Looking in the Mirror & Loving WHO You See

Have you ever caught your reflection and struggled to find something positive? You're not alone; 69% of us don't like looking in the mirror. It's time to talk about this uneasy relationship with our own reflection and how this impacts our self-esteem and body image. It's time to change the conversations we have around beauty and worth, starting with the youngest among us. Let's open the conversation and discuss the importance of new self-love practices and create a movement that recognizes our worth beyond the mirror.

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Transcript

Danielle La Rose: 0:09

All right, sister, what is your thought on this number? Does this sound crazy, like not realistic, or are you thinking this is right on point? Here's what I'm talking about. I recently read that only about 31% of people have a positive relationship with the mirror Only 31%. Now, does that seem low? Does that seem high? Does that seem like right on point? And do you have a positive relationship with the mirror? And by that that just simply means when you look at yourself in the mirror, is this a positive experience or is this a negative experience? Are you like hey, girl, hey, or are you like why am I even standing here looking at this? I even had a client one time who told me she avoided every single mirror. If she walked, she would cover mirrors, she would walk by a mirror and purposely avoid looking at herself. So obviously we had a lot of work to do there and we did the work. But now, about a year later, I'm reading this stat and I'm just you know, I just want to have this conversation of is that, does that seem right on point?

Danielle La Rose: 1:20

31% of people have a positive relationship with the mirror. And if that is the case and this number is so low, then what are we going to do about it? How can we then? What are we going to do about it? How can we? There are mirrors all around us, right? And is this a positive like? Shouldn't we have a positive experience looking at ourselves in the mirror, like it's us? You are going to see yourself for the rest of your life, and so how can we create a positive experience looking at ourselves in the mirror so that way we enjoy that? We enjoy looking at ourselves. If there's anyone we enjoy looking at, shouldn't it be ourselves? Shouldn't it be that experience of looking into our own eyes and having a positive experience? Because if we can't have a positive experience looking at ourselves in the mirror, then can we actually have a healthy relationship with ourselves? If we struggle so much looking at ourselves? How can we truly figure out how to love and appreciate ourselves If that interaction is so negative? And also, what is the message that we're sending kids? They obviously are going to see whether we are hey, girl, hey in the mirror, or whether we're running and hiding and like I don't want to see myself.

Danielle La Rose: 2:48

It makes me think of you know, all the times you go to take a family picture and all of your aunts or all of your sisters or whoever, and they're like oh, don't show me, let me get in the back, I don't want to be in the picture. And you're like sister, get in the freaking picture. You're beautiful, you're amazing, You're a huge part of this family. I want this memory. This has nothing to do with the way that you look. Be quiet, take the picture. And the same goes for the mirror.

Danielle La Rose: 3:16

Look at yourself in the mirror, be proud of who you see, be proud of who you are, love and appreciate exactly that person. Looking back at you, and I say that, while at the same time saying it's okay if you're not there yet, right. And I say that, while at the same time saying it's okay if you're not there yet. It's okay if you're not at a point to stand in front of a mirror and be like I love you so much, this is so great. It's okay if you're not at that point.

Danielle La Rose: 3:44

But the question, as you know that I'm always going to ask you, is what are you going to do about it If you are not part of that 31% who has a positive relationship with the mirror? What are you going to do about it If you are not part of that, 31%, who has a positive relationship with the mirror. What are you going to do about it? Because that is a powerful experience with yourself. Could you imagine being in a relationship with someone and being like I never want to see you. I like you, I'm going to be around you all the time let's say it's a spouse or a best friend or someone and you're like I loved hearing you and I love everything else, but I don't ever want to look at you in the eyes. That would be weird. But that's what we're telling ourselves, is we're saying, yes, I'm trying to make you happier. Yes, I'm trying to live a great life, yes, I'm trying to be successful, but at the same time, do not look at me in the mirror, I don't want to see myself. That's a huge disconnect, right? How are we ever going to build a healthy, happy relationships with ourselves and with our bodies and live a great, powerful life full of confidence if we can't step in front of the mirror, look at ourselves and say, hey, girl, hey, yes, girl. So what are we going to do about it?

Danielle La Rose: 5:05

One thing I started the pretty powerful girl program, which is a program developed to mentor young girls at the same time as getting moms involved, because we know that the impact that moms and or female figures close female figures in that girl's life is more powerful than any other voice when it comes to her body image based on research. And so we've created this program, and so one of the events that we always host it's our annual event called the Self Love Soiree, and it is the most magical event. It's my favorite. It is just so powerful to see moms and girls. We provide mentorship and activities and we provide mentorship and activities and different things that we do that is designed to increase communication, to allow them opportunities to really dig into the topics that will help them with their communication, especially around confidence and self-love and empowerment and really building that positive, powerful relationship with mother-daughter. That, as we know, based on just teenagers and psychology is that it's natural that as girls get older, that that relationship starts to struggle a bit, and maybe you've experienced that yourself with your mother, or maybe you're experiencing it now with your mother, or maybe you're experiencing it now with your daughter. So the point of this is that we have this really powerful event that is so cool to watch and to see unfold and to hear the feedback from girls and moms, both about how powerful it was for them.

Danielle La Rose: 6:34

And one of the activities that we do is we it's a whole like bingo, essentially. You're doing a whole bunch of different fun activities and one of the things that they do is they are expected to stand in front of the mirror a whole like bingo, essentially. You're doing a whole bunch of different fun activities and one of the things that is that they do is they are expected to stand in front of the mirror for at least 10 seconds, smiling at themselves, looking at themselves directly in the eyes, and that's really awkward. If you've never tried that before, go do it right now. Like just stop, just pause this, go.

Danielle La Rose: 6:58

If you're not driving, like go safely and go, just look in the mirror and stare at yourself and smile for 10 seconds. It feels really funny because we don't do that. So, of course, the girls are giggling and laughing and you're not. You know. They're like this is so awkward and we're like no, look back in the mirror, right. Because again, we want to build that whole idea that look at yourself in the mirror and smile at yourself because you can and should be proud of yourself, right. So we hope to make that a habit for these girls, and also moms, of really digging in and being okay and being comfortable and being excited to look at yourself in the mirror and smile at yourself, even if at the beginning it's weird, even if at the beginning it feels a little uncomfortable. We know that the end result, if we can create this habit, is very powerful for our confidence and our own self-love. So perhaps you even want to try that.

Danielle La Rose: 7:54

Maybe starting there and also one of the most powerful things that you can do, and especially passing along to your daughter kiddos is really, really getting clear about what is the purpose of the mirror. Now, if you've been around for a bit, you know I talk all the time about marketing and our culture and about the $550 billion industry that profits off of our insecurities, and so we have to come to realize that, for the most part, we have been conditioned to believe that the mirror is a place where we go to critique our bodies. Or actually, instead of telling you that, I should have asked you what has your experience been with the mirror? Have you seen, maybe imagine yourself back as being a kiddo? Did you see people in your life look in the mirror and go ugh, gross. Or maybe you saw people with positive experiences with the mirror.

Danielle La Rose: 8:59

What have you been told, what have you heard in your life to tell you what that sort of relationship with the mirror should be? And so I can say for me and for a majority of people, obviously based on the statistic that we have is that majority of us get the message that your goal is to stand in front of a mirror and to figure out everything that's wrong with you, to decide what needs to be fixed, whether it's right in that moment of should I wear this, should I not wear this To quickly make some decisions there, or rather, it's, long term, right To look at ourselves in the mirror and to say, ooh, that is too big, that's too small, that's too lumpy, that's too wrinkly, that's too whatever. And what do I need to change about myself? The mirror typically isn't a positive environment because we go into that space with the mindset of I'm going to critique everything that I see, I'm going to find flaws with what I see and I'm going to decide what needs to change. And that's how we typically approach the mirror.

Danielle La Rose: 10:04

So what if we shift the way? This is getting exciting, right. What if we shift and you're, like you know, really exciting. Yes, I'm a nerd. Okay, this. This excites me because, if we can shift the way that we approach the mirror, imagine you're like okay, today is the day I'm going to hang out with my mirror. It's weird, I know. Okay, but I'm going to hang out with my mirror. It's weird, I know, Okay, but I'm going to go look at myself in the mirror and instead of trying to find my flaws, instead of trying to figure out what's wrong with me, instead of trying to figure out what needs to change, what if I come up to the mirror and I make the decision to look myself in the eyes? And instead of trying to see what I look like, what if I decided to look and see who I am?

Danielle La Rose: 10:46

What if the real mission and purpose of a mirror is to be able to see into our soul, into our spirit, and really see who we are, rather than to see what we look like? There's a huge difference there, right? Imagine you're dating someone new and you sit down with them and you look them in the eyes, right? Or think about your kids, right? Everyone says you can tell everything so much of what you need to know by looking in someone's eyes. You can tell if they're lying, you can tell if they're being truthful, you can tell if they're passionate, you can tell if they're actually emotional. You can tell so much by somebody's eyes.

Danielle La Rose: 11:32

So what if we approach the mirror and, instead of trying to figure out, looking down and looking at all of the different spots on our bodies, what if we went up to a mirror and we simply just looked in our eyes and asked it to tell us who are we, what are our strengths, what's our purpose, what are our values, what are our characteristics, what are some things that just make us really cool and unique? And instead of looking for flaws and things that are wrong with our bodies, we look for the person that we currently are and we choose to see the person we are deciding to become, because the mirror can tell us so much about who we are by looking at ourselves in the eyes. And so if you struggle, like most of us do, with seeing ourselves in the mirror because you're so conditioned to go straight to what's wrong with me, how do I fix it? If that's you, I want to challenge you this week. I want you to start going up to the mirror, looking at yourself in the eyes and asking yourself what are my strengths?

Danielle La Rose: 12:50

What are some hard things that I, that woman that I see in this mirror? What are some hard things she has overcome that she is so proud of? What good is she doing in the world? Who does? Who is she now and who does she desire to become? What's her passion? What's her purpose? What are her priorities? And get to know her. So, from this day forward, how about we approach the mirror as our friend? Because who we see is who we are, and the most important thing that we are are all of the things that make us who we are that have nothing to do with the way that we look.

Danielle La Rose: 13:43

And so if we take this further and we pass this along to our kiddos, what are they going to see now? They're going to see a woman who looks in the mirror and who just smiles, who can go confidently up to a mirror and be like, hey, yay, ready for the day, instead of seeing the woman who stands there and picks herself apart and cries and whines and complains about how she looks, which gives the message that that's the most important thing about her, when we know that you are so much more than how you look and that mirror is going to tell you that if you pause and you look her in the eyes and you search for who she is, not what she looks like, and our kiddos, the next generations, will get that message loud and clear that when we walk up to a mirror, we do not pick ourselves apart. Rather, we smile at ourselves in the mirror, we look at ourselves in the eyes and we give a little yes, girl, high five and we go about our business. We don't need to spend hours in front of a mirror. I preach all the time. I'm going to give you your time and your money back by helping you think about your body less so you can live more. So I don't need you standing in front of the mirror for hours. All I need you to do is get comfortable standing in front of the mirror, seeing yourself for who you are and then going about your business.

Danielle La Rose: 15:03

I've struggled myself for a really long time with the mirror because I did exactly that. I picked apart the rolls, the wrinkles, the cellulite, everything that was wrong with me, deciding what needed to be fixed. I would spend so much time putting on an outfit and looking and saying, oh, does this look good enough. Should I wear this, even though inside I'm like man? I love this outfit. It's so comfy or it looks so cute. I love it, even though you know you can see this, this and this. And so I made it my mission that, as I was going on my journey, at the same time I was learning how to love and appreciate my body. I was learning how to walk away from the mirror. I wanted to be comfortable in the mirror. I wanted to see myself in the mirror and be able to smile and walk away within a second without needing to stand there and struggle over what I see, and so I encourage you to do the same thing.

Danielle La Rose: 16:00

You don't need to spend hours in front of the mirror. Instead, you get to walk into a mirror, smile, be good, look yourself in the eyes, focus on who you are, not what you look yourself in the eyes, focus on who you are, not what you look like, and then walk away from the mirror and go live your life. Your best life is not in the mirror. It's not stressing about what you look like. It's not trying to figure out what needs to change. Your best life is out in the world. What needs to change, your best life is out in the world, and when you can get comfortable and you can get confident looking at yourself in the mirror, focusing on who you are, you're going to be able to live more, more confident, more brave, more bold, because you didn't spend so much time and energy stressing and overwhelming looking in the mirror.

Danielle La Rose: 16:52

Stressing and overwhelming looking in the mirror. How does that feel to you? Are you ready? Are you ready to increase this number together? Right, only 31% of people have a positive relationship with the mirror. Can we get that up to 35? Can we get it up to 40? Can we get it up to 50? Could you imagine a world where majority of people are confident looking at themselves in the mirror and they go out and live their best lives? Can you imagine the positivity? Could you imagine the joy? Can you imagine the positive change that we would make in this world if we spent less time stressing about what we see in the mirror?

Danielle La Rose: 17:30

Stressing about what we see in the mirror because we're so focused on picking ourselves apart and finding our flaws and deciding that we are perfectly imperfect? Man less of that Said who. Who decided what imperfection is? Who decided what perfection is perfection is? Who decided what perfection is. We get to decide that you are not perfectly imperfect. You are perfect exactly as you are. And with that, my friend, let's go stand in front mirror, smile and search for who we are instead of how we look.

Danielle La Rose: 18:13

All right, I hope that this served you. Share this with a friend that needs it. And again, the best, most powerful thing you can do is focus on yourself. Focus on your own confidence, your own self-love, your own relationship with the mirror, because when when you do that, it will be a ripple effect for the next generation. Whether you're a mom or not, the kids, people in the world see you. They do what you do. They don't do what you say to do. So be the example that you wish that you had. So let's increase this positive relationship with the mirror and share this and spread the message and help the other people women specifically around us you in. I feel like we should do like a little huddle Hands in Three, two, one go team. All right. All right, sister, that's all I got for you today. Again, I hope this served you. Please share, send me some DMs, let me know your thoughts on this and how I can support you moving forward. Remember that you are pretty powerful. Now prove it to yourself. Let's go Bye friend.