The Whole Shebang

54. How To Stand Out and Attract The Right People (Personally and Professionally)

• Jennifer Briggs • Season 1 • Episode 54

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Trying to be all things to all people in the name of "casting a wide net" is exhausting. Sharing the same old 20-point value proposition to attract talent to your business, is not working anymore for a reason. You're likely either lacking clarity on the depth of your uniqueness and true value, or your not communicating that clearly... or both.

In business, in dating, in friendship and in ALL of life,  learning how to stand out also requires knowing sometimes we won't fit in. Today's minibang gives you a practical exercise to gain clarity on your unique value so that you can attract the right people into your world! 

I hope this feels supportive to you, and propels you to becoming more of who you are! 

xx - Jen

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Speaker 1:

and you can't be you and still belong. You're faced with a tough choice, which is am I willing to let this thing go in order for me to be really in alignment with who I am and evolve and grow? I believe wholeheartedly, on the other side of those tough decisions is your greatest joy, your greatest strength, your greatest success, those things that you desire, that you don't want to let go of. I believe there's a new, brighter, better version on the other side of the tough decision that you have to make. My name is Jen Briggs, and welcome to the Whole Shebang where, on Mondays, you get what else but a mini bang. These short episodes are really meant to meet you where you're at, to help you set an intention or focus for the week, to consider a perspective that maybe you haven't before and to answer the most common questions that not only propelled my personal and professional growth, but the best of the best I see around me. This is where we unbecome shedding the layers and the old ways that aren't serving us anymore, and where we continue becoming, stepping into and magnifying more of who you really are and who you're meant to be. So buckle up buttercups we're diving in. I've got a fun one for you today. This is pretty practical, but also really powerful.

Speaker 1:

We're talking today about how to stand out in a crowd and how to attract the right people. I used this over years and years coaching hundreds of people in terms of really distilling down what our values are, turning them into belief statements, communicating that in everything that we're doing. And what that does is two things it magnetizes the people that are in alignment with those values and beliefs and it does weed out people who are not in alignment with those values and beliefs. If we want to be all things to all people, we will not stand out. You've probably heard it said that if you want to fit in, you won't stand out. If you want to stand out, you can't fit in. So we're going to create some boldness by getting really clear for you on what your most core values are.

Speaker 1:

Now I'm not just talking about, like, I value faith or a value of something that is really broad. I'm going to say we're going to get down a little bit more specific, because this is about you also identifying your uniqueness. Most of us value treating people with kindness, but what is, what are the things about you that make you really unique? So one of the ways we can do this is, um, by self-reflection, obviously, and asking some questions. So I'm going to start by giving you some questions that maybe, when you have a little bit more time, you can save this podcast and sit down with a journal and a pen and reflect on this, take some time and write, or maybe you're out taking a walk and just consider some of these questions for yourself.

Speaker 1:

So, first of all, there are two questions that Steve Jobs always asked people. The first one is what brings you joy or what lights you up, and that for some people, I know, can be really tricky. For some of you, you're lacking in joy and maybe partially because you're out of alignment actually. So, if you right now are like man, there's not a lot that is really lighting me up. I want you to think back, maybe all the way even to childhood, and ask yourself what were some of the peak experiences in my life, what was happening during that experience, and describe the scene, because as you start describing it, you might realize what about the scene? Brought you a lot of joy or what about the scenario.

Speaker 1:

So, for me, if I look back at experiences like that, it's almost always a group of people that I really love and in that I can see this pattern of oh. These peak experiences in my life were often in a group of people and there was an energy and a buzz about the room and to me, I can see the value there of community. So it wasn't just about. I like to have fun If you start going a few levels deeper and asking, well, what about that? Did I appreciate it? What about that did I love? What about that did I really lit me up. You can dig a couple layers deeper and say, oh, it's a sense of community, it's a sense of belonging, it's a sense of sharing experience, sharing wisdom. There might be some really unique things in there. So that's a question number one what brings you joy? And then, what experiences have you had? And then, what about those experiences do you see throughout life?

Speaker 1:

Um, a deeper question, the one that Steve jobs would ask, is what makes your heart sing? So I don't want to fill in the blank for you. When you ask yourself that question, I would encourage you to actually, if you can, close your eyes. There's something really true about us taking a few deep breaths too. That brings our parasympathetic system online and helps us to connect to our subconscious mind. So a lot of this I would do with some free writing exercise for you too. If you're feeling a little bit like I don't know, you can just ground yourself, center yourself, take a few deep breaths and ask the question again and start writing, or just see what images or words just pop up in your mind. Let your subconscious mind bring the truth of that forward. So what makes your heart sing? Some other reflections that you can do is ask what makes your heart hurt or what makes your heart sing. Some other reflections that you can do is ask what makes your heart hurt or what makes you really angry, and maybe think about some scenarios.

Speaker 1:

On the flip side of that angry coin is a value. So I get very angry when people in positions of power abuse their authority. That's a heavy one, I know, but I have a value beneath that. I have a belief beneath that that we are all worthy to be treated with full humanness and that I also believe that leadership is a responsibility, not a right. It is a stewardship, not a lording over. So in that thing that makes me really angry, I can see several values as I start to peel back specific scenarios or what about? The scenario was frustrating or what about the scenario was hurtful. So you can ask what makes me angry? And then it's important that you flip that coin over and then ask well, what is the value or what is the belief? So, in that same scenario, if I'm just using that same example for myself, when I see people in positions of leadership just given titles, sort of lording that over people or not making room for people to speak and share their share, their beliefs, their opinions, the belief that I have is that we all have a right to be heard and have a voice. So I can start to again find the value.

Speaker 1:

And then the next step that I want to talk about is part two to this. So once you start identifying the things that you value, and then I would turn them into belief statements. So if I value community, what I want to do is turn that into a statement that starts with I believe so in this, this. The way that I formulated this in coaching was in part through the book Start With why by Simon Sinek. You can Google his. There's like an 18 minute TED talk that Simon Sinek does and he talks about starting with why and those that why is really a belief statement?

Speaker 1:

So when we communicate first what we believe, we become very attractional and repelling which is what we want, right? So if you're looking to build a business and attract talent and you have the same value proposition that everybody else and their mom has, that's not very attractional. It's like, yeah, I get it, you're a restaurant and you serve food, but what kind of food and what's the experience going to be like? The more specific that you can get you know I serve upscale Indian fusion, something food you will repel people who want hamburgers that night. You will attract people who want some kind of experience. So if you want to stand out, you can't fit in and doing that is going to require getting really specific.

Speaker 1:

So when you start with what you believe in, in what you're communicating, that actually, um, communicates to the more subconscious part of our brains. So it connects people with people's feeling, intuition. And that's when people are like I don't know, I just felt like I needed to work with them or I felt like I needed to explore it. It's because you're communicating from a higher vibrational place that becomes very attractional and again repelling. And I'm going to get to that whole repelling thing in just a minute, so let's zero in on how to turn it into a belief statement.

Speaker 1:

So, if I value community, what is it that I believe about community? What is it about community that I value? I personally believe that we are designed by the laws of nature to be in community with one another and that when we're all fully functioning at our best version of ourself whatever that is like on any given day the ecosystem that is community works in harmony, works so much better, is so much more fine-tuned than when we have a biological ecosystem that is out of order. So we all rise, we all do better when we are in community with one another, because that is how we're designed to be. So that now that's like a long. I could boil that down into a really quick sentence.

Speaker 1:

But when I'm, you know, putting together a workshop, or when I'm talking about building a team and I'm thinking that maybe I'll build my business on events as an example, I want to attract people that value community. There are some people that really value being alone and honing in on details, and and it's not that they disvalue community but it might not be their highest priority in the sense of how they want to spend time and what they want to elevate. So again, we want to get really specific on that Now, as you do that, you write out these belief statements and then I would use that in your marketing. Or if you're on dating apps, you can use some of those belief statements or noting your values and putting that out there your values. And putting that out there, it can feel scary because you're limiting I even hesitate to say the word limiting it can feel like you're limiting the potential of what you can draw in. The reality is you are and I know I keep saying this, but we want to do that. If I'm hiring for a position, I don't really want 300 people to apply because it feels like anybody can be a fit. That's a lot of interviewing to do, that's a lot of weeding through. That I have to do later on. But if I can weed through on the front end and help people see that we're not in alignment, it's less work later and it just feels better. So this applies to every area of our life. Okay, then this gets to the third point.

Speaker 1:

When we are repelling people, I think that we all have this primal, really hardwired need to belong. It's Maslow's hierarchy of needs safety, love, belonging, right. Is that the three in the right order? And we're afraid that we'll be cast out of the tribe. Way back from Neanderthal days, we wanted to do everything we could to fit in and to belong thing we could to fit in and to belong, because if we were cast out of the tribe we would die, we wouldn't survive. So that is so hardwired into our DNA. Now, thankfully, we have evolved since then. We've developed a limbic brain and a prefrontal cortex and now we're evolving, I believe, beyond that on these higher vibrational quantum physics levels. And so we can begin overriding that by understanding that we're not going to die if we don't fit in.

Speaker 1:

And I had what can feel. It feels like a little bit of a rude awakening when the question that we're subconsciously always asking is can I be me and still belong? The rude awakening is and I'm saying this with so much love the answer is sometimes no. And that can feel really scary because you might even be in a relationship right now. That can feel really scary because you might even be in a relationship right now, a romantic relationship, where it's time to get clear on some of your values and clear on some of your beliefs and as you get clear on that and you start prioritizing that in your life, you might find that you don't belong in that relationship anymore. You might find that you don't belong in that job or that community, and it might not even be at the cost of something else or because somebody else isn't living up to anything.

Speaker 1:

It might just be a misalignment, that you're not in the right ecosystem anymore, that you've outgrown something that isn't growing with you and if our nature is to evolve and you're in a situation that is keeping you from doing that and you can't be you and still belong, you're faced with a tough choice, which is am I willing to let this thing go in order for me to be really in alignment with who I am and evolve and grow and contribute to the ecosystem that is our society? I believe wholeheartedly, on the other side of those tough decisions is your greatest joy, your greatest strength, your greatest success, and you will still find all of the things, those things that you desire, that you don't want to let go of. I believe there's a new, brighter, better version on the other side of the tough decision that you have to make, which may be saying I don't belong here anymore I can't be me and still belong, and that is like heartbreaking sometimes. Still belong, and that is like heartbreaking sometimes. Um, I I often feel like heartbreak isn't really a break, it's expansion, and when our heart breaks at the letting go of something, it is making room and expanding for our own, our own expansion, our own evolution. Um, yeah, I didn't expect this mini bang to go here, to be honest, but I'm definitely feeling that really, um deeply in me right now that that this line of um growth for you is one get clear on your values. Two, start expressing them in your beliefs, whether it's actual statements in your marketing or it's in conversation with your partner that you begin to express, exude, live, breathe out the beliefs that you have.

Speaker 1:

That, in that, there might be for some of you, some tough decisions to make and, honestly, the decisions might just happen, life might just happen. As you begin to shed skins and grow, some of that just falls away, naturally. The question is are you willing to let it fall away or will you hold on or try to remain small enough to stay? I'm distrusting the way these conversations go sometimes, or I should call it a monologue, but it feels like I'm having a conversation with you. It's almost like I can hear some of you on the other end of this, or some of your hearts breaking a little bit, knowing that there's truth here for you. And what feels really lovely to me is that I'm speaking this feeling the truth of it, not knowing what your story is and not even being able to bring my biased opinion to your specific scenario, and trusting that, wherever the truth is in anything that you've just heard, it's your discernment, it's your truth, it's in you, it's applying it to however, it's resonating with you and your intuition and your knowing and how you walk that out in your life.

Speaker 1:

I was just reflecting with a friend this morning on this reality that one of the things that's driving me to do this is that I really want and believe that it's possible for all of us to live lives that light us up. Yeah, we need that. Our society needs that. Our ecosystem needs all of us functioning in our uniqueness. So maybe I'll bring it back full circle there.

Speaker 1:

This is not about otherness. This is not about when we get clear on our values and clear on our beliefs. This is not about saying I'm better than you or I am other, I am separate from you. This is about actually seeing that when we dial in our uniqueness, we are intricately connected in a oneness that allows us to all fire on all cylinders, and so this isn't just like, ooh, we need your glitter and sunshine, cause that feels good. Our natural design as a community, as an ecosystem, as a society, in any relationship, really does need us all to function in our uniqueness, to function at its highest. Us all to function in our uniqueness, to function at its highest.

Speaker 1:

But also this is the paradox like I like to hold these two things in the same, hold these two beliefs at the same time, which is that this is for the evolution of our community, but this is also for your joy. It's for your, but this is also for your joy. It's for your livelihood and liveliness. It's for an enlivened what's the word? I'm looking for An enriched and enlivened way of being.

Speaker 1:

So if you're worried about if this is selfish, you can lean on the belief that this is for the good of the whole. Selfish, you can lean on the belief that this is for the good of the whole. And if you don't think about yourself often and you only think about what can I do for other people, I think it's really imperative that you understand that it's okay. It's good, it's more than okay. It's good for you to live a life that feels nourishing, whole and alignment with who you are. Both of those things can be true, all right.

Speaker 1:

So for this week, I would love for you to carve out some time and sit down with those questions and if you've done it before, it's probably great to do it again and assess how have you evolved and has any of that shifted or changed for you? Once you get clear on those values and beliefs, ask if there's anywhere in your life you're holding back from living that out. You could even rate on a scale of one to 10, 10 being. I am living this loud. Where are you on that scale? If you're at a six, why is that? What's holding you back? How can you communicate those belief statements? How can you live them in your life? All right, have a banging day, thank you.

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Jen Briggs

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