Pride Stories: The Podcast
Defying Doubts and Embracing Change: Ace's Story
In this episode of Pride Stories, we delve into the life of Ace Baker Steel, a passionate filmmaker and proud member of the LGBTQ+ community. Growing up in Rochester, Minnesota, Ace shares their transformative journey from discovering their bisexual identity to coming out as transgender and finding peace within their true self. With a deep affinity for dinosaurs and a unique perspective shaped by autism, Ace's story intertwines personal acceptance with the power of community. Join us as Ace reflects on their experiences of coming out, the unwavering support of their wife and family, and the joy of creating inclusive spaces through film and sports. This heartfelt narrative invites us all to embrace authenticity and respect in our everyday lives.
Are you ready to share your Pride Story? Visit https://wetellwell.com/pride-stories-podcast to learn more.
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In this episode of Pride Stories, we delve into the life of Ace Baker Steel, a passionate filmmaker and proud member of the LGBTQ+ community. Growing up in Rochester, Minnesota, Ace shares their transformative journey from discovering their bisexual identity to coming out as transgender and finding peace within their true self. With a deep affinity for dinosaurs and a unique perspective shaped by autism, Ace's story intertwines personal acceptance with the power of community. Join us as Ace reflects on their experiences of coming out, the unwavering support of their wife and family, and the joy of creating inclusive spaces through film and sports. This heartfelt narrative invites us all to embrace authenticity and respect in our everyday lives.
Are you ready to share your Pride Story? Visit https://wetellwell.com/pride-stories-podcast to learn more.
FOLLOW US!
Website: wetellwell.com
Instagram: @wetellwell
Facebook: facebook.com/wetellwell
Even if you're not in the LGBT community, just having your own little community or group can really help impact, I think, your mental health, emotional health too. And, honestly, if it weren't for the LGBT community, their acceptance and me knowing that I'm not alone, I honestly don't know if I would honestly be here today without the LGBT community and without my wife and the support of my family and friends LGBT community, and without my wife and the support of my family and friends. So I think having that community and knowing is really really important for everybody, not just the LGBT community.
Speaker 2:Welcome to Pride Stories, the podcast, where we celebrate the entire spectrum of experiences that make up the LGBTQ plus community. I'm your host, max Crangan from Tellville Story Cohen Studio On this podcast. We're committed to creating a safe, supportive and inspiring space for our guests and listeners alike, so join us as we explore the heartwarming, sometimes painful and always inspired stories that make us who we are, and always inspired stories that make us who we are. Ace, welcome to Pride Stories the podcast. Thank you so much for joining us. We're so excited to hear more about you and your Pride story. Thank you for having me. I'm really excited, awesome. So, ace, I don't know you super well. I met you last night at the movie theater, which was so funny. But to start with, can you just tell us who is Ace?
Speaker 1:Well, I am originally from Rochester, minnesota, but I came here for school. I got a degree in film production, actually, and I work in a movie theater. So I kind of like to keep to myself. Most times I don't really go out a whole lot, but when I do I'm just kind of like a quirky little self. Times I don't really go out a whole lot, but when I do like I'm just kind of like a quirky little self. I love dinosaurs. I could give, I could give you a whole like good hour presentation on dinosaurs if I wanted to. But yeah, I met my wife here and so now we live in Fargo and just live in the dream, pretty much that's awesome.
Speaker 2:And so you, you came here for school. You came to Fargo Moorhead school and where did you come from? Like, what are the early days of Ace look like?
Speaker 1:I always really loved movies and seeing movies on the big screen. I'm like I kind of want to do that and I love telling stories too. So I was just like let's go to school for film. But I also was kind of like I don't know what I want to really look for for school because I can't afford a whole lot. So I was like MSUM, let's do that, go dragons. Yeah, In terms of like the LGBT group and all that, I have two great aunts that are a lesbian couple.
Speaker 1:But, like, growing up, lgbt topics were just never really discussed at home, like my family's all very accepting, but we just never really talked about it. So I kind of just, I guess, assumed that was just like the norm, that oh, everybody has two aunts that live together, cool. I never really talked. We got talked about it but the first time I ever actually really heard the word lesbian.
Speaker 1:I was very much a tomboy growing up. I liked to like play football and recess and mess around with the guys. I was wrestling with the neighborhood kids and one of the guys was like Ace, you're a lesbian and I took that as an offense. I was like are you making fun of me? Like what? I went home crying. I was like this guy called me a lesbian. I don't know what it means. And my dad's like, well, your aunts they're, they're lesbian. Like is that a problem? I'm like still kind of confused though. So I'm like, no, I guess not. But I still didn't really understand what it was. I actually had to. I learned more about the LGBT community actually coming to college and cause I didn't know, I didn't know, I only really knew the LGBT. I didn't know about like two spirit or like demigender and all that stuff. I didn't. I had to learn it all here. So I was really nice to actually learn about all that stuff. I was like, oh, I'm not alone, cool.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's, that's great. I appreciate you sharing all of that. So, growing up with two aunts, did you ever wonder, like, oh, how, like how am I feeling about this? Or or how did you kind of come to learn about who you were?
Speaker 1:Well, I can. I came out as bisexual originally, my, I want to say my junior or senior year of high school, just learning more about it and as the more I got older, the more I actually understood, okay, they're an actual, like lesbian couple. Not everybody has two great aunts that are together. It'd be super cool. But then I also, the first time I ever actually really understood what gay was was when I was dating my first boyfriend and he actually said, yeah, I'm actually gay.
Speaker 1:And I was like, oh okay, wait, what does that mean? Like, is that a good thing? Is that a bad thing? Can we still be friends? And him giving me knowledge on LGBT and my aunt's giving me more knowledge? And just getting older and realizing, yeah, I think I might be a part of that. And so I was bisexual and I didn't come out as trans until about two years ago. So I'm still fairly new to that field and getting transitioning and trying to remember oh yeah, I'm this now, not this. And thankfully, my family and my wife's family, they're all very accepting and that's one of the most important things to me. So it's all going good and I'm really happy with who I am.
Speaker 2:Yeah, what did that feel like? As you started to realize that maybe the body that I was born into wasn't it's not necessarily who I am and when you kind of came out and made the transition?
Speaker 1:Yeah, so apparently my whole family knew before. Even I did, isn't?
Speaker 2:that wild.
Speaker 1:It's so wild. Like my mom. I came out to my mom first and she's like yeah, we, we kind of knew and your grandparents kind of like they would call me and text me. So has has as they come out, yet did they have a boyfriend or a girlfriend? I'm like what, I knew you guys were accepting, but I didn't know you'd be that accepting. But I think coming out to my wife cause we had just gotten married too, I think coming out to my wife was probably the hardest thing for me, and I knew she'd be accepting. It was just that fear deep inside of me that what is going to happen with our, with, like our marriage? Are we still going to be able to be on the same page? And we had long discussions about this too, because I always wanted to make sure that she's comfortable and that I'm comfortable. And it was a much easier process, I think.
Speaker 1:Coming out as trans versus bisexual, I think I don't know why it just seemed like a better transition and acceptance than the other one. There was acceptance both ways. It just seemed more comfortable coming out as trans, though, because I'd always want to shop in the boys section and I had those moments where my mom would be like yeah, but you're not a boy, you should shop in this section, like the boys have all the cooler clothing. It's not pink, and I just felt always more comfortable doing guys things. So it's like I think I might actually be trans and now that I'm open about it, I've started the transition process and saying, hey, these are my pronouns, please use these. It's okay if you mess up, cause I know it's a whole change, but overall, the process has been really great and I'm really, I'm really thankful for the family and friends that I have.
Speaker 2:That's fantastic. Thanks for sharing all that. I really appreciate when you can one be really comfortable with who you are but also be so comfortable that you give that grace to other people as they're trying to figure it out as well. How did you find that part of it? Because it's really easy for us in the LGBTQ community to get really defensive and say, like, why can't you just use my proper pronouns? I told you what they are once and you know, sometimes it takes a little bit of repetition. How did you find that grace to?
Speaker 1:say I knew my family would struggle the most because they've known me for so many years as this name and these pronouns. So I first started going by Ace in high school because I found out my dad actually wanted to name me that because there's a character from Dr who named Ace and he loves like sci-fi shows and all that. So I was like that's a really cool name. I'm going to just start going by that. It was mainly just a nickname, so getting them used to the name, and I was like, okay, maybe now you can try starting using he, him, and I know, not everybody's perfect.
Speaker 1:People are going to mess up, and I just recently came out to a guy that I knew, who's a regular at the theater, like hey, I just want to let you know I'm. I'm actually trans, and he had actually known for a while too. He just didn't want to say anything, which I appreciate too, but and I know he's getting used to it it's like I know you're going to mess up, it's okay, as long as you are respecting me as just a person. If you mess up, I'm not going to be mad, but if you're going to be rude to me, then I'm going to be like excuse me, these are my pronouns. That's when I'll get defenses if you're being really rude. But if you're just being yourself and you mess up once or twice, I'm not going to get mad. People make mistakes, it happens.
Speaker 2:I think that type of grace is amazing, so I want to give you props for that. One of the things you'd mentioned in the onboarding form was your senior capstone film, close to Home, and it explores LGBTQ acceptance in the community. Can you just talk a little bit about what inspired you to take such a personal topic, make that documentary and make it your senior capstone, which is really like the feather in your cap in that MSUM film?
Speaker 1:Yeah. So I, before senior year, I went to MSUM safe zone training and they had a project on there where each of us had a different colored star and on each point of the star you would put something of importance. Like a family member, you'd put, a close friend, your job, a hobby that you want to get into and something else, and they'd read out the scenario and then, depending on what color star you'd have, depending on what you did with that point, you'd read out the scenario and then, depending on what color star you'd have, depending on what you did with that point, you'd either leave the point alone, meaning that you were accepted. You would either bend it or tear a little piece off, meaning you're accepted by some but not others or you would completely rip it off, meaning you were disowned from them and become a part of the statistics of those who LGBT folks, who become homeless, who lean towards drugs and alcohol and who unfortunately take their lives because they are not accepted for who they are.
Speaker 1:And I thought turning that project into a film, especially with me in the LGBT community, was very important. So I pitched the idea to the professors, along with all the other seniors that were pitching their project and I got greenlit. So I was like, great, let's make this film, let's get a crew together and film it. And I'm very happy with how it turned out and I watch it all the time, constantly. I'm like, yay, I did this, I'm happy. Is it publicly viewable? I have it publicly on Vimeo. It's a little bit more of a restrictive on YouTube because I have a. I worked with a studio group to get their music onto it, so YouTube likes to try to like you have music restrictions, but then I got to have the license. I'm like I have the licensing here.
Speaker 2:Well, we'll make sure that we we link to that in the show notes as well. So, ace, appreciate all that. I'm really excited to kind of jump in and have you just share what's your story of pride.
Speaker 1:I think for me, pride is just being comfortable in my own skin and just teaching others what they might not know. Yeah, I'm we're not going to agree on everything, but like there's some stuff in the LGBT community that I don't personally agree with either. But I think respect is just really important. Just because I don't agree with you on something, that doesn't mean that we can't be friends. I can still respect you and I'm not going to say you're 100% wrong and all this, but we can still be friends. And I think that friendship and bond is really important with pride too, because we're all here for love and acceptance and we have these pride events so that we can all be together as one big group and just celebrate who we are as people.
Speaker 1:And I think the first time I ever went to like a pride event in like a park was in Rochester and seeing so many people and all the different flags that people have, I wanted to cry honestly with how happy I felt because I'm like, oh my gosh, I'm not alone. I have other people who may be going through the exact same story that I am, and I just felt very comfortable in my skin for like the very first time because before I was just so hidden depression, anxiety, not really wanting to leave, but knowing that I can be comfortable in my own skin and be me. I can go out and play sports I do stonewall sports and kickball and just have fun. We can be fun people to hang out with. I'm a pretty shy individual but when you get to know me I'm more outgoing. But I think just that love and acceptance has really helped me as a person. Just stay on this earth and be a part of the group.
Speaker 2:One of the kind of common themes in what you had just shared was this sense of community not just being a part of the community, but also building the community that you want to be a part of, Right and so, as as you think about those things, why is community so important in this LGBTQ community?
Speaker 1:I think it's important because have knowing that you have somebody there that can help guide you and, like with my two grand aunts, like if I'm ever in a situation with the LGBT, I can always talk to them about it and be like, hey, they're older, they've probably experienced something like this and they can kind of help me figure out what I can do to go on my path. And I think having other people around you to have that sense of belonging, even if you're not in the LGBT community, just having your own little community or group, can really help impact, I think, your mental health, emotional health too. And, honestly, if it weren't for the LGBT community, their acceptance and me knowing that I'm not alone, I honestly don't know if I would honestly be here today without the LGBT community and without my wife and the support of my family and friends. So I think having that community and knowing is really, really important for everybody, not just the LGBT community.
Speaker 2:Yeah, as you share that idea of potentially not being here, you know. I think that that thought really resonates, especially through our LGBTQ community. What advice do you have? You're pretty young, you're spry, you had to come to a totally new place and build a community. What advice do you have for somebody that maybe has never built a community before and doesn't know where to reach out? How do I get involved?
Speaker 1:I would say the first step to getting involved is just reaching out. I am a very not like a stay-at-home kind of person, like I don't really want to go out and do things. But then my boss actually sent me a picture of the Stonewall Sports kickball group and it said it was like for LGBT members and allies. And I was like, oh, I like kickball. I played that a lot in school and so I got out of my comfort zone and I said, hey, I would be interested and I've made friends there. And I think just getting out of your comfort zone and actually trying new things, you can find your little community anywhere, whether it be theater, whether it be arts, making films and stuff like that. And just also knowing that there are people there to support you and help you if you're struggling with anything, and to not be afraid to ask for help too, I think is really important. But and you can always talk to me too I may not know you, but I'll be like hey, what's up? What do you want to hang?
Speaker 2:That's awesome. Now, really important question what team were you on this past year?
Speaker 1:Well, for kickball this past year I unfortunately wasn't able to participate because I got into the Goosebumps musical, so that was an incredible musical. Oh, yeah, that was an incredible musical, by the way, thank you, I had so much fun doing it. I hadn't done theater in a very long time but I was a part of. I went to the national tournament in Philadelphia oh cool With my wife. Yeah, we didn't have enough people from Fargo alone to make a team, so we combined with a team from Minneapolis and we were the tater tot, hot kicks. Oh, that's fantastic. See everybody from around the country get together to play not just kickball, but they had a whole bunch of other. They had dodgeball, like bocce ball and all kinds of stuff. We were there for kickball, but it was just really nice to know that we can all get together and just have fun, go out for drinks afterwards, see a drag show, or my wife and I went to a baseball game and got these really cool lgbt philly hats I love that philly hat.
Speaker 2:I really love that. So that's fantastic and I appreciate how, how you've been able to kind of create the community that you want to be a part of and stay active in it. Now, one thing that you shared with me earlier is that you have autism, yeah, and that can have a significant role as you're trying to like meet new people, as you're like getting out into the community. So I think most people, if they just meet you, are not necessarily going to know that you have autism. But I'm wondering how is? How has your autism journey also affected your experience in the LGBTQ community? Um, both personally and as a filmmaker community.
Speaker 1:Um, both personally and as a filmmaker, yeah, uh. So yeah, I do. Technically, I do fit into that stereotypical category of you. Don't look like you have autism. I'm like, well, I didn't. I mean to be fair.
Speaker 1:I didn't find out until I was 23 that I had autism and I'm like that makes so much more sense with my life now, because when I was in school it wasn't really a problem at school or really at work. So much because sense with my life now, because when I was in school it wasn't really a problem at school or really at work. So much because I had a set structure of what was going to happen throughout the day. It was mainly when I was at home, when I really didn't have a set schedule. I was a mess. My relationship with my parents weren't really all the greatest. Yes, they were accepting LGBT, but like just an overall connection with them. There's just a lot of arguing and fighting going on and I think if I had known at an earlier age, real relationship might have been differently. But moving up here has also really helped improve that relationship and knowing that I have autism, now I can just be more accepting of myself and be like, okay, this makes sense as to why I don't like certain sounds have really different text, like textural feelings and tastes, things are different. Like it makes a lot of sense.
Speaker 1:And being a filmmaker, too, I can really focus on minor details that some people might miss. Like when I'm watching movies on the big screen, I focus so much more on not just the story, but I'm like okay, the lighting looks good here. I like that. Why is this in this angle and not this angle? And some people are like why don't you just go to watch the film for the enjoyment of it? I'm like, why don't you just go to watch the film, like for the enjoyment of it?
Speaker 1:I'm like, I'm like I am, but on a more like, like critical level, and I think I think the acceptance of that like it's a little bit of a process. I mean like, oh, okay, that makes sense now. So now I got to focus on that too. But and sometimes when they find out that I don't normally like to tell people, like when I'm first meeting them, because I feel like I always have this worry that if I tell them, then they'll start treating me a whole different way just because I am autistic, but I still want people to know that I'm still me. Like I said, I love dinosaurs. Like, if you want a whole presentation, I will be happy to give you one. And how inaccurate Jurassic Park is.
Speaker 2:I was gonna say, can you share, like your favorite dinosaur fact, like are there any cross sections between your, your pride story and your love of dinosaurs?
Speaker 1:Not in terms of like the LGBT community. I don't know why I just love dinosaurs so much. What's your favorite dinosaur? I have two that are tied for top one just because I love them so much. It's your favorite dinosaur? I have two that are tied for top one just because I love them so much. It's the Pachycephalosaurus and the Parasaurolophus.
Speaker 1:And the Pachycephalosaurus is the one that has kind of like a little like cone horn on its head with like little horns on the side, and that one's a cool dinosaur because it actually kind of evolved like Pokemon, because when the paleontologists were first discovering that dinosaur, they haven't found the whole body, they've only been able to find the head. But they found another dinosaur that looked like the Pachycephalosaurus but it was a lot younger. But they couldn't find any older or younger versions of that one. So they decided to name that one. The full name is the Dracorex, hogwartsia, which is the dragon king of hogwarts. So yes, harry Potter has their own dinosaur.
Speaker 1:And then they found another one in between that looked a lot like the Dracorex and the Pachy, but they couldn't find any older or younger. So they named that one the Stygimoloch. So it started out as Dracorex, then the Stygimoloch. And then you have the Pachycephalosaurus, and I thought that was really cool. And then the Parasaurolophus is also known as the duck bill dinosaur. It has a little duck kind of face and a long horn on the back and I just love it.
Speaker 2:I don't think that we will have any other pride stories that go this deep into types of dinosaurs, and I'm a big fan of it right now. So, ace, as you think about your, your pride story, as you think about, like, what has made Ace who you are today, who are the people that that have been along your journey and and what have you learned from them?
Speaker 1:My whole immediate family and my grandparents and my aunts and uncles have really helped me figure out who I am as a person, and my wife as well. I love her so much I don't know where I'd be without her. I was going through a really rough time my freshman year of college and she helped me, like see the light again and knowing that, hey, it's all okay. I was like one of those like high school starstruck crush kind of people when I first met her. Like I was just like smiling the whole time when I first saw her and I did the awkward like hey, you want to hang out Like dinner and a movie. And she's like, are you asking me out? And I'm like, yes, I don't know. And yeah, we've been married for two years now and and her family has gotten a lot more supportive too.
Speaker 1:It was a little bit, it was a little bit rocky at first, especially with with her coming out too. But they've been very accepting and my all my coworkers that I work with are very accepting too. I mainly work with teenagers too, so, cause I work in a movie theater and so, but they're all accepting and they know the gist of like you're cool, awesome, and I've never really run into any problems that like my, my aunts might have or like my wife has which I'm very thankful that I haven't run into those, but I know that that's. There's a possibility that it could happen. I've had a few like slurs brought out at me from unhappy guests, but it's a part of life and I know that it's not going to define who I am as a person, so I'm just going to continue to be me.
Speaker 2:What advice do you have for somebody who is maybe they're well along their pride story, or maybe they're just the beginning of their journey. What advice do you have?
Speaker 1:It's going to be a long journey. It's not going to be a one and done coming out thing. It's going to. You're going to have to come out multiple different times to different in different situations and know that it's okay if not everyone fully understands. At first Everyone might not understand and that's okay, as long as they are respecting you as a person. I think that's what's most important.
Speaker 1:If they're not going to respect you just simply as a person, then I don't think they are worth your time. Move on, find somebody who will respect you as a person and think, no matter what, that they'll be there for you. You can always come to me too, even if I don't know you. I'm not the greatest at giving advice, but I am a good listener. I'll be there to support you and there's plenty of people in the LGBT community in the Fargo Moorhead area. Come hang out with us. We're cool and just when you find your path, know that, as long as what you're doing is not hurting you and you're happy in your own skin that it's going to work out and you'll be okay.
Speaker 2:I think that's great. The last question that I have for you what does pride mean to you?
Speaker 1:I think pride to me means that we as a community can just be together for love and acceptance. And with me personally, my pride is that I'm just happy in my own skin and I can still continue doing the things that I love and share it with the world Incredible continue doing the things that I love and share it with the world.
Speaker 2:Incredible Well, Ace. I look so forward to seeing your first major feature film. I am also looking forward to checking out your podcast. Can you tell us just like a quick little, like side note for your podcast, like a little shout out?
Speaker 1:So I have a little podcast on Spotify called Film Flicks. I just talk about the latest films that hit the big screen, at least the ones that I'm interested in. I try to do episodes every week. I try to find a guest. Sometimes it doesn't work out, so sometimes it's just me talking, which is, I guess, okay. But yeah, I have fun doing it. I just did an episode on Bob Marley One Love and I did Madam Web. Yeah, so if you are more than willing, give it a try and check it out.
Speaker 2:Awesome. Well, Ace Baker Steele, thank you so much for being a part of the LGBTQ community in Fargo. Thank you for being a part of Stonewall Sports. I know I'm a huge supporter of Stonewall Sports and I love playing in the kickball league and Tellwell is always a supporter as well and as much as anything, thanks for sharing your Pride story today.
Speaker 1:Thank you for having me. I was really happy to do this.
Speaker 2:Thank you for listening to Pride Stories, the podcast. I'm your host, max Kringen, and it's been an honor to bring this story to your ears. Pride Stories is proudly presented by Tellwell Story Co and Studio. We have an incredible team that makes this podcast possible every single week, including executive producers Max Kringen and Duncan Williamson, contributing producers Matt Prigge, jordan Ryan, kirstina Trujillo and Ashley Rick, with additional support by Sandy Keene, annie Wood and the entire team at Tell All Story Cohen Studio. If you've been inspired, moved or entertained by anything you've heard in this episode, please consider supporting our mission. You can do that by subscribing to the podcast, leave a five-star review or simply share it with a friend or family member. Your support helps keep the stories alive and resonating, and if you feel compelled to share your own pride story, we'd be honored to listen. Please visit the link in the description of this episode to get in touch. No matter where you are in your journey, whether you're out and proud or just finding your voice, remember you have a story to tell and it deserves to be heard.