We're trading in self-doubt for self-love, starting with our words. Your body, your confidence, your rules. We're breaking down how the language we use doesn't just affect our self-esteem, but every aspect of our lives.
Join us as we call out three common phrases that eat at your confidence – and offer powerful alternatives to help you reclaim your voice. We're also putting over-apologizing under the microscope, exploring how being more mindful of this habit can help you to regain your confidence. We can't wait for you to share this episode with others as we together harness the healing power of words to uplift ourselves and the women around us. It's time to let your confidence shine.
We're trading in self-doubt for self-love, starting with our words. Your body, your confidence, your rules. We're breaking down how the language we use doesn't just affect our self-esteem, but every aspect of our lives.
Join us as we call out three common phrases that eat at your confidence – and offer powerful alternatives to help you reclaim your voice. We're also putting over-apologizing under the microscope, exploring how being more mindful of this habit can help you to regain your confidence. We can't wait for you to share this episode with others as we together harness the healing power of words to uplift ourselves and the women around us. It's time to let your confidence shine.
Yo, we are going to have a chat today. Look, as you know, I am all about body confidence, which leads to ultimate confidence. Right, if we can, when we can look in the mirror and love who we see, we are able to set more into our confidence in every other area of our life. As I've told you 100 million times, the average woman spends about 12.5 hours a week just thinking about her body, and so if we can take 12 hours of our time, of our precious time, and spend it really stepping into our confidence and living the life that we desire, the world will be a better place. The world needs you, the world needs your confidence, your mind, your thoughts, your values, your opinions, your strengths and your talents and all of the things. Let me just ask you this have you recently heard a friend, or just anyone, a woman, that shows up and says oh my gosh, I'm so sorry I didn't put myself together today? Oh my gosh, you probably don't even want to be sitting with me out in public looking like this. Oh my gosh, my hair, this right. We say all of these things to apologize for who we are and what we look like, so today I just want to kind of like nip this in the butt, so to speak, in hopes that we can shift our language.
Speaker 1:
Because words matter and a few of these that I've picked up recently that I've been hearing a lot of women use I'm just like yo, homegirl, you're preaching that you want to have some confidence, you're begging for confidence, and yet, with the very words you're using, you're crushing it, because the words that you're using is sending a signal to your brain saying this is my reality, this is who I am, this is how I feel, and so it's going to be really, really hard for your brain to be like yo, actually, we're, actually I just said actually double. But you get it. We're confident, we're bold, we're brave, we're ready to go take on the world. If we keep saying some of these things Now, there are hundreds of words that we are saying that's breaking our confidence, but I want to just throw out three of them that I've really noticed a lot recently. So, again, the whole idea is that our words matter, because what we say impacts how we feel about ourselves and also impacts how other women feel about themselves, because, think about it, if you show up and you're apologizing for how you look, what am I thinking that I should do, I should apologize for how I look. And, homegirl, if you think you're looking rough today, like what do you think I look like? I'm super rough. You know that's how our thoughts work and that's how the mentality works with humans.
Speaker 1:
Is we really connect, especially as women? We're socialized to connect in a way where we put ourselves down. When was the last time you heard a woman show up and was like, oh my gosh, aren't I rocking this outfit today? And you might laugh at that because you're like no, I've never heard that before and that sounds funny and it sounds like she would be. Quote unquote conceited right, makes you all about herself. But deep down, that's what we all want. We all want to walk with confidence and and braveness and boldness to make. This is who I am and I love me.
Speaker 1:
And so we get to recognize that how we speak about ourselves and the words that we use aren't just affecting us, but it's affecting the other women in our lives and little girls who are getting the message that they should put themselves down and doubt themselves with the words that they use. Okay, so I've convinced you enough, right, that, okay, we're gonna be cautious and aware of the words that we're using, and so you're like do you know? But what are some of the words that you're talking about right now? These are less about body and more about general confidence, and these things that we're saying are literally crushing our confidence. Okay, so, first one one of them is I'm sorry Really. But do you know what? If I am sorry, right be, we can apologize if, when we make mistakes. But when was the last time you actually made a huge mistake that you apologized and when was the last time you actually didn't do anything wrong at all but you still said I'm sorry.
Speaker 1:
If you're like in your car right now, driving, raising your hand, same girlfriend, same, all the time someone doesn't someone bumps into me, I'm like, oh, I'm sorry, and I'm like, and then I think about like wait, why am I apologizing? And I even have this funny thing now. A lot of you know my, my business coaches and some of the people that are in my circle, you know, they know that I'm working really hard to not apologize for things that I don't need to be sorry for. And you know, often I'm when I ask questions, right, I apologize for asking another question, and so I've recently I catch myself. Now, right, I say, oh, my gosh, I'm so sorry. No, I'm not sorry, thank you for answering my question. And so again, this isn't that. I'm like, oh, I never say these things anymore, but I get to be more aware and call them out. And when you allow other people to understand that this is what you're doing, it's really powerful, because then they make the decision for themselves to stop saying these words and also they call you out.
Speaker 1:
My husband. Now sometimes I'll say sorry. He's like what are you sorry for? Like, okay, you're right, I'm not sorry, take it back, I'm not sorry. And he's like, yeah, you didn't, you didn't need to be sorry, what were you sorry for? And so he is empowering me to also catch myself when I'm saying things that Are literally crushing my confidence. And you know, we can sit here and debate forever as well whether saying sorry Is related to confidence. But if we're building confidence around who we are, stepping into our power, knowing what we think and what we value, what we believe Is good and right, and making choices for ourselves that are right, and we're confident in our and what we're doing, if we keep apologizing for random things that we're doing or other people are doing, then we're actually crushing our confidence, because now we're not walking and talking with confidence. Now we're just apologizing for existing because someone else bumped into me. I'm apologizing and so I'm sorry. Is one of them. The other one that I catch myself a lot now saying is I think Right, I just wrote an email just yesterday where I wrote I think this would be a great idea.
Speaker 1:
Do I think that's a great idea or do I know that's a great idea? Recognize the difference, right, I think. Says I'm questioning myself this could be right, this could be wrong. I'm not sure when is the other way is hey, I know this is a great idea and you don't have to say that you like dnl, that sounds, you know. Oh, I'm wonderful, I'm great, I know everything that's fine. But I can just say here's an idea that I had that I think will work. Or see, I just did. I think here's an idea that could work for us. Here's an idea I'd like to run by you. Here's an idea. Not, I think I have an idea, or I think this could be the right answer, or I think right.
Speaker 1:
We constantly are doubting ourselves. As women, we're encouraged to doubt ourselves. We're encouraged to second guess ourselves. We're taught that we aren't the ones who have all the answers. So we grow up to be women who are saying I think, I think, I think, I think, instead of I know, I know, I know, I know. So catch yourself. Or you don't have to catch yourself, just recognize.
Speaker 1:
How often are you like me who says I think this is a great idea or I think this could work, instead of here's an idea, this will work. I'd like to try this to see if this will work, instead of just saying I think, because I've already thought about it, I've come to the conclusion. Now I get to relay that in a way of hey, I have something to say, it's a solution, it's an idea and I'm running it by you. I don't need, I don't think, I know. This is a solution. And again, these words seem so small and insignificant.
Speaker 1:
But if little girls are growing up constantly hearing women saying I think, I think, I think I'm not sure. What do you think? What do you think? I'm not sure, I'm sorry for how I look, I'm sorry for bumping into you, I'm sorry, I think, I think I'm sorry, I think it encourages them to question and doubt themselves. But when they hear and see a woman who walks and talks with confidence, who says here's the idea.
Speaker 1:
I've recently just to kind of go off a little off track, I've recently come into contact with a couple of really inspiring top of the line of their where they're going in their world, right, I'm not going to give away too many details, but these are women that are very powerful and, many would say, intimidating. They're at the top of their fields, they are well known, they are extraordinary. They don't so far, and me having interactions with them, they don't say I'm sorry for random things. They aren't saying I think they're saying here's how it is. And although that can be intimidating to someone who hasn't been around a lot of women like that, it's empowering, oh my gosh. Because then I hear them, I'm like I desire to speak even more confidently like them, because I desire to live in a world where little girls, it's not a big deal, they don't have to think about it, they literally just become that and it's beautiful to see and to be around.
Speaker 1:
Okay, and last one, one of the things that I again I have a long list of words that are crushing our confidence, especially when it comes to body image, but again we're focusing just on general confidence now, and this last one kind of relates to body confidence, but this is just again one of the top three that I've been hearing recently is it's please excuse. And it kind of goes along the lines of I'm sorry, but it's please excuse how I look today, please excuse, right. A lot of times I see this on social media women showing up for their business, which is so powerful, and they're getting on video and they're making the reels and the TikToks and the live videos, and the first thing that they say when they show up is please ignore this, is it? Please excuse how I look today? Oh, my gosh, I just wrote out a bed and you know I'm coming on, so please excuse how I look.
Speaker 1:
We do not need to apologize for simply existing when we call those things out, of course, right, sometimes that can be. That can help us more, like ease our nerves. So I understand that. You know, especially when I started doing videos and things you know I used I skipped every college presentation because I was terrified of speaking in front of people, and so when I first started doing live videos and doing different things on social media, I always started and said yo, I just want to be honest, I am nervous. I'm like sweating, I don't. You know, I'm trying to get out of my comfort zone and talking to people and sharing my message, and so I'm nervous. And so, if you're you've ever been nervous on a video homegirls same and so I started my videos like that in a way that helped me to lessen those nerves and to let other people aware, be aware that if my voice is shaking, then that's why, and also to connect, because we're all real humans who struggle and have thoughts and things that are very similar. I'm not the only one who struggles getting on video and my voice shaking and sweating a lot, and so other people can relate to that too and say, oh my gosh, if she can do it, then I can do it too.
Speaker 1:
So that that I understand that the issue becomes when we are, when we are constantly asking people to excuse our parent, our appearance, right. Excuse how I look. Excuse the excuse the crazy hair. Excuse that I just rolled out of bed. Excuse that I don't have makeup on. Excuse that I didn't quote unquote. Put myself together today. Excuse that I didn't quote unquote, put my face on, which that's a whole different topic, right? All of these things that we're saying. Please excuse that I showed up today Again, we're sending the message that how we look is the most important thing, because you might be getting on to a video to talk about how we can cure cancer.
Speaker 1:
You might be getting on a video to talk about how we can empower each other. You might be getting on a video to share and talk about how we can build businesses and make more money, how we can support and empower one another, how we can raise more competent girls. Your message, regardless of what it is, is important. You got on a live video for a reason. You created that TikTok or Reel for a reason. You're making a post for a reason. You're showing up to an event for a reason. That reason is more important than how you look.
Speaker 1:
Nobody pushed play on your video to look at how pretty you are. We already know you're beautiful. I didn't push play on your video to look at you and be just obsessive over how you look. I pushed play on the video because I wanted to hear what you had to say. I want to encourage you to stop asking people to excuse how you look, regardless of how you're showing up, whether you're showing up with lots of makeup or no makeup, whether you're showing up with your hair washed or it hasn't been washed in five days, whether you're showing up with a whole bunch of zits or no zits at all, I don't care. The people who are watching your video don't care either. If they do, and all they care about is watching you show up perfectly in this world of looking according to the beauty standards, then those probably aren't your people. Anyways. If you're listening to my podcast because you know that we're all about anti-beauty standards and owning who we are and knowing we are perfect and beautiful exactly as we are that final one that is killing your confidence is asking people to excuse how you look.
Speaker 1:
I've done it to other people before and I've had friends show up to meet me for brunch and they're like oh my gosh, I'm so sorry I didn't put myself together. I'm like do you think that I wanted to have brunch with you because you were going to be all glammed up? No, probably. If you showed up that way, I'd be like home, girl, what are we doing? I'm here for the bread. I'm here for the French fries. I'm here for whatever deliciousness we can eat here. I don't care how you look, I didn't show up here to look at you. I showed up here because I wanted your friendship, I wanted our conversation, I wanted the food. I didn't care how you looked, you do not need to apologize to me.
Speaker 1:
And so, again, we're sending the message to our brain that we're no longer apologizing for things that are insignificant and things that we didn't do wrong. We're no longer talking in a way that says I think. Rather, we're saying here's the reality, this is what I know, and we're no longer asking people to excuse how we look, because we know that how we look is the least interesting thing about us. And by doing that, we're sending that message to ourselves and saying, girlfriend, we're speaking with more confidence. Now, these things are not included. And also the little girls in our lives, we'll get to hear more of what it sounds like to speak and walk and talk with confidence, regardless of what they wear, regardless of how done up they are.
Speaker 1:
So are you saying some things that are crushing and killing your confidence, literally strangling it? Or are you making the decision to die right now, homegirl, that you are going to get off this podcast and you're going to pay attention and be aware when you say these things and ask yourself can I flip them, can I make a little switch? Do I desire to do that to help my confidence and am I willing to try and try it out, see how it goes for you, and I promise you you will catch yourself and you will realize how often you're actually saying and doing these things and how much it is actually crushing your confidence. So if we want to step into our confidence, we want to step into our power, we want to love and appreciate who we are and look in the mirror and say, yes, I love her, we get to start with the words that we are using and make some changes. All right, sister, that's all I got for you today.
Speaker 1:
I'd love to hear your thoughts on this. If you finish and you realize, oh my gosh, I say I'm sorry 223 times a day for no reason at all, and now I'm going to take it down to at least 175. Like whatever it is, if you just start catching yourself and you think, oh my gosh, this is what Danielle was talking about, I want to hear from you. I want to know if you're catching yourself and if this is beneficial and supportive of you and if there's any other way that I can support you on this journey to creating more confidence, especially using words. So take this run with it. Share this episode with a friend if you find it beneficial, and I will chat with you next time. Bye, friend.
