Pride Stories: The Podcast

Transforming Fear Into Freedom: Carter's Story

• Max Kringen and Tellwell Story Co. • Season 2 • Episode 12

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In this episode, we get an inside look into Carter's life as he shares his journey as a queer man and body piercer. As a kid, Carter often escaped into art and video games, but everything changed when he discovered drag and body mods. These helped him start embracing who he really is. He opens up about the tough times he faced while rebuilding relationships with his family, especially his dad and brother, and how being open and vulnerable has played a crucial role in that process. We also get to witness Carter's heartfelt proposal to his partner, Taylor, and see how their love has been a major source of support for him. Through his story, Carter shows us the power of staying true to yourself and the importance of having genuine connections in your life.

Tune in now on Spotify and YouTube to hear Carter's heartfelt story of self-acceptance and personal growth:

https://youtu.be/0YqDlCMbbbw

Are you ready to share your Pride Story?  Visit https://wetellwell.com/pride-stories-podcast to learn more.

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Speaker 1:

My senior year I came across this quote that was very influential and monumental on me Everything you want is on the other side of fear. And I was, like in high school, really concerned with like, oh gosh, people are noticing that I'm getting piercings. And I'm like, from wanting to hide myself away for many years in elementary to middle school, even up to like, middle high school, all of a sudden there was like a switch and a flip that I was like you know what I want to be in that spotlight? I want to be me, I want to show this off.

Speaker 2:

Welcome to Pride Stories, the podcast where we celebrate the entire spectrum of experiences that make up the LGBTQ plus community. I'm your host, Max Kringen from Tell All Story Co and Studio, On this podcast. We're committed to creating a safe, supportive and inspiring space for our guests and listeners alike, so join us as we explore the heartwarming, sometimes painful and always inspired stories that make us who we are. Welcome to Pride Stories, the podcast where we celebrate the entire spectrum of the LGBTQIA plus community. We believe that everybody has a story to share and your story deserves to be told. I'm your host, Max Crangan, from Tellwell Story Co, in studio, and with me in studio today I have Carter. Hi Hi Carter.

Speaker 1:

Hi, how are you?

Speaker 2:

I'm so good. I've been so looking forward to this conversation for like two weeks.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, it's been a minute since I saw you last.

Speaker 2:

I want to start there and then we can go way back into our history. Okay, you were with us just a couple weeks ago, I was. We did an episode of Pride Stories, the podcast, and you did it as Honeybee yeah, your drag persona, and then just like the day afterwards a day later I got a message that was like hey, um, what do you think if I did it as my boy self? And I was like, yeah, absolutely so, I want to start there. Yeah, and why? Why?

Speaker 1:

first of all, disclaimer max told me we could reshoot, so I'm not just I'm happy to do it um, it was literally on my way back home and I was like I just don't know if that's gonna read the way that I want to present myself and think about it more in depthly. If we're doing like a pride story about this and if I'm presenting a character while doing a personable in quotation, a personable like podcast, it didn't really like one plus one wasn't adding up for me, and so I asked my partner and I was like hey, what do you think about this? And Taylor was like yeah, I think that makes a lot of sense because you're a lot more personable when I'm on a drag. So I just wanted to reshoot it and give a little more personal tale for it.

Speaker 2:

So I want to take that a step further, because I think that there's this interesting thing that happens in drag, where we present ourselves, where we have like you're, you're forced into a character, yeah, right, yeah. And and I think what happens a lot is, you know, if drag doesn't mimic life, I don't know what does. And as we, as we are smack dab in the middle of june, we're in the middle of pride month, or whoever is listening to this, and whenever they're listening to it, that idea of having to be somebody that you're not, or be more comfortable by not having to be yourself, is really like an interesting challenge that we face in the lgbtqia plus community so I was just wondering can you like, can you unpack that?

Speaker 1:

yeah, I want to let's unpack it a little bit. So I guarantee if you went back and watched that video and listened to the podcast of like what it would have been versus like what this is going to be right now probably even right now you notice a difference in, like, my tonality of my voice. It's not like really high pitched and like we're doing this. You know it's um, it's more like.

Speaker 1:

This is me in my daily life and while it's fun to be drag, I am not honey all the time. I love being her. People hate when I'm her, but I love being her, but I don't want to be here all the time. You know what I mean, which actually it's so fun too when we talk about like gender expression and gender identity. When I told my parents I was going to do a drag show for the first time, they were both super supportive. They're like yeah, let's do. It came to my attention later on that my dad was like really, really struggling with it and he was just like so does like Carter want to be a girl? And yada, yada, yada. And I'm like oh, absolutely not. So when we talk about like characterization of a, like of a, of a person like honey as a character versus like who I am and just like my daily life. There's a very, very big difference.

Speaker 2:

So I want to rewind way, way, way back, because Carter is one of my gavies 've known max for, I think this year, probably like 14, 15 years, which is crazy yeah, I mean so. So I was the state director of an organization called destination imagination when carter was a participant in it, a very successful participant who got to got all the way to global final several times. But take us back, introduce us to baby Carter and even teenage Carter.

Speaker 1:

Oh, my goodness, flashbacks, let's see. So, di or Destination Imagination when I was in it, I started in fourth grade and I think I finished. I don't think I did it my senior year but I did it my junior year, I'm pretty sure. Think I did it my senior year but I did it my junior year, I'm pretty sure. But essentially it was just like another organization for me to be a part of, to like see, like minded individuals and like who I saw running around in the school. And I went to a very small school.

Speaker 1:

So, like, when you got to be grouped up with the people that you were most similar to maybe not exactly, but you like align to the most it's really nice. You feel like you can be yourself a little bit more and as a queer kid in a small town north dakota, it makes a very, very big difference. I was, I feel like I was more social at that point. I still like secluded myself away from the world a lot, but, like, for the most part, I was very social with those people what was it like growing up in small town, north dakota?

Speaker 2:

and I believe like because, because you came out in high school, you were the I was only gay kid in your school.

Speaker 1:

It would have been the not like yeah your school's pretty gay actually, but like yeah, we'll talk about that later because, there's a lot of people that came out afterwards which I'm just like huh, who anyway we'll touch base on that.

Speaker 1:

Growing up I became. I became gay. I came out between my eighth and my ninth grade year. I don't remember what year that was, but I feel like I have been out for like 12 years. At this point I want to say it's been. I got my tenure in it, so that's good. But growing up gay there was nobody like me. I didn't see anybody like me.

Speaker 1:

I tend to stay to my video games and my video games and my video games. So I played a lot of Pokemon growing up and I still do love it very much too. It's great escape. But growing up that's all I did. I kind of disregarded to what anybody really thought of me. I still heard it and I still knew it was going on. But I was like you know what, if I'm playing this Pokemon game, they can't get me, so I'm just going to go back there and play that. So I say I wasn't bullied a lot growing up. I probably just didn't hear a majority of it because I didn't want to seek it out and I didn't want to hear it. So I played a lot of video games.

Speaker 1:

I did a lot of art, so I was in painting and drawing and all that stuff on there In elementary and middle school. I like summer classes for art. I went to international music camp for art for a couple years too. So, and heck, on top of that, I went to msum for two years for art as well. So like I really really enjoyed being creative and which drag allows me to do that now.

Speaker 1:

But yeah, I think I just like drew a lot. I like to disappear on that into like a different fantasy realm, if you will. So, um, like pokemon again, a great example for it Like that's just like a completely different universe, right, and like nobody really cares who's who in that universe. You know, you're just like, you do this and you're okay, that's fine, you know. So I kind of, in a sense, wish that my life were like video games, where I could just like go into this completely separate world and this separate universe and just like do what I do there and just like escape from the reality of world of the world, which I think you do a little bit in your drag persona.

Speaker 1:

I absolutely do that in my drag persona too, which is like why I think it ties in so nicely, because even from last time when we talked and like we touched base on this a little bit, I was like, oh yeah, that kind of that makes sense. So in drag, the reason I started doing drag, I at the time was not in a good relationship and I had an opportunity at the local campus to do like the drag show Steers and Queers, I believe, is what it was called and you can find photos on MSUM's website of Kitty's first show and it was. She looked a mess but it was fun.

Speaker 2:

I'm sorry, can we go back here for a second? Did you say?

Speaker 1:

Kitty. Yeah, my first drag name was not Honey.

Speaker 2:

What was your first drag name?

Speaker 1:

I told this to you last time and I was like so gooped, it was Kitty Defoe, that is not. If you've seen a picture of Honey and I hope we can post a picture of- Honey on there too.

Speaker 2:

We absolutely can.

Speaker 1:

You chat in the comments. Do you think that she looks like a kitty? Absolutely not, not at all, not at all. But yeah, I got to do drag at the show, so I did drag and I really, really enjoyed it. But it gave me an opportunity to step out of Carter for a little bit and, like step into somebody else's shoes where, like I didn't have to worry about all of Carter's problems. All I had to worry about that night was how long is this going to take my makeup? You know what I mean, because when I first started it it was like five hours, which is insane and, if I remember correctly, carter almost exclusively wore converse, didn't?

Speaker 2:

she was growing up. Yeah, oh yeah, absolutely so he went from like converse to uh four inch six inch, four inch.

Speaker 1:

I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry. I'm not stomping on any kitten heels I'm not doing that.

Speaker 2:

Four inches long anyway um I digress car. You'd mentioned, like in the beginning, your dad's experience with like understanding what is drag and what is this new thing that my son is into, and I'm wondering if you can kind of like take us back to that but also a little bit like reveal behind the curtain. I know you and your parents well enough that, like I know that you have a great relationship with them today. I that was a working progress.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, I would say like today, this age, I have a, this era of Carter, I have a great relationship with my parents. I feel like in a family sense of growing up around the time when I came out I really it was like I had it in my head that my dad and my brother did not want to be like associated with me for whatever stupid reason. In my head I thought that, but I was like, oh, I'm gay, they're straight. Like that's just, that's not going to mix very well, right? So I distanced myself quite a bit from having a relationship with them because of, like, my preconceived notion, without actually like talking to them about it.

Speaker 2:

So well, okay, let's, let's validate that preconceived notion just a little bit, because your brother and my brother are very similar parallels to you and I where, like we were like the artsy kids, we were the speech kids. We were the destination imagination and theater kids Right, and our brothers were both very successful athletes and we heard locker room talk Right, cause I don't know if, if central cast was like, I never heard locker room talk right, because I don't know if if central cast was like I never heard.

Speaker 1:

Never heard locker room talk. You kidding me. I wish I heard locker room talk. You're kidding me.

Speaker 2:

I mean, I don't know, that sounds really weird to say now, but but yeah, like I mean even like from gym class and stuff. Right, you heard some of the negative language that came out and absolutely and those like stereotypes of adolescent boys.

Speaker 1:

using really like derogatory language is not like a stereotype unfounded, and so it's not crazy that you thought that that would be both your brother and even your dad, a date or whatever that my brother or my dad ever said, any slur towards me, any vulgarity, nothing of the sorts. You know what I mean. So just to put that out there.

Speaker 2:

Same with mine, same with mine. Great, great, great, little asterisk.

Speaker 1:

So no, they didn't.

Speaker 2:

But those are real things and real assumptions of the towns that we grew up in.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, so like, growing up with that in my head, I'm like, oh, they don't want to have a relationship with me. So like I just like like I did to a lot of other people it's just like I would escape to my own little world and wouldn't have to deal with anything. So, but growing up in my adult life, I'd have conversations with my parents about this. My mom has specifically told me that she loves having adult because of like the just like adult conversations you can have and like the humor and everything on there too. But as an adult me, as a queer man being so open and genuine about my life makes my relationship with my parents so much stronger. It makes my relationship with my brother so much stronger and like I'm still, I feel like working on a relationship with my brother too, but like it's a lot better than what it was what are the steps that you've taken to improve that relationship?

Speaker 1:

what I've done in my relationships with I feel like it's different for my brother and my dad. So I feel like with my dad it's like actively trying to have a conversation or actively I feel like with my dad it's actively trying to better the relationship, instead of just like it is what it is.

Speaker 2:

You know, because I've never worked towards it, I'm not going to achieve what I want out of it as you just think about, like the conversation that we're having today versus the conversation that we had as honey. You get to be your real self. You get to be your authentic self. Yeah, you don't have to play a part, and I think that is sometimes the hardest thing.

Speaker 1:

It's vulnerability that we do and like I don't mind talking about myself very much like the things that I've gone through, the struggles that I've gone through, so I can like help other people get through it and be like, hey, I'm here for support if you need it, but I don't know. Know, I feel like part of this, like I I definitely have not had a conversation like about any of this to my dad. So like the part of saying it here live in the podcast, um, and like knowing he's going to listen to it, and even stuff now that goes on in my personal life, like talking to my family about it, it's like it's. It's real shit, it's hard shit, but it's like that's my story and I want you to be involved. You know what I mean. So I'm just like my whole body shaking right now. That's so weird. One thing I always tell my clients is when they're feeling like too much, it's just like breathe. Best thing you can do for yourself is breathe.

Speaker 2:

We do three deep breaths.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, and then as an adult, I'm excited to share more in depth parts of my life with my family. Part of it's really scary. They're not going to be like upset with you or disappointed. I mean, they might be a little disappointed, but they're always going to be there for love and support, which is definitely a big thing for me. I feel like in my life I am a big pillar of support for a lot of people. A lot of people, a lot of individuals, communities, just whatever the case is. And so oftentimes, as I am the big pillar of support, it's nice to know that, like with friends and like chosen family and you know my family, family and everything like it's nice to let the walls down and like be able to lean on other people for that, especially when it's been like for such a long time that I feel like I was never able to do that Like with other people.

Speaker 2:

I felt like I always had to be that big pillar of support you know not to put on my dime store psychology hat, but that's, it's childhood trauma, right? Kind of bubbling bubbling up, bubbling bubbling nut. I think one thing that I'm so impressed by with you is your ability and your drive to make change as well. Right, like, I think one thing that I've seen, and one thing that you were just talking about was the relationship with your dad and your brother, is because you put in the work yeah you put in the effort.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, you put it right. You, you sought them out as much, or probably more, than they sought you out, and I think one of the sad things, uh, about our community is how quickly we give up on our parents, we give up on our friends, we give up on those that don't exactly see us the first time that we, I'm going to say, present our new selves, because the thing that I think a lot of people don't understand is two things can be true at once you can be mourning the loss of this thing that you thought somebody was or somebody was going to become, while also being excited and delighted at them being their truest, authentic self.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, about like mourning the loss of what you think somebody is versus like being very happy about who they are going to be. Yeah, I feel like from the perspective of like a parent or a brother. I think is what you're kind of getting at from that. Yeah, yeah, it's true, but it's, at the same time, the difference between like me before I came out and me after I came out. What, honestly, was the difference? You know, aside from like maybe being a little like freer and a little bit lighter, but I was still playing my video games, I was still drawing my art, I was still listening to the very bad radio music that was on at the time.

Speaker 2:

So, carter, you are always driven to do new things, try new things, go out on a ledge for something that you believe in and that's really translated into your life as an entrepreneur. Yeah, can you tell us, like, what does Carter do today? Like, hopefully the tens of people that are listening will reach out.

Speaker 1:

There is more than tens of people that listen to this. Max, you have a bigger following. It's in the twenties. It's in the twenties. Thank you very much. So I am.

Speaker 1:

I was actually thinking about this on my way here. I was like, how am I going to introduce myself? And it's funny that we talk about change a little bit, because I identify myself with the air nomads of Avatar, the Last Airbender and what is the Air Nation. But nothing but ebb and flow and change. You go with the flow, you flow with it and like where is that going to take you? So it's funny to talk about change earlier.

Speaker 1:

But I am a professional body piercer. I've been working as a piercer for the last six years. I first started getting piercings in high school after I turned 18 and I was like I got my lobes and I was like, oh, it's kind of fun. Then I got my septum and then I got my lobes and then I got my tragus and then my rook and then my, my helix and my other helix and my other tragus and my conch and it just like snowballed downhill right, excuse you I said conch, that is a part of the ear, max I was like ma'am, we're gonna bleep that out, you're getting an ad, I don't actually know like anything you said except septum, yeah so just the.

Speaker 1:

I got all the different things in my ear. I can see it right now.

Speaker 2:

It's oh my ears are decked out.

Speaker 1:

I have 30, some piercings right now, but anyway, um, back when I was in high school I was getting these piercings right now. But anyway, back when I was in high school I was getting these piercings and I remember a lot of judgment that came from getting these piercings and I was like, so, just like baffled by it. I was friends with the known pothead in high school and we hung out a lot, but I had a mutual teacher ask her if I was on drugs because I was getting piercings and I was like, oh bam, first of all, you are asking the wrong, asking the wrong person about that. But yeah, no, I would just. And it's so strange that it was like something so out of the blue, out of the ordinary, like I'm getting my piercings as a male in this, like really small, you know the small town.

Speaker 1:

So I think it's really interesting talking about the piercings as well, because my senior year I came across this quote that was very influential and monumental on me and I'll say it right now Everything you want is on the other side of fear. It's by George Adair. I don't know who he is, but I came across this quote and I was, like in high school, really concerned with, like oh gosh, people are noticing that I'm getting piercings and I'm like, from wanting to hide myself away for many years in elementary to middle school, even up to, like, middle high school all of a sudden there was like a switch and a flip that I was like you know what I want to be in that spotlight? I want to be me, I want to show this off. So it was interesting and difficult when people were like whispering about me because I was so not used to that. But anyway, I came across this quote and I was like, oh no, that's like really, really true.

Speaker 1:

Everything that I want for these piercings, I want to get these piercings, I want to look badass, I want to look fun, I want to be me. And even now, as I apply that to not only getting my piercings and getting my tattoos but doing drag, starting my video game, streaming, you know anything that I'm doing, I'm like I want to do it. So why? Why am I going to present, prevent myself from doing something that I want to do, all because of judgment of other people? That doesn't make sense to me, especially not as a 27 year old. Now, that makes no sense to me. Why would I stop what I want to do Just because somebody says that they don't like it? Well, if you don't like it, look away, flip the channel, you don't have to watch.

Speaker 2:

So for you, piercings were far beyond just cosmetic. It really did. Yeah, I mean now that we have a whole new side of you that allowed you to be a freer, more authentic version of yourself.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, that way, now that we verbalize it in such a way like this no, it really did. It really really did, which also, in turn, allowed me to be like more social with people. I think that's the one thing that like piercings and tattoos like people. It's like a double-edged sword. People like to get the tattoos because they want to be like different, which is totally fine I'm the same way but in the same breath, like that opens up like such a a conversation for people to be like oh my god, I want to talk about your tattoos. It's a community, and for the people that don't like to talk to people and they're getting tattoos, you're gonna get that question asked. Yeah, but it's a really big community.

Speaker 1:

You know, I found a lot of home and familiarity in the piercing, tattoo and body modification industry. I have a work wife. His name's Nate Hi Nate, I hope you're listening to this, but he's just like my favorite in the shop. Every time I, if I have personally have a struggle with something, I know I can talk to him and I know he can like give some solid advice and be like I think you're doing great or you need help or whatever the case is on there. So, and even with drag, it's the same thing too. You know it's community I, my best friend, cyber soda. She's going to love the attention from this podcast. She's kind of the same way. We got to know each other when we first started drag in fargo 2018. So it's six years now. Six years she's been a pain in my ass oh, that's love that's love right there.

Speaker 1:

Yes, but she's the same way. You know, if in we're kind of like a pillar for each other, you know if I am going through something, she's able to help me. I've got a lot happened to me this year, unfortunately, unfortunately, and she's been there for all of it.

Speaker 2:

For those that don't know, can you paint the scene for what the Fargo drag scene is in 2024 in Fargo?

Speaker 1:

The drag scene in 2020-20. Whoa 2020-20.

Speaker 2:

We are in the future, we're in the future, we're really in the future.

Speaker 1:

That's where Cyber's from. She's from the future the drag scene, fargo 2024. There is a lot of entertainers in town and it's great. It's diverse. There's a lot of people. There's people that are doing shows as like theater shows, which is really fun. There are people such like me and Cyber that we're kind of like branching out and creating what's going to be called the Cyber Hive. We're like me and cyber that we're kind of like branching out and creating what's going to be called the cyber hive. Um, we're kind of in the process with it right now, but doing shows and just like a collection of all of our artistic ideas and everything on there. We have fm drag. They do monthly, if not two times a month, shows at the local vfw downtown, which is interesting to have the vfw synonymous with drag. But they thought for everyone's freedom you're damn right damn right.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, there's just like a lot of different drag in town and I love that. There's just people reaching out to do different shows and there's like bringing people in from like the cities or from like sioux falls or whatever the case is on there.

Speaker 2:

So which is actually a really significant departure from where it was just a few years ago, when you said you started in 2018 2018.

Speaker 1:

What I remember from 2018 about the drag scene oh gosh, it was fine for what it was for, when we had the shows every so often and we had that one gay bar way, way north of moorhead for, oh, the sanctuary.

Speaker 2:

I'm pretty sure it was called the sanctuary I think it was called the sanctuary and I think was it open for like two years it was not open for very long.

Speaker 1:

I went to like two shows there, yeah. So from the swing of that, all of a sudden into like doing shows more frequently, like once a month. You know there was a couple of trips in 2018 and then there was another one in 2019 and then one dropped and then we got two more and then we dropped three. You know the back and forth of all that. But the swing and progression of like 2018 going up through all the years and with all the all the entertainers in town you know, new and old that have been doing it for six, seven years at this point versus who have been like just picked it up a couple weeks ago it's just a community for everyone to kind of get involved in.

Speaker 1:

You know it's fun to go to pride in the park in full drag because, regardless if I know anybody, somebody knows me and, as vain as that sounds, it's just, it's like representation being there, you know. So it's very nice being a part of the drag community here and being like a staple of that community, because people know that they're safe around me, which I translate into my business practice as well with like completely, I'm a queer owned business. If I'm not a safe space, you know what I mean. Like why am I a queer owned business then?

Speaker 2:

So stop there for a moment. What does it mean to be in a safe space? Let me paint a picture for you, please.

Speaker 1:

If I am at the shop, you know getting somebody checked in and this person is non-binary or they're very queer, outly queer, whatever the case is on there and like if one of the guys getting tattooeded like walked by and would have said something under their breath, I immediately, without a doubt, would have went to the artist and I said I will pay you for the rest of your time. This man is not getting tattooed anymore today. You do not get to walk into my house and shit on me and tell me how things are done. When it is my house.

Speaker 1:

I'm very protective of the people in my life, in the community, my life. I've worked so hard to get to the the that I am today and I'm not going to let anybody walk in anybody else's parade or ruin anybody else's parade because of that. I don't care if you are feel so entitled that you need to have your opinions out there for the world or whatever. I do not care. I will. I will do everything in my power to stop you from getting what you want in this immediate situation. You can't just walk in my house and take a shit on me that's not how it's going to work and then have no repercussions afterwards. That's not how it works.

Speaker 2:

Let's talk about the future. What's the future for? What's the future of Honey? Oh, gosh.

Speaker 1:

So it's actually interesting. I don't like to live my life online. I'm a very much like I've always said this for years and think of what you will of it. I'm like honey is a very much an in-person experience. If you see videos of me performing, yeah, they're great, but like it's, it's so much better going to like the live show and actually like witnessing what's going on, you know, and so, um, I don't do a lot of pictures, even in my personal life, on on my like, my personal Facebook, like. I don't post a lot other than like when I think when I graduated college in 2019, you know, like, I posted about that, you know the good stuff, but as far as pictures of me, I just don't post a lot. So what's in the future for Honey, though, and for Carter and Honey? In that regard, I'm getting into my digital era, which is interesting.

Speaker 1:

One of my banes of my existence with my business is like having to post on social media. You take the picture, you edit the picture, you got to post it, you got to time it, you got to like, caption it, hashtag it. At certain times of the day when the moon's just right and there's like a fire going on somewhere. You know it's going to be very particular right. But me, my future I'm getting into more of my digital era, so taking more pictures, getting into drag more often just to have fun with it, rather than like I've never viewed drag as a job and I feel like I'm fortunate that I don't have to view it as a job. It's very much an expensive hobby. But now that we're doing like more photo shoots and we're starting this like little production stuff and we're wanting to do better for ourselves and like better for the drag community and everything, I get to be online more often. So actually posting on what I'm up to is going to be really fun.

Speaker 1:

And then even me for Carter, what's in the future for me? I think Fargo is a great place to get all your ducks in order and it's a great place to secure your finances, secure education, experience. Whatever the case may be, I feel like for the past several years several years now I have farly outstayed my welcome in Fargo and not like that. I'm not welcome here anymore, but it's just like what more does this town have to offer me? You know I'm hoping in the next several years to get married, move out of state. Hey, east Coast, take me and just like, live and see what else life has in store for me.

Speaker 1:

You know, I want to talk a little bit about, really, really quick, about like pillars of support and everything. I think I mentioned it earlier. I feel like I am a big pillar of support for a lot of people and oftentimes, when a lot of turmoil and tragedies happen in my life, I feel like I am a big pillar of support for a lot of people and oftentimes, when a lot of turmoil and tragedies happen in my life, I feel like the pillar needs a little support. You know what I mean. I need a flying buttress, if you know architecture.

Speaker 2:

I do. I'm very familiar with the flying buttress.

Speaker 1:

As you should be, but I feel like I need one of those sometime. You know, being a big pillar of support, I need to get like the extra supports on top, you know, and I oftentimes don't think that in communities that I have that I am able to receive that full support when I'm struggling. However, I have found someone. Well, it's been like four years now, but I have found someone that I'm able to kind of let my guard down around and have them kind of pick me up when I'm feeling really low.

Speaker 2:

Can you tell me more?

Speaker 1:

Yeah, Taylor, this is for you. I'm getting choked up right now. Taylor, I love you so much and everything that you do for me. When I am feeling so weak and I can't pick myself up, you're always there, and even when you're having a hard time, you're always making sure that I'm there to be picked up as well and I'm taken care of. And I feel that, although I am a very, very strong person, I still have my weak moments. Taylor, will you marry me Like true, truthfully, truthfully and honest to God. Will you please marry me? I know we've talked about marriage and I've never really been able to give you this like big hurrah. I would really, really, really love if you became my husband. Taylor, I love you so much. I'm literally crying so much right now.

Speaker 2:

First of all, amazing. I want to find the sound effect, so we may have to go through a couple of these, if they're not the right one.

Speaker 2:

Oh wait, that's not right. That was the right one. It's the right one. Okay, so we've never had a proposal on Pride Stories, the podcast, so this feels very exciting. Also feels like we need to figure out the logistics when, inevitably, taylor is going to say yes, yeah Well, I mean you need to give a full report so we can like insert it into this as well. I'm going to have to do that.

Speaker 1:

Yeah Well, I mean you need to give a full report so we can like insert it into this as well. I'm going to have to do that. Yeah, I'll see if I can. I have like one of those little phone mic, boom things that I'll just be like. Yeah, just very, I'll just very casually, nonchalantly listen, have it on my lapel, right. But yeah, I don't know, taylor, I just love them so much.

Speaker 2:

You kind of talked about why you love them, why forever.

Speaker 1:

I've been in a relationship a time or two in my life. I've been the issue in relationships. I've been, you know, the one trying to fix everything in relationships and everything. I can genuinely say that in any other relationship I've been in, I've like always been able to envision myself not being with them and like I'm totally fine, right, like yeah, like if things go bad, like whatever. But you got yourself right With as long as I've been with Taylor and all the traumatic experiences we've been through together, it's it's not something in my head that is like I can easily see or want to see not being with Taylor.

Speaker 1:

Anytime we have a disagreement or an argument on something, I am able to sit down and say like hey, um, positive, positive and good boundaries and everything Be like hey, I didn't like that, you did this to me. This made me feel this way. And Taylor goes oh, I'm so sorry, that was not my intention. I um, um, I'll work on it in the future. Um, but like let's talk about it some more. And we said talk about it. And now, all of a sudden, an argument that in a past relationship would have been like thursday, friday, saturday, sunday, it's done in 15 minutes. And then you sit there going. I feel like there should be more to this. You know what I mean. Mean, so I just I feel like Taylor's always got my back in everything that I do, you know, and anything that I, even right now with, like my streaming stuff, you know, taylor's like, yeah, I think you'd be really good at that, I think it'd be really fun and, matter of fact, like I might want to do it. And then with my drag stuff and like starting this new little production stuff. You know they're always supportive and everything I'm doing, and me likewise for them too, and everything they're doing.

Speaker 1:

So it just I've never felt a love or found a love like I've had for Taylor in my several years of dating history, and it's it's so curious because, like the way we started everything as well, it was just I, taylor and I started in a polyamorous relationship with a third person. Right, we were all together for like three years. Fortunately, things didn't work out, but then Taylor and I were still together, being friends with Taylor, with like no expectations of what this could become, and then for it to just so naturally evolve into this was so, so wonderful, super unexpected. And also, who thinks you're going gonna find a polyamorous relationship in fargo, north dakota, of all places. You know what I mean. But to like, find that love and like, be there for that person consistently with like, no waiver of like, if, if, is this not gonna work. You know what I mean.

Speaker 1:

I think that's maybe that's what I wanted, wanted to say earlier instead of like can never envision myself with them. I've never not envisioned myself without them. To like when I think about my future and like where I'm at I'm in the east coast, piercing my heart out and doing drag. Meanwhile, I come back home and Taylor and I are playing video games on the couch. Do you know what I mean? And that's in, I don't know, 2030, 20. I don't even know Is it 2020?

Speaker 1:

2020?.

Speaker 2:

We have that 2020 vision I saw I don't know if it was a YouTube video or TikTok just not so long ago and it was something along the lines of when you find the right person, when you find your person, it doesn't matter if you say the right thing, because everything is the right thing. Yeah, right, it doesn't matter what you say, how you say it and those types of things, because they will understand, yeah, they will forgive, they will be there for you, they will be ready to apologize, they will like, because the relationship is so important, and I think that that creates a really beautiful through line from how we started this conversation, talking about your parents and your brother and your relationship with them, where it doesn't matter who Carter was. It matters who Carter is, yeah, and they choose you and Taylor chooses you every day and you get to choose Taylor every day.

Speaker 1:

You're going to make me cry again, max. Well, it's, it is true, it is.

Speaker 2:

It's a beautiful through line, yeah, and I think it's inspirational and it's also aspirational for people that maybe don't believe that they deserve that, because there's a lot of people in our community that don't believe that they deserve love from their family, don't deserve love from their church, don't deserve love from a significant other. What do you have to say to them?

Speaker 1:

I would say that everyone deserves love. If you don't think that you deserve love, you do deserve love. I mean, that's what not only like friendships are, but like intimate personal relationships and relationships you have with your family. You know. So, just because it was like something that you're so trained and conditioned to not receiving doesn't mean that you're not worthy or not valid of receiving. You know what I mean. And there is there's work that you had to put into it as well. You know it's not just something that I mean. Love is something that you get should be getting, like unconditional from you know, your friends and your family, but there's also there's also a certain level of like working for it.

Speaker 1:

And I say this in regards to like my dad and my brother growing up versus like my dad and my brother Now. It's like I knew that these relationships in my life were not the strongest and I wanted to strengthen those relationships, and so the only thing in regards to strengthen that relationship is to go out and strengthen that relationship, whether it's like going skydiving with your dad for Father's Day I didn't go yesterday, but I'm going in a couple weeks or in a month or so with my dad, so like things like that. You know what I mean. Like he's always wanted to go. I've always wanted to go. I'm like you know what Father-son bonding experience. This would be great.

Speaker 2:

So what's really powerful and what you just said, is that unconditional love doesn't mean that it's not hard work, yeah. It doesn't mean that you don't have to put in the effort. You are 100% responsible for your 50%. Yes, right, and like putting in the work, putting in the effort also tells the other person that you care about them and if they're not meeting that that's their problem.

Speaker 1:

I would say there's like the other flip half of that. I think we touched base on that earlier about essentially like a boundary being put into place. You know what I mean? I'm a firm believer in boundaries. 2024 has been an experience thus far, but it's transformative and it's learned, it's helping me. The way that you're countering that is like by overpouring and overpouring and that person's just like yo. That's a lot. I think it's important to understand if you feel like you're doing too much, but not necessarily just the sense of feeling like you're doing too much, but like if you are noticing that that other person is not picking up that 50%. You know, are you pouring into this cup so much that because you want it to be full, or are you pouring into this cup because you both want it?

Speaker 2:

to be full. You know what I mean? Yeah, powerful advice.

Speaker 1:

That's my. Would you call it your 10 cent psychiatry hat? Or?

Speaker 2:

something. Oh yeah, my dime store psychology hat.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, absolutely.

Speaker 2:

My dime store psychology degree, carter, thank you so much for joining us on pride stories, the podcast.

Speaker 2:

as carter thank you so much for having me I for one so appreciate you coming on and sharing in addition to honey sharing, carter because what I noticed is we got so much deeper, we have so many more like real authentic conversations. When you got to kind of take off the eyelashes and the persona, they were fabulous. But you know, I think it's really important, as we kind of wrap up pride month, that we encourage folks to, you know, shed the drag a little bit to bring out your authentic stories and then put that drag right back on to do the catwalk which I want to add to that.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, drag Queens are people too. They have feelings. What Weird Finish that thought that was just being silly. Oh, okay, I was. No, I was that was just being silly.

Speaker 2:

Oh, okay, that was just being silly.

Speaker 1:

I was like I don't know Drug queens have feelings, too right, we'll shed our skin, we cry, then we put it back on and we're like bad, fierce bitches that don't cry, just kidding. You can cry if you want to. Crying does not. On Pride Stories, a podcast. Where can people find you?

Speaker 2:

Alrighty folks. So if you want to get oh my God, why did you intro it like an old-timey radio voice All right folks. Here's where you're going to find us. That's all folks.

Speaker 1:

Was I in Porky Pig? I'll do that. No, alrighty, you can find me at my socials. If you want to see some gay shit, legal Gay shit, legal gay shit, you can jump to my drag Instagram at honeybeemine. Also, on Twitch, I'm playing some video games. So if you'd like to chill, relax, follow my stuff on Instagram which is linked with Twitch, at honeybeemine. And if you'd like to get a piercing by me, you can follow me on my piercing Instagram at piercingsbyhoney. Or if you'd like to jump to the addictions website, addictions tattoocom, there is an online booking feature. Just type in the comments. Hey, girly, I heard you on that podcast, xoxo, and I will know where you came from.

Speaker 2:

I also love that. I think you're the first guest to like look directly at the camera and be like well, here's how you find me.

Speaker 1:

Girl knows like look directly at the camera and be like well, here's how you find me.

Speaker 2:

Girl knows how to work I know my angles are all right. Friend, thank you, and go see honey, and go uh, invest in your relationships also and give us a re. Oh my god, what now?

Speaker 1:

I just have. I'm so sorry you. I just love to go. It's the Midwest.

Speaker 2:

Goodbye, right, oh my god, it is, it totally is. Well, I gotta go, okay.

Speaker 1:

If you like to see me Perform, cyber and I Are putting on a show At the Aquarium July 12th. I don't know what time it starts we haven't selected the time yet but it's like A little dance party, dance event.

Speaker 2:

But I'll be there is it gonna start on drag time? So you put like eight o'clock and it actually starts at 10, 30, I'll tell you drag because, I'm old and I can't stay up that late drag time on.

Speaker 1:

My time starts when it starts. Okay, I'm type a bitch, I'm we're starting and we're we're starting at. Whenever I say we're starting is when we're going. But if you want to see me, do some drag, do some pretty, pretty drag. Um, please go to see you. I don't even there's no plug for it she doesn't have a worry, we will put.

Speaker 2:

We'll put the links. She'll take it under there we'll put the links in here. All right, on that note, we gotta wrap this thing up. This is the longest pride story ever. Uh, my car's still running I gotta go gotta go all right.

Speaker 2:

Go All right. Bye, honey, bye Carter, thanks, bye, bye. Thank you for listening to Pride Stories, the podcast. I'm your host, max Kringen, and it's been an honor to bring this story to your ears. Pride Stories is proudly presented by Tellwell Story Co and Studio. We have an incredible team that makes this podcast possible every single week. If you've been inspired, moved or entertained by anything you've heard in this episode, please consider supporting our mission. You can do that by subscribing to the podcast, leave a five-star review or simply share it with a friend or family member. Your support helps keep the stories alive and resonating, and if you feel compelled to share your own pride story, we'd be honored to listen. Please visit the link in the description of this episode to get in touch. No matter where you are in your journey, whether you're out and proud or just finding your voice, remember you have a story to tell and it deserves to be heard.