Sturdy Girl
Join Jess Heiss, body image and performance coach, for conversations around body image, self-confidence and resilience (both mental and physical). Learn how to stop letting your appearance hold you back from living the big, rad life that you deserve.
Sturdy Girl
9. Defining Core Values Can Change Your Life
Ever wondered if you're living a life true to yourself or one that caters to others' standards and values? Our Sturdy Girl episode today will sail you through the process of identifying and embracing your core values, serving as your compass to navigate life's choices. Core values, as we'd like to argue, aren't just passing thoughts or emotions; they form the very foundation of your actions, shaping your decisions and resonating in your everyday life. We've even curated a list and a handy worksheet on our website, SturdyGirlCo, to get you started on your journey of self-discovery.
But the voyage doesn’t halt at identification, oh no! Think of your values as a pair of shoes: they should fit just right! We discuss how to transition these values into actions and reflect on instances that demonstrate them. Hear about an inspiring mindset shift that enabled one individual to live in alignment with their values. We'll also introduce you to Sally McCray, an ultra-runner who epitomizes resilience. By the end of our chat, we hope you find yourself questioning and reevaluating - are you crafting a life that's fulfilling to you, or simply living by others' benchmarks? So tune in, explore, and perhaps redefine your life through the lens of core values!
Download your core values worksheet here.
Listen to the interview with coach Gillian here.
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Stay Sturdy, friends.
Hello friends and welcome to Sturdy Girl, a podcast focused on strength, not size, where you'll hear conversations around healthy body image, cultivating confidence and being a resilient human in both body and mind. Sturdy Girl is the podcast where we shift the focus away from your appearance and on to living a big, rad life you deserve. Hello friends, and welcome to episode 9 of Sturdy Girl. Today, we are going to deviate a little bit from our usual discussion of body image, self-confidence, resilience, and we're going to talk about something equally as important and that is values-based living and learning to identify core values and live by them. Now, core values can be super powerful and super important, but I want to tell you this little story before we kind of jump into what core values are, how to apply them, all the fun stuff, and that is at the end of 2022, I sat down and I said okay, what kind of core values do I want to embody in 2023? And I decided that my core values were going to be growth, fun and boldness, with a really big focus on that growth piece. Now, for me, I decided like, oh yeah, there's personal growth, but I really wanted to grow ever while my coaching company and the universe said hold my beer and in just Q1 of this year I had tremendous, painful growth in just about every arena of my life. And so my caution to you jokingly, of course be careful what core values that you decide are most important to you, because you will start living those and then the universe will start responding to exactly what you put out there. I don't mean for that to sound woo, but it definitely was a big hold my beer moment and I had a lot of growth. And then the rest of the year, yeah, I've had fun and I've worked on boldness. Man, I've really worked on boldness. So there you are, fun personal anecdote to get us started.
Speaker 1:But let's dive in to core values. Let's start with what are core values? Simply put, core values are the principles, criteria and standards that can drive and guide our decisions, beliefs and actions. It's a strongly held belief about what is valuable to us, what is important or acceptable to us. Core values help us to know what we do and what we don't stand for. They help you to know what you want your life to look like, to feel like. They help us make better decisions for ourselves, for our lives, for others. Now think of this as kind of like your inner compass in your guide, and a lot of times when we're talking about values, it reminds people of corporate America, talking about a corporation or a company's core values. Well, there are similarities in guiding principles there. These are your own personal values and we are not talking at all about corporations. Please and thank you, these are the ones that you get to use as your own guide. So, again, core values they're like your inner compass.
Speaker 1:What good is this compass if it's just sitting in your pocket or if you don't know how to use it? How many times before have you thought about identifying your core values and you sit down and you look at a core values worksheet or Google core values and you're like, oh yeah, like being authentic is important to me Resilience, family connection, integrity right, when we start listing off all of these values that we resonate with and that's important, we want to do that. But then we leave it at that and we're like, okay, cool, I know what my core values are, and then we just move on. What good is that compass if it's sitting in your pocket or you don't know? Like, okay, resilience is a very important core value of mine, but how do I use this. That compass helps you navigate those decisions as you go along. They help you to live your life's purpose right. So that's what this episode is all about is not only identifying your core values, but it's also how to live them and make them worth your while. And, to that point, core values are more than just thoughts and feelings. These are the actions that you take, that you live out in everyday life. This is what we're focusing on here in this episode.
Speaker 1:So, thinking of core values right, I want you to start thinking about them. You're listening to this episode and you're like Jess, I feel so put on the spot. I can't think of any off the top of my head. So I got you. This is what you're going to do Go to sturdygirlco, forward, slash values or use the link in the show notes and download our non-exhausted list of core values and its accompanying worksheet. I got you. It is about 100 core values. Now you're going to use this list and you're going to peruse through and you're going to pick 10 to 15 values that really resonate with you. Now, if you're doing this as a follow along, hit pause on here, right, let's actually think about these. What actually resonates with you? Okay, did you hit pause Now from that list of 10 to 15 things?
Speaker 1:Think about the values that you've chosen. Then you're going to go through this list again and see if you can get it down to three to five that really just stand out. If you can't get this list below 10, perhaps look for values that are similar to others, like wholeheartedness and authenticity or strength and resilience. And if you're having trouble choosing things that resonate with you most, here are some questions to ask yourself. What is most important to you? What's most important to you and your relationship with yourself, with others, with friends and family? What matters to you most? What makes a good person according to you? What are their identifying traits and features? What do they value? When was the last time that you got really fired up about something? What kind of things piss you off? Because, if it helps, if you don't know what your core values are, start by crossing out the ones that they are not. Think about things that you don't want. Think about those things that do piss you off and think about how those are related to core values. These kinds of things can help you mull over.
Speaker 1:And the other thing I want to mention is your kind of brainstorming. If you want to pick strength or resilience, authenticity those very common ones, but still those that resonate with us right? A lot of us choose the value of family for a reason, but don't get too hung up on these just because you pick them doesn't mean they are forever, but we want to narrow things down to that three to five mark. Bernay Brown actually mentions in one of her podcasts that, after collecting over 500,000 pieces of data, she consistently saw people use this tool of values based living most effectively with only two core values. For the purposes of this episode, though, let's not stress about picking only two. Get it down to that three to five mark, and then let's continue on. And one more piece of this as we are giving space for mulling over these values, it might be helpful to think about this.
Speaker 1:If you were a character in a book, how would you want to be described? If you were able to hear your best friend give your eulogy, what would you want to hear them say? No, seriously, pause and think about this for a minute, because I don't know about you. I am a voracious reader, and it really resonated with me the first time I ever heard this example of how would I want someone to describe me in a book, Because maybe this is helpful, maybe not, but if I were to give my own answer, I'd want to be described as someone who was resilient and curious, someone that lived wholeheartedly. Those are my core values that I aim to truly focus on and embody, and I'd also, honestly, just envision the book version of myself, as you know, a tiny bit sassy, with an obsession with reading, but that really doesn't fit into this discussion of core values. Moving on, since I'm sharing so openly my own core values, that wholeheartedness, that curiosity, right, I'd be remiss if we didn't talk about this evolution of my own personal values, Because this framework of values-based decision making, which we'll get to the active decision making part in just a minute, has really shaped my life for the better.
Speaker 1:It's changed the way I talk to myself and interact with the world. You know I've shared about being a long distance runner for a decade. While I still love running and there are a lot of good, great, amazing things that has brought me, my mindset around running was this Run to be smaller, eat only to fuel my body and push myself to stay disciplined. I did this all in the name of quote, unquote health Because, in my mind, I was being healthy by running five to six days a week, lifting five days a week, eating around 100 grams of carbs a day, because that's what was healthy at the time and promoted. Having consumed my life, getting smaller, consumed my life, and when I was finally able to pull back to look at my life, my actions, the things I did on a regular basis through the lens of what I truly valued, which at the time, for me, was community, connection, growth, health, I was not living in accordance with these values at all, and so it was a really big shift to understand that all these things that I thought were supposed to improve my life were actually making me really miserable. So I don't know if we use that as a cautionary tale or just from the point of even if we're aware of values, we might not be aware that we're living those values. So at this point, you've selected your core values. For the time being, you have your three to five.
Speaker 1:Can you think about any behaviors that demonstrate the value you're trying to embody this? This is how we can start putting it into action. Right, If we have that compass, we are learning how to use it. Can you think of a particular person that lives this value? Can you think of a time when you demonstrated this value? These parts, these questions right now are so important for us to be able to apply said value. If you value resilience, what does it look like to put it into action, Is it? I am demonstrating resilience by continuing to show up for my runs as I train for this race, getting out on the trails and conquering that vert, even if it's power hiking. I am building resilience. Is there a person that we know that just is the embodiment of resilience? Now, I don't know if you follow Sally McCray. I think her Instagram is yellow runner. She would be an embodiment of a resilient human, mad ass ultra runner tackling crazy 200 mile races. That takes a certain level of physical and mental resilience. Can you think of a time when you demonstrated this value? Right, If your value is resilience, what did that look like when you did it? Because if you can reflect on times that you demonstrated it, it's going to be easier to call to mind later when we're talking about this values based decision making.
Speaker 1:In episode six, we interviewed Jillian from the bite size nutrition podcast. If you haven't listened to this episode, I highly recommend going back and listening to this rad life chat that Jillian and I have about body image, our body image story, beliefs, values. But she likened values and figuring out our core values to trying on shoes. In fact, in this 45 minute interview I think she used three different shoe analogies and I freaking loved it. So values are like shoes. Some shoes are really cute but don't fit right. Some are fun to walk around in it first, but ultimately give you blisters by the end of the day. Maybe you choose the wrong shoes for the occasion. Putting converse on with your cocktail dress, you might try on a pair of shoes that you want to love. You've seen so many other people in these shoes, but they just don't fit right and you get so frustrated. That's what I can feel like trying on different values. Allow yourself to walk around in your values, embrace the ones that fit and perhaps donate the ones that don't, Because these core values, they're practiced every day. We put shoes on every day when we leave the house, or at least most of us do.
Speaker 1:These core values, it's not a set it and forget it situation. You use these core values as a filter with which to take action. Think of a decision that you've had to make recently or one that you need to make soon. You get to ask yourself is this a decision or action that aligns with my values? Is this a line with the version of myself that I want to live and be the best version, or my favorite version? Now, I say favorite version for a reason, because a lot of times, the rhetoric you'll see online is to be your best self and your higher self, and that can feel unattainable. So I like to think of these values as leading to creating the favorite version of you. What does that favorite version do? Because our favorites can change, but we're always working towards being a better version of ourselves and continuing to improve. So favorite best living out our core values.
Speaker 1:So I want to ask you this what story do you tell yourself? Are you living a life that is fulfilling to you or are you living in accordance with other people's standards and values? Because if you ever really asked yourself, what do I want? What do I really want out of my life? What do I value? What do I want to do? How do I want to feel? These things you say are important to you, but are you acting in accordance with that? What are you actually doing on a regular basis? If you value family and you can't remember the last time you called your mom do you value family? Is it demonstrated in your actions? That's the whole point of this. You can say you value something, but what do those actions look like? Run yourself through what is going on in your life. What are you doing on a regular basis that aligns with your values? What are you doing that doesn't align with your values?
Speaker 1:Bring awareness, Take away the judgment. It's just this acknowledgement piece of. We often get stuck on autopilot or just going through the motions. This happens. We're human. The point of this exercise isn't to shame ourselves or judge ourselves for the actions or inactions. It's to say I want to embody these values. What do actionable items look like to make that a reality? If you realize that these things are out of alignment, take a look at what things you can change, what things you can't and what work is required to get there. Let's talk about that awareness piece for a second. It's a word that's come up a lot more in my life recently, From taking KC Orvitas' Health Mindset Coaching Cert to reading extensively about acceptance and commitment therapy. The simple act of bringing awareness to something is so powerful. And now, in dentistry I talk a lot about bringing awareness to the position of your jaw throughout the day to decrease frequency of clenching and grinding.
Speaker 1:When we bring awareness to our thoughts and the subsequent actions we take, this awareness is simply an acknowledgement of those thoughts and then the space that comes after that. So let's use an example. Let's say your friends ask you to go out on a Saturday night. Sounds fun, right, it's the weekend, you don't work Sunday. But guess what? We're training for a marathon and we're getting close to peaking and Sunday is our long run day.
Speaker 1:In that moment you have a choice. The first thing here is to recognize that choice Awareness. Remember there is space between your thoughts about the matter and your decision, Because your brain in that moment might be going a million miles an hour the guilt of saying no, the worry of being rested and prepared for your long run. Right, you have both sides. We want to spend time with our friends, we want to be fun, we want to be that person that goes out on Saturday nights, but we also want to race a marathon. We want to go into the race while rested, while fueled, recovered, as close to injury-free as possible.
Speaker 1:So, when you think about making the decision to go out, what do we do? When we have a set of core values, we can use these to review any time we need to make these kinds of decisions. So you're that marathon runner. What do you do? You review those core values and maybe you reflect on your core value of authenticity. You take a deep breath and decide to stay in, explaining to your friends your big goal to run a marathon and cross the finish line without injury.
Speaker 1:Now, these values-based decisions are context-dependent. Just because you decided to refrain from going out on a Saturday night one time doesn't mean you're always going to say no to staying out late on a Saturday. What season are you in and how do these values align? That is the key here. If we're going to like star star star, the whole episode, values are context-dependent and also I'm going to say seasonal. Right, but those values can change. You are not tied to your values forever. Your best version of you is what we're working towards here. If that idea of the best version of you changes over time, so too can your values. Try on a different pair of shoes.
Speaker 1:And the last piece to core values and values-based decision making is self-reflection. Now, if you've listened to any other episode of Sturdy Girl, you will know how important self-compassion is and the importance of reflection. This is much like my current clients do each week when they check in. So I coach runners, I coach lifters and I also do performance nutrition and I have my athletes every single week send me a form checking in on their week. Now this form is for me as much as it is for them and they reflect on their runs, their lifts, their nutrition, how well it went together, their biofeedback, and then they look at were their opportunities for improvement where things went really well? You can do this for your values.
Speaker 1:Set aside regular time to reflect on how it went trying to apply these values that you've chosen, how it went putting them into action. Think about how you want to check in with yourself and see if the shoes I mean values are fitting, Do they fit well in your life and what you want out of it. Use curiosity to guide this. This is really so important. It allows us to set aside time to reflect to say is this a value that I want to guide my life by? Maybe your value of faith worked for you in the past, but maybe the value of connection is coming to the forefront for you, so that that's what you want to focus on embodying, going forward. There's nothing wrong with this, right?
Speaker 1:So, before this episode ends, I want you to decide the when, the where and the how of that self-reflection piece. Is it weekly, Is it monthly, Is it a journal session? Is it just a quick bit in your notes app? Have an actionable way to check in with yourself to say is this core value worth embodying? Does this fit into my life? This part is going to be even more. It's like the course correction, right? You're following along on a map, You've got your compass guiding you and all of a sudden you realize you've had your map upside down because that value isn't aligning as well. There's nothing wrong with that. But that self-reflection piece powerful, so awesome, Because this, this, friends, living our best lives, living by our core values this is how we live that big, rad life, the one here at Sturdy Girl that we care so damn deeply about you finding and living. That's why this episode is part of the first season. No, it's not about body image, but damn if it doesn't help you live a better life. So let's recap.
Speaker 1:Download your core values worksheet from sturdygirlco. Choose 10 to 15 values that resonate with you. Narrow that down to 3 to 5. And then start trying them on like shoes See which one fits into your life and the life you want to live. Ask yourself those questions what is most important to you? What do you want? These are your own values and standards for living your best life, and no one else's. All right friends, that is all I have for you today.
Speaker 1:Another solo episode I hope you enjoyed. It has been so much fun recording these for you. I love the messages I'm getting and I would love to hear from you. If you pick your 3 to 5 core values, send me a message on Instagram at Sturdy Girl underscore. Send me an email. Hello at Sturdy Girlco. I want to hear them. I'd love for you to share actions that you're going to take to embody these values. Bonus points for that. So stoked you're here. I'll talk to you next Wednesday. Stay Sturdy friends. If you enjoyed this podcast episode, please feel free to follow, subscribe, like whatever the heck you do with podcasts. As always, stay sturdy friends and I'll talk to you next week.
