Journey from Self-Criticism to Self-Love: Embracing Your Strengths

Ever chastised yourself for making a tiny mistake or not meeting your high expectations? If so, you're not alone. I, have spent years in the grips of self-criticism, but through the practice of positive self-talk, I managed to shift my perspective and bolster my self-confidence. I invite you to join me over a cup of chai tea on this episode of "Tea with TJ" as I share my personal journey from self-criticism to self-love. We'll explore the transformative power of affirmations and the importance of embracing our strengths rather than focusing on our flaws.

As we delve into the subtleties of positive self-talk, we'll debunk some common misconceptions – it's not about ignoring our flaws, but rather acknowledging them and focusing on our strengths. I'll share how I replaced self-criticism with self-encouragement and how this change led me to the destination of self-love. I will also challenge you to consider what you're genuinely great at, and how focusing on these strengths can propel you forward. By the end of this episode, you'll understand the importance of encouraging yourself, loving yourself, and never doubting who you are. Remember, we are all works in progress striving to become better each day, so let’s embrace our journey, one cup of tea at a time.

Transcript

TJ: 0:15

Hey friends, it's TJ. And you're listening to Tea with TJ, where our love for tea, conversation and self-improvement intersect, so let's take a deeper dive into my cup and let's have a chat. Hey friends, it's TJ. So today I'm having some chai tea, one of my favorites for this time of year when it's starting to get a little cold outside. But question for you have you ever thought about those conversations that you have with yourself? So let's dive in.

TJ: 0:54

So I used to be a real self-critic. I used to beat myself up about not getting things right the first time and feeling like I wasn't enough. But then I realized the negative self-talk was not conducive to the life that I wanted for myself and that questioning my worth and my abilities was starting to get exhausting. And so I began to start practicing positive self-talk. I can't remember it was a few years ago. I think it was on Super Soul Sunday, and they were talking about affirmations and how to get to your most authentic self and how we speak things out into the world and we say things to ourselves that, if we're not careful, those things can manifest in a way. I can't remember the exact phrasing, but I remember it was on Super Soul Sunday, but I started to try that for myself and it wasn't one of those things where it affected me outwardly, where I couldn't do my job or be creative for any of those things. It was more like not feeling competitive enough or feeling left behind.

TJ: 2:19

And so when I started to implement the positive self-talk practice, it really started to make a difference for me, and it started small, by saving quotes that spoke to me, that inspired me and ultimately, the person that I wanted to become and wanted to be. There was a quote that my brother says all the time that I wrote it down in my notes to just keep to reflect and meditate on, but I can't remember who it's from, but it is every day is a chance to get it right, and it started with quotes like that that really kind of helped shape the person that I am and that I'm becoming. Each and every day I took that specific quote and meditated on it and reminded myself that just because something happened or I didn't accomplish something in a day doesn't mean that I can't try again tomorrow, right, that each day is an opportunity and a chance to get something right, to grow and to keep moving forward. And I do feel like we sometimes get stuck in this loathing state where we don't want to acknowledge to ourselves that every moment is an opportunity to move forward towards who you ultimately want to be. And so I started using affirmations to also kind of engage with myself in a positive way, to see things in a different light, to try to appreciate things as they are until I can get to where I want to be right.

TJ: 4:18

And so one of the affirmations that I started with was I am loved because I knew it to be true, right, and it's one of those things that, for myself, I overlooked because I've been in things so long that I kind of forgot, right, I forgot that I actually have a lot of people who genuinely love and care about me and care about my wellbeing. And so I would repeat that to myself in the mornings as I'm getting ready to just kind of boost my confidence right To get out of the little rut that I was in at the time. And I started using that and like meditating while I was going to the gym and slowly it became kind of like a daily practice to where I moved up from quotes into the affirmations of I am beautiful, I am loved, I am cared for, I am talented, just to reaffirm to myself that all of those things are true and I have space in this world where I can progress through life, knowing that I'm good enough. And I realized during that time, like a few months later, how more confident I was, how happier I was because I no longer felt like I wasn't enough. And then I started to understand that I have authority to be in control of my own life and my own happiness. Right, and it allowed me to be soft with myself and to be more in tune with my body and my mind.

TJ: 5:58

And during that time is when I picked up that language of being soft with myself, because I realized that we go through life and we have these moments of self-doubt and lack of confidence and it can take a toll on you and it can really ruin yourself of steam. And I feel like in larger cities, when markets are much larger and there's so much competition, you're constantly comparing yourself to the next person, right, when the reality is is that there is one you, there is one you who can do what you do and there's one of them who can do what they do right. And the balance in all of that is sometimes it's you and sometimes it's the other person. But I really started to understand and speak to myself, to be softer with myself so that I could allow myself to be more open and allow myself to be more in tune with my body and my mind, so that I could go out and produce good work, so that I could go out and love you know whomever. I could go out and be this outwardly compassionate person in the world in hopes that it comes back to me, without the expectation that it will.

TJ: 7:27

And I will say positive talk is not about ignoring your flaws, right? I think that can be a misconception when it comes to affirmations and quotes and in trying to be more positive about yourself. Because, at least for myself, in this positive self-talk, it allowed me to acknowledge my flaws, to come to terms with them, to be okay with them and to also acknowledge my strengths and to affirm those and to affirm my worth and to say, yes, I may not be great at this thing, but I'm great at these five things. Like I know that I'm great at those five things, and I will say that I'll challenge you to, if you are struggling with that self esteem or that lack of confidence, to to break down those things that you have right to, to really consider what are you great at Right? What do you know to be true that you are great at? Um, and acknowledge those things with yourself, because sometimes we we can, we can kind of self sabotage ourselves because we again are comparing ourselves to someone else and what you don't have right and what they have, when the reality is, is that you really should be focusing on the strengths that you have and the things that you can provide and the things that are of value that you have as an individual. And so I started to.

TJ: 9:06

I started after, after, after, I started the affirmations and the quotes and and understood, um, my self worth, I started to replace the self criticism with self encouragement, um, and when I would catch myself thinking, oh well, I'm not going to get this job because I'm not the right type, um, I stopped doing that and I said to myself if this job is right for me, they'll see what I can offer, they can see the perspective that I have to tell this story a certain way, um, and I think in in that self encouragement, uh, I also learned to say that I'm learning and I'll get better at things, that I'm not perfect and that's okay. This false expectation of perfectionism does not exist, right that no one expects you to be perfect, um, especially if you're new to something. And really understanding and finally wrapping my brain around that idea, uh, allowed me to to say, okay, I don't know how to do this, but I can learn, um, and I can get better, and I can take incremental steps to try to achieve whatever. That goal is right, to try to get on the other side of that home, um, and I think that idea of self encouragement led me to the destination of self love, which I think is one of those things that we, we never truly explore, um, and we, we kind of, um, ignore it a little bit, but it's, it's a crucial part, I think, in self-esteem and strength and affirming your worth is being able to love yourself as you are, um, and to be able to reframe things that you aren't good at.

TJ: 11:23

To say I can do this instead of I can't do this or I can't. I may not be able to do this now, but I will in some time, and being okay with that time, because, ultimately, we all deserve love and care. Right Like it's, it's, it's not a luxury, um, we all deserve it, uh-huh, and I think the more we can realize and understand and comprehend that, the better off we'll be. So I want to leave this with you today friends, encourage yourself, love yourself and believe in yourself and never doubt who you are. And with that, I'll see you next week. And, as always, stay kind, keep sipping and remember we're here. So we might as well do it.