Ever juggled parenting, work, and school all at once? Our extraordinary guest today, Stacey from West Palm Beach, Florida, is the embodiment of determination, seamlessly managing her roles as a mother, student, and working professional. A mom to two active kids and a future registered nurse, Stacey shares her unique parenting tactics, the importance of setting boundaries, and the secret behind balancing her busy daily life.
Navigating the complex world of parenting can be an exhilarating roller-coaster ride, and Stacey's experiences are a testament to this. She treats us to a captivating conversation – from her creative strategies to discipline her children to ensuring they excel at their passions. Stacey's son, an athlete with a flair for track, rugby, soccer, tennis, and lacrosse, has even made it to Nationals for shot put. Meanwhile, her daughter is a budding young gymnast who enjoys cheerleading and dancing. Somehow, Stacey manages to maintain a marriage, pursue entrepreneurial goals while attending school and working full-time. A self proclaimed “Team Mom”, Stacey describes the perks of sticking to a routine and setting expectations. Join us as we delve into the poignant moments of guilt Stacey faces when she can't fulfill her kids' desires, and how recognizing her children's reinforcers has been pivotal in her parenting journey.
Stacey's story is not just about successful parenting. It's about the strength of a family that understands the value of teamwork when support systems are limited. Listen in and learn how this super mom uses resilience to navigate the challenges of her marriage, manage her own expectations, and maintain the delicate balance between spoiling and disciplining her kids. Join us on this inspiring journey that sheds light on the life of a real-life super mom who manages to keep all her plates spinning – and makes it look easy.
⏰ Chapter Markers ⏰
0:00 - Super Mom Balancing Multiple Kids' Activities
10:57 - Juggling Work, School, and Family Life
27:35 - Balancing Spoiling and Discipline With Kids
33:24 - Navigating Mom Guilt and Teen Challenges
49:19 - Modern Parenting Strategies and Challenges
57:49 - The Role of Support in Parenting
1:02:43 - Struggles, Rewards, and Changing Habits
1:13:10 - Balancing Motherhood and Motivation
1:24:34 - Promoting Social Media and Booking Services
"A Podcast for the less than perfect mom!"
➣ For Guest Appearances, Sponsorship & Bookings: shxtmom@gmail.com
➣ Visit our official website: https://www.ForShxttyMoms.com
Ever juggled parenting, work, and school all at once? Our extraordinary guest today, Stacey from West Palm Beach, Florida, is the embodiment of determination, seamlessly managing her roles as a mother, student, and working professional. A mom to two active kids and a future registered nurse, Stacey shares her unique parenting tactics, the importance of setting boundaries, and the secret behind balancing her busy daily life.
Navigating the complex world of parenting can be an exhilarating roller-coaster ride, and Stacey's experiences are a testament to this. She treats us to a captivating conversation – from her creative strategies to discipline her children to ensuring they excel at their passions. Stacey's son, an athlete with a flair for track, rugby, soccer, tennis, and lacrosse, has even made it to Nationals for shot put. Meanwhile, her daughter is a budding young gymnast who enjoys cheerleading and dancing. Somehow, Stacey manages to maintain a marriage, pursue entrepreneurial goals while attending school and working full-time. A self proclaimed “Team Mom”, Stacey describes the perks of sticking to a routine and setting expectations. Join us as we delve into the poignant moments of guilt Stacey faces when she can't fulfill her kids' desires, and how recognizing her children's reinforcers has been pivotal in her parenting journey.
Stacey's story is not just about successful parenting. It's about the strength of a family that understands the value of teamwork when support systems are limited. Listen in and learn how this super mom uses resilience to navigate the challenges of her marriage, manage her own expectations, and maintain the delicate balance between spoiling and disciplining her kids. Join us on this inspiring journey that sheds light on the life of a real-life super mom who manages to keep all her plates spinning – and makes it look easy.
⏰ Chapter Markers ⏰
0:00 - Super Mom Balancing Multiple Kids' Activities
10:57 - Juggling Work, School, and Family Life
27:35 - Balancing Spoiling and Discipline With Kids
33:24 - Navigating Mom Guilt and Teen Challenges
49:19 - Modern Parenting Strategies and Challenges
57:49 - The Role of Support in Parenting
1:02:43 - Struggles, Rewards, and Changing Habits
1:13:10 - Balancing Motherhood and Motivation
1:24:34 - Promoting Social Media and Booking Services
"A Podcast for the less than perfect mom!"
➣ For Guest Appearances, Sponsorship & Bookings: shxtmom@gmail.com
➣ Visit our official website: https://www.ForShxttyMoms.com
This episode of FSM is brought to you by Fidelity Behavioral Alliance, your number one source for behavior change. Fidelity Behavioral Alliance creates behavior change programs for schools, parents and organizations looking to reduce problem behaviors and improve performance outcomes. Find out more at wwwfidelitybehavioralalliancecom. If you would like to sponsor an episode of FSM, email us at shitmomatgmailcom. That's S-H-X-T-M-O-M at gmailcom.
Speaker 2:It's time to put the kids to bed, so y'all get ready for another episode of.
Speaker 1:For Shitty Moms. Hi everyone, welcome back to another episode of FSM. I'm your host, deloren, and today we have a special guest, once again coming from our hometown here in sunny South Florida. I'm just going to introduce Stacey to the show. Thank you so much for joining us. As we move throughout the show, I'm going to gradually let Stacey introduce herself and then I'll give a little background information as to how this interview came about and my thought process. Then we'll go from there. All right, stacey, you want to go ahead and introduce yourself to everyone.
Speaker 3:Hi everyone, my name is Stacey. I am from West Palm Beach, Florida. I'm a mom of two?
Speaker 1:Okay, and what are their ages? Thirteen and eight? Okay, and marital status.
Speaker 3:If you don't mind sharing, I am happily married almost a year, but we've been together for 12 years.
Speaker 1:Oh, awesome, okay, All right, and then tell us your current occupation.
Speaker 3:Right now I am finishing up medical school to be a registered nurse. I do work as a physician assistant in internal medicine. I've been in the medical field since I graduated high school and I'm almost finished. I keep stopping and starting back because my life is kind of hectic around these kids and my son is almost done with youth football. So I said why not just go ahead and finish? I have a lot of free time once he's finished.
Speaker 1:Okay. And that brings me to. I usually have like a hit list of moms that I would love to have on the show. So when we were going over the hit list, my husband was like, okay, looking at the different names, and then we saw we came across your name and he's like, okay, well, who is she? Like, tell me about her, why would she be good for the show? X, y, z. And I'm like, well, the only thing I can really say is that I follow you. I follow you on social media. We went to like middle school and high school together and just kind of stayed in touch through social media and I'm like the only way I can describe her is a super mom Like she is. I put her in the category of super mom. Like anytime you see her she's doing something with her kids, they are in like all of these extracurricular activities. I feel like I know what season it is based on what you post on your social media and I'm like dang, another sport, oh, another activity.
Speaker 1:But more than just like the sports and the activities, I see you're always posting your kids and their achievements, like their academic achievements and awards and things like that too. So when I was telling him about the show, I'm like, yeah, that's the only thing, like that's the first thing that comes to mind when I think about Stacy. I think about okay, she's that super mom, she's at. It seems like you're at every practice, every game. The son is doing this, your daughter is doing that, the son is doing this, this daughter is doing that. Oh, it's this season, oh it's that season. And I'm just like how?
Speaker 3:Oh yes, oh my gosh, I don't even know how I do it, I just do it. I'm so used to it now because, like my son, he's been in sports since he was five. Okay, so it's been nonstop since Danny, and he's a type of kid like he wants to play every sport. I see football, he plays basketball, he does rugby, he does soccer and this one I'm like you want to try lacrosse and tennis.
Speaker 1:And then does he do track. What does he do with that?
Speaker 3:Oh yeah, he does, he does track. He's number one in shot put. So we started out with Dairy Track Club. It was like 12 of us at the time, okay, but now it's like 250. Oh, wow, okay, it's, it's. It's grown a lot and he's been holding it down for shot put. Shot out of Coach Charlie. We made it to Nationals in Orlando for the ESPN World Wild Sports. Okay.
Speaker 3:And he missed the the mark by an inch. Wow, yeah, he's going to break the record. Oh my gosh, he's like the number one. So every time track season comes along, everybody tries to beat him.
Speaker 1:Okay, okay. So how did we even get here? So take us to, like the beginning. Was it one of those things you just knew you wanted to be like that sports mom? Or was it like, okay, I got to get this kid and something I got to keep them busy, get them pre occupied, like how did that start?
Speaker 3:I've been in my family is just athletic, so playing sports was definitely something that I did look forward to. I'm going to have a son. You know like, all my brothers play sports, my cousins play sports, and I ain't even gonna laugh. So when I first put him into Flag football, he was a dirt baby, like he did angels in the dirt, and I was like, oh man, he got it. We put him in T ball, okay, and then T ball brought out a different type of athlete, okay. So where I'm like, okay, he just had to get warmed up and then from there he's just been in all the sports and each year he tries different sports. I don't want to just limit him to one. So he did baseball, basketball, football, track, rugby, and now he's going to do soccer.
Speaker 1:Oh, wow, okay. And then you okay, wow, okay. So what about your daughter?
Speaker 3:My daughter. She's eight, her first year in track she was four Okay, and four is damn really running, okay. So the next year it was when COVID first hit and she was ready, she was excited. And then COVID hit, and then that was the end of track for our season. So she kind of winged herself out of track to cheerleading Okay, she likes to dance, she likes to flip around my couches. So I put her in gymnastics Okay, so she does gymnastics, she likes to dance. I don't know if you ever see my TikTok, she's all over it. And she does cheerleading Wow.
Speaker 1:Okay. So I don't even know where to go, because that is a lot. So how are you managing? How do you manage? What does that look like? It is.
Speaker 3:So I try to keep my work down in the area. So when I pick them up from my grandma's house, I drop one at this practice and I go to my son's practice, and then I'll leave my son practice, go to my daughter's practice to pick her up and then go back to my son's practice and then I go home.
Speaker 1:Okay, so you like the Uber mom as well? Very much the Uber and how does it work? How do you fit that into work? Like, do you have a mom friendly work environment that allows you to just do what you need to do and go to all these activities? Like, if they have, I don't know, a competition somewhere, you have to go travel and go out of town. How does that work with your job?
Speaker 3:Actually, I'm blessed to have a very understanding job, because one of the doctors that I work with, he also have kids, that's in sports, okay. And I was like one of the big things that when I got to the office I told him like listen, I'm very involved in my kids in school and sports, so I never miss moms and donors event, I never miss an award, I never miss a game, even if I have to come to work early and leave at whatever time. Just so I know I make it to the event because I do know, like when my son he looks for me when he's playing. Okay, I remember one time I was late, maybe like 10 minutes late, and the coach came to me and he said you know, before you got here he was having a really bad game, but the moment he saw you he turned into a totally different person. And I know it's very important because when I was in school and playing sports I always look for my grandma to be there. Okay, and she was always there.
Speaker 1:Okay, wow, so okay. So what if there's like has there ever been a conflict like this one has a game the same day that the other one has a game, or are you just able to navigate your way through it, or it hasn't happened yet?
Speaker 3:It has happened because they both play with Dory Rocks and there was a time where my son had the Super Bowl game but my daughter also had the cheer competition. Okay, so I had to do half and half. Oh, my goodness. And I just try to make it work because I know they look for me, they look for their dad. So it would be like, oh, the dad goes here, start with the cheer competition and then come to the football and then we'll switch. Okay, just so they see both of us.
Speaker 1:Okay, so it's like a tag team kind of situation, which is awesome, so both of you can be there with both of them and neither one of them feels left out. So how are you doing all of that? And school, because that's like a whole nother beast in itself online.
Speaker 3:I know online. I started out online until he's done with football. We have the playoffs and then the Super Bowl and then he'll be done with youth and then I'll be more hands on in school versus online. But I did start off online, taking a couple classes for now.
Speaker 1:Okay, and then with all of this that you juggle, just with kids alone, then you're a working mom and in school and married. Do you have any hobbies or other interests or like side hustles? Are you able to kind of pull that in as well, or what does that look like, believe it or not?
Speaker 3:It's so crazy. So I've been doing travel agent for three years, almost four. Okay, I also do nails, if you need your nails.
Speaker 1:What I didn't know, that.
Speaker 3:Time to see me. Yes, girl, and I do credit repair, but I don't advertise this much because I do not have the time right now to do it, but definitely travel in my next year. I do travel in my nails. I offer like because I know like in my situation I can go to a nail shop at four or five o'clock because I'm at practice. So I said you know what, let me offer after hours.
Speaker 1:Oh, that's nice. I don't want to offer that to me, right? So, yeah, okay. So are you that person that just strictly operates from like a calendar and you have to have every single little thing in a calendar, like how do you get through the day, how do you get through the week?
Speaker 3:We have a standard schedule. I wake up at five am, get the kids ready, drive them to where they need to be. I'm at work by 745. I get off at five o'clock. I go pick up my daughter first. My son is at practice or at tutoring after school. He's done at five 50. On our way to practice he's changing in the car, going off the next one off. There is no calendar, there's nothing. I just know. Monday through Thursday, this is our life.
Speaker 1:Okay, it's become like a ritual, a habit, pretty much, yeah, okay, and then with the marriage side of things, are you able to still carve out time for like marriage and personal relationship? Do you have a personal time or does that take the back burner?
Speaker 3:I wouldn't say it takes the back burner, but I was just blessed to be with somebody who were on the same page when it comes to the kids and there's activities and stuff. So he definitely understands. But we definitely make time for each other. Like I will cook dinner for the kids and then we'll go out to eat, We'll have a little wine down and just talk and enjoy each other. We have a lot of fun just me and him. The marriage side, I mean it's fun. I don't think it takes the back burner. We definitely make time for each other.
Speaker 1:I feel like it's rare, I don't know. I feel like I've been talking, like doing a couple of interviews now, and even when I'm just talking to my friends, I usually hear like one of those things is going to fall to the wayside. I either hear like a lot of my friends right now the I think the biggest thing has been a lot of my friends saying they don't get enough me time Right, so it's oh no, there's no me time, oh, my me time is.
Speaker 3:My me time is when I'm in the shower, and even then, for whatever reason, my husband feels like he could just talk to me while I'm in the shower.
Speaker 1:Okay. So do you feel like you need that, like you're missing that, or or are you okay?
Speaker 3:Definitely, is definitely needed, is definitely needed. So, if anything, what I'll do is like, for instance, I got I take my grandma to the doctor. I'll take that day off. So after I'm done with her it'll just be me Okay, but it's sitting at the plan of me time, yeah, no.
Speaker 1:Okay, okay. So usually that's what I hear, and then I love to ask all of my guests to describe themselves as a mom. Now, I know you as a person, but how do you see yourself as a mom? What kind of mom are you? Um? Oh.
Speaker 3:I think I am a fun but stirring mom. I think my kids they know when to play with me and when not to play. They don't. They probably do need it. They don't get weapons, but I give them a look Okay, and they know it's not right. She's not playing with us, no more Now.
Speaker 3:I don't want to be like a very straight like, don't, don't, don't, you need to do this, you need to do that type of mom. I want my kids to feel like you know they can come talk to me about anything without feeling scared, or as if I'm a judge. I'm like I have those talks with my son now because, you know, being a teenage in 2023, it's kind of hard, Right. It's definitely a lie.
Speaker 3:I'm just glad that he he's actually a really good kid Not just saying that because he's mine, but he's a really, he really is a really good kid.
Speaker 1:So how is that now? What grade is he in right now? Is he in middle school, high school, middle school, okay. And how is that transition? Do you think the sports has helped him with that transition? Because normally I know I started out as a middle school teacher and I will tell any parent like around that seventh grade age group, like that's probably the most difficult group to deal with and I think the kids usually struggle themselves with their identity around that time. You see that, friend, even if a kid knows right from wrong, whatever their peers thinks about them or about a situation is way more important than anything else. They know their family loves them. They know that family has a certain set of expectations. But when it comes to those peers and that peer pressure around seventh grade is when you tend to see all kids struggle.
Speaker 1:So how is he able to navigate that and how do you kind of guide him through that?
Speaker 3:I say him down and I talk to him and I just let him know like I get it. I get it being a teenager, I get it. You want to be cool around your friends, but if you have to question yourself whether or not this is a good idea, then that means don't do it. Okay, so far, so good, knocking on some movies, having had any issues with the friends and people that he hang around, so I'm actually happy.
Speaker 1:Someone mentioned that you know they have multiples. It was a mama's like, maybe a mama's like three, and she said she's a different parent with each one of her kids. Do you feel like you're a different mom with your? Son. Oh, okay, so just tell us about my son.
Speaker 3:My son and his friends. I think I'm the cool mom.
Speaker 3:I am the cool mom and they like to hang around me, they like to tell me all kinds of crazy stuff that they wouldn't tell their parents. Because I open up to the kids, like you know, you can talk to me, I can be your space, space. So my daughter, I'm more gentle because she is a girl and it's different having a daughter in a son, when my son I have to add, like you know, I'm tough but I'm really soft when it comes to him.
Speaker 1:Okay, okay, my daughter, she's a princess, so whatever she says goes, oh, okay and I will say I can definitely see you as the cool mom. I don't know if you even remember, but I think around middle school is when I met you, around seventh grade. So my background I went to like a monot, a Montessori elementary school and we went all the way up to sixth grade. So I don't know if you know, but when you're in Montessori school, as you start to move through your elementary grades, you keep the same teacher and you stay in the same classroom for three years. So after kindergarten, like first, second and third grade, you're with the same teacher, or first and second grade you're with the same teacher, and then third, fourth and fifth, no. So first, second and third grade you're with one teacher for those three years and then you move to upper elementary and fourth, fifth and sixth grade you're with the same teacher.
Speaker 1:So I went to Spadey, a very small, close knit community, and then once it was time for seventh grade, you know most people in seventh grade just go straight to. Most people in sixth grade just move straight to middle school. But at Spadey they kept you that extra year and then you entered middle school in the seventh grade. So we were pretty sheltered, like just around the same group of kids three years at a time. So my first year in middle school we were at Carver and I just felt lost, like all of the friends that I did have. Either they went to a different middle school or we were separated and put in different classes. And I remember, you know, at Spadey, when you went to aftercare like my grandma's house was right down the street, pompey was right across the street, those were my options.
Speaker 1:Then they put Carver all the way out west and, like my first week of school, I'm like, oh my gosh, I don't know like what to do. They told me to take the bus home, so I go, I leave the school and somehow I don't know if you and I had classes together, I don't know if we just got lumped in together, but somehow I ended up with you and like a group of friends that you had already known, because for those listeners who don't know Stacy, she has a larger than life personality. It's hard to be shy or quiet around Stacy. She is going to just pull it out of you. And I think if it weren't for you, like that first week of school and you probably don't even remember, but like that first week of school.
Speaker 1:If I knew what a panic attack was or an anxiety attack, I think I probably had one or two or five just that first day trying to figure out where to go and how to get home. I never caught a bus before so I didn't know when they told me to catch the bus, like just go to the bus loop. So I'm following you and your friends and you show me how to catch the city bus and I'm like what?
Speaker 1:I remember and like to like you and your group of friends like you. You guys had this whole routine like, okay, we're out of school, we got to run to the store real quick, buy something, because they only let a few of us in the store at a time, and you were like you, got your money.
Speaker 1:Don't worry, I'll get you something. I'm like money for what? How was I going to catch the bus with no money? I have no clue. But like we went to that little gas station, everybody bought whatever snacks they wanted to buy. Then we ran to the bus stop. You paid for me to get on the bus and, like we took that palm trim Seems like the longest ride ever until we made it to like the neighborhood and I'm just like, oh my gosh, I can't believe that was my first time riding the city bus.
Speaker 1:And I'm just like, oh my gosh, I can't believe. Like I just rode a bus. I had no clue and like, thankfully I had a cell phone because I didn't want you know, you don't want to stand out in middle school, you want to fit in with everyone and at the time my parents were separated. So, thankfully, the neighborhood that we got dropped off in my dad lived in that neighborhood because I had no way to get home. Like I lived on the south side of Delray and then we got dropped off out in West Delray in our neighborhood. So how was I going?
Speaker 1:to get home. I had no idea, I had no plan and I was like you know what? I don't want to be that person that stick out like I still want to be the cool kid, and I don't know if you keep in touch with her or not. But I ended up walking home with a girl named Dorothy, and it just so happens.
Speaker 1:Dorothy was my next door neighbor when my parents were together. Dorothy and I were neighbors so I just kind of followed her and I knew I would find my dad's house and I just kind of showed up on his doorstep Like I don't know what happened, but I need to get home. Because at the time I lived with my mom and they're like well, why didn't you go to the office, why didn't you call somebody? And I'm like well, Stacy told me to get on the bus. So I always remember like she does not know a stranger, she does not know a shy person. So I can totally see you being the fun, cool mom, because when you are around like you talk to everyone, it doesn't matter who they are. If they need help, if they don't need help, you're going to help them anyway. So I can totally see you.
Speaker 1:No problem. No, thank you, because I don't know how I was going to get home. But I can totally see how other kids around that age, that difficult age I can see how and why they would want to come fighting you and talk to you about things that they probably couldn't talk to with another adult. So has there ever been a time where maybe one of the kids your son's friends have like confided some things to you and then you kind of have to walk him through it, like maybe the home situations are different, the lifestyles are different and some things come up. You understand it, but maybe your son doesn't. Has that situation ever happened and, if so, like how do you handle those situations?
Speaker 3:Yeah, it has, and I try to keep my son out, not like tell him everything was going on, but I do talk to him about certain situations and just let him know. Like you know, everybody doesn't have this. Everybody doesn't have a two parent household, so you never know what that child is going through or why they're acting out or why they're always in trouble. Just be thankful for what you have, because these kids they want it and they need it, but they don't have it. So I just try to get him to understand like, be grateful. Don't be, you know, an ungrateful child. Be happy, you don't have anything to be angry about in this world. You got everything that you want, asked for, you need, whatever it is. And he is, surprisingly, he is a male version of me. He's very bubbly, he's very social, he made friends wherever he goes Not my daughter, that's another story. He is not friendly at all. We call her Kylie Monster, oh, and he is not friendly at all.
Speaker 1:Well, how do you strike the balance and make sure your kids are humble? Because I feel like with our generation, we were probably that last group that had, like the single moms, the struggling households like you kind of you're on your own, you know, you got to fend for yourself by the time you get to middle school and figure things out. And what I'm saying now is a shift. I feel like with all of our peers right now you we have somehow created a lot more stability for them, even though we don't have the community support like we used to.
Speaker 1:Individually, I feel like I see a lot of wholesome families. You know, either blended household or two parent households that we did not grow up with. So the kids nowadays I feel like they're not as resilient and they're not as resourceful as we were growing up, but I also feel like they don't have to be like. They have more support, they have more opportunities to be kids for a longer time. So, right, we definitely had to grow up fast, right. So I'm just wondering, like, how do you draw the line to where you give your kids everything that they want, everything that they need? You kind of spoil them a bit, but make? How do you draw that line to make sure they're not becoming entitled. You know they have to work for it, okay work for it you have.
Speaker 3:they have chores around the house, like for my son. I know he likes to play sports. My biggest thing is, if you don't bring home those grades, you won't be playing any sports. So he definitely makes sure that he he gets to honor roll. He has jobs around the house that he has to do, nothing's just given. I may have a time where we go to the store and they ask and I'm like, yeah, okay, I'll get it. But then it's other things where he'll ask for some, or my daughter asked for something, and I'm like, what did you clean your room? How many times did I have to actually clean your room? And I'll just say, no, okay.
Speaker 1:Well, look, if that don't do it, I know I don't know what else will that'll definitely we gotta take what they like.
Speaker 3:My son, he's a gamer. I take that position so fast. Now I have I have their. Their phone is connected to mine, so if they're not listening, they're not doing it supposed to do I'll go right on my phone now completely lock their phone. You can't do anything with it. Oh, all you can do is talk to me. Oh, okay, okay, he knows they know once this lock they done did something, water and acts too many times.
Speaker 1:Okay, and then do they kind of just on their own go do whatever you asked them to do. How does that look?
Speaker 3:Absolutely. You hear the dishes running, the dishwasher running, the clothes being washed, the floors getting swept.
Speaker 1:Okay, and do you have an app for that? Look, I need that for myself. Is that an? At what no?
Speaker 3:if you have Um, it's called family sharing Okay, you just have to connect the phone to yours, okay, and I control what they watch, with what Websites they can get on, what videos they listen watching, what music they listen into Everything.
Speaker 1:Okay, so you like big brother, you have eyes everywhere, basically everywhere. Well, that's good, okay. And then my next question. So we we now have an idea of what kind of mom you are, what kind of relationship you foster With your kids. I want you to think about your most recent shitty mom experience.
Speaker 3:Man. I felt so bad, so on Sundays I called it my cleanup day, where I clean up the house and I wash.
Speaker 3:Me and my husband's clothes and I just relax and I cook and watch lifetime, so that my daughter, she likes to go outside and play with the bugs and Go look for lizards and all kind of crazy stuff, and I just wasn't in the mood. Then my son comes oh, mommy, we're gonna play um tennis outside. I'm like no, no, watch TV. And they were really mad at me. They were so mad at me and I was like, okay, whatever, it's my day, I'm gonna sit on this couch and I'm gonna watch lifetime. Even my husband, girl, he was so mad so I did. When I felt bad enough, I was like, all right, I'm gonna get up. Come on, let's go. My husband comes storming in the house. No, we're done playing.
Speaker 1:So is that something you would normally do, but just not on the Sunday? I?
Speaker 3:Would just not that that day. I think I was just Exhausted and I just wanted to relax and I didn't feel like going outside and running in the yard, but then I felt so bad because they were really angry at me.
Speaker 1:Oh, okay, yeah, and it's things like that I try to get people To understand and I feel like all moms can really resonate with those times where you are just tired and you do feel guilty like uh, but it sounds like you do a lot already and you should be able to take that time To relax and chill and just kind of decompress. But it's almost like the guilt it never stops. If you can't meet that one Expectation, even if it's seemingly minor or small, then you know that's when that mindset kind of sets in, like I feel so bad, I'm just a shitty mom. So I always try to remind my listeners like that's where the name comes from. Sometimes I do worry a little bit, like we're fairly new and when I'm pitching the show to different people I don't want them to be deterred from the show because of the name but at the same time I need them to understand like these are real moments that we're capturing.
Speaker 1:Like all moms, no matter what their background is, they've had a shitty moment, right, they've had a moment of mom guilt. They've had a moment of like damn, I, I should have handled that differently. And this is a safe space where we can kind of talk about those things Judgment-free and just go over different strategies that work for us, and hopefully some of our listeners can kind of tune in and Find out like hey, I had a similar experience. I wonder what they did to get through it. So when you have those moments where you really can't meet their expectations, how do you Navigate your way through that? I?
Speaker 3:Probably go to the store and buy on some ice cream. Okay, cuz I feel bad.
Speaker 3:Really bad and I'll just tell I'm sorry. I have learned. You know, when I'm wrong nice, and I was wrong for not wanting to get up but if something happens and I Am wrong, I do tell my kids sorry. Okay, and I just say the mama is never wrong. Yeah, so I do said I'm sorry, but that's what I do. I go to my daughter loves Walmart Okay, take her right to Walmart, take her on that little owl. My son wants some roadblocks. Look, cash out over here and they'll be okay. Then I'll be the best mama again. Okay, but that particular Sunday they were upset with me. Okay, because I did not get up and go outside and I did. I felt really bad.
Speaker 1:I'm like dang, I'm horrible and and that's important too so what you're describing, because this is a behavior change podcast as well. So we try to, as moms, identify like our shitty habits and then identify Replacement behaviors. Right, but without with all of that, we are always looking at at what we call motivation and what you're describing is like in behavior Terminology you know your kids reinforcers, you know the things that really motivate them. You can identify the things that they like.
Speaker 1:So, usually when that happens, you know you're supposed to Just use reinforcers to get more behaviors out of them that you want to see. And then, if they're like you said, you have the phone and you start locking stuff. Usually you're putting a behavior on extinction. If you ask them to do something they didn't do it Say they're watching TV instead of Washing the dishes, like you asked, by you locking the phone, limiting and taking away their access to that reinforcer. Now you're kind of Putting that behavior of watching TV on Extinction so they can engage in a behavior that you want them to engage in.
Speaker 1:But I love the fact that you're saying you know You've identified their reinforcers and you use that to your advantage when you've had an interaction With them where you have been the one to make the mistake. So I think it's important as well and Personally I know that's one of the things I struggle with. I know a lot of times when I'm with my son I Feel like I overreact and I panic too quickly with certain things and that's like my shitty behavior and I I'm learning to be like oh, I'm sorry, I was wrong. Um, so do you apologize and give the reward, like the thing that they like, or do you just like? Okay, I'm gonna take you to get some ice cream and that's your way of apologizing.
Speaker 3:It depends on the situation. If it is something simple and I know like, for instance, if I Told my daughter to do something and she did do it, but I didn't see her go do it and I'm yelling at her and then I did see that she did do it, I'll just tell her sorry. Every sorry doesn't come with a reward.
Speaker 1:Okay, look, I can barely get the sorry out. Okay, got it, but it didn't happen overnight.
Speaker 3:It didn't happen overnight. I used to be that overreacting Mom, especially when it came to my son, because for a while he was the only child, so I was definitely overreacting when it came to him. But as they get older you tend to Give them a little bit more Breathing room, okay. So I say so it'll get better.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I'm definitely. The more I acknowledge the things that I can do, better um I I know personally I've definitely been telling myself and making Small goals for myself, so that I'm kind of checking myself and monitoring to make sure I'm not just a repeat offender, like once.
Speaker 1:I identify. Okay, that was not the best way to handle it. I I hold myself accountable to make sure if something similar to that happens again, I won't handle it the same way, because I'm shaping my own behavior to make sure. You know, he's getting older and I don't want him to associate me as this authoritarian Uh, or authoritative parent. That's just discipline, discipline, discipline.
Speaker 1:Because he is getting ready to go into that middle school age and he's gonna need somebody to talk to If something comes up and I don't want him to be afraid or so afraid, because I've overreacted so many times before To where now he's discouraged and doesn't really feel like he can talk to me without getting into trouble. So that's my motivation for Kind of monitoring myself and tackling my behavior now Before he gets to that middle school age. And then you know, that window of opportunity To communicate and have that open relationship passes. So that's probably my biggest challenge Right now is just monitoring my reactions, because I do go in panic mode and that's usually where it comes from. You know, I'm always thinking about oh my gosh, what if you get older um, you know you may not have so much grace or If he's not around me and something happens another adult may not have as much grace with him, or another child May not have as much understanding and grace with him as I would.
Speaker 1:So it's almost out of Like the need to protect him by bringing to his awareness and bringing to his attention hey, this is important. You can't do this, you can't do that, and this is why it's not really me being a disciplinarian and fussing at you. It's because it's not safe or somebody may not understand where you're coming from or you have to be careful. So it's usually coming from that. Now that's my biggest challenge. But what are some of your biggest challenges as a mom right now?
Speaker 3:um dealing with a teenager and just trying to, just trying to keep him on the right path and not be easily influenced by um other stuff and keep him away from the little girls.
Speaker 1:Oh, and how is that navigating that?
Speaker 3:So he has, you know, these little girls chasing after him, and so what I did was you know what? That's probably what's a bad mom moment also. So what I did was I showed him pictures of all the Okay, you know, I don't know if it scared him straight, but he wasn't feeling it at all. So I'm like, oh my gosh, but I'm not ready for that part.
Speaker 1:I'm not right. Well, look, that's one way to put a behavior on extinction. Um, and usually.
Speaker 3:Go ahead. I'm just, I'm just, you know, just trying to stay, of course. I mean, I'm new to this teenager stuff.
Speaker 1:And I'm sure it. I feel like boys have a little more pressure. They do. You know what?
Speaker 3:I always tell my husband I said I feel bad for the boys because it's hard. It's harder for a boy now More than ever, like, not only do they have to deal with the peer pressure and, you know, trying to be cool and hang out with their friends, and they got to make sure their skin is smooth and they don't have the pimples for the girls, to make sure they're really well groomed Outside of everything that's going on in the world. So I do. I feel like I do cater more To him in that aspect, um, just to try to keep him on the right track, okay, and keep him out of Situations that doesn't pertain to him.
Speaker 3:I do remember he did get in trouble one. One day at school the teacher called me. She said he didn't do anything wrong but because one of his friends was fighting and he, kind of like, pulled the friend off and I mean my son, he's a big kid and the little boy hit his head. So not only was the friend fighting, you breaking up the fight, and the boy hit his head. Now he got to go to the hospital because now he got a concussion. Uh-oh, yeah, so, yeah. So I just try to tell him like I understand that's your friend, but that had nothing to do with you. Mm-hmm, I get it, you didn't want your friend to get in trouble for fighting, but now look your friend getting in trouble. He probably you know. I ain't gonna say he got beat up, but he got a concussion because you was being a Superman over here, right, and the way he did it and I think you know that middle school age that it's hard to navigate that as well.
Speaker 1:I can see my son Kind of going through that early and he's still in elementary and that's one of the things I tell him like constantly if your friends are doing something like, be quiet, you don't have to come to their rescue but I'm sure being that your son is older Is almost like he's gonna be held accountable. You know the the I could totally see at that age a friend coming back. Hey man, you didn't try to help me, or? Hey, why didn't you you?
Speaker 1:didn't have my back right. So they do have to make a choice and those friendships at that age are so important to them. So I can see how it would be difficult for him to Not understand how staying out of it Could have been the best solution for him, as opposed to Him feeling like it was more important to help his friend. I feel like the boys and I could be biased because I'm a boy mom right now, but I do feel like the boys have a lot of pressure from each other. But then what I'm also seeing with some of my friends who have sons, who are getting older, who are getting into dating and things like that, it's not just getting a girlfriend, but it's almost like competing to Keep a girlfriend.
Speaker 1:I see a lot of young girls now, you know they are influenced by different things that they have access to on the internet and social media platforms, showing them that a man or a boy, a boyfriend or whomever is supposed to Provide them with certain things.
Speaker 1:Right, and even the girls are being encouraged like, hey, if he can't pay for this, if he can't pay for that, then get you somebody who can. That's pretty much the the message that's constantly being sent to our young girls now and I feel like, as a result, you see A lot of boys when they get into that age of dating Now they're looking to pay for certain things for a girl right to give, to buy them certain gifts, to buy certain things, to take them here, take them there. Um, I know A few I'm not going to put anybody out there, but a few of the, the teenage boys that I do know of. They. They spend a lot of money on these girlfriends and I'm like I wasn't spending money like that until, like I was a young adult, you know, in my mid to late twenties, not in high school spending hundreds of dollars on clothes or outfits or gifts and things like that to go on a date and you have to get dropped off by your parents because you're not old enough to drive.
Speaker 1:But, now this is more common and I feel like the boys are under a lot of pressure right now to be some type of provider for the young ladies that they want to date, and these are like high school students. But I feel like it kind of trickles on down because then you have the middle schoolers looking up to the high schoolers and they're kind of mimicking that same behavior now. So how do you guide him through that? Or do you kind of let your husband take the reins on that one?
Speaker 3:Yeah, that's his department, because certain things that he tells him I just don't want to hear it. Okay, but if it's a certain conversation that they have and I will put my two sense scenes but I let him handle that whole aspect. But he'll tell him he'll be like you know, when I was your age and while I was in school, I did business and that you know, don't put all your eggs in one basket. You know these dads. And then he'll make a point like look what it got me, I got your mom so, and he my son. He sees that he's a true mama's boy. So I always tell him, if they ain't like your mama, don't break them to me.
Speaker 1:Okay, and does he understand? Like, is he dating now and kind of selective?
Speaker 3:Absolutely not, oh okay, no, he has friends. He has. He always come home and tell me about these little girls. Oh, mommy, this girl was all up on me. She was trying to pull my hair. I said you tell her don't touch your hair, I'm the only woman that touches your hair. Okay, so these girls, these girls, they are really aggressive.
Speaker 1:Yeah, really aggressive, and I'm sure with him being an athlete, it is only going to get more challenging. So it's good that you guys are having those conversations now so that way he understands where both of you stand on that and hopefully he can navigate his way through that as he gets older. I think the older he gets, the more aggressive they will become. So it's good that you guys have that open dialogue now. What strategies do you use when parenting? When you come across a parenting challenge, what strategies do you use right now that you feel like are the most effective?
Speaker 3:To me. I think the best thing that I've done when it comes to parenting and pretty much getting my point across and making them understand is taking away what they like the most. Okay.
Speaker 3:Versus screaming at them, cause you can scream all day, it doesn't affect the kids. These kids are different. So what I do, I'll just walk quietly in his room or in my daughter's room. I'll take their PlayStation, take their phones or just simply lock the phones, and then they have to ask for permission from the phones to get to use the phone and I won't unlock it. Okay, it's locked from eight o'clock am All the way to five o'clock pm. Like my son, his phone is locked in school. There's no text and nobody. You can call me in an emergency, but you can't text. You can't browse the internet, you can't do any of that. My daughter, she doesn't take her phone to school. Okay.
Speaker 3:So I just take what they love. If he gets in trouble in school, we're not going to football. I'm not gonna reward you with the things that you like to do if you're acting up Right, vice versa with my daughter. If she acts up in school or home, I'm not taking you to cheer practice. I know you wanna go to cheer practice cause your friends are there and that's a big no.
Speaker 1:Okay, definitely controlling access to their reinforcers is your primary behavior management strategy. And I definitely agree with you the kids are different from the way that we grew up, so absolutely taking those phones, taking those devices away, you can just see them almost going through withdrawals. I feel like they go through withdrawals. Symptoms like what am I supposed to do? Where am? I supposed to go.
Speaker 3:I'm going to go now, and when I take my son's phone for his video game, I'm like read a book. Like he loves Harry Potter, so I buy him the whole Harry Potter collection. Now, don't get me wrong, he's smart, as smart he should be. I mean, he's an IB honor classes and he'll read through those books so fast. And I'm like, okay, now what? So I'm like, well, go read to your sister, yeah.
Speaker 1:I can definitely see yeah, I can definitely see how that'll be motivation for them to like stay on the right track and just make the right choices, because once those devices are gone, it's like that's their whole world for this group of kids. They really, you know, I feel like when we were that age, for us it was like, oh, you can't go outside, Like, oh, I got in trouble.
Speaker 1:I can't go outside, right, I'm gonna punish me Right, and that was like our whole world. But for them, you know, their whole world is at their fingertips. So limited access to those devices. The phones, you know they're iced out and now they're faced with. Now you have to be a regular kid.
Speaker 3:A regular kid, you gotta go play with your siblings, go outside. I'm like go outside, go hide and seek, Jump in the fence. I don't know.
Speaker 1:Anything, and that too I just realized recently. Looking at my son putting him on punishment and I use that with air quotes I feel like this isn't even a punishment, because I'm telling you you can go do something else. You know, you can go read a book, you can go do a puzzle, you can go outside.
Speaker 1:When I was on punishment as a kid- you're right, there was nothing fun, there were no alternative options for us to play with something else or do something else. No, you sat in that room and you probably fell asleep because you were bored and you had nothing else to do. And here we are. Okay, this is like your own punishment, but you can still go play. Just play with regular stuff, not electronic devices. So it's still not even a real punishment, but to them it's almost like I always say they get real creative when you start snatching the devices in the electronics.
Speaker 1:I start seeing little science kits that I bought a couple of years ago. Oh, now you wanna do a science experiment. I bought that like two years ago. You left it in the closet, collected dust. They start cleaning up, they start going through old toys and I think the last time we put our son on punishment, we went to the room and he had his whole laser tag. He has a laser tag game where he can put on the harness and him and, like other players, can shoot each other with the harnesses. He's got the harness hanging up in the room and he's shooting it, playing laser tag, and I'm like, yeah, when I was on punishment, I couldn't play with toys either.
Speaker 1:So, it's still not like a real punishment and he just thought it was the end of the world. So you know, things are just different and I do feel, like our generation, we're just adjusting as we go, because it's not like we can truly reference our upbringing to help us with theirs, because it's different. And then it's yeah.
Speaker 1:And then we also can't really rely on our parents either, because it's totally different from them and that's only looking at two generations and it's completely different. So it's interesting to hear all of the different strategies that different parents use, because I feel like right now we're forced to come up with something different. So that kind of leads me to my next question, when we talk about our upbringing, our parents' upbringing, and then what we're going through with our kids. Now I know you said you and your husband kind of tag team, but do you have a mommy village that provides you with additional support for your kids?
Speaker 3:No, the only other person like my kids are with is my grandma. My grandma is the village. That's why I put everything in Delrica. She still lives in Delrica in the same house. So if need be, if I need her to go grab them from school or anything, she's right there. For instance, my daughter's bus stop is down the street. She feels she needs to get in her car and drive her down the street. Oh wow.
Speaker 1:So yeah, and again, just disclaimer for those of you who don't know Stacy, growing up, stacy's grandma's house was everybody's grandma's house, so Everybody's house. If you lived in a neighborhood you knew Stacy's grandma and that was your house too. She was your grandma too. So that's awesome. I could totally see her being the village for your kids, because she was definitely the village for us. I know it was always up. Who house you? Going to Stacy house, like, even if you go home, drop your stuff off. Whenever we did live, like my parents, when they lived together in that neighborhood with your grandma's house, it was common like drop your stuff off at home, get a snack, change your clothes, go to Stacy's house, go to Stacy's grandma's house, and that was the spot for everybody. So I can see her being that.
Speaker 1:Support for you now is probably like second nature, probably something that's not even thought of, but your arrangement almost sounds similar to what my husband and I have.
Speaker 1:It's pretty much just us.
Speaker 1:We have people that we can lean on for, moreso moral support, friends and stuff like that that you talk to, but when it comes to the day to day, when it comes to needing support and things like that, it's pretty much just the two of us, and if we can't handle it, then it doesn't get done.
Speaker 1:So it's interesting to hear that because I feel like most of the moms that I interviewed. They have these fantastic villages where they can call people to pick their kids up from school. They can call people if they wanna do a date night, they can call people to tag team and take their kids to and from practice, and so it's interesting to finally come across a mom who's like no, we just handle it as it comes and we are the village. So that's interesting to hear. So, with everything that you juggle as a mom still in school, parenting, when you have those moments where you're just overcome with like mom guilt let's say it's not anything directly related to an incident between you and your kids but have you ever had a moment where you feel like you are just not meeting the expectations that you set for yourself as a mom, as a wife, as a person, and then how do you deal with that?
Speaker 3:I actually had that guilt today, actually surprisingly In me. I just, you know, I'm a talker and I just completely shut down. I shut down mostly, just mute, I don't say anything, and I'm just in my head just trying to figure out all right, what can I do, what do I have to do? And I talk to myself. Or you know, I'll take a drive in my car and I might, you know, shed a few tears and then I'm like all right, you know, your little G and I, crying is not an option. And I talk to myself. But I mean, I just take it one day at a time pretty much, and that's what I tell my friends when they going through stuff. You just have to take it one day at a time. I don't. I try not to stress about it, but it's hard, but at the end of the day I just figure it out. And my husband hates that. He hates that about me I'm talking about. I won't ask him for nothing. He's like well, what am? I here for why?
Speaker 3:don't you just tell me? And I'm like, I'm sorry, this is just how I grew up, like we, really we literally had to fend for ourselves and figure it out. It was nobody to lean on and call and I gotta do better.
Speaker 1:I know I gotta do better, but and then do you ever have those times where you do let him in like look, this is what's going on. This is what I'm struggling with. Have you had those opportunities to kind of let him in To? At least no okay, and how did that go?
Speaker 3:But it's after three days of not saying anything, oh wow. Okay, yeah so today and I'm like I told her, I'm like I'm just trying to Remain and mentally stable at this point. Mm-hmm.
Speaker 3:He's like but you got to talk to me and I know I can talk to him about. You know everything, because we do, even if we're just In the bed watching TV. I will turn the TV off and we'll have conversations. Okay but it's just, that's just me in my personality, to where I'm like. All right, forget it, I'll figure it out by myself. I don't need nobody help. I'm not asking nobody for anything. Okay, and then? You'll get mad cuz he's like You're crazy like what the heck.
Speaker 1:And sometimes sometimes it does take time. You say you guys have almost been married for a year. Is that what you said?
Speaker 3:Yes, in December.
Speaker 1:Okay, and sometimes that does Take time. I feel like I can definitely identify with you on that and my husband and I I'm not saying like we're veterans at marriage, but we've been together probably a total of 12 years now, maybe even going on 13, and we're coming up next year on our seventh year anniversary and I can say, being married, no matter how long you were together, being married is just different and you do have to learn how to navigate that space. But I think it takes time for you to learn how to navigate that space as a team and I can say we've had to learn how to navigate that space of communication. I think as a mom, we sometimes get it consumed with our thoughts and like Making plans right, we want things to go a certain way, we can envision things going a certain way and then, when they don't, we have this discourse when is? Like these, the things that are happening are not a part of my plan. I didn't see it going this way.
Speaker 1:And no, you can't control everything. It's not about being like a type, a Personality where you're a control freak, but it's almost like, like you said, okay, what am I supposed to do? Right, because it's more so Trying to deal with the unexpected. And then sometimes, when you have unexpected outcomes, comes disappointment, and then, after all this preparation that you made and Plans that you've made, it's like, oh man, and do I give up? Like, am I supposed to go back to the drawing board? Because I'm I'm feeling like I'm out of options. I explored all my options and here it is. You're going through all of this in your head and going through all of this Internally, and your husband doesn't even know. So you know you, like you said, you were going through this for a couple of days and, who knows, your mood could have been off for the last couple of days, and you know he's just in the dark, kind of like, oh, what's wrong with her? Oh well, maybe she's just not in a good mood right now, or, you know, and it's so much more Than that, and I will say maybe for me, within this last year, I've started opening up a little bit more, because normally I handle things the same way you do, like I'll just figure it out, and I've noticed that it just becomes so heavy After a while that I'll say this year I just started opening up, like, okay, this is my thought process, this is what I'm thinking and by time, by the time I'm done, laying it all out for my husband, taking him from beginning to end, he's like he'll always tell me I Can't think like that, I would be stressed out, I can't use, it's like I would be depressed and stressed out.
Speaker 1:I think you, you're doing too much, I think you're worried about too much stuff, like I'm like, but this is what I'm dealing with right now and this is what I'm struggling with, and I've been struggling with it for a while. So he's always like oh my gosh, that's too much. And what do we need to do? Like right now, what do you need to do tomorrow? Because all of the other stuff that you just told me, you know that you got to hit, push the brakes, you know.
Speaker 1:And a lot of times I feel like as moms, we either tell ourselves that we can't, we got to figure it out now, because we don't have the luxury of taking time.
Speaker 1:You know, we always have things to do, we always have people to take care of. Sometimes taking care of ourselves takes a backseat, depending on what's going on with our kids, with finances, with work, and you just don't have the luxury, it seems, to really take a breather or To let things like fall into place. Sometimes, when people say like, oh, it'll work itself out, sometimes it seems like I Don't have that luxury of letting things just work themselves out, like the clock is ticking. So it's interesting to hear that you do like the self-talk, because that is like a common theme that I'm starting to hear a lot of self-talk and I have to get this done. You almost have that Determination like you're gonna force Something to happen because you're not giving yourself any other option. So with that, do you have like, is that something? That thought process and the way you're handling those situations now Is that a habit that you would like to change, or Is it one of those situations where that thought process has gotten you this far? So that's something you're gonna keep.
Speaker 3:Know I would like to change it, but I know it's not gonna change overnight. But I would definitely like to change the thought process in Not stress and worry about stuff that I have no control over and just open up more and just tell my husband not day three or maybe day one.
Speaker 1:Okay, and that's pretty big. I mean even that going from Like telling, so that means almost like you're telling him in the moment when it happens, or at least that's the goal. That's. That's pretty big too. So do you have strategies that you're using right now to help you get there To that point?
Speaker 3:No, absolutely not. I told you, it just happened today. Okay, I'll get. Today was day three and I finally just told him because he's like what is wrong with you? What is going on?
Speaker 1:Okay, well, you took your first step today, I mean just by opening up and letting him know. So Maybe that might be his cue where, if he's seeing something is a little off, maybe as soon as he notices it, he can ask you to kind of prompt you to open up. But at least you were willing to open up on day three. So that is Is to me what I'm hearing. That sounds like the first step already. And then you already identified that Is something that needs to change and it's not gonna happen over overnight. So you have the three main things in place to start working towards it and then maybe just remaining self-aware so you can kind of tell yourself like, oh, I'm doing it again, oh, I'm doing it again. So that way you're kind of holding yourself Accountable, because you've already acknowledged that that's something you would like to change. So I know we've talked about the struggles and the challenges that we encounter with motherhood, but what have some of your rewards been on this journey?
Speaker 3:I would say just having amazing kids, understanding kids, lovable kids, like my kids. They're very Mushy, I will call them. I call my son a big teddy bear because he's so loving. If you ever see him, he's smiling from it here.
Speaker 3:Mm-hmm every single time and just having some well-rounded kids and Not have kids that you know give issues and always into something mm-hmm, and I really do Feel like that's a reward because I don't have to worry when they go places. I don't have to worry about people telling me oh, I heard your kids mouth and they've been cursing and they've been doing this. I don't have those conversations with people. It's always positive, Okay that's amazing and that is.
Speaker 1:That is a blessing, that is definitely a blessing. And what are some things that keep you motivated to keep doing and juggling all the things that you juggle day in and day out?
Speaker 3:Just um hearing Different people tell me that I'm doing a good job raising them, and they don't know how I do it, but I get the job done.
Speaker 1:And that that's definitely what I see, and that's that's from the outside. Looking in, that's just from Social media, I just feel like, oh my god, like when I see what you do with your kids, it's just Amazing because it's so much and it seems like you are there front and center to capture all of those moments.
Speaker 3:So I definitely try. I definitely try to be. I know I have my one friends. They're like oh, we need to have a girl's mind, I'm like, okay, but then they'll say, well, when do you have time? Right, and I'm like we're catching me out the football season. I get a little break in between, do you know?
Speaker 1:No, do you? Because I was gonna say, um, I feel like as soon as Football season is over, I see another uniform, another picture, a different game and and I don't know what I was looking at. You Was it rugby one day? Or something like that?
Speaker 1:I'm like oh yeah maybe he does this to stay in shape for football. I have no clue how you keep up, but I mean, if you love it, I guess that would be the motivation to you loving what you see like the growth that you see in your kids. I know for me that will be enough to to keep going. So that leads me to my next question. So how would you describe your current status when it comes to Just life in general? Do you feel like you have that work life balance or are you doing like the struggle and juggle when you're just handling things as they come?
Speaker 3:I'm definitely doing the struggle and juggle cha cha slide, because I be all over the place, all over the place. But I mean, I don't complain, I just I'm so used to it now, mm-hmm, that Sometimes, when I sit and think, I get kind of sad because, like I said, this is my son's last year of youth football and it's like all right. So Now, what, what am I gonna be doing? My, my daughter, doesn't take that much of my time, it's more so him. So it's like I'm gonna have so much free time I'm not gonna know what to do.
Speaker 1:What do you mean free time? Isn't he gonna play? I'm sure he's gonna play for school.
Speaker 3:Right, but that doesn't require me to take him to practice.
Speaker 1:You know, go this place to that place, it's Everything is gonna be with the school, oh Lord, so you, you are gonna be the team mom, you just gonna show up, so you said no, but we can make it happen. So you like the hustle and bustle you? It sounds like oh my goodness.
Speaker 3:I've been the team mom for his team since most of these kids was like five years old. Now they're all going to high school. Oh, my goodness. Okay, I'm just Sad because I'm like our season is almost over now what.
Speaker 1:Oh goodness, please, whatever school he goes to, please, please, make Stacy the team mom. Oh my goodness, I was just being sarcastic, but I mean, look, that's definitely Like what you were telling me. I can honestly say that's what I see On your social media. You are always there, front and center. I know, you know the coaches on a first-name basis. I'm like, oh my goodness, is there ever an Activity or a game that this girl is not attending? And the answer is no.
Speaker 3:You are right there. My son asked my mom what are you gonna do when I go to college? I said we're packing up or selling our house and we're moving Because I'm gonna need to cook for you and wash your clothes and make sure you sit waiting. He's like oh my god.
Speaker 1:Oh, my goodness. Well, have you had that conversation like in state, out of state? Have you said Boundaries or are you just like, hey, whatever happens happens.
Speaker 3:Yeah, no, we haven't said any boundaries. Um, I Just tell him. I asked him like you know, what schools do you have in mind? And then I just start looking for like apartments and stuff up there. Oh my gosh, for me to move, just in case that's where he goes, because I know and that's my first baby. So I'm like, oh my gosh, I try not even think about it.
Speaker 3:Yeah as much, but I'm excited for him. I'm excited for both of them and just excited for our family in general. That's good because you know, and we're gonna have so much free time, we're gonna be traveling and stuff. Actually, he actually we just went to Mexico for him, I saw, for team USA against team Mexico. It was a very good experience and I feel like every child should experience it at least once right, that was amazing.
Speaker 1:I saw that too and I'm like oh, something else, okay, what is this? I Feel like just by following your page, I have learned about so many other options and so many things that are out there that I didn't even know about. It's true, what they say, you don't know what you don't know. So Keep doing what you are doing, because as I follow along, like you, you were teaching me stuff that I didn't know about either. So that's just amazing for you to Share those experiences with other people, and you probably don't even realize how much you're exposing to other parents, so maybe they can kind of follow suit and and do those things with their kids as well. So, with that, that brings me to the next question what advice? And I rarely get to ask this question, so I'm interested to hear your response. What advice do you wish you had been given sooner when it comes to motherhood?
Speaker 3:Oh, um, just being a parent or just in general in general being a parent. Have lots of energy, have lots of patience. Okay, um Okay. I don't think kids are expensive. It's just Once they're involved with a lot and you require a lot from them. That's when it becomes expensive. But just take it one day at a time and Just love when your kids and I.
Speaker 1:That's interesting that you say that, because we only have one and I always tell people like kids are way too expensive to like have multiples. Shout out to the people who have more than one kid because I just feel like I Don't even think right now I could put a dollar amount on what it would take to have another kid. But it's interesting that you say that when you start getting them involved then it becomes expensive, because that's probably. That's probably what it is like.
Speaker 1:If my son wasn't in so many Different activities, then you know what. Maybe I could afford two of them and or or three, right? But when it comes to trying, like you said earlier, you have kids that you want to be well-rounded Same thing so in order to do those things, it takes money to get them exposed. Two different things. And it sounds like your son is very talented, so Usually you would think like, oh, there are other resources, they can do these things for free because he is so talented. But that's not always the case, even with scholarships and things like that.
Speaker 1:It's interesting to hear that. You know it's still expensive and you have an extremely talented set of kids, right? So I always like to factor in. You know, when we're talking to different guests on the show, I I always like to remind people that I'm not trying to Overlook Expenses. I think a lot of times when we're on social media, if we're following blogs, other podcasts and things like that, it's almost like the money aspect of things Take takes a backseat, right? So you get all this advice on what to do with your kids and how to do this with your kids and how to make your kids more well-rounded, and it's almost like the money that it costs to do those things is an afterthought.
Speaker 1:And that kind of leaves parents who can't afford those resources, kind of leaves them out to dry, you know. So that means my kid can't get these experiences because we simply can't afford it. So I like the way you pointed that out, because I don't want people To think we're trying to oversimplify Anything. All of these different experiences, they cost money and it takes a lot of work as a parent Just to provide those things. So that brings us to the end of our show. I want to say thank you so much for taking the time out of your busy schedule to join us to give us some insight on on motherhood, your shitty mom moments, your motivation that keeps you going and keeps you involved with your kids. And before we leave, I want you to tell our listeners how can they get in contact With you. If they want to get their nails done, if they want to set up a trip, if they just want To see what different things you have going on, how can our listeners reach out to you?
Speaker 3:Thank you for having me. I know I like reschedule a hundred times, but thank you that is. But you can follow me on Facebook. It's diamond the hunter. See more on my Instagram. It's xo underscore diamond to five. My booking website is spacey hunter dot and tele travel calm. If you need any trips, and Simply just text me at five, six, one, three, eight one one, six eight two for your nail appointment and I got y'all okay, and I'm gonna give that information from you again.
Speaker 1:I want you to send me a message with that information and then we will stick it in the show notes. So whenever we release the episode, that information will just come up for our viewers and for our listeners. Okay, okay, all right. Thank you so much, stacy. Thank you, have a good one. Hey, everyone, it's your favorite BCB AD here, dr Doloran, and I'm here to ask you to help us Continue making great content for listeners everywhere by visiting www.4 shitty moms calm, where you can make a monthly contribution. Also, visit us on Instagram, youtube, facebook and TikTok at 4 shitty moms and that's shitty with a next.