Ditch Perfection Embrace Progress and Crush Your Goals

Remember that time when you had a dream, but the road seemed too long and the mountain too high? Join me on a journey as I relive my decision to chase my dream of performing in musical theater, and the small but powerful steps I took to make it a reality. Coupled with this weeks Tea Gunpowder green tea, I'll take you through the potholes and the peaks, as we talk about the importance of embracing the process, focusing on progress and not perfection. We'll break down dreams into bite-sized pieces, and learn why every tiny step moves us closer to the summit.

But, that's not all. Ever wondered why some people seem to stumble upon opportunities while others wait forever? It's not luck, it's the power of saying 'yes.' I'll share how a job I initially considered insignificant bloomed into the chance to live my dream on stage. Together, we'll explore the potential hidden in every opportunity and the profound impact of consistency in achieving our goals. So, grab your favorite cup, and let's chat about dreams, small steps, and the magic word - 'yes.

Transcript

TJ: 0:15

Hey friends, it's TJ. And you're listening to Tea with TJ, where our love for tea, conversation and self-improvement intersect. So let's take a deeper dive into my cup and let's have a chat. Hey friends, it's TJ. So today I am having a cup of gunpowder green tea. It's really delicious. It kind of reminds me of sencha in a way. It's kind of nutty, a little grassy, like full body. It's really good. If you have not tried it, you should totally try it.

TJ: 0:59

But I wanted to jump in today and talk about gains, and not just gym gains, I mean gains in life and how each step forward in that progress is a step towards your ultimate goal. So we often hear people say strife for progress, not perfection, and to a degree I feel like that is quite appropriate and I think there is some value in trying to obtain a certain goal by any means necessary. And then, at least for me, that's what I tie with perfection of like trying to achieve something no matter what. But trying to be quote unquote perfect can be a little bit paralyzing, I think. You know it sets like an unsustainable and unattainable standard in a certain way that often leads to like frustration and burnout instead of actually like focusing on the progress and those small, consistent steps that ultimately get you closer to your dreams.

TJ: 2:20

I remember when I first went to college and decided to go into musical theater and it was this very large, momentous decision that I made in my life and I remember thinking, ok, we're doing this week, this is the decision we're making, this is the life that we're trying to lead because, you know, I, when I was younger, I had an experience with show that came through my town on tour that for the first time, I think at that moment in time in my life, I had saw something that was representative of me and that I felt like I could be a part of, where there was, there was an entry point, entry point for me, and I feel like we all have those things where, you know, you, it clicks for you in your, your like. This is what I want to do with the rest of my life and for me that was theater and specifically acting, but instead of like, aiming for and this came years later but instead of like, aiming for this, you know, perfectionist version of what I wanted to do with my life, because I didn't really know a whole bunch about theater when I got to college I really kind of allowed myself to open up to the process and open myself up to all of those incremental steps that I had to take to get on Broadway, to, you know, do a national tour, to book my first regional gig, to ultimately do like TV and film. And I remember sitting in that room that first day on that enacting class, and trying to digest and comprehend that I was here, right, like I think oftentimes we kind of lose our vision a little bit when we're working towards something and we're chugging along, and when we finally get it like being able to really comprehend, I'm like, oh, I'm here, I did this, okay, all right, let's go. But I remember being in that position and telling myself like it clicked for me and telling myself that, okay, we have an opportunity now, this is the moment, this is the choice that I get to make, that I can be successful at this and that I can put in the time and effort and put in the energy to make sure and ensure that I am going to be the best version of myself in this as I can.

TJ: 5:11

And I it was not perfect, right, those years in acting school I learned a lot and I also didn't learn enough. I stumbled right, I broke a few times, I was burned out, I wanted to quit, I wanted to, you know, say well, why don't I just go teach, why don't I just go back home and figure something else out? But looking back now, because, again, it's harder when you're in the moment and when you're doing it daily. But looking back at it now, I didn't give up. I kept trying to digest these bite-sized moments and these bite-sized steps to ensure that I made it to the end goal, which at that time was, you know, just finishing the program. Right, like I wasn't like. Ultimately, yes, the goal was moving to New York and working in the industry full-time and being a working professional.

TJ: 6:15

But taking those four years and breaking it down, you know, from year one to two, I was focused on just making it through that year, and I think it can be a little tricky, but you have to know the difference between pushing yourself and motivating yourself, and I think that is the slight nuance that allows us and allows a lot of people to truly be successful, because you're no longer thinking, oh well, I'm trying to get to point B over here, but I don't know what the journey is from A to B Right. So I just challenge you to, you know, whatever your dreams or your goals are, to really start to kind of break those things down and understand the little nuances and the little baby steps that need to happen in between so that you can actually get to that end goal. You know, really think about that and consider that as you start to digest these bigger goals that you have in your life or these dreams, all of these little nuanced steps that have to happen in between. I also want to bring up how important it is and how powerful your yes can be.

TJ: 7:33

I remember finishing that program and moving to New York and having this little bit of like self-doubt and this fear kind of embedded in me, being in this bigger city and trying to compete with, you know, all of these other actors and afraid of taking an opportunity that presented itself that could help me further my aspirations. And I want to be specific because I know that it can be slightly confusing when I say that, because I'm working towards all of these things. But what I mean is I remember when I moved here and I was auditioning very heavily and like going to all of these open calls and getting callbacks and doing things, but because I was just throwing everything to the wall and I'm not being specific enough with what I wanted. The universe threw me stuff right, it threw me opportunities, but I was afraid to say yes to certain things because then it would pigeonhole me into well, I'm only doing these things right, or my perception of myself was that I was going to be typed, cast or put into a box because I have this other thing on my resume that doesn't match my intention with myself and I with. With that in mind, I think it's so imperative and so valuable for us to understand the power of our yes, because there's a way to take that opportunity and say yes to that opportunity but then build upon that.

TJ: 9:13

So I took a job it was a children's theater tour and I remember very distinctly debating well, I could stay over here because I have this great job that's paying the bills and that's helping me to survive and allowing me to audition every day, you know, free of stress and worry. But I have this. I have this acting job that I have been working towards and trying to get to that next level in trying to, you know, put myself out there in front of the right people, in front of the right casting directors to hopefully, you know, launch me towards something greater. And I remember sitting for about like a day and a half I sat with that, with that email, and really contemplating of like, do I do this or do I stay here? Ultimately, I said yes and I realized about four months into the tour how important it was for me to say that yes, how imperative it was, because not only did it allow me to go out and chase this dream that I have been striving for for years, which was to perform on stage, but it also allowed me to understand and comprehend that, in saying yes to this, I released the fear that I had about staying put Right. I released, you know, the worries and the dread of, well, if I leave this job, you know, can I come back or like what's going to happen after the fact? I didn't allow myself to like backpedal and then think about all of that baggage that I had tied to leaving the city for the first time to go on a tour.

TJ: 11:03

I learned so much in that time on tour and it was it's in my top, I would say three or four theatrical experiences that I've had in my life that fulfilled me in a certain way that not taking the show aspect out of it, the experience was worth the time spent doing that job. I learned on that tour how valuable your yes can be and how powerful it can be that will ultimately set you up for the bigger projects or the bigger dreams that you have lined up for yourself, and how saying yes could lead to incredible gains in life. Because I left that show, that tour ended, I came back to New York for I think maybe it was like eight months and then I booked another job that took me out of town. That to this day is my number one best theatrical endeavor that I have ever done. Like I was most proud of myself in that show and the crazy thing is it wasn't a huge show, it was a regional gig that we put on tour for like two months of the contract and I was gone for maybe like six months, I think it was.

TJ: 12:26

But it fed me creatively and it allowed me to objectively look at myself and what people who see me on stage or people who are casting me in things to really see what they see. Because it was one of those shows that, like I auditioned for it and I wanted it but like I didn't think that I was gonna actually get it, I was doing it because that's what you're supposed to do. You're supposed to go in there, audition for as many things, right, and whatever comes comes. But it opened up to my mind of what I was capable of and doing that show, and with that in mind, progress can be so fickle and tricky. It's not just about starting, but it's about maintaining the momentum. It takes effort to keep it moving, but once it's rolling like it's rolling, the key, I think, is consistency. Right, there has to be some sort of consistency that you're able to provide to those gains, to those steps to get to that end goal. Because if you don't have consistency in that, then you're not allowing yourself to really work at your full potential.

TJ: 13:50

Because if you say I'm going after this thing and I know I'm checking off the list, I'm going after this dream, I know that these are the seven steps that I have to go through to achieve this thing. But if you're passively like, oh well, I'm gonna do step one today, I'm gonna do step two a year from now, I'm gonna do step three, five years from now, I'm gonna do step you know, five, six, seven, whatever 10 years from now, but very passively pursuing it and not actively engaging with it. That's when, I think, we lose sight of our dreams and we get into those ruts where we feel like life is crumbling. Now, however, I will say that you know some particular goals and dreams require that amount of time in between each step, right, you know there, if you're purchasing a home or if you're moving to another city, like it might take a bit of planning that will delay your immediate progress, bar to like slow down a little bit, which is totally fine, but in that idea and in that timeline, consistency is still key. If you're actively, still working towards those things and you're saying, okay, I have step one today and step two can't happen until next year, what are you doing in between those things? What are you doing at the micro level to ensure that you get to step two at that time? And I think the trick to maintaining that consistency is establishing and like setting achievable goals to really make that happen. Right, and I mean that like establishing routines, right. So you know, if you are let's take the gym, for example you know that a summer body does not happen overnight. You know that it takes weeks, months, some for some years to achieve their ideal size. But you don't give up after month three, after 90 days, right? You don't give up after day two. You also don't expect to see results in that timeframe necessarily, right. And life is very much similar to that idea that you have to create these routines and these structures a little bit to kind of help you flow, to kind of keep you on track, to maintaining those goals and ultimately consistency through those little micro routines.

TJ: 16:34

One of my biggest routines for acting is making sure that I'm singing every day. You know it's so easy, especially in musical theater, if I'm not auditioning and I'm not booking a job, to let that muscle and that technique go to the background. And so I try really hard to sing something once a day. And you know I'm grateful to have a certain level of technique to where I don't necessarily need to practice for an hour a day, but at minimum I try to sing 30 minutes a day, even if it's just, you know, not something full voice but just something to exercise that muscle so that it doesn't go dormant. And I think using that analogy in life is so helpful because if I'm allowing myself to be dormant, but I still had this expectation of achieving these goals. How am I gonna get there right? I have to be active in that. I have to maintain those structures and those routines to make sure that the momentum is there, the consistency is there to get me to that end goal, no matter how long it takes to make sure that I get to that end goal.

TJ: 17:55

Which brings me to this idea of pushing versus motivating, because I feel like in the society that we have now, oftentimes we get hung up on oh, I have to go, go, go, go, go go. If I'm not doing something, I'm not doing anything, and so we cause ourselves to constantly push ourselves when our bodies are saying we need to rest, when our minds are saying we need a break or that we're burned out, when physically, emotionally, mentally, we are just not in the best place to continue to put on all of these structures and ideas and thoughts to go out into the world and achieve all of those things, and it causes us to be kind of overwhelmed, right? And then that's how you end up with well, fuck it, I don't wanna do it, right, that's how you end up with. Well, I think this is just not for me. I don't think that's true.

TJ: 19:00

I think what is true is that if we put, if we put these structures and these routines and the consistency and the momentum into this dream that we have, you'll achieve it. You will so achieve it, and then it'll still allow you the time and space to take breaks within that structure, right, it'll still allow you to say, oh, my body is out of whack today. I need to rest, I need a day for myself, I need a mental day to just kind of decompress and let go of some things, instead of trying to constantly push through and thinking, well, if I let go of it today, it's never gonna come back to me. I don't think that's true. Right, like I think there's value in separating this idea of pushing versus motivating yourself, cause for me, motivation is feeding that creative hunger for myself, so that, even if I'm not performing on a daily basis, I watch videos, I sing every day, I go see shows. You know, I follow people on social media who have a certain creative presence to help me digest in my downtime, to then pick up some techniques and some structures and some ideas, so that when I'm back, I have all of those things at my disposal to keep moving forward and I am totally guilty of pushing myself too hard and, you know, ultimately making myself sick.

TJ: 20:44

I remember young me fully doing shows, like and this is before COVID times like fully doing shows and like having a sore throat and saying I have to do this because if I don't then everyone's gonna be disappointed at me, right, I'm not allowed to take a sick day. And the reality is is that you have to take care of yourself. You have to take care of yourself. You know, and I've become a firm believer over the last few years, that you know we only have, you know, the truth is we only have this body, right, and so it's imperative that we take care of it. And I mean that in so many ways and on a deeper level that physically, mentally, emotionally, you know, spiritually, we have to take care of ourselves, because if we don't, we can slip into so many things that will hinder us from achieving those dreams, or even dreaming bigger. We limit ourselves if we don't take care of ourselves.

TJ: 21:54

So, friends, before I leave you today, I just want to remind you how important it is to have a series of steps and routines and structure to get you to that next level of life and how important your yeses can be and how they can provide value to you and inform the decisions that you make moving forward in your life. And also to remember that motivation is more important than pushing right. That allow yourself the space, the time, the energy to find external sources if you need it to motivate you instead of you pushing yourself to get towards these goals. Because the truth of the matter is is that it's not about perfection, it's not, it's about the journey. Okay, and with that, I'll see you next week and that's our show. Friends, thanks for joining us on Tea with TJ. Please rate, review and subscribe, and you can find us on Instagram at teawithtjpodcast. And, as always, stay kind, keep sipping and remember we're here, so we might as well do it. We'll see you next week.