How Skateboarding Taught Me Self-Trust

Ever felt like you don't trust yourself? Wondered why you feel nervous or scared when talking in front of others? In this episode, I share the tools that helped me learn deeper-self-trust - and they aren't what you might think! Join in the journey as I lead you through my personal encounters and the innovative methods I used to rebuild self-trust. From Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) and somatic therapy to journaling and skateboarding, the avenues to self-discovery are as diverse as they are enlightening.

Imagine standing onstage, guitar in hand, ready to strum out your soul. Picture the thrill of going off-script in an impromptu performance, each word a testament to your growing self-trust. My experiences with improv classes, learning to play the guitar, and attending soul-stirring Kirtan events have bolstered my confidence and faith in my voice. It's an exhilarating, transformative journey, and I can't wait to share with you the wisdom gleaned and insights gained.

But the story doesn't end there. Let's delve into the fascinating world of interconnectedness, a realm where our voice frequency can reverberate and impact our surroundings. We'll unravel the hidden significance of impatience, a tell-tale sign of self-distrust lurking beneath the surface. Learn how to cultivate patience and use tools like the Triple Flame App to practice mindfulness and reset your focus. Let's embark on this journey together and amplify our self-trust. Life is more enjoyable when we're patient, present, and fully trusting in our own capabilities.

Triple Flame app: https://genekeys.com/resource/the-triple-flame/

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:02

Welcome to the Receptive Impact Podcast. I'm your host, nina Elise. Hi, friends, in today's episode I'm going to be talking about trust, so more specifically self-trust, and I'm going to talk about my journey of realizing when I didn't trust myself and the things that I have done in order to build that self-trust back up within me, and the fun and the not so fun things and realizations that I have had in that journey to get me to where I am at today. So, to start off, self-trust is something that we don't really think about, but it can show up in so many different ways in our lives. One of the biggest ways that it can show up is in impatience, because it's like we have this distrust that things are not working out in the perfect timing or the perfect order. And it can also show up in the way that your body begins to kind of turn on you when you're in a situation that seems scary and uncertain. And as I started to become more aware of this more specifically in the last year or so, I realized that the reason why I struggled to trust people and open myself up to them was because I was deeply lacking a sense of self-trust within myself, and so when I had this realization. It was just like, oh my God, how do I begin to cultivate that? And there are things that you can do in this 3D world that can help you gain confidence in yourself and to trust yourself again. And so, for me, the way that I approached that was through a bunch of different modalities. Something I talk about a lot is EFT, tapping through somatic therapy, through journaling, doing small things here and there that it's almost like I'm re-parenting myself in a way where I'm very gentle with myself and I don't force myself to do things because I feel like I have to or I should work past this, or I'm going to do this because I should trust myself, but my nervous system is telling me otherwise. Well, I need to go to the nervous system first and calm that down and get to the root of the reason why it feels like that before I can really safely step into something or take a big leap into trusting myself on a deeper level. So for me, when I became aware of this, it was very much like okay, what are ways that I can trust myself?

Speaker 1: 2:38

And one of the things that I did was I decided to learn how to skateboard, and for me this was something that required a lot of self-trust, like a trust in my body that I could balance and find control on the board. The more that I practiced and at first I was like fully geared up and had helmets on and like wrist guards and like all of these things and I felt like a total child. But for me I was like I'm so determined, but there was almost like this softness within me that was like I'm going to go easy and I'm going to be kind to myself. So it was almost like I was stepping into this place of like I'm just going to be a kid for a little bit and I'm going to approach me as the child but then also like an overarching part of me as a parent that's kind of like watching over and kind of guiding me to do these different things. And so when I decided to learn how to skateboard, it was like, okay, I have my friend made one form, made a skateboard for me, and he gave me like a couple lessons and then I would go and practice on my own and on these back streets and I went very slowly and it was something that I just showed up every single day doing, like it was fun, but it was challenging. But it also forced me to be very present with myself and I realized that part of the reason why I was not trusting myself was because I was living in my head and I wasn't able to be fully present in each moment to be able to listen to what my body needed or to listen intuitively how I needed to make decisions or how I needed to move forward with things. So the actual act of me learning how to skateboard and learning how to trust my body was just kind of like this totally like out there thing that you wouldn't even think about, like it obviously doesn't have to be skateboarding, it could be anything that you're interested in or that kind of catches your eye.

Speaker 1: 4:30

But for me, skateboarding became like this very meditative place where I learned how to go slow and be kind to myself when I fell off the board or I was doing things and I was learning how to turn and some people would be watching me and I'd be like, oh my gosh, I feel like an idiot, like I'm like this grown ass woman that's teaching herself how to skateboard. But I just had to laugh at it because I was like, no, this is my world, I'm doing this for myself and I just kind of pretended that no one else existed outside of me and it was just like I was almost like in this vacuum where I was. You know, it was a safe space for me to learn how to do this. And then, over time, it was like, as I got more confident skating on the board and I learned how to trust my body more and more and I developed more of those muscles to keep my balance and I learned the nuances of like just these subtle shifts of my body or my feet in order to make a turn and to do something.

Speaker 1: 5:24

I started to venture out, farther out of those back streets and I started to go a little bit more on, like the open road and the sidewalks, and then I started to go more on the back roads and it wasn't like I was doing this when there was a lot of traffic On the roads, it was. I started to learn you know when are the busiest times and I live in a pretty small, small town, so it's easier for me to go down the back streets because there isn't a lot of traffic there. But it was something that I was able to slowly build self-trust in my body and that was incredibly helpful for me to gain confidence in how I hold myself and how I approach things. And I was able to learn more about myself and how I approach things, even just like standing in front of people giving a speech or talking, like there's a noticeable shift in the way that I was like holding my body, because there was more confidence and trust in my body, because I was consciously doing this new thing, a skateboarding that allowed me to, you know, feel more grounded and safe within my body, to know that I could trust myself, even in these moments that felt unstable or when I was approaching or trying things that didn't feel good. And I learned that, you know, in order to trust myself, there has to be a level of deep patience and there has to be this level of like soft parenting that's happening in your mind instead of being hard on yourself, because I think when we don't trust ourselves, we're constantly judging ourselves and saying, oh, why can't you do this, or there's something wrong with me or whatever, and it creates this whole thought loop that prevents you from letting go and releasing and stepping out of that fear and stepping into a more embodied version of yourself where you feel more confident and you can actually trust yourself. So skateboarding has actually become something that I really, really love to do. It's something like if I'm feeling stressed out or like I just need to go play for a little bit, I just hop on my board and I just go down the streets and I might put on a podcast, or I might just go skate without any distractions or anything, and I go out there for a half hour hour or so and just kind of skate down the streets without anywhere, any specific destination in mind, and it's very grounding for me and it's very meditative for me in that sense. So that was like one of the first things that I did when I really started to realize I didn't trust myself.

Speaker 1: 7:43

And another thing that I did was take a. I think it was like a 12 week improv course and I've taken improv classes in the past in my 20s, but this is when I lived in South Florida and there were like all these serious actors and actresses and the improv coach was like this well-known, very well-known in the acting world, and it was very intimidating for me, especially someone who had very low self-confidence and didn't trust or believe in herself and was just kind of like lost in that time period of my life. And so when I decided to do improv this time it was in a smaller town, it was much more relaxed. You had a lot of people who had never done improv or acting or anything before in the group, and so for me it felt like a safer space. It still felt uncomfortable, but my intention going into it was I wanted to learn how to trust myself, to be on the spot and to allow what comes up to come up and then remove the judgment from it and just have fun with it. So there was that level of it. And then there were other layers of like oh, I wanna learn how to communicate with other people and learn how to piece like basically storytell and I'll actually do another podcast episode on my whole improv class and like what it really, what it really did for me and all of my intentions for going into it. But for the purpose of this podcast episode I'm just gonna talk about the self-trust aspect.

Speaker 1: 9:04

And so when I started doing the improv classes, it was like there were so many cringe moments where and if you've ever done anything like this before like you know what I'm talking about no-transcript, especially improv you go and you just step up and you go into the scene and it could be. There's like hundreds of different exercises improv exercises that you can do. So if you've ever seen who's Line is it anyway, it's like they draw something out of the hat and then two people step up and create a scene or whatever, or like there's something called like freeze tag and you're not looking at the scene behind you and then you go into the scene on the spot and you have to like jump into the scene and then start something new and create this new story and like so things like that. And when I first started, it was like there were so many moments where I would step into a scene and I would say something and I'd be like what the fuck, nina, why did you just say that? And I'm cracking up now because then it'd be like for the next 30 to 45 minutes it was two and a half hour class I would just be like totally dwelling on that moment where I'm like why did that come out of my mouth?

Speaker 1: 10:10

Like what part of my unconscious did this come from and why is it there? And it's like almost like I had to experience those cringe moments to be like, okay, this sucks in the moment, but over time, like you forget about it, like you think about it and you might dwell about that, that thing that you said for the next half hour, hour, rest of your day or whatever, however traumatic it was to you, but everyone else has forgotten about it. They have moved on to the next thing. And so the more that I went to the classes and the more cringy things that I was saying and allowing to come up out of me, the more it became less scary for me, because it was that repetition of doing it over and over again. To be like, oh, okay, maybe this isn't something to be so scared of and maybe I can actually trust what's coming out of me and maybe, like 100% of the time, it's not going to be this funny thing, it's just going to be whatever. Like that's why it's why it's called improv, you know. So you literally have no idea like what's going to come up out of you. Like it's just, you are learning how to deeply trust that whatever comes up is going to make sense in the moment, and maybe sometimes it doesn't and it's not funny and that's totally okay. So you learn how to get comfortable with, like the so-called failures and not be so afraid of it.

Speaker 1: 11:23

So over the course of those 12 weeks we had to go deeper into learning how to like trust yourself more on the spot in different ways. And then I started to realize that improv wasn't just about, you know, self-trust, and it was more about telling a story and communicating and like helping other people as they're going along the scene with you. And again, I'll do another episode on this because it was just so impactful in such subtle ways and just sticking with it was something that really helped improve my confidence and build just more self-trust within myself. Because at the end of end of those 12 weeks we did like a showcase where we went on stage and we did all of these improv classes and surprisingly, it wasn't as terrifying as I thought it was. So it just goes to show that, like the scariest things, when we put ourselves in these positions where we're kind of like beginners or we don't know ourselves or that we, that we can't trust ourselves, and the more that we do it over and over again, it becomes something that's normalized. So it's just like anything like, say, you're trying to break a habit or you're trying to switch a belief system to something else, or you're trying to step into a new character, identity that you haven't been before. Well, that's going to require being honest and looking at what's in front of you and what, what you have within you at the moment.

Speaker 1: 12:42

In this, this case, it was lack of self-trust and then rewiring that neurological connection in your mind to say, okay, what are things that I can do that can slowly build up that self-trust within me? So those were two really big things that I did, um, or seemingly big or small. However, however you may perceive that everyone may perceive those things differently, but those were really big things that helped me personally start to build my, my confidence and my self-trust in myself. And another thing that I did was I, you know, I played the guitar and I've always, always played alone, by myself, because it was something that I love, the challenge of I love doing it on my own. I've always, like, really secretly looked up to and just been so envious of people who have that confidence to sing and share their voice and to play guitar, like it was always like this, like magical thing.

Speaker 1: 13:37

And so when I learned, picked up a guitar I don't know, it was like eight or nine years ago I can't believe it's been that long and I was, you know, learning how to play off and on. I just basically learned by watching YouTube and over time I was I didn't have a voice, like I didn't. I sounded like a dying cat. I'm just going to be fought out. On a honest, I sounded terrible but because I stuck with it, I learned how to build that trust in my voice and I learned how to tone my vocal chords to the song that I was playing on the guitar and I learned how to find my voice and I learned how to trust that, the actual like sounds that were coming out of my my, my mouth. So playing the guitar was another thing that I did and I showed up continuously for because I genuinely enjoyed it.

Speaker 1: 14:21

But it was something that I developed trust in myself and and so the last few years, I started going to Kirtan and if you're not familiar with Kirtan, it's like basically this setting where people come and they bring like a harmonium or an instrument, or guitar, violin or whatever instrument that you want to, you want to play or just your voice, like that. That's an instrument in itself and you you're seeing mantras and you're seeing you're seeing different songs and every Kirtan might be different depending on where you go, but this one studio that I went to, it was a mix of western and eastern like ways of Kirtan, of like expressing and singing songs. So it wasn't like, oh, we're just gonna sing this mantra and and sanskrit and, like you know, sing songs about deities and and all of these things. It was more like you could show up and you can sing a different song that was beautiful, that you loved, and so when I started going there, I would bring my guitar and it was like terrifying, because I'm like, oh my god, I've never like sang in front of anyone. I didn't trust my voice.

Speaker 1: 15:22

But it was like every month I would show up to the kirtan and I would be like, okay, I'm going to learn a song for the kirtan and I'm going to practice it a million times until I feel confident that my voice sounds like semi-okay. And then, like I would show up and I would sing and I would be like shaking and sweating so bad and everyone would be like, oh my gosh, that's wonderful and amazing. And then that started to like boost my confidence because I was putting myself out there even though I was still had that fear and I didn't feel like I trusted myself because I'm like, oh, my voice is going to crack or, like you know, I'm going to like mess up this guitar chord, which both of those things happened Like I wasn't perfect, but again it was putting myself in that position to fail or to not do good and realize that there's it's actually okay for me to trust whether I do something right or not, and so it's like you're learning to not only trust yourself but you're also learning how to love yourself and appreciate yourself unconditionally by putting yourself in those situations. So over the course of the last few years, as I was going to all of those kirtans and like playing music in front of other people, it was like I started to gain more confidence because I was trusting myself to speak and to sing in those environments. So today, like for me playing the guitar in front of people, I still get nervous, I still shake, I still sweat, but I have found ways for my voice to develop because of the practice and that self trust that I've cultivated within myself over time to show up and my voice has completely transformed and changed and I have been able to find my range that I can sing in and have learned how to make songs my own instead of trying to sound like someone else. And so I learned how to trust my own voice by experimenting and trying different things through, like vocal toning or like singing songs, but like maybe moving the capo down one or two notches and singing at a lower or higher voice and kind of experimenting with that to see what is me like, what is within me that I can trust. Because it was like I was going for everything external outside of me and it wasn't feeling right and I learned how to not trust that and which meant I couldn't trust myself. But the more that I came back to myself, the more I learned how to trust myself. So those were some really big things that I learned how to to develop and cultivate deeper trust within myself. And there is one more thing that I want to share, or maybe two things.

Speaker 1: 17:45

So I think this was like three, four years ago maybe, when I was really doing a lot of plant medicine and this was something that kind of like. Kind of like hit me hard. I had just done like I don't know six or something ayahuasca ceremonies in the span of like one or two months and was still kind of like integrating all of that. The medicine was still kind of like, you know, swirling inside of you. Who've ever done plant medicine, you know what I'm talking about. It's something that it takes time to integrate but you're still kind of like in that space when you've sat with the medicine and it takes a while for you to kind of like come back down from that.

Speaker 1: 18:21

And I had went on a trip to Mount Rainier this is when I was living in Washington at the time and I'd gone out there and rented an Airbnb and the person I was with we went and we went and bought some like a, some marijuana and we went and sat at our Airbnb outside we're like in the middle of nowhere, and there was this fire and and we just sat there and we smoked and I kind of played my guitar a little bit and the reason why I mentioned that I had done ayahuasca the month prior is because it was still kind of like in my system. So when we actually smoked the marijuana it affected me differently than it had in the past and I was just kind of sitting there and at one moment I realized like the interconnectedness of the entire world and like the whole fabric of this, like how we're all connected and how much we like deeply impact each other and the perfection of it, like, if you're familiar with the butterfly effect. That's kind of like what I experienced. So, as I was sitting there and I was talking to this person that was next to me, it was like I could literally like see and feel the vibration of my voice and watch it travel across to that other person and hit them. So my vibration and like of my voice was hitting them and I realized like the tone and the frequency of my voice was having an effect on him. And in that moment I started to realize and to see how even just the tone of our voice, how that can have an impact and have this butterfly effect on everything around me, not just a person I'm talking to, but that frequency is hitting a plant, it's hitting an animal, it's hitting everything around us and it just showed me the interconnectedness of everything in that moment and it honestly like fucked me up for like a week straight because it was like so profound when I realized like how interconnected everything was and that was like a very big like moment for me where I realized how much I can actually trust what's coming out of me or like the actual responsibility of what I'm saying and what I'm speaking. And that requires a deep level of trust that what I'm saying and what I'm speaking is actually going to be a benefit. And then the funny aspect or the irony of this is that it doesn't matter and I think that's and this is why I'm sharing this with you because at the end of the day, it doesn't matter if you fail, because that's just your perception. It doesn't matter if you succeed, because that's just your perception Like it's just learning to just trust yourself and be okay with whatever is and whatever is coming up for you. And so that was something that was really big for me, that was a really profound moment and just like makes me laugh when I think about it, because I was just sitting there and just watching like the vibrations of everything just going and hitting everything. It was just so wild.

Speaker 1: 21:23

So one more thing I want to talk about with you guys is impatience, and this is something that I've actually been exploring a lot lately because, if anyone knows me, I'm like in the past, I am like, oh, I want to go do this and I'm very impatient and I just don't. I don't want to wait for things to unfold and the perfect timing. So I've been studying recently, going back into my Jean Keys, and one of my Jean Keys is Jean Key 5. And this is actually my conscious earth and my human design chart. If you're familiar with this and again just as a background, if you don't know anything about human design or Jean Keys, that's totally fine. This is actually something that resides within you, whether it's in your chart or not. It's embedded in you on a cellular level, in your DNA, and so this is something that you can experience, but maybe it not necessarily be like a main focus in this lifetime that you're here to experience if you don't have it in your chart. But I just wanted to say that because I feel like this is relevant for anyone who's listening.

Speaker 1: 22:22

So, with a specific gate or this Jean Key, like the shadow aspect of it, is impatient. And as I was exploring and reading more about this Jean Key, I realized that impatience is one of my biggest lessons in this lifetime, because in the past I've just constantly rushed to get things done, even like putting together this podcast, or when I was doing my rebranding earlier this year, or you know, when I'm learning something new, like when I was learning how to skateboard I was like I want to learn how to do this and I want to be the best at it. And it was like there's this deep impatience where I was like I have to put all my attention on this for 24, seven, for a week after a week, when in reality, it's just like being patient and trusting and knowing that everything will turn out in the right timing, in the right way, and the actual enjoyment is to pause when you're feeling impatient and just say, okay, how can I be present in this moment and enjoy this? Because the point of life is to enjoy the journey. And when we're being impatient, there is this underlying deep distrust in not only yourself, but just in the way that the universe works and the divine timing and perfection of life. And so contemplating and sitting with this, this gene key, was very impactful for me to be like okay, like where am I feeling this impatience? And I was feeling it in my nervous system, like there was like this underlying tension in my body, especially when I felt like, oh, I had a list of things to do or I want to learn this and I want to get better at this, but I felt like it was taking so long and it was like can I see where I'm breathing shallow, more shallow? Can I? Can I see where I'm holding tension in my chest and my body, where I'm just like I'm not able to just fully, fully relax Because in my mind I've got all these other things to do and these things that I want to do and accomplish all of these things. And I think when you really start to embody this feeling of self-trust, it's like you can really fully relax.

Speaker 1: 24:20

You can lean into patience which is the actual gift of this jean key and you're able to sit and be present and actually enjoy every moment. Because if you're impatient, it's like you're not enjoying the moment, and then every single moment that you're not enjoying it adds up to all of the moments of your entire life, and at the end of your life you're like, oh my god, I couldn't even enjoy that moment because I was constantly worrying about how this was going to turn out or wanting to get this done right away, and it's like a total waste of life when you look at it from that perspective. And so when you learn how to lean into and trust yourself, you can actually start to enjoy life. And this is something that I have really been sitting with for the past years or so and really been learning how to lean into. And, of course, it's uncomfortable and it's weird because it's not like a normal thing that you're really necessarily aware of. But for me personally not exploring this idea of this lack of self-trust this was something that really came up for me, and the more that I lean into that, it's like wow, we really are timeless beings and that's actually the city of this.

Speaker 1: 25:33

Jean key is timelessness, because when you're fully present, it's like time doesn't exist. Time matters and when we can be there fully in the present moment and actually enjoy it, it will get done, and we trust that it will get done over time, but we're actually going to enjoy the process and the journey of it. And so I don't know if this resonates with you or if you have this in your chart or you don't have this in your chart, but it is something to definitely sit with and contemplate and reflect on and say, okay, where may I be impatient in my life and how is this prohibiting me from being fully present and how can I slow down? And a lot of times that, for me, is doing something very meditative and I actually do pauses throughout the day. I don't know if anyone's familiar with the app that Richard Rudd has. You can download it on any phone and it's called the Triple Flame app and you can set timers for when you sit and you have your pauses and it's literally like anywhere from one minute to 10 minutes that you can take this pause. But basically it just resets you and gets you out of your head and back into your body.

Speaker 1: 26:38

And for me, I have cultivated that practice and it's like helped me pull me back into the present moment and to see, oh, this is where I'm holding tension in my body and this is where I'm being impatient and this is not where I'm trusting myself. And it can be, you know, sitting in that stillness. It can be sitting in a contemplation, it can be going and skateboarding, it can be gardening, it can be going for a ride on your motorcycle, because that's meditative for you, because, again, you're getting out of your head and you're getting back into the present moment and you're trusting yourself to be in that present moment and not worry about anything that has happened in the past or that might potentially happen in the future, because that doesn't even exist. You can just be in the moment, and that is when creativity can be birthed through you. That is when source can work through you, when you are in that present moment and that is where you learn how to trust deeply.

Speaker 1: 27:25

And I'm not saying this is something that's going to happen overnight. Like I said, this is something that I have been exploring and leaning into for the past year or so, more so the last few months. It is a process, because it feels uncomfortable, just like anything when you're learning something new and you're rewiring this new belief system or this new way of being, and so, again, you're going to need patience for this process of learning how to be patient and learning how to trust yourself, which is the funny part of it. So I think that's all that I have to say to you guys. That feels pretty complete, and I hope that you enjoyed this journey that I have taken you on today and my experience with learning how to cultivate self-trust within myself.

Speaker 1: 28:08

And if anything resonated with you or something really stood out to you, please feel free to share this with your friends and your family or post on social media or leave a review about what your favorite part was. That really helps with getting my podcast being seen by more people. And also, I just want to say thank you. Thank you so much for tuning in. I really appreciate the fact that you spend the time to sit here and listen to my voice and what I have to say. It just means so, so much to me. So thanks again and I will see you guys on the next episode. All right, thanks.