031: Lies My Anxiety Has Told Me with Brittany Richmond

Our episode this week features Brittany Richmond, a teen mental health speaker who has dealt with her own personal anxiety for years. In our conversation we talk about what anxiety is like for those suffering, as well as how to learn to cope with it. Her perspective and insights will benefit parents as well as athletes as we all try to improve our mental health.

Episode Highlights:

• How to manage anxiety
• The difference between mental toughness and mental health
• How to manage the effects of technology on teenagers
• The importance of articulating our needs 

Connect with Brittany
Instagram: @thebrittanyrichmond
Book: Lies My Anxiety Has Told Me

More ways to work with Fearless Fastpitch

• Learn about our proven Mental Skills Program, The Fearless Warrior Program
• Book a One on One Session for your Athlete
• Book a Mental Skills Workshop for your Team or Organization

Follow us on Social Media

• Facebook @fearlessfastpitchmentaltraining
• Instagram @fearlessfastpitch
• Twitter @CoachAB_

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:01

Welcome to the Fearless Warrior podcast, a place for athletes, coaches and parents who know the value of a strong mindset. I'm your host, coach AB, a mental performance coach on a mission, former softball coach, wife and mom of three. Each episode we will dive deep into all things mental performance, mindset tools and how to rewire the brain for success. So if your goal is to gain the mental edge and learn the secrets of mental performance, you're in the right place. Let's tune in to today's episode.

Speaker 1: 0:37

Brittany Richmond is a mental health expert and speaker. She has served thousands of students all over the country with her message Become an Overcomer. Right after high school, brittany was diagnosed with multiple anxiety disorders, which led her into the field of counseling and psychology. From there, she has made it her mission to not only end the stigma but hug as many young people hurting. I love that. She is incredible at creating space for others and overcoming negative self-talk. She is real, raw and relatable, while framing things in a way that teenagers can connect to. While Brittany does love speaking and inspiring students, she loves her husband and cats. Even more she loves rocking out to her 80s hair bands and working out on her Peloton. You might also find her at a St Louis Cardinals game, drinking coffee at a local coffee shop or binge watching Christmas movies or Gilmore Girls on her couch. But today, today, she is here. Live with me on the Fearless Warrior podcast to shine some light on all things anxiety, mental health and mental performance.

Speaker 2: 1:42

Brittany welcome to the pod. Wow, super excited to be here. I feel so awkward. So I guess the audience should know the people listening. Like when people talk about me, like while I'm listening, like that, like especially before I go on stage, you know they always introduce you Like I am like cringing in the green room or like behind the stage, I'm like ugh, like we don't need to talk about this. Like I just feel so awkward when people talk about me. But I'm so happy to be here. This is great.

Speaker 1: 2:08

I'm just as humbled to be in your presence. I know you and I have connected so many times on. We've got some things brewing behind the scenes, but we can't unveil all of our secrets but for the Fearless Fam listening. Just give us, you know, a look into your life. The past 24 hours has been a little crazy for you. You get to fly all over the country speaking, which seems glamorous at times. Give us a behind the scenes.

Speaker 2: 2:31

Well, oh, my goodness, so I. So one of the things that causes me a lot of anxiety is when my schedule gets thrown off or I get really. I do it to myself, though. Okay, ownership and accountability is a big thing for me when it comes to overcoming and managing anxiety. So I know this about myself, right, so it's an active conversation that I actively work on internally all the time, but it doesn't mean it's a perfect process, right. So I preface that like.

Speaker 2: 2:57

I think oftentimes people are like oh, you have the solutions to overcoming and managing anxiety, but you still struggle. And I'm like that's because I'm a human being, you know like and this is a constant, it's a muscle, right, we constantly have to work at it and and, but it's so much better now. But the I get really latched on to ideas and things of like when I'm traveling, when I go home, like. If I have an idea of when I go home, traveling is less anxiety written for me. Like, I like to know predictability and reliability. So when things get thrown off, like flights get delayed, typically that doesn't bother me. What bothers me is when I just can't get home, right, so I just got back off the road for four from four days I was in New Mexico. I'm in Illinois, so people have an idea of like the geography but going to New Mexico I was supposed to be there at like 8pm their time. I ended up getting it at 2.30am their time. That whole travel day extended to like 14 hours, so that started the trip off kind of rough, okay. And then there were some other factors going on in my personal life Nothing too crazy, but just things that were out of the norm, right. So the trip itself was good, but there were other factors that were like really pushing me, like when it was time to go home. It was time to go home, right, like I just needed to be at home.

Speaker 2: 4:13

Well, my travel home, which was yesterday I was supposed to be home at like 9 pm my time and it was almost 3 am my time when I got home and just the culmination of the four days it just was this anxiety attack, that kind of built up, and on the plane ride home it just was like this steady stream of just tears coming down my face. You know I got physically sick in the bathroom and it was just a buildup, right, it doesn't mean in the moment I'm in this panicked state or like I feel unsafe. That's not the anxiety. The anxiety is more like this entire week has been thrown off in so many ways. Now, focusing on the things I could control was absolutely imperative, but it still doesn't mean that those days aren't a struggle. So I feel so much.

Speaker 2: 4:58

It's amazing, when you get to things that help you cope and things that help you feel safe and secure, how much relief you almost feel instantaneously. So when I got home and with my husband, I was just like I feel so much better and like right now I'm a totally different person than I was 12 hours ago. You know, but that's the way. So I say all that. To say how you experience anxiety or how other people experience anxiety is totally different than how I do sometimes. Ergo, how we cope with it's gonna be differently. So when I work with teenagers specifically, I'm all about the customizable solutions, but also leaning into the fact that you know this is not a perfect process, but it is a process, right, so it has to be worked on all the time. So, wow, I rambled, so I'm so sorry.

Speaker 1: 5:42

I love that so much. We're just diving right in, so let's hit on that. That was actually one of my questions is you know, one of the things that we talk about with our athletes inside the Fearless Warrior program is we're giving them 12 mental skills, but we don't expect you to A remember them, b try to use all of them at the same time. They're probably gonna find one to two skills that they latch onto, that they're gonna remember to use and that are gonna provide a sense of stability, comfort, all the things that you described. How does that relate on? You know the coping mechanisms and how you're coaching your athletes and not? You work with more than just athletes, but can you dive deeper into that?

Speaker 2: 6:23

Yeah, so there's a lot of different ways to overcome and manage anxiety. First of all, I wanna preface this with anxiety is totally normal. I like to let people know that Now there is a threshold where it becomes an issue, right, and that's up for these. Anybody to discuss with a mental health professional Like. I'm a former counselor, but I'm not here in the capacity of a counselor, I'm not on stage in the capacity of a counselor and I make it very clear that anxiety in and of itself is normal. It's a normal emotion. Depression is a normal emotion. It's when we live there right, when we can't get out of those states, that we start to see like struggles happening, right. It starts to interfere with their life and it starts to interfere with their ability to function of what I consider a happy, healthy human right, like suffering from it versus living with it, right. So I just wanna preface it with that. So what was the question?

Speaker 1: 7:18

Talk about the different. I mean as far as, like, everybody's different. Your coping mechanisms are gonna be different, and when you're on stage and you're inspiring others, what do you want them to take away from it?

Speaker 2: 7:29

Got it. So, yes, there's a lot of different ways to cope with anxiety and mental or emotional health struggles in general, because we all experience it differently. Ergo, I believe how we deal like if one more person tells me to deep breathe or do meditation, I might lose my mind Like I get it that that works for some people and it's really great. But, like for me, one thing I love is water. Water is very grounding for me. So there are days where I will take multiple baths a day and I had to buy a house with a pool. You know there were certain things that I needed because I know that water is extremely grounding for me. So for a lot of different ways, it helps me calm. It's my form of meditation. Friends, like you have you form, I have my form. So, but how do we identify those things? But there's a lot of different layers to that and there's a couple of different things I talk about with young people, but specifically, talking is the most underrated, easiest, simplest. Let's use the word simple, because easy kind of implies that it's easy, right, but simple it's simple, it may not be easy. So it's such a simple solution that I feel like we don't do enough of and it's something that we all can work on and it is something that everybody can do and it is still customizable is how we approach it right.

Speaker 2: 8:51

But it's not just about talking. It's also about active listening. So not only creating space, but holding space for other people. So I like to work with having how do you have those non-intrusive conversations, how do you open that door? But it's not just about talking to other people, it's about the conversation we have with ourselves too. So it's just talking all around.

Speaker 2: 9:10

So overcoming negative self-talk, like asking yourself like why do I so freely, like, why can I not like so freely, give myself the love that I show other people Like, especially as an athlete? This is I mean, I was an athlete too. That was awesome. Like you're amazing, like let's go. But if someone tells me that I'm like I could have done better, like you just have this, like mindset of like, why can't I just say to myself nice slay, totally killing it today? You know, why can't we say those things even out loud to ourselves? Even if we do, we don't do it enough, right? So how to create space for other people, how to hold space, but also relieve that weight off ourselves, because the more we talk about what we struggle with, the less power it has over us. So I really like to hammer that home, especially with young people in general.

Speaker 2: 10:03

The thing that I feel, athletes and I can speak to this because I was one is you know, we really we have talk coming out of small, different angles, right, not just our coaches, but the sports industry, our parents, you know our teammates, and internally also, we have high expectations for ourselves as performers. It's a we're performing for ourselves and for other people to win. We were, we're searching for an outcome. So I think that that talk gets very like circled in our heads and it's like a constant loop. So it's like how can we reframe it so it benefits us and it's not hurting us? So really asking ourselves all the time like, like, is this helping or hurting, you know, and having those conversations internally but also externally. So again, with the rambling, so sorry.

Speaker 1: 10:51

But I love this conversation because I think it's a conversation that so many people don't have because, well, for a couple of reasons, obviously, the stigma. But even if they understand, I would love to break down this stigma. If you're a parent, we have a lot of parents that listen to this podcast we have a lot of coaches. So if you're a parent or a coach and you're nodding your head like yes, brittany, yes Brittany, but maybe you have this question of, but I don't know how to talk about it or you know, like I'm a mental performance coach and sometimes I'm really bad at holding space because my title is a coach and so I immediately get into coach mode, right, fix mode. So how does a parent or a coach hold space, gosh.

Speaker 2: 11:32

I think the first thing I need to say is everyone needs to give themselves grace. Okay, I think we all get into our heads to have like I'm not doing enough, or I'm not doing good enough, or, and also understanding, because I coached also. Everybody is different. So how you coach is you know, it's gonna resonate with an athlete differently than it will another athlete, just like when you parent some. You have different personalities in your children, like how you approach certain things is gonna look a little different. Does that mean that I feel like you need to cater everything to the individual? Not necessarily because I think that that can get very difficult, right, and but I think that caring more about who they are than what they do on the field or on the court or for you as an athlete, you know, caring more about the person than the athlete is going to take so many steps forward in not only how they perform for themselves, but how they perform for you. And what I mean by that is, I think, having conversations.

Speaker 2: 12:29

I used to make a point when they would could I coach volleyball. They would come in and the first thing I would ask is how was your day? How are your relationships? How is your boyfriend doing? Are you guys doing anything fun this weekend? I know, like some coaches don't always agree with that because they're like when you step into the gym or on the field, like your mindset is all about the sport. Absolutely, I think that there is, but I think there is an opportunity to build a connection and a relationship and that's going to look different from each athlete, but even the thing with young people friends is they want connections so badly. They don't know how to have it because their connections right now are very digital and technical, but they just adapt to the world that we created for them, right? So everything is very social media, very Snapchat, very all the things. So when you can create an opportunity to care and hold space, it transforms you as a coach also and as a parent and as an athlete, because you do build these relationships and you start seeing them for a person and not just an athlete, for what they do.

Speaker 2: 13:27

So as a coach, that was always my big thing when I would speak to parents is I care more about your daughter as a human being than what they do on my court. So I would do little things like we wouldn't do practice on Saturdays, because I really wanted them to show up 100% Monday through Friday. And then I'm like you get two days off to dive into your relationships, to pour into yourself, to disconnect from this sport because you have a life outside of here. So do I and I think, teaching them things like that, because as we grow into adults, what happens? We have so many responsibilities and so many things that weigh us down that we put ourselves aside.

Speaker 2: 14:04

I wanted to show that the power of and is real. You can be a dedicated athlete, you can be a dedicated this, this, this, this, whatever it is for you, and still do this. It wasn't a but right, I didn't want these kids walking in and being like, oh, I can't do that because I have volleyball, I can't go to this festival with my friends on Saturday because we have practice. I wanted to be like this is who you are, lean into that and when you're here, lean into this right, start to create, be like you know, compartmentalize and start to build that skill as well, because I wanted them to be happy and healthy mentally and emotionally. So they showed up and performed well when they were on the floor, because I do believe those skills translate all the way around Again with the rambling. I'm so sorry.

Speaker 1: 14:51

But as a coach, I think you come up with some really good tactile ways of what are you doing five to 10 minutes before practice, right, and I think the digital you hit you hit on something really big. Christina actually talked about this in last week's podcast If you haven't listened to that, please listen to that one but she actually opened my eyes to something that was like, oh my gosh, I have been out of coaching for three years now and I missed it dearly. But one of the things that she said is this generation doesn't know the phone etiquette of putting the phone away. So you think about when we played sports, you know we had T nine. They have no idea what T nine is. Oh my gosh, flip phones right, bring back the T nine. But if you think about it, we weren't on our phones before practice. We were just hanging out playing hacky stack. I think yo-yos were big at one point, and so I think there's a great point.

Speaker 1: 15:47

There is that, as a coach, can you create bubbles, or parents, can you create bubbles where the technology is away, and you, as a coach, are also following that right. Are you on your phone as a coach and fostering this Because an athlete, especially when they're in the court, when they're in the chalk lines. They're not going to tell you about their struggles, because that's the mindset is we're here to work, we're here to play volleyball, we're here to play softball, and so how else are you going to discover that this athlete is really struggling with school or with relationships? How else are you going to know that, unless you find those? Well, it's essentially holding space. Yeah, you're holding space.

Speaker 2: 16:30

Yeah, and I think there's a balance there too and we talked about this before we got on here is the difference between mental health and mental toughness.

Speaker 2: 16:39

And I think also like just remembering who we were when I first started. I coached for 16 years, so it was a very long time, and who I was as a coach at the beginning was totally different than who I was at the end. Right, because when I first started I coached like I wanted to be coached as a player. Right, I was like this is what worked for me, so that's how I'm going to show up for and coach for them. You know very quickly you learn differently, as like you grow through, as like your coaching, you know evolution. But I respond really well to military style coaching. Like just in general, I'm very much like get in my face, yell at me, I will perform well. That which is weird, knowing like how much anxiety, that that doesn't cause me anxiety. I respond well to that. I mean, shout out to Jake Thompson on this and you know Jake too, like I, he was so on me to write my book, like I mean he just would not stop and but truly that was so helpful. I just respond well to. I guess you would say dominant energy that way, right, so I'm not the type of person that would do well with a coach, is kind of passive, but some people respond really well to that. Okay, so I say all that to say that who I was as a coach and like, evolved with with the way the world is now.

Speaker 2: 17:53

But there is a difference between mental health and mental toughness. So Victoria Garrett Brown, she's the the founder of the Hidden Opponent. She's an amazing advocate for athletes and mental health. She has a great way of framing it, so I'm going to quote her because it's very simple. And she said if you ask me today, how are you, and if you instantly feel like you're going to break down or cry, that's probably mental health. But if someone asks you, how are you doing today and you're like, oh, I'm just tired, like I don't really want to go, well, you're going to go. You know that's mental toughness, that's mental like performance, it's like you got to power. Through that. I think we can get muddy on saying you know that power through that, push through that, that hustle culture that we've created just in the sports world in general. Because again, I feel like that's how I responded I like to push through, I like to, but how are we teaching these athletes to be resilient and to have tenacity?

Speaker 2: 18:50

There's a balance there and there's a couple of different things that I implemented, like when I was coaching, by just observing and wanting to create space for these athletes. When it was mental health, I would. I would expect them to show up and perform, but I also gave them the option to take an emotional lap. That's what I called it and I said you don't have to tell me I don't want to talk about it in this moment because I'm in coach mode and you're in athlete mode. But if you need to get out and just walk an emotional lap to cry it out or to let it out or to reframe your mindset and then get back to it, totally fine with that, no questions asked. For me I call it an emotional lap and I think that that's really important is and that was me holding space for them in the moment without getting out of the mindset, right. So it's just also them as well.

Speaker 2: 19:35

So there's a lot of different things that people in general can implement, but again, that just bleeds into. I cared more about who they were than what they did on the floor, because if their mental health is struggling, then they're going to struggle on the floor and it's going to show and I think that just keeping an eye out for those things. But again, every, every athlete, every teenager, every person is different with how they experience anxiety. That's why I really liked starting with caring more about who they were, because then when I got to know them, I got to know their personalities, things that make them tick, things that you know, and just kind of understanding who they were and that changed the game and the connections we had. They played harder, they, they were excited to be there. I mean, there's just so many benefits to going a little extra effort on, you know, creating space for them.

Speaker 2: 20:26

So how to create space for them since I'm on this, when, when girls, you know, I worked with all and all women's volleyball team, so something I talk about in my keynotes so the question you asked was how do we hold space? How do we create space? Three simple words. I learned it.

Speaker 2: 20:44

Curious questions are a therapeutic technique. Curious questions open doors, and so when girls would come in, I'd be like how was your day? In the classic response and I'm guilty of it too. We all are right. I'm fine, things are fine, I'm fine, how are you? You know it's like you when you ask people how they are, it's it's a it's a closed door conversation. You've allowed them to shut the door and we've accepted I'm fine as an answer. I'm great, how are you? Okay, great.

Speaker 2: 21:09

But when people say I'm fine, or you know you try to open the doors. I would always follow it up with just three words Tell me more, tell me more, tell me more about your day. And they would just. And it opens a door. It gets them thinking a little bit deeper too. And what's interesting is when I have brought Tell Me More into like my keynotes and things, I have had adults in the audience email me weeks after and be like I started doing this with my husband or I started doing this with my kids, and it's just been a game changer. You know you walk in from the day it's like how's work? Oh good, and then we just kind of were done right, we move on, we close the door.

Speaker 2: 21:48

Right. But when we tell me more doesn't also allow them to share. It trains us to actively listen, because we're not offering advice, we're not doing anything except repeating. Now it's not just once, it's be like tell me more. Oh, you know, I had a test today and it went okay. Tell me more Well, there was a question I really got hung up on. And tell me more. I mean you just keep repeating. It trains you to actively listen, which holds space, which makes people feel important and safe to share, and it gives them the opportunity to dive deeper and then you can kind of uncover maybe what's really going on or, you know, get them to release that weight off of themselves, right? So yeah.

Speaker 2: 22:32

I rambled a lot.

Speaker 1: 22:33

I already know that we're going to be getting DMs and comments in our Facebook, in our Instagram messages of parents that we really do have a community that is hungry for this stuff, and so I can already tell the parents that are active listeners like they will do this and it's going to get great results While we're sharing one of the things that I used to do in my short tenure as a coach I made a lot of mistakes, but one thing that we implemented we called them PCI's actually picked this up. I wish I remember the coach's name is a coach out of Wisconsin. She called it something else, but we changed it to PCI, which stands for personal check-in, and so instead of a coach saying, hey, brittany, I need to talk, what do all of your teammates assume? Oh, coach, is going to talk to Brittany about playing time or whatever. But if I said, hey, brittany, can I have a quick PCI and I let's say, I just pull you into the chalk shed, or I pull you into the outfield, or we're outside the cages, a PCI could be something as simple as what you just said of hey, I noticed you're a little off today. Your energy seems a little low. Tell me more what's going on. I just wanted a PCI, and so the point of the PCI is that you could talk about anything, good or bad, but it takes away the stigma of come see me in my office, right yeah. And it removes the stigma for the athlete. It removes the embarrassment for teammates, parents.

Speaker 1: 23:59

You could implement this, but really in the coaching space, the idea is feeding off of your other conversation. For the coaches that are like we don't have time for this, or when I'm a coach, I'm coaching. If your athlete gets dumped that day or they fail a test and they're giving you 50% at practice and you don't know that and you push them and push them and push them, who are they going to be resentful towards the situation that happened? Or you as the coach, because you weren't aware? Wouldn't you much rather be empowered to know about your athlete as a human and say, okay, I'm not going to pick on Brittany today because I know she got dumped or whatever? That situation is Right, teens don't live in a bubble, right yeah.

Speaker 2: 24:46

I know, and I think that in speaking of that coach, I love my husband to death. He's been coaching for baseball for oh my gosh, and he played in college and all the things. But again, how, how we were coached, and I think, like life is just different. It has evolved. It is much faster paced. Social media is not the only variable. I think we've put a lot of stock in saying that's the problem. But there's a lot of problems, right, and I think it's going to be a louder problem. That is that we just see here. But I think, like he's very much that coach. That's like I don't, I don't need to know the information. Can they perform or not? Right, Like.

Speaker 2: 25:24

But what's interesting is I have pointed out to him that, even though he thinks he's still coaches that way, he knows an awful lot about his voice. You know what I mean. And I'm like just because, because he always used to say you know way more about your athletes than I do, than I care to know, right, but we're just different how we dive in, right, and I'm like ooh, tell me more about all the things, right, but I think, like, I'm like, but he'll come home because he has baseball. Literally right now is baseball season and I'll be like, how was practice? And he'd be like, oh, let me tell you what this, the, the, what's going on with these boys? And I'm like, oh, interesting, you know what I mean? Interesting, interesting, so you may go about it differently, but I'm like you obviously care about these boys. He's like, well, yeah, I care, I'm like stop, like stop, so it's super fun.

Speaker 1: 26:11

I love it. I love that you mentioned your husband. I know I know a little bit more about you than than probably our listeners, as I've gotten to know you and I. I see your social media as well. I would love to kind of dive into your story a little bit. And then we have to talk about the book. We have to have to. What are some of the things that you find that your husband supports you with? Obviously, you have a larger support system than just your husband, but what are some of the things that your husband does and says that is really helpful when managing your anxiety?

Speaker 2: 26:44

Well, I, oh gosh, this is such a two-way road and if parents or athletes or anybody is listening, I think grace has to be given on all sides. I think when we're in the throes of things, especially when we're young, we just and I talk about this with young people too is like I'm just going to dive in. We can't expect other people to know how we feel if we don't open our mouth. That's one reason why I really try to get them to learn to start talking about how they feel, right Cause I think we go through, even even as adults. We're like, you know, we do the classic I'm fine, but we're not. We just expect people to know that we're not fine, you know, but it's like, how will they know if we don't tell them? So I like to point that out.

Speaker 2: 27:28

But also, too, something I tell young people and for anybody listening this is so, so important and it was such a huge, huge thing for me and overcoming and managing anxiety is people do not have to understand how I feel in order to help me, and I think we, we so desperately. It was a lot of different things in life. I want you to understand. We don't need them to for the record. I don't want my husband to understand how I feel. It's not good, right, you know? Like why would I want him to know he doesn't need to know in order to support or help me? So I think we need to let go of that expectation and not put that burden on other people. We don't need them to know. So how it really communicating our needs, taking ownership over your mental and emotional health, is so critical, and what I mean by that is my anxiety is nobody else's problem, but my own, and I don't say that to be harsh, I say it to be. There's so much freedom in knowing that I'm in control versus expecting somebody else to change the way they do things to make me feel more comfortable. So I, you, have more control than you realize, and that's one thing I really inspire. I really want to inspire young people to understand is anxiety and mental health, struggles, depression. It really seeks to isolate you, so it tells you you're not in control, and then we start to blame other things and other people. But once we own it, we can start to identify what our triggers are, ergo how we cope with it, and then we can start to communicate what our needs are and advocate for ourselves.

Speaker 2: 29:04

Last night, my husband had to drive two and a half hours to pick me up from a flight that was supposed to land 30 minutes from me. That was one of the things I really struggled with. I felt so bad for that. But even when we got in the car and I had calmed down and I started to feel better, he's like he will tell me. I don't understand why this is causing you so much anxiety. But talk to me, right, tell me so I can understand, or try to understand, so I can better help you. And I just literally said to him you came and picked me up. You have no idea what that did Like you have no idea what that did for me. I feel so much better.

Speaker 2: 29:37

But even communicating those sorts of things and letting people know it's just all about talking Like there's. It's so underrated, it's so simple to do. We just need to have the tools to do it. But I know why we don't, right, we don't want to be judged. We don't want to burden people with our problems. Nobody will understand. So what's the point? Right, we have to really run away from that impulse of feeling judged, because we want to talk about our mental health. We so desperately want to end the stigma, but people aren't talking about it as much as we think they are. So if we can create space and hold space and realize that we're all there, it's like physical health, it's like being an athlete, it's like getting better at a sport.

Speaker 2: 30:17

You have to do the things to get better, you have to take action, and one of the simplest ways to take action is to start talking and giving grace. Now I will say this if you do start talking and the outcome isn't what you wanted, right, please don't stop. Like it's. It's not. It's like it's like lifting weights in the gym. You're going to go in one day. You're not going to come out jacked or extra strong, right, but you keep going back.

Speaker 2: 30:42

If you talk to someone and you're like well, that's not the outcome, I want to keep talking, keep going, cause this is about you, not necessarily about them, right? So, like, how can we constantly grow that part of ourselves? So, really, the key takeaway is lean into, lean into those conversations, give yourself grace. Give other people grace in this process, because they don't know what it's like To be in your head or deal with what you deal with. But once you start to take ownership and understand these feelings and we can better communicate that, versus saying I don't know how I feel, I don't know. You know we get very in that moment, but it's like sit with it, move through it and then just start to learn to communicate those feelings other people I rambled again.

Speaker 1: 31:27

I love it. I love it so much, but you also. I also want to point on something that you kind of explained is a lot of my younger clients that we see Don't know how to articulate their feelings right, and so it is a practice, it is something that you'll get better at of identifying the emotions. There's actually no such thing as a good or bad emotion. It's just your check-in light, your check engine light, and, if you can just start to describe it to somebody, I think a lot of my younger parents who have 10, 11, 12 year olds. They're there on the fearless warrior calls supporting their athletes, and we're building this new language of I Don't know what I'm feeling, but it feels like it won't go away. Or I'm, what are you mad about or what are you upset about, and just Opening up those curious questions is gonna help them identify. Oh, that's anger or oh, that's frustration. Oh well, you're frustrated because you struck out. I'm gonna mirror that for you. I would feel the same way.

Speaker 2: 32:25

There's. That's so interesting. You said that, so let's, let's play that scenario out. I'm frustrated because I struck out. I'd be like tell me more, because I wonder if it's really the fact that they struck out. It might be, it might be something deeper than that, right? So that's what I mean by tell me more. I want to uncover what I guess I would call the target trigger, the target behavior, because oftentimes I hear from Pete, like teenagers in general, let alone athletes, we have high expectations, we have a fear of failure, that is. But everybody's fear of failure is gonna be linked to something different, right? So what? What is it for that person? That is what I would start to identify.

Speaker 2: 33:09

And here's one thing for young people and again this is a therapeutic technique, so take it as you will when they don't know how to Identify how they're feeling, have them draw it out, paint it in pictures. Oftentimes I'll tell people, you know what it feels like? It feels like all these, this energy is traveling up my limbs, sitting behind my chest and like there's someone clawing from the inside out. That is a visual that people can kind of put together in their head and they're like, oh, that, and they can feel it, right. They're like oh, that's what you feel like, wow, let's identify this and figure out.

Speaker 2: 33:40

You know what I mean. So I'm describe it to you in pictures, you know, and then really dive into the tell me more. It's such a powerful three, three words that just keep like, just keep opening doors, and it's just. And sometimes you'll get to the point where you're like I don't know. I don't know anymore than this, right, but it gets them thinking. Though, when they walk away from you and they're like I don't know, they're walking away and they're like, they're thinking about it, right, which I think is really important.

Speaker 1: 34:09

So so you keep talking about opening doors, but I think there's a lot behind closed doors and and we're gonna kind of shift the last part of this into your book lies my anxiety has told me. Can you give us behind the doors? What are some of the lies that your anxiety has told you?

Speaker 2: 34:26

Oh my gosh, I think everyone can relate to. There's so many, right, there's so many, but I think the the five key ones that I talked about are ones I hear all the time right, I'm a failure, I'm not good enough, nobody loves me, nobody understands me, what's the point of this? You know just all of it, and then I share personal experiences all the way from kindergarten to Today, you know, and just painting the pictures of these, and then how you know, creating those connections with my readers and Letting them know they're not alone in that. But also like how, how do we start creating space? How do we hold space? How do we control what we can control? Control the controllables, right. But and I actually walk them through how to start identifying that with there's, you know, with what's causing you anxiety, what can you control, what can you not control, and what you can control, your action items. And when we take action there, we're actually more in control than we realize. Ergo, less anxiety. I mean, there's just, there's so many simple Solutions, but they do take work and I think it's really important for people to know that there are still bad days, there are still bad moments, but we don't live there, we just move through them right and we what?

Speaker 2: 35:38

What I love about one of the things in the book is, you know, identifying athletes will really appreciate this routines and structure. You know it's when mental and emotional health struggles Happen, we, we can fall back on routine. We may not that day, but it will take over, you know. And so really identifying things that are healthy in service you know what I mean by that and I could talk about in the book is does it move me forward Physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually, financially? You know all the things does.

Speaker 2: 36:09

Is it help? Is it helping or is it hurting? That's really the question and there really is no gray area with that. It's not a well kind of but no, it's a yes or no if it. If it's not a yes, it's a no, you know. So Starting to identify those things and that's one of the things I really value and it's not just young people but adults can Can really benefit from that as well. Because, again, the older we get, the more responsibilities, the more stress, you know, when we take such little time for the things that that bring us joy, that make us feel Healthy and happy. But if we put more time and energy into those things, then it benefits all the other aspects of our life. So there's a lot of different layers, but there's just some key factors there that I think are really important.

Speaker 1: 36:53

So and if you can figure it out now in your Hello we've done our job right.

Speaker 2: 37:01

We've done our job.

Speaker 1: 37:02

Okay, last. So well, I lie. Two questions. The question that we ask all of our podcast guests I'll get to that in just a second but where can we find your book? It's actually out at the time of recording. We're doing a fast turnaround this week because on Wednesday this episode will air happy Wednesday. All we're gonna link Resources below so that we can go directly to your book. I'm assuming we can. We can have that link. Yes, it's.

Speaker 2: 37:29

Amazon. You can find on Amazon. It is a Bestseller, let's go. It's a pretty exciting. It was just for the pre, the pre launch and I was like, okay, but it's called lies. My anxiety has told me, going from suffering from to living with anxiety.

Speaker 1: 37:44

So I love it and we will link that below, and this is off the cuff, but I would love to purchase three of those and I would like to gift it to our listeners, and so we kind of like to Drop a little fun nuggets here and there in the podcast. And so if you're listening and you're a parent Even if your daughter doesn't struggle with anxiety, but you have found this episode to be really helpful, I am going to gift three of these books to you guys, and so all you have to do is DM us on Instagram and you're just gonna DM us with. You know, we'll say pod the word pod and then this episode is, I believe, episode 31. Or you could just say hey, we listened to the episode with Brittany Richmond. I would love an anxiety book. We don't even have to have a secret word. How about that?

Speaker 1: 38:32

Let's make it simple. Love it. Let's go super pumped. I know that there are gonna be so many, so many teens that are gonna benefit from your book and all the things that you do. So, last question you are a time traveler. You can go back in time and give your past self one message. What would you tell yourself?

Speaker 2: 38:52

That it's gonna be okay. It's gonna be okay. I think that that is that's really important, because when you're young you just can't See. You know past what you're going through. You just it's just so hard to I mean Comfort for all of you. Neurologically you can't anyway. That part of your brain isn't even developed till your early 20s. That helps you see big picture and reason and and you know consequences to your actions and things like that. So give yourself grace in that aspect doesn't mean that it can't be done, but yeah that it's gonna be okay. It's gonna be okay.

Speaker 1: 39:27

So I I love that. I knew that would be a great answer. Well, Brittany, where's the best place to follow you? How can we keep in touch? Where are you most active on socials?

Speaker 2: 39:35

Girl, it's all over Instagram. It's the Brittany Richmond. Not like it's anything special, but Brittany Richmond was taken, so it's the Brittany Richmond, so you can hang out with me there. That's where I like to be, so let's go.

Speaker 1: 39:46

Thank you so much for your time today. This has been nothing short of amazing. Thank you for having me.

Speaker 2: 39:52

It's been so great and I'm so excited to hear any of the the conversations that come from this. I would love to know them, so pass them along, so all the things.