Unpolished Recovery
Unpolished Recovery fearlessly dives into the raw and unfiltered tales of triumph over addiction and alcoholism. We believe that true healing begins when we embrace our stories' messy, imperfect aspects. Whether you're someone seeking inspiration on your path to recovery, a friend or family member supporting a loved one, or simply a curious listener, this podcast offers eye-opening and uplifting insights.
Unpolished Recovery
Celebrating Recovery, Building Resilience
Have you ever wondered what the path to recovery looks like for someone who has triumphed? Meet Caitlin, a resilient person who graduated from a recovery program and works tirelessly at a treatment facility. Her journey is inspiring and illuminating for those seeking a similar path to sobriety and healing.
Welcome to Unpolished Recovery. My name is Trey. Most stories of recovery start with how bad addiction was, how they enter recovery and how great life is now. That's a polished story.
Speaker 2:My name is Chris. I'm your co-host of Unpolished Recovery. Today we have part two of Caitlin's story. You don't feel pretty privileged Even I didn't deserve a part two on my story but I think we went through kind of the last episode.
Speaker 2:We went through your path in addiction. What led you to reach it out for help, how dark it got at times. I think we even just you know you openly talk about how you got to the point of contemplating suicide. It's how. I don't know how much darker it can get than that when you get to a point that you would rather that you either need to change or you want to die. But today I kind of want to talk about more of the positive stuff, that road of recovery, the things that you've done that did change you know your view of your life and gave you hope, and then the stuff you're still doing today, kind of if you would just start out with telling us just repeating what it is that you do today, your employment where you're standing in recovery, kind of what's that? What's a week in Caitlyn's life look like today versus, say, five, six years ago.
Speaker 3:Well, my second home is my job, but I work at Cumberland Heights treatment facility. I've been as an administrative assistant. I'm able to fill in with clinical positions. So getting the licensed drug and alcohol counselors I talked about previously, getting those experience hours in, and you know I work there eight hours a day and then when I come home, either in the morning or in the afternoon like I'll play a meeting, I got a set of side time to do step work. Most importantly, though, it's my sponsors that you know that really help motivate me and get me going through the week. Being able to hear they're helping other people is you know what I like doing.
Speaker 2:Just to go back to. You said you are getting some experience hours in a clinical position. So as a lay deck licensed drug and alcohol alcohol counselor, you have a supervisor in that that you report to right. That's how you're able to do those things and I'm sure you've shared with me personally how much you're learning from that process. How many sponsors do you have right now? For four and and? Are those people in a recovery program?
Speaker 3:So one of them is in another recovery program, and then the rest of them are at Restoration House.
Speaker 2:Okay, so you're able to give back to the program that you graduated from. I do want to bring up one quick note. You're clean day, your anniversary, your Spritey day, what is it?
Speaker 3:October, the second 2019.
Speaker 2:So it was yesterday. And how many years was it? Four years.
Speaker 1:So what is that role of a sponsor look like.
Speaker 3:So a sponsor is someone that guides someone in recovery through the 12 steps. They're not their mom, their sister, their brother, their friend. It's someone that will hold you accountable when you need to get your shit together.
Speaker 2:And you still have it now. Let me ask you this Do you have still have sponsor yourself today?
Speaker 3:I do and I'll say it's been really difficult trying to find a sponsor these days and ages like ever since COVID hit, like it's just been nobody's wanting to sponsor anybody. So I've been through like four. But the point is up is I'm not giving up, and you know that's another reason why I love to sponsor these women, because I know how hard it is with my own personal experience trying to find a sponsor.
Speaker 2:Well, I can tell you know from just personal experience, when you're in a recovery program halfway house, sober living community, whatever you want to call it like that's what your life is about is recovery. That comes before everything. So, like our program at Restoration House, they do maintain full-time employment, but pretty much every Everything else is around recovery. With, that being said, transitioning on your own to live in your own apartment. You know your own life. Like what's that? Like trying to keep that balance where you're continuing to grow, you're still continuing to work. A recovery program like what's that look like? With the just balance in the time?
Speaker 3:Well, as I stated previously, I was at restoration house for three years. So I've only been out of there for a year, maybe a little bit longer, but the reason why I stayed there three years is because I was mentally unstable. I was, you know, physically unstable and you know I couldn't. I couldn't afford to live on my own, especially in Nashville. But the most important thing is my son. I'm always keeping him in the back of my mind. You know I have these goals and I have the big goal, which is getting my son back full-time, and then small goals that work up to that. All of my small goals got Completed and you know I was able to work at restoration house as a program monitor and I was just kind of waiting on God's time to tell me when it was time to go.
Speaker 2:Let me ask you this that role as a program monitors what we call it restoration. Now Some people would maybe call it a house manager, but I think they do a lot more case management than Anything else like how did that role prepare you for, say, the job you have now or just when you transition on? What difference did that make?
Speaker 3:a huge difference being able to just have hands-on experience with you, know different women's personalities and and you know how to handle conflict, how to set boundaries. All of those things that I learned as a program monitor I took with me to a treatment center. Yes, the treatment field is a whole lot different, but I had a lot of good teachers along the way.
Speaker 2:So, kid, let me ask you this kitten, like long term, is Working in recovery. Give them back to others, it's. Is that something you see? You know? Long term for you? Is this what you? Is this your calling? I guess I'm asking.
Speaker 3:Oh yeah, absolutely. I kind of knew Whenever I first got into recovery that this is something I wanted to do, just because, like I always kept in the back of my mind that I have to give to get, and you know I wanted to make sure. You know that was another goal that I had in the back of my mind was to work in in recovery Somehow, and God just kind of opened those doors for me.
Speaker 1:So I have a question for you. So the other part of my job that isn't this is I run an after-school program, and so something that we communicate with all of our staff members helping students who are Heavily impacted by trauma and poverty is that every day, you're not going to meet the needs of every single person you try to serve, and I'm so I'm curious how that, how that impacts you in your job, if that's something that you see as well that's definitely a challenge for me, because you know I have a tendency to just want to help everybody, and I know that's not always going to happen.
Speaker 3:But someone once told me you know as long as it's one person, you know as long as you're impacting one person, or you know. Something that I've always taken with me is that did I do everything that I could to help that person? And if the answer is yes, then I can move on.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and it's hard not to. It's hard to accept the reality that you're not a superhero right.
Speaker 3:Maybe someone else can get you know, get to him, but at least I tried I.
Speaker 2:Know in my own life, one of the areas that you know I have to constantly keep in check because I work in recovery. It's given back. It's personal to me because I've learned that you know you got to give it away to keep it, as they say. However, I'm notorious for emptying myself out through the day and then by the time I get to it's my time. I don't have much left. So I've learned that through the years, like that's. That's crucial, you know, to make sure I have enough for me. Is there anything that you do to make sure that you have that reserve? That's just for Kate.
Speaker 3:Oh yeah, definitely so. On the weekends is, you know, my time to to relax, and you know I like to crochet, I like to fish. Those things is how I, you know, practice my self-care, take a bath, you know, whatever I can. Self-care is really important to me because I know that I need that to be able to survive and to be able to help others.
Speaker 2:So you set that time aside, say every week that you just that's just your time, absolutely you protect that and have boundaries in place. I think that's one of the things that are, you know probably doesn't get the attention it needs in that first year of recovery is establishing boundaries. Here at Restoration House we really do push those. I think it's beneficial down the road. Don't you Explain what a boundary is, what a healthy boundary is, and then upholding those? But you know, I, you know we've talked about you know, your life today. Is it possible that you could just kind of give a brief description of your life day, like are you fulfilled? Are you happy? Are there what's the areas that you're continuing to work on? Just can you describe your life today?
Speaker 3:Yeah, I absolutely love my life today. I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for God. You know he gave me a second chance at living and I am so blessed today. You know I don't have my son full, I don't have my son back full time, but you know I still get to see him once a month and he gets to come to my apartment and be with me on the weekends and things like that. And you know, happiness comes and goes, but I have joy that just stays. And yeah, I'm just super appreciative of everything in my life. And it's not always, you know, it's not always good. I have bad times as well, you know, just like anybody. You know life does happen, but I'm able to manage that better today with the tools of recovery, my step work and my sponsor, things like that to help get me through and hold me accountable.
Speaker 2:You've definitely described a process and I think, just just speaking for myself, a big part of me being an ax, I want what I want. I want it now. Oh yeah, you know anything. You know instant gratification and I've learned through recovery that that's. That's not how life is, that the best things in life require work, dedication, priority. You know being able to set my priorities straight, you know, or today versus when you enter recovery, you know, do you can see yourself that you've gained more patience, you've learned more patience.
Speaker 3:I have, but I will never. That is one thing that I'll never be completely like perfect on. I mean, of course I'm not going to be perfect at anything, but that's something I'm going to have to work on for the rest of my life, because it is the hardest thing for me to do is to be patient. You know I want my son back right now as a perfect example, and that that can't happen. I'm dealing with someone else's life and I have to make sure that it's the right timing. But having to wait is is difficult, very difficult, but I get through it.
Speaker 2:Is it just something that you have to continue to remind yourself?
Speaker 3:Yes, absolutely being able to. You know, ask God to for that. For that day, you know, I'll put my hands up in there and I'll say, all right, lord, I'll let this go, I give it to you, and then I leave it alone and I sometimes it comes back up, sometimes it doesn't, but you know, ultimately when I do that, you know and accepting it is what it is, you know it works.
Speaker 2:Let me ask you about one. One of the rules at restoration house that sets a sets our program apart from other programs is that we require when individuals come in their program that they are relationally absent, and you being an attractive lady, I'm sure it's come up from time to time in recovery. Now most of us know it's worked. A 12-step program that about anywhere you go they're going to say wait a year, but restoration house says six months. Can you, can you tell me that process with concerning you, like when you came into recovery? I'm sure you heard that can you tell me your thought process? Has that been? Have you benefited from that or were you able to abstain from relationships? Like just in your own words?
Speaker 3:So, yes, I was not worried about any type of man when I first got to the program. I was still traumatized from the amount of abuse that I had put up with that. Whenever I got told that restoration house means no relationships, I was like that's great, because I can't even look at a man right now. So, and then, of course, in recovery as well, you're told to wait a year and then also get a plant and if you can let that live, then get an animal. But yeah, I never had issues with that rule. I needed to love myself before I could love anyone else.
Speaker 2:Well, you work in treatment. You know that that is a big area of concern for people. We've filled holes in ourselves for so long with chemicals and then the chemicals are gone. The next easiest thing to fill that hole with is another person. So I'm sure during your time in the recovery program and then, of course, your job, you see that Some men and women have a lot more trouble doing that than others. Is there any like advice or guidance you can give people in early recovery?
Speaker 3:as far as the relational abstinence part of it, yeah, just you know it is hard to be patient. But you know, no matter what you believe, whether it's God, higher power, whatever it is you know there's a right time for everything and it's gonna happen. You're gonna find the perfect person for you. But nobody can fill that hole in your heart. Only your higher power can. And until that's filled and until you love yourself wholeheartedly, you're not gonna be able to be in a relationship. You can try but it's not gonna work. But it's gonna happen. There's someone out there for everyone. You just gotta be patient. It's hard but it's simple.
Speaker 2:Well said, I know for me in some of my classes that I teach that's one of the things that I tell them all the time that's one of the most valuable things in my life is that I'm able to lay my head down at night and be okay with me, and that's not always been the case. I spent most of my time trying to be somebody else, who I thought they wanted me to be, but to actually be like okay, I'm okay with being a work in progress. I have a lot of good qualities and I have some things I need to work on, but I'm okay with where I'm at today and I think if I wouldn't abstain from relationships, I don't believe I'd ever got to that point. Yeah me either. Thanks to recovery, I learned the importance of just focusing on myself.
Speaker 2:You know a lot of people say recovery is selfish at times, that you have to take care of yourself, but some lessons are easier to learn than others and some must be learned the hard way multiple times, and I fall into that category. I wish I just had a great epiphany that said oh, I get it. It was more like I just got beat into submission. You know, I just made the wrong decision and it hurt so much I was like maybe I should stop putting my hand on a hot eye, you know. So. You know just what about someone that's in recovery that say they get a year clean. As far as pursuing working in, I know you already have some certifications we mentioned before your CPRS or Vite Beer Sports Badge List, right, and then you're pursuing the LADAC and then there's also things like recovery coach. You know, if someone is able to, I think, what is the industry standard with? Is it 24 months clean and sober before you enter into that profession?
Speaker 3:Or I mean that would be recommended. I know, like whenever it comes to our application, that if you went through, say, for instance, cumberland Heights, the treatment center, you would have to wait two years before applying because you've been there. But for other people I'm not sure, but I'm pretty sure I mean that's recommended two years.
Speaker 2:How did you get started with CPRS? Was that the first certification?
Speaker 3:My first yes.
Speaker 2:How did you get that? At what point in your recovery and life, like, where were you at kind of describe that process?
Speaker 3:So I was a program monitor at Restoration House. I had people around me that were being certified. I looked into it and was like, is this something that I wanna pursue? And of course it is. You know, it gives me more experience. I'm like a sponge. I soak up knowledge, I love to learn. So being there at restoration houses kind of what started that. I had people around me doing it and you know I wanted what they had.
Speaker 2:And what did you have to do? What was the qualifications like? What was the process like?
Speaker 3:I mean, it was so long ago. I know you have to submit an application and the questions on it are really long. You've got to be detailed and thorough Speaking about your experience. That's one of the requirements of a CPRS is you need experience. You need to. You know what's that word Having experience because you've been through it.
Speaker 2:And then you have to do, you have to take some classes to right before you even submit the application. Yes, was that eight hours a day?
Speaker 3:or yes, eight hours a day for five days? Well, no, not five, yeah, five days, and it was exhausting. But I did learn a lot in that short amount of time of you know, helping someone is to provide resources, just to be a listening ear. I don't have to say anything, you know, I can just listen.
Speaker 2:Don't have to have all the answer. What about now? If I'm not mistaken, you had to have a supervisor for that too, just like with the lay-dact process. You had someone that you reported to and then you had to have some hours group hours right? Yes, I'm not wrong, but I think I remember that's what it is. Now, were you still at Restoration House when you got your certification? Did Restoration House help you with any of that?
Speaker 3:Oh yeah, all of my referrals or references, you know helping. I'm not even sure if you have to pay anything for it, because Restoration House helped me with everything.
Speaker 2:Well, I know we do that today. Is that we Pashtina? It's just we hope that during that six months that maybe at first it's just staying clean and sober, but it becomes a lot more than that during the process. I know that she just loves helping people better themselves. You know, and that's the first step, you get a, like you said, an understanding of you know, there is a difference between working a recovery program and being a treatment professional, right? Would you agree with that, mm-hmm? You know, being the CPRS, is that what you know? Is that what stimulated the interest in becoming the late act? Now it's a more lengthy process, right that you're talking? More time, more training, more hours.
Speaker 3:My supervisor was actually in the late act training and was trying to get the hours and things like that, and I just asked questions, trying to figure out what it was about. And when I got more knowledge of what it was and I actually got to see it, you know working at Cumberland Heights and what people did as being a counselor or being a case manager, things like that you know I wanted that hands-on with people and I want to be able to. You know I'm more of a person that will say, hey, I can relate to you. You know I have empathy for you because I've been there. I know what it's like. And then, you know, being a late act, you have empathy without sharing your story and that's going to be hard for me.
Speaker 2:So one thing that you know we kind of touched on earlier, but the difference between working in recovery and working in recovery program how do you keep those separate? I have seen in my experience people's made the mistake of letting their job be their own in recovery versus working in a program. How do you separate the two? Do you? Is that a concern for you? Just your thoughts on that.
Speaker 3:It's not a concern for me anymore. But you know I'll be honest. You know I've been there. I did put my job as my recovery program. You know it didn't last long but I learned fairly quickly that it doesn't work. But you know, being a program monitor, taking the women to meetings, and you know, just being with them 24 seven, it's like I don't want to go to a meeting. I've been working all day in recovery and I wouldn't. And you know, eventually same thing would happen. I would get. You know, mentally I just would be thinking so much I'd start getting negative, you know, getting tired, and then I would get up, go to a meeting and it would just go away. And that's when I kind of realized, okay, I've got to make sure that I separate the two. And you know I'm kind of glad that I've had that experience because you know, I know now that it's I'm not gonna deal with that again.
Speaker 1:And what's that superpower of going to a meeting?
Speaker 3:Just being able to hear someone else's story, being told that I'm not alone and that somebody else is going through the exact same thing that I'm going through a lot of times, and you know, being able to hear that it's like okay, so it might. Just my story might not be as bad as what I'm thinking as it is.
Speaker 2:I know for myself, even if I because there's good, you know there's some meetings I get more out than others, but just walking across that threshold into the meeting is a constant reminder. I have a disease and the tough part is I have a disease that tells me I don't have a disease, and going to those meetings puts my perspective in place, that I'm not like everyone else. You know I don't have the luxury of drinking a beer or using just once, but also, like you said, that also it's a constant reminder. There's help for me. I don't have to be by myself. You know so, and that's one thing I love about Nashville it's a lot more people, but the recovery community is amazing. There's always a meeting going on somewhere and there's resources, and I do think that matters. You know I have the luxury.
Speaker 2:I've known you during your recovery process and I've seen the changes in you throughout the years. I remember how broken you were when you came to restoration. So you know, and it's a, it's nothing short of amazing. It's just a remarkable transformation into the person that I believe God wanted intended you to be. Would you say that? You know that you're the people that in your circle, like you know, family, your son. Have they been able to see those changes through the years?
Speaker 3:oh yeah, definitely. Especially when I went to go get visitation rights back for my son. Like being able to hear that judge say I don't need your sack of paperwork because your living proof that you've changed. I can see a huge difference. That that kind of gave me that confidence. And now, like I've never heard and I'm proud of you for my mom or my dad until after I got into recovery and started getting some clean time and the amount of trust that they have for me. I know that that's because of the work that I've put into myself. That's all they ever wanted for me. You know I will say that my circle is small. I keep it that way, kind of guarded, just because of the traumatic experiences. But it's been beneficial for me to be that way. But once I get to know you all open up more and I kind of prefer it to be that way well, I'm a big advocate that someone needs to prove their trust worthy before they get complete trust, you know.
Speaker 2:So I don't think there's anything wrong with, you know, having some. I've worked hard to build the life I have. I'm not so quick to allow someone to come in that life. That's unhealthy, so I need to see that they're a safe person. So I'm with you there so I always try. I know I think I asked you this last time, but just in case we have someone that listens to your story and and whether you know, I don't know if I mentioned this to you, but I have had someone contact me about hearing your story and they knew a young lady that was very similar and they direct them to the, the podcast. Now I don't know anything after that. I always do is plant the seed right. But if there was someone out there there's, you know a young woman that was in similar position and we see it a lot in early recovery, especially when with children and stuff that just they're at that point where they either want to die or they need a miracle. Is there anything that you would tell them?
Speaker 3:Nothing changes if nothing changes. And it's true like the definition of insanity is continuing to do the same thing and expecting a different result. No, you cannot change in your own power. But the first step is to just surrender and say, okay, I can't do this anymore, and ask for help. There is someone that's going to love you back to life and show you the way. And it can happen for anyone, because it happened to me and yeah well.
Speaker 2:Thanks, caitlin, for coming in sharing some more of your story. We hope to have you on in the future where we are going to look at some topic issues like relationships and early recovery and then relationships and long term recovery, so I think you'll be a definite asset on those conversations. But thanks, congratulations on the four years. It works. If you work it, miracles do happen.
Speaker 1:Caitlin, thanks for joining us today. To our listeners, thanks for being with us. We know every person's story is impactful and matters, so thanks for joining us.