Discover how to transform the chaos of daily life into a harmonious symphony, especially for families with children with special needs. Our heartfelt stories reveal the trials and triumphs of integrating effective behavioral change programs, ensuring every family outing becomes a memory to cherish. We dive into the art of balancing professional duties with the joys and challenges of personal life, all while carving out space for self-care and ambition. Learn the secrets to creating a productive home environment and the power of prioritizing to make every moment count.
Unlock the mystery of personal productivity with our candid discussion on different organizational styles that cater to individual preferences. From contrasting approaches to conquering to-do lists to the fine art of delegation, we're sharing how to find fulfillment without getting overwhelmed. Whether you're a fan of agenda books or a proponent of writing down tasks, this episode is packed with strategies that will help you manage life's daily demands. Plus, join us as we navigate the delicate dance of asserting professional identity and earning respect in various workplace settings, sharing stories that range from surprising to affirming.
Wrapping up, we delve into the world of event planning, the nuances of balancing time and money, and the importance of supporting and connecting with the community. Whether it's planning a child's birthday party or juggling career and family aspirations, we examine the multifaceted journey towards personal fulfillment. This episode isn't just about getting things done; it's about creating a life that resonates with who you are and what you value, with a little help from those who've walked the path before you. Come be a part of our supportive community and find inspiration in our collective experiences.ration.
⏰ Chapter Markers ⏰
0:00 - Effective Time Management and Prioritization
8:11 - Different Approaches to Productivity and Organization
23:31 - Challenges and Attitudes in Professional Settings
31:17 - Professional Dress and Perceived Image
43:43 - Event Planning and Decorating Challenges
51:18 - Balancing Time and Money in Events
55:14 - Balancing Life, Career, and Family
1:03:30 - Community Support and Call for Contributions
A Podcast for the less than perfect mom!"
➣ For Guest Appearances, Sponsorship & Bookings: shxtmom@gmail.com
➣ Visit our official website: https://www.ForShxttyMoms.com
Discover how to transform the chaos of daily life into a harmonious symphony, especially for families with children with special needs. Our heartfelt stories reveal the trials and triumphs of integrating effective behavioral change programs, ensuring every family outing becomes a memory to cherish. We dive into the art of balancing professional duties with the joys and challenges of personal life, all while carving out space for self-care and ambition. Learn the secrets to creating a productive home environment and the power of prioritizing to make every moment count.
Unlock the mystery of personal productivity with our candid discussion on different organizational styles that cater to individual preferences. From contrasting approaches to conquering to-do lists to the fine art of delegation, we're sharing how to find fulfillment without getting overwhelmed. Whether you're a fan of agenda books or a proponent of writing down tasks, this episode is packed with strategies that will help you manage life's daily demands. Plus, join us as we navigate the delicate dance of asserting professional identity and earning respect in various workplace settings, sharing stories that range from surprising to affirming.
Wrapping up, we delve into the world of event planning, the nuances of balancing time and money, and the importance of supporting and connecting with the community. Whether it's planning a child's birthday party or juggling career and family aspirations, we examine the multifaceted journey towards personal fulfillment. This episode isn't just about getting things done; it's about creating a life that resonates with who you are and what you value, with a little help from those who've walked the path before you. Come be a part of our supportive community and find inspiration in our collective experiences.ration.
⏰ Chapter Markers ⏰
0:00 - Effective Time Management and Prioritization
8:11 - Different Approaches to Productivity and Organization
23:31 - Challenges and Attitudes in Professional Settings
31:17 - Professional Dress and Perceived Image
43:43 - Event Planning and Decorating Challenges
51:18 - Balancing Time and Money in Events
55:14 - Balancing Life, Career, and Family
1:03:30 - Community Support and Call for Contributions
A Podcast for the less than perfect mom!"
➣ For Guest Appearances, Sponsorship & Bookings: shxtmom@gmail.com
➣ Visit our official website: https://www.ForShxttyMoms.com
This episode of FSM is brought to you by Fidelity Behavioral Alliance, your number one source for behavior change. Fidelity Behavioral Alliance creates behavior change programs for schools, parents and organizations looking to reduce problem behaviors and improve performance outcomes. Find out more at wwwfidelitybehavioralalliancecom. If you would like to sponsor an episode of FSM, email us at shitmomatgmailcom. That's S-H-X-T-M-O-M at gmailcom. It's time to put the kids to bed, so y'all get ready for another episode of For Shitty Moms. Hey everyone, this is part two of a two-part series, so if you haven't listened to part one, go ahead and stream that on your favorite platform. So that part of the job is a lot, but the end result, when you have children communicating with families, you have families who are now able to go out and have dinner A lot of my families. They can't even go to a restaurant and have dinner.
Speaker 1:That's just something that they don't do Something as simple as going grocery shopping. They don't go grocery shopping with their children. It's too much of a challenge, it's too much of a hassle. So when you can finally start putting things in place and you have a parent like, oh my God, we went to the store and it was so nice, those are the moments that you know to see the parents now. Yeah, it's like that pivotal moment where now you've opened up this family to a whole new set of possibilities, because their kid now understands how to transition from home to a car, to a store and back to the car Right, a sense of norm. Yeah, so that's the rewarding part. But it's now I'm getting to the point where I'm like, all right, I'm going to have to pick and choose. Like, is this where the time that I'm spending on the weekends to prepare for a week of work and kind of missing out and trying to squeeze my kid in on the back burner, like what's the trade off going to be?
Speaker 2:It's not, I'm going to tell you right now is not worth it. The only way you're going to do better at what you're doing is See, the thing is, is you work from home? So create in a space that feels like work. You have to close the door and you have to do an extra hour whatever you can. So that extra hour, whatever you want it to be if it's catching up on emails, if it's staffing the case, or whatever the case you want to call it, if it's making phone calls that hour should be so jam packed so that when you feel, when you come out of it, you feel like you, you made a step forward.
Speaker 2:If you don't feel like that, after that extra because everyone does it Everyone has an extra hour where they actually still work, where they don't feel like they work, but they still work.
Speaker 2:Even if it's thinking the drive home, the commute home from your job, you're still thinking dang, did I make that email that I correct that thing, that I do this, you're still working. But that's why I said, if you create that hour of space where you're okay with giving an hour either twice, twice a week or three times a week, you're going to be fine Because that's, that's something, it's a passion. Anyway, it's not just a career, it's a passion. It's like you want that to happen, so you don't mind giving when it's a passion. So if you give an extra hour and you say I'm jam packing that with this, that means don't touch this during the day. Do what you need to do during the day, but leave that for that. And the only reason why I say that is because then, when you have that sense of fulfillment, when you put it down, your phone can turn off a nothing important past six o'clock for your job yeah, nothing.
Speaker 1:And since the clock is pushing it.
Speaker 2:I wish you know, especially if you started at seven. Yeah, Absolutely.
Speaker 1:That reminds me I was just watching a TED talk and the lady specializes in like time management and I said I was going to try it, I'm going to read up on it a little bit more. But she did a case study and had people keeping time journals and she was like, when you think about it, you have 24 hours a day, seven days a week, you have 168 hours a week. That 168 hours, you're only working 40 hours a week. And she was like some people okay, let's push it to 50. Right, because we might be, doing a little bit more.
Speaker 1:And she was like if you have a second job, like a side hustle or something like that, okay, maybe you're working 60. And she's like the people who are claiming to work 70 and 75 hours a week when they start doing those time journals, they're off by like 20 hours. So no, you're not working 70 to 75 hours a week, so from there she's like okay, if you get eight hours of sleep, less, less go with people, people don't.
Speaker 1:They usually don't. She was saying by the time you factor in the time that you actually spend working, the time that you actually spend sleeping, you still have an entire 72 hours left in your week to do whatever you want to do. But the determining factor when you run into people who are saying, oh, I don't have time for that, I don't have time for this, it's the priority. So she said when she started interviewing different people I guess one person who you know very successful, that's what she said the more successful people. Basically, they pick and choose how they want to spend their time with every single thing they do. So she said one person who was probably the most productive and the most successful person.
Speaker 1:That was a part of this study. She had to reschedule the interview like countless times and when she finally got the interview with a person, the person just told her hey, I spend my time how I want to spend my time. If it's a priority for me, then I'm going to do it. But when I say I don't have time for that, it's not that I don't have time for it, I don't want to do it, that's not a priority for me, so I'm not going to do it and I'm like wow. But when you look at her time journal, her time is was used the most efficiently out of everyone else and she had the most fulfillment because she prioritized every single task that she did throughout the day. So I just watched I didn't finish the TED talk, but I was like whoa, that's eye opening. Like maybe I'll try that first, just to see, okay, what am I really doing throughout the day, because I think I spend a lot of time like oh my God, I got so much to do. That's like girl, you didn't even get started. Go do it, stop thinking about it Stop agonizing over
Speaker 1:it Girl, go do it, and I'll even see my husband, like we are the total opposite. So I feel like, for me, I have to gear up to do what I need to do, right? So I got to get my son situated. I I try to get some kind of exercise, yoga, something, meditation, anything, and then I try to make sure I have breakfast. Okay, now I'm ready to sit down and focus on what I have to do.
Speaker 1:My husband is the opposite, right? So he, when it's time for him to get started and tackle his to do list, like he goes full force and he does not stop until it's done. Once it's done, then he feels like he can relax. And and I'm the opposite I got to work my way up to it and he's working his way down from it and I'm like, wow, I wonder, is that more productive? Is it more? Is that a more efficient way to work? And then, when he's done, he's done and he can do whatever he wants to do with his quality time or not, like I would just like to see you know, and being that, I it's not.
Speaker 2:It's not more productive, it's just what works for him. Yeah, and that's the thing you have to find what works for you. Like me, I was like, um, what people was using a agenda book at work and I was like, oh, I can't stand these damage in the book. Right, I will write everything down and never look back at it. Oh, I was going to do that today. Okay, I totally forgot that. Well, I'm not going to lie to you. I made a conscious effort to actually use it over the summer. So, and I haven't. What the thing is is I haven't completed it, but I did say I'm going to go back to that. So, and the reason why I'm saying is because now I'm finding a little bit more balance within me.
Speaker 2:So I have my app, or my agenda book. My husband says you do it like trying to set a senior reminder. I haven't got that far yet. The reminders will make me go crazy. So I said let me just mentally go look at it. Let me make a habit of going to mentally look at my book.
Speaker 2:So I got the book, had the month put down, people's birthdays put down, you know bills and you know what I was planning on doing whatever. And then the next page was detail, a little detail page of the day. So you had a deep drill. Your day and put down what you needed to do is like your to-do list, and I actually started writing down five things to do every single day that I need to do for the next day. So I would take time out and say, okay, this is what I didn't finish, this is what my priority is. I wrote it down, all of them down, and then beside it was like these little boxes of soccer put check marks. I did it. Now, the reason I like that was because mentally, I was consciously thinking did I?
Speaker 1:oh, I didn't do none of that to go.
Speaker 2:I got to do that tomorrow and then it was. It brought me a sense of fulfillment just to know what I was doing the next day. Anything can come in between, but those was my priorities for that day Because it was all my to-do list and I wanted it done. So I think, yeah, so I think that you would have to do that too.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I'm a to-do list person, even if I don't look back at my to-do list. But a friend of mine who does like professional planning she told me she always refers back to her to-do list because it gives her a sense of accomplishment and even if she didn't finish her stuff on that particular day, even if it's a week later, she's gonna go back to that page where she wrote that to-do list and she's still gonna check off that box because that gives her a sense of accomplishment. So I, when she brought that to my attention.
Speaker 1:I'm like oh okay, let me try it. It I felt like it gave me some accountability. It made me feel like I was being more productive, because normally I just kind of knock out stuff and for me to remember anything I have to transcribe, Like I have to, even if I don't read it again. As long as I write it down, it's in my memory, I don't have to look at it again, and that's how I learn as well. So when I'm learning something, when I'm taking classes, when I'm studying for boards, I am that person. I have to write out everything. I don't have to read it. I never read my notes because I already wrote it. Once it's written, it's in my head, is stuck, but it was nice, that's my kids.
Speaker 2:My kids are like that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I don't. I don't know what that is, I don't know what it's called, but I definitely learned through transcribing. But that sense of accomplishment and I feel like the anxiety kind of goes down when I can look back at what I wrote down and it's like, oh my God, I did all of these things. And in some days I'm like, Okay, don't make a to do list with more than 10 things on it, and sometimes I will even text myself all of my to do list and I will knock those things out. But I'll say, this past week I just got to the point where I was like I did all of these things, but you're doing too much. Like this time, this particular time, it wasn't a sense of accomplishment, it was more like, Okay, I need to find a way to kind of categorize these things that I'm doing. Some of this needs to go to an assistant, a virtual assistant or it. Somehow it needs to get off of my to do list.
Speaker 2:Your point.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's got to between juggling like lawn. You don't even want to know what the laundry looks like right now because I'm like that's not a priority, so it's like a mountain of laundry.
Speaker 2:See, I and I watch a load of laundry in the morning every day.
Speaker 1:Oh, I wash the clothes, that's no problem. But folding, putting away, hanging up, it's a wrap.
Speaker 2:That's another thing too. I don't do all of that, like literally, I, I wash it, it goes in a dryer and I, I've this shot. Well, my kids do their own. So that takes a lot. But what I'm worried about is mainly me, my husband and the towels. Okay, so, because I wash my towels that we dry off with and you know don't wash clothes those going one, but cleaning towels go to something separately, right, and then I have my, my dog stuff, my pets. So me personally, like literally, I only have the one thing at a time. So if it's me and my husband's clothes, my, my, I wash my clothes separate from my husband's too. So when I finish I'm like, hey, this, all your stuff, yeah, here's the basket, yeah, good luck and it. But we have a basket for the clean clothes. And if it never reaches the closet and he want to keep digging for gold, that is his entire purpose and plan. And I'm okay with me personally.
Speaker 2:I my underwear and bras and all of that. I take all of that out because I fold up my underwear and I put it in my thing and then after that, any workout clothes go in my drawers too, and then the clothes that have to be hung up. Unfortunately, I'm particular, so all my clothes go on black kangaroos. So I'm like, hey, stop using my black kangaroos, I need my black kangaroos, so you know. So I take all the black kangaroos, he get all the white hangers, and that's when I hang up my clothes. And then, once I'm done with my stuff and towels, the moment they come out the dryer I fold them because, because, because it's right there next to the closet, and it's like Okay, you know what? Oh, put it up.
Speaker 2:Oh, put it up, and plus it'd be warm to me. So I kind of like be like a little bit involved in that Okay.
Speaker 2:So yeah, but if I do towels that day, towels have to go up because we have dogs and I don't want them on my towels because when something smells good to them, they like to go and smell it too, like they got issues. So I'm like no, I won't need your nose on my towel. So I put them up and they never make it to the sofa's nothing. But if you don't want to handle it, put it in the basket and cover it up and when you get to it, hopefully there ain't nothing you want. But I have enough clothes to satisfy me. If I didn't want to put up my clothes and I don't want to look in that basket, I have enough clothes that I can wear for at least three weeks at a time I have.
Speaker 1:I have too many clothes, that's the issue.
Speaker 2:Too many, I've been every three months I've been getting none sense what do you mean?
Speaker 1:Oh, too many clothes.
Speaker 2:Nonsense, nonsense, women. I've been getting women. There is no such thing.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I'm like why is it so many? But you do you need your clothes for the gym, you need your clothes for work. For me I wear, like I have my work uniforms. But when I'm first introducing myself, now that I'm going back into the schools and kind of consulting with different schools, those are like a that's a different wardrobe from when I'm working one on one with the kid or if I'm training my assistant, because I just never know, like when I'm training my assistant or when I'm working with the kid, I'm in joggers, a t-shirt and I'll have on my long sleeves. Because I don't know, am I chasing a kid today? Am I bending out? Like what am I doing? I don't know what I'm getting into. So I have to be ready for anything. But when I'm first introducing myself to people, I've stopped wearing like my joggers and my shirt because I've noticed and I don't know really what this is all about, but I've noticed that I'm treated differently.
Speaker 1:So I have to dress a certain way to get a certain level of respect. I feel like that level of respect should already be there, but through my work experience that is not the case, so it's unfortunate. Like I would love to wear scrubs to work, right, but the way that I'm treated when I dress that way and I'm still professional when I'm a little more casual and in my clothes that I would work with children in, but the level of respect or the level of disrespect that comes from the adults and the environment to me has become intolerable. So now it's like a different wardrobe and a totally different set of clothes. Just to introduce myself to the staff. You're a school administrator, so that that front desk person that you meet, those principal secretaries, those secretaries in the front office, I feel like they can make or break the whole situation right, and the way that you are introduced to that school staff, the reception that you get from that school staff, really depends on that first encounter with that person that you meet at the door. So this time around I took a different approach and had to go shopping all over again. So now I have two different sets of clothes that I'm wearing just to talk to adults and then a different set of clothes that I'm wearing when I need to work with a kid. Right, it should not be that difficult, but I've noticed the level of respect since I've started changing my dress code is unparalleled Before.
Speaker 1:I would be treated like somebody's assistant yeah, like, and it's crazy, because you would think you have a kid with special needs. The child is supposed to be the priority. You have a teacher who's stressed out to the max. You would think they would be happy to see you coming in to offer them some kind of help and assistance. And okay, let's get things on track. What do you need help with? And pretty much if I walk through the door and joggers, unfortunately they treat me like the help. Just get him out of here Perception.
Speaker 2:What is your job? Again?
Speaker 1:Perception is everything that is insane to me.
Speaker 2:Perception is everything, and people don't respect a boss that can't. They respect a boss that can do both, but they don't respect a boss that only can work one way. You know what I mean. Like you can only come dressed like that. What if I want you to meet someone from you know higher up on my staff? You know I'm introducing you like this. You know my thing is is that I believe that people are, if you do what you do, they. This is how they might say well, she coming here in scrubs, but she the boss. Or it can be like this but her to be the boss, she coming scrubs.
Speaker 1:Oh wow, it's a perception.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's a perception. Sometimes, what people used to do to show that they were of a higher level was they had some type of emblem on them, some type of accountability attached to them. So say, you came in scrubs but you had a name tag. Now you're showing that I'm this important to where I want you to know who I am and I have our badges, but I did say I was going to put which to me.
Speaker 1:Initially I was a little uncomfortable putting my credentials like on my jacket right, because, like I told you, I go in my joggers, I go in my my jacket and I just you better write that paragraph.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I mean I'm gonna have to because the difference is insane. But to me, when, with the job that I do with our special needs little ones and for the most part, like I, worked in early intervention you know I need to get on their level. I'm not here for you, I'm here to help this child communicate and, like immerse themselves in the environment. So, but can I be honest with you? Go ahead.
Speaker 2:We don't know. I know what all your credentials look like yeah, we don't know what a supervisor look like yeah, so you could put all that on your shirt. If it doesn't Won't mean anything to the, to the outside world, until you let the. I could tell you two things that tells us that something different is about you. If you say I'm Miss Monteser, okay, she, just miss Monteser. I am doctor Monteser, oh, yeah, okay, yeah, you're. That's one way that we can know that there's something else different about you. The other thing is to literally just tell us you have to say I am the supervisor, this is my company, I you know what I mean, like you have to literally tell people physically this is who I am.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I had to get comfortable with that.
Speaker 1:I had to get comfortable with it. I I think I just did it the first time when I introduced myself to this set of schools that I'm working with under my own company. So yeah, I had to kind of grow in that because I didn't want people to think, oh, she's just throwing this title around. But from my experience there were one too many instances of disrespect that just didn't sit too well with me and it was kind of like all right, the gloves are off. There's no more being coy or or trying to be polite about it. No, I'm Dr Montesier, don't address me as anything else Like that. That is no longer an option.
Speaker 1:And once I took that approach, even two weeks ago, I just started a contract with a different school and usually when I go into this, the setting, to kind of analyze the behaviors and what's going on, I'm really supposed to make myself invisible so I can kind of see what the natural environment looks like, so I can see where I'm starting, what's really going on behind the scenes and the teacher in particular was like, the next time you come, would you mind notify me and letting me know, like she made it clear, to kind of mark her territory, not knowing that I had been in touch with the school?
Speaker 1:I had been in touch with the school. I've been calling them to let them know. Hey, I'm coming, this is what I do, blah, blah, blah. My assistant is there, but I need to see what my assistant is doing in this environment. You know, I'm just taking over for someone else and I just kind of sat back, I made my observations. She told me next time you come, you need to email me, you need to do it, do it and I will let you know when is a good time. This is what she told me on day one and I just, you know we're always taught to be humble, you, you?
Speaker 1:are in someone else's territory, you're in that teacher's classroom. She's the boss, you support her, you follow her lead, you help her. Help this child, right, that's my role. So I just kind of said I understand, I completely understand. I will do that. Let me get your contact information, because at the time I've been in contact with the school. That's how it's supposed to go.
Speaker 1:And by the time I sent my email that night because when I walked in there it was yet we don't even know why you guys are here. What are you doing? Because you know we provide the services through insurance and through families and through parents and it's kind of set up and there is a gap in the communication. I will give them that. But if you know someone is there to help.
Speaker 1:I'm just not understanding the attitude and the territorial I don't know nature or actions from these adults, because when I was a teacher and when I struggled, I would have loved someone to like step into my room and guide me and coach me and show me how can I do better, how can I manage this. So after I sent the email, I did introduce myself hey, I'm Dr So-and-so, this is my role. I understand you had questions about my purpose in this environment. This is what we do. This is what you can expect, this is what I'm looking for. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, and I copied the teacher, I copied the principal, I copied. You know everyone that I would normally that I encountered that same day I spoke to all of these people in person and it was like why are you here?
Speaker 1:We don't understand. Who are you? What's your purpose? That's pretty much what they one email said. Quite frankly, we don't know why you're here. That was another email from a separate group of people, but once they got the email, when I followed up that next week, so many apologies. Oh, we weren't aware. Oh, doctor, we're so sorry. Oh, we're so thankful that you're here.
Speaker 1:And I'm like, honestly, I shouldn't take all of that. It is just, even if I was a, even if I was a substitute teacher, why wouldn't you treat that person with a level of respect, right? So now, unfortunately, I don't give people the benefit of the doubt when I once I put on that that working professional hat. I'm Dr, so-and-so. This is my role, this is what I will be doing, and even with my assistance, I don't always bring them in. Sometimes they come with the child already. I kind of have to set the tone. No, this is my expectation for you. I will let you know what needs to be done. You don't let me know what needs to be done, and I think I've had to grow into my assertiveness and that role.
Speaker 1:But it's so ironic to me because I feel like you really have this challenge in the school setting and I don't really see that in other settings, in other industries. But the school settings it's kind of like, from the time you cross that threshold it is a battle and really I'm fighting to help. You have a lot of resistance in our field and we're really here to help. So it's just interesting to like encounter that dynamic and then it's interesting to also see how something as simple as closing an email will change somebody's complete attitude. And then they're very apologetic and they're extra polite. But you should have been that way when you first met me. You should have-.
Speaker 2:Well, we got that in banking. They did a survey with the survey with customers and what they noticed was, if they came Okay, so they turned us into salespeople. So, at the teller line, if they walked up to a teller, they asked what a professional teller would look like. They gave their account. They said would you take a teller's word on the same level as a personal banker that was in the office, got their account on that? And then they said why would you or would you not so one if you tellers as not as important, you're supposed to take my money, make the deposit, take it away and put it in my account. That's all I was supposed to do the moment I started telling you hey, you know, I see that you have a credit card and may have a better interest rate. Why don't you go talk to one of our personal bankers? No, that's fine, but if I had on a jacket, if I put on a jacket and said hey, I noticed you have a credit card, you might have a better interest rate available to you based on your credit and based on the old credit card compared to the new credit card their lower interest rate. Huh, they thought about it and they asked what made the difference.
Speaker 2:I said the same thing, but it was because I had on a jacket. But it was because I had on a jacket. And then, yeah, a jacket. And if you notice, if you go into Bank of America, they all went to jackets. We couldn't wear a jacket. We couldn't come to work without a black or blue blazer on top of our clothes.
Speaker 2:Yep, they made that change maybe three years before I left. So we literally now if you had on any other color blazer, it just had to be a jacket. It could not, because they didn't take us serious as professional bankers. They also take away our title. We were first called Teller Tellers okay. We then went to professional tellers, oh, okay. So they added professional. They did actually give a raise because they changed our title Okay, they added like a dollar raise. So they did change us to oh, that's a professional teller, or that is, oh, yeah, they wearing jackets. So, and then if we were in the lobby, they didn't know us between the bankers and a teller because we had a jacket, okay. So then they said oh, why would you take the person in the office more serious than the person at the teller line? It was one because of the jacket. We didn't wear a jacket. So that was one of the bank. They weren't professionally dressed, they didn't dress like a banker. We weren't even considered a banker. We were just an avenue of funds and then or an avenue of transaction.
Speaker 2:But in the office it showed a step up. They didn't want to talk about their business at the teller line, they wanted to have a personal conversation with the personal banker. So then it became professional teller, personal banker. So now I feel like, ooh, now I got somebody for myself, right, okay, that makes sense. It was that feeling of there for me, yeah. So when we had to change our conversation, we always said let our professional or let our personal banker help you with your personal needs. When we talked about personal with personal, they equated that. When they talked about teller line to office, they equated that I can tell you right now people come into my front desk and be like they're just the front desk people, yeah. But then the moment that they call me and say hey, we have an irate parent now they're looking for me to be someone of a different sex because I'm in a different office, I'm not in just the front desk. So what I did was I said look at here y'all, y'all are front desk attendants. I say but y'all need to assert just a little bit of power. I say you can say no, I would back you up. If you say no, you can give information out. Just let it be correct. Yeah, that way they can say I can help you. I say I'll start telling them. Stop saying, oh, my secretary, no, the information. No, say I can help you. And the moment that you start showing accountability and that you're more knowledgeable than just answering the phone and signing up their child, people are going to take you to the office and people are going to take you more seriously for information. So I believe that, in essence, professional wear does get you places and it's all about perception, but it is what it is.
Speaker 2:People view people professionally when they dress different and as much as Now, I can tell you right now we had a guy that came in that was broke as a joke, but he dressed up like he was rich and we used to look at him like, hey, you got 42 cents. He was like, hey, look at this, like, oh, my check didn't hit yet, I'll be back. He was so confident that Black Blaser did it for him. Ok, baby, he was on cloud, you see me, and we were like we were so broke right now, but that's what he did and you know what. We respected him simply because he wasn't his bank account. He was who he was.
Speaker 2:You know what I'm saying and you have to just know that too, about yourself, like when I come in there sometimes on Fridays and I wear tennis shoes. They were like, oh, it makes me professionally dressed. They'll come and get me and I'll be in my tennis shoes, some jeans and a the shirt for the school. And now they look at me like you just got her. Yeah, what you mean? What's up? Don't I be like in my mind. I like don't let this get you up, get you, but what?
Speaker 1:happened? What, what?
Speaker 2:what happened and then, when they realize I can help them right no matter how I'm dressed. Yeah, they do treat me a little bit different, don't?
Speaker 1:change the knowledge. But yeah, people don't, it's just fine. Yeah, they don't respond. So life has gotten a little easier with that and I think I've grown a little more comfortable In that, but typically, in general, I'm a more casual person.
Speaker 1:I like things to be more functional, so that's pretty much how I dress when I dress for work. I have on long sleeves because I don't want a kid Bottley fluids getting on me if something happens. Um, I I don't want to get scratched up or bitten if I'm working with a kid and things go south very quickly. So I wear sneakers and joggers. I wear the cargo pants because I need pockets. I got to have toys and reinforcers and all that stuff and it's safer on me.
Speaker 1:Absolutely. And I put on those sneakers because I might have the sprint and run and, you know, scoop somebody up real quick.
Speaker 1:But you know, unfortunately Everyone doesn't get that. So usually on the days where I do dress up, I try to make that just my initial meet and greet and If something goes south because I'm not dressed accordingly, unfortunately I can't help you like I'm not dressed for it, unless I kick off my shoes and you know, take off, I'm not dressed for that. Um, so it's just interesting to see the shift and the dynamic. The information hasn't changed At all, like I know what I know, regardless of how I'm dressed, but the level of respect that has been established just for me wearing slack and it's not even I am not the most fashion forward person. I'm trying to put some stuff together. My goal is just To look decent, but it's amazing how Some slacks and some ballet flats and a nice cardigan Makes all the difference in the world. So I'm kind of learning that and putting on my business hat as I go.
Speaker 1:Um it just takes a lot. I'm learning this year, this year. I've learned a lot in Then what it means to like call yourself a boss, right? I feel like Since covet, everyone became like entrepreneurs and started running businesses and everyone loves to call themselves like the ceo. But I feel like my business is small and I'm still wearing so many hats. It's just made me have so much more Respect for those small business owners who have been in the game for so long, like Before owning your own business was trendy and a fad, and before the pandemic, where people had to just Hustle and put stuff together because everything shut down and we didn't know what was going to happen, where the next dollar was coming from.
Speaker 1:Those people who have been running these traditional businesses before social media, marketing and and things like that. Now I'm looking at them through a whole new lens. Like damn, you were doing all of that behind the scenes, with less technology, less marketing tools, and they have been consistent. That is insane to me To see how many different hats they have to wear. In addition to most of them Provide the service as well. So not only are they the boss, the accountant, the receptionist, like Depending on what the business is. They're the employee as well. They're the janitor, the custodian, like you name it.
Speaker 2:They do it so that the thing is is is the thing is is making. When you start the business, you don't start it full strong. What you do is you layer the growth. So when you start the business, you start on the one level and then you add a service. Once you master those two services, okay, when you add the service, you take time.
Speaker 2:So when I first started, I was just doing Event planning. Okay, I was just planning the event, planning the event, and then I said, oh, but I need to coordinate it too. So I was doing both and then I realized that they, they were one and the same with each other. Once I planned it, it was like execution was the plant, the coordinating part. So it was like, oh, yes, I get to see what I planned in full motion. And then I added decorating, slowly, so my decorations and I didn't had, I had no inventory, so I added decorations. And then after that I said, okay, I'm adding decorations. So now that's another layer of thought process. I'm thinking about how the event looks and how the flow of the room is going to look, and then my coordinating comes in that day. So it's like whoa, whoa, okay, oh, whoa, whoa, okay, oh, whoa. It was like, okay, they go together.
Speaker 2:And then I knew that eventually I wanted to bring in extra revenue when I didn't have an event. So I said I want to start my rental side of the company. So even when I had an event I was renting out my items. But I said I'm not going to start that until I have Um, until I'm ready to do that, because that took an extra Part of planning to do, because now I have to make sure that the event that I had Wasn't using the items that someone wanted to rent on the same day. So it took me, it took me like scheduling, and now I'm like, oh, but I didn't add rentals until my second or third year of being in business.
Speaker 2:Oh, okay and, and it had to be up to Five tables at first and then by my fifth year I was up to 10 tables. So if you wanted to get something from me, I knew I could accommodate up to 100 guests. An inventory, okay. So what people don't realize is that, yeah, you can hit the gate straight out. You can do that, but Were you ready for it?
Speaker 2:Yeah, you handle it and I knew for sure I couldn't handle all of that, even though that was my goal. So I had business goals. So the one, the way I found out that the secret of it to it all was to gradually add services on. And then it came to the point where I was like that's all the services I want to do. Because then I started saying, okay, now I don't want this inventory in the one. I need to sell a package and then get rid of it all together.
Speaker 2:So then I became now a person that invested and now I need to have a return on my investment. And that was now accounting. Oh, my gosh, I need to go home and think about this. I need to go home and write all this down. Oh, did I just sell a package for less than what I invested for? Normally you do, but At the end of then you have to stay with the trend. So now you're doing a whole bunch of research.
Speaker 2:Then I put myself through school for it. So I was like, oh, now I have to stop this amount of time frame so I can have time to go to school to master my craft. So, yeah, you, I should have probably went beforehand, but then I realized that I wanted to go deeper with it, with cultures and respect for cultures and respect for etiquette on a table. So then you, you start to elevate, but are you ready for it? So then, that's why I say to everybody um, wait, think about where you want your business at now and where you wanted to go, and how you want to do. That's basically coming up with a business plan all all in one.
Speaker 1:So how did you get started with the event planning? How did that come about?
Speaker 2:I just I've been with doing it march or make 10 years. But I literally dived in head first. Hair got wet, shoes and clothes got wet. I walked out drowning. I was like, oh baby, what was I thinking? And then the first Um, I was calling one time to rent linen and I said I need eight table costs round.
Speaker 2:And she says what size? What you mean, what size? There, there's, there's a size. Um, she says yes, there's this, there's that, there's this. I said, um, the one that fit a circle table. And she was like she said do you want to call me? I said I sure do. Yes, I do.
Speaker 2:And I hung up the phone and I said to myself I should have just stuck to event planning and coordinating, because now I'm trying to decorate and don't even know the size of a table. And you know what I had to do. I literally that's how my inventory got started. I was like I need a rectangle tablecloth. She says what size? Hmm, you did that again. You asked that question again Okay, so I went and I bought a rectangle table and I say this is six feet. Okay, this is six feet.
Speaker 2:So I started buying all these tablecloths and I was like it's not going to the floor. Okay, all right. So what else I mean? And so my, my diving man was a true dive in. And then when I was, it was deep, it was deep. And I was like whoa, I say this is a whole another beast. And then that's when I said I'm not gonna offer decorating yet, let me put that to the side.
Speaker 2:And then that's when I went back.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I went back to what I knew, how I like I'm a person of show, so I consider events theatrical. Okay, yeah, so basically they're on stage and I feel like I'm always that person, because I was in high school, I was in ballet or in dance, and it was all about stage left, stage right, making sure that you keep the focus on one end when you're creating another space on the other end. So I used, you know, because then everyone's focusing on the left, so when you're making changes over here on the right, they're not even paying attention to that. So I always remembered that and I like it to be a flawless transition between things. It's not always flawless, but it's the perfection that I aim for and go to.
Speaker 2:So when I started realizing okay, I got event planning and court name together and I was like I need to take time to get my decorating together, because then the beauty of it was where I found myself creating. I was in a space of a dream-like world where I could create, you know, anything that I wanted to. So I started off by making personalized centerpieces.
Speaker 2:So it all was personalized to you. So it was literally me hand making the centerpieces and I yeah. But then I realized very quickly that I wasn't charging enough to do and put in that much time. So then I said, okay, I have to transition to sit down centerpieces and go from there. And then I started using vendors.
Speaker 2:And the industry was not kind to me in the beginning and it was a lot of event planners, I'm sorry. Well, I found out that a lot of the decorators that were out there were not planners, they were not coordinators, they literally were decorators only. So when I would go to them and say, hey, what you use for your timeline, what you use for this, they had no idea what I was talking about. They had no idea. And then they weren't. Didn't they want, they didn't want to share secrets, they didn't want to share vendors. So everyone who I literally am in business with were the people that were kind enough to extend an olive branch and say I will work with you, even though they hadn't known me in the industry. Some people come to me who were very mean, very, very mean. They did not want to help me. And I look at them and I find myself saying, should I help them?
Speaker 1:Oh, wow.
Speaker 2:You were in the game way longer than me and wouldn't help me, wouldn't even offer little advice. Little advice. There was only one event planner that helped me and to this day I would never anything she asked for. I give it to her because when I was starting she sat down and told me about taxes. She told me about making sure I have a tax exempt for this and making sure I always carry with me, making sure I did. And I mean she took two hours to talk to me and I've always said to myself I would never leave her. Whenever she wanted me, I would be there for her. But I literally can say that for her. I literally can say that from the ground up. I worked this whole business up from my own hands period.
Speaker 1:Wow, that's amazing.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and that's why it's so hard to just let someone come in and just tell me what they want me to do. It's like, no, yeah, you learn that too. You learn no very quickly, okay, but I am never. But I always help people who come to me Like I have someone that's in Georgia, she's doing phenomenal, and she always call me and say, mentor, tell me what you want me to do. And I'm like she called me a mentor, okay, but she's so sweet, but I've never not helped her. I was like, hey, this is what I did, this is what I did. I didn't want to be like those other people. Yeah, and she I've talked to her off the ledge like five different times and she was like I was going to throw this, all the stuff, in the garbage. I said, girl, you can't throw it in the garbage. I say just keep going, keep going. But yeah, I help people out too with the business and I'm very thankful, but they were not calling to me in the beginning.
Speaker 1:I mean, it's I never would have. I follow you on social media and I feel like from the beginning, like years ago I was still in undergrad and I heard about you doing different events and things like that and just hearing you break it down, I never knew there was so many different sides to it, just with you explaining like the coordinating the event planning, the decor decorating and designing Like to me as a consumer, you know it just sounds like, oh, that goes together.
Speaker 1:But now hearing you explain it and break it down, it's like, oh, I can see how they are very different and I can also see how it's very convenient and accommodating to your customers or your clients to that you offer those things in one. I know my husband and I we have been talking about a vow renewal ceremony and I dabble and I don't even say I won't even say I dabble in decorating, but he'll see me like decorating something for my son's birthday party or something like that.
Speaker 1:And he'll always joke around like Do you really need somebody to plan the vow renewal ceremony? Like look at all this stuff you're doing. Look at all these packages coming to the house Like you do everything yourself. Because I'll kind of give him the timeline while you guys are doing this, I'm going to be behind the scenes doing that while you guys do. You know I'm doing those things so that the birthday party can go smoothly, right? Because?
Speaker 1:you got a group of rambunctious, hungry, energetic kids running all around the place. Adults really don't like going to other kids' birthday parties anyway, so you don't want there to be, chaos with other parents either. So if you want, it to flow. We kind of have to divide and conquer. So, if I'm doing something like a birthday party, I'm planning that out a month in advance. What does the room look like?
Speaker 1:What does the environment look like so I can get in and out? Can I set up? Can I decorate? Do I have to move tables?
Speaker 1:Do I need to do so this time around because I've gotten that practice and experience. I pretty much ordered everything that I wanted. I threw it in the wagon. The day of the party I picked up those cupcakes like that was on the hit list and I rolled into the party with this big, huge, giant wagon, all the kids and we did like a party at Fundipo. All the kids went and played and did games and rides and like maybe after an hour my husband sent me a text like you rolled in here with the wagon an hour ago and I haven't seen you. Where are you, what are you doing? And when he, I sent him a picture and I'm like I'm in the party room setting up. We're almost done. He just text back. Wow, I didn't even know they let you in when you see a mom at a birthday party with a wagon full of stuff like she is.
Speaker 1:She is on a mission. They are not going to tell that lady. No, with this big grand wagon full of stuff and all the staff, like they would come and peep in the room to see what I was doing, like, oh my gosh, this is so cool. The theme was one piece. So they were like it's a one piece party. Oh, this is so cool, oh, this is so. So you know, they were young or they were like teenagers helping out and pretty much I don't even think my son. Of course he didn't catch it. His friends didn't catch it. They just knew they showed up to a party, they got some wristbands, they got to play like crazy and when they got hungry, and thirsty.
Speaker 2:Stage right, stage left.
Speaker 1:But that was just a kid's birthday party and I am not that person. We don't do those extravagant, I'm pretty sure. Like the birthday parties that you might plan, this isn't even on that level.
Speaker 2:But just think about it Now. How much did you lose in watching your son have fun? Oh yeah, I didn't see him at all.
Speaker 1:Oh no, that wasn't. See, see him and so it's a blur to you.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that was a blur to you and that's the problem. You know like, literally, I was going to plan my Val Renewal and then all of a sudden I started saying, oh, I'm not having fun right now.
Speaker 1:Yeah, exactly Because.
Speaker 2:I'm not, it wasn't. I was actually doing everything that I wanted and I was like, but I don't want to think, yeah, I don't want to think about this, yeah. And so I literally was hiring a planner for myself. You know what I mean? Because I didn't want to plan it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and it's like that, but I'm starting to notice it. I don't know. That's like the reoccurring thing to life right now. Either you're going to take the time to do it yourself, yeah, or you're going to spend the money to have somebody do it for you so you can enjoy that time, so you're either going to spend your time or you're going to spend your money, but you cannot have both.
Speaker 1:That has been like the common theme, so I am so glad we had.
Speaker 1:I feel like this is a life coaching session instead of like an interview.
Speaker 1:But before we wrap things up, I just want to know, because I feel like you've shared so much experience with all of us on the show this time around and it seems like it's been so many tips and like gems that you have given us from like the parenting side of things and the business side of things. I feel like this interview was definitely twofold and you've given us like parenting advice and strategies that you have used that works, and then you've also given us information on like the business side of things that have worked and kind of like your experience and the do's or don'ts. So just kind of let us know in general and this is a little different from what we normally do on the show but just kind of fill us in like where are you now in life, what are the plans or some of the goals that you have for yourself, some of the goals that you have for your family, and give us a little insight as to what that looks like for you.
Speaker 2:Okay. So, career wise, I'm thinking about going back to school and basically pursuing probably a degree in human resources, because I like dealing with people on any level, whether they mad, sad, hurt, passed on. I basically like to be more of. I could be a behind the scenes helper or I could be an upfront scenes helper. So that's where my career path is now taking me. I do believe that I am in my forever work environment, but if I move up in the human resources area with the district, I'm okay with that too. But I just like the feel of working with people, so it's like a catch 22. I got to figure out if I'm going to move maneuver in that way.
Speaker 2:Family goal wise, I plan well, now that my son is 18, and he's going to be graduating, I plan to do a little bit more traveling, going to more concerts and enjoying life. They can either get on board or they don't. I do want to go back to Sunday dinners because, with them being older, I want them to have something to come back to and just share and just have a moment that we used to have, like right now I can cook, and then sometimes I don't cook. It's like, oh, fast, food it up, but I think that, you know, creating the atmosphere back as to a one unit is something that I'm really trying to move forward to, and, as far as my business, I am really and truly thinking about just taking a break while I'm in school.
Speaker 2:If I come back strong, I come back strong. The one thing about businesses is that the more you talk about yourself, you keep yourself in a limelight, and I haven't been talking about myself lately, so it's been real interesting to see that people are still reaching out and connecting with me, even though I haven't advertised I haven't, I don't have a social media for my business right now. I've been basically letting go a little bit by little bit, but the only reason why I'm doing it right now is I'm in transition. I just turned 40 and well, in April I turned 40. And, health wise, I've been taking a little bit of a turn because I'm always on the go. So just taking more time out for myself, enjoying life and doing things my way for change, that's my direction and that's what I look forward to right now.
Speaker 1:Okay, and do you think life experience has brought you to this point and doing things your way? Or do you feel like, because your kids are older, now you can kind of explore a little bit more on your own?
Speaker 2:Both. Life has made me definitely say to myself you've always catered to other people, even when you didn't want to cater, and life is also telling me that you don't have to cater as much because they should be self-sufficient if you did what you did, if you did what you were supposed to do. So I put myself on a bad burner with a lot of things and now I just feel like why should I now? Like there's no reason to? You know, I'm good.
Speaker 1:Okay, I like that, I love that actually I hear a lot of moms who put themselves on the back burner for the sake of family, kids, marriage and things like that. So it's awesome to hear that now you feel like you can pass the baton to them and let them kind of carry the torch a little bit and you're not completely just throwing them out in the streets on their own because you know they're 18 and 20.
Speaker 1:It sounds like you're still guiding them and doing some hand holding, but you've afforded yourself the opportunity to have enough freedom to tap back into yourself, and I feel like a lot of moms know that that's something that needs to be done, but a lot of the times they don't know how to do it or what that looks like, or when to do it, or how to be about themselves and still care for their family.
Speaker 1:So it's nice to hear that we have someone here who's kind of striking the balance, because you're still present, you're still mom, you still have a way of factoring in that quality time with your family, but now you can really take care of yourself, and I feel like a lot of moms need that, but there aren't a lot of sources or resources out there to help you do that.
Speaker 1:And then you've also touched on a huge part which I always talk about in every episode the financial piece, because I feel like social media will put out so many things that have you just thinking about motherhood and self care and self help and all of these different resources, but it becomes so expensive and I feel like you have given us so many ideas and so many creative ways to be resourceful and work with what you have to get your kids where they need to be, to get your family where it needs to be, and it sounds like nobody's suffering, nobody's missing out on anything. You have afforded your family was so many invaluable experiences that they're going to be able to take with them. So thank you so much. I think that is so amazing what you were doing, and I had no idea the things that you do entail so much. So thank you so much for just giving more insight, sharing your story on this platform, and just thank you for your time. I I this was awesome. I know we did a different format. I think this was successful.
Speaker 1:I'm so happy with the information that we gather, and I'm just looking forward to just seeing what comes next for you and what you was in store for you. I appreciate it.
Speaker 2:I appreciate you having me and I look forward to more for shitty moms episodes, because it's awesome, because, you know, different experiences afford you different opportunities to grow and I'm okay with that. I'm definitely okay with that. It's an open platform that, I think, is awesome for a lot of moms. We, we cry in silence and this is kind of like our way of saying, hey, yeah, we're crying, but we are okay now and you know, someone else is there with me and it's okay, because we realize that we're a community all in our in our own self. So, yeah, I love it.
Speaker 1:Absolutely.
Speaker 2:Keep doing what you're doing too, thank you, and power yourself. You're welcome.
Speaker 1:Thank you so much. All right, have a good one.
Speaker 2:Thank you, you too, bye, bye.
Speaker 1:Hey, everyone is your favorite BCB AD here, dr DeLoren, and I'm here to ask you to help us continue making great content for listeners everywhere by visiting www.4shittymomscom, where you can make a monthly contribution. Also visit us on Instagram, youtube, facebook and TikTok at 4 shitty moms and that shitty with an X, not an. I Thank you.