Life at the Intersection of Being Black and Disabled w/ Lauren Lolo Spencer

Join me, Wesley Hamilton, and immerse yourself in a journey of powerful narratives at the crossroads of being Black and disabled. We've got the dynamic Lauren Lolo Spencer in the studio, an award-nominated actress and disability lifestyle influencer, who has been rewriting the script since her diagnosis at 14. Tune in as we peel back the layers on navigating the world from this unique intersection, particularly exploring barriers and opportunities within business, wealth accumulation, and representation.

We'll pull no punches as we dissect societal attitudes and generational traumas that have woven a complex web around disability and Blackness. Lauren and I will ponder the power of words, self-worth, and the struggles inherent in relationships when you're disabled. Fasten your seatbelts as we maneuver through the dizzying world of dating apps from the perspective of a Black, disabled individual.

Our discourse ranges from the importance of controlling our narratives to the need for creating safe social spaces for individuals with disabilities. You'll hear raw, unfiltered insights on how media and popular culture shape our experiences and perceptions. We round up by exploring the dynamics of taking action, persevering, and shattering societal barriers. Brace yourself for an enlightening ride through advocacy, representation, and barrier-breaking. Lauren’s story will not only inspire you but also challenge you to see the world from a different perspective.

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:07

In a world where success often steals the limelight, the stories that truly inspire, that truly matter, are left behind in the shadows. I'm your host, Wesley Hamilton. Welcome to the Out of the Shadows podcast.

Speaker 2: 0:24

When you're constantly working from that space of fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, work, work, work, work, work. You know, shout out to Rihanna. It's like damn, when do we get our opportunity to chill?

Speaker 1: 0:43

Yo, what's up everybody. This is Wesley Hamilton and I'm excited for another episode of Out of the Shadows. I'm your host and I'm here with our guest today, which is Lauren Lolo Spencer, who is a disability lifestyle influencer, award nominated actress, model content creator and a true change maker. She's a great friend of mine and I think that today's conversation is just going to be pretty dope, so let's welcome Lolo. What's up? What's up?

Speaker 2: 1:16

Can you all?

Speaker 1: 1:19

Yes, you know, lolo. So this conversation today we're really going to just dive into some of the things that me and you talk about a lot, and that's the intersection between black and disability.

Speaker 2: 1:31

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 1:32

And so, of course, before we dive into our conversation and become a little deep about it, I have a little icebreaker and it's kind of similar to everybody's. But if you could have a superpower for a day, what would it be and why?

Speaker 2: 1:50

You know, I think I ask that question a lot and for some reason, I don't know why, this is always the answer. It's super dumb, but like I want to have super strength.

Speaker 1: 2:05

Okay.

Speaker 2: 2:06

I want to have super strength For some reason. I just want to just know what it's like to knock somebody out and just turn up in a brawl or something and just be like wow. I just want to know what that's like and then go like twerk at the club afterwards. That would be the blend of it. Super strength and twerking abilities.

Speaker 1: 2:32

But if you super strength and then you try to do the twerking, you might end up breaking whatever object you hold in. You know the man. You'd be on a sink.

Speaker 2: 2:42

That is a big fact. Controlled super strength that would be the superpower. Controlled super strength, so out of hand, but you know it's still there if I need it.

Speaker 1: 2:53

See, I like that already. See how we just kind of added strength in with twerking. See, that's why this conversation needs to be important, right? So you know, a lot of people probably don't know your personal journey and I'm a firm believer of allowing that to flow organically with the end. I would like for you to share a bit of yourself so people can understand. I guess people can understand your identity when it comes to being black and disabled.

Speaker 2: 3:25

Yeah, well, I mean, my journey started with disability. I would say my journey started when I was 14. That's when I was diagnosed with ALS. Since then, my diagnosis has been up for question. So I kind of just like to give my disability an overall umbrella of like muscular dystrophy or something along the lines of that, because I'm a huge, huge believer in the power of words. So when I say I was diagnosed, that's very intentional for me, because I don't want to say I have, because then that takes ownership and it's just like, well, if this ain't what it really is, I'm not going to claim something on that may not be true.

Speaker 2: 4:03

So that's where my journey started with disability, and I really really didn't learn the intricacies or the complexities of what it means to be part of the disabled community until I started really doing my own work as an influencer and YouTuber in 2015, with my YouTube channel sitting pretty, and so I had recognized, like, when it was time to do my YouTube channel and I was doing research on, like well, what other disabled influencers exist, I was like yo, everybody's like mad, sad and boring and they've got this like tone in their voice. I was like, yeah, so my life with the disability. Today it's really hard and I was just like yo son, like nobody is going to like want to fuck with us if this is how we see ourselves. And so I was like okay, I'm going to flip that all on his head. I'm going to show me turning up and going to the clubs. I'm going to show me drunk. I'm going to also show the realities of it to me, crying about you know, my fears around my disability. But also, like if I was to share a vulnerable moment like that, I'm also going to share what I do like about my disability. So I had a video about what I was afraid of and then about you know what I thought were the benefits of having a disability.

Speaker 2: 5:27

So the more I did work as an advocate, that's when I started noticing more about the effect, being at the intersection of being a black woman with a disability and how that was different when it started coming down to the moolah, when it started coming down to the business opportunities that came as a result of the work I was doing. That's when I started seeing little things of like now wait a minute, why is this particular person getting all of these deals when you know I'm over here trying to get the same opportunity. Now, listen, I'm a firm believer in whatever's for me is for me. But I did start to notice, I don't know, black people are part of this campaign with a disability, or this group of people are the leading, you know, representation of disability, but where are the black folks over there? Where are the other people of color? And then that's when I started recognizing, like, okay, the intersection of both and the experiences in each really, really make them different.

Speaker 1: 6:44

Yeah, because you think about like you think okay, now I'm a part of disabled community. All these things are happening within the disabled community, all these opportunities, representations happening, boom, boom. I'm part of the community, I'm gonna be in it, right? Yeah, and when you like, whoa, like? They haven't even accepted people of color yet within this, this industry, within this organization or whatever. So, even though I'm disabled, I'm now kinder, because I'm black too.

Speaker 1: 7:18

Yeah right, and so it's like it, kind of. It becomes this double, double-edged sword, in a sense like man, I'm advocating on one side for every one, but then on the other side I'm not being advocated for for who I am outside of this disability.

Speaker 2: 7:39

Exactly. But on the flip side, though, being black and disabled, we got to talk to our black calendar parts as well, because the relationship to disability within the black community is also really faltered, because whenever you see the sketches, we're always the butt of the joke. It's always the the the comedy sketch of a comedian and their friend in the wheelchair and they're pushing the wheelchair but they hit a bump and then the person in the wheelchair falls out, and then that's the joke, and it's just like but that ain't really funny.

Speaker 1: 8:22

So you know, I mean, but you, you actually, I mean that's great that we can. We can kind of weave into that, because of course, we're going to talk about some of you know the amazing success that you have have had in a representation that you've been able to put on for yourself. That inspires a lot of people that are in your position. And then, of course, you wrote a book, so we got to talk about that as well. But I think when we are talking about the intersections of blackness and disability, it is important to speak on. Okay, yes, we started a conversation of the lack of representation and opportunities for individuals that intersect with both, but there's a deeper problem when it comes to the black community and the black community acknowledging disability as a whole.

Speaker 2: 9:14

Yes, right, yes.

Speaker 1: 9:15

And so maybe let's emphasize, let's, let's talk about that a little bit, because, you know, when we're seeing a lot of our advocates, everyone's kind of attacking this, this area, attacking this one, and the attacks are normally on on another side of the. You know the color spectrum, right? Yeah, yeah, from a collective conversations that we've had, we've talked about this and we've talked about, you know, the barrier. So let's you know what do you think is probably the biggest issue within a black community when it comes to accepting disability?

Speaker 2: 9:49

Oh, boy, okay, I'm trying to figure out how I'm going to word this. I think, because of the history of black people in America, right, to achieve anything, we wear it with much pride. Right, anything we ever create, we are the most proud, prideful people in the world. Right? Because, granted, everything was stripped away from us and we had to rebuild, and even in the rebuilding there was destruction along the way, right? So I think, because of that pride of who we are, how we show up, how we want to show up, comes into play when you have the overall society. This has nothing to do with blackness the overall society not accepting the existence of people with disabilities. When a black person shows up with a fault or something that is deemed unperfect, or something that there's not an understanding of, something to be proud about, like, why should I be proud of the fact that you know, in your case, I got shot?

Speaker 1: 11:19

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 11:20

There's nothing about that that should be prideful according to society, right? What is there to be proud of for being a wheelchair user? We can't find the pride in that. So there is no acceptance of our existence in that space Because we have to fight all the time. That it's like. Why would we fight for these people who are already in a fucked up position? Basically, it's the attitude.

Speaker 1: 11:56

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 11:57

So I and I think again, because of just history, we are a group of people that believe that we could pray everything away. And there's that whole thing of you. Oh, just pray the way he good. Ain't nothing wrong with him. We don't. We're too prideful to admit that something is actually going on, from down to black men not going to the doctor, to black women showing up to the doctors and not getting the treatment they deserve, because that's a whole thing within itself. When something is quote unquote wrong, there's this attitude of avoidance because we have to figure everything else out and find some sort of break or joy or pride in that. Does that all make sense?

Speaker 1: 12:55

No, like seriously, when you, when you put it like that, I mean no, that's true, because you know society, like you said, as a whole already sees disability as a problem, right, and when you have a group of people in a community, the black community, that is still chasing and trying to find an identity due to stereotypes in any quality, all of these other things, I've always felt like, you know, the mindset is I don't have space to accept something else when I'm still trying to be accepted and or just normalize, like we just want to live a life of normalcy where we can ride in our cars and not be afraid of getting pulled over.

Speaker 2: 13:39

We just want to know what that experience is like. We want to know what it's like to go into a bank. Show our proof that we are good business owners and we have income and get along. We want to know what that's like and we don't. So kind of. Exactly what you're saying is we ain't got time to also figure out this part.

Speaker 1: 14:05

Yeah, yeah because I'm still, I'm still struggling. There's not a lot of generational success within black community. So when you have, you know the generations before you, still trying to find a way.

Speaker 1: 14:17

It becomes that you're a hindrance more than you know a blessing when it like. So, just from my experience, like once I got injured and went back into my life, I did feel like I was a burden on everyone because nobody prepared for what I was dealing with. You know, even my community lacked access for me to be able to, to thrive, and so, again, those were. Those were areas where I think a lot of people are going back to their communities. But, you know, for the black individual that has the disability are facing a lot of other barriers as well as like internalized trauma in a sense, because of just the things that are around now and the lack of acceptance is kind of like.

Speaker 1: 15:04

I've always told people that, living with my disability, for a while I started to like reflect on my past and part of that reflection, part of that reflection, made me visualize all the people that's been in my life with a disability, but they have accepted it in a sense that they didn't embrace it, they accept and pushed it off so you could see someone I mean, I've had multiple individuals that I've known that have encountered and they had a physical disability but like, yeah, they live the normal life and you find a way to just kind of push it off, but embracing is different, and embracing is allowing people to know that you own it and that this is. This is me. This is me. This is what I represent, on top of what else I represent.

Speaker 2: 15:55

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 15:56

And you didn't see a lot of people embrace it.

Speaker 1: 15:59

And so when you know, say, for individuals like you and I, it comes a place where you kind of come into the space and you want to do you embrace it.

Speaker 1: 16:08

Yeah, and if I do embrace it, well, now I will, I be accepted, because if I'm only a part of this one community that I feel comfortable in, because, regardless of what, I'm still black, so I love music, I love the culture, right, and so I want to be involved in a culture, but then a culture isn't involved within me, yeah. So, and then, before we even pass that, I do want to share a little bit, like when you talk about the history and people have to understand to that around slavery time, anyone that was different and had a disability, that was black, wasn't useful. So you think about it from that perspective is definitely something generationally been been built into us, because if we weren't useful, there's a I don't know how true it is they bet it's to the, to the, to the alligators, you know, and and I did like that where they just kind of pushed you off because, again, you couldn't, you couldn't work, labor, and so yeah so that also.

Speaker 1: 17:14

We talked about generational trauma. Well, that's, that's a layer of that trauma. You know, yeah, well, you're not useful. Yeah, you don't have the ability. So, as we're growing, segregation was just done 50 years ago, so you have to think about that too.

Speaker 1: 17:30

Where are the black disabled individuals around that era that I can visualize that was actually living and thriving? You know, yeah, and we've had conversations with some of our old geez and learn stories of individuals with CP having to, you know, kind of scoot it and to it, in a sense, to get on the buses or when you have to walk, mouse right. So all of these things have been barriers for disability as a whole, when it comes to school system, history, all of that. But when you have that extra layer of identity which makes you different to everyone else, now this a hindrance. So just kind of wanted people to understand that it does go deeper than just 2020. And what's now? It goes deeper to. Well, when did you ever see black representation of a disabled body in the hospitals? Yeah, in the medical books, anywhere that you felt like, okay, right, like you didn't.

Speaker 1: 18:36

What you see us now and I say us because it low, low me and a few other handful of people that they grab and taking our pictures, right, but before that you had a lot of people searching for the person that they were supposed to become, and that's the representation, because it failed us so long.

Speaker 2: 18:55

Yeah, no, and that's big facts. I mean, you know, even in certain interviews people have always asked me like well, when you were newly diagnosed as a teenager, like who did you have to look up to? To you know, feel good about yourself? Or to you know who did you have to look up to? And I was just like nobody, nobody with the disability at least, like I would see, like the Raven Simons and Kyla Pratt and stuff like that, and be like oh, that's key palm or like that's cool what they're doing. I feel like my personality is like theirs, I love them, but I know they didn't move around in the same way that I did. And again, I think even at a young age I didn't even fully, fully grasp the concept of what it meant to have a disability at 14. All this shit didn't really come to me until I was an adult. But I think that's also also the other thing about it is, like you said, even with us not being useful back then.

Speaker 2: 20:00

That's when internalized ableism kicks in twice as much, because we talked about internalized ableism within the disability community. But I feel there's a certain level of internalized ableism when you are a black person, because there's this, this idea that constantly gets brought up. We have to work twice as hard, twice as much, be twice as talented to get just the the, the equal amount of, you know, whatever our white counterparts get right. So there's this constant, constant proving of our worth Constantly as black people, especially as black women. And then you add in disability. So when you're constantly working from that space of fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, work, work, work, work, work, you know, shout out to Rihanna it's like damn. When do we get our opportunity to chill and know that everything's gonna be all right?

Speaker 1: 21:13

Yeah, probably never. Unfortunately, we're setting the tone for the generations after us.

Speaker 2: 21:18

You know we're gonna have to Then literally, that's what we're doing this for Like this has nothing to do with us. This is for all the generations afterwards, and by that time Lord knows that there's gonna just be robots. But I don't know. I know right I'm not gonna go in that direction. That's a different tangent, but yes.

Speaker 1: 21:35

That's an AI taking over our lives, but they have no color, right Like they have no color?

Speaker 2: 21:41

They have no color.

Speaker 1: 21:43

Okay. So I really like us emphasizing the history lesson here, because I do want people to know, even looking at the title and knowing that we're about to have a conversation on blackness and disability, that we're not trying to be able to say this is a black and white thing. When it comes to blackness and disability, it's a human issue right now. Yeah, it's everywhere. Like for me just to emphasize, I was on a recent episode of Queer Eye for a second time and I got to meet a young man that is in a wheelchair from a car accident and he emphasized in this meeting me and him had that because he's in a wheelchair, most people think that he was shot Just in a wheelchair. So, again, like when I say, a human issue, there is so many cultures that literally pray on our downfall, in a sense, and visualize it. When you see someone that is different, you see some wheelchair and you already think they were shot, not because they told you they were shot, but because of the lifestyle that you perceive they live.

Speaker 2: 22:47

Right.

Speaker 1: 22:47

Like in states, but you can see your family member and be like oh no, he was in a car accident. No, well, I was in a car accident too. You know what I mean Like, and it's that perception that I find. And when I go out and travel, you get to see how other cultures see you and your disability. By the way you're treated from them Right, and I always tell people that I learned more about how I'm seen as a black disabled man just by the way society treats me Right. If I'm driving far and I go, pull up into an accessible parking spot. You see what I said accessible parking spot.

Speaker 2: 23:25

That part.

Speaker 1: 23:27

I'm most likely to get cussed out or for someone to be belligerent or not even allow me to park because I don't look disabled enough.

Speaker 2: 23:37

Yes, ooh, we're gonna go there.

Speaker 1: 23:40

And so, when you think about it, how are you able to accept other cultures and other people with disability? But a black person needs to look a certain type in order for me to consider them to be disabled, Right? That's also a barrier that I feel like a lot of people get. So it's either you already perceive what has happened to the individual or they don't look up to par. So, like you said, you're going into a space and they probably deny you or offer their own self-perceived opinions and of you not because, oh, you gave on paperwork and they're like you're not disabled, but why aren't you? Because you haven't visually seen it enough.

Speaker 2: 24:25

Right.

Speaker 1: 24:26

See, it goes back to the lack of representation. So me and you, as well as the rest of the community, are going through these multiple layers of barrier. Yeah, but let's go to the next thing. So, with all of these layers that we have, all of this fight, fight, fight. Lolo, you're fighting, okay, and you Listen to that.

Speaker 1: 24:50

At the end of the day, like you know, I want you to share your experience when it comes to the influence that you've placed within the entertainment industry, like you've been nominated for awards, when it comes to acting your own text lives of college girls. That's on HBO right now and if you guys have not watched it, lolo is a pure authentic being on this show. It is so good and she gets to come in rolling and disability to me and you can share it in a minute. But for me, when I watch it, it's not emphasized, it's just a part of you and that's the other part, and you get to be able to like what was it? I'm not gonna share it all, but I Okay, I was rolling in and it was like a nude party or something. I'm sorry.

Speaker 2: 25:42

Y'all have to make you party.

Speaker 1: 25:44

It was something. It was so fun and I didn't see no good, so okay, so just like. Well, this was definitely a TV show, but it really made me feel good that even you were a part of that. You know what I mean, yeah, and your character was like come on, let's go Like you know that kind of set the tone. So you know, share that as we talk about all these barriers. You know your success on HBO, your success in certain films and even the work that you're doing now and even been on a Disney show, right, yeah.

Speaker 1: 26:17

Disney movie. So I just want you to share a little bit of you know how does that feel. But also, what do you plan to do with the platform to make sure that your work doesn't get forgotten?

Speaker 2: 26:29

Absolutely.

Speaker 2: 26:30

So. You know, this kind of goes back to what I was saying earlier. It's like I'm a firm believer of whatever is for you is for you right, and I will say that I know what works for me is because I am my authentic self, like the way me and Wes are talking right now is how me and Wes would talk wherever we're at. Okay, I was gonna say more, but I was like now I don't want people to know where we live. But you know, it's who I am, it's how I'm always shown up, and because of my extroverted spirit, I feel like you know people like my personality and so I use it to my advantage to represent being black and disabled. And so, even when I started acting so I was doing YouTube first, and as a result of the popularity that I was, you know, gaining on YouTube, I got the opportunity to audition for an indie film, give Me Liberty which, by the way, everyone needs to go watch it because it's a phenomenal film. I got the role, but it was about two years before we actually ended up filming it, like that's traditional for indie films. But when I was debating on whether or not I wanted to take on the role, I had some real conversations with some friends and everything else and I recognized that to be in a film where I was a lead character was way more important than my own fears or reservations around whether or not I can actually do the job as an actress, because my agent before Give Me Liberty.

Speaker 2: 28:20

I had never acted before Like I did little funny sketches on ADD and stuff like that, but like real acting lines, intentions. I had never in my life done that. But I had told myself. I said it's more important for people to see a young black woman in a powerful role standing up for herself, advocating for herself and doing it in a way that is justified, based on the context of the story. I'm not gonna tell the story, but based on the context of the story, it's more important to see that than it is for me to punk out and be like am I a good actor? So everything that I've done up until this point has always been about the importance of the representation and I make it very clear with any project that I work on. This is how I show up, this is how I'm going to be.

Speaker 2: 29:20

There's this part of the story that I don't feel is authentic to the disabled community, or there's this part of the story I don't feel a black woman would respond like this. So it's being able to have those conversations with your producers, with your directors to and your writers to say, hey, this ain't it. And because I know I have the kind of personality that isn't afraid to say that, it's even more important for me to take advantage of the opportunities that I can so that way I can make sure that I'm not only speaking up for myself, but I'm speaking up for the viewers who are gonna end up watching this. I'm speaking up for the actors to come up behind me next and the ones that are right alongside of me doing it at the same time that I'm doing it. So I want to make sure that I'm hitting all of those points.

Speaker 2: 30:14

So, with the opportunity of something like Sex Lies, the thing that drew me to the character was the fact that they wrote it in a way that had really nothing to do with her disability, but they never shied away from the fact that she shows up in a wheelchair, and so I had conversations with our showrunner, justin, and talking to my agent and the people on set about accommodations and accessibility and all the different things, because I know I'm not showing up just to be an actress and one day talent with disabilities will be able to show up and just act and go home.

Speaker 2: 30:55

But until then, there's got to be the people like myself and many others right now who are going into these spaces saying fix that, work on that, that's great, keep going in that direction. Oh, y'all should have asked me first, but that's all right, we're going to work this out. Here goes the solution for that, and so with that, I intentionally pick the roles that are authentic to the disabled experience and with the platform kind of, what I'm saying is is that advocating behind the scenes, advocating every time I get the opportunity to speak, because now, because of the popularity, everybody want to talk to me. So, my boys, we're going to talk to each other, we're going to talk about this.

Speaker 1: 31:42

Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2: 31:44

We're going to make sure we address these things and then, with that, ultimately leads to live solo, the lifestyle brand.

Speaker 1: 31:52

Nice.

Speaker 2: 31:54

And so, yeah, that's. That's just where it's at. It's just overall about advocating for a better experience, a better life, a better lifestyle for people with disabilities and for black people with disabilities to see themselves and know that there there's more that we can do than what anybody tells us on a regular basis.

Speaker 1: 32:20

Absolutely, and I really like that, because you are definitely making strides in the things that you're doing and you know you are an authentic person and I think that shows up everything that you do. It can be something that most people feed into, because when you're thinking about disability, sometimes people don't know if they can be authentic. Right and even with the platform right. Like I always tell people, you know I'm authentic because, like you said, I know who I am. I'm a person that can pull up, listen in the Nipsey and then give you a motivational speech three hours later.

Speaker 2: 32:58

Like.

Speaker 1: 32:58

I know who I am and I own that and what I, what I practice is what I preach, yeah, but I can never, I can never shy away from being that visual representation to that young man or woman coming from the community that I came from, and so you know, there's not enough people doing it. Where that you can, you can shelter your identity, or you should, yeah, right, like you shouldn't shelter your identity because if if so, then you get put into a bubble that really doesn't include the intersections of who you are. Right, right, and that's the part that we're talking about is, like you know, most people have to see disability for more than one lens.

Speaker 2: 33:38

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 33:39

And when you see it from more than one lens you actually now are serving more.

Speaker 2: 33:43

Yes, and that's why I love like voicing the character of Jazzy on Firebirds, the Disney plus animation, because we don't talk about enough Children representation, black children with disabilities being represented. So when I got the opportunity to voice Jazzy, again she's a spunky girl, she's got beautiful curly hair and all these different things, and again it's not about her disability, it's about her imagination, about how fun of a personality she is, how much she just loves her brother and that relationship. That was important to show up for as well, because to me it's the children are our future.

Speaker 1: 34:29

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 34:30

Teach them well and let them lead the way. It's that, that's we have to. Also, as adults, make sure we're we're taking care of our babies, too, with disabilities, because we don't talk about that enough either. And so, yeah, I'm sorry to touch you off, but I had to.

Speaker 1: 34:49

No, because I think, I think I was literally this morning thinking about that.

Speaker 1: 34:54

You know, thinking about how many children live with disabilities that are that are coming from the black community, yet you still don't have a powerful visual representation of that.

Speaker 1: 35:07

Yeah, you know, and yeah, so then it goes back to why isn't the black community accepting certain things like disability? Well, you know, if you're a parent that has a child with a disability, you probably don't even know the resources that are out there because they haven't shared them with you. So you kind of get into a mode where you're empowering your child based off of what you know, and some that's even sheltering. And again, it's because now you just try and make sure that they're safe, protected and all these other things. And so I think that now you, I like your direction and I like the fact of emphasizing that children do need to see that representation, because all disabilities aren't physical, right? Yeah, and within the black community, we face a lot of individuals that are dealing with autism, something that you know it's, it's, it's, it's multi to especially like, even, as a lot of people are, you know, sharing the mental health issue.

Speaker 1: 36:07

So you know, at PTSD, depression, anxiety, all of these, I was just about to bring it up being black, not knowing that you can get to therapy, not even understanding therapy, and then having a disability where people still don't really want to serve you because you have so many layers of trauma. Yes, so you can be served from my disability, because I'm going to tell you I might be feeling some talk away about this black man that just got shot on TV yesterday, and are you going to talk to me about that too, because it's triggering my disability.

Speaker 2: 36:41

Exactly, exactly. You know, and you know I've had conversations with my own therapist. You know, sometimes I feel like damn, but I just don't too much honor because I'm like, you know, I was kind of having this, so it. And that's the thing. When we talk about self worth Self worth is the biggest thing that I struggle with people probably think, oh no, no, so confident. Yes, I am confident in many ways, but self worth is a thing that I have to work on every single like literally, wake up, I am worthy and sometimes I forget to say it and then my whole day is just shit. But you know, I was talking to my therapist about my struggles with self worth and I'm like, how do I find the worth within myself when society says, as a disabled person, we don't see you, we don't accept you as a disabled person, we don't want you in here because this place isn't accessible or you got to go around in the back or you got to go through an alley Up. It's just fucking dumb.

Speaker 2: 37:46

And then when you're a black woman, when literally statistically on dating apps, there have been reports of black women being the least message back on dating apps, the least to be swiped right on, the least to get every like if they sent a message to get a response back. Like, literally, when you feel like you're at the bottom of the totem pole and then like a little deeper than that, it's like where do you? And then, when you actually are in the world and you Are dating or trying to build friendships or whatever the case is, you then start revealing to people like okay, it's a little bit more involved than you think it is, or I need help with this, or I need help with that. And then those Relationships start to get sour.

Speaker 2: 38:37

Or even being in relationships, dating, and literally somebody telling you if you were not disabled, there would be no question in this, jesus. It's like all of this right and In like this is what I deal with as an adult who is successful. Then let's add on that part, I'm successful. People Recognize me every once in a while, like, do you add all what I got, the money and I ain't good, nothing, I don't know I. It's like Lord, have mercy Jesus.

Speaker 1: 39:21

Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2: 39:22

Michael be Jordan, please just show up, say Save me please, sir, because this is getting out of fucking hands. And it's just like you said, it's the layer on top of layer on top of. I'm like, if I'm dealing with this as an adult, how do we start with the kids so by the time they do become an adult, they don't have to Struggle with their self-worth, they don't have to struggle with PTSD because the environment that they in, what do we do and who do we talk to about these things? Because my therapist could only help me so much.

Speaker 1: 39:51

Yeah, oh, that's so good. That's that's so good, you know, because we see so much being advocated about mental health and things. But you know I was. I've shared posts recently where I've talked about, you know, having a disability and my platform, but also just being a gunshot survivor. No one ever came to me with mental health resources at like. I didn't even like you know. I'm only owning it more now because I've watched TV. I'm not even a lot. I started watching TV and it's this show that I would watch and they would be breaking down all these different symptoms from like PTSD and and I'm like.

Speaker 1: 40:37

That's what that is like. I've been successful, I've been talking to people, but I had never really acknowledged my own trauma and things that I was being triggered by because of the lack of assistance or Acknowledgement to the black community. Right, and you have a disability. You don't have a lot of people that are serving the mental health space for people with disabilities, no matter what race you are, and and so that also becomes a layer, you know. So I appreciate you sharing that, because you know we get back into the conversation of kids. If kids don't understand their work, then their value, if they don't see Relationships and things being successful with a disability, you know, if they don't.

Speaker 1: 41:21

You know you get a few on YouTube, but it shouldn't just be a YouTube channel, it should be a lifestyle. You should see it on lifestyle instead of. You know, these are five individuals with relationships with disability. Go follow them. No, because it's it's it's portraying a different narrative when everyone has their own identity and life and so, yeah, instead I just want to be out in public and see. I just want to see it right and what that visual looks like. I just want to see it right.

Speaker 1: 41:48

There's just people out, people at bars, right, like you spoke real highly about the lack of access, and you know, access is the thing that keeps people away from normalizing disability, because if you're not putting someone with the disability in a space that now they can normalize it, then what you're saying, hey, this is for you. So now, yeah, my able-bodied friends know when I'm showing up, because that's, yeah, space for me, instead of me to a bar on a late night, you know, and saying I just want to go have a drink and then I can go pull up and roll up to the to the lower, you know, bar table in hang right, like how, yeah, why can't it be that normal, instead of me rolling up to the bar and that's where all the servers use, they stuff right, I'm all around all these extra right, like I'm around traffic, so I can't even really enjoy myself. Or I go to a restaurant that's new, but all they have is tall tables.

Speaker 1: 42:49

Yeah so now my food is sitting on my lap and all my able-bodied friends think is okay to put a hot plate on your lap. Right, like I, like I'm and I. And I always have to tell people like man, like I'm not, okay, right, yeah again, like I said, like when you want to Normalize, you have to get access, because normalizing something can happen organically, it can happen very Authentically, by low, low, rolling in somewhere having a good time. That introduces someone to say, hey, you're just a normal person, I'm about to go over there. But if only see you at the grocery store or only see you at the hospital, or you right, I'm thinking there's something wrong with you and maybe that's too much for me to be a part of the conversation, right?

Speaker 2: 43:35

Yes, yes, exactly there. There hasn't been enough social representation For people with disabilities to show up to certain places, go to certain things. Like I know there's like some parties that I go to and they'll post me and I'm like, okay, cool, like y'all trying to let people know we good over here, it's a safe space here at these parties, so we love that. But you know, I think in in general, you know, it's like even something as simple as like a Starbucks. It's like, yeah, you get in it, but can you really stay? Yeah, not when there's that much traffic, not when there's that many people at the tables, and you know Whatever the case is.

Speaker 2: 44:20

So I just feel like, with people like ourselves in the space that we are, it can feel really overwhelming because it's like fuck, we have to talk about everything every step of the way. But I will say it's a beautiful place to be because we get to be the leaders and Thoughtmakers, to push and share the narrative. The challenges is making sure we get the fucking credit. People have invented everything that everybody likes, has invented everything that everybody uses and we don't get the credit for it.

Speaker 2: 45:07

Yeah and in the disability space. There have been plenty of times For us, as black people have shared our experiences, said what we said, use certain facts and statements that have now been accredited Towards people who ain't us.

Speaker 1: 45:25

Yeah, we've definitely created champion D I influencer.

Speaker 1: 45:30

You know, in our space, our lived experiences have definitely amplified people without the lived experiences to be the voices for us, because, again, it goes back to the barrier of black and disability and something, yeah, even platforms.

Speaker 1: 45:44

I'm on a lot of platforms, so I want to speak highly about LinkedIn in the sense that there's a lot of this LinkedIn Disability voice text. None of these people Okay, nice people are black, not to a, not to the level of all of the other disability advocates that are on LinkedIn that are getting pushed out and promoted by LinkedIn. It's the lens that we're talking about right now and so, again, like for me, when I look at it, I'm like okay, you know, what efforts do we need to? It's that fight, fight, fight again. Right, how much more do I need to prove to you that I can advocate on all these different areas, inspections? Well, it gets back into you don't want me to talk about my experience, because you're not ready for the black experience and you're definitely not ready for the black disabled experience, because then it makes people question Are there DI efforts actually working?

Speaker 2: 46:41

Yeah, or it makes people in the room uncomfortable and they're like oh well, that's not the part of D E and I we were talking about.

Speaker 1: 46:49

It's like what in big what?

Speaker 2: 46:50

because this is what it is. Like the fuck you thought.

Speaker 1: 46:57

Like it's and so our but that's. That is what is, and the Transparency of this conversation is for people to understand. We're still fighting for the same advantages that some people that haven't even put up a fight or getting, and you know, and, and on top of that, living the lifestyles that we live as Extra pressure to the daily disability that we live with, right, and so People don't even pay attention to your disability anymore Because they're only trying to push you. So, like you say, like you go somewhere and you stress to your bodies aching over that no one's Empathetic to be aware of that, so they just think yeah.

Speaker 1: 47:40

They think you have that super strength that you spoke about at the beginning and you yeah, you supposed to have it for your 18 plus hours. While you sitting up. I'll tell people like man, did you just? Did you sit down for 12 hours? They have. I seen you get up five, six times to stretch. Normally, when I see a able-bodied person come to me like, oh, I got a stretch, I'm like man, you could have kept that to yourself.

Speaker 2: 48:05

Yeah, right, and I think. I think that's the thing is like. It's always like just picking a choose and a what of what can we say? When do we say this? When should we share that? Who do we share that with? And it's, it's. It is really exhausting, honestly it is, but it is again a very.

Speaker 2: 48:29

The way I look at it is like man, it's never easy to be the first there you go there you go Never easy to be the first, and I just have started to Embrace that fully and really, you know, take that on fully and and I feel like too, when it comes to de and I Stop talking to the black people. Talk to the white folks. We know what it's like to be black. We know what. We know, this information, stop talking to us yeah, I do like.

Speaker 2: 49:02

I think that's the other part about de and I. That sometimes a lot of these brands and businesses miss Is like they want it to be this full, inclusive conversation. No, if the conversation is about disability, this conversation needs to be a town hall or a panel discussion with disabled folks, with disabled folks, and there should be no other disabled people in the room. There should be Neither but not disabled people in there to Understand it. If we're talking about blackness, have everybody in there take these courses. You want to take a quit? The same way, we got to take a quiz on what to do when there's a fire. We're working in corporate because I worked in corporate when we got to take those quizzes. God damn, it don't in the quiz About being black and whatever and give it to the people that ain't black Because I'm. The fuck is going on. Stop telling me what the problem is.

Speaker 2: 50:06

Yeah, I don't. Care because I'm already living it. Yeah let's help me to be a raise from being black. Don't talk to me.

Speaker 1: 50:15

I mean, and you know, it's just like reliving a disability story, right, like reliving your trauma of however it happened. If it was something traumatic. It's like when you have to constantly hear these black stories that you're living every day. It's, it's in a, in a way, is like a system that's created to keep you constantly traumatized or defeated, right and so. But you know you said something that was really good, where, you know, not only did you share, you know it's hard being the first, but you spoke about, you know, creating the, the proper narrative that can lead and help and influence Other people, like you or not. So let's, let's talk about the book. You know the book title access to drive and enjoy the ride. And it is on all platforms. You can find it on amazon, right?

Speaker 2: 51:04

Yes, so go on amazon, buy it now and then, when you read it, go back to leave a review because we need those reviews and take a picture of it. Send it to me. Let me know that you got it, okay, I love that.

Speaker 1: 51:17

So you provide a lot of insights and lessons in there. So just kind of share like what was the, what was the drive to create this, and then what is your intention for what people should gain out of it?

Speaker 2: 51:33

So as far as the book, it's kind of like everything else that's happened in my career was an opportunity that I had gotten from my publisher. They reached out and basically was like hey, lolo, we're fans of you and we're a publisher, so if you ever have an idea to write a book, you know we would love to be your publishing partner. And so, after doing some brainstorming, I had realized that the thing that people have always asked me over time during YouTube, sex life, whatever is how do you do it? How do you live this life? How have you become successful in all these different things? And for me it's never been just like oh, it's because I wake up at 5am every day and I look at the stock market by 5.30. Like, there is no routine to my success. Right, there's contributing factors that are what I do on a regular basis. There's habits that I do have, but as far as the initial opportunities to the success, there was no like one way around it.

Speaker 2: 52:43

But when I thought about my story, I was like everything that did happen for me boiled down to making a decision, and so I wanted to write a book about the importance of decision making, because if you know how to make a decision and be fearless in making a decision.

Speaker 2: 53:05

You then are on track to reaching your goals and your purpose and whatever it is that you're trying to achieve. So this book is full of my personal experiences, sharing the stories where I made a decision that changed the trajectory of my life. At the end of every chapter, I give tangible tips on what the reader can investigate within themselves in order to help them make a better decision Tips on what to pay attention to, hats, stuff like that. It's not just a book where you just read it to learn about my story. You actually are able to take something from it and apply it to your life as well. So that's what the book is about, and that's the intention behind it is for people to read it, apply it to their lives so they, too, can live the lives that they ultimately desire and dream about as well.

Speaker 1: 54:03

Oh, I love that so yeah you guys make sure to shut out again, access your drive, enjoy the ride by Lolo Spencer. So make sure you get that. And if you grab it from Amazon, take a picture of it, buy it right now. After you read it, go back and leave a review.

Speaker 2: 54:22

Right, that's right, that's right, that's right.

Speaker 1: 54:27

No, so this has definitely been a great conversation. I feel like I love to have these moments where we can have a very authentic conversation without expectation, and so the way that this was flowing has been very great. Like I said, I've had it running on some of my platforms, so shout out to everybody that's coming in, or anything. But as we close this up, I have two questions for you, but the first one would be you know, what advice do you have for individuals that do represent the intersection of black in this disability, or black and disabled, however we want to put it?

Speaker 1: 55:08

Yeah who aspire to make a difference in society and break barriers. So I think that that's, that's literally the most important part. So I'll just rephrase the question again what advice do you have for individuals that represent blackness and disability, who aspire to make a difference in society and break barriers, like you have?

Speaker 2: 55:29

I would first say be sure it's what you want to do. Have that talk within yourself and really make sure it's what you have to do, because I don't. Because this is the trouble with social media is I. I always tell people I don't want nobody to feel obligated that their purpose is something that has to be this worldwide life game changing experience. People's purposes are affecting just the people within their community or just the people in their family. I always use Venus and Serena's daddy. His purpose was to make Venus and Serena. That's it Venus and Serena. They did what they had to do, you know.

Speaker 2: 56:11

So I would say first, make sure that it's something you know is on your heart to really do, not because you think it's fun, not because you think you're going to get a lot of benefits from it, not because you think you're going to get paid or whatever the case is. Do it because it's something that's really, really on your heart to do. Secondly, if that answer is a yes, put on your boots and get to work. That's like I mean. If you are not waking up and going to bed every day trying to figure out what can I do to make the circumstances of black and disabled people's lives better. You're not working hard enough, and I hate to say it like that, because we just talked about how exhausting that is and how traumatizing that is, but that is the truth.

Speaker 2: 56:59

And the only reason it has to be like this right now is because there's still only a small group of us who are doing it. So the more that joins us, absolutely, the more the merrier to make it easier for everybody. But it's not easy to be the first to do it. So when you know that and you embrace that and you own that, get ready to do the work. But what I will say is, when you do the work, the opportunities are there, yep, and there are the moments of joy and excitement and cool things that you get to do, like travel and meet people and talk to folks and all of the things. So there are, of course, benefits to it, but just know that if you're going to do it, that it requires work and be yourself.

Speaker 2: 57:51

Oh because you will get found out for not being you and that is going to be an extra layer on top of your life that you're going to have to fight for. Because if you don't show up for yourself and you show up as this representation of what you think it takes to be successful or get brand deals, or whatever the case is, then you're going to suffer more than you have to, and it's already hard to live. So just show up as yourself, show up as your niche, do the work and you know, access your driving and enjoy the ride.

Speaker 2: 58:30

Yeah, you know so that would be, that would be my advice straight up.

Speaker 1: 58:34

I want to change you wish to see in the world. But be ready for the change that you want to see in the world, because it's going to come with a lot, and no great thing comes without a test, and life test you in many ways, and so be ready for that, because you're going to weather a storm when you're trying to create some type of beautiful day.

Speaker 2: 58:55

Absolutely, and be patient, be patient, be patient, be patient. It's working.

Speaker 1: 59:00

And the last thing for years because my show is called out of the shadows and the whole behind out of the shadows is bringing people on this platform that's made amazing strides in their life, yet there is a piece of them that they don't ever want people to forget. But your success has it in the shadows. What part of your identity that you always own, that you would always want people to know, even if it's still not visibly shown today through your success.

Speaker 2: 59:31

Oh, that's a great question. You should have told me Um, let me see. What is something that people don't know, that I don't ever want them to forget.

Speaker 1: 59:45

Well, maybe it started at the beginning, maybe it was, it was more amplified at the beginning of your your career, but as your career became more successful, there are certain things that won't reach certain communities because it becomes hitting. You get where I'm coming from now.

Speaker 2: 1:00:01

Oh shit, Um, that won't reach other communities because it's hitting.

Speaker 1: 1:00:10

Want me to give you an example.

Speaker 2: 1:00:12

Please, right Again, give me somebody's example.

Speaker 1: 1:00:14

I give you mine, you know.

Speaker 1: 1:00:16

I look at my life and my success, but a lot of people don't see my life before my disability anymore, Even though for 24 years in my life I live this mindset, this street mentality. I live a part of the community that I'm always empowering, but now everyone just sees Wesley for the 11 years I've been disabled. So I'm always having to say well, you know what I come from this place, this is where I'm like, I'm standing up for a reason, Like I always have to share this to make sure that I'm always going to be a representation to the people that aren't me yet. Right?

Speaker 2: 1:00:54

Yeah, so that's what I see that.

Speaker 1: 1:00:56

So what's been in the shadows for you, or what you're constantly? Oh, you know what you know. You're so good one.

Speaker 2: 1:01:02

There's a great one actually. I don't want people to forget that I am a black feminine queen. I know I work a lot and I know I can talk aggressively and I know that with my disability and the work that I do, I am constantly in my masculine because I have to work, work, work, fight, fight, fight for what it is that I'm trying to do. But don't ever forget that I'm a black feminine queen first, so treat me as such. I want my doors opened, I want my bills paid for. I want it and I'm saying it aggressively with my neck and everything else. But I mean, don't fucking forget it. Don't forget that I cry a lot. Don't forget that I hurt. Don't forget that I want to be loved. Don't forget that I want to be cherished, that I want to be cuddled and held and wind and dined and seen as this beautiful sexual being as well. Don't ever forget that. Like I know, it gets lost in the softest of times, but that that would be my thing.

Speaker 2: 1:02:17

Don't ever forget that shit.

Speaker 1: 1:02:18

And that's one of the most powerful responses that I've gotten. So thank you, Lolo, for that.

Speaker 2: 1:02:23

Yes.

Speaker 1: 1:02:24

Thank you for being a part of the show, of course, and everyone that was watching. We truly appreciate you Until next time. Bye y'all, such good stuff. As we conclude another inspiring episode, I want to remind you that success isn't just about the spotlight. It's also about the shadows. It's about the struggles we conquer, the unseen battles we fight and the silent victories we claim. I'm Wesley Hamilton and you've been listening to Out of the Shadows podcast, where we illuminate the stories of often left untold. Join me again next week as we venture back into the shadows and bring another amazing individual into the light. Until then, remember, no story is too small to inspire. Keep fighting, keep winning and stay out the shadows.