Ever wondered how mothers manage to do it all? Meet Latonya, a mom of two and a successful professional, who's here to dish the dirt on the messy reality of juggling motherhood, career, and personal relationships. Latonya's stories are a stark, yet hilarious reminder that every mom has her fair share of 'shitty mom experiences', and it's okay not to ace everything.
Journey with us as we take a walk down memory lane, reminiscing the strong village-like support we had growing up, and how the terrain of childcare has drastically transformed over the years. We delve into the tapestry of varying parenting styles, molded by our own experiences and upbringings. We also reveal the struggles and discrimination often faced by mothers in the workplace, while sharing actionable strategies to cope with the 'mom guilt'.
Expect an unfiltered exchange about the rewards and challenges of raising children, the importance of prioritizing, and the necessity of carving out time for oneself. Latonya's wonderful wisdom includes the best advice she's received about motherhood and her thoughts on nurturing her own aspirations alongside being a mom. The candidness of this conversation is sure to resonate with every working mom, so tune in for a relatable and heartening discussion. Latonya's Instagram handle is available for listeners who wish to stay connected.
⏰ Chapter Markers ⏰
0:00 - Balancing Motherhood, Career, and Relationships
14:02 - The Importance of a Supportive Village
28:29 - Understanding Different Parenting Styles
35:25 - Struggles of Balancing Motherhood and Career
49:44 - Workplace Discrimination & Burden on Mothers
1:01:10 - Strategies for Coping With Mom Guilt
1:14:56 - Motherhood, Motivation, and Priorities
"A Podcast for the less than perfect mom!"
➣ For Guest Appearances, Sponsorship & Bookings: shxtmom@gmail.com
➣ Visit our official website: https://www.ForShxttyMoms.com
Ever wondered how mothers manage to do it all? Meet Latonya, a mom of two and a successful professional, who's here to dish the dirt on the messy reality of juggling motherhood, career, and personal relationships. Latonya's stories are a stark, yet hilarious reminder that every mom has her fair share of 'shitty mom experiences', and it's okay not to ace everything.
Journey with us as we take a walk down memory lane, reminiscing the strong village-like support we had growing up, and how the terrain of childcare has drastically transformed over the years. We delve into the tapestry of varying parenting styles, molded by our own experiences and upbringings. We also reveal the struggles and discrimination often faced by mothers in the workplace, while sharing actionable strategies to cope with the 'mom guilt'.
Expect an unfiltered exchange about the rewards and challenges of raising children, the importance of prioritizing, and the necessity of carving out time for oneself. Latonya's wonderful wisdom includes the best advice she's received about motherhood and her thoughts on nurturing her own aspirations alongside being a mom. The candidness of this conversation is sure to resonate with every working mom, so tune in for a relatable and heartening discussion. Latonya's Instagram handle is available for listeners who wish to stay connected.
⏰ Chapter Markers ⏰
0:00 - Balancing Motherhood, Career, and Relationships
14:02 - The Importance of a Supportive Village
28:29 - Understanding Different Parenting Styles
35:25 - Struggles of Balancing Motherhood and Career
49:44 - Workplace Discrimination & Burden on Mothers
1:01:10 - Strategies for Coping With Mom Guilt
1:14:56 - Motherhood, Motivation, and Priorities
"A Podcast for the less than perfect mom!"
➣ For Guest Appearances, Sponsorship & Bookings: shxtmom@gmail.com
➣ Visit our official website: https://www.ForShxttyMoms.com
This episode of FSM is brought to you by Fidelity Behavioral Alliance, your number one source for behavior change. Fidelity Behavioral Alliance creates behavior change programs for schools, parents and organizations looking to reduce problem behaviors and improve performance outcomes. Find out more at wwwfidelitybehavioralalliancecom. If you would like to sponsor an episode of FSM, email us at shittmom at gmailcom. That's shxtom at gmailcom. It's time to put the kids to bed, so y'all get ready for another episode of For Shitty Moms. Hi everyone you are tuned in to For Shitty Moms, a behavior change podcast for moms who are trying to get this shxt together. I'm your host, delorean, and today I would like to introduce our special guest, latanya, who is joining us, live here in sunny South Florida. So, latanya, say hello to our listeners and go ahead and introduce yourself. You're going to tell us your name, age, where you're from, family size and marital status.
Speaker 2:Hi everyone. So I'm Latanya. I'm 35 years old, I have a 6 year old and a 4 year old, 2 daughters and husband, and we are originally from Miami Florida, currently residing in Palm Beach County.
Speaker 1:Alright, thank you for joining us. We're here today because, of course, motherhood is always a hot topic of discussion, but we definitely, here at Shitty Moms, we like to look at motherhood through the life of a mom, first and foremost working moms, and just looking into the whole aspect of juggling work, career, motherhood, personal life, etc. So tell us a little bit about your occupation, like what do you do and how has motherhood impacted your work life?
Speaker 2:Okay, so I currently work for a metro sized government entity. I've been there for almost 11 years. Prior to that I worked in the nonprofit sector and currently I serve in an administrative capacity, and so, obviously, with the 60 year old being the oldest, I had my daughter when I was already in my career, so I can definitely speak from life before having children and working in a career and how that looks now with trying to balance a family, and so in that administrative capacity, I oversee a number of public health programs, and so my schedule is primarily eight to five, just a regular eight hour shift. But my at the point that I'm at my job is pretty much very flexible, so I can appreciate like whenever I do need to handle something with the children, with the family, any personal things, I'm granted that grace at work to be able to do so without feeling like I'm going to lose my job or I won't be able to climb that ladder any further.
Speaker 1:Okay, and I'm glad you bring that up. That's something that I did want to ask you about because I know a lot of women out there. Usually we hear about it or we experience when you are trying to climb the ladder in corporate America and you kind of are put in positions where you have to choose between career and motherhood. I can speak from personal experience. My background isn't teaching. I know a lot of moms out there are teachers. So that's just one of the fields that you know, you're kind of familiar and you're used to hearing women being teachers, mothers being teachers. And oh, you get the holidays off, you get the breaks off, you get off work early, you get when your kid goes to school, you go to school.
Speaker 1:However, I can say from personal experience I did feel a lot of pressure once I started showing interest and climbing the ladder. It suddenly became an issue like oh, you're planning on having kids, oh, how many kids do you want? And it's just not really something you expect in teaching. So it's interesting to hear that you work in the government sector and they're actually pretty flexible with you as a mom. I would think it would be the opposite. You know government, you think very rigid no work-life balance, no flexibility, and you would think the opposite with teaching. And here it is. You were able to climb the ladder and still be able to be present with your family. You know that's awesome to hear, so it sounds like for you and your situation. You're definitely in a mom-friendly environment, so I wanted to know, like, besides working and parenting, do you have any other hobbies? Like, does your schedule allow you to have like other hobbies or allow you to be involved in other interests or side hustles or business ventures or anything like that?
Speaker 2:So I actually have a 45-minute to an hour commute, so that's about two hours a day. I'm on the road traveling to and from work and then my daughter has she's involved in cheerleading and so, as of late, my schedule has just kind of revolved around her schedule. I move around her schedule with her extracurricular activities, if you will, and I'm trying to carve out some time because that has been a challenge. So I'm trying to carve out some time to do some things for myself. Like I may get one day out of the weekend whenever I do carve out that time and make that time for that, but otherwise generally, no, I don't have time. I don't have time to do things for myself without either the kids tagging along or doing something to entertain them.
Speaker 1:Right, and I think most listeners, moms in general, we kind of all have that same struggle. I feel like I rarely hear any moms like oh, this is what I do in my spare time, this is what I do is like, once you have kids that kind of, if you have kids, a partner, a career, you know where do you find the time? Like it's not enough hours in the day to squeeze one more thing in. I feel like I see that a lot the more involved the kids are. And then you start to look at if you have multiple children in the household. So how do you juggle the different? I mean, and you also, you're married as well. So then, juggling that, are you able to carve time out for your marriage, for you and your significant other, or is that kind of like get it in when you can. It takes the back burner. How does that look? So?
Speaker 2:currently my husband and I are on opposite schedules, so he works overnight, I work during the day. Remember, I said I had that eight to five schedule and so we'll try to do things like we'll cook together where we can if there is an event that comes up that we you know the two of us can kind of hang out. We've been trying to prioritize that, but on a regular basis we're just kind of in passing, if you will, and I think. But I think we do understand that we do need to prioritize the marriage outside of the kids. So we do try to make it a point to do things as a family, do things with the kids and also do things together as a couple, just to kind of continue to nourish that relationship.
Speaker 1:Okay, and how often? Not with like getting too involved, but how often are you actually able to like just have that one on one time with each other?
Speaker 2:Um, maybe the goal would be like once or twice a month, okay, but sometimes we miss. We miss a month and then the you know two months have passed where we're just kind of passing over. We're constantly doing things with the kids and running around their schedules and moving around our own work schedules as well. I would say the goal would be to try and do something exclusively for the two of us, maybe once or twice a month, but that doesn't always happen.
Speaker 1:Okay, and how is your significant other Like, are they okay with that? Or is it like, you know, sometimes you have one person that's like we haven't done anything, we haven't seen each other. Or is it like, look, we're both busy, we have a goal, like we're working on a mission to war, something right now. Yeah, and you know what does it look like?
Speaker 2:So what I will say is um the last few years we've kind of been in like a grind mode.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:Right. So I think both of us have been under the understanding that, okay, we're doing things to kind of set ourselves up and set the kids up for a better future. So with that we have an understanding. You know, like if I'm at work or I'm working extra hours for whatever reason, um, that's just kind of understood and we both kind of respect that. Okay, that also is a priority, like we have to make money, so Right.
Speaker 1:Absolutely Especially now.
Speaker 2:So I don't I don't know that either of us are complaining when I think like the time is tight, because we kind of understand, like the time is tight because we're working, because we have other goals that we're trying to meet, um, but sometimes we will look up and like, oh, we need to do something, okay, and then, obviously, recognizing that we haven't done anything exclusively in a while, we will make time for that.
Speaker 1:Okay, and how does that look? Do you like have a mommy village where you just call up, like I don't know, your parents or your friends, and like, hey, I need a sitter? Or like do you have to put money aside in the budget to pay for a sitter to make sure that's taken care of? Like, what's the game plan? How does that look?
Speaker 2:So I think we have a pretty good village. Um, like, we've established a few options. Um, like I said, we're we're originally from Miami and we're currently residing in Palm Beach County, so, um, that's about another hour drive away, and so, um, for the most part, either we'll get my mom to come up to our house to sit or we'll take the kids down to my mom. Okay, to sit.
Speaker 1:At least you have the resources.
Speaker 2:Right, and then I also have established a village here Um, I guess I would call it my mini village here in Palm Beach, where I have a few friends that are here also in their families, live in other places, and so we've kind of banded together, I guess, to kind of support each other, knowing that everybody doesn't have um mom to call just to come, or mom isn't always available, or, you know, have other family members that are always available.
Speaker 1:So we try and trade off and help each other out, right, and that's that's tough to find even one person that you trust enough like outside of family members and even some family members. It's kind of tough to find someone that you trust enough to like leave your kids with even for a few hours. So that's awesome if you have multiple sources that you can kind of reach out to right to get some of that personal time. That's pretty, pretty great, Because I know now everybody's busy. Um, parents, grandparents are even working, Right, they're not retired and staying at home, yeah, so it's like that hustle and bustle is is constant.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and even just speaking with a couple of my girlfriends, like everybody's experiencing the same thing because when we were children, like our grandparents were available for us and our parents are able to move how they needed to move Right, work how they needed to work or do whatever they they had to do in their leisure time and they always had somebody that was home available. They didn't have to worry about childcare, afterschool care, things of that sort, like when school was out like summer break and went to break. They didn't really have to worry about making arrangements for the kids. And so, just speaking with a lot of my friends, we're all kind of in that same space where we've kind of looked around like well, where are grandparents and are always available.
Speaker 2:Because we don't. We definitely don't have that and obviously because our parents are still working Correct, you know. So they don't have as much leisure time, free time, to be able to just drop everything and the kids are taking care of regardless. So we are having to become a little more resourceful.
Speaker 1:Right, and even, I think, just the upbringing itself, just how we grew up in general Working class families, they kind of banded together. Yeah, I can remember growing up here, and Right behind my house was my aunt's house. So if my mom Wasn't home, me and my sister would really just walk through the backyard and go to my aunt's house. And my aunt was home, my uncle was home. Yeah, if they weren't home we would walk down the street like a block. Both of our grandma there's on my mom's side and my dad's side were on the same street, just on the next block. So if all of our parents had to work we still have two grandmas that we would just go to their house any time of day, any day of the week, and they were home. If they weren't home, we knew they would be back shortly.
Speaker 1:Right, it wasn't a Of a big deal, like that was the norm. I can say now that I'm raising my own son We've kind of moved away. All of us are kind of dispersed in different areas, so it takes more effort for me to just see my aunt or see my cousins who have kids that are the same age. Our kids don't play together as much as we did when I was growing up and even I don't even trust my son right now to walk Down the street a block, like if he tells me he's going to the next block to somebody's house, I'm like wait, what, what are you doing? Where you going? Like that's, that's not a thing here, right, and just thinking about how we grew up as kids. You know you could walk if you had a bike.
Speaker 1:You were all around town just Out and about, and if you needed child care, it really wasn't anything formal, at least Not that I saw as a kid. It wasn't anything formal. Is your mom told you where to go? You went on the rare occasion that my mom or my aunt decided to go out for a weekend. We had uncles, we had cousins, we had grandparents like it wasn't a big thing.
Speaker 1:But now you see things like I had a mom tell me maybe like two weeks ago, she had contacted someone from sittercom and I'm like what? But right, you know she needed child care. So it was like look, I got this girl coming to pick my son up. I got her from sittercom. This is her contact information. Like let me know if he gets picked up, let me know what time she comes and I'm like, oh my gosh, like, but this is reality now. Now you have people, you depend on those things. I was even telling my sister like man, I wish they had. Like Uber for kids, like Picking up my son from school every day, like that is a hassle, just getting back and forth, trying to go when you get a break at work. It's just a lot to try to juggle and figure out right.
Speaker 2:Right, and just speaking of like a different village, I think we just live in a different time because, obviously, like, like I said, the grandparents were home and you said, like you had an aunt or uncle, like you had family that lived in close proximity, so that you guys can go to, like now I, I used to take the city bus in Miami as a kid. Um, I can remember probably as early as second grade. I wouldn't dare my kid on a city bus by herself.
Speaker 2:Um, at at that age let alone, like I don't, she probably won't ever experience the city, but Um, definitely not at that young gauge. But we also, our parents, also relied on, like the community, to look after their Children as well, and I think, um, we've kind of moved away from that, yeah.
Speaker 1:I? I agree. You really don't see that community involvement as much when they say it takes a village. I feel like I grew up with the village. Even if After school care was not an option for me, I knew I could go to like our local park and I knew um A couple of the counselors there. Even if I wasn't in a program. They were going to look out right. Um, my tennis coach. He didn't have a formal tennis training program. It's just we got out of school, we used to hang out at the park. He was already at the park and we were going to be productive. We weren't just going to hang out at the park and possibly get in trouble.
Speaker 1:So they threw some tennis rackets in our hands and, okay, you're gonna learn how to play tennis. And on the rare occasion when the pool was open, okay, you're gonna learn how to swim, you know? And they kept us they really kept us pre occupied until our parents got home, um, until they got off from work To pick us up. So we had a village there and those were not family members, it was just people who knew your mom when your mom was younger. Um, my family on my mom's side. They're not originally from here. My mom moved to south florida, um from georgia as a teenager, so a lot of the people in the community. It was kind of like, oh, I knew your mom, oh, I looked after your mom when she was this age, or oh, I knew your mom when she first moved here, and then they would look out For us just because they knew how our parents were, you know, and we respected them, we, we knew if they told us to do something, to just have that same level of respect for them that we would any other Family member.
Speaker 1:And I think that kind of made it a lot easier for people to support, right, um, parents who were still working and just not able to set up any formal child care. I feel like nowadays you, if you're an adult, you say something to correct a child's behavior. You know it, it's a thing, right? So nobody wants to say anything, nobody wants to help out, and then that village just kind of dissolves on its own, um. So it's great to hear that you have a support system outside of family that you can just rely on to kind of give you a break when you need it or Give you some personal time when you need it, and are these like a group of moms that you met in adulthood? Are they people you grew up with? What is your village composed of?
Speaker 2:so, um, some are just friends that I've kind of picked up along the way, whether that's a friend from college, friends from high school that are Just by way they ended up.
Speaker 2:We just kind of ended up in the same Geographic location and um, then I've recently met somebody through my my daughter's After school not after school, I'm sorry her cheerleading program.
Speaker 2:Um, there are like two moms that we've kind of Started to establish a relationship with, and so we've kind of supported each other. So because, even, like you said, it's the hassle for a pickup, with me working um An hour away, depending on the day, depending on how the traffic looks, sometimes I can't always get to my kid on time to pick up from aftercare at the um specified pickup time, and so I would be able to call Anyone from that that group to say, hey, can you pick up? I'm running about 15 minutes or 30 minutes late even. Um. So I think Having the village, honestly that's something that is kind of new but something that I Recognize that I needed to establish, like once my kid a started school and then b when we moved away from Our hometown you know so we had to Um establish that village, but in in doing so, um, then you realize that Pretty much all of us are looking for the same thing.
Speaker 2:All of us are trying to um establish a village, or we all need the extra help for for One reason or another. And so sometimes it is like just helpful, even if on the weekend or just for one night, you know, we can swap off the kids and like have them come sleep over at my house or have my mind go over there, you know. So that is usually really helpful. But I will say um, because my kid is just entering Elementary school. In the last few years, that's something that I, that I I'm just now starting to um recognize as something that we absolutely need um between work, the school schedule, the cheerleading schedule, like all these, yeah, like all these schedules. Like I'm not going to be able to do it all. And again, like I said, depending on the day, depending on the traffic, um, sometimes, a lot of times, there's an accident, um, so what? My normal 50-minute commute that might turn into an hour 30 minute commute.
Speaker 1:Gotcha and then I'm late. And how did you go about Deciding who would be a part of this village, like, is it like, oh, me and another mom, um, hit it off really well. Or do you? Do you look for certain characteristics? Do you look for certain things and moms that you kind of invite Into that mommy village?
Speaker 2:So I will say um, for me, I like for things that kind of happen organically. So if mom and I are kind of um getting getting along fine, um, we can go out. If the kids are around the same age, you know, if they get along well, we can go out. Um, you know, I wouldn't just send my kid right after that, like once, um, um, I'm just meeting somebody, but basically, like after, really I can't even put a time frame on it, but until I feel comfortable. You know, like, if I've, I've had outings With this mom and her kids, you know on a couple of occasions, like, and I will say, in doing that I'm I'm not consciously, but it's just something that you do subconsciously You're kind of looking at their parenting style as well. Just to you know, make sure that it's something that aligns with how you parent your kid, because obviously you you don't want to send your kids somewhere that they're going to be uncomfortable just for the sake of. I need a break, right, absolutely.
Speaker 2:So, I think, um, just organically, like hanging out with mom and their kids and just kind of seeing how that goes and if all goes well, if the kids hit it off, if myself and mom have an open line of communication, then generally, like it starts off as like oh, one night, like we can try a night to spend the night or something or a play day at that house without me that's not like supervised by me or vice versa and then just kind of see how that goes and if it goes well, like I think that's kind of how some of it was established, and then others, you know, like these are people that I know that are kind of close knit to me and my family, so and I say that like I'm sitting here laughing because, as you're talking about it, I'm just thinking about the few attempts that I made at like, oh, we should link up, oh, we should.
Speaker 1:And it's kind of like, you see moms, different moms in different areas, whether it's like an after school activity, practice, extracurricular school activity, and it's like, oh, like this could work Like this could be great. And then you get in a different environment and then you're like, oh, what's happening?
Speaker 2:Correct. Great, and I think it happens. It happens and you find ways to adjust pivot and something that you think might work out. Sometimes it's not gonna work out because maybe the kids don't get along.
Speaker 1:That great Right right, or the parenting style isn't really aligned. And usually for me I can say that's usually my thing, that I look at the most, because I know how I am as a mom, I know my child, I know what behaviors and what comes along with it. So really I'm looking for someone that's gonna treat my kid as if you know, treat my kid like they were your own. But then I've even told myself like, wait a minute, maybe I don't Like once you see that parenting style, like, oh, maybe I don't want you to treat my kid like you treat your kid, because oh, it's not, you know, aligned with the parenting style. So I know those are things that I look at and sometimes it can be great and sometimes it's like a disaster, like a board mission. You know, let's try to go back to the drawing board. So with that, that brings me to my next question how would you describe yourself as a mom? Like your parenting style? Right, right, right.
Speaker 2:I think that I'm looking for the right word and be real.
Speaker 1:You know this is called Borschtity Moms for a reason. So don't think you have to kind of sugarcoat, because we have all different types of parenting styles and mom styles and you know how do you see yourself.
Speaker 2:So, right, I get that, but I'm trying to figure out if I can sum up what, how I view my parenting style. I think for the most part I'm pretty easygoing. Pretty easygoing Things like education. Obviously I'm a little tougher in that area and maybe more affiliative, just you know, like, because obviously I feel like I want my kids to be comfortable with me, like I want her to be able to talk to me you know, obviously, when you have a kid, time just goes on so quickly but then also being authoritative when necessary, like I don't think that we always have to rule with an iron fist. I don't think that children should be afraid of their parents to some degree what? No, to some degree, but I don't think that kids should be, like, fear their parents. So you kind of got to strike the balance, and that's something that I'm just trying to figure out. And then, obviously, parenting with a partner, that looks a little different also, because sometimes you guys aren't always in agreement with the way that the parenting should be what the parenting style should be.
Speaker 2:So we've kind of butted heads a couple times Like run into some conflict, because if you ask my husband he'll tell you that I gentle parent, okay, yeah.
Speaker 1:So is he more of the like disciplinarian? Oh, absolutely, oh, absolutely.
Speaker 2:Okay, absolutely and so. But I think to some degree it works. Like I do find myself, like I've had to learn over time, like, okay, don't always get in the way, don't always interfere, like intervene when he's doing his thing.
Speaker 1:So I'm working on that, okay. So if you don't agree with their like approach or how they handle a certain situation, but you don't want to get in the way, how do you handle that?
Speaker 2:I don't think I won't address like my dismay. If you will, I won't address that in front of the kid Cause. Obviously I do believe like we need to be a united front, Okay, but in private we'll have a discussion about it and generally it's we both kind of see things differently and we've just kind of come to understand and respect that Okay. So we have a difference of opinion. Like in a agree to disagree type situation, we agree to disagree Okay.
Speaker 1:And sometimes that's best, because certain things you're just not going to see eye to eye. I know. For me, describing myself as a mom, I'll say I'm the one that's like all over the place. It definitely comes from a place of love, but I've noticed, to my own fault, like I will default to the parenting style that I was raised with.
Speaker 2:Right and I think a lot of people do that Right.
Speaker 1:So I just didn't realize like how much I do it. So I don't want to say like I rule with an iron fist, but you know that's how I was raised. I was raised with a no nonsense single mom, like she worked at one point. She worked four jobs at one time. So there was no room for foolishness. Mistakes Like our lectures are look, we got warnings. Yeah, don't have them. People call my job. I better not have to go to the school. That was it. Like that's all we got. So I know, sometimes when certain situations arise with me, my son, when I don't know what to do, it's like all right, this is going to be it. Enough is enough. I said what, I said, yeah, and you know this generation. Now they need explanation.
Speaker 1:They got a boy. They want to be heard, they have a boy. They need to know why, they need to explain their point of view. And it's like, excuse me, you're 10. Yeah, you don't get a voice. Yeah, it's because I said so and really I default to that out of fear, because I'm like in the back of my mind like oh my gosh, like I don't know what to do. But I don't want him to see that I'm panicking and I don't know what to do so. I'm like cause I said so Right.
Speaker 1:In the discussion Right, which is never a good thing. I think I noticed that the more I started to do it, the more I started thinking back to the way that I was raised by my mom and I'm like, oh, wait a minute, was she doing that because she didn't know what to do? Like More than like yeah.
Speaker 2:So I'm like but I think a lot of people do Like you. Default to what you know. Absolutely what's familiar in whatever situation that can be parenting, that can be at work, that can be just in anywhere. Yeah, generally you default to what you know because it's harder to do something different. Right? Absolutely so, and I think my mom was. She has a similar parents and style like mine, even though like Kind of chill, yeah, yeah, yep, kind of chill. Lay back, unless you do something to like really piss her off. Ok.
Speaker 1:So you think you do it as a default or you do it like that's just you, your personality.
Speaker 2:It might be a little bit of both. Ok, it might be a combination Because, again, like you realize you, sometimes we do things because we just default to what we know and then we don't even realize that that's what we're doing.
Speaker 1:Right Until after Right Kind of unpack it.
Speaker 2:Right Analyze the situation. So I don't know. I think she, but she definitely has like a similar Parents and style. Ok.
Speaker 1:All right. So that leads me to my next question. I want you to think a little bit on this one before you give an answer. So thinking about your parenting style and like how you've handled situations in the past. My next question is what was your most recent shitty mom experience? It can be an experience in general. It can be something you did, a way you handle a situation that you kind of wish like I should have handled that better.
Speaker 1:Anything I don't know, or something that you kind of do quite often, that you're like, oh, I need to do better with that, like I just did it again, something that you want to work on as a mom.
Speaker 2:I, I need to figure out how to strike the balance, though, like how to, you know, give the kids the time and attention that they need, you know, feed their interests, but also find time, carve out time for myself as well, like I think that's where I feel like I'm struggling, because I think and this was a couple of years ago, but just speaking on the shitty mom experience During the pandemic, I was working an extraordinary amount of hours, like a ridiculous amount of hours, and I hardly like saw my family.
Speaker 1:Like.
Speaker 2:I was always out working because that's what my career called for at the time, and sometimes it was me Signing up for extra hours because I wanted the extra money right, and so during that time I did feel An extreme amount of mom guilt just because I was away, a lot Like my daughter was in Dance at the time. So there were a lot of things that I missed, like I didn't get to take her to school, I didn't get to pick up, and generally my husband drops off, I pick up and I wasn't able to do either of that and then I had to rely on other people to do it. Even like taking her to her doctor's appointments, I wasn't able to be there for those things either. And she had like a her end of year dance performance. I had to miss it because I had to work.
Speaker 2:So so during that time it was a lot of like me just being not being present because I was working. But obviously the way I handle that was just just kind of resting on the fact that it was something I was doing temporarily to set the family up for something else, you know, just to kind of get us out of one situation and move us into a better situation. And at the time she was like four so I was like, oh, she's not going to, you know she's not going to know, that, she's not going to remember or she's not going to notice, but she will ask, like even back then, because my kid is very opinionated very
Speaker 2:opinionated, and so she will ask like, how come daddy always has to take me to school, how come daddy always has to pick me up? And speaking of which, just something more recent, like sometimes and I'll give in because because of that time where I was just constantly working and I wasn't there and I wasn't available for those things so sometimes in the morning, like her dad takes her to school, I pick her up. This year we're trying something different Dad is dropping off and picking up because we reduced her hours of aftercare in an effort to, one, save money and then, two, get her out of school. So her date isn't as long, but some days of the week in the morning I'll help get her ready, and so thereby I'm a little late for work.
Speaker 2:I'm always late to work, because I know that I can't be there to pick up and drop off. So I'm like, okay, I'll help her get ready in the morning, right? And then sometimes she's like who's taking me to school? Why can't you? Actually, she just did this last week, I want to think of it. She's like why can't you take me to school?
Speaker 1:Why does she need that?
Speaker 2:I always have to take me to school, and then I'm like, okay, I'll take you to school. And then I'm like an hour late to work instead of 30 minutes late to work, but obviously I feel like I'll give in in those moments because I know I'm not able to do that, because my work schedule doesn't allow for that. Right, but you know it.
Speaker 1:Just it is what it is, and what you're describing really is kind of like the birthplace of four shitty moms. I can say there are countless times where you're just hit constantly, like over and over and over with the mom guilt because you are trying to set things up for your family, you're trying to provide a certain lifestyle for yourself and for your family, right, and it really forces you to make those hard choices all the time. I can say from personal experience that's where shitty mom, the term shitty mom, came from, because you know it might happen once that you have to kind of put your kid on the back burner and prioritize something else. I know for me it wasn't always work. Before getting to this point in my career where I am now, it was school, right, so that's really where it came from, like.
Speaker 1:But I realized as a teacher early on, like looking at my paycheck, looking at what I'm spending on childcare, it was like this isn't, this isn't going to work, right, and I'm married, I'm not even, I'm not doing this as a single mom. So I can't even imagine how many difficult choices single moms have to make, right, because I know we were and still are a two parent household and that little paycheck from teaching. You know, I didn't think about it then, but people were always saying like, oh, I just stayed home when my, my kid was that young Right Right Because the cost of childcare is so much Right and it didn't.
Speaker 1:You know, I feel like I I do tell people and it's not a secret I feel like I had my son very young. My husband and I are about four years apart, so I feel like for him it was like prime time, right. But for me, being four years younger, yeah, I'm just getting started like and being a woman. I, I know I had to explain that to him constantly. When I found out I was pregnant, it was just like panic, like oh my god, what did I do? I've ruined my career before I even started one. And again, you know people think about teaching as like a mom driven career. But once you start looking at the different paths that you can take within education, is is really not is very demanding.
Speaker 1:If you want to go into leadership, if you want to go into administration, you, you are looking at those long hours. You know the, the administrators in the school setting. They open up the school, they close the school. Think about all the after school activities. They're, they're, they are there from the time the school opens to the time it closes, right? So, seeing that, you know I'm I'm 22, 23 at the time, looking at my paycheck and then looking at my career options, like I wanted to be an administrator, I needed to climb that ladder, yeah. And then I have people telling me like, oh, you're looking kind of round, like, oh, are you sure?
Speaker 1:And at the time I was on like a one year contract, yeah. So people, you know that teachers lounge, stay away from the teachers lounge, that teachers lounge. Like you know, I started showing around like seven months and, luckily, like summertime was coming up. But when I started showing, they were like, oh, this is your first year at this school. Like you don't have PTO, you don't have. Like you don't even have a guaranteed contract. If they, if they find out you're pregnant, they might not, they just might not give you a contract for next year because you're not going to be here, you're going to be out on maternity leave.
Speaker 1:So it's like all of that as a first-time mom thinking that you know, I'm just hearing this to get the job to teach in a classroom yeah, they don't even know I want to go into administration because I need it, more money. Yeah, so very early on, like I hid that pregnancy at work until I couldn't hide it anymore. I think finally, around like seven months, I could not hide it anymore. But by that time I had gotten the contract and I signed it. Yeah, I turned it in and then I went to my principal like I'm so sorry, like I just have to be honest. Yeah, I'm seven months pregnant, you know, I just want you to know what to expect. Yeah, but I need the job. Like I need this job, I need this money.
Speaker 1:And thank goodness, thank God, for my principal at the time. Yeah, god bless him. He was so chilling. He was like, well, to be completely honest, you know he's old school, that's none of my business. But yeah, congratulations, like right. And then what he ended up doing was sending me to his secretary like hey, you're young, you're new to the field yeah let her walk you through how to set up your maternity maternity leave.
Speaker 1:Yeah, let her walk you through how to arrange your benefits, because you're gonna want more time with that baby, right? And I was not expecting that at all, so I have a similar story.
Speaker 2:I have always been like, very career driven and obviously understood very early on that I wanted to be in administration. Just because I. I wanted to be in administration just because that's where the money is right. Like we figure, the higher you go, the more money you're gonna make, right, right, the more job security you would have, and so that that was something that was always my goal. I wasn't quite sure the path in which I would take to get there, but I knew that that was something that I wanted to do, and so I got my first opportunity in leadership.
Speaker 2:I became a program manager and, at my supervisor at the time, she resigned in like May of the year that I was pregnant and I was due to have my baby in October, right, so just a few months before I was due to get birth. But then the opportunity opened up for me to serve in the role in the interim, right. But I'm sitting here like, oh my gosh, like I'm pregnant, they're not gonna pick me like, they're not gonna give me the role because I'm gonna go on leave, like shortly after. So luckily, that all worked out. But there was this fear of like because I'm serving in the interim. I need to show improve, correct right, absolutely like I need to show improve. I need to show them that I can handle, handle this.
Speaker 2:But obviously at the time I have doctors visits, right, my grandma had passed away so a lot of stuff was happening like luckily, I've been with the same leadership at my current job for a very long time and so they were very understanding, very understanding, especially my boss at the time. She just sat me down like, look, you can't be super woman, you can't do it all. It is okay. If you need to go on maternity leave early, go take the time, it's all right. And I was just stuck in grime mode like, no, I need to show improve right. And I remember having my take. I packed my computer with me to go to the hospital, right, that was with my hospital bag because we had a report due and I wanted to make sure that that stuff was turned in and it was turned in on time and and the reports were right. Like I remember speaking to our contract manager, I'm sitting on the phone at home having contractions, talking to a contract manager because I'm like this stuff has to be right.
Speaker 2:Right, you know, and I want this role, and so I secured the role. By this time I was due for birth. But even that we are allowed up to six months of maternity leave, that's nice, right?
Speaker 2:so, um, I set that all up and I only ended up doing four okay about four months because, again, I knew that I was in this new role and I wanted to, um, excel. You know like I wanted to continue to move forward. So I do think that, like being a woman, um, and and wanted to have a family and and and all of that stuff, and I, and I think I delayed starting a family.
Speaker 2:I didn't, I didn't have my daughter until I was like 28, so I was a little late to the party um with regards to my friend circle, but, um, even still, like I was still new in this world, this phase of my career, so I have a similar experience as well, but, um, I don't know you just, you just figure it out. It always works out that, yeah, that, that it sounds like what I've come to.
Speaker 1:It's sound and and it's great that it you were able to just have an administration that was very supportive yeah because a lot of women don't have that, yeah, and I don't take that for granted, right, absolutely, and I I know I'm in a different capacity now and I feel like this day and age everyone is so PC they try to, yeah, remain politically correct. Yeah, so what we're describing, to a degree, it is workplace discrimination. You know so, nobody will ever, especially they're not gonna blatantly say it, correct, it's you know, correct, absolutely, you know what they mean.
Speaker 1:They'll give you another explanation or another reason as to why you were not selected for a certain position and things like that, um, but they won't explicitly blame it on motherhood or maternity leave. Um, they're not gonna say that explicitly. Yeah, but those are things that we have to take into consideration as women. Yeah, you know, and the burden really does fall on us. I can say, as a married woman, nine times out of ten, if my son is sick, yeah, the school is calling me. Even if I put my husband's number on that paper, yeah, they call him. If they absolutely cannot get in touch with me, right, but I'm that point of contact, um, and I experienced that very early. I think I went back to work six weeks after, like when that leave was up. Yeah, I didn't have anymore. I was a brand new teacher, yeah, so you kind of have to read that fine print. You know you're signing these contracts and thankfully, my aunt was there and I was comfortable with her enough, like my baby was her baby. Yeah, so, and she's still like that bond and that connection is there when he was first born, before we even finalized the arrangements for me to go back to work. She was already calling up let me see my baby, yeah, so when we brought him home, she wanted to see her baby and that gave me so much comfort because, right one, I didn't know what I was doing as a new mom. I I can't sit here and tell you that um, that mommy instinct kicked in right away. Like it took some time, yeah, but while it took time for me to develop that maternal instinct, um, I had my village, I had my aunt, and my village is small, like, like I said, I had my son pretty young and that means that my village, like my mom and my grand my mom is grandma, right, and she would kill me if she heard me calling her grandma she's baby, but you know, she's young and she still works full time as well. So I had to rely on my aunt to do that child rearing.
Speaker 1:At the time my husband was trying to climb the ladder, right. So even when we were like in not labor and delivery but the maternity ward at the hospital, I can remember him getting phone calls because they knew he wanted to climb that ladder and they're like, hey, I know your wife just gave birth, but when you coming back. So he was getting those phone calls. And then for me it was once you have a kid now everyone at work is watching. Is she gonna come back or is she gonna stay with that baby? All moms wanna stay with their baby yeah, I want it to.
Speaker 1:But you start to look at the finances I can't afford. I couldn't afford to stay home with the baby. And then when you start paying for childcare it's like, ooh, I can't afford childcare, like I can't afford this either. But it didn't register. People would tell me things like that and I think some of my colleagues were trying to give me that insight. Like girl, you don't make money as a brand new teacher. Childcare is gonna be more than your paycheck. So I really, in my mind, some money coming in was better than no money coming in. So I did. I made that choice. Like hey, I gotta go back to work. Like my husband, he's holding it down, but I didn't want that burden to be all on him. So that was the first I wanna say.
Speaker 1:That was the first like shitty mom moment. I wanna stay with my baby, who's six weeks, but I'm taking my ass to work and I'm like pumping in the closet at work because you know, legally, oh, you have to give mothers. And my space was like, look well, let me work for the government, because my space was this roach infested like science closet that like I would sit there and pump while another teacher was actually in the classroom teaching, and my teacher Bestie at the time she studied genetics. So one day she walked into the like we had science labs at the time because I was a science teacher so she walked into the closet and saw me pumping and she's like you know, she studied genetics.
Speaker 1:So she's like, well, you know, after four months the baby really isn't gonna get any more immunity. And I'm like what she was like? Yeah, so what do you do? Like every hour you just come and sit with the rats and roaches and like, pump your milk. And I'm like, yeah, and she's like, yeah, four months he's not getting any more immunity, but you could keep on if you want to. So you know that mom guilt was kind of like I don't know, pacified a little bit more, because that's another thing you hear you need to breastfeed, like there's a lot of pressure to breastfeed instead of giving your kid formula. So it's like, oh shitty, mom moment number. Like you know, I'm losing track now. But another shitty mom moment. Like I'm gonna put my kid on this formula. Instead of doing the pumping Like I did the breastfeeding, I did the pumping. We made it to four months and this is no longer practical for my lifestyle. Once.
Speaker 2:I returned back to work.
Speaker 2:Like I said, I took four months off but, once I returned back to work and I had a space. I had a space to pump at work. It's just my work schedule was it didn't allow for me to actually take those regimented breaks to go sit down somewhere and pump, and because there's always something that I was either getting a phone call or there was a meeting that I needed to attend or there was somebody in my office. So and again, I'm new into my role, so I want to show, improve. I still want to climb the ladder, Want them to know that I know what I'm doing. They made the right decision by giving me this position so shortly after I returned back to work. I may have made it to six months and that was it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I can say for the moms who do adhere to that strict breastfeeding schedule. They know their rights, they know their laws, they know. You know I can say from my experience those moms were seen as like a pain in the ass at work. And then you start to hear the little comments and passing like she's pregnant again, like damn, do we need to have a cap on the number of kids we can have. You know, it's just not a great or ideal situation to be in, because I can honestly say those women who were farmed with, I need my 15 minutes, you're gonna have to find coverage, I need to go pump. And then if they came back the next year and they were pregnant again, you know you start to hear the comments like oh, god, oh yeah, yeah, she goes again.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so I can tell you, and who knows, it may have been a coincidence I don't think it was a coincidence but those women were never assigned leadership roles.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:So those same women a few years later on down the line, like our kids, are getting older. Me personally, I ended up moving up because, like you said, I had the same mindset you gotta show and prove. Yeah, I have a kid, but I can't let my kid be an excuse for a mediocre performance, right, because you do have to stand out. So I always had that mindset. So I was the department chairperson at a young age. I was taking on different leadership roles very early and I worked my way up into school administration at the same school and in hindsight, talking to those same moms we bump into each other, now they are still where I was several years ago, five, six, seven years on down the road. They're oh, it's just not enough money. My husband had to get a second job. I might have to get a second job. I don't know who's gonna watch the kids. Things are just so tight. Things are this, things are that. And then they start to look at me like, well, you don't have that problem because I know with your credentials and now you're an admin, so you don't have these issues. Well, I sacrificed a lot to get here, but that was because I didn't want to be in the place where you are saying that, oh, things are tight. Things were tight five years ago and I didn't know how I was gonna pay for daycare and I didn't know how we were even gonna survive if I did quit my job. Like the same struggles were there, we just took different approaches. So that is really where the mom guilt and the shitty mom moments started, because then, shortly after getting those small paychecks having a son trying to pay for daycare and you can't.
Speaker 1:That's when I decided, okay, I have to further my education even more, because while I was pregnant, I was wrapping up my master's degree. I did, I wanna say I went through school, graduate school, very early. That was something that I already knew I wanted to do. So I was working on that in undergrad. So here it is by the time I had my son, I had graduated with my master's.
Speaker 1:But even with that master's degree is like damn, I'm not making ends meet, because I will say education is for the educated. Like if you wanna make money in education, you have to get those advanced degrees. So that's when I decided like all right, I already got the master's degree, I gotta get this doctorate. Like I need to pull in as many resources as I can and the idea was to get that doctorate in education so that I could maintain that flexible work schedule that teachers have but supplement my income enough to where we could be comfortable. So I wanna say the first six years of life with my son I was working on that doctorate and that kind of put me in a lot of situations to juggle work, juggle parenting. But school was that priority. So unfortunately he kind of took the backseat with that as well and I always kept in the back of my mind like I'm doing this for him.
Speaker 1:I need to provide him with a better life. But along the way I definitely felt like a shitty mom. When he couldn't play sports, I couldn't, we couldn't do the extracurricular activities because I have a class. I had to rely on friends. At a very, when my son was very, very young, I had to rely on friends to take him for the weekend. At least he would have a good time. Like that was my mindset, Like they were gonna turn up with him. He was gonna have so much fun he wouldn't even notice that I was gone.
Speaker 1:So while he was away with my friends being taken care of, you know, I was at school working on a dissertation.
Speaker 1:I was at school pulling research and working on research, trying to grind it out for him. So it was definitely like I would hear about these things and see other people with their kids in like Little League and I, like you say it, I missed out on those things and I would look like you know, you see social media like oh, like we didn't get a baseball picture or a soccer picture and things like that. And yeah, it just kind of piles up and you feel like shit because you feel like your kid is missing out, but as a parent you just do what you can and you do what you think is best in the moment. So that brings me to my next question how do you cope with that shitty mom syndrome, as I like to call it, like those moments where you just have so much mom guilt, or those moments where you feel like, as a mom or as a parent, like damn, I failed at that. Like how do you deal with that?
Speaker 2:Well, just to kind of piggyback off of what you were saying, I just kind of feel like we want to do it all but we can't. That's just the reality. We absolutely cannot do it all. And mine kind of stems from the same place of like just wanting to advance in my career so that I can provide my family with a better life, better situation, and so just kind of keeping that in the back of my mind, like, okay, I have to do this because this will set us up, like you can see, a few years down the line, where this is gonna make the difference. Like if you're dedicated to this one thing or you see something through and you know that that's gonna set you up to make more money in turn, right, and then you can provide your kid with the things that they need.
Speaker 2:So for me it's just kind of honing that in by realizing, like I'm doing this with my kid in mind, cause obviously, like my whole thing is just that I want to provide my family with a life that I couldn't even imagine when I was a kid. And so if I'm and I have been fortunate enough to be granted those opportunities, like and when I am, I'm like I can see when I am able to like do the extracurricular now with her and I don't have to kind of cap myself with what I am able to provide her with or the experience that I am able to grant her with. You know, that kind of makes all of a world of a difference for me and it just kind of keeps me going, cause I know like at the end of the day, like we need money.
Speaker 2:Like absolutely the cost of living is only increasing. And so we, and we've seen it with our friends and you know people that have taken other routes. You know, like you, it's like if you kept going, you, you know, when we were younger or a few years back, like then, you would keep up with inflation if you will Right. So like inflation is happening at a rate and then you have to continue to make money at a rate. Absolutely. Again, like I said, I work in the government sector. We don't always get pay increases.
Speaker 2:And so the way to do that is for you to prove that you're more valuable to the agency, right? So then you can go ask for a pay increase, because we don't always get them. We have to get our pay increases from the governor's office and so, with that being said, if you want to make more money, you have to be able to prove that you're an asset, you're a little more valuable than you were, let's say, three years ago, right? So I've kind of I understood that very early on and just kind of continued and kept up with that and I'm okay as long as, like, my kid is happy, right, and they're gonna. Kids are resilient, they're, they're. That's what I've learned. Kids are resilient, they're gonna be fine. Like I'm not. I know, at the core of it, I'm not not doing something with my kid or for my kid because I'm just being negligent.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:Because I'm just being a crappy parent, right?
Speaker 1:Like there's a purpose. You can say it shitty mom.
Speaker 2:There's a there's a purpose. You know there's a purpose for what I am doing. That's taking that attention away, like it's not just because this is just something that I want to do Again, like I just to go back. I just said, like my hobbies take a back seat, like right, you know, I might try to carve out some time and squeeze something fun in here and there, but for the most part is what the kids need, what the family needs. You know, right.
Speaker 1:Okay, and because we are not just talking about being shitty moms, but this is a behavior change podcast. So you said a couple of things and I just want to highlight them. Typically, when we're talking about changing behaviors and behavior modifications, what we really do is identify problematic or target behaviors, right. So with shitty mom, we kind of look at ourselves through a lens where we're really vulnerable. But we look at behaviors that we need to change right, we were talking about just changing habits so that we're able to strike the balance, but then also looking at behaviors where we're kind of coping with what I like to call shitty mom syndrome, right, where you're just overwhelmed with that mom guilt or the sense of failure because you haven't met certain expectations. So you said a couple of things that I wanted to highlight.
Speaker 1:One behavior normally in the world of behavior change and behavior modification, we would call them replacement behaviors, right? So you identify the shitty behaviors and then you identify some strategies or some new behaviors that can help you improve those behaviors or those habits. So you said something that was really important. You recognize that you cannot do it all. I think that's huge because we as mothers and in our society, like when it comes to motherhood, it's nonstop. You know you are the end all, be all and you feel like you have to do it all. So the fact that you recognize that you can't sounds like that's one behavior that you've already developed on your own, just telling yourself, hey, I can't do it all. And that kind of sounds like it forces you to prioritize what's important and then next I think it's really important that you highlighted keeping the overall picture that you want, keeping that in mind and working towards it. But, more importantly, it sounds like not only are you working towards these things, but you're remaining disciplined enough to see it through, so you're not just sacrificing time and then you still don't meet that goal. It sounds like you had a picture in mind for your family and then you work towards that goal and you remain disciplined enough to actually start accomplishing those goals so that you can achieve the lifestyle that you want for your family. And that's important, because sometimes we start working towards goals, things get overwhelming in an instant and then you kind of get lost.
Speaker 1:I can say from personal experience I felt like there have been plenty of times where I'm just lost, like I know where I started, I know what the mission was. And I'm looking back like where am I, what am I doing? Because I'm not doing what I set out to do. I know this was the mission. Have I accomplished that mission? No, I haven't accomplished anything at all. So now you have to hit the reset button. You have to self-evaluate. So remaining disciplined to see those goals through like that's another behavior. If you want to get through that shitty mom syndrome and those shitty mom moments, you know you got to keep the end in mind and stay focused. And then self-evaluation I kind of threw that in there, just from my own personal experience evaluating where you are and just seeing if it's aligned with where you're trying to go and where you want to be.
Speaker 1:So that's really important. And then one more thing you said is that some of your stuff it takes a back seat. So that's where it comes to making priorities. But I like early on, how you said, you know, when it comes to you and your husband, you're kind of on the same page with that and you remind yourself that it's temporary. So I like to call that like the struggle and juggle, because you hear a lot of I think a lot of things in the media. Society, culture, just our culture in general, will tell you it's about balance. It's about balance and I have not met, Like, how do you balance?
Speaker 2:Right, like I haven't.
Speaker 1:If there's a mom out there that's balancing, please come on the show. We would love to learn about this balance. Do it Right, because I haven't seen. Balance is either. I call it the struggle and juggle.
Speaker 1:Because you're focused on one thing, I feel like you have to give it your all and then all right, that time is up you throw that away and you grab something else and you focus on something else until you just pick up different things along the way, different priorities, different situations happen that just take your focus and attention away. But, like you said, it's temporary, so you come back to it. So if you are a mom out there that has mastered the art of like work life balance, please come talk to us on the show. We would love to hear from you and really just hear some advice and some strategies that you have, because I can say personally, I haven't. I haven't accomplished that at all. So we've talked about, like, all the shitty moments that we've had and shitty realizations that we've had as moms, but what are some of the rewards that you have experienced so far in your journey of motherhood?
Speaker 2:I would say the biggest, the thing that's most rewarding when I see like our kids are always watching. Right, we're always on stage when it comes to our children, like they're always watching us. They want to emulate our behaviors. And so when I I can't recognize things with my daughter like her work ethic and I know she's only six but I've already seen like those early characteristics of like her just having a pretty good work ethic and I do think that that's because she's been watching you know, by example she, if it's school or if it's her extracurricular, like she's gonna practice until she gets it. You know, like I do try and like help her understand we can practice, but we don't have to beat ourselves to death and in order to get something, like it's going to take time. Over time you'll accomplish these things. Like she sets these mini goals for herself with cheerleading, and to see her accomplish those things, like that's a pretty rewarding feeling. Like to know like last year was her first year with this. She has zero experience and she did a. She did a heck of a job. Like she's caught on to it, like she's found her lane, found her niche with it and she's really enjoying it and I said okay, we'll stick with it as long as she's enjoying it.
Speaker 2:And with regards to school, I put a lot of effort early on and insane amount of effort early on. I can remember she was probably not even six months and I remember telling my husband I'm going to make her genius. Okay, and it was a joke. Right, it was absolutely a joke. But then, like after just kind of seeing like what, what I did was she went to daycare pretty early on.
Speaker 2:She was like four months when she started daycare and then she was at a small home daycare where she was with a mixed group of kids and so the childcare provider at the time she she told me she would always tell me like she shows like such an interest in learning and so we just kind of honed in on that and so anything that we did, I made it a learning experience, whether it was we were at the park, we're counting things or we are identifying colors and numbers and shapes, with things like that.
Speaker 2:Very, very early on and I have all these videos of her when she was a little kid and we were right home from school and like, or on the way to school, we would review some things like shapes and colors and numbers, and when they pop up, like those things give me like the great satisfaction, like I'm like, okay, I'm doing something right. And now, like she's in first grade and her test scores are always really, really good, like like higher than I expect, you know. So when I see those things, I'm like, oh okay, so maybe we are on our way to being a genius. Okay, I mean like it's our running joke in our family.
Speaker 2:But I'm always very satisfied with just seeing the behaviors that she picks up on and as she grows. You know like, and you know as she grows, I'm just fascinated.
Speaker 1:Honestly just, and is it safe to say like that's something that keeps you motivated, or is there something else that motivates you Absolutely?
Speaker 2:That absolutely is something that keeps me motivated, because the ultimate goal for me is to provide her with a life. Like I said, that's something that I couldn't even dream of, you know, like I grew up in the projects. So being able to provide her with the life that she has currently and then just kind of continuing on that trajectory, that's all the motivation I need.
Speaker 1:Okay, so we're going into the end of this episode, but I want to know what's the best advice that someone has given you about motherhood?
Speaker 2:I'm I know somebody's helped me this, but just something that I just kind of live by, again, just understanding that we cannot do it all. And one thing that my boss said to me before, like while I was pregnant, I was getting ready for maternity leave, she's like, um, the nights are the nights and days are long, but it's going to be worth it in the end. And like she's always saying that the kids, they grow apart, they grow apart from you, but they come back. You know, like in those teenage years, or like you know we're women and you know we have struggles with, with our moms as girls, you know young, young adults when we're entering into young adulthood. But she's always saying, like, just bear that in mind. Like they go away but they come back. I like that, you know, yeah, and I think just kind of understanding again, like the whole thing for me is just understanding that you cannot do everything. Like I know we want to, but we can't. We can't do it all. So you just, like you said, pick and choose and juggle your priorities.
Speaker 1:All right, so that brings us to the end of our episode. This was episode one, which was awesome. Thank you so much for joining us and giving us some insight into your experience. If our listeners wanted to contact you, how can they get in touch with you, like if they have any questions, or if you know someone something that you said really resonated with someone and they want to reach out, how can they contact you?
Speaker 2:I'll just give my Instagram handle. It's loveTanyaNichole, it's L-U-B-Tanya-T-O-N-Y-A-N-I-C-O-L-E, and that's on Instagram.
Speaker 1:All right. So that concludes our episode. Thank you, guys for tuning in. Thank you for joining us. Thanks for having me All right. Hey everyone, it's your favorite BCBAD here, dr Doloran, and I'm here to ask you to help us continue making great content for listeners everywhere by visiting wwwforshittymomscom, where you can make a monthly contribution. Also, visit us on Instagram, youtube, facebook and TikTok at ForshittyMoms and that's shitty, with a next, not a night.