Pride Stories: The Podcast

Celebrating Self-Acceptance and Resilience: Scott's Story

• Max Kringen and Tellwell Story Co. • Season 2 • Episode 3

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Journeying with Scott, we delve into the intricate path of sobriety, self-care, and pride within the LGBTQ+ community. Scott, a charming Fargo-based financial advisor, shares his inspiring transformation from navigating social scenes with a drink in hand to embracing a life of sobriety. With candid reflections, Scott discusses the pivotal role of self-acceptance in his journey, the support systems that guided him, and how the pride of self lies in the everyday victories. His story prompts us to ponder the blend of vulnerability and resilience that shapes our authentic selves.

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Speaker 1:

My goal initially was how do I assimilate back into my life just without drinking? So basically it was me doing everything that I had done. So if you and I met at Duffy's every Tuesday night, it would be me going to Duffy's on Tuesday night and doing the same things, just with the soda water instead of Jameson, you know whatever.

Speaker 2:

Welcome to Pride Stories, the podcast where we celebrate the entire spectrum of experiences that make up the LGBTQ plus community. I'm your host, max Krangan, from Tellville's Story Cohen Studio On this podcast. We're committed to creating a safe, supportive and inspiring space for our guests and listeners alike, so join us as we explore the heartwarming, sometimes painful and always inspired stories that make us who we are. Welcome to the Pride Stories podcast, scott. I'm so excited to have you here today, scott.

Speaker 1:

How long have we been friends? A long time, probably 10 years at least at least 10 years.

Speaker 2:

It's 2024.

Speaker 1:

So probably 2011, 2012.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, somewhere in there, so it's been a long time. It's been a long time. I'm so excited that you're here on Pride Stories the podcast, because, while we've been friends for 10 years, one of the things that I think doesn't always get to happen is we don't always get to have these conversations right, because oftentimes we're out with friends. When we first met, it was at a bar usually, and things like that, so I'm really excited that you're here. How are you feeling about being on the podcast?

Speaker 1:

Good, I think this is great. I'm excited to be here, yeah.

Speaker 2:

We're excited to have you. So for the people that don't know, can you tell us who is Scott?

Speaker 1:

Well, I am a Fargo and for the last 15 years I live in West Fargo with my dog. I work in financial industries, selling life insurance, annuities, investments, that kind of thing. I like to cook, bake, travel shop, pretty run-of-the-mill mid-40s guy.

Speaker 2:

So, beyond those things that you like to do, who is Scott? Describe Scott for somebody, because I know you also have a godson who you have a really incredible relationship with. I remember always seeing photos of him growing up and you were starting to tell me, before we started recording, that his life is totally different now than what ours were when we were his age.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, he's 17 and I'm not all that cool anymore. That's fine, but high school is very different. He's a straight kid, but just the diversity of people and people having voices in high school is completely different than my age or yours. So it's a different world and I feel really dated when I say that, but it really is.

Speaker 2:

It really is, and so I know one of the things that you and I talked just briefly about was starting to kind of share how different our coming out stories were and how like there was this constantly coming out Right and like I think that's been part of like our journeys as middle-aged men in the gay community. But I was wondering can, if you feel comfortable, can, you share your, your coming out story and kind of how that shaped even a little bit of who you are today?

Speaker 1:

Yeah, I mean mine was relatively late. I went to university of Minnesota for my undergrad, so I didn't come out until 2001, upon graduation. I mean it was. I was in a fraternity and that was a thing of itself and it was just really nothing that there wasn't. There wasn't a role model, and I learned by example, which is something that I found more in my later life than I did know then. So I didn't have that role model to look to. So it was something that I really didn't know, even though if you asked me, when did you know you were gay?

Speaker 1:

It was pretty early. I mean, having a crush on your brother's t-ball coach is probably a good sign, but yeah, it was just nothing that I ever thought about or thought about really voicing. So it was a lot later in life that. But also, you know, a lot of my friends were like duh, so it kind of was one of those things. And I was in Minneapolis, so it's not like I didn't go to school in a in small town USA that wasn't going to be accepting. It was a pretty easy place to come out and, for that matter, everywhere that I've lived since, whether it be Minneapolis, new York, fargo or Grand Forks is pretty good.

Speaker 2:

And so did you grow up in the Twin Cities Grand Forks. You grew up in Grand Forks, yes, east Grand Forks. So what was life growing up as a young gay kid in East Grand Forks, especially since you didn't have really those role models that you talk about?

Speaker 1:

So small towns are. There's bullying, but I don't think that I was bullied any more than anyone else. I think that you're kind of fair game to be bullied regardless of popularity, regardless of anything. So I had a lot of friends that were the cool girls, so that was kind of my saving grace. But high school wasn't hard by any means. I mean by no means was I making any attempts to date or do anything like that. I kind of ran as normal as everyone else. But but I think that it's just amazing and it floors me. Every time that I see someone that's out in high school or even earlier, it blows my mind because that was just. That was not. Would it have been accepted? Probably. But I also was like, would I have been that trailblazer? Would I have been that one man? Like I don't think that I would, I really don't think I would have. But yeah, so it was a different world.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, it really was. It really was a different world, and I by no means was that trailblazer either. It wasn't until even after college, for me too. So it is fascinating and empowering and really fun to see a younger generation who like not only are they coming out earlier, but they're coming out and it's normalized, yeah, and it's okay, and they can share their story.

Speaker 1:

And I think that one of the bane of your existence and it's also a great connection is having your phone in your hand all the time and when you're doing doom scrolling and you're going through all of these videos and you see a junior high kid that's on TikTok and that was something that really became more common in the last 10 years, five especially. So you know, smartphones have been around for a while, but having them 24-7 was more so for everything and having it as a connection piece was definitely in more recent years. And having that connection, so you can have that connection with someone that's on the opposite end of the world and that's really awesome.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, I'm curious to your take as you think about some of the really positive things that having that connection is and some of the really negative impacts of social media, like if kids come out earlier because they have those influencers on TikTok and other places like almost. How do you weigh the good and the bad it's?

Speaker 1:

almost a wash. I mean, when you have the voice, I think it's amazing and I think that that's a really great thing, and I I think, regardless of what your story is, there's always going to be someone that can identify with you to a certain degree. When you open yourself up to anything, you're going to get backlash, regardless of internet troll, whatever the case may be. If you're evangelizing something for tell well, you can have someone be just as vicious that has no relevance to what you're saying. So it just is one of those things. It's like, do you keep your voice shut and not do it, or do you do what you do and you just kind of move on?

Speaker 2:

Yeah Well, you know, one of the things that we evangelize here at Tellwell is very much everybody has a story to share and it deserves to be told Right, and with this podcast specifically, we're encouraging people to share their stories of pride. So I would say, let's get into your pride story and I'd be curious what is Scott's pride story?

Speaker 1:

Okay, I would say that my pride story is more just my life story. I don't think that, if you're describing me as a person I don't know, that gay necessarily is going to be one of the first adjectives or even one of them. I guess that's not, or would it ever be one that I am, that I would describe myself. It's just part of the story, a small part, I guess, depending on the day it really is. I would say that during your course of from coming out to now, man, I would rather be turning 60 tomorrow than turn 21 again Easily. Why is that? Turn 21 again easily?

Speaker 2:

Why is that?

Speaker 1:

Because the older that I get, the wiser I've become and I don't want to go back to the 22 year old. That sounds exhausting.

Speaker 2:

I was like I love a nap, so there's no way I could be a 22 year old again. Scott, one of the things that you just mentioned in there was this idea of like, and I'd be curious how did you get comfortable in your own skin enough to say like? Your sexual orientation isn't even an adjective that you would use to describe yourself. How'd you get to that point of comfortability?

Speaker 1:

A lot of trial and error, max, a lot of trial and error. So earlier we were talking about kind of role models and trying to understand exactly where you fit in and what your place in the world is. And I don't know that I know the answer to that exactly, but I know that I'm closer than I was yesterday. So I think the process of learning. You know I love a nap. I love nothing more than taking a nap. I think it's the best thing in the world. And doing all of the things that you see, whether it be you know, when I'm looking at one of your, when you're looking at someone's trip, when you're looking at someone's night out, when you're looking at someone's job, you're getting a little snippet of that piece of that night and you're just getting a very small part of it. Most people that look at your story, if you're looking at you, don't post you being in the office until 2 am. You don't post getting an hour of sleep because you've got to get this and that done. You just see the good and you see the great. So trying to learn how to get your stuff done, to be you and to be kind to yourself is so huge. And don't do something because someone else is doing it.

Speaker 1:

I had FOMO for so many years. I thought I was going to miss everything and so I went to everything and I was just exhausted. It's so difficult to be seen and to do that, and I'm glad that I did it when I was young, because I have no intentions of doing that now. I'm very deliberate with my time out. It's very calculated. I will watch my watch. I'm like, okay, it's getting close to eight. I like to be at home with my meds taken at eight.

Speaker 2:

I got to go, let me dog out, I'm so sorry, got to get home.

Speaker 1:

We got to go for a walk.

Speaker 2:

You know they've been cooped up all day, so just got to go.

Speaker 1:

Lovely seeing you. Yep, it's time to go, and if I'm out late too, if I say hi Max, how are you? This is goodbye as well, because I'm going to jet out of here in a second. So I always do that because I'm the king of no goodbye, I just leave.

Speaker 2:

Irish goodbye Irish goodbye.

Speaker 1:

It's a great way to do it and usually by the time anyone knows that I'm gone. I've been asleep for half hour 45.

Speaker 2:

I love that. Scott, one of the things that you're talking about is really this idea of self-care and making sure that you have the energy that you need to do that work, and I know you had a journey to sobriety. Yes, and sobriety in the LGBTQ community is becoming so much more accepted and celebrated, but it hasn't always been so can you kind of share with us your journey to sobriety and why that became an important part of your life?

Speaker 1:

Yeah, and I can tell you why it didn't work initially too. So I guess realizing that I am not super comfortable in social situations is something that I've slowly really learned about myself, that I am comfortable around my people and I I'm good with everyone else. I can wave, I can, that's fine, but my people I'm very comfortable with. So for most of my years drinking was a good social lubricant and it would get me out, and get me out comfortably. And then it would be too much, and then there were many years of that and many years of just really running on empty. So I quit drinking and then I guess my goal initially was how do I assimilate back into my life just without drinking? So basically it was me doing everything that I had done. So if you and I met at Duffy's every Tuesday night, it would be me going to Duffy's on Tuesday night and doing the same things, just with the soda water instead of Jameson, you know whatever.

Speaker 1:

That didn't work for that long. How long did it work? For A little over a year, oh, wow, okay. So, and then again, it's fine for a while and all of a sudden I'm not the human that I should be, and you know I function highly, but I'm nowhere near the best friend, son, dog, dad, brother. I'm not even close to anywhere near as good of a human as I am not drinking. So me being sober now, the only thing that I changed was everything, and it's good, it's listening to myself. Take the nap, get enough sleep, don't stress about having the donut I have not stressed about that for too long but things like that that really are not that big of a deal, that can seem like a big deal and be kind to yourself so it'll go a yeah.

Speaker 2:

And so how long have you been sober? A year yesterday.

Speaker 1:

Actually. That's incredible, congratulations, thanks. So yeah, so it was a year yesterday, so it's been good.

Speaker 2:

What would you tell other? People on their journey. If they're like I don't know where to start, I don't know. Has anybody helped you along your journey? If they're like I don't know where to start, I don't know. Has anybody helped you along your journey?

Speaker 1:

Yeah, I have done outpatient at soul solutions, which is an awesome recovery center here in Fargo. They're fantastic humans so they've been a big piece of of mine and the people there I mean both patients and staff are wonderful. They're great, so I highly recommend it. If it's even something that's kind of a blip on your radar, I would encourage you know, just try. I mean whether it be counseling. You know, I'm 45 years old and I just got diagnosed with attention deficit and OCD and I medicated for it. That's huge. So now, instead of me working on 15 projects, I will always get them done, but they will always be late and hurried and just not as good as it should be and not the quality that I know that I'm capable of. So, having the opportunity to, I still have all of the thoughts and my mind is still a bit jumbled, but there's some order to it.

Speaker 1:

So it's very, very helpful.

Speaker 2:

You know, one of the things that you've been transparent about, both in like our conversations as well as as we were talking about Pride Stories. The podcast is kind of your thoughts on on mental health within the LGBTQ plus community, but just even even broader than, as I like to call them, the alphabet mafia, especially related to like anxiety, depression and addiction, and so I'm just wondering can you kind of just share even a little bit of your journey and how that like journey to self-acceptance like kind of led you through this path of sobriety and understanding these things like the ADD and things like that?

Speaker 1:

Well, they're all connected by very small margins tension deficit and OCD and autism, and it's very, very, very close. And depression and anxiety they run very, very in close circles. So, yeah, and this is not something that is done.

Speaker 2:

I'm still going to continue to see my therapist, but it's nice to have like when you have little victories.

Speaker 1:

it's a. It's a. Reallydiscovery is good, and just understanding you is really the most important part, and then everything else will kind of fall in place. You can show up to this, you can add yourself into anything that you feel comfortable, but making sure that you know that it's a good fit for you in the hours that work for you, like that's great.

Speaker 2:

I love that. I think one of the things that I've been so impressed by with you is just like your transparency and your vulnerability as it comes to these stories, and I think I'd be curious as you think about your pride story and you know you even mentioned like gay is not even necessarily one of the adjectives that people would use to describe you, but I'd be curious both within the LGBTQ plus space as well as broader like who have been the influences on you, who's your support system, who are your go-to people and what have they done for you?

Speaker 1:

So my mom is a big one. You know I have a ton of friends in and out of the LGBT community. I'm very, very lucky. I've got, you know, friends, family and you know just good coworkers and old coworkers and I've got support left and right, which is awesome and I've always been lucky and it really has been relatively easy as far as support goes. And also in the other side of that support is when you have someone call you out and say, hey, this needs to be addressed, and being willing to take that feedback and constructively use it and do some self-improvement.

Speaker 2:

You just said that it was relatively easy, right, and I think one of the things that maybe you don't give yourself enough credit for is the resiliency that you've built up over the years. That maybe makes it feel easy, cause I do think, like other people that have been through some things that you've been through whether it be learning that you you have ADD, or going through a sobriety journey or any of those types of things not everybody would respond with that type of grace. Where does that strength come from? Your eyes just got so big You're like what the hell are you talking about's no resiliency here.

Speaker 2:

No, like I think you have a lot of resiliency in you I don't know that I do.

Speaker 1:

I will say that I don't. I don't know what is the definition of me, but I know what I don't want to define me. So I guess, working against that current to, to make sure that the things that have been difficult are not the things that define me, and I don't want my worst moment to be what I'm remembered for.

Speaker 2:

That's incredible. That is an incredible statement, though.

Speaker 1:

In the self-discovery, in being the best, sober version of self. I've started a new job. I lost my dad. Life has obstacles and one of the toughest life lessons that I've learned is that, regardless of what happens whether it be a death, whether it be a bad day, whether it be anything, that the world moves, whether you want it to or not and more often than not I did not want it to move but it's something that you have to, sometimes at your own pace. You don't have to necessarily go by everyone's pace or by a pace that is not defined by you, but life keeps moving. So you kind of got, to a certain extent, roll with the punches and get back in there, but make sure you're doing so while taking care of yourself.

Speaker 1:

I like that steady drumbeat of self-care being so critically important drumbeat of self-care being so critically important, right, and I can't do my job if I'm not taking care of myself, because I know that my head, regardless of medication, is going to be so scattered that I'm going to be a disservice more than a service. So being routine is very, very key for me. I'm big on routine. I always say it's Jake, my dog, that Jake has his routine, jake doesn't care, it's totally my routine, but I abide by, I stick pretty close to my routine and that helps me immensely. Just having you know this is the time that we do this. This is the time that we do this and it's very helpful, more helpful than I ever would have imagined that. But yeah, it's. It's an interesting. It's an interesting journey, max.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, For people that maybe aren't, maybe aren't out yet, maybe people that are like at the beginning of their journey. What advice do you have for those folks?

Speaker 1:

I would say I guess I would be rather under. I would be under the assumption that you have some role model, that is, whether it be someone that's known to you or someone that's that is, whether it be someone that's known to you or someone that's a figure, television figure, you know. Whatever I would say to be comfortable, make sure that you're comfortable in your own skin, make sure that you're not doing something that doesn't feel right and have fun. I mean I definitely I sound like I don't have any fun at all. It is yeah, I mean it's yours, make it yours, but certainly don't do anything because you think that you need to.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, I think that's great advice. Yeah, what does pride mean to Scott?

Speaker 1:

Pride is just pride of self. I take pride in a lot of things just pride of self. I take pride in a lot of things. I'm trying to give myself a little more credit and be proud of myself and proud of things that I've done, be proud of your accomplishments, be proud of your home, be proud of your job. I think that there's a lot of things that pride is a way of how you live. I take pride in things that I cook and bake. I take pride in the fact that I clean my house. Constantly there's a party of 50 coming and there's never anyone that comes over, it's just my dog and I, but it's always ready. Things like that. There's's weird things that are that make you you. That are your little quirks.

Speaker 2:

I love that. Be proud of your quirks, be proud of your clean house. When you have a clean house, I'm very much the opposite. My house would never be clean if I did not have roommates, so my house and car are always spotless. Yes, I love it. I love it. Well, scott, what else do you want to share about your story about advice within the LGBTQ community?

Speaker 1:

Anything else you want to?

Speaker 2:

share.

Speaker 1:

I'm more than happy to answer questions if that's something that your listeners are. Do have questions for me. I love answering questions and I'll make sure that you have my contact info or you can filter them my way, but I love answering questions and I and a lot of times I don't know the answer. But we'll find out.

Speaker 2:

Darne Right. Yeah, I love that. Well, I will definitely make sure your your contact info is shared in the show notes as well. I just want to say thanks for coming on, thanks for being vulnerable, thanks for sharing some of your stories, and I hope you and Jake have just a great time as we head into spring and summer, because it is going to be a long spring and summer, perfect for lots and lots of dog walks.

Speaker 1:

Yes, I agree. Thank you very much for having me. Absolutely.

Speaker 2:

Thank you for listening to Pride Stories, the podcast. I'm your host, max Kringen, and it's been an honor to bring this story to your ears. Pride Stories is proudly presented by Tellwell Story Co and Studio. We have an incredible team that makes this podcast possible every single week, including executive producers Max Kringen and Duncan Williamson, contributing producers Matt Prigge, jordan Ryan, kirstina Trujillo and Ashley Rick, with additional support by Sandy Keene, annie Wood and the entire team at Towel Story Cohen Studio. If you've been inspired, moved or entertained by anything you've heard in this episode, please consider supporting our mission. You can do that by subscribing to the podcast, leave a five star review or simply share it with a friend or family member. Your support helps keep the stories alive and resonating, and if you feel compelled to share your own pride story, we'd be honored to listen. Please visit the link in the description of this episode to get in touch. No matter where you are in your journey, whether you're out and proud or just finding your voice, remember you have a story to tell and it deserves to be heard.