Overcoming Insecurities With Guest Derric Holland from: The Grownup Podcast

In this episode, TJ and Derric  discuss the topic of insecurities. They share their personal experiences with insecurities and how they have learned to overcome them. They emphasize the importance of self-love and being present in the moment. The conversation also touches on the journey of self-acceptance and the power of authenticity.

Connect with Derric:
The Grown up Podcast

Transcript

TJ: 0:15

Hey friends, it's TJ, and you're listening to Tea with TJ, where our love for tea, conversation and self-improvement intersect, so let's take a deeper dive into my cup and let's have a chat. Hey friends, it's TJ. Welcome back to another episode of Tea with TJ, and today let me start with the tea that I'm having, which is a mad thing and I think it's very appropriate for the weather. Right now in New York it's giving rainy day. Stay inside. We have a very special guest with us today. Let me introduce a new friend soon to me. Good friend Derek, yes, so if you could just introduce yourself and give us a little bit of background.

Derric: 1:09

Yes, so thank you for having me. I'm very excited to be here. I appreciate your time and I love that we're able to connect. So I'm Derek, I am the host of Grownup Podcast and I'm a podcaster. I'm a communications major, I'm a marketing, digital media marketing certificate holder. I am a jack of all trades. I really try to do as much as I can to really learn as much as I can, be a student of life and, above all, god is the main man that guides all that. And, yeah, that's me. I love it.

TJ: 1:51

Welcome to the show.

Derric: 1:52

Thank you.

TJ: 1:53

It's a pleasure to have you. So we talked I think it was last week or top of this week, and this has been a long time coming, just for folks listening. Derek and I have been kind of like having conversations over the past maybe two months now, I think, yeah, roughly Really trying to create some content with each other and help each other out and very much like support each other. But when I gave you the topics to choose from for this episode, you tapped into insecurities. So I'm curious to know, before we dive in, what spoke to you in like choosing that topic.

Derric: 2:36

So I really have been wondering a lot lately about my podcast and the direction that it's going and how much authenticity I've been actually putting into it.

Derric: 2:48

And I remember something that someone told me when I first started it, which is be yourself Like, and it was something that they were close, you know, individual to me and they told me, like they could hear, that I kind of wasn't really being my full self and really putting my full self out there. And so as I've been progressing with the podcast and now going into my fourth year, I really have been analyzing myself and the growth that I'm going through and, you know, going through a process of learning to love myself. And that word insecurities really jumped out at me because that's something that has been coming up quite a lot for myself and having to address those things and having to understand those things within myself and know that they are a part of me but they're not who I am and I can still build myself up and continue to, you know, push those insecurities aside and continue to grow and, you know, be the person that I know that I can be.

TJ: 3:57

So I love that. I echo everything that you said, because I do. I've lived and operated in a space similar to that. I mean even taking the podcast out of the equation, but just looking at my life as a performer and trying to figure out how to navigate those insecurities of am I good enough, you know? Am I worthy to be doing this? You know why should someone choose me over someone else? And even in the podcast space with and I will say you know I'm not as fortunate as you, I haven't been doing it for four years.

Derric: 4:40

You'll get there.

TJ: 4:43

But even in creating this podcast and putting myself out there, there are still insecurities that linger. Even now, and I've had people reach out and, like some co-worker that I work with that listens to the show faithfully like every week, is very much like oh, my God, I love this I love that.

TJ: 5:05

The conversation was great and, you know, even with that, there are still so many insecurities of you know, could I be doing something better? Am I doing something wrong? Because there is no. There's no real space for feedback with this medium right, like, yeah, kind of just put it out into the world and hope people like it and maybe someone will, you know, tag you over you know, message you.

TJ: 5:33

So I think even just not having that direct line to feedback kind of heightens those insecurities right 100%. I knowing that you have been podcasting for four years Is there. Is there a space that you've arrived at now with those insecurities that started originally, where some of them have kind of started to fall off, or do you feel like they're all still lingering?

Derric: 6:03

Oh, that's such a great question. I feel like I've worked through quite a lot of them. At first it was the posting schedule Like am I posting enough? At first I was posting too much and I burnt myself out and then I scaled back and then I thought maybe that was not enough and then I was like you know what, forget that. I'm just going to do what I feel is best for me and if it happens to align with other people and they happen to like it and flock to within, that's okay, you know, and however this journey is going to be, it's going to be.

Derric: 6:44

And I think a real pivotal point for me was reading a book called the Power of Now and my brother suggested it to me and I, before I read it, before I picked it up, before we had discussed it, I was in such a space of living in those insecurities, like fully every day and really being hard on myself and thinking so much about the future and like how can I take, do, do whatever I can to put into the podcast, to just quickly get it there, like I want to be there, there, there, and when I kind of was explaining this to my brother, he was like, yeah, like it sounds like you. You know, this is a book that would really kind of put things into perspective for you and I was like, okay, I'll try this. And I bought it. I read it and it was like an instant like click.

Derric: 7:46

And I was like, okay, yeah, all these insecurities that I'm literally and heightened every single day, I can let it go, because I'm only living for right now. Only right now is what is most important anyway. And if I don't get right now, right Anyway, then there is not, it's not gonna mean anything, it's going to be meaningless. You know, I won't have the memories to hold on to from now and to be able to rejoice and be like, oh, I look back at that and that was a time that I went through this. I'm not gonna be able to have that, because I was rushing so much, trying to get there, and then I was there and then it was just like, okay, well, I'm here, and then what?

Derric: 8:32

So it really helped me to scale back a lot of those insecurities. So I feel like I've worked through quite a bit of them, but of course, you know they're still the constant little ones, like, as you say, I've been doing this for years but it's still not as many downloads as I would like it to be. Or, you know, I don't have as many followers on social media as I want to, or you know those type of things and those are also kind of like societal things that we have to. You know, work through and and Sometimes just be like forget all that, like that doesn't matter. As long as I feel like I'm putting in the work and the effort and it's scaling and growing in the way that I feel like it's organic and authentic to me, then you know it really doesn't matter. So, still working through, but work through a lot of.

TJ: 9:26

Yeah, I, um, I Want to go back for a beat Because it's it's and it's crazy how the universe will deliver things in real time. So I don't know where this is gonna fit in the timeline of episodes right now, but in the recording timeline, the episode that I just finished a week ago, that same book, came up. Yeah, and so because it's Eckhart Tolle right? Yes, it is. We were literally just talking about this, and it's interesting how Things kind of just live in this, in this circle, and seem to be always connected, even when we don't think that they are right. Um, I Wanted to acknowledge that because that that was a very moment, just saying it out loud. I did not plan that.

Derric: 10:22

Love it, not plan things.

TJ: 10:26

But in, in this, in this idea of insecurities, I think you touched on something that is very profound, I think, with being present in the now and in really focusing on when, thinking of the things that you were insecure about. Right, the benefit of being present in that, in this singular moment, will allow you to enjoy, you know, the future, or to be able to look back on the moments that you're currently in, yeah, and that one that that just spoke to me.

TJ: 11:03

So I'm just sharing that right now, but I believe that to be true. I think it's. It's so worth being present in our daily lives Because we can miss so much, and sometimes insecurities can get in the way of that. However, I think as a human being and as, as some would say, like spiritual beings, I think it's important for us to have insecurities because that promotes growth. Yes, because then you're allowed to have a certain space in your life where you're like okay, I feel a certain way about this and it's not where I would like it to be, or it's something that I want to improve on. To me, just saying this, to me, that serves as motivation to get to where I ultimately want to be.

TJ: 11:58

And so, even in the pain of insecurities and the doubt that exists, I think it is worth. It's an aspect of life that is that that's worth something, that that's worth something and that will allow you to to grow up. Yeah, yeah definitely, and I just want to.

Derric: 12:22

Yeah, exactly, and I just want to add that in those Insecurities, as you were saying, like using those as motivation and growth, that's kind of exactly what I've been doing, you know. I've been using those insecurities of Whatever it is that I'm that's coming up that day, you know, in that present moment, and recognizing that and and Recognizing that within self and being like, well, what do I want to do to to handle that? Like I can breathe or I can pray, or I can play the video game if I want to like. But as long as I recognize that I'm feeling a little insecure right now and I can do something to Recognize that in the moment and move forward, then it doesn't grow bigger than that moment right there. So you know, that's just kind of for me and in my journey.

TJ: 13:18

Has has any of your previous insecurities or current influenced your Episodes as a as a podcaster?

Derric: 13:29

Oh yeah, a lot of my episodes. You know, when I first started I said my first episode was terrible. And you know, from there I really feel like I've Come into myself and found where, where, where my space is for what I want to put out into the world. And One of those things with trying to figure that out was connecting with people around the world, you know, and doing that in In an unconventional way, like I'm just going on social media and just kind of searching for people and there's other people who are like hey, I kind of know this person they're sending to me and you know, it's it's been really random, but it's also been, you know, divine timing and purpose in this journey and so it's all been like a whirlwind for me.

Derric: 14:26

Honestly, like I I Can't really explain it in in tomb in a bunch of words, but going from the first year now Leading to the fourth year, I really feel like, through the ups and downs because there were a lot of downs and a lot, of, a lot of episodes where I Put those downs into that episode and you can tell, and you can hear it in my voice like this is just an episode that I need.

Derric: 14:53

I feel like I need to do and put out because I just want to stay Relevant or you know something like that.

Derric: 14:59

But in my head I was just trying to stay consistent and stay and stick with something that I've fallen in love with completely and I would do For free which I'm doing for free right now, but in the hopes of making, you know, revenue from it. But I would do it for free and I love podcasting, and so I just want to figure out how I can do this in the most positive way and Most educational way that could actually make an impact In people's lives. And you know, so far it feels like I've been doing that, especially with the guests that I've been able to connect with and bring on and also have the music segment connecting with all different Kinds of artists from all around the world. I mean, I've connected with artists from the UK, from Australia, from all over the United States, like it's, it's insane, you know, and it's all just from being myself and putting myself out there and just saying, hey, I want to connect, I want to support and I want to create a community Surrounded by that. And you know, show love and doing that.

TJ: 16:05

So my gosh, I will say I don't think I've Said this to you yet out loud, but listening to your show when I first started was very inspirational and Served as motivation for me as well to keep going, because there was a moment in time I'm towards, I would say, like late fall, where I was like does this make sense? Am I, you know, is this just an audio journal that you know, no one's listening to, or whatever? But in listening to your show it really did help in and motivate me.

Derric: 16:44

So thank you for that. Thank you.

TJ: 16:48

Thank you. So I want to pivot a little, because I Said this already, but I believe that insecurities can serve as Motivation for moving throughout our lives and I don't want to harp on you know what we're insecure about and all of those things. I want to really kind of put a positive spin on this idea. So, with that being said, what? What do you think has been the biggest Change from insecurity to motivation for you?

Derric: 17:20

Oh, I Would say most definitely transitioning. I started transitioning about a year after I started the podcast and that was a really pivotal moment for me because I had did an episode about Basically coming out, like I came out again. So I came out before and just in front of my family and then I came out again in front of, you know, the podcast and in hopes of coming out to my family in that way, because Dealing with having to face them again and come out again was just too much for me to bear, and so that was a huge turning moment for me. And when I Made the decision and began to take the steps to start transitioning and you know, everything like that, at first it was, you know, of course it was scary, it was crazy, it was, you know, insane to do it all of those things, just because I didn't have much support and so, but I did it anyway and it was because I knew, like I knew, I just knew and once.

Derric: 18:35

It's Once the years progress, and now I'm in year three, transitioning, settling in, and it's just all the insecurities, motivation, continuous motivation. And you know, like, if I Now it's like if I look in the mirror, I'm like, yeah, like let's get it, let's, let's, let's do the, let's do today, like let's let's go.

Derric: 19:00

You know, like I'm comfortable. I'm me and I think that you really just have to do what makes you feel good and and Know that and and stand on it. You know, and no matter what, no matter if they're supportive, not no matter if you know people are telling you this, or or they're being inspirational or whatever. Like it's really about your path and your journey, like we all are put on this earth and have our Specific path. We have to be okay with it and we have to learn to love each other through our own paths and because we're different for a reason, and that's that's the whole, you know, that's the whole beauty of it. So, yeah, yeah.

TJ: 19:52

Yeah, yeah, wow, yeah, I just took me out.

Derric: 20:03

Sorry.

TJ: 20:10

So it's.

TJ: 20:12

It's interesting to to hear you speak on that, because I'm I am I as an adult, because I am now 34, I'm about to be 35 this year and there is a quote that is in Pop culture and in the in the community at large that I don't think resonated with me until I got to this age and truly can comprehend and understand what it means and what the intention behind the specific choice of words is.

TJ: 20:53

And don't judge, I'm just gonna say it, but RuPaul statement of if you can't love anybody else, how now you're gonna love someone else, right, I, I? You said something that brought that up, because it's something that I've been thinking about a lot. Being able to stand in the mirror and look at yourself and say that you love yourself is paramount to your success in this world as a human, as an individual, as a community member, as all of those things. And I think, in thinking of this idea of being insecure and having insecurities in our lives, that simple act, I think, gets so overlooked and in reality, being able to, just like you said, start your day with that literally can change lives. Yeah, and so I'm trying not to.

Derric: 21:59

Same, same.

TJ: 22:01

Same, but it's something that resonates with me now, as an adult and having lived a little bit of life right, I haven't lived a long time yet, but in the life that I've lived of coming out to my family and moving to New York and trying to exist in an industry amongst millions, being able to reckon with myself and say those words out loud, because it's one thing to think it, it's one thing to say it, but to be able to say those words out loud to myself and believe them is paramount to survival, to self-improvement, self-development. Like it is huge, it is.

TJ: 22:50

And I wish that that was a conversation earlier in life and I think we live in a world now where it's starting to surface with specific teachers when they have like small children at an early age and a part of like early childhood development. But I wish that I had had that so much earlier Because I think I would have been able to view the world slightly differently than how I had to view it until arriving to that point.

Derric: 23:27

I 100% agree with that, because I started transitioning 25, so I lived 25 years female, struggling trying to figure out what was wrong with me. And you know what was it? What is it? And I wasn't educated as much as I was on the internet and I grew up in the internet age and searching and trying to figure it out.

Derric: 24:06

My mind is also like one track, so when I understand or heard a concept, it's like I'm one track onto that and I want to know all about that type of thing, so it's like, you know, it's not like I'm getting much other types of information or watching any other thing and then now, after going out of childhood and then going into adulthood and being able to really, you know, when you get anything, you really open up and you can finally, you know, really really start to. So then I really start to understand. And it still was very difficult to come to terms with that, not just for me but, as I said, like my family and everyone that I've come to know, and you know, friendship like it's changing my entire life, and it wasn't until after an experience that led me to really being like you know what.

Derric: 25:15

I can't live like this, though. I can't. It's not fair to me. I can't forget what everyone else is saying and thinking, what about me? And you know that only happens right now. If I make that decision right now and yeah, it's, I haven't looked back, I haven't looked back and I have never been happier, and I can't say and emphasize how much I agree that looking in the mirror and being able to start your day looking to mirror and being happy and truly loving what you're looking at and starting your day knowing that you're heading out who you want to be. It's like you said, it's paramount. I agree, yeah, it is.

TJ: 26:16

It's one of those things that and I've gotten older I've been able to strip away the like ideas of these, like societal ideas of like what I'm meant to be or who I'm meant to be and what I'm supposed to look like, how am I supposed to sound, and it's really shown me one and I say this to my therapist all the time and to my best friends all the time that I'm like, I'm at a place in my life now where I understand, I comprehend that this, this vessel, this body, this is what I got Right.

TJ: 27:00

That's right. Yeah, it will fluctuate and do whatever it needs to do to survive and to be, you know, in existence in this world. But this is what I have, and so being able to appreciate it, appreciate it, love on it, care for it to the best of my ability, is what is most important to me now. Whereas years ago I was concerned about how I looked, you know, I was concerned about, you know, my size fluctuating up and down, not being able to fit a certain size or any of those things. But with that understanding, now life is a little bit easier. It's not, you know, it's not all great, right.

Derric: 27:40

Bill still learned a thing, and money is still a thing and we have to survive and all of that.

TJ: 27:45

But if my goal was that, if I can I don't want to say fix, because that's not an appropriate word but if I could reckon with myself and be appreciative and happy and loving with all of this that I have in all versions of myself present, past and, hopefully, future Then that is all that matters, right? Because at the end of the day, this has to go out into the world, not anybody else, right? All those interactions, those micro interactions we have throughout the day. This has to endure all of that. So my priority is to love on all of this so that it's protected and able to do its thing out there and so that I am able to pour into other people and love people. And you know all of those, those accoutrements, if you will.

TJ: 28:39

But, it's yeah, it is. It's something that I've learned, I'm learning and I still have so much yet to learn about myself, and I pray that every day that I can be a little bit stronger than I was the day before. Absolutely, yeah, same. I love that.

Derric: 28:59

I love this conversation. It's beautiful. It is beautiful, isn't it? Yeah, thank you.

TJ: 29:06

Thank you so much for having me.

Derric: 29:07

It's been a pleasure and I'm whoo this energy that we have right now my goodness. Across across how many states, oh my gosh so many times down everything.

TJ: 29:20

Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you. Thank you for one for doing this, but also for that, that initial reach out. This has been perfection, like it's just been perfection. But before we go, I like to do a little thing. Three questions, okay, related to the topic. Okay, so that we end with a little bit of knowledge for our folks. What are you afraid of the most?

Derric: 29:57

Oh, wow, um, that's, that's actually going to get kind of deep here and I that's kind of. I hope I don't scare anybody, but what I'm afraid of the most is my grandparents passing and me not being able to, you know, show up, and that fear has kind of already recently come true. One of my grandparents just recently passed. So it's been interesting dealing with you know that and everything with that. But yeah, just to be honest.

TJ: 30:39

I appreciate it, I love it. Um, what inspires you the most oh?

Derric: 30:46

my brother. He's my biggest inspiration. He's an actor, he's a rapper, a producer, he has a master's. He's you know he's, he's doing it and he's definitely my biggest inspiration for continuing to strive and and not let anything hold me back. And, you know, just take the, take the life by the horns and, you know, get it done. So I love that.

TJ: 31:16

And then final question when do you feel the most seen?

Derric: 31:21

Oh, wow, um, where do I feel the most seen? That's? That's a really interesting question. When I look in the mirror, now, that's when I feel the most seen.

TJ: 31:50

That's beautiful. Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you. One last thing before we go where can the folks find you?

Derric: 32:03

All right, y'all can find me on Instagram at the Grana podcast, but the best way is you can just go straight to Grana podcastinfo. It's got all the streaming links on there, all the links for you to follow. It's got the guest form on there. If you're interested in being on the podcast as well and that's where you can you can check me out at right. I'll make sure to update everything and make sure everything is clean. I put this knowledge to use. So thank you so much for having me again and I appreciate your spirit and I can't wait to come back.

Derric: 32:39

We also did Um. I had him on my podcast. We did an episode. We weren't able to promote as much, but, um, definitely go and check that episode out. It was beautiful as well.

TJ: 32:51

This connection has been amazing. Um and with that, I'll see you next week and that's our show. Friends, thanks for joining us on T with TJ. Please rate, review and subscribe, and you can find us on Instagram at T with TJ podcast. And, as always, stay kind, keep sipping and remember we're here. So goodbye as well. You, you, you, you, you.