EP. 36 The Realities of Expectations
Welcome back WITHOUT A DOUBT, the podcast where we celebrate living life authentically and organically as ourselves. We are the ones who believe in creating our own paths and living our truths out loud. Join in on honest and open conversation about self-discovery and growth.
Im ya girl Mad, your host, im a freelance entrepreneur, a thirty something year old human that has never exactly done what was expected of me. Im a sprinkle of reality, glimmer of sunshine, & as unfiltered as they come. Im here to remind you that its okay to do life different . That you don’t have to be what is expected of you.. and that your happiness matters.
100% of these podcast episodes come from some things going on in my current life. My feelings, thoughts, and how I think I want to move through them. Oddly enough my intro into this podcast talks about ive never exactly done what is expected of me and im reminding you that you dont have to live out our life with other peoples expectations weighing on you.
We expect our jobs to pay us, just like they expect work to be up to par. In exchange you get a check. When I worked at orange I expected to get a trophy at 1000 classes, and I didn’t. I was disappointed. That expectation left me feeling like wow, they dont care about me. When really that was my job… to teach classes, why did I need a trophy for that? Lololol
We expect our car to run when it has gas in it. We expect the grocery store to carry milk. These are expectations of things we know. But what happens when humans have expectations of others.
What about the time line expectations? School, career, love, marriage, kids. That bullshit expectation of a time line. Or the one you made up with by the time youre 30 you’ll be married in a house with a solid job. Yeah ok. fuck that.
What happens when your expectations arent met? Youre generally upset.
Like when you go to see your favorite football team who is undefeated and then they blow the game. Youre disappointed Or what if you plan this super cool vacation with an excursion for whale watching but the weather sucks and you can’t go. Youre bummed out. Or when you put your money into stocks thinking it will grow but instead the stock market crashes. Its all about what we are expecting. We generally manage our expectation based on what we want.
What does it mean to manage your expectations?
According to google:
Managing expectations means communicating so that all involved have a clear understanding of what to expect-and when to expect it. It also requires keeping communications open.
You can have expectations, people can have them about you, they could be something that is an expectation in meeting goals, following rules, or just an overall bar that is set for each person in each different area of life.
Expectations are the strong belief that something will happen or be the case. More than anything else, our expectations determine our reality. And our expectations also impact those around us. In a self-fulfilling prophecy, people may rise or fall depending on our expectations and beliefs.
But most times expectations lead to disappointment. I googled today as usual just gathering some research and ideas and most of the articles are about how expectations lead to disappointment.
My mom says she said that to me before but I swear it was my grandma. And I think thats truly why I have such low expectations for a lot of things. i dont expect much from other people, I do most shit on my own, and I say all the time people have their own lives.
First off putting expectations on others can sometimes feel like laying an entire bucket of wet cement on someone and telling them this is what is to be done. How can we expect something of someone if they dont know? How can we expect greatness from someone who doesnt even know the greatness in themselves. I think this is why its most important that we are living out lives our way. That means no gaslighting from family about what they want you to do. If you can, great, if you can’t, oh well. Being the truest version of yourself is always hard.. especially when we are raised with such outwardly voices of what our parents expect us to be, or what other people have maybe said to you about your character. We all have an expectation of who we are and how we show face to the world. Our own expecations of what we want to be and how we show up is how we build our own self confidence. If we always succumb to others expectations of us we eventually become people pleasers. I am not that.
We as humans put pressure not only on other people, but ourselves. I think a lot of people are always concerned with how others view them. But how do you view yourself? What expectations do you hold yourself to? Or standard you have for you? Are you proud of who you are?
That others expectations of us are sometimes exaggerated blown up fallacies in their mind. They are expectant. They are expectant of us to do things that we might not be event think we are capable of. Others expectations of us also may be along the lines of them thinking their THING, event, idea, or whatever is important to you. Even if it wasn’t. Their expectation is they come first. But let me remind you and me, We come first. Ourselves. Do you see where im going with this. EVERY SINGLE PERSON HAS THEIR OWN EXPECtATIONs. We put our expectations first. Everyday, what we want from the day, how its gonna go. An expectation. Your expectations will never be met if you never clearly state them. I Think alongside this sometimes we offer to do things without knowing the whole expecation within the offer.. ask questions before you offer. Because their expectation of you helping might be totally different than what you had in mind.
Have you ever heard your crisis is not their crisis?
What’s going on in your life isn’t what’s on fire in other peoples life. My hoa president told me this once when she apologized for not being present when me, her Vice President, needed her to sign off on roof tarps during a tropical storm where water was coming in from the roofs. She was unavailable during my crisis and when we needed her she brushed it off, later when she was finding out details of the roof leaks and issues in my villa and others she said “ I am so sorry, that crisis was not my crisis, and I didn’t realize how bad it was!”
My expectation was she would help right off the bat, but she didn’t. I expected her to help, but she was on vacation and expected other board members to take care of it. She made me feel less, but the was my problem. Not hers. She didn’t know.
I think this is where learning to manage expectations is so important.
Learning to manage expectations involves setting realistic goals, communicating effectively, and being adaptable to change. Here are some steps you can take to improve your expectation management skills:
1. Define clear goals: Clearly define what you expect from yourself and others in a given situation. Setting specific, achievable goals can help you manage expectations effectively. If youre offering help, know the terms, if you need help, lay it out. So everyone know what the fuck is actually going on. Most people assume and make their own stories up in their own mind so having a clear communicated goal or end game is going to eliminate this.
2. Communicate openly: Communicate your expectations clearly and openly with others. Make sure to listen to their expectations as well to ensure alignment. Learning how to nicely communicate without bashing someone when they dont meet your expectation. You can’t have a temper tantrum when something doesnt go your way. Youre an adult. And most times it won’t go your way.
3. Be flexible: Understand that unexpected circumstances may arise, and be willing to adjust your expectations accordingly. Flexibility is key to effective expectation management. Not everyone will have the same expecatation. I work for a catering company and she always tells the bartenders to set the bar up “nice”.. but everyone has a different version/ expectation of “nice”. Show me what is nice to you and then ill know your expectation. This where I think if you dont know something you should always ask, learn to bend and be flexible. We dont have to be set in our ways, but if you can clearly explain why you like something a certain way/ why you expect it a certain way, the other person will have more undertsanding allowing more flexibility. Sometimes shit doesn’t work out in the way anyone expects it. You Gotta Roll with it.
Overall expectations sometimes suck . I try not to walk into situations with any expectations because I have had my fair share of disappointments. I think walking into something with lower expectations will allow you to be more bendy, but also leave you gratified.
A quote from Julia glass “ id rather be pleasantly surprised than fatally disppointed.”
Lower your expectations. Period.
You are without a doubt a badass, dont you forget it.
Xox mad
