Reclaiming Life After 15 Years of Addiction with Chelsea Williams

Welcome to another episode of Breakfast of Choices. I’m your host Jo Summers, and today I'm joined by a very special guest, Chelsea Williams. Chelsea is here to share her powerful story of addiction and recovery in the hopes of offering hope and encouragement to others.

Chelsea gets right into sharing the raw details of her journey. She started with typical gateway drugs like weed and alcohol in her teens, but quickly realized she had a problem when she couldn't stop like her peers. This led her down a dark path of opioid addiction that lasted over 15 years. Chelsea held nothing back as she recounted hitting absolute rock bottom multiple times, including watching her boyfriend overdose in front of her multiple times.

Through it all, Chelsea neglected her family and children in pursuit of her next high. She described the shame and guilt she felt, yet she couldn't stop using these substances. Chelsea's story took many tragic turns, including multiple arrests and losing custody of her children. Yet through it all, she found the strength in continuing her journey to recovery.

Chelsea now has over 8 years of continuous sobriety. She credits her support system and faith in helping her turn her life around. Chelsea now works in addiction treatment and is opening a sober living home for women called Sober Vibes. Her goal is to help others find the hope she has.

It was truly inspiring to listen to Chelsea's journey of going from rock bottom to rock solid. Her raw honesty and message of hope will stay with me and I hope with all of you who listen. 

Visit: https://sobervibes.net/

From Rock Bottom to Rock Solid.

We all have them...every single day, we wake up, we have the chance to make new choices.

We have the power to make our own daily, "Breakfast of Choices"

Resources and ways to connect:

Facebook: Jo Summers
Instagram: @Summersjol
Facebook Support: Chance For Change Women’s circle

National suicide prevention and crisis, hotline number 988

National domestic violence hotline:
800–799–7233

National hotline for substance abuse, and addiction:
844–289–0879

National mental health hotline:
866–903–3787

National child health and child abuse hotline:
800–422–4454

CoDa.org
12. Step recovery program for codependency.

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:07

Welcome to Breakfast of Choices, the weekly podcast that shares life stories of transformation. Each episode holds space for people to tell their true, raw and unedited story of overcoming intense adversity from addiction and incarceration, mental illness, physical and emotional abuse, domestic violence, toxic families, codependency and more. Trauma comes in so many forms. I'm your host, Jo Summers, and also someone who hit my lowest point before realizing that I could wake up every day and make a better choice, even if it was a small one. So let's dive into this week's story together to learn from and find hope through someone's journey from rock bottom to rock solid, Because I really do believe you have a new chance every day to wake up and make a change, to create your own. Breakfast of Choices.

Speaker 2: 1:09

Good morning, Welcome to the Breakfast of Choices podcast real-life stories of transformation from rock bottom to rock solid.

Speaker 2: 1:18

I'm your host, jo Summers and today I have with me Chelsea Williams. I first heard Chelsea speak at a Mix and Mingle marketing group in Oklahoma City. Chelsea spoke about her new non-profit Sober Vibes and she will tell us about that as well, as she spoke about the company she works for now called Alia Health, and if you or someone you know needs treatment, please contact Chelsea directly at 405-215-7104. When I heard Chelsea speak, I had an immediate reaction that I needed to connect with her. I invited her to meet for coffee and I am completely inspired by her purpose and mission, how she's shown up to help others and give back in the recovery world and how she continues to do so.

Speaker 2: 2:06

Chelsea's story is definitely raw and it's real. She will take us through her years of addiction, the ups and downs and how several times she thought it was her rock bottom. Addiction isn't sugar-coated and Chelsea tells it how it is. And Chelsea tells it how it is. Chelsea has amazing heart and amazing fight and I am proud to know her and grateful she's still here to share her story today. Welcome to Breakfast of Choices. Good morning. I am here with Chelsea Williams and I'm just going to let Chelsea get right to it and tell her story today. Hi.

Speaker 3: 2:44

Glad to have you Glad to be here. I'm a little nervous, so bear with me.

Speaker 2: 2:50

That's okay. We're just two friends chatting here today. That's all it's about. Just like in recovery, we share our stories. Right, it's just me and you sitting here hanging out sharing stories.

Speaker 2: 3:00

Yeah, so you just want like how it was real, the raw, however you want to tell it, and as much as you want to share the whole premise. Chelsea is really to be able to show people that you can be at rock bottom and become rock solid, and by telling our stories, that offers hope and encouragement for others. Right, yeah, you never know when someone's going to hear that one little thing that sticks, and maybe it's today, right, right?

Speaker 3: 3:28

Yeah. So I do like to keep it pretty raw, just because this is my history and you know, addiction isn't sugarcoated in any way, especially when you're living it. It's not, you know butterflies and rainbows, and so I do like to take people there, because this is the reality, this is a life or death disease and I so badly want people to make it out of the valley like I have. So when I got started with drugs and alcohol, I started with the typical gateway drugs, you know, weed and alcohol. So when I did both of these I would, you know, drink to the extreme. So I was the only one that was, you know, throwing up in the back room and you know, everybody else could make it hours and they could make it throughout the night and be able to go home, and I, for some reason, wanted more and more until I would black out or throw up all night.

Speaker 3: 4:36

And it never really registered to me that maybe I'm different because I was raised in a great home, I was given everything, and so I oftentimes, you know, still gosh. I still think that I'm special and that, you know, growing up I didn't think rules applied to me and it was the same. It was worse throughout my addiction, because I never thought that I would get arrested. I never thought that I would put a needle in my arm. I never thought that I would be homeless because of this. So, as it progressed, I discovered pain pills for the first time, and from there it just snowballed and I could not live without it. There's something about that drug that registered with my brain that I like who I am when I'm on this. I like that I have this warmth about me. I like that I can breathe. I like that I just don't care about anything. And so and it was a boyfriend that introduced me to it these dang relationships, right.

Speaker 2: 5:43

It's always a fan, right? Just kidding. Just kidding. How old were you when you started? How old were you?

Speaker 3: 5:51

so drinking and everything. I was about 16 and it wasn't very often. But you know, like I said, you know when I would do, when I would drink or smoke, I mean I would go hard, and so much so that I just I still, like you know, I gag when I think of, you know, jack Daniels, wine coolers or whatever, because that's, you know, I don't know. And so, gosh, and I was about 19 or 20 when I tried pain pills or was introduced to those, and so it progressed. So I didn't really necessarily, you know, I would take them, take the pills, and I didn't like how long it took to get to that point of feeling the effects of it. And then. So then I discovered, you know you can snort it, and so so then I discovered, you know you can snort it. And so, yeah, several times I told my boyfriend no, no, I don't want to do that. I don't want to do that Because, you know, in school we were taught dare and, you know, wanted the same, and you know. And so I thought that I was going to do the right thing and say no to this. So eventually I gave in and tried snorting. It was Oxycontin for the first time, so it went from Lortab to Oxycontin and then that just kind of blew my mind the effects that gave me. And so from that day forward it was, it began to be more and more and then it was an everyday thing. So before I knew it I was in so deep I did not know how to help myself. So I remember calling my boyfriend at the time and you know I told him, you know, I feel I think I got the flu, I'm just hot and cold and I just don't feel well. And he said, no, that sounds like you're withdrawing. And it took me back because I'm like withdrawing, what is that? That can't be me. And you know, sure enough he said you know, go take this methadone that I have on the fridge, that I have stashed on the fridge. And sure enough, I felt better. And from that day forward there was not a day that I did not put some kind of opiate in my body for the next 15 years.

Speaker 3: 8:17

So as that progressed, you know I began lying to my family. I gave up my animals. So I had a dog that she was my wife and you know I let my parents take her and take care of her and I was never around and I was spending the night at his house all the time, never coming home, and my parents began to not recognize their daughter anymore. I was always hateful and in a bad mood and I was charging up the credit cards that I had and it was just spiraling out of control. And pretty soon I got pregnant and I was still using. When I got pregnant and even though I was 23 years old, I still felt like a child and didn't know how to take care of myself, much less another human being, and you know my brain was still fixated on I got to use that drug. That's the only thing that makes me feel better and can escape, and you know I don't care about anything else, but I'm going to, you know, keep putting this in my body and whatever else anybody would hand me just to escape reality.

Speaker 3: 9:30

And so my son. He was born with withdrawals and he was known as the fussy baby of the hospital and they could not wait to discharge him and get him out of there because he just would not stop crying, because he was in pain and you know it was a good six months before I could put that baby down and because he would just cry and cry. And we were staying with my mom at that point and I remember just handing him to her, often saying take him before I do something I'm going to regret, Because I was so agitated, I was out of it from taking him, you know, just being in, sit back and enjoy my high and not have to worry about a screaming, Because where that disease takes you, it takes you to where you give up everything that you love. So there was a time when my son was a year old at that point and my boyfriend and I got our tax return money and we went and bought a bottle of pills all at once, a bottle of Oxycontin, and we were injecting it at this point and living at my mom's, the third floor of her house, and he would go first and then he would always, you know, hit me, you know, or I could get my fix. And so this one particular evening he had everything laid out and prepped his shot and, you know, did what he had to do and before I know it, he is, you know, on the ground seizing. So he had an overdose.

Speaker 3: 11:22

And this isn't the first time this has happened. So this is like the probably the third or fourth time I saw him seized in front of me and so but it's like every time he would seize, it always take him longer and longer to come back to me, and so I just held him and on my mom, at my mom's house, she could hear every footstep, everything that went on upstairs. And that's where we were. Because there was no carpet, we just kind of painted the wood to make it look, I guess, pleasing, and so I was holding him and then he began to come back to me and as he did, he could not recognize me. He didn't know where he was, he didn't know who I was, but he was in panic mode for some reason, and so he began to run around this third floor and every time he tried to stand up he'd fall, and when he'd fall I'd scream. For one, I didn't want my mother hearing it, and two, I was worried that he was going to hurt himself.

Speaker 3: 12:20

And so he's running around and he's knocking stuff off the wall and glasses crashing down, and I hear my mother banging at. He's knocking stuff off the wall and glasses crashing down, and I hear my mother banging at the door because we had locked the door, and so by this time he was in the corner by a window, and these were little windows, so I didn't think anything of it and I went, so I locked the door for my mom and as I'm doing that, I can see him out of the corner of my eye and he's opened up the window and he's perched in this window and he's jumping from the third floor, and so I run over there and I remember grabbing his hand, thinking this is the last time I'm going to see this man and he has a son that he's never going to see, or you. You know, all these future memories that I would love to have, that every woman deserves, will not be because he's going to fall to his death right now. And so, as I'm holding on to him, he's slipping and in the process it rips his pinky and a little bit of his other finger as I'm trying desperately to hang on to him, and he ends up falling and when he falls he lands on his knee and he lands lands on this chair three stories down and he hits his face and shatters his knee and shatters his elbow and his face looks like a bulldog, like it's smashed in and out, and out of reflex he tries to get up and try to act normal, while everybody's crowded around him like, don't move. But you know, when he falls, I'm thinking, ok, he's gone, you know what just happened.

Speaker 3: 14:06

But before I can really process anything I'm thinking, okay, so I know that the cops are going to show up, and so I got to do what I can, and I've got to hide my stash so I can cope with this later. So instead of looking down that third floor and making sure he's alive or dead or you know how bad a shape he's in, I'm thinking I've got to do what I need to do to make sure I can get through this. So I go hide the spoon, the needles and the pills and put them away, so that you know the cops won't take them and I'll have something to rely on or fall back on. And so they take him to the IC unit and he's in there for three weeks or so. In the meantime, while he's at the hospital, the cops show up and try to investigate an attempted murder or attempted homicide for me and this is someone who's never been in trouble with the law at this point and so eventually they figure out that I could not have physically picked this man up and put him through the window and pushed him. So they end up, you know, dropping that.

Speaker 3: 15:18

But while my boyfriend is in the hospital, his jaw's wired shut, he has a tracheotomy in there so he can breathe, and you know they thought that he was going to lose sight of his left eye because the orbit around his skull was so smashed and so he has a lot of scars. And I remember going to the hospital and breaking up all this Oxycontin and mixing it up with his insurer and like squeezing it into his mouth, because when he landed he also lost a tooth. It popped out and actually went through the bottom part of his lip and still has a scar like that today. But yeah, I would just push the Oxycontin in there because the morphine drip he was on wasn't strong enough, so he was withdrawing in the hospital on freaking names. It's kind of give you an idea of how much we were using a day. And so you would think that would be enough for me to say take a step back and really look at my life and what's going on and how.

Speaker 3: 16:22

This was not the life I projected to go and instead, you know that was my first attempt at treatment. So after that, you know, I had CPS show up at my door wanting to take my child, and I had already signed over guardianship of him. And so I went to treatment for my mother not for me, not for my kids. I went so I would, you know, be able to keep that relationship with her. And so my boyfriend went to treatment as well. I sold my jet ski to get him in, and so he got his treatment in Oklahoma.

Speaker 3: 17:01

And as I began to break free of addiction, I started to like who I was and I started to gain some independence. But then, you know, I started losing interest in the sobriety and paying more attention to the relationships or the men that were showing me attention. And so, instead of focusing on what I need to do as a mother and, you know, get my life together I was focusing on that next high, aka a relationship. And so at one point, you know, I was juggling that relationship and then my previous boyfriend. I couldn't decide who I wanted and anyway I stayed in sober living probably a month, thinking that I was only an addict and I could drink, and I ended up stealing alcohol from liquor stores and stealing DVDs I'm dating myself DVDs from Target and getting banned from all the Targets in Texas and I ended up getting pregnant again.

Speaker 3: 18:07

And so I moved back to Oklahoma and continued the relationship with my previous boyfriend and then the, you know, when I got pregnant again, I was thinking, okay, this is my next start at being a parent again.

Speaker 3: 18:24

You know, I lost that one, but now I'm going to retain custody of this one and I'll show everybody who's talking trash about me and says that I can't be a good mother. I'll show them. And so the spiraling continues. We bounce from, you know, apartment to people's couches, to our car, and, you know, once again my child was born with withdrawals. So I was on Subutex or Suboxone and I just could not kick that last milligram. And so he was born with withdrawals again, and so they kept a watch on him. And then I, you know, again put everything I could in my body because I just wanted to escape of me. And when I got pregnant, this that second time, I mean my brothers would call me a whore and they would, you know, just make me feel horrible about getting pregnant again when I couldn't take care of my first son. And you go is my first son little.

Speaker 2: 19:23

Then you get that cycle of guilt and shame and you're trying not to use and you have so much guilt and you have so much shame and someone that has not been in that cycle before just doesn't really understand the mental capacity or the mental issues that you're going through at a time like that right issues that you're going through at a time like that, right, and it just made me scared to come out of my mother's room because I would carry pillows over my stomach.

Speaker 3: 19:54

And you know, finally I was just like give me everything. And you know, stealing my grandmother's medication when she was on her deathbed, pawning my grandmother's gold. That should have been family heirlooms are now melted and gone forever. And but again, again, that's where it takes us. I had to get my fix. I was writing hot checks or fake check 14 checks from my mother's business. You know, every other day going to the mailbox and taking that bank statement to Kinko's and adjusting it and resealing the envelope and putting it back. I mean the links that we go to. It's insanity. And I mean addicts and alcoholics are some of the most brilliant people I've ever met.

Speaker 2: 20:40

I say it on, I say that all the time. It's like the creativity and the, just the things that you go through to get where you need to get. If you use that all that time to propel yourself, where would we be right? It's just crazy, it really is 100%.

Speaker 3: 21:00

And so I think, where everything started, really like the motion of my new beginning started taking shape, or really the focus of my story began the day that I left my three-year-old home alone. So, I gosh, my boyfriend and I were up for days doing opiates and ecstasy and benzos and all of the different things, and so we take more Xanax, you know, to help calm down, and just ended up not sleeping for days, and so we get the bright idea to go to Walmart. So we were staying at my mom's physical therapy clinic. That's no longer in business. We, you know, I forged so many checks, I put her out of business and so she was letting me stay at this physical therapy clinic out there, and they've now torn the building down, but it had, you know, no hot water and it would flood when it rained. And you know I remember taking giving my son and my three-year-old baths in a bucket and I had to heat up the warm water in the microwave and be able to bathe him when I felt like it. You know he didn't get a regular bath and he would run around in a dirty diaper because, you know, I was too sick or selfish to change him. And he, on top of all of that, he was such a happy baby and so I got the bright idea to go to Walmart. I got the bright idea to go to Walmart and we left him in that place sleeping, and this was next to a drug motel, so they'd throw needles over the fence and you know, it was just a bad neighborhood, and the fact that we left him home alone at three years old still, you know, is very unnerving today.

Speaker 3: 22:54

And anyway, when I'm on Xanax, for some reason I love to steal that is just my mo, and so you know. And steal from walmart of all places, where you're sure to get caught, it was like stupid. But anyone like putting all this stuff in my pants like, oh my god, these socks, I need them. Oh, wow, this makeup, I gotta have that eyeliner. And so I would just stuff it in my pants as if it wasn't creating this big bulge that no one would notice.

Speaker 3: 23:24

And so I got out to the parking lot because my boyfriend was waiting out there for me, because he got tired of roaming around and there's no telling how long I was in there. And I got out to the parking lot and about to get in the car, and this cop pulls up. And so we got called on. Suspicious activity searched me, everything came out of my pants. And then you know that you're in trouble when they say put your hands behind your back or turn around. Put your hands behind your back.

Speaker 3: 23:51

And as I'm sitting in the back of this cop car, I'm pleading with him. You know, you cannot take me to jail. And this is the time where I still thought that people believed me and that I was special and that consequences were not a thing. And so I'm pleading with him, saying you know, there's a babysitter that's there and they're going to leave right now if we don't get home. And then he's going to be home alone and just trying to throw multiple situations at him. And I remember that cop saying sorry and then just slamming the door and then just me sitting there alone with my thoughts of how am I going to get out of this?

Speaker 3: 24:32

And so they took my boyfriend as well, because he was, you know, clearly intoxicated. And so that's what they held us there. And then, you know, I finally said you know my son is home alone and you know you need to go get him. And so they broke down that door no, not telling like how scared he must have been, because the poor thing was scared of everything. And so they got him and my mother went and picked him up and is now taking care of my second child. And so, as I'm doing that, I'm sitting in the jail cell not knowing what's happening to my son, and I'm not thinking of how scared he must have been. I'm not thinking that you know, you really screwed up, chelsea. I'm thinking how can I get out of here so I can go snort a line, and I'll deal with this when I get out. And that didn't happen.

Speaker 3: 25:33

I sat in a jail cell for 24 hours and then they moved me to no, maybe I guess I sat there for 48 hours and at that time they only had me for public in talks and so they held me about 48 hours. I mean, I was like crapping all over myself from the withdraws and just miserable, because we had to take a shower to, you know, make sure we didn't have lice and things, and it was a cold. It was so cold and I was in shorts and anyway I ended up getting out and you know, a month later they ended up arresting us like we were driving through Edmond without a seat belt and that cop does a U-turn right there in the middle of the intersection and you know you're done and it pulls us over, not knowing what to expect. Expect. And I knew my boyfriend was going to jail because you know he's driving without a license, which is the typical thing for drug addicts always. And so I was like all right, you know we're headed to the dealer's house, I'll make sure I'll go over there and I get my fix so I don't't have to withdraw the heck with him. And sure enough, they came to my side and they're like I need you to get out and put trans behind your back. You are being booked on a felony warrant and I was like what?

Speaker 3: 26:47

And sure enough the charges went through of child neglect, and they sent me to the Edmond jail and then transferred me to Oklahoma County where I slept on the floor without a mat because they were out. So my cellies gave me some magazines to lay on and I remember how bad I stunk Like, cause there's something about withdrawing smell that just makes you smell so bad. And so that took about 48 hours in Oklahoma County for them to transfer me and I was sitting in the transfer hall with a handcuff, my arm above my head, and everybody that walked by could smell me and they were like, oh my God, you're a rake that walked by could smell me and they were just like, oh my God, you're a red ink. And you know I didn't care. It was just like. You know, I'm at my lowest right now, yeah, and I just don't care. I just want to feel better, and selfishly, that's where my head was, you know, I want to feel better, not, oh, what have I done? How scared my three-year-old must be.

Speaker 3: 27:57

And so when they transferred me from Oklahoma County to Pot County or Shawnee, you know, when I, when someone introduces themselves from Shawnee, I'm like that's where I got my first bounty. You know just to kind of, when they transferred me, they had my waist shackled to my wrists and then they had my ankles shackled together and it was humiliating because I, you know, on my way to my wrists and then they had my ankles shackled together and it was humiliating because I, you know, on my way to Potts County, they sat there, or they had to make me sit in the the lobby to where they had to pick up a couple other transports. So I sat there with people going in and out, and here I was shackled to the couch with, you know, all these handcuffs on, and so I finally did two weeks in Park County and then, you know, my boyfriend convinced a friend to bail us both out and off to the races we were again. And so fast forward to the last time that I got arrested. We were staying in Norman and the cops got to where they knew our vehicle, like they'd see us driving, and they would pull us over. And so the first time they couldn't find anything. But the second time they pulled us over for whatever I mean, it was something made up, I'm sure. But then again I was high so I could have been driving within the line. I don't know, but I remember them pulling us over and my boyfriend was self-esteem or love. I did what I needed to do with those pills and Pop was right there at my window and said get out of the car. And so once again I heard put your hands behind your back and off.

Speaker 3: 29:50

I went to Cleveland County Jail and I remember sitting in that jail cell and I was charged with controlled and dangerous substance. My boyfriend got off scot-free and I remember sitting in that cell thinking that this is not the life that I dreamed of. This is not the opportunity I was given growing up. This is not. You know, I didn't dream of my career being a criminal and a drug addict. That is the last place I ever thought that I would end up. Addiction is everywhere and it affects people every size, shape, color, gender, and you never know when it's going to cost someone their life?

Speaker 2: 30:46

No, you don't. And that's the one thing about doing this, chelsea, is we're all in this together, right? And the opposite of addiction is connection, right? We hear that in groups and I want people to understand that this isn't just someone else's problem.

Speaker 2: 31:06

Or you know that low life, or that drug addict's problem, or that person, that homeless person, and that person on the corner, this could be your mom, this could be your dad, this could be your grandma, your aunt, your sister, this is everybody, and it is hard. It is hard and you listen to the stories and you listen to the things that people go through and you know people judge, right, people judge. And that's hard because you that's that guilt and shame cycle again, right, and that kind of keeps you using, keeps you down. And what do I do now? What do I do next? Oh, my gosh, it's too much, right, yeah, how your family feels and you know how people are looking at you and there's got to come a time where we just pick people up from where they're at and say it's okay. And what are we going to do next?

Speaker 3: 31:53

yes, you know this is where god comes in full force. It was because of that jail stay that he I got I mean, we've been to jail so many times. We always get some kind of flyers from lawyer offices and things, but it was this one particular one my boyfriend saw and said, you know, on a whim, called him to see what we need to do, for one, about, you know, getting our kids back, and two, this felony that I went through. This last one and this lawyer connected us with a great man that only had a year sober at this point and he would meet with us, you know, every few weeks just to kind of check in and see how he could help us. And I remember I would sit at this Brahms that he would meet us at, and I would just sob uncontrollably the entire time we met with him and I was high but I was sobbing and just kind of in my pity party, like I don't know what I'm going to do. My kids aren't in my life, my family doesn't love me, I've got nothing. I feel like dying and dying. And you know he just let me get it out. And then they just, you know, kept saying you know, well, we have a way out if you want it. And so finally, you know he was able to connect my boyfriend and get him treatment through a scholarship, this amazing place called Rob's Ranch, and you know, you know he got a scholarship there and was able to stay 90 days.

Speaker 3: 33:40

But when it was my turn and he did not know how to help females and you know this guy's only a year sober at this point, he's barely, you know, he's trying to keep himself sober much less. You know help. You know it's kind of against the grain to help the opposite sex. Really, you know, I just I was very resentful for a long time because it took a lot of courage to call this man and say I need help and and so we knew that. You know, when my boyfriend went into treatment, we knew that once I got into treatment somewhere that we were going to have to go to sober living, and so I was selling pills this whole time while he was in treatment and he, I remember the first time that he got sober he went to TRC to detox this is a state funded facility and he hallucinated so bad from his detox that he, like, pulled the fire alarm and ran downstairs and that's just a complete, no, I mean.

Speaker 3: 34:44

So they shipped him off to the crisis unit, and so he had to wait another month or so before he could go back. And so the final time he was hallucinating again, and so they finally he went to the crisis center and they wouldn't take him or something. And then so they found a bed for him at Community House. He did 30 days there and then Rob's Ranch took him for another 90. And I remember thinking, if this is sobriety, I don't want it because he's hallucinating. He can barely walk. He looks like a frail old man.

Speaker 3: 35:18

This was around Christmas time, so when he got, like a gift, he couldn't use his hands to unwrap it because he was so out of it. And just, I mean, it really took a toll on his body to have all of that, because we were coming off of methadone this last time and it was the worst detox in my life. And so when I called TRC and they said, well, you need to come down to 20 milligrams of methadone before we take you, and so I was at 100 at that point and so I came down, and so my boyfriend went into treatment a month before I did, and the whole time I was coming down off of methadone and selling pills. And I remember the first time TRC called me. You know, panic mode set in because I was like man, I've been calling for weeks trying to get in. Panic mode set in because I was like man, I've been calling for weeks trying to get in and they finally have a bed. And then all those emotions started rushing to the surface like, oh my gosh, you'll never be able to use again, you'll never feel high again. You know panic. And so I told them you know I've got all this stuff to take care of it and, bottom line, I just got a bottle full of pills. So I just wasn't quite ready to let those go. So I put it off and I gave all these excuses and then I went on the wait list again and so by the time that they called this last time I was ready. I happened to sneak in some Xanax with me to help calm my nerves and such, but it was the worst detox of my life.

Speaker 3: 36:44

It just continued to get worse and worse. And somebody from a meeting at TRC said you never have to feel this way again. And so I just kept telling myself that and because you know I could not. They also did a gratitude meeting and I could not think of one thing I was thankful for. I was that bitter and that angry and that poor me, that pity party attitude. I'm just doing this just to see where life takes me and I'm pissed off right now and don't talk to me type of mood. I felt so bad, you know, I couldn't sleep, my roommates were going nuts and the whole time I'm thinking am I even qualified to be here? I haven't even been through enough Half of what these people have been through.

Speaker 3: 37:36

And so I left detox early and my boyfriend's mother let me crash on her couch for another 10 days and I was so thankful for that, but mad at myself because, you know, I didn't complete something and I remember when they were discharging me from TRC, I left before they could give me a successful discharge and he's like you know, you're making a big mistake, right? And I was like yep, and I don't care, and because at that moment they could not tell me anything. And so I sat and I laid on her couch for days, not sleeping, and I remember the worst part about that was the nighttime, because that's when everybody was asleep and I was alone in my thoughts and everybody else lives their normal life. And I was watching TV and I'd see all these people on TV feeling normal and I was thinking how can people feel normal, how can their bodies not need or crave a drug and then be okay without it? And I just became delusional as to I'm going to feel this way forever.

Speaker 3: 38:45

And it was to a point. Had my boyfriend's mother not taken my keys or my cell phone, I would have contacted somebody to go get a pill so I could feel normal, even for 30 minutes. I was willing to throw those weeks of sobriety away so I could feel normal for 30 minutes even. And so then somehow put one day in front another, and I checked into Community House, which is a state funded facility in Oklahoma City, and you know how I got there God putting people in my life that would open those doors for me. And from there I checked into a sober living. And from there I checked into a sober living.

Speaker 3: 39:35

And as much as I hated women and did not trust a single woman on this earth, I did it out of faith that this is the next step that I need to do to stay sober, even though you know a lot of people were waiting for the other shoe to drop, myself included.

Speaker 3: 39:46

I just knew that this was how other people were waiting for the other shoe to drop, myself included.

Speaker 3: 39:48

I just knew that this was how other people were doing it. So I, you know, fought through the feelings of being uncomfortable and I stayed. I stayed and I, you know, was always scared that I'd get stuck with roommates that snored and how I'm going to handle that. And then, you know, those very women I lived with helped save my life, and so I. This is where my relationship with God grew, and because I always thought of people who spoke of God were hypocrites, and it's because that was a reflection on how I was feeling, right All these wrong things and breaking the law that I did throughout my addiction. How could a God love someone as messed up and evil as me? And it was the enemy in my head telling me and trying to stop me from succeeding, because he knew the impact I would make on others one day and you not loving yourself, and you not loving yourself, and having to find that throughout all this, absolutely that is tough, that is tough.

Speaker 3: 41:04

And would you know, having completed that program, that is tough. And would you know, having completed that program, I put people in my life to help me regain custody of my boys and then get married to that boyfriend I used with. We both have eight years sober and that man has one month more than I do, which I'm okay with, as competitive as I am. But so many people telling us it can't be done, that chapter's closed was not their story to write. Absolutely not, absolutely not.

Speaker 3: 41:41

And we had to work on ourselves separately, though I will tell you that because by the time that I was in sober living and he was in sober living, we were joined at the hip, going to meetings together, and I'd stay out of the house and still curfew, and it, you know, wasn't till, you know, they had to step in and say why are you here? And you know, and that's when I began to open my eyes, like I need to do this. So I know that if this relationship fails, I am OK. And wouldn't you know? That made our relationship as strong as it's ever been. And he is not even close to the same man that he was when he was using, and I'm not close to that same woman that I was Right.

Speaker 2: 42:27

The fact that you all are still together is very rare. I don't know if people understand how rare that is. That you used together and you got sober together and you stayed together. That is pretty rare.

Speaker 3: 42:43

It's quite plain. And so now I am opening my own sober living for women. I work for a treatment center to help males and females, but my baby is going to be this sober living for women to give them the opportunities that I was given. And you know, I honestly believe that is why I'm on this earth, why I went through the valleys that I went through is to help women who felt like they want to die, because that's where I was. And you know, through all this we've had two more babies. So the boys are now 15 and 13. And you know, we have custody and the little girls that we had.

Speaker 3: 43:30

So I got two in addiction and two in sobriety, and the girls are three years old and seven months. And you know I mean it's a crazy, amazing life that I would not trade for anything. So I am just glad that I kept saying yes, yes, I'll get uncomfortable and you know, go to treatment or go to detox. Yes, I will get off methadone. Yes, I will live with 10 other women and yes, I will open this house for 10 other women to come and help better themselves. Isn't that as it is? You know, I want to help.

Speaker 2: 44:09

Isn't that interesting that you said the same thing and I have said it for many years too we didn't trust women, but somehow we trusted men. Yes, I get it Really, how everything kind of snowballed right, but we didn't trust women. And I mean, I know in the last couple of years that has been so huge for me, like finding your tribe, finding your community, reaching out and being around other women and we're like the biggest supporters and encouragers of each other. How I never knew that. I don't know, maybe it's just in addiction, it's not that way, and in prison it definitely wasn't that way. So maybe that's where that comes from.

Speaker 2: 44:52

But in real life, in sober life, in wellness, health, you got to have it right. You got to have it around you. And when I heard you speak and you were, you know, I didn't hear your whole story when you spoke. Obviously you're in a networking group, you're not sharing all the details, but I heard you, I got it, I felt it, I knew, I knew it.

Speaker 2: 45:15

You know what I mean and just the fact that you have turned that pain into purpose, right, and now you want to help others get out of the place that you know they can. They can get out and the place that you know they can, they can get out and you know they're sitting around saying I can't do this, and you know that they can, and I just think that is so courageous and special. And it is God, it is universe, or creator, or however you want to put it saying hey, this is what you need to be doing and you honoring that. I think that's beautiful. Thank you. How is your relationship with your family now? I don't mean your husband and your children, but the rest of your family that you were having it rough with.

Speaker 3: 45:59

So my brothers, who, I mean I swore I've got three older brothers, and my brothers who I swore, would you know, hit me if I were ever in the same room or, you know, if I showed up at the house, why is that bitch here? You know just really hateful things, you know. Now we have a very good relationship. You know so much so, like I insist on, you know, getting a picture at fourth of July like man, we're all in the same picture together. I mean she's crazy because you know, they just hated me so much. They didn't hate you, chelsea, they didn't hate you.

Speaker 2: 46:33

They hated what you were doing. They didn't hate you.

Speaker 3: 46:35

I mean I got mad and keyed his car one time and like, yeah, I mean I had to fess up and said, yeah, that was me. And you know what do I need to do to fix it? Part of the 12 steps, the amends, and so that relationship is better than ever. And you know, my mom and I talk almost every day and I try to take the boys out there on weekends and to where you know. She still gets to see them regularly because that was hard for her.

Speaker 3: 47:02

I mean that was her purpose, was these boys? And so when I regained custody, she felt like she lost her purpose and so it was hard on her. But now she's seen that she can be a grandma and you know she doesn't need to raise these boys anymore because you know we're capable and we're loving and we're I don't know, we're still figuring this out. Don't get me wrong, puberty's a chum city, so, but it's a cool thing. I mean I love my boys. They both have their unique personalities and challenges and we're figuring that out as we go. And yeah, but yeah, I mean they're in counseling now and stuff, just to make sure I've you know the damage that I did do doesn't hurt them. But yeah, I've had a great relationship with my family today.

Speaker 2: 47:53

Look at that. So they didn't hate you, they just hated what you were doing. They hated who that drug made me be. Yes, they hated the addiction. They hated what you were doing. They wanted you back right and I'm glad they got you back. I'm definitely glad they got you back right and I'm glad they got you back. I'm definitely glad they got you back. Tell me what, how I can help or how somebody listening might be able to help you, if they want to help you with your sober living house.

Speaker 3: 48:16

Gosh. Just you know, spread the word. We're always looking for people to come out and share their story. So my sober living is called Sober Vibes, and on Sundays we're going to have Vibe Night, so that's just kind of a house meeting. We'll bring in a speaker and they can share their story, or somebody that can help them with their finances. Or somebody that teaches yoga can come in and do yoga with them, or a dance, cardio, or even, you know, if cooking is your passion, I'm sure these ladies would love a home-cooked meal, because a lot of us are from the streets or we're barely making ends meet and cannot afford a home-cooked meal, so we're getting by on noodles and things like that. So I mean, if cooking's your thing, it's not mine. I cook cereal, no, but some of these ladies would love a home-cooked meal. But we are going to open in May, so right now the house is under contract and we're closing. It should be April 5th and so maybe by the time this airs we'll be open.

Speaker 2: 49:20

That is so awesome and I want to come be a part of that somehow.

Speaker 3: 49:24

Yes, we'd love to help you and just kind of, you know, mentor these ladies, because there's so much trauma that comes with us ladies and there's so much more baggage than what men have to deal with. So, you know, helping them unpack all this trauma is, just, you know, so necessary in long-term sobriety.

Speaker 2: 49:45

I would definitely love to help and offer some services for the ladies, just to you know, show that they have support. Thank you, I would love that Absolutely and I'm so excited for you and eight years is a long time, sister, and I'm super excited to see where you're at. And when I post this on social media, you know, when I post a picture of you, everyone can't see you. Obviously, right now, podcast is audio. But she's beautiful y'all. She's beautiful inside, she's beautiful outside, she's shining and it shows she's been through a lot and you can see the gratefulness in her heart and it shows, and I hope that you can see it and feel it too. So thank you for being with me today, chelsea, and I hope that you can see it and feel it too. So thank you for being with me today, chelsea, and I really appreciate you sharing your story. Let you get back to your family and we'll talk soon, okay?

Speaker 3: 50:34

All right, I'll see you, thank you.

Speaker 1: 50:43

I am so grateful that you joined me for this week's episode of Breakfast of Choices. If you're enjoying this podcast, please subscribe, give it five stars and share it to help others find hope and encouragement. The opposite of addiction is connection, and we are all in this together. Telling your transformational story can also be an incredible form of healing, so if you would like to share it, I would love to hear it. You can also follow me on social media. I'm your host, Jo Summers, and I can't wait to bring you another story next week. Stay with me for more Transformational Thursdays.