035: How to Communicate Your Hopes, Goals, and Desires for Your Athlete with Nicole Erickson

Today on the podcast we are sharing a Parent Workshop with Nicole Erickson, a Certified Mental Performance Coach. In this workshop, she helps parents think about their goals and dreams for their daughters and how to best communicate with them. The skills learned in this workshop will help parents who are trying to be more intentional in the ways they support and communicate with their children.

Episode Highlights:

• Questions to ask yourself as a parent
• How to model failure recovery for your child
• How to communicate about goals with your athlete

Connect with Nicole:
Instagram: @coachnicole.e

More ways to work with Fearless Fastpitch

• Learn about our proven Mental Skills Program, The Fearless Warrior Program
• Book a One on One Session for your Athlete
• Book a Mental Skills Workshop for your Team or Organization

Follow us on Social Media

• Facebook @fearlessfastpitchmentaltraining
• Instagram @fearlessfastpitch
• Twitter @CoachAB_

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:01

Welcome to the fearless warrior podcast, a place for athletes, coaches and parents who know the value of a strong mindset. I'm your host, coach AB, a mental performance coach on a mission, former softball coach, wife and mom of three. Each episode we will dive deep into all things mental performance, mindset tools and how to rewire the brain for success. So if your goal is to gain the mental edge and learn the secrets of mental performance, you're in the right place. Let's tune in to today's episode, all right.

Speaker 1: 0:38

So this is the parent workshop with Nicole Erickson. She is a CMPC, which is a certified mental performance coach. I am so excited for her to talk to you guys today. It's all about how to communicate with your athlete, specifically goals, desires. How does that match up with your expectations? Because I think sometimes the pressure can become a lot in our sports, not just softball and so she comes from a multi-sport background as well and hails from Florida right now. So we're going to kick things off. We're going to spend about 30 minutes together tonight. At any point, if you guys have questions, I'll be watching the chat, but with that I will go on mute and take it away, Nicole.

Speaker 2: 1:19

Thank you. Well, I would just like to say thank you to everyone that has come and joined us tonight. Thank you, amanda, for having me on. I really appreciate just being here and I'm really excited for what I have planned tonight.

Speaker 2: 1:33

So, parent Guardian Workshop big thing is awareness. That's really what I'm going to be diving into today. Again, it's going to be more so a workshop. So, if you all, while we're getting started, if you all while we're getting started, if you have a sheet of paper, if you don't, if you want to go grab one now, because I'm going to have us writing down answers to questions and then we're going to reflect on those questions. So, again, very reflective, very much building an awareness around those hopes and desires and how that translate to the way that we communicate and model to our, our athletes, um, so I'll give you a minute to do that, okay? So, um, I always like to set the stage, to start.

Speaker 2: 2:18

So who am I as? Uh, well, my name is Nicole Erickson, right, and so I really like to give a background of who I am and who I was when I was younger and what led me to to this career, this calling that I am doing with my life right, and so I grew up in Florida. I was a basketball athlete and my dream, my passion, was to go play in college and was to play professionally, was to go play in college and was to play professionally. And I was someone that, growing up, my parents didn't have to tell me to go out and work out on my own and train on my own. I would just go out on the driveway and shoot hoops and practice my ball handling. I was constantly grinding because that's all that mattered to me, and so I was very hard on myself. I tended to be quite emotional. I'd get stuck in the past with my mistakes, and for that I lacked confidence at times. And as I continued in my career, I worked through it as best as I could, with the support of my parents and my coaches and my teammates, but I definitely could have had some more help in that area. Now, going through my high school career, I suffered two major injuries. I tore two ACLs and one was going into my senior year, and that's when I decided to just go to college and play recreationally, and that's where I found sports psychology and I immediately fell in love. This was like my new passion, my new calling because I knew if I had someone when I was that age, you know, going through my sport journey, to help me through that, those emotions, those thoughts, the lack of confidence, the injury, I would have been that much better off. Not to say that I didn't have a great support system because I did, to say that I didn't have a great support system because I did, um, just having that extra resource, and so I wanted to be that person for all, as many athletes as possible, all ages, um, and so I pursued a career and I graduated with my master's CMPC, I got certified and now I'm doing what I love and I it's awesome. So that's a little bit about me.

Speaker 2: 4:24

Now going into the content of what we're going to be talking about tonight um, first of all, I always like to say I'm not a parent. So when I'm speaking with you, all this comes from it really does come from the heart, because I was a youth athlete. I had parents that were very supportive, um, and probably would have if they had known about this stuff when I was an athlete. Probably would have, if they had known about this stuff when I was an athlete, probably would have done, you know, gotten involved in something like this, and then I also hope to be a parent. So I'm giving you all this information. Please take what you want from this. If something doesn't really resonate, totally fine. If something does and you're like I'm going to use all of this, I'm going to use bits and pieces, that's great. So my hope is really that you take you know one or two things from this tonight and really enjoy it. So, setting the stage what are we going to talk about?

Speaker 2: 5:14

Sport is important to your athletes. I'm sure you all know that. They all love what they're doing, and so what you do and say can have a long-term impact. Okay, what you do and say can have a long-term impact. Okay, it's. It's so important to them that what you're doing, that's the modeling, and what you're saying, that's the communication. They really take it to heart, they really process it and think about it. And so understanding for ourselves where we're coming from, when we're doing and saying things, and then really reflecting on what we're actually doing and saying, is going to be helpful for when we're in those situations where maybe they just had not the best game and they're really upset or they had a really, really great game, and processing that and going through that.

Speaker 2: 5:57

Maybe you all have been on the road for two weeks because you're traveling and you're tired and you know you spend a lot of money and a lot of time on the road and and working. You know, working through that once you get home, how to, how to manage and process all of that. So that's really again what, what I would like to talk about tonight. And so sport is what you make it right, um, and you could be a source of support, you could be a source of stress, and so it's really again figuring out, diving into obviously we need that support system, right, and so we have the best intentions, right, parents have the best intentions in mind and do their best within the limits of awareness, and so that's why I really want to dive in deep into this awareness piece, because you all want what's best for your kids, right, you all care about them, you all love them and you want to do the best that you can to help them through this journey. And so, again, I want to help you raise awareness to what you want, right, right, so purpose, more aware I've repeated this many times already but more aware of your hopes, desires and investment for your child's athletic journey and how that affects your communication and modeling. And again, when I say communication, that's talking, and then I use modeling more. So, like you showing them non-verbally some you know things. So like, if you're in a situation you become frustrated and you, you know, you act out, you're, you know, flailing your arms and yelling, that's modeling. When something comes up that's frustrating, that's how you behave, and so they may take that and and do the same thing. Right, so let's dive into it.

Speaker 2: 7:45

So the activity, so how is this going to work? And this is why I asked everyone to get a piece of paper. So, everyone that's come on late, if you could just grab a piece of paper and a pen if you don't already have one. We're going to go through four questions and I'm going to ask them one at a time and I'm going to have you answer. So I'll give you a couple minutes and I really want you to process and think about, think about these questions and really put into, put in thought into your answers, put thought into your answers. There we go, put thought into your answers and write it out. And again, I'm going to give you two minutes. If you finish before then. If you could just give me a hand raise and then I'll know when everyone's finishing up and I can transition into the next question. So, really, that's going to be the main focus for like the next eight to 10 minutes is just answering these questions, being with yourself, processing through these and writing them down, and then afterward we're going to talk about it, all right.

Speaker 2: 8:42

So first question is what is your investment or commitment in your child and their sport journey? Okay, so again, investment could be anything from time, money, commitment, same thing. So, thinking about you know what you're putting into your child and their and their sport journey. Just start listing that out. You could also think about emotion and internal investment, right, all right, and I'll give you another. I'll give you another 30 seconds to finish up and I'll move on to the next question, all right?

Speaker 2: 9:23

So next question is what do you want your child to accomplish in sport? What do you want them to accomplish? So this may be, I'll let you all interpret it. And then, once you are finished, same thing. I'll give you a couple of minutes and you can go all the way I mean, you know, through college if you like, as far as accomplishments go to high school, to current time, right? What do you want them to accomplish? And then I'll give you a couple minutes to answer that as well. And, once you're done, if you could just give me a hand raise as well again, and then I will All right, just give me a hand raise as well Again, and then I will All right, all right. Next question is what do you want them to learn through sport? What do you want them to learn through sport? So, again, taking a couple minutes. My last question is what person do you want them to become now Should be become now and what person do you want them to become when they transition out of sport? Okay, so who do you want them to be now through sport and when they transition out of sport? Okay, so, this is current, and then, long-term, I'll give you a couple of minutes.

Speaker 2: 10:40

Okay, so we've gone through our four questions and again, this was really to help you dive in deeper into the awareness piece. So the first two questions hit on a couple things, the second two hit on a couple different things, and now what we're going to do is we're going to talk about it. So we're going to debrief. We're going to debrief, all right. Now, with that being said, please share what you want. If you don't feel comfortable sharing things, please don't share. It's totally OK. Conversation is great. So if you're willing to participate and you feel comfortable, please do. But again, if you don't feel comfortable, no worries, ok.

Speaker 2: 11:22

So first thing I want you to do is I want you to go ahead and reread your answers. Reread your answers, okay. And so now I'm going to open the floor for discussion. As I said, if you're comfortable sharing, great. And the first question I'm going to ask you are what are some common themes or key themes that you're noticing within your answers? What are some similarities, some common themes that you're noticing within your answers? So, what are some similarities, some common themes that you're noticing? And if you want to, you can go ahead and raise a hand if you'd like to share, or you could put it in the chat. That's fine too, if you don't feel like talking, and we'll go ahead and read. Obviously, we'll read what is put in the chat and then, if you raise your hand, I'll go ahead and unmute.

Speaker 1: 12:04

You, you can unmute one of the things that I wrote down is time. Um, like the girls talk about this on one-on-one sessions. They talk about it a lot. I think about time I've spent so much time. I mean, like the girls are money aware too. But just like time at practice, time at time working on pitching, they all even in groups. They'll ask well, how long has everybody been playing. Like they measure a lot of this in time, time commitment, time commitment Okay.

Speaker 2: 12:37

Thank you for sharing. Would anyone else like to share, Jennifer? Thank you.

Speaker 3: 12:43

So mine's kind of time as well, but mine is. I only put in as much time as my kids put in. So if you're not going to put in the time practicing pitching when you're not at your pitching lessons, I'm not going to put in the time taking you to pitching lessons. So I kind of make it like if you're willing to put in the time, I'm willing to do that as well. Um, but it's not going to be me forcing it, it's got to be you wanting to do it. Um, on your own okay, so it's.

Speaker 2: 13:22

So it's your. You're matching there. You're matching what they're giving. Yes, okay, thank you. Thank you for sharing. Would anyone else like to share some common themes or key themes that they're noticing? Yes, megan.

Speaker 5: 13:37

So this is actually Andrew Megan's husband. So again, it's a lot of time and money. But I also coach my oldest daughter and then my youngest daughter's on a team up in Omaha, so we do a lot of traveling twice, a week. It's time traveling, time talking to other families, being the coach of a team, time just being outside playing catch with the girls outside of practice, taking them to lessons. And then again money on top of all that.

Speaker 2: 14:05

Right, yeah, so a lot of time. That's what I'm hearing. A lot, a lot of time, a lot of it's a lot of commitment. It's a big commitment. Thank you for sharing, andrew. Anyone else like to share Someone else? So I'll have you all think about this next one.

Speaker 2: 14:21

So how do you think your investment and goals? So that second question was goals. What do you want your, your athletes, to accomplish, right? Whether that be college, going to college, making varsity team, making a specific club or travel team, right? So how, how do you think your investments at the time? The money and the goals affects what you do and say in front of your athletes. And this could be an again, this could be in a way where it is. It is helpful and sometimes it could be unhelpful, but it's just really processing and thinking about those times when you're, you know, having conversations with your partner or having conversations with other coaches, or even having conversations with your athletes. What does that look like and how do you think those things affect that? And here is Aaron Coach Avey. Do you want to read it?

Speaker 1: 15:18

Sure. Thank you, lots of my answers don't have to do directly related to softball. Many themes around how involvement in sport hopefully will make my daughter a more well-rounded person okay okay, it's awesome.

Speaker 2: 15:32

Yeah, yeah. So the common theme is just overall how she'll be as she gets older and and guiding her through her journey. Thank you, aaron. Would anyone like to share for number two? Yes, andrew.

Speaker 5: 15:46

So again, megan and I we talked to we want them to accomplish whatever they dream of. You know, you know, we just want them to be successful. So, whatever they're, whatever they're dreaming, whatever they, whatever they want to do, we want them to be successful. And I feel like with our steps and number one, you know we're we're putting them in the positions and we can't make them do everything, but we're setting them up as best we can to be successful and to accomplish their dreams.

Speaker 2: 16:12

OK, so providing them the resources so they can accomplish what they want to accomplish. So my next question for you, andrew and Megan, is what does that support look like, other than, obviously, you're giving them the resources right? What does that support look like coming from you both personally?

Speaker 5: 16:32

So, again, I do the best I can to coach her and to give her the knowledge that I have, which is pretty limited. I haven't been around softball forever. My oldest daughter is 12. So I've been around it very short amount of time. But you know, my, my commitment, my, my level is to give her whatever support I can give her. You know I don't force her to go out and practice whenever we're home. I, I, I make her be the one that that initiates any any of that, because I don't want her to burn out. You know, so it's, it's gotta be one of those. If she asked me to go play catch, yeah, I'll go out and play catch with you, but I'm not gonna say, hey, how many times did you play catch today? Or how many times have you done this or that?

Speaker 2: 17:11

So it's coming back to that. Um, I think Jennifer mentioned it earlier right, not forcing it, just allowing them to uh say, say what they want, and you're again providing them those resources and supporting them with what they they want.

Speaker 5: 17:24

Yes, yep, yep, I'm available, I'm being, I'm making myself available whenever they need.

Speaker 2: 17:28

Awesome, Awesome. Thank you yes.

Speaker 3: 17:32

Jennifer, so mine is. I want them, to my kids, to be great and learn things through sports and excelling in sports, but a lot of it is failure, too Like I want my kids to know how to handle failure. Like if you're not the starter, you don't get picked for a team. Or let's just say you strike out every time you walk up Like what did you do this week that you didn't do last week? So do I need to work harder? So I have a promotion for a job or a test coming up. I should study, because if I don't study now I'll fail. Just like if you don't get in the cage, you're probably going to not hit the ball when you get on the field and just learning to cope with the failure and also learning to deal with it and know how to push through to be better for the next time and not be stuck in that failure for that week or that day.

Speaker 2: 18:29

Okay, so you're really wanting them to learn how to fail. Essentially, is what you're saying right Learn how to make mistakes and move on, push through, keep moving forward and preparing for that too, giving yourself the best opportunity to be successful Awesome, okay, well, go ahead.

Speaker 1: 18:48

Go ahead. One of the things that I would add and this is me speaking as an athlete, on the athlete side I just remember my dad always speaking. We would talk about the time commitment, we would talk about all of these themes that we're talking about, and one of the things that I would echo is I think oftentimes he would beat a dead horse and he would over-communicate those things. And so, even if you guys are communicating the right things, your athletes are listening. Like I still take away those life lessons. Was I going to admit it to my dad in that moment? No way, especially not in high school. But I think about those lessons and these conversations that we're having now to this day, I'll still.

Speaker 1: 19:26

I still remember my dad was a truck driver and so he talked about well, if I get your pitching lessons, it's this many loads. Today I got the extra load, or you know, for Christmas getting that bat. Those things are really, really special and it does. I know sometimes it feels like it falls on deaf ears but, as a former player, you guys are doing all the right things, even though sometimes it feels like you're not getting through to them, because you are and they are learning these lessons and we're here to reiterate those for them, Like that's why you guys are here, which is awesome.

Speaker 2: 19:59

Thank you, coach. Thanks, okay. Next question. So how do you think your desires and hopes so a little bit different. So this is somewhat what Jennifer went into affects what you do and say in front of your athletes. So, somewhere what coach AB was just saying right, uh, her dad bringing up, uh, you know an extra load. I get you this many more pitching lessons like that. That's impactful, like I said. So, thinking about you know an extra load. I get you this many more pitching lessons like that. That's impactful, like I said.

Speaker 2: 20:24

So, thinking about you know what you're saying to your athletes. Oh, you got to get out there today. I know most of you are saying, well, I'm not forcing them, but you know what. What are those things that you're saying and doing right, supporting them and going out and throwing the ball with them, which is awesome because you want them to, you know, learn how to prepare for a game, whatever that may be. So what does that look like? What are those actions and what is that communication? Would anyone else like to share? I know Jennifer and Andrew have been, which I really appreciate. Thank you.

Speaker 5: 20:58

So yeah, this is Andrew again. I'm sorry I didn't raise my hand. Thank, you.

Speaker 5: 21:03

So yeah, it is Andrew. Again, I'm sorry I didn't raise my hand, so this one, this one's tricky, but I'm glad coach AB said something about you know how, how she appreciated what her dad, you know how many loads it was or what it. Because a lot of times, or a lot, most of the time, it feels like whatever I say to my girls does go on deaf ears. You know, like, do they really appreciate what we put in? Do they really appreciate or understand how much sacrifice we've actually given to to make sure that they're they're doing or they're successful? So I just, I just want to say I appreciated that one, because that that piece right there made me realize that my girls don't always come across like, like they're. You know, I I can't really always tell their actions, or or I I can't, I don't really see all the time what, what they're getting out of, out of our, our hopes and desires for them. I guess Okay.

Speaker 2: 21:55

So thank you, coach AB, because you're she is right, it's not on deaf ears, they're always listening, and that's that's part of the reason why I really wanted to talk about this tonight is a lot of the things that you're doing and saying they are recognizing. They might not acknowledge it and be like hey and talk about it, but they are actually listening and that ties back into you know the way that they're processing, how they're performing, the way that they are preparing for a game, making sure that they don't let you down because of what you're investing, committing to them, right? So it's so, it's thinking about it in that way. It's, they do, they do see it, they see it. They hear the conversations that you, like I said you and your partners are having on the side, right? Like well, are you going to drive them today, or am I? I have to stay late for work, so maybe we ought to have to get so-and-so to pick them up. I don't know, right, maybe we could carpool all those conversations there here.

Speaker 2: 22:51

I mean, I can remember my parents as well. I will say that my I would ask my dad to come out and rebound for me. It's really hot in Florida, so sometimes he would stay out for about 15 minutes and he was like, okay, I got to go inside and I was, I was rebounding on my own, but I did appreciate the 15 minutes that he gave me, right? So they are, they are listening, they're always listening and they're always watching, and how they're interpreting and perceiving that is is something, like you said, it's hard to tell, and so so, thinking about how you want to do that in a helpful way and thinking about how you know, how can you communicate to that, how can you communicate with them? Hey, what do you need in this moment? How can I help you? You know I'm I'm trying to help you. How can I help you? What do you need from me? Um, so yeah, does anyone else want to share?

Speaker 1: 23:50

I think that this story would be really impactful to share, especially for this recording in this parent workshop. One of the very first athletes that I coached, um, when I started my journey in mental performance coaching is she ended up getting a D1 walk-on position, and I coached her years before as a pitcher and as one of her high school coaches, and one of the things that she experienced is she came from a wealthier family. She had access to the best pitching coaches, she had access to the best teams. The team that she was on had a weightlifting program, they had a recruiting program, they had everything, was actually offered a scholarship for sophomore year. Um, she decided to step away from it all because she felt like she was a fraud. She felt like I have all of these resources in the world and I still fail.

Speaker 1: 24:51

And so for that conversation is, I think, even if you give your daughter all of these things and say, see, look, we're giving you the best instructors, I think that's a double-edged sword too, because one of the things that she realized was had I known that it was okay to fail? Had I known that it wasn't a? You know, it wasn't me that everybody fails, it's um. I think sometimes we go too far. The other way of saying I've given you all these resources and I've given you all these things and I want the best instructor and the best bat and the best of the best of the best, and then still remembering to have that conversation and saying, even with all of this stuff, you're still going to fail. Um, I wish I could shout that from the mountain to. I wish she would share her story more. Um, yeah, if, and she would say if she could go back and do it all over again, I think she would do it differently.

Speaker 2: 25:42

Powerful, very sad but powerful, yeah, yeah, and something like so. Going off of that, right, I talked about modeling, and so you mentioned communication, modeling that you know, when you're out throwing the ball with them and you make a mistake, how do you respond to the mistake? Mistake, how do you respond to the mistake? You kick yourself? Do you throw your arms up? Or even just on the daily right, you I'm trying to think of a mistake, I don't know driving right, something like that where you're making a mistake in front of them, how do you, you know, how do you show that you fail? What do you do in that moment? Because, again, they're watching you.

Speaker 2: 26:19

That's the example I gave at the beginning. We're frustrated when we, you know, we throw our arms up and we're whatever curse or, you know, yell or whatever it is, but it's they watch that and it's like that's not okay, right, obviously, when in reality it's okay, everybody fails. So so it's. It's having those conversations, but also thinking about, hey, how can I act in a way when these situations occur, in a way that I want them to see that it's okay when they're, you know, feeling nervous or frustrated or make a mistake or fail, and that's that's a huge way to communicate. And so that goes to my next question with your increased awareness, what are action steps you can start taking today? Yeah, I love this question.

Speaker 2: 27:05

I don't have to answer this one, and you may, you all may already be doing these things, which is also very helpful to share, as well, I think one of the questions that I would ask your athlete is not even tell them, just ask them and say, hey did?

Speaker 1: 27:21

do you know what I do when I fail? Or did you know that mom fails? Or do you know that I have negative thoughts? Or do you know that mom fails? Or do you know that I have negative thoughts? Or do you know, like that, I make mistakes and I get yelled at by my boss or I get nervous? Do you do you know that? Do you realize that? And just see, just see what their answer is. I would be very curious Me too.

Speaker 2: 27:42

Me too, also just sharing a story about like getting yelled at by your boss. Also just sharing a story about like getting yelled at by your boss, you know, being nervous for a presentation. Like that's one of the things. When I talk in front of young athletes, I'm like I'm nervous. You all are 11 and 12. And I feel very nervous right now because I want to make sure that I, you know, give you great information and you know so. Like I was nervous about tonight too, I felt nervous and that's that's normal. So even just sharing those stories as well, yeah, yes, andrew, go ahead.

Speaker 5: 28:19

Thanks for raising so, yeah, no, that that's. I think that's a good point. Yeah, and those are things that we, especially we preach that to our, our girls on the on the team. You know we'll, we have 10 girls stand up and then you know we make a seven of them sit down and be like you know that's, that's two girls out of 10. That that's a 200 batting average. You know that that that's an okay batting average. You're going to fail more times and I think those visual cues also help those girls understand that. Girls understand that that you know, you know it's right, you know it's true. We're not going to get up and hit the ball every time we're we're at batting. You know. You know we, we also preach attitude and effort. Those are the two things that you guys can control and that's that's so. I feel like I'm, I'm, we're giving our girls a lot of these things and and, yeah, preach, maybe preach more that it's okay to fail, but I feel like we do. Let them know that. You know, striking out is part of softball.

Speaker 6: 29:15

It's going to happen.

Speaker 6: 29:22

It's, I feel.

Speaker 6: 29:22

I feel a lot of pressure because I know I don't always behave as an adult and handle my frustrations and failures in the moment the way I wish I try to teach Olivia to do when she's on the field.

Speaker 6: 29:30

But I think what's nice about talking about this conversation in particular is that I feel like I'm always confident enough, because I fail as a parent nearly every day, I think. But it's been really nice to then take a step back and then go back to both my girls and then talk about, okay, admitting I didn't handle that the right way and how can I do it better, and things like that. And then hopefully that translates into because I know, especially my softball player, olivia she just she's a, she's an emotional person, and so we're talking more or not about trying not to tamp down that emotion but how to express it in more helpful and functional ways. So this whole conversation about awareness and just being able to have those conversations that you're even going to fail on the mental side of things probably a lot of times, but if you can realize what you did and then try to just do better next time, that's been really nice to have this perspective.

Speaker 2: 30:31

Thank you, and thank you for sharing. Thank you for sharing. That's awesome, going back and talking to them and working through. You know, this is what happened. This is what I did, exactly. Yes, a Martin, I I'm sorry, I do not know what's your first name.

Speaker 4: 30:46

My name's Ashley.

Speaker 2: 30:47

Ashley.

Speaker 4: 30:48

Yes, so I have almost 16 year old and we're starting this recruiting stuff and going through these things and over.

Speaker 4: 30:55

She's been playing for almost six years now and the one thing I think, um, and she also has a health condition, so, uh, one thing I think that we have kind of learned to like capitalize or teach her to capitalize on is like someone's always going to be better than you. Whether they're going to be a better hitter, they're going to be a better, you know pitcher, whatnot, but like it's what you have to like offer. And we always just tell her like hard work always, it's always so important. So like you're going to get out what you put in. So while someone might be better, you know initially, you can chip away and like close that gap and really just discover like who you are and you might not be throwing, you know, 70 miles an hour. She's not a pitcher, but you know she she may not have that skill, but like she has something to offer that somebody else might not. So just really capitalizing on like being her own person.

Speaker 2: 31:51

That's. That's awesome too, because it I mean college coaches don't just look for performance, right, they're looking for character. Are they coachable, are they hardworking, are they a team player? And so finding herself through that and talking and working with her on that, to say, hey, if you just keep working hard and find out who you are and what you want to stand for when you're on the field, that's what's going to be very important as well. That's awesome, that's really great and something you know.

Speaker 2: 32:22

Something else that I'm hearing, that I often tell parents as well, is there's a lot of fear of failing. I'm sure you all have heard that, and I mean, ashley you talking about recruiting, like I'm sure there's a lot of fear of you know where, you know who's going to talk to me, who's going to, where am I going to go? All those things. Am I going to be good enough? Right, and so preaching that failure is okay is very important, right, it's good to say those things, but also validating the feelings of being fearful it is scary.

Speaker 2: 32:55

It's scary to fail. Yeah, it happens all the time, but it is scary. We're scared of what people are going to think. We're scared of being embarrassed. We don't want to feel embarrassed and ashamed, it sucks, right. And so when it's like when you stub your toe or hit your funny bone and everyone's laughing at you, that doesn't feel great. So validating the feelings of, hey, yeah, this is tough right now, like it sucks when you fail, but you also can push through, you can also get it's part of you know, it's part of the sport, it's part of it, but it does suck, but you can work through it Right. And so that validation is really helpful and meaningful because then you're you're meeting them at their level, you're showing them that you're listening and you're understanding no-transcript level that it's. It's okay to be going through what they're going through and you're going to help them work through that.

Speaker 1: 34:21

I did want to give you a heads up. Um, we have. We have gone over on time, so I really appreciate you guys' time. Um, if you guys have any questions, nicole, how can we, how can we keep in touch with you? How can we wrap this up in a beautiful way and where can they follow you? Where can they? How can they stay in touch with you? Um, look at that segue.

Speaker 2: 34:49

And I just want to say thank you all for sharing I mean, like I said, conversation's great and hearing from each other and normalizing what all of you are going through as far as being parents and really caring for your athletes, you know, being their coaches as well. That's it's awesome, right, because it it normalizes everything, because it is, I mean, you all care about them very much, so and you're here to learn and you're here to help, so it's awesome. So I really appreciate it. I appreciate you all listening, I appreciate you staying on for a long time. I will say that part of where I, you know, got this idea was from this book Parenting Young Athletes, developing Champions in Sport and Life Great book. There's a lot of chapters on. There's a few on like the mental side, injury, stress, winning, like success and failure, and then there's also some stuff on like nutrition and that sort of thing. So great book.

Speaker 2: 35:43

If you all are interested in a resource, so yeah, any questions for me. I know again, I know we're running late, but if you all are interested in a resource, so yeah, any questions for me. I know again, I know we're running late, but if you all have any questions, I'm happy to stay on, if not, thank you again for your time and just being aware and taking notice to the things that you're saying. I think the big picture was the way that you're modeling, validating, normalizing, having those conversations um being willing to and being willing to, willing to show them that you also fail. So thank you, thank you everybody thank you, nicole, so much.

Speaker 1: 36:21

This was awesome and, yes, I echo nicole's thoughts as well. Thank you, guys, for taking the time to be here. Thank you for taking the time to dive in, because this is the work.