Exploring Happiness, Connection, and Positivity in a Coliving Community with Steve Surridge

Did you know that the spaces we live in can have a profound impact on our happiness? Well, that's exactly what we discovered as we sat down and chatted with happiness coach and TV producer Steve Surridge. Steve, who has spent almost five years living in a coliving space, takes us on his journey, sharing the joys and challenges, the friendships formed, and how the coliving experience has significantly impacted his well-being. It's a chat filled with insight, laughter, and a few surprises.

We didn't stop there. Our conversation took a deep dive into the heart of community and connection, and their role in fostering happiness. Living in an increasingly individualistic world can often lead to feelings of isolation. However, could coliving be the antidote to this loneliness epidemic? We grappled with this question, exploring the personal growth, instant connections and spontaneous social interactions that come with Coliving. It's a fascinating exploration of a whole new way of living.

To cap it all off, we chatted about the power of positive thinking and letting go in a coliving environment. We learnt about Steve's experiences as a TV producer and how he integrates the coliving concept into his work. It's not always easy - managing expectations and maintaining a positive outlook can be a balancing act. But, as Steve shares, the coliving experience, with its unique dynamics and the potential for self-awareness and community building, is worth every moment. So, join us on this episode of ColivingDAO Insights, and discover a new perspective on life, happiness and the power of community.

Transcript

Daniel: 0:13

Welcome everyone to ColivingDAO Insights. This is your host, daniel, and today we have a very, very special episode. First of all, I'm joined by my co-host, gareth, but also by TV producer, writer, director, happiness coach and Co-Living resident, steve Surridge. Welcome, steve, hello, great to have you here, steve, and Gareth, thank you.

Gareth: 0:40

Hi Dan, this is going to be a fun episode because this is our little Christmas special and we thought we'd bring a bit of lighthearted cheer to this week's episode. And on the previous podcasts we've had some very intellectual heavyweights, if you will, and we realised that to really follow what was being said you might need an IQ of like 180 to go with and understand what we were talking about in some of those previous episodes. So we thought it'd be fun to do this one as a kind of idiots guide. Bring it back down to earth, make it a bit more fun for the pre-Christmas cheer. How does that sound?

Daniel: 1:20

Absolutely so. We do have something a little bit different today, a little bit special, as we mentioned, with our special guest. We'll keep you light and easy. We talk about happiness, we talk about Co-Living, as usual. So great to have you here, Steve. And what we'd love to hear from you is Steve, what is your story with Co-Living?

Steve: 1:40

I'm very happy, by the way, to be described as a Christmas special. I don't mind being described as special. I bring special to every day, let alone Christmas. My Co-Living story basically goes back to 30 years really.

Steve: 1:57

My first year at University I was in the halls in North London Middlesex University. It was my first time away from home. I was in the hall at Middlesex University. There was 40 of us and it was, without a doubt, the best year of my life. It was the first year I'd say I laughed loads. I just felt so liberated.

Steve: 2:17

I loved the sense of being surrounded by people who became over time, friends and because you spend such a concentrated period of time with them, they do become your extended family. And that lasted for a year. Without a doubt, that was the happiest year of my life for decades. At that point, as that year came to an end, I remember thinking I'm never going to experience this again, and after I graduated I thought it was just lost in the murky midst of the past, that it was just a one-off experience, and I did pine for that Co-Living experience again for the next 15, 20 years. And then, when I found the concept of Co-Living again and I found it by accident. I, straight away, was like I'm having a bit of this, this is the adult version of the forms of residence, kind of experience and I signed up straight away and within two months I was living as a Co-Living resident and I stayed for four years, nearly four and a half years, actually nearly five years.

Daniel: 3:29

Awesome, so it's great to hear your story as well. I mean, gareth and I have always discussed how we also spend years and years in Co-Living, and I never really feel like looking back. But more importantly, I know, steve, that happiness is a big thing. You do, in fact, also call yourself a happiness coach, which is awesome, and how does this fit in with Co-Living? So happiness and Co-Living what do they have in common and how can the two really support each other?

Steve: 4:00

Yeah, well, first of all, I just started to frame how I've become a happiness coach. I spent 15 years with chronic fatigue, which is basically 15 years of misery. So I understand happiness because I've experienced the complete reverse of that and I thought my way out of it, out of that depression, into happiness, and it was following a specific what you'd say is a kind of emotionally intelligent or spiritual philosophy, and this has got my energy back, my zest for life back and my basically sense of constant happiness back. So, as it relates to Co-Living, I just think I've learned, certainly over the past few years, the COVID years life is about people and you know, you can be a millionaire with 50 fast cars in your driveway and 10 mansions dotted around the world, but if you haven't got strong, positive, kind of life-giving relationships in your life, you can be really miserable, and I think the Co-Living experience really gave me that. You know, I've met you two guys.

Steve: 5:10

I've got a lot of friendships that have continued beyond my Co-Living experience. I was talking with some of them on the beach earlier today it's the other WhatsApp and they are part of my extended family. I meet with them regularly, having lived a long period of time alongside them, in a Co-Living sort of location. I would say they know everything about me and I know everything about them, and so they become real, deep friendships, sustainable friendships. They are like extended family they know more about me and I probably know more about them than our own families, and I think that's what just living alongside people for a chronic period of time brings you know. If you're open to that, though, I think you have to be that kind of person who's willing to share and open up, and that is part of happiness that you're not going through life wearing a mask, you're not afraid to be vulnerable and express your life experience.

Daniel: 6:18

That's a great point, steve. Yes, I fully agree that wearing a mask and being very protective of someone's real thoughts or feelings usually doesn't correlate very well with happiness. People can accumulate a lot of stress and anxiety if they're constantly worried about what other people think or perceive about them. And this is definitely a big point of Co-Living at some point it's a choice.

Daniel: 6:45

People that choose to live in a Co-Living space. They understand there's going to be other people around and they're probably going to see you anyway. So may as well just show up for who you are and you're going to be a lot more relaxed and making good friendships that sometimes last for life, which is awesome. So certainly a big thing. And for all the people that are not living in a Co-Living of course we said might not be for everyone, some people want to have a different setup, but there are some studies that also suggest that effectively, as humans, that we do thrive in communities. So for everyone who doesn't live in a Co-Living right now maybe they've been thinking about it, they've been curious, a little bit afraid in some way she performs, so what can you tell them? How is that going to affect their happiness?

Steve: 7:31

Yeah, I would say one of the big things, because I've just moved to London. A year before I moved into the Co-Living residency and I was very aware I only had one real friend that I was living with that I knew in the whole city of London. At that point in time I started going to meet up groups if you've heard of that as an app where there's specific groups about your specific area of interest and I started to sort of link and meet people that had similar interests, so friendships sort of generated that way. But I only saw them for a few hours once a month. So I was very aware I was taking a big risk moving to a city where I knew no one. So when I saw that this concept of Co-Living existed, I made a conscious choice that that is how I'm going to meet a lot of people which I think in a you know, living in any city, certainly London.

Steve: 8:22

You know I always say most people aren't working from home or in their sort of local residency. They're travelling maybe half an hour, maybe more, across the city every day to work and, as Ricky Gervais says, in the office for most people the only thing they have in common with their workmates is the carpet that they walk on, and so I think it's very hard to develop sustainable and deep friendships and relationships when you're working so far apart from people. Especially, you know, when you think of weekends, you know if someone is living say, I was living in North London and my work colleagues are living in Croydon it's really hard to meet up socially off to work or at weekends and that kind of thing, and so it's yeah. So where's the co-living thing? As soon as you arrive home from work, you know at least 20 people. As soon as you walk in the door, about 20 people on your way to your room say hey, steve, how's it going, how was your day? And that's so welcoming. It is an extended family and I'll say that really impacts on, yeah, you sense the personal happiness, your mental health, because you don't feel alone.

Steve: 9:34

Everyone says living in a city, loneliness is one of the big sort of consequences of city life and I can honestly say, since moving to London what was it six years ago now? I've never felt lonely once and I think that my co-living experiences, without a doubt and yeah, being a huge part of that, I just think you know you don't have to suffer in this world. You know there are options and I think the co-living option is one that can be a solution if you are feeling isolated or you know especially you know, when you're, as we grow up and we become adults, we're supposed to be sort of supposed to be more responsible for the quality of our lives and sort of take choices and, you know, move in the direction of what would benefit us. But I don't think many people do and I do think the co-living you know there's negative to the co-living experience but without a doubt there's huge positives and I think the sense of the extended family, you know, deep friendships and a sense of living in a supportive environment is, you know, substantial benefits.

Gareth: 10:48

Really well said, steve, and I'd love to pick up on a couple of the points that you mentioned there, and the first one is about, as you said, moving to a new city and not knowing anyone right, and we have a, you know, a bit of a loneliness epidemic at the moment, where people are moving more into individualistic living, and myself and Dan often talk about life's kind of backwards in a way as you get older and more mature and more responsible, as you just said.

Gareth: 11:14

Right, as we get more responsible, we go from communities where we're connected to people, and you mentioned being a student, steve, and how much fun it was to hang out with 40 friends every day that lived in the same building, and then you know what do you do when you graduate as a student.

Gareth: 11:29

Me and Dan often talk about this that the aspiration is to get a job that's well paid and then to move into a flat share and then to buy your own place and then all of a sudden you're on your own, and that the ambition of life is to sort of become more and more isolated the richer you get or the more responsible you get as an adult. Right, and even see that with families, because when people couple up and have kids and start a family, they end up kind of isolated in the house that we live in as a family house, unless they're lucky enough to live near a whole bunch of family friends that are, you know, in the same neighbourhood. So life is kind of backwards in the way that we were designing, the way that communities and living spaces are.

Steve: 12:16

We are very intelligent are we the way we're kind of socially programmed? I think most people are unconscious. If you think that, yeah, like you said, the programming is that once you've graduated you look to get a well-paid job to be able to afford a mortgage, but then you never actually live in that house, then you're paying a mortgage for 40 years because you're too busy at work outside the house earning the money to pay for the mortgage on the house that you're never in because you're at work.

Steve: 12:44

And I think, right exactly and I think, yeah, the co-living thing, certainly what you're, so certainly the concept that you sort of you are developing. I think if you're, you know it's almost like a win-win if you're living in a place which is, you know, providing huge nourishment and growth for you as an individual. Plus you've got a stake in that. So it's, you know, equity or ownership. I think that's a win-win which is a progression from the current mortgage. Well, that we're all living in.

Gareth: 13:22

If that makes sense. Yeah, that makes perfect sense. And also, you know it leans back into the theme of this today's podcast around community and being happy in a community, and you mentioned again. You know you were a student and you had all your friends on your doorstep, instant connections, and then 15, 20 years later, this is what attracted you to go live in a co-living community here in London. Can you talk a bit more about how to be happy in the context of a community? What does a community give you to be happier? I think you mentioned quite a few of those things. Coming home from work, you can just go knock on a neighbor's door and say, hey, who wants to hang out in a co-living? Which is amazing. You don't need to schedule everything like we do in London.

Steve: 14:18

Yeah.

Gareth: 14:18

You like to put yourself into a social engagement two weeks in the future? Let me check. If I'm free on the third Monday of the month, you can just knock on someone's door and say do you want to hang out?

Steve: 14:28

have a beer, have a chat, play a game. Yeah, kind of that spontaneous living, isn't it which is fun and creative and instant? Yeah, I'd say the root foundation of happiness is being conscious of your thinking and making those thoughts positive. Is there any moment you know we're faced with a fork in the road? We can either.

Steve: 14:52

any situation we're in, we can either appreciate it and choose to view it positively and love it and engage with it, or we can hate it, judge it, condemn it, rubbish it. And most people are unconsciously doing the negative and that's why there is this huge, you know, anxiety epidemic, because people are talking themselves out of every situation they're in. They're talking themselves out of their own power. I can't do this. What if I struggle? What if I can't cope? Blah, blah, blah. So there's a negative I can't, I can't, I can't. And that's actual energy. And I realize now, now that I'm conscious of this stuff, that's why I had chronic fatigue for 15 years, because I was very fearful, very negative. You know, you can tell just by your own energy level of how high your happiness level is, of how much you engage in the world. You know how high your happiness level is. And so, living in a co-living environment, I think you have to. To get the very best of that environment, you have to consciously be aware of your mental approach to that living circumstance, because maybe we've discussed this slightly on the show, but there are negatives of living in a co-living society. But without a doubt, there's more positive benefits and it is that you've got instant friendship on your doorstep and the co-living environment that I lived in.

Steve: 16:22

They put on loads of events that were really random, which led to a kind of creative spontaneity. Spontaneity and you just never knew what you were going to be doing that evening. And I remember when I was at work people would be saying, oh, what are you doing tonight, steve? And I'd be saying, oh, I'm going to a salsa dance or a candle making workshop or something like that. And I'd go, what are you doing? And they'd be like, oh, watching Emmerdale, watching Corey, watching EastEnders and Going to Bed. And it's like, well, you did that last night and every other night and the rest of the eternity that I've known you, you just do.

Steve: 17:01

People aren't living. And I do think. I think what I love, what I love about a co-living community, is that you live. You get all the soap operas and I'll mention this because I'm a TV producer, as I said, and I'm actually developing a new soap opera that's going to be based on the Isle of Wight, about a co-living residency. So because I, without a doubt, I see it as the future, you know, everyone is watching these soaps where a the characters don't watch television because they're too busy interacting with their immediate environment, which is what happens in a co-living residency. So I do see it's almost you're taking the template of Albert Square or Ramsey Street and that is what you've got.

Steve: 17:43

In a co-living environment, you know, people develop friendships, they develop relationships. No one is watching TV because you're too busy interacting and living and enjoying life and I think, without a doubt, that's the benefit that you know. You feel alive. Ultimately and I think my you know, one of the most healthy mental and focus is that you can have is that you're enjoying the moment. You know you're not looking back at the past wishing you were, you know, as I did after I graduated, wishing I was back in that kind of environment, or you're not projecting your happiness into the future, saying when I arrive at this destination, then I'll be happy. I think when you're in a stimulating environment, such as a co-living residency, there's enough stimulation and that comes from the environment, the people, the friendships, what they bring out of you. I think that creates a joy, a harmony. You feel alive.

Daniel: 18:48

Awesome, great to hear that You're working on that as well, professionally introducing the concept of co-living, spreading the word. We love that. Of course that it was wouldn't be here in the first place. But tell us a little bit more, steve, about your career obviously, tv producer, screenwriter and screenwriting coach, as well as screenwriting coach and how does this all fit in with the co-living theme as well?

Steve: 19:14

Yeah, yeah. Well, basically I love television. I grew up being told I'd get square eyes if I didn't pull myself away from the TV and go out and play football, which I was supposed to do as a lad, a teenager, lad kind of thing. And I love the Australian soaps of the 80s and 90s. They were happy, they were very colorful. Again, it was a sense it was families that were put up.

Steve: 19:39

The Australian shows that I loved they were positive, kind of aspirational shows about what life could be, and it would be about a coldest sack or a summer bay was a coastal bay in Australia and it was about a group of people. Again, they were interacting. It's all about them interacting. They weren't so much home isolated watching television. Their lives were very meshed with each other. They all end up dating each other or marrying each other or whatever kind of like that, and I thought I would love to live in that kind of world. And then when I went to uni again, it was my first taste of that world. We were so busy in student union or doing events or I did an English and drama degree so we were a lot of the time we were rehearsing productions in that, so it was fully high-octane social life and I just felt so alive and stimulated. And again, when you're in that intense situation with people over a prolonged period of time, you really get to know each other and I think you get to know yourself. And I realized this is what I wanted to write about.

Steve: 20:47

And I found British television really miserable and so I thought, okay, I wanna bring happiness to it. And it's funny, before I become a happiness coach, I was very aware, I wasn't even aware of my own personal value system, but when I got to work in the TV industry, literally within a year and a half I graduated from uni and it was so miserable. Honestly, it was like working in a bank, a financial institution. Everyone was so grim, it was very corporate I honestly reckon there's probably funeral parlance where people were having more of a laugh than I did in television and I thought this is meant to be an environment, that's meant to be kind of orchestrating entertainment and vibrancy for the nation, and I didn't see any of it. So I walked away from that, went into managing Blue Chip companies for a few years and then, with the emergence of the internet and all digital camera technology, desktop video editing, I invested in loads of that and I created the world's first internet soap opera, which I ran for seven years, funded it myself in Portsmouth, and again it was about it was called Chalk Hill. You can watch it on YouTube. There are all the episodes are there. And I ran it as a drama school screen acting drama school, where anyone could be in it and they were paying for the training and then they're part to be in the show. And then we did active workshops every week and then at weekends we'd film a TV soap that would actually be broadcast on the internet and it also got picked up by a digital TV channel on a preview, if you remember the preview days Got picked up by that and become a channel's highest rated show.

Steve: 22:31

And again, that was about a fictional community based in Portsmouth. That was about people. People's lives were meshed with each other, lots of drama, lots of comedy, that these characters were too busy living to watch television. And the people, the residents that were involved in this, they absolutely loved it and I'm still in touch with some of the people today and that tell me it's the best experience of their life.

Steve: 22:59

And I do think people want to be living. They don't want to be passively consuming Netflix or something like that, where they're watching fictional characters living a busy life, and so my concept, which I'm set to launch next year, is a new app called Touch Life TV, which is the pitch has been it's going to rival Netflix. I've got investor. I've got an investor that's funding this and it's going to be a new app to rival Netflix and it's all about audience interactivity and it's going to have two soap operas when we launch and the audience can suggest the storylines and also train to be in it, and we aim it to UK wide first of all, and then to go global.

Steve: 23:45

So yeah, one of the soaps is based on the Arnaway set in a co-living residency and that's called.

Gareth: 23:51

Fantastic. So it's a really nice narrative loop, steve, to come back to, because you're basically it seems like your mission is to bring a bit of soap opera life into real life through community living.

Steve: 24:06

Yeah, absolutely, and I do think co-living is the closest people can get, viewers can get to experience in this kind of enmeshed soap opera world that they're. Soap operas are huge when they're done well. Back in the day they had audiences of like 20 million in episode. It would be what people were talking about at work the next day. If you look at the brands, kylie Malau came out of Neighbours, margot Robbie, chris Hemsworth came out of Neighbours and Home and Away, they're launch pads for big global stars as well. So when they're done really well, they're a powerful like form of drama that you can tap into contemporary issues and dramatize and kind of process and inform and empower the audience about social issues that are unique to the day. So that's what my plan is with these two soaps. The co-living one is going to be very lighthearted, though it's all going to be about the concept is family, an extended family. So it's going to be focusing on the family that run the co-living residency and then the residents that move in that become a extended family. And we're buying a hotel in March on the Isle of Wight which is going to be production base for the whole production plus the main base, the fictional co-living residency that we'll be filming in. So I shall invite you to come and view it once it's.

Steve: 25:42

And obviously I'll be drawing upon a lot of my own co-living experiences the kind of faulty towers, esch dramas with management, and at the time so many people moaned and complained, but I just chose to enjoy it anyway. But when you look back it's almost like if you want to intervene with this as well, interject with this, but it's almost when you're living. Some people, probably the closest people, have got to a co-living environment before they moved into. One is maybe a week in a hotel, but then when you're paying to stay at a marriot or something you expect, tell me you think to be pristine and perfect, and it can be a bit dull. When you're in a co-living residency, you're there permanently. So you see the hiccups that the management have the lifts breaking down, the toilets not working, the faulty towers, kind of things going wrong, and there's so much humour in that.

Gareth: 26:46

That's exactly what I was going to mention as well. If your life is like a soap opera inside the co-living, there's a lot of entertainment there, like unintentional entertainment. It's not designed that way, but it becomes part of the town gossip.

Steve: 27:06

Absolutely. Yeah, I think on that point. Actually, it's almost like the management of these facilities and you're the same. You fall into this category. You can create the kind of environment that people live in, but the mix, the dynamic of people coming in and where we lived in London, west London it was an international residency, wasn't it? People were moving in, some people were there longer than others, and it is like this hodgepodge, this cauldron of characters and personalities, and you're going to have a chemistry set, isn't it? And you're going to have some personalities that are going to be explosive as they meet and some are going to interact brilliantly, and it is that it's so unpredictable and so funny.

Steve: 27:54

I'll just quote one of the events that cropped up when I was there. They did it. What was it? Make a fridge magnet of your genitalia workshop. It was meant to be a sexual health awareness, positive sexual health event. It was meant to be a positive mental health event, but that just triggered so many reactions in so many people. This is disgusting. This is low level. We're not paying for this. This is what kind of trip is this? You can't create them if you were sat around with a script writing team trying to devise the next funny episode Again my experience with the co-living thing. I don't have to create scenarios. I've lived so many. Life has given me so many hilarious moments that I'm now going to be bringing to the world of television and making the world laugh. It will be a massive promotion of the co-living concept, without a doubt. I can see more and more co-living residences being built in response, just to bring in another TV analogy there as well.

Gareth: 29:06

We used to joke in the co-living we lived in that there were main characters in the co-living and extras.

Steve: 29:12

You did mention.

Gareth: 29:16

Just to be serious for one moment, you did mention that there are some negatives to that co-living drama. It's fun. It's a lot of fun and high energy at times. Also, there are people that want to get away from that. You don't always want to be embroiled in drama in the place that you live in. How do you manage that as well, to stay happy and to be light on your feet?

Steve: 29:40

The best analogy someone gave to me and I've stolen this. Someone said it's like a cruise ship. You're paying for your space and your sleeping space and your storage space, but you're not meant to live constantly in that room, in that space. You're meant to be out and about engaging in all the social activities and events that go on. I think that's the best analogy. If it becomes too much or you're tired from what's going on in your work or whatever, you have got a place where you can just retreat and shut the door and take time out.

Steve: 30:25

I always maintain a high energy, positive outlook. It's just the secret to that. It's just you pivot your thoughts. You can be facing something that you don't like, but instead of expecting the universe and the world to chip to what you want, you just pivot your opinion of it, your perspective, to one that makes you feel better about it. You're constantly finding relief. Say the Laundrette. Say, for example, the Laundrette had blown up and there was nothing. There was no machines for working. There's 50 people with their baskets of dirty, washing and ranting. I could choose to join in with that ranting or I could just choose to laugh and know it would be fixed within a day. I'm sure I had a spare pair of pants somewhere that I could pull out and wear, or I go commando for 24 hours or whatever. Just pivot your mind so that you're not creating all these dramas.

Steve: 31:22

I do think we create our own stress. Without a doubt, you can have two people live in the same lives and one is stressed out with their nut and one isn't. What differentiates them is their perspectives. They're choosing. When you're conscious, we have full control over our perspective. If you're expecting the world to shift to what you want, you're going to be permanently unhappy.

Steve: 31:51

If you just go with the flow, and we've got no choice but to go with the flow when you're conscious and intelligent, you realise that many people are unconscious and not intelligent and they expect the world to do what they want all the time and they're permanently stressed. You expect life to work for you as well. So many people are stressed because they don't actually trust that life will work for them. This is when it becomes spiritual. You just have to think you're part of the wider universe. It's all connected. It's all symbiont. It sounds very star-walled if it does, but it is that the universe will support you. Then you just feel relief and you trust that you're moving towards what you want, then just go with the flow.

Daniel: 32:37

Yeah, that's so interesting because it really makes me think that one of the reasons a lot of people refrain from wanting to live in a cool living is because they feel that they're better off just having their own place, that it's only yours and no one else's. Because it all comes down to this notion of control. They feel they're in control, but at the end of the day, are they really in control?

Steve: 33:00

No, they become uncontrollably.

Daniel: 33:02

So many things we don't have any control over anyway, regardless of whether there's other owners that can make decisions together with us? Would you rather be the only decision-maker where your decision doesn't really count that much when there's so many things that are outside of your control anyway, or would you want to be in a community where you leverage is a lot stronger? And probably one of the reasons people are happy in a community is because they very quickly learn to let go let go of all the things they cannot control. There's other people there. Some people have different expectations, different wants, different needs, but there's also a lot of commonalities, a lot of shared expectations and shared needs and shared wants, and so on and so forth.

Steve: 33:42

I think that's where it works, when people come in again that conscious choice that they're wanting to engage in a community, they're wanting to meet people. They come in with that expectation, that intention. I think that's when it works and people really flourish in the co-living environment. I think when people are just looking for a room, cheap room or whatever in London and they kind of ignore the fact that they're moving into like a kind of massive hotel and they just expect, you know, to kind of not be disturbed, and then they get really pissed off when you know the neighbors making noise at 2am or that there's a party going on Friday night at 12am and then it's like, yeah, you are living in a community of 500 other people, you know what do you expect. But yeah, it is being conscious, it's being aware of what you're, joining up front and having an expectation, a projected expectation of how you're going to interact with that environment.

Daniel: 34:39

Exactly. So I really see a lot of things that you mentioned how really being together with people is a fantastic training ground in a way, to really develop this ability of framing reality in a way that is functional, in a way that is positive or at least in line with what makes you feel more relaxed and happier just like me, I think one cool thing actually I think it's important to mention.

Steve: 35:06

I think if you're happy in yourself, you generally like people, and I think to really flourish in a co-living environment people in a co-living environment you have to like people. I think that's a foundation, a fundamental to thriving in a co-living situation. And what's the first step to liking people? Well, I think you like yourself, if you're comfortable with yourself. Again, it goes back to the very beginning of this conversation. You're not wearing a mask. You're not coming in highly principled and spiky and snotty and expecting to be threatened and encroached on every five minutes. You're kind of becoming quite chilled and relaxed about who you are and how you're going to be treated, and so you're going with the flow, whereas I think that, from my experience, all the conflicts that I experienced were people trying to control the environment, trying to control others. You know we all meet those kind of people, don't we? Where they want to dominate and reject their personality onto others, and that creates drama, which is good fun if you're observing it from the outside, but if you're in the mix of it, it can be exhausting.

Gareth: 36:29

I'd be curious, steve, how that links to the way we do things at Co-Living Dall. So a resident in the Co-Living Dall community is a co-owner, effectively, and all the other residents are co-owners as well. How does that? How would that set up? Help in the things that you mentioned.

Steve: 36:48

It's interesting, I think, that obviously the people coming in, if they're investing, like for equity or something, they've got a sense of permanency about that, that the Co-Living residency, being there a destination for a prolonged period of time, which I think is suggestive of their mindset that they're. They are the kind of person that enjoys that, is comfortable in themselves. They are the kind of person that is liking and wanting to be around other people. So I think you aren't going to get these people that are just looking for a room found a cheap deal on spare rooms and signed up there and didn't realize what they were moving into. I think you imagine you're betting the people. Are you in advance to make sure that it's a match? Have you been doing that?

Gareth: 37:41

So the Co-Living Dall communities are. They're in control of their own destiny, effectively. Each community is its own company, and so they can. They can choose how they're going to arrange the way they do things, and so if the residents and the management in a in a Co-Living Dall community feel that it's important for the residents to vet other residents, then they can do that. It's completely up to them. So they have they have the free choice to set it up how they see fit. Okay.

Steve: 38:16

Now, and how would it work?

Gareth: 38:17

Would it be like a democratic who gets the most votes it happens kind of situation, or it's set up in a very particular way, using the fair shares comments and the Dall part of the Co-Living Dall, which means there's a balance of power. Effectively, there's a very carefully constructed balance of power between all the stakeholders. So the residents are one of the stakeholders. The Co-Living Community operator or managers is another stakeholder. Then you might have investors, partner companies doing events and other stakeholders in the mix as well, and it enables them to have a real everyone to have a say, but in a balanced way, using voting weights that are as fair as possible, and so everyone gets a real say. They don't just throw things at each other in a town hall.

Steve: 39:10

Yeah, now, that'd be interesting to sounds good as a philosophy. It'd be interesting to see how it pans out in reality. I can see already my writing head is thinking there's drama, there's conflict there, potentially. Yeah.

Daniel: 39:27

We now seen how we welcome drama in many ways. Right yeah, Now that we realize how life in a Co-Living resembles a soap opera. In many ways, it can even be more interesting or it's more real. Some things you can't really script, which is what you said earlier, which is true. I certainly have many memories that I think, oh, you couldn't even script this, it just is this real.

Steve: 39:51

It was hilarious. When you look back at some of the, there's just too many for one to come to mind really, other than the dildo making workshop, that kind of. I think that's burning my mind forever yeah.

Daniel: 40:08

So with this, yeah, it's been very insightful and it's been great to explore this parallel, really, between the fictions and the reality and how Co-Living really has that element of reality because it's real but also really enables people to live their lives, just like a lot of people, just they pass through life without really living it, just maybe, maybe, just doing the same every day and there's no variety and there's no involvement and it's more of a passive way to go through life as opposed to fully embracing and living it.

Daniel: 40:40

So it's been great to hear your perspective on this, which really resonates. Any final thoughts, steve?

Steve: 40:47

Yeah, it's life. It is living life at fifth gear, isn't it? Fourth or fifth gear? Certainly not reverse. And again, I think you should come in consciously wanting that. The new benefit.

Steve: 40:59

My situation at the moment, just so you know I moved out of the Co-Living residency where I met you guys at the end of August and I'm supposed to move into a new one. It was supposed to be mid-October but that has been put on hold until the end of January next year. So at the moment I'm back in suburbia and I've got to say I appreciate you. I'm appreciating that because I think if I jumped from one with Co-Living residency to another, I wouldn't have appreciated the benefits of Co-Living. Although I'm enjoying myself in the burbs, it is boring, it is very boring and I cannot wait to get back into the Co-Living world and I think this break of a few months is. So again, I'm going with the flow. I've got no option but to, unless I build my own Co-Living residency and blah, blah, blah, you know. But yeah, it's benefited me, without a doubt, and I'm juiced up again to get in there early next year.

Gareth: 42:02

We look forward to you founding a Co-Living DAO, Co-Living community. You can be the founder you can make it a Co-Living for Soap Opera fans.

Steve: 42:15

Yeah, now I definitely, I know, without a doubt, it will really put the Co-Living concept on the map, and then who knows what could come out of that. Thank you so much for the opportunity to hopefully. Is this been an Idiots' Guide or a Semi-Idiots' Guide, or has this been far more academic than those professors that you spoke with recently?

Gareth: 42:44

It's been really insightful. Actually, I've enjoyed going deep into the psychology of what it's like to be a Co-Living resident, from the point of view of being happy and taking control of your own life and living life to the full. So it's actually been. There's been some quite serious points, steve. I'm impressed Very good.

Steve: 43:07

I can be serious when I'm in the shoes.

Daniel: 43:11

He can be serious when we ask him not to. So thank you so much. No, thank you so much.

Steve: 43:17

Have a great Christmas and New Year.

Daniel: 43:19

Thank you so much, Steve, for being here. Garret as well, and for everyone who's listening. We'll be back with you next week. Thanks for being here as well. Make sure you subscribe to the podcast and I'll see you soon.