things mental performance, mindset tools and how to rewire the brain for success. So if your goal is to gain the mental edge and learn the secrets of mental performance, you're in the right place. Let's tune in to today's episode.

Speaker 1: 0:37

Coach Ashley Carter is a team building and leadership expert. I have gotten to know her this past year and watch her impact teams and programs all across the country. She is amazing at empowering leaders and athletes to unlock the tools already within them so that they dominate not just in the game, but also in the game of life. Sound familiar Fearless Fam. That's exactly why I wanted to bring her on this podcast. Her mission is stride for stride in alignment, for making the world a better place through identity, confidence and mental skills. Coach Carter's career in coaching and mentorship began 17 years ago when she became a volunteer coach for a local community sports league. She has since coached and mentored students and athletes both in the K through 12 and college sector, making stops at Menlo College, ndnu and the University of Washington, and I have the pleasure of having Coach Carter live here with me. Let's go, let's dive in. Welcome to the Fearless Warrior podcast.

Speaker 2: 1:38

Oh man, what's up? So excited to be here. Thanks for having me.

Speaker 1: 1:41

Let's go. It has been so fun to just walk with you in this coaching journey. I know we always joke, you know kind of on our monthly calls and the opportunities that we get to have to support each other. It gets lonely at times and so I think just hearing your stories the not just the glamorous but the behind the scenes of what you do, and for the Fearless Fam listening, give us a look. What, what do you have going on? Where are you at? What's kind of in your, in your day to day right now?

Speaker 2: 2:12

Sure, sure. Well, first of all, I'm definitely still located in Washington. I always get the question, hey, where do you live now? And I'm like, well, we lived here before I started at UW, so this is my home now. My wife is from here, so that's one thing I just like people to know.

Speaker 2: 2:25

But currently, right now, I am traveling across the world working with different programs, from community college all the way to D one, helping them build better championship cultures. I'm also working through right now building a coaching the coaches program, really creating some sort of personal development, communication development that they can be leaders who help their athletes perform at their best. So I'm trying to create a full circle sort of opportunity to capture everyone and empower everyone in the process but also make the team function and flow together. So those are a couple things that I've been working on. Right now I'm heading down to Atlanta a couple weeks to work at one of the first HBCU tournaments. That's historically Black College for those who don't know HBCU stands for, but we're going to be out there in Atlanta working with that particular organization and just excited about that. So those are a couple things that have going on right now.

Speaker 1: 3:20

I'm going to live vicariously through you. I want to hop on a plane and be able to travel. You do quite a bit of travel. Tell us some of the teams, if you can. What are some of the teams that you're working with all across the country?

Speaker 2: 3:34

Yeah, so most recently I've worked with Sacramento State. I've worked with Fullerton Community College. I've worked with the Turbo University. I've worked with North Carolina Central, who, in fact, last year won their conference tournament, also went to the regionals for the first time in school history and I got to work with them last year in order to help them get there. So I've worked with them. I worked with a school called Lafayette College, a division one school down in Pennsylvania. So those are a few of the schools that I've worked with, but again, naia D2. Oh, also, grace College is another one that I'm currently working with right now as well. So really the range is big. San Jose State last year. So that's a few of the schools.

Speaker 1: 4:18

So fun. And did you get to travel for the postseason? You got to go support your team. Yeah, that was so fun to watch.

Speaker 2: 4:25

Yeah, I got. I went down there for their conference tournament, which was down in Virginia, and then I flew back and then a week later I flew back with them to Atlanta where they have the regionals at Georgia.

Speaker 1: 4:36

So awesome. Yeah, like I said, living vicariously through you. So what is it? What does that feel like? Knowing that you've worked with this team? You've really been intentional about building their culture, building their mental skills, having those really cool conversations. As I mean, you're essentially an extension of the coaching staff and now you get to support them on their biggest stages, making history for their school. What was that like?

Speaker 2: 5:02

Oh, it was amazing. I think it was even more amazing because it was close to me. I went to an HBCU myself and the resources that we had weren't as great as some of maybe the Washington that I got to experience, but I think, specifically for that school that technically don't even have a field, so there are a lot of barriers within that particular school that would give them any reason to say they were unable to be successful and have good reason, like they don't have a space that they can call their own to actually go whenever they want to do work. You know they have to actually like schedule it out and things like that. And so I think, like working with the sort of not underdogs, but those who are not supposed to be successful, be successful.

Speaker 2: 5:46

I really truly enjoy that process of life and, honestly, I think a lot of us, whether we think we're supposed to be successful or not, a lot of our mentality puts us in a situation of imposter syndrome where we automatically tell ourselves or self doubt, where we automatically tell ourselves that we are not supposed to be successful. So I think, whether it's true or not, I think a lot of us put ourselves in that mentality. So it's my job to help get you out of that mentality and find the ways why you should be successful. So I think that's what I really love about working with just different aspects of teams.

Speaker 1: 6:19

I love that you mentioned that of you know the stigma of underdog or imposter syndrome or however you want to address that is, they're investing in a mental performance coach. They're investing in their culture and their leadership. And that is just so exciting because I think and this is a great way to knock, if you're one of those coaches that hasn't quite figured out how to work mental performance into the budget, or you are a program, whether you're a travel team or college, I think you're absolutely right is it starts with that mindset of, well, we've never done it that way. Or, you know, if we flip the table, we've never done it this way. And what a beautiful insight to why not get scrappy, why not find advantages, why not invest in culture in? And it paid off, especially for the teams you're working with. I mean, it's going to keep turning over more and more than you're working with. I think the proof is in the pudding they're going to start reaching higher and higher stages.

Speaker 2: 7:19

I agree, yeah, it's a.

Speaker 2: 7:21

It's a cool thing and I think you're right, like I really would. I really hope that coaches sort of get on the the idea of you know a lot of the barriers or the things I can get in the way. Usually, when I work with teams, we kind of go through this concept of you know what does it take to be a championship program and then what are the things I can get in the way? And more times than not, the things I can get in the way are nothing to do with the physical aspects of the game, but more sort of do with the people aspects of the game or the mentality aspects of the game. And so when I say people, I'm talking about some of our mindsets or our condition beliefs that we've grown up with, our PTSD's and our as Colin Henderson says trauma, drama, daddies and mamas these are the things that really hold us into this sort of space where we got to work through those things in order to unlock that potential that we have within us so I'll challenge you on that.

Speaker 1: 8:14

Can you go a little bit deeper? Do you feel like this comes at the coaching level? Do you feel like this comes at the parent level? I mean, I guess in college parents should be, should be a little more removed, but we're finding they're more and more involved with each generation. I think about where's the most impact these players would be. That third one is it coaches, is it parents? Is it players? Where, where do you find yourself really finding those?

Speaker 2: 8:42

those barriers? I'm so glad you asked that question because you know really I'm at the at the forefront of what I do. When I first started my business three years ago, I really spent a lot of time in the eighth to tenth grade range, and I really like that age range because I think they are impressionable, they're willing to listen because usually most of them have these really big goals they want to accomplish, which most in most cases is getting recruited, and so they're gonna try to do any and everything they can to make sure that they have a leg up to stand out to college coaches so that they can't get recruited. So I think that is a great age because not only that, it's also impressionable in a way where they'll take what people say and if it doesn't fit them, most times they'll still take it on, which starts to alter their authenticity, which really then puts them in situations where really they're not comfortable with or or succeed at. For instance, maybe they go after certain schools because of a name or because someone says this makes this, this makes you an elite player.

Speaker 2: 9:43

If you play for this level of us of a college and if that's not their fit, what happens is they get there and they are unsuccessful, but they're also trying to be something that mess maybe. Necessarily they're not, not necessarily on a skill level, but on the commitment level, on a buy-in level, on a drive level, on a motivation level they're not there. And so I think, with this age group, what my job is and what I really like to do with that age group is really help them to understand more about what are their strengths and their uniqueness is what things really make them stand out and succeed. But also like help build their communication skills, like how do I actually know what type of coaching style I like to play under? How do I kind of spend more time if I need to go talk to a coach? How do I get comfortable with talking to them about like I need this in order for me to be successful here?

Speaker 2: 10:34

So I think that age group is a really good age group and I really like working with that group. But I also think where the struggle comes in for me and why I shifted into colleges is, quite frankly, their parents are the ones spending the money on this sort of thing and I think sometimes they're overextended. You know we got tournaments and tournament fees and club fees and uniforms and equipment and all these lessons and you know all the things, and so to then add on, okay, hey, like you should have a mental performance coach, sometimes that just it overextends financially that family but then it overextends the player too. So but I really still think that's a really good age. So I think once I start my nonprofit I will still be finding ways to pour into that group, because I really think that is a sweet spot of getting those athletes to really transform into who they want to become and what tools they need and skills they need to move through that process even before they step foot on a college campus, exactly made the right decision.

Speaker 1: 11:36

I love you to me on on college campuses on it's too late if you're me yeah, all the conversations I've had with college coaches they've echoed the same thing of if you can get to a kid and I know that they are prepared mentally. They have that resilience which not to get into this, because you and I can have a whole conversation about how travel ball we have watered it down with all of these exposures and we're not playing real games, real competition, yeah, and we're kind of robbing them on the physical side, which then robs them on the mental side because they're not having to work through tough counts, tough situations. You know a lot of the exposure tournaments. If you're only playing two innings, each girl gets two innings and then we have certain counts and certain runners on base right. I totally get what you mean about that age really needing this because, a they're facing recruiting, but b can you go back to that identity piece?

Speaker 2: 12:31

where.

Speaker 1: 12:32

I think, so often the mistake that that kids make and I hate that I just called them kids because they're young women. They have a really big decision to make and we get so swept up in the one or bust, or I want to play in the SEC, or Big 10 or whatever that looks like. Can you kind of go back to yeah, why are you so passionate about identity?

Speaker 2: 12:55

yeah, absolutely, and thanks for asking that question too, because really, when I do work with teams or athletes or whoever, we talk about goals and I think that that definitely falls under a line of a goal. But really, when you're talking about goals, most goals start as defaults, and what I mean by that is most goals start in this place where it's like I want this for a different reason. I don't, we don't know what the reason is. All the time we don't even ask what the reason is all the time. But most times, if we kind of continue to ask the question of why do I want this and what does it give me, more times than not we're getting back to self-worth and validation, and so these are two areas where, honestly, that thing may get them, they may think they get some to that, but when they get there they're still unfulfilled. It's because we haven't got to the core of their identity, of really figuring out where is the lack of self-worth and validation coming from. So we have to really dig a little bit deeper into that in order to kind of understand that concept.

Speaker 2: 13:54

But really, most people's goals start at a default of either fear, comparison, not letting other people down, my parents expectations, things like that. So we really need to kind of dig a little bit deeper into that process in order to be able to get them to build their identity backup. Once we are able to do that, then we're now creating more of a. What does it look like for me? And they're young, right, so like things will change, like it's like a puzzle not even a puzzle, but like there are pieces that will kind of stay and will leave but like we want to create the foundation that at the core, you are a human being who was imperfectly perfect for you, for the world, right, and so like that's what we want to get them to realize is that you are unique, valuable and enough just as you are, and that these things don't add or take away from that value. It just kind of enhances how you have an impression on other people or impact other people to then realize their value as well.

Speaker 1: 14:49

Boom, mike drop. I love that. I can already tell that Hannah is going to have an awesome job building out the socials for this podcast. It's coming week because it's so good, so many nuggets to take away from that. So I know you, I know the behind the scenes and I love seeing you work. I would be doing a massive disservice if we did not talk about one of your favorite things to do with teams, which you and I have talked about and I can, of course, we're going to dive into it. But disk, the acronym DISC, the disk profile, is one of the tools that you use, which I nerd out so much on whatever, regardless whether it's we use color personalities, you use disk. Yeah, why, like, what is the point of a personality test in your own? Oh man.

Speaker 2: 15:37

Well, the personality test helps us understand that people have three things strengths, blind spots and primary emotions. And so if we are either entering an environment, we want to understand how other people will affect those things, but then also how our things strength, blind spots, primary emotions how those will affect the environment, and so I think it's an empowering piece. But I can give you an example when I took it for the very first time I was 30 years old, so pretty old in the game and as far as like experiencing this, yeah, I see you backpedaling on that.

Speaker 1: 16:13

Right, right.

Speaker 2: 16:14

As far as experience in this, this is that's it. But but you know and I was I was really going through a tough time. I was, I had just left in D and U to go back to Midlowe College to be an administrative sorry, a associate director of admission. So I completely got a coaching for a really brief moment because I thought it was what I was supposed to do. I also thought it was I was getting married soon, so I had to grow up and get a real person job, as they say, and so I got into that field, actually being hired by the athlete director for Midlowe College, because he now took over that aspect of the school too. And so I was in that space really, I think, questioning my identity, like hey, like, like, do I feel good in this space? Did I do this for other reasons or other persons besides my own? And then, to top it off, I think I also was dealing with a boss who I didn't get along with very well, right, and I think, like I've had moments of this throughout my life and I had to really step back and take some reflection and say, well, you know, if this is something that is continuing to happen, I don't think it's them, I think it's me Right, and I mean, I have to be honest with myself on the confrontations or the lack of connections that I'm able to build, and so I had to do a little bit of my own research. But the dis assessment was the thing that really got me to learn some of the intricate details of myself and how I show up, Because really, without it, I just thought that like I was just this sort of, I would say, improver, critical thinker, critical person, super irritated and frustrated all the time when people didn't do what they said they were going to do when they said they were going to do it. But really I learned through the dis assessment that those are some of the things that make me who I am. And so now, with the dis assessment, it allows me to understand myself and even my blind spots, Because, like I said, we have strengths and blind spots. So really now it's like OK, when I know I need something, now I have the language to say hey, you know, what would be really helpful for me is if you give me all the details, you tell me exactly what you want and I will get it done for you, versus like trying to figure it out and guess and then getting frustrated when they tell me that's not what they want, Right? So there's like that dynamic and I think even today I still use it.

Speaker 2: 18:37

I have a 14 U softball program and I purposely sit with every family member and their daughter and have this very conversation where I say to them hey, I just want you to know, I, on this dis assessment, I fall very heavily on task. That is where my brain goes all the time. I don't have any relationship side very much at all. So I might be driving to practice and I might get out of the car and I walk right past all six or seven of you to go straight to the field to set things up. And it's not because I'm mad or I'm upset, it's because my brain goes right to that.

Speaker 2: 19:14

Now, as I've learned myself, I've learned to alter that a little bit.

Speaker 2: 19:17

Like OK, like you got to speak to people when you walk by them, right, and so now I do that. But I told them that like, hey, that is still my default by nature and so sometimes that might happen. So I want you to know before it happens that it might happen. And now what it does is it creates this sort of grace and it leaves little assumption, and I think that's where teams struggle is a lot of times they don't communicate or really don't know. They don't know who they are Number one about, like those types of things of blind spots, strengths and primary emotions. But I think besides that when they do know that, they don't know how to communicate that to other people. So usually the lack of team and team camaraderie comes because we're assuming things about people instead of asking the question, and most of us don't like to ask the question. So the disk is like a life saver for me and I think it really helps teams once we figure out who we are and how we communicate, what our strengths, blind spots and primary emotions are.

Speaker 1: 20:12

I just I want to affirm you in saying what guts it takes to be able to flip the mirror and look in the mirror and say, hey, maybe there is something to this in that position that you were in to discover the disk in the first place. What a beautiful gift.

Speaker 1: 20:27

And now you know right, right, I love so, as a fellow D and a very task oriented person, now I'm even getting why you and I click so as a coach. Ok, so coaches that are listening, this is so fun. You can look it up. You could hire Ashley to work with your team wherever you fall on this journey of discovery. I think the biggest mistake that we make to as coaches and my college coach made this mistake I vividly remember taking the disk assessment. As a little freshman, my first year of college, we were at like a camp. We did this ropes course.

Speaker 2: 21:05

And I was so motivated.

Speaker 1: 21:07

And so I'm this eager freshman and we're all sitting down in this kumbaya circle and we've got our clipboards in our sheets. It might have actually been my sophomore year, because I think my sister was there, anyway. So we're taking this assessment and we're all getting our results and I remember being D dominant, like like chart tipping. Anytime I take a personality test, it's usually chart tipping and it's very heavy in one area and in the disk assessment I was hardcore. No doubt about it. I'm a D, I dominate the room, I'm very direct, I'm I want to debate things like let's go Right, and I love your description of walking past parents.

Speaker 1: 21:46

Well, the funny thing was is I did not get along with my team and I was technically a transfer because my college had closed down, which is a whole another story that I should do a podcast. So I always felt like I was the odd man out. But here I was trying to dominate my 26 other teammates and it just wasn't working. Everyone else stood up and shared their disk profile. Out of 26 girls, I was the only D. Yep.

Speaker 2: 22:13

Very common, very common, very common. In fact. I think I've kind of created this theory in my own head. I haven't done any research on it yet, but I really think it's the sport that we play, that I think when I work with basketball teams there's a few more or a lot more D dominant athletes, and I think it's because I think they have to make decisions a lot faster and it's kind of quick, Like you don't have time to like think, oh, am I going to hurt someone's feelings? Am I going to do this, or am I going to get on somebody's nerves? Am I going to be mad at me? It's like no, I got to make a decision.

Speaker 2: 22:50

And I think with softball sometimes we have the opportunity to analysis, paralysis things and like, well, what about this scenario in that case? In this case, Well, what happens if we have that? And that's why coaches get questions when they're like, hey, first and third, we're doing this, and then all your hands go up. They're like well, coach, what if this happens? And it's like there's a lot of gray area in softball where girls or athletes automatically start to second guess themselves, and so it's a horrible thing. But I think there is something there about the sport that we play too. That doesn't create the same opportunities to practice that decision-making skills at a faster pace.

Speaker 1: 23:26

I mean, this may not be a very good control group. You're connected to a lot of teams. I'm connected to a lot of teams. We have a lot of mental performance coaches. I think we could get this research study put together. That would be fascinating.

Speaker 1: 23:39

I know this is a side tangent, but I just recently started working with a basketball team. I started with the program. This high school hired me for all of their athletic department and I was a little bit nervous about working with basketball. But the thing I want to key in on is that decision-making, and that makes sense, because I have been appalled sitting in the stands watching a basketball game that I don't know a whole lot about and I'm learning a lot.

Speaker 1: 24:02

Right, and I think, when it comes back to, how do you get your athletes to play at an elite level if all we're focused on is the X's and O's? Sure, they know how to shoot a free throw. Sure, they know how to do a layup. They know when to foul, when not to foul, how many plays we have where you need to be, why you need to be there, but if that athlete doesn't have that foundation of who she is, how do you know? Yeah, I think it goes back to what are her strengths and what are her blind spots. How does that relate to her sport Coach? This is like we could. Oh my gosh. We need to end this podcast. We need to put together a workshop, because now I'm like, ok, how do we get this out in the more hands?

Speaker 2: 24:45

Exactly.

Speaker 1: 24:46

Tell me what does this look like for the teams that you've worked with? Ok, great, Sounds awesome. You have me convinced. More teams need to be doing the disc. More teams need to be doing personality tests. How do we carry that through our culture? How do we carry that through a season?

Speaker 2: 25:04

Yeah, I mean the self-awareness is key. I think that's the first part. And then when I work with teams, I have the ability to actually collaborate, like all the team collaborate all the team, all the team players together in their tests and what is the dominance of that particular team? And then what are some things that are areas where they will really struggle with throughout the season. As far as, like, when it comes to personality and most of them again, because a lot of them have lesser D, dominant athletes the biggest thing is usually avoidance of conflict or usually the inability to have a direct conversation when necessary out of fear of what people might think or feel. And so when I tell them this information now I got to give them tools to help them work through that right. So we do a couple of different exercises to kind of help them work that process that they can do throughout the year. But I think also it's like if a team hires me, it's not a one-time thing for me, like I'm not a I started off.

Speaker 2: 26:07

I would say I started off as a motivational speaker, but I would say like when I started this process I went down the path of motivational speaking, but really like Coach Amanda, when we first got on this call, asked me hey, like you got to pump me up a little bit, you know, fatigued and tired from her lunch.

Speaker 2: 26:22

And I'm like, well, coach, I'm not that person, like I'm not a motivational person like that, like I don't have the raw rawness in me. So for me, like to work with the team once, it's cool, but like I'm about changing behaviors and attitudes, which takes time, takes eight to build a muscle, and so I have to be able to work with you over time. So, coaches, I can give you the tools you need, but most of you don't want to do it and most of you don't make the time for it. So it's an opportunity to say, hey, like, jump on a call with Coach Carter for 45 minutes, an hour, whatever, and she'll take you through it and I will make sure that your athletes learn how to communicate and lead together. Until you're ready to take on that responsibility, or put somebody in your coaching staff, that is right, but don't not do it because you don't feel like you want to or don't have the time. Just let me come in and do it for you, yeah.

Speaker 1: 27:13

Well, and we value you, what you make time for you value. And so yeah, going back to the X's and O's, we agonize over our practice plans. Well, let's, let's carve out some time for this. I can't believe I haven't asked this. I don't know what is your, what is your disc profile?

Speaker 2: 27:31

I am a C and a D, really heavy, high C and then pretty high D as well, yeah, yeah, that makes it sometimes interesting. There was a time of my period where it fluctuated to a C and a S, so very passive but, and I think, like I'm definitely a big introvert, like I said, I don't have the raw on this but my purpose, I feel like, has required me to step into a sort of spotlight or limelight or whatever, and so sometimes, like I have to put on something in order to like let my purpose show Right, and so that's where I think I fluctuate between those kind of those three areas. For the most part, I have no, I know so, inter engaging connector, that that part right there is like the very low.

Speaker 1: 28:22

So, yeah, I feel like I would score high on that. I'm very curious to retake it because I don't remember what my my scenarios were, but yeah, I just. I think it's so empowering because when you know, you know and the thing I wanted to add previously when we were talking about it was OK, great. So now we've got this, we know our current players. You could even use this as a competitive advantage when you're recruiting 100%.

Speaker 2: 28:51

That's another area where it's like you absolutely should. But I do think just as much as and this is why I kind of move into working with coaches is because I do think what's important is you know who you are as a coach and sort of where your coaching style sort of dries from, and it's not just for your personality. Some of it comes from your past experiences, right of who coached you, and a lot of times we don't have formal education around what like the people skills of being an ad coach. It's more of the. You know the X's and O's, like you said, and so I think what's important with the recruiting process is actually knowing who you are, what more of your personality is, what your strengths, blind spots and primary emotions are, so that that way you start to find athletes that maybe fit into your sort of coaching style. We don't ever want you to have to dim your light so much that you're trying to be something you're not, because we don't want our athletes to do the same. We also don't want you to do that either, but we want you to find the people that fit you, and, if it's okay, I'd like to share a story about that. Actually, that's what we're here for. I love it.

Speaker 2: 29:58

So my I coached high school. I coached 10 U softball, high school middle school basketball, and then I got my first opportunity to coach at college in 2015 at Menlo College, and I was coaching under Matt Lyle, who now is at Oregon State, and so that was my first college coaching experience. And then, after one year, we did an amazing job. That year broke a lot of records for hitting all the things, and then, you know, it just didn't work out for him and his family and things like that. So he he resigned, and so I moved from Albuquerque, new Mexico, back to California to be his assistant, to only then realize after one year I got to figure out what I'm going to do next, and so, as I was in the interim, I was coaching a travel team, and the guy at the travel team was the head coach at Notre Dame, dana Muir, which is division two school, and he had just resigned, and so he actually recommended me to that position, and this is so that I got the job. And this is my only my second year coaching college, and I'm I'm like what do I know about being a head coach at a division two school after one year coaching college, right, and you know the imposter comes in, but also that it's like you know well how do I lead this team.

Speaker 2: 31:16

And so then I pulled from my previous coaching experience or my previous coaches, and so my examples were in high school I went to a private Christian high school coach and I love him. He just passed away a couple of a couple of years ago last year but he was a cusser, he kicked chairs, he threw clipboards and I would again a Christian school. So I had that example of a coach. And then I also had another example of a coach where after one year in college we got a new coach and he, for my first coach to him, was really big on discipline and structure. So we were picking the weeds with our hands and dragging the field with our hands and painting and doing all the things. So really hardcore responsibility and I liked it actually. But a lot of my teammates did it, and that goes back to me being, you know, a task and an improvement person. So I'm like, okay, like, these are my examples. Here is how I will now show up for my team. Now, needless to say, that probably did. It did not go that well, and so, you know, that sort of kind of got me in a situation where I'm like, okay, I do recognize that structure and I do recognize that standards are important, so how do I create that atmosphere and then, and then, you know, build the team that I want.

Speaker 2: 32:31

So after my first year, I kind of came with a different approach my second year, but I still was having some struggles because we still had some athletes that I think still have PTSD from their previous coach and then me, right. And so I worked this camp and I saw this lady, this white lady, and she was, you know, very stern on the field at the camp and coaching these little high school kids and just like all on them. And I was like, okay, well, she's won a lot of championships. I want to like pick her brain. So I spent about an hour with her and I'm like, hey, I'm really struggling at this place and I really want to be a good coach, I really want to do well, like what advice could you give me? And she was like, okay, so she's started observing me and as she observed me, she goes.

Speaker 2: 33:14

You know, ashley, I like watch you.

Speaker 2: 33:16

I actually think you're a really good coach. I like how you demand presence but, like in a positive way, a lot of the kids really relate to you. In fact, at the end of the camp I noticed that your line is bigger than most lines there, which means that they respond. They respond to you very well and they like what you do and how you bring it to the table. So I think that it's just right now.

Speaker 2: 33:36

The athletes that are in your program don't actually fit who you are, and so I would recommend to you to start to recruit the athletes that fit who you are Right now. If I had not gone through all of that, I would never have known that, and that's why it's so important for these coaches to get some sort of, I think, personal development as well, because it does translate into your professional and your personal life, and I really it helps your marriage to like you know, like in your relationship to people. But really that's why I think it can be really great for recruiting, but only if you do your part as a coach to make sure that you know who you are and what type of coaching style you bring to the table as well, and also like, when you, when your athletes leave your program, what do you want them to leave feeling or having experience under your leadership?

Speaker 1: 34:22

Oh, fire me up so good, can we go back and reduce some of our coaching experiences because we're living parallel lives? I mean, I feel that deeply in my soul, can we please go back?

Speaker 1: 34:37

But had you not, you would have never have understood that, and I think that's the beauty of thank you for being authentic and vulnerable and sharing that, because I think, again, we kind of forecasted that at the beginning of this episode of we're going to peel back the curtain and we're going to show our you know times that that led us to where we are, which includes the highs and the lows. So exactly, ah, okay, I want to be mindful of your time, but I have to ask you the question that we asked all of our podcast guests. You are a time traveler. It's our time traveler question. You can go back in time and give yourself, your past self, one message. What are you telling yourself?

Speaker 2: 35:17

Oh, I think the biggest thing I would tell myself is you are one out of eight billion people in the world. Get to know exactly who you are, how you tick, what your strengths are, what your blind spots are, what your primary emotions are, so that that way, you can show up to the world in your completeness, being open, honest and authentic, so that they also feel comfortable doing the same thing.

Speaker 1: 35:43

I love that Quote it. Put a bow on it. Thank you so much for your expertise and your time. Tell us you know, for the fearless family thing and anyone that wants to follow you where are you most active on socials and give us, give us those deeds.

Speaker 2: 35:59

Yeah, you know business is hard. I would say Instagram. You can find me. I want TikTok. Sometimes I'm on, you know all the things, twitter, but I gotta find my TikTok login. I'm like well, this week I'm on, but anyway, I would say you can find me Instagram, coach Ashley Carter, also my website, wwwcoachashleycardercom. Those are two areas where I'm pretty active and, honestly, all my handles are coach Ashley Carter, so you'll find me on any of the ones that you're on, hopefully, so yeah, except for the tiki talks.

Speaker 2: 36:36

I'm not doing any dances Not doing any dances.

Speaker 1: 36:38

Hey, back in the day when I was doing pitching lessons during the pandemic, there's a video out there of Flip the Switch.

Speaker 2: 36:45

I did do that one.

Speaker 1: 36:46

Flip, flip, so good. Thank you for your time today. I'll see you on our next fall hanging out so good. In the meantime, keep pushing it. Thank you, thank you.