On this episode of Breakfast Choices, I'm joined by Phillip "Flip" Kell to discuss his inspiring journey of overcoming addiction and finding purpose.
Flip reflects on struggling with financial hardship as a youth but working diligently to afford nice possessions. He describes being introduced to methamphetamine and spiraling into addiction, facing legal troubles and relapses. After hitting rock bottom, Flip found solace in his faith.
We explore how past traumas like losing his sister and mental health issues like PTSD contributed to his addiction and relationship patterns. He emphasizes the importance of healing from wounds. Flip shares losing custody of his kids and discovering purpose through recovery communities online.
Flip believes addressing trauma holds the key to overcoming addiction long-term. Maintaining the right perspective and focus on mental wellness are central to his recovery process. Inspired figures like Trent Shelton have aided Flip's growth mindset. I'm grateful for him openly sharing his story to help others along their journey. I hope you can draw motivation from his story of turning pain into purposefulness.
From Rock Bottom to Rock Solid.
We all have them...every single day, we wake up, we have the chance to make new choices.
We have the power to make our own daily, "Breakfast of Choices"
Resources and ways to connect:
Facebook: Jo Summers
Instagram: @Summersjol
Facebook Support: Chance For Change Women’s circle
National suicide prevention and crisis, hotline number 988
National domestic violence hotline:
800–799–7233
National hotline for substance abuse, and addiction:
844–289–0879
National mental health hotline:
866–903–3787
National child health and child abuse hotline:
800–422–4454
CoDa.org
12. Step recovery program for codependency.
On this episode of Breakfast Choices, I'm joined by Phillip "Flip" Kell to discuss his inspiring journey of overcoming addiction and finding purpose.
Flip reflects on struggling with financial hardship as a youth but working diligently to afford nice possessions. He describes being introduced to methamphetamine and spiraling into addiction, facing legal troubles and relapses. After hitting rock bottom, Flip found solace in his faith.
We explore how past traumas like losing his sister and mental health issues like PTSD contributed to his addiction and relationship patterns. He emphasizes the importance of healing from wounds. Flip shares losing custody of his kids and discovering purpose through recovery communities online.
Flip believes addressing trauma holds the key to overcoming addiction long-term. Maintaining the right perspective and focus on mental wellness are central to his recovery process. Inspired figures like Trent Shelton have aided Flip's growth mindset. I'm grateful for him openly sharing his story to help others along their journey. I hope you can draw motivation from his story of turning pain into purposefulness.
From Rock Bottom to Rock Solid.
We all have them...every single day, we wake up, we have the chance to make new choices.
We have the power to make our own daily, "Breakfast of Choices"
Resources and ways to connect:
Facebook: Jo Summers
Instagram: @Summersjol
Facebook Support: Chance For Change Women’s circle
National suicide prevention and crisis, hotline number 988
National domestic violence hotline:
800–799–7233
National hotline for substance abuse, and addiction:
844–289–0879
National mental health hotline:
866–903–3787
National child health and child abuse hotline:
800–422–4454
CoDa.org
12. Step recovery program for codependency.
Welcome to Breakfast of Choices, the weekly podcast that shares life stories of transformation. Each episode holds space for people to tell their true, raw and unedited story of overcoming intense adversity. From addiction and incarceration, mental illness, physical and emotional abuse, domestic violence, toxic families, codependency and more. Trauma comes in so many forms. I'm your host, Jo Summers, and also someone who hit my lowest point before realizing that I could wake up every day and make a better choice, even if it was a small one. So let's dive into this week's story together to learn from and find hope through someone's journey from rock bottom to rock solid, Because I really do believe you have a new chance every day to wake up and make a change, to create your own. Breakfast of Choices.
Speaker 2:Good morning. Welcome to Breakfast of Choices podcast. I'm your host, Jo Summers. I'm here with Philip Kell he goes by Flip. I met Flip on Facebook through some recovery websites and some really good work that he is doing on Facebook right now and I was really happy for him and proud of him for being on Facebook and sharing his story and being so positive and talking with others about recovery and kind of what it's meant to him that I just reached out to him and asked him if he would be a guest on the podcast and he said he'd love to. And here he is this morning and we're just going to go ahead and get into Flip's story.
Speaker 3:How are you doing? I'm doing all right. Thanks for having me. I appreciate it.
Speaker 2:You're welcome. I'm super glad that you're here and, like I said, I'm really enjoying what you're doing on Facebook and I feel like you know, just offering that hope and encouragement is so very important and you've already been doing that, so I'm super excited that you're here, thank you and I appreciate it.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I will do my part to get the message out there. Like, for me, recovering out loud is like the best therapy. Therapy for me, like that's what keeps me going, knowing that you know it's holding me accountable, and I get out there and I put myself out there and I just, you know, spill my heart out there to try to keep others from making the same mistakes that I've made yeah, absolutely, and that's what it's about right turning our pain into purpose and sharing our story with others to help them not make the same mistakes.
Speaker 2:So yeah, go ahead and go ahead and share a little bit with us today, kind of where you grew up and kind of how it all got started for you.
Speaker 3:Yeah, no problem. So I was born in Illinois and my dad had left at a young age I really don't even remember him being there, but he took off with the Texas and got his own life going and my mom had met my stepdad and I think it was in third grade or so and we moved to Indiana and things were good there. You know, I was a good student. I didn't really, you know, get in trouble. I didn't have a whole lot of friends, but I had a select few that I ran with and, you know, throughout high school I got pretty close to a few buddies and even then, you know, I really didn't party or anything like that. We raced cars, we skated, you know, we went to concerts Like we didn't, you know, handle high school stuff.
Speaker 3:You know some of them indulged, you know I didn't. You know they would give me a hard time sometimes, like, oh, flip over there. Drugs are bad, you know. And I that and found it in my stepdad's door, actually a little tuck work trainer, and he had a little metal ball in there. I was like, oh, it's this. But you know, I was a pretty good kid, you know, at, uh, high school I was the same girl all through high school and I ended up getting prom queen. She was prom queen. I thought, you know, life was good and, yeah, everything would be all right. And you know, after high school things took a little turn and you know, so cheating happened to set my cat, okay, yeah, yeah that started off.
Speaker 3:You know, right then there, that started my life off, right there, like not on my part, but then I ended up, you know, getting back and getting my revenge and doing the same thing, thinking that was okay.
Speaker 3:You know being young and dumb and yeah but yeah, after that, you know, I mean like, I didn't grow up with a whole lot of money. So in high school, though, I got a job as a senior, since I already had all my credits. There was a teacher there that got me a job at the local glass shop, and so I would leave at 10 30 every day from high school, my senior year, I'd go work at this glass shop. I would work there, I'd get off from there, I'd go to dairy queen, work a shift there. If I wasn't working at dairy queen, I was working at the detail shop. I did all this just to afford a nice car, nice clothes, because, you know, my family didn't, you know, have a whole lot of money. So like and the girl I dated through high school, their parents did have money.
Speaker 3:So like, I slowly, like started trying to like fit in, you know, I mean like trying to be a person making money and having a social status and so like I get out of high school, I'm making good money, I get my own place. You know I move out immediately. I get my own bachelor pad. And know I move out immediately, I get my own bachelor pad. And the money I was making at my job just wasn't, you know, enough.
Speaker 3:And so next thing, you know, you know I'm selling weed, you know selling drugs, and I got depression and anxiety meds my whole life, you know, because I suffered with a lot of depression and anxiety and I was selling those and still wasn't, you know, really getting into a whole lot of trouble or nothing like that. But then I got introduced to Matt. So I was with a buddy. I've never done it, never done it. I was so against it. And we went to another buddy's house one night and he was like, oh man, you know, it ain't that bad, you ought to try it.
Speaker 3:You ought to try it. That was the worst mistake of my life. You know what?
Speaker 2:I mean I love that guy.
Speaker 3:That day he's clean. You know that, and it wasn't his fault. I was a grown man, I made that choice, you know I mean, but it wasn't. A week later we all there's four of us moving into a place you know, going tapping the hydra's tanks out of cornfield because back then it wasn't crystal bath, it was a hyd hydrospet.
Speaker 3:Right, so it was like it was really, really addictive drug. It was just like it grabbed a hold of me bad. And next thing I know I'm out cooking it, I'm stealing it and doing whatever I can, you know, to hit the habit. You know, traveling from state to state trying to get suitabate bills just to make meth and just out there wilding out Like we were out there getting it, like it was bad. And we had this little b apartment right in the middle of hot spot, indiana, which is like a small country town, catholics you know, and it was right in the middle of a subdivision, like rich people all around this like it's right in the middle of subdivision and you know, and we're out there, we're cooking every day and there's people just showing up our our door.
Speaker 3:Even the guy upstairs looked above us Is it ready? Yet? You know, like it was not looking good. And I happened to go up to the gas station one day there in town and there was a pamphlet and it said how did I notice signs of people cooking around you?
Speaker 4:Oh no, and it was like it said ten fold up windows.
Speaker 3:I, and it was like it said 10-fold up windows. I'm like check it says excessive trash bags outside.
Speaker 4:I was 20, check.
Speaker 3:You know traffic all night, all day, check, check Everything. I'm just like oh, oh, oh. I'm like, oh no, this is bad, we're going to go, we're going to hit, we're going to hit, we're going to prison.
Speaker 2:I'm getting out of here. Plus, couldn't you smell it?
Speaker 3:Oh yeah.
Speaker 1:That's like number one sign.
Speaker 3:You can smell it all around, yeah.
Speaker 3:Oh yeah, we were done with it. We would smoke it up in the apartment with muriatic acid. We burnt holes in the carpet. We'd go out in the car, do the same thing with bandanas on, trying to go out in the car, do the same thing. You know, put bandanas on trying to cook it in the car, and it was just ridiculous. So I knew at that time I was like this is not right for me, like I'm getting out of here before something happens. So I ended up going to illinois, to my grandma's house. You know, she's like she was in iraq, like throughout my childhood I stayed with her a lot. Every weekend I would go there. She was the one that got me into church. She taught me how to fish. She taught me how to shoot a basketball. My dad was around. My grandma was my everything.
Speaker 3:That sounds great I went there and she had my back. She had my back and I stayed there and got clean for about a month. Then my next girlfriend, you know, broken up with to go down. Always she'd gotten back over me and I ended up going back to indiana and I went to a party one night and I wasn't even dope but I'd been on xanax, calada and a half crowned jaeger between like three other guys and I had a buddy hit me up and he was like, hey, I need a ride to evansville. A guy owes you money, yada, yada, I'll fill your tank up and give you some weed. I'm like no man, I'm good. I'm good, I'm drunk, I've been taking pills and then he wouldn't stop. He was really so I ended up going to pick him up.
Speaker 3:I wake up the next day in a drunk tank. I don't remember any of it, everything that I know from it. You know it was all told from depositions. Like I wake up in the drunk tank I have an A felony dealing in crack, cocaine, a D felony dealing in marijuana, deposition of controlled substance, and I thought my life was over. I thought I was done that AFL in Princeton Indiana that carries like a 20 to 50, I think. So I was up there a lot of times. I was still, you know, in a loss. I didn't want to believe it and I got still sitting there in jail and I didn't have crack money. My bill was like $50,000, I think $5,000 cash. He got out the next day. Let's just face it, he had money, I didn't. He was doing this thing, I stole a little bit of weed. That was it. At that time he gets bonded out. I get bonded out probably a few weeks later. During that time there was a federal drug raid from texas to indiana and I think they got like 30 some people throughout all the states and he was a part of that and uh, so they came to me in my deal because I guess the night that I took him to his buddy's house ended up actually being his family and everything that he did there was recorded because it was a scene and they ended up coming to me dropping out of a felony. I played guilty to my two Ds. I did a little 18 months, two and nine, all that work release. I did all that. You know I get out.
Speaker 3:I fell, you know, house arrest immediately, I think two or three times. My fiance left me. At the time I was like I was living with her and her mom and I was on house arrest and she was like get out. So I'm like all right, so I end up leaving there and I end up moving in with my cousin kara. She lived down there by my mom's house, a few blocks on center wall, moved in with kara and right next door to kara was a girl that I had messed around with a couple times through high school and after high school. She's still the same guy that she'd always been with throughout high school. They had just been married for about six months.
Speaker 3:I moved in next door and plans rekindled. He was a raging alcoholic. He'd come home and throw her around and everything One one night. She had enough of it. She left him and we ended up moving in with each other and life was good. I was sober, we got a new house, I had my first baby, my baby girl Leah, and life was good. Leah was six months old and we just got married. We went to Tennessee on a Harley and did the whole marriage thing up there, had some friends come up there and we all rode the dragon's tail. It was a good time we get back home and it's a couple weeks later and I ended up having a wreck on my motorcycle. It was bad.
Speaker 3:You know it should have taken my life. I flipped it so I stood around the turn. My cousin was in front of me so I never got my license. I always had my permit for my motorcycle and finally I was like all right, I need to go get my license so I have to ride a stupid number anymore to do this. I go up there you know I'm the smallest guy on the biggest bike Pass it flawlessly. Give him a license. I'm on my way home. He's like let's take the back way home. We're going to take that way home. I'm like how cool is that? So he's in front of me, I'm behind him and I see his retire risk-worthy. And before I can do anything, my front wheel just locks up like this it slides off the side of the road. It's a little embankment. It flips Well it does. My leg is stuck in between the tank and handlebars, cracking, pushing my femur out of my leg, up here by my hip Oof and rip every shoulder in this ligament or every ligament in this right shoulder.
Speaker 3:The helmet that I had on was a fake helmet from Tennessee. We got it just for the wedding. It had no padding in it, nothing. It was a novelty helmet I think I paid like 10 to 15 bucks for it. They gave me a DOT sticker to stick on the back. It was not real but it saved my life. I had goggles on it from front to back. I woke up in the working all the time she was freaking out Back in the surgery. You know, I wake up and pull covers back and I just see everything you know from below my waist down. It's just black purple, like Barney.
Speaker 3:And I'm like I'm never riding again.
Speaker 2:I've said that a few times. Yeah, it happened.
Speaker 3:I ended up riding a long recovery, A long long recovery it took about a year, a wheelchair, a ball period I took cane and so like. During that time of healing and everything like I slowly started getting back into drugs. Like I didn't want to do anything, I ended up picking up meth. And like she'd be at work, kids would be at her mom's house, I'd be out doing dope, cooking dope, coming back home by the time they got there taking four or five Xannies, ass out in the chair, cereal in my lap, drooling all over myself, just being dumb.
Speaker 4:Yeah.
Speaker 3:Being real dumb.
Speaker 4:Yeah.
Speaker 3:She gave me a lot of chances and we'd wait till separation for about a week and I was just out there. I'd be out there, no wait, probably about seven, eight days and took like four or five Xanax in the middle of like cooking two batches of dope and I both had to leave my buddy's house and as long as I see him later.
Speaker 3:I would put my hand on the doorknob and I must have stood there for 30, 45 minutes. Stuck, it's stuck, not there, just fried. Yeah. And he finally was like you going to leave. I was like, yeah, and he tells me I'm on the same there. I'm like you just going to let me leave, like that, you're not going to take my keys or nothing, but no, I before I could even get from Port Ranch to Princeton, which is about a seven, eight-minute drive.
Speaker 3:I probably had five or six people call me in for a ride-in drive and I ended up getting pulled over in town there by the McDonald's. I don't remember it. This is all from the newspaper and what people tell me. My ex-wife, my daughter, her family, was at the Fonda Rosa at the time, which is right across the street from McDonald's. They seen me get arrested. My daughter, you know, she wasn't old enough to remember that. She seen me get arrested and I went to jail for driving on an ambulance, methamphetamine, possession of marijuana. I had to say an ex, but I was prescribed an ID school bus a month after my arrest.
Speaker 3:So I didn't get into trouble for that but I get out, go to rehab, try to save my marriage. It was called the lighthouse facility. It was a christian-based facility. You know you had to do so much classwork, so much church work you have to go to work. After you were there for so long and got to that level of being, you know, able to go to work and do your home passes, and you know I did that and moved up real quick, became an accountability officer, found my relationship with god again from there, but really wasn't the place for me. There was a lot of things going on there that I didn't really so that place kind of just read me the wrong way.
Speaker 3:So I graduated in fifth class boys out of there. In seven months I came home. Life was good again. You know, I got a job at the toyota plant back home one of the things back on one of their suppliers and I was a temporary worker there. I started off as a temp worker and worked my way up. I was putting that same motivation and dedication that I did to running and drugging into my work and my family. This time I was just doing that, I was just chem for a short amount of time. They made me a full-time worker. Then they made me an end-of-the-line repair welder. I never welded before in my life but through all the years of glass I definitely had ran cocking guns, automated cock and guns. You know what I mean. It came natural to me.
Speaker 3:So they made me a repair worker in the line there, and then it wasn't much longer. They made me a team leader and then, within like a year I think it was I moved all the way up to a group leader. I had, I think, 77 people underneath me, four team leaders under me and a whole lot of paid for it in the computer world. But life is good. I was making over $80,000 a year. I was married, she was a nurse. She was making good money. We had a beautiful home. My son was growing well, so I had my daughter and my son. We had a ticket fence five years later than the seven years we lived in. Things couldn't be better. I thought to myself. You know, I never, ever, thought someone coming up the way I did would ever have a home like this, a beautiful family like this, and I was blessed. I truly, truly was blessed. And then, like 2014 hit and all I started getting, you know, lonely because I'm working like shit. I'm working, you know, 14 hours a day, six, seven days a week.
Speaker 4:Yeah.
Speaker 3:She wants me to go back to doing glass, but I thought, you know, okay, my body's good, I've healed up from this wreck I can probably go back to doing glasswork, and before I could even get to that point, though and I'm working, finishing out the last couple months- you know I slowly started dipping back into pills Because in that same year my sister Crystal God bless yourself, she was like 35. And she passed away that year of a brain injury unexpectedly.
Speaker 4:So sorry.
Speaker 3:That messed with me.
Speaker 4:Yeah. It still messes with me.
Speaker 3:Yeah, like she wasn't like the rest of us. She was manic, bipolar, she had a lot of mental health issues, learning disabilities. She went to special ed school, she was involved with the Special Olympics and like major temper issues and she didn't really grow up around me. She was always moving around. She'd call me all the time and she'd be throwing her fits and I'd get tired of it and listen, wouldn't answer her phone calls. That wasn't right of me. It was wrong of me. You only get so many sisters. You know what I mean.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but give yourself some grace on that. Give yourself some grace on that Two days before she passed away.
Speaker 3:She called my phone and I didn't answer it. She left me a voicemail. She said hey, bud, it's sis. I just want to know I love you, tell me I love them, I miss you guys. And she started to cry.
Speaker 4:And she had a little bit of fun.
Speaker 3:Two days later they called saying that she'd been life-threatened.
Speaker 4:Wow.
Speaker 3:They get to the hospital. She's laying there in all kinds of tubes and I thought she'd make it through it.
Speaker 4:Yeah, that's tough.
Speaker 3:They said that she started some signs, like you know, that she was fine and she was moving her toes, moving her fingers. But within like a few days, I was planning on going up there the next morning. I had to work all that night. I was getting ready to get up there and got the call that she was suffering a massive stroke while in there.
Speaker 4:So While in there, so so sorry she passed away. Yes.
Speaker 3:And I left and that left a huge scar on me. I never got to tell her I loved her. I never got to throw her something to me. Yeah, the only memory she has of me is being a dick, being so prideful, being about the money and about my drugs.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:That changed me yet again in 2014, leaving the Toyota place into the glass field, I was hurt. I was needing to cope. I started to find things to cope with. I get to the glass shop. I'm working with a guy who I knew used dope and, like an idiot, I thought I was good he wasn't out there putting it in front of my face, nothing like that. You know he was respectful of me, but that's how long I've been dealing with the death of my sister. I gave in. I used and I was using every day at work the same thing. I'd come to Zanax before I'd get back home, so the wife wouldn't know, she wasn't stupid. She started to pick up. Oh, I had this beautiful home, my two kids, and here I am using dopamine, back in this everything. And it's not that I wasn't thinking of them, that I didn't love them, because they were my world. They were everything that I wanted.
Speaker 3:Yeah, it was nothing I wanted more than was my kids and my wife. I didn't want to be out there having kids with everyone be married six, seven times. That was the last thing I wanted to do. I didn't want that. I had everything I needed and that dope was strong. I was weak.
Speaker 3:So, I'm relapsing, she kicks me out again, she draws up divorce papers and I'm out there just whiling and whiling and whiling out. I'm like, yeah, screw it all. We had plenty of money in the bank. Her father passed away and left us all. Pretty good and like an asshole, I I think we drew like $17,000 before the divorce even hit, just staying in hotel rooms, running around with with women getting ounces of dough, like just being a stupid, yeah. And I get back to the hotel room one day that I'm staying in and I'm with a girl named Stormy from Illinois and we were just getting ready to go out to dinner and I hear a thump thump at the door.
Speaker 3:I go to the door. It's a state trooper Detective Down the floor. I don't know what's going on. They said we got an arrest for by Duke Billy. At the time I said you ain't at the wrong place, you don't live here, ain't nothing to do here with him. And I said that's a warrant for an arrest, not a warrant for an arrest. And I warranted for search of my address Because at the time I was receiving my letter and everything that was my home. They barged in, said they smelled marijuana. I hadn't even smoked in there yet I hadn't even smoked. I did what I could just call for and they started searching all my stuff and they go straight to where I kept my dope. I kept it in a false Dr Pepper can inside a 24-pack of other Dr Pepper cans. They knew already exactly what I was doing. I don't know how they knew.
Speaker 3:I mean I have a good feeling because I mean I paid cash for that room. They didn't have my name, I didn't order, nobody really knew I was staying there that same weekend I was supposed to have my kids, it was Easter weekend.
Speaker 3:And they told me I have to bail out that night I get to jail. No bond, possession of meth and fainting. It's another felony Easter weekend. You know I have my kids hurt. I'm like man, man, I'm serious really. No, I don't know, here I am, I'm in jail, not really getting to see my kids. I get out, I get probation. You know, here I am, I'm in jail. I don't really get to see my kids, I get out, I get probation. You know, just so I have money. I never pay for a good attorney, a bad job, but I get probation and I meet a girl who I can engage to and life's good, I'm doing good again.
Speaker 3:You know, I'm sober, she gets pregnant and I don't even know at that point in time, honestly, what caused me to relapse. But more than anything, I guess it could have been like, you know, I would catch her every once in a while. She had an intertemporal wartime and she would hide it from me it's sort of behind my back and this and that it was also involved in a lot of PTSD. You hide it from you. It's sort of behind my back and this and that which also brought on like a lot of ptsd, you know, other people, hurting you from cheating, lying to me and with dope everything like that is, yes, intensified throughout life. You know what I mean. You don't think.
Speaker 3:you take everything to the extreme and like, along with ptsd, that can make the relationship hell for anybody that gets involved with someone. That's ill or something like that. Absolutely long story short, you know I, I relapsed and she gets to me but it's catching me in the bathroom. She had that food license place or something like that for a car and I go to the bathroom, I get locked in. How I'm about to hit it, she catches me and she just goes eight crap on me. You know I mean she just goes crazy. She starts calling cops. You know I, I mean she just goes crazy, she starts calling cops. You know what I mean. I have my work band at the house and just my whole life just went into shambles again and I'm like the hell with this. I'm not going to jail, I'm getting out of here. She's not going to be able to do my baby anyways, it's like my other baby mama. Small town, they have the same attorney.
Speaker 4:I have no attorney.
Speaker 3:Anyways, I take off to Portland. I head off to Portland, oregon. I have a buddy out there from high school who moved out there. There's a little sailboat. I'm going out to Portland, boom, I go to Portland. I'm doing good, life's good. I'm working doing auto glass again making good money. I meet this girl Stupid. I'm working doing auto glass again making good money. And I meet this girl Stupid. I'm in Portland with all this money recovering addict and the biggest thing out there is meth. Yeah, like really it was dumb to think I even had a chance I meet her. I start doing dope. Next thing I know me and my buddies into it. I'm moving off to SoCo, living homeless in a tent in Delta Park in Portland, like just wilding out again.
Speaker 3:Not caring about life being done. I'm out there for a year or so. I end up leaving, coming home thinking I can do this, I'm going to get my kids back. I got this Nope Made another girl. Well, it's not this girl, it's kind of it's an alcohol, and that was a little bit of a relapse.
Speaker 3:I'm on my way home one night to my mom's house. She's waiting for me there, my fiance's there, her girlfriend, she's waiting for me there. At the time I get pulled over. I just bought a car, hey, off Craigslist. I was going to fix it and make money on it and flip it. And I turn onto my mom's street and I hit a pothole. And when I hit the pothole because there was damage on the recorder panel, a chunk pops up. Before I can even get pulled over. They shot it. There's a cop busting a new vehicle me over. I'm like Greg, here we go. I ain't been home three weeks. What do you mean? Here we go again. They searched me and I didn't find nothing. While I'm there, they have court papers for me, for my ex-wife taking me, for all my kids. Again, while I'm waiting there, I told them they couldn't search my car. Well, they searched me.
Speaker 3:And they found in my wallet, like I'm saying a flight, not even a tenth of a gram, and they tell me they don't know if it's enough to prosecute me, that they're gonna have to send it off. To send send off prosecutor to see if he's gonna take the case. So I'll wait. You know, it's like two, three weeks go by and in the meantime they get a glass job out in boston, massachusetts, making good money and it's a good opportunity for me. They're gonna pay for my housing for three months. They're gonna pay for my traveling expenses. They'll let me bring my girlfriend or something with me and I'm like, yes, this is what I need. So, like I'm getting hold of the cop shop, I go up there to my little prosecutor's office. I'm told at the end of the day that I discovered you're good to go, not by the prosecutor's office, that was by a local sheriff in town. They told me I'm good to go. They were ahead of the issue, they knew I was going to come up. I take off. We go Boston, living life. Good, we're there, things are going good.
Speaker 3:But, like I said, she was addicted to alcohol. We weren't doing dope or nothing at the time. We were about to go to Boston and we saw their wife frightened. Well, she was not wanting to get off her alcohol. I came home one day from work. She's crazy drunk, trying to get onto her truck. She's like you know, you're trying to sell them a business from the hotel room. Like oh no, she ends up pulling a knife, going crazy. The cops come. I tell her you know, know, I will press charges on her. All this nasty sister, they don't take her to jail. The next day it's a friday.
Speaker 3:I'm the lawyer on marijuana was legal out there. So like I'll just go up in on the way home like life's good, you know, I mean like everything's been I'm making. You know I'm looking for a new house. I went to the hotel Before I could even get to the park. He's got three Plymouth County sheriff's guys come running out the hotel office Breeze, get down on the ground here in a few minutes Just this. They're opening my door before I can even get to the park. When I was there the day before, I guess my name came back the next day that I weren't out of Indiana. So they took me to Kingston Jail and from there the cancer reached the Thumbeth Correctional Facility and like I could not believe how big that place was and how many people were in there, how intimidating it was, like it was just crazy. It's nothing I've ever seen before.
Speaker 3:I mean there were people like last name, pagano, and stuff, talking about how they're in there for trying to get fit and all and everything, and that really when it opened my eyes to the fentanyl epidemic because, like back on again, it hadn't hit yet.
Speaker 4:Yeah.
Speaker 3:Like I'm seeing all these people in there and I'm hearing all their stories and what they're in there for, and it's just not for the fit and all the things that I didn't do, and, man, I tell you what that's another demon and I will for anybody that's going through the struggle of that fit, like you said. I mean how great if they get off of that anyways. Well, I'm there. I mean a guy hit fun life by. You know grace's guy, again like a real good dude. His name's brian. He was out there in massachusetts. He was in there for just a little DUI. He had never been to jail before. He was a little big guy. You know, real comedian, like he's a car salesman.
Speaker 3:He's this good dude no, they ended up extraditing me from Boston, fought a plane back in Indiana for a possession charge.
Speaker 3:I get there in jail. My attorney tells me like they're wanting to give you three years the OC kind of I'm like you want to send me to prison for a tenth of a gram of dope. You guys are crazy, I'm not taking that. I'm not taking that. There is no way I'm going to take that. And I end up. She says, well, if you can bond out, I'll meet you a better deal. So I reached out to my buddy Brian. He had then been released from jail there in Boston and he calls me out from Princeton jail. I get out and she tells me you know, two weeks later I go back up to her and she calls me. She says, hey, come up there and talk to you.
Speaker 3:So I'm thinking she's got another you know, and she says, hey, I still want to give you three years. I ended up. My mom ended up, bless her soul. She ended up getting me a loan $5,000. I got me an attorney and he got me out of it all with just probation. You know, three years in prison. He got me here, probation. So it just goes to show you know one of my thoughts oh yeah, but I do that. That's my ethos. Oh yeah, but I do that. And in the meantime I'm flying back and forth from Boston to Indiana. For a few months after this Me and my old girl breaks up. I stayed out there, she moved back to her mom's house and so I'm flying back and forth home in between court dates and yada, yada. Yeah, that's for a little bit. And then, after I got probation, I moved home. So I had to be there for probation. And there you go. Story of my life, right?
Speaker 2:This girl is actually actively using.
Speaker 3:I had been sober and we had hung out. Yes, and the first night we hung out I knew immediately Like she's using, she's using. So I tell her I'm like so you're going to tell me what? And she's like what do you mean? And I said you don't know. She's like how do you know? I was like what do you mean? You're not going to get that fast. You're talking to a professional here.
Speaker 2:Yeah right, how do we?
Speaker 3:know. So time goes on. I'm going to show you how easy it is to quit. I did it one night with her, oh, no.
Speaker 3:There it went. There we lost her good job. Like when I'm back home in Indiana, I had a good job at Dick Baggrey's Lark Cycle Shop. I was a fabricator welder there. Like you know, she's relapsing. I'm relapsing For three years and then it was just scrounging every day to get by, doing whatever we could to get dopes in our body and make sure kids had food. That's all it was. Yes, and like it was a toxic relationship. Like I mean, she had her beef flaws just as well as I did, but man, it was physical, but that way and I had been using all that time.
Speaker 3:And you know, throughout my life I'd already been hospitalized three times.
Speaker 3:I think it was with pancreatitis and this time with her I remember I started getting sick on the bathroom floor and I couldn't do nothing. I was so dehydrated I was just done. My body was done. I was weak. I threw up for hours and hours and hours. Finally she gets on my stepdad and he picks me up, picks me to the hospital and I'm in there for 3 or 4 days. My body was over. I'm in there for three or four days. I just my body was over it. I was in bad shape, doctors telling me if I keep using it, you know I'm not going to live. You know me in there just using the bathroom, on myself in the hospital bed, like I couldn't.
Speaker 3:It was bad and you know me like, started talking to God and trying to find my relationship while I was in that hospital bed. You know, asking what I need to be like. Help me get through this. You know, like I realized, you know emergency credits right. You know, used them as a on demand, I would say long time, god right but you know, this time it was different for me.
Speaker 3:I don't want to use them all right. Someone's telling me that's not the life for me. It's not going to get you where you need to be, but you've got to make that change.
Speaker 3:I knew someone was going to write the whole time to Oscar. I'm begging her to come see me. She's getting mad. I had a buddy of like 20 years it was Aime's buddy and I tried to get him to come see me. He's getting mad because I'm proud of myself, because I just wanted to see some of that he was supposed to care for me.
Speaker 3:I was scared. You know, liam, I just wanted some score and I got home and couldn't find out. You know, of course, I had been hanging out the whole time I was in the hospital. She didn't want to say that, but she told me he had been there and I told her I can't use no more and this, and that she's like go on down through that, we can try that again. Well, next morning, literally not even 12 hours later, she's kicking me out, hitting me in the face with an aerosol can in front of her kids, like telling them she don't want to be with me and I would be shit and this and that together I leave. I was done Right. Y'all have each other. I love you kids. You mean the world to me. I gotta go and I left.
Speaker 3:I left and went to my mom's house, and this is now February 14th, 2023. That very next day, I drove over to my mom's house. I go to court with nothing, no attorney, no money, a little thing like that Straight out the hospital go to court with my ex-wife for a case on taking the rights to my kids. I had no option. I thought at the time. I ended up signing the rights over to my kids, and that is something that I'll never truly forgive myself for. My kids are my everything. You know they're my world, and my selfishness, my addiction, my running, everything that I've done led me to losing them. So I lost my kids that week too. On top of losing that relationship, on top of being in the hospital, I lost my kids that week.
Speaker 2:So that's your rock bottom for sure I've let it go someplace.
Speaker 3:But look guys, I usually wait until I'm in trouble or in jail to ask for help. But I can't live this life on your own. I need to get away from this town. I'm not strong enough to save all towns, towns, and you know, be clean or be a productive member of society. Yeah, so my cousin Beth reaches out to me. She'd been in prison for trafficking heroin and she'd been in a game for a while. You know she had four years clean that time and she's still clean to this day. She's an amazing woman, you know. She's all about her recovery, healthy others and she comes to pick me up. They take me to kentucky and I'm working for her husband. He's got a business. We're there for a little bit and I'm sober, doing good. We come to florida the same deal, get a job in.
Speaker 3:Start making these videos about body recovery and about recovering out loud, telling my story to help me, help other people not make the mistakes that I've made. That's led me, you know, to losing my kids. It's led me to losing everything I've ever owned three times over. Many relationships, many people that I've hurt, a lot of amirans that I don't know. Other people are going to be willing to make for me. You know I've tried my best to clean what I said on the street, Everything that I've been through in life, though like it had been worse Every time I had been arrested for some reason. By the grace of God, like he has kept me from prison, from prison. Like he's always pretty much getting a slap on the wrist and then saying that as well. Like he's protected me through so much. I've been in so many wrecks where I should not be here. The harley wreck was just one. It meant there's another wreck in high school when I was with that girlfriend, that I was with all the high school we were in the car.
Speaker 3:It was, was me, her, her sister, in the backseat of two-door jimmy. Her mom was in the passenger seat and her sister's boyfriend was driving. He's driving, he falls asleep at the wheel. We're coming back down the interstate from Tennessee to Indiana. He goes in and comes out over, corrects, the jimmy flips three or four times. None of the girls or me had a seatbelt on in the back. They had it on top of me and I take their fall on top of me and I was just flipping, flip, flip, flip and I think my back went to the rear quarter glass of that two door jimmy and it ended up like livers, kidney or bladder. So I pissed blood for a couple weeks. I know that and that was about the worst of any injury that anybody had. At that A BJ, the driver had some stitches in his elbow and there's just been so many times where God has been in my life, you know, like this time, like I've been through recovery programs, na programs, facility recovery programs, and it's nothing against them.
Speaker 3:They're all great programs, but for me, I did it this time. I played with my gosh. He saved me from the depths of hell. My God is big and he loves me and I know that Since I've been here in Florida, I've been, you know, back in the church, back into the Bible, doing everything I can to learn the knowledge and to spread the love that he has to offer us. I'm going to keep doing that. I'm going to keep doing me. I'm going to keep making my videos. I don't even realize it when we put our stories out there publicly for people to hear it. Regardless of what some people might think, it helps. There are people that it does help. I've had so many people message me since I started putting it out there. Like I had done my videos for the last year, but up until the last week and a half I didn't put them out there to groups. I didn't have any groups as far as recovery on my page, I didn't even know anything about it.
Speaker 3:I found out about it, and now the the out for of support has been phenomenal. But I can only tell you what's helped me this time and what I'm doing this time differently, and that's just, you know, loving god and putting all that drive and motivation that I used to put and running and driving and applying that to my life. And to know, like I was meant for more than this, yeah, to know that there's more, there's more beauty to life than chasing some high or idol or being of the world. For me, it's just, you know, wanting to make the best name I can for myself and leave an example for my kids. You know something to be proud of. You know hoping that one day.
Speaker 3:I'm going to be able to be with my friends again. You know I can't even try to talk to them until they're 18 years old, and if they even want to be a part of my life, that's, you know, up to them. And I'm going to be doing everything I can to make sure, when that time comes, that they can look at me and be proud of who their father is, because, regardless, they know my heart. They have seen me at my best times. I was there to raise those kids for a time and I loved them more than anything. And a shitty father was something I was not. When I was sober, I was a great father. What made me shitty was when I started to indulge again. I was a great father. What made me shitty was when I started to indulge again.
Speaker 3:Like we know, like everybody says, like you know, addiction, addiction is a disease and I know I'm gonna have a lot of backlash for this and that's fine. But, like, at some point you have to realize, like you don't choose to get cancer, you know what I mean. That's not a choice, that's a death sentence. You don't choose to get cancer. You know what I mean. That's not a choice, that's a death sentence that you don't have a choice with. You have a choice with drugs. You can only use the excuse of addiction, disease, my mother's fault, my daddy's fault, abandonment faults for so long.
Speaker 3:I get all that I've been through everything I've just listed. You know at some point you do, you have to want better for yourself. You gotta know this is what you want, this is what you need to do, and do it. Like I've said before, ain't nobody going to do it for you, but you right, recovery has got to be wanted for the people out there that are trying to help someone recover. You know you feel like you're spinning your wheels and you just don't understand why they won't listen and what's it going to take?
Speaker 3:and well, I mean, they've got kids, surely that's enough to do it. Well, no, honestly it's not. It's not, I know. I say addiction is not a disease, but I will say some drugs, and a lot of them, are demons, because when that's it's like all those things that we know we're not supposed to do, we do it. Pornography, like cheating, like all of that stuff, gambling, I mean all these addictions that everybody's trying to beat already.
Speaker 2:You put that in with medicine and you just have a whole world of craziness talking a little bit about mental wellness and mental health and kind of the feelings of drugs really being an addiction or being a choice that you made.
Speaker 3:Tell me how you feel about that I mean I feel like you know to some extent. Yeah, it can be a disease, but for the most part you know as like a whole mental wellness. When I say that like you got to bring in traumatic, you know I can't even think of the words right now traumatic events, you know yeah from your past and you lost somebody to love through death or relationship.
Speaker 3:Maybe you went through something that was more crazy, you know. Maybe somebody took advantage of you one night or something like that. You know. All that plays a part, I feel like, in our addictions we're all trying to cope with something you know and I feel like in our addictions, we're all trying to cope with something you know, and I feel like that people need to really look at addiction more towards the mental health aspect more than as a disease. Like honestly, you dig deep to find out what's really putting this person down in their dumps like this, to be wanting to numb something you know, and that's my feeling on that.
Speaker 2:You're correct, because the stats on addiction is 90% of addiction is based around trauma. So that's absolutely correct. Where the addiction side comes in is when we get physically addicted right, our body now needs the drug, or we're going to go through withdrawal and be sick and all those things, or we're going to go through withdrawal and be sick and all those things. The mental addiction side of it is, you know, stems from wanting to cope and mask and numb and all those things from, like you said, traumatic incidents that we've been through. You told me a little bit ago that you had been diagnosed with PTSD and for most of us, what do we learn that PTSD is? For the average person, we've learned that that is based with veterans right.
Speaker 2:Veterans go through PTSD and we all understand that as a whole. That's like a huge traumatic. You know things that they have been through that those of us who haven't been through could never really understand right, yeah, could never imagine. Yeah, and God bless them for everything they've done.
Speaker 2:So that's how, like the average person equates it Right. So we don't ever think that all of the things that we've been through in our lives, even though they're traumatic, we don't equate them with PTSD. I have also been diagnosed with that and didn't understand that was even a thing Like how could that be Right? So I really didn't believe it.
Speaker 2:I really just like put that in the little box, I'm like, yeah, whatever, I didn't believe it. But as I've done the work and done the healing and taken the journey and been through the counseling and been through all the themes, I understand a little bit more now about what that means and how that plays a part in our lives and how that plays a part in the things that we keep doing over and over and over Relationship things that we do abandonment issues that we have. All of the situations and things that we've been through right cause us to keep masking and keep doing that, because sometimes doing that work to unleash all of that is hard.
Speaker 2:It's hard and it's painful and it is all of those things. Not going to lie, it's hard, but it's necessary too. You have to forgive people and people have to forgive us. But the first person we have to forgive is ourselves and learn to love ourselves first. Right, definitely. How do we give love if we don't love ourselves?
Speaker 3:yeah, we can't, we can't. I've learned I can't and, like you know, from all the failed relationships in the past, I cannot know anything about ptsd and then leading into my marriage and then my divorce, you know, and then being diagnosed with that. It's, it's.
Speaker 2:You know you talked a lot about through your story and I let you. You know you talked through your story and I didn't. I tried not to interrupt. I wanted you to stay on point with that because it's very important to get that out. You know what I mean. You hadn't shared it a lot and it's really important to get our stories out. First of all, all we get them out of our head and out of it just helps us. You know what I mean.
Speaker 3:It helps us definitely, like you know then, like after, what I was getting to is, you know, like being diagnosed with ptsd. Now it's like since then, since like 2015-16, when that happened now I see that I did deal with that previously, before we might even marriage and like I brought all of that baggage through every relationship and every relationship like I made I basically just self-sabotage just by, like the constant worry of being hurt, the constant worry of being lied to, the constant worry of being left you know what I mean and being the one hurting and them just going on about their merry way. So it's like I see now, like you know, as I'm healing, as I'm going through my recovery, dealing with emotions wrong, like how important it is to self heal. You know it's to me right now like that's all I'm concentrating on, like girls, like relationships is not in my mind. Like I know it's just I'm gonna, I'm gonna ruin it. You know, I mean I know I'm not healed enough to even try to do that yet.
Speaker 2:And you know flip. Give yourself some grace. You know what I mean. Give yourself some grace on that, because you've been through a lot and don't don't beat yourself up on that. Yeah, You've, you've drug some things around, You've brought some things in that you hadn't healed. We all do that right, we all do that. And you're just in a different place now of really really wanting to heal that and wanting to get better and wanting to do better, and that's a great place to be. It's hard, but it's a great place to be and you're doing awesome. I saw you last night. I mentioned that you were on a Facebook Live called.
Speaker 2:Sober Vibes right. Tell us a little bit about that what was that about?
Speaker 3:It was good. I like that group. They're awesome. They have some great admins. You know they help me out by. You know they share a lot of my content. I get a lot of feedback from people and it's a good atmosphere. They don't judge people for whatever, whatever their recovery is and how they're doing it.
Speaker 4:Then kudos as long as you're recovering. This is your host, joe Summers. I just wanted to pop on and take a quick minute to apologize for the technical difficulties in this recording. I live in Oklahoma and we are having severe weather and severe tornadoes and I do want to take a moment to pray for the towns and families and loved ones that were severely affected Sulphur, barnstall, bartlesville. They were really hit hard and lost a lot. Please just take a minute to send up some prayers, some love, some light, some thoughts for them, and thank you to Flip for being so gracious through this recording with the internet issues and I'm sorry for talking over each other sometimes. Thank you so much for listening.
Speaker 2:Yeah, recovery is progress, not perfection, right. We all recover differently Everybody's going to recover differently.
Speaker 3:You know what I mean. A lot of people, people, you know, some people are in a, in a, a, a celebrate recovery. You gotta work the steps and you know, cool, if that's what you do, that's what you do like for me. I've worked those steps in the past. I've done them five times over.
Speaker 3:Last night I had a guy ask me during that live, you know, if I was working the steps and you know, and he's one of the admins, he's cool. I love this guy and I told him no, I'm currently not. We talked a little bit after the live and he got me thinking you know, with my self-healing and some of the stuff I I do need to work on, it might not be a bad idea for me to, you know, try to work the steps again at this stage of my life, because I'm thinking differently than I was before my 20s and my 30s. Like I'm 40 now. So it's like I'm over. I'm trying to live a little bit of life now. I've been dead all these years, if you ask me, all these years of using, I ain't been living, I've just been dying, yeah you're right.
Speaker 2:You're right about that. You are in a different place and their steps mean different things when you're in a different place. And that big step, step number one, they're right here on my wall. We admitted we were powerless and that our lives had become unmanageable. Right, you already know that. You know that happened. That is true. That is a step you have worked. But there's also the part about amends making amends. You also have to make amends to yourself, and I don't know if you've ever done that. You know we don't think so, right right.
Speaker 3:I mean I carry that burden about my sister. In that story you know we talked about like I carry that heart on my heart a lot and my kids losing them, like I beat myself up every day about it I do because you will differently this time, because there's different things on your heart.
Speaker 2:I chose to be self selfless than there was before so I chose to be selfish I chose to use drugs and and it's it's bad.
Speaker 3:You know, I did love my kids with all my heart. I love sober. I was good, like I was a great dad, and there's just times in my life I couldn't beat it and, like I said before, I'm thankful for that. You know, I'm thankful for it now yeah, as far as the group.
Speaker 3:Life went last night. Everything looked good, I was able to tell my, I was able to tell my story you know my testimony and people had a lot of feedback and there was comments going off all the time, but it went pretty good. I hope to do more of them because it's just going to get easier for me and the better I can get to talking to people and doing with my words and slowing myself down, I feel like I can really get my story out there and hopefully do some help.
Speaker 2:You know, every time for me I don't know how it is for you, but every time that I have told my story I won't say every time, but a lot of times that I've told my story something different comes up, like a different emotion, a different feeling or a different like Ooh, I might need to work on that.
Speaker 3:Yeah, or a different memory, and sometimes you even forget something in a testimony and then remember it in the next testimony.
Speaker 2:It's healing for you. You know it's healing for everybody, but it's really healing for us to be able to do that. And when those new things do come up, it's like, oh, I do have some things to work on, you know. So we're never done. We're never done with the work. This is lifetime, this is progress and, like I said, not perfection. We need to keep going. It's a lifetime journey. That doesn't mean that we have to worry about being sober, for a lifetime.
Speaker 2:We just got to worry about it being today, right, One day at a time, and I know that's cliche and everybody's like you know when they hear it, but it's the absolute truth.
Speaker 3:Like I come home and like I, every day I go to work, work. You know I try to be in a good mood, I try to be that guy to everybody else. Like I make them tell me good morning. Like, hey, I don't let the younger guys walk past me without telling me good morning and I go. You better tell flip good morning or he's gonna ride your ass all day because that I do. I want to make sure everybody's you know having a good day and joke around and then you know, something might bring me down on the way home and once I get home, you know, maybe I see something about my kids and I get upset. Whatever it might be like I will go to bed, I'll play on it hard and then I wake up the day being thankful that I'm here, that I'm sober, and I don't carry that in from last, you know, into that next day. I just start over every day.
Speaker 2:Every day. Every day is a new day, right? It doesn't mean we're not going to get down. It doesn't mean we're not going to get sad. It doesn't mean we're not going to have a hard day.
Speaker 3:You have plenty of them.
Speaker 2:It just means you're learning new tips, tricks, tools in your toolbox to get through those days.
Speaker 3:Yes.
Speaker 2:And our toolbox keeps getting bigger.
Speaker 3:I need a roll around one right now, right.
Speaker 2:And it keeps getting bigger, and it keeps getting bigger, and now you've got the biggest Snap-on toolbox there is.
Speaker 3:Yeah, at least I had to pay Snap-on prices for this, but actually with all the bail money and all the parties, I'm done with it.
Speaker 2:You've paid a few times over and you know that's another side of it too. Just the money, the money through this process is ridiculous, ridiculous, and you know I've beat myself up over that over the years. I'm like I can't change that let that go, you know what I mean. Those are things you did to yourself.
Speaker 3:Let that go yeah, not only did we like, spend a lot of money, like, as far as me, like what I was using. You know I spent a lot of money using, but when I was sober I was still always chasing that money. You know what I mean. Like money was everything to me. It always was like saying grow up with it. I wanted to have a nice house, I wanted to have nice cars. I was gonna prove to everyone I went to school with that. I was more than what people thought I was, you know and like.
Speaker 3:But now, like I really don't make much money on the hour like I used to make. Now, like I did in boston, out there I made like 16 hour. Here I'm only making 20 bucks an hour and I, you know, you know child support still comes out and like. So I'm living, check to check. But in saying all that, you know I'm happier than I've ever been. You know I got a 99 little crappy Honda with 400,000 miles, like it is a turd bucket but it does not break down. It gets me to work and home every day. It does not leave me stranded.
Speaker 3:You know, I come payday I might have $20 in my checking account. But hey, it's $20 in my checking account. It's not negative, you know. And I've got food in my fridge and my dog's fed.
Speaker 2:You're not chasing, chasing, chasing, chasing all the time.
Speaker 4:You know what I?
Speaker 2:mean you. Just it becomes like a time in your life you just want peace.
Speaker 3:Exactly.
Speaker 2:You just want peace and if people are going to love me.
Speaker 3:They're going to love me for me, like I'm not going to sit here and try to please people like that, like I have in the past.
Speaker 3:I know I have a good heart and like I've been through some crap and everybody has and some of the things I've done I'm not happy with. But at the same time God's always been by my side. He's always had my hand. I've always felt conviction when I've done things. It's not like I knew and never thought about it. You know what I mean. Like it might've been week later, two weeks later, but there, you know, it came. Like when I come down and I thought about what I did, like oh man, I have one flip. Like I don't know if he's going to forgive you for that one, but God, is good God is good.
Speaker 3:He. You know the sins of sin, no little, no matter how little or how big, it's all same. And he forgives us just the same.
Speaker 2:So absolutely, absolutely. And you're out there and you're doing good work. You're doing good things and it's coming from your heart and you know you're you're encouraging and you're hopeful and helpful to others and that comes from you know you turn your pain into purpose, right. Yes, and it doesn't mean you don't still have pain, but turning it into purpose and trying to help the next person up is huge.
Speaker 3:It's huge. That's a blessing.
Speaker 2:That's a blessing.
Speaker 3:That's what I talk about. Just, you know, finding beauty in that struggle, you know what I mean. Finding the shine in your storm, like there is always something that you can get from that, you know always, always and it's.
Speaker 2:It's not about waiting for the storm to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain.
Speaker 3:Exactly that's one of my favorite quotes. I used to say that all the time.
Speaker 2:I think I got it from a chicken.
Speaker 3:What is it called soup?
Speaker 2:chicken soup oh for the soul, yeah that one.
Speaker 3:Yeah that, I got that quote from that. I read it years ago, I am that's. A lot of people too. They ask me, like, how do you come up with your different reels and stuff like that? And, man, one of my biggest inspirations is a guy named trent sheldon.
Speaker 3:I don't know if you've ever oh yeah, and like I've, watched that guy for probably the last seven years and, like he, he might not have suffered addiction the way I have, but he is like his words, his motivation, the way he talks. He speaks to everyone. It don't matter what walk of life you've been in, whether you've been in the alley, shooting dope or you know, or something financial or whatever it might have been. I don't know how to say it, but he's just, he's the man.
Speaker 2:Like his words, speak truth and he's like one of my biggest inspirations. Yeah, I listened to him. I got his new book protect your peace.
Speaker 3:I was on the pre-order.
Speaker 2:You know what I mean? Yeah, him forever. Um, he has really inspired me and, and you're right, he hasn't maybe been through some of the same things that we've been through, but it doesn't matter, it doesn't.
Speaker 3:He had his whole life set for him. Here's a man going to the NFL making money and all that happened. He changed his perspective. That's something I say a lot and that's something I picked up from him.
Speaker 2:That's true, changing your perspective is powerful and it will change your world I have a friend you, I have a friend right now and I'm talking with her daily and one of the things that she walks around saying that I want her to change is I'm broken. No, no, you're not.
Speaker 2:Stop that right now and say I'm healing, I'm freaking resilient. I got through all the things that I got through. You're not stopped walking around with that negativity of I'm broken and change that wording and that perspective and that things that I got through. You're not stopped walking around with that negativity of I'm broken and change that wording and that perspective and that mindset that I am healing and and that's a huge and that you know Trent Shelton does that that's a huge just mindset shift. All those I am statements, you know, and that's huge in mental wellness is getting getting your mind right.
Speaker 3:A lot of people probably would watch a video of him. That was, like you know, in recovery and probably not think too much of it. But if you gave that guy a chance and you really listened to his words, it helps you in every aspect of life. It honestly does.
Speaker 2:You know I listen to a lot of people, I listen to a lot of books and a lot of, and those are things that help me in recovery. You know what I mean, and not just in recovery, everyday life, you know what I mean Just life lessons, having that like routine in the morning and the things that you do for yourself to just start your day right. That makes a big deal for me, maybe not for everybody, but that's a big thing for me just to continue to keep that mindset and that growth Right. Yeah, and mental health I mean that's a part of all. Part of mental health is keeping your mindset Right. So not always easy.
Speaker 3:No, no, it's not no.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:That'll be real.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and life's not like a bucket of cherries all the time. You know what I mean For anybody. So everybody's got to work on that and try to keep their mindset right. So I appreciate so much what you're out there doing and I am excited to share this episode because I've been watching you. I don't even know how I started seeing your stuff. I don't even know where it came up, where it was probably the recovery group because, like I said, I wasn't sharing.
Speaker 3:I just had my friends on my Facebook that I was sharing my content to and no one really even understands what I'm going through. You know, on my Facebook, like 2% might be users of my Facebook friends. And so when I finally found Recovery Groups Online, which was just less than like three weeks ago, you know, I just happened to share something in there, you know, and I had a lady hit me up not too long ago. She said she didn't know what to do. She said I've been using, I've been wanting to quit, and I just I just don't know what to do. And I get, I told her like look, I'm not being a dick when I say this, forgive my life, but I told her and I won't go into detail, but I was very blunt with her and she went to rehab that night and she's still, she's still there 12 days later.
Speaker 3:So like, and I get people like I had a son's mom hit me up and she said hey, my son's, you know, 18 years old, he's in rehab, he's wanting to leave there and go um out to san diego, california. Can you please talk to him, you know? So I tried to talk to him and I my facebook goes off every day, all day, and and so it's like I'm not a counselor, I'm not a drug addiction specialist, but I'm going to do my part. If there's something I can say that makes sense to someone else and reaches them, then I'm going to take the time to do it. But my variety is number one and if somebody's needing to talk to me, I'm there for them. I don't say that stuff in my videos just to say it. I mean people can actually reach out to me.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you know, I did go and get my peer recovery support specialist certification.
Speaker 2:I did get that in my you know, transformation life coach certifications and all those things because a lot of people do talk to me about recovery and about those things, and I'm not a counselor, I'm not a therapist. We got to be clear about that. We're not here to diagnose anybody or anything like that. But we can visit with people that just need to talk and that need to chat and need some resources, and most people want to know what has worked for you.
Speaker 2:Like she said what do I do, what can I do? Well, all you can really do is tell her what you would do or what you can what. Like, like she said what do I do, what can I do? Well, all you can really do is tell her what you would do or what you can do, Right, and and that's, you know, it's just giving that support. It's really just about being there to support people and and see that our world makes a change for the better. You know, because we're killing ourselves. We're literally killing ourselves over some nasty, disgusting drugs that we're putting in our body.
Speaker 3:It's either we're dying together or living together. I mean we need to be there for everybody and we need to, you know, root each other on and like these recovery groups online and doing like this with the podcast, like it's awesome, it's a whole new world I knew nothing about until in the last month and it's really like fueled me. It's my new kind of habit, like I'm just going hard every day at it, like this is my life right now and I'm loving it.
Speaker 2:I think it's great. I think it's great and you know, just putting that to again it's just turning your pain into purpose and it makes us feel so much better too, because I don't know about you, but during addiction and during all of those many years of crazy, you know we hurt a lot of people. We're taking, taking, taking basically you know what I? Mean Hurting a lot of people and doing all that, and it feels good to be able to give back you know it's like it's very, it's very humbling.
Speaker 2:It's humbling, it's healing, it's I don't know. It's just a beautiful thing to be able to see the spark in someone's eyes again. You know, you can see the happiness or just see the joy coming back, because you do lose that you absolutely lose that and you almost feel dead inside.
Speaker 3:I have had a couple of you know message or comment on my stuff. They say you have such a glow to you.
Speaker 2:It's not, though it's not, though. No, it really isn't.
Speaker 3:I can see it in my eyes and anybody's eyes that have been through hell with addiction, when they're doing right. You know, know, I mean, you just see it as well and I could feel it.
Speaker 2:I could feel it coming from you, and that's why I reached out to you people that I've had people comment about my facebook page.
Speaker 3:Like when I was setting this up, when I was doing my videos, everything, I started getting all these things about monetization and all this. I don't know nothing about that stuff. So I'm setting it up and like I'm figuring I thought I was making a payout account to like get paid from facebook for ads. Well then it's like subscribers, and now I can't even get that off my page. It's on there, and so I've told people please, you know, don't? I don't want anybody that's listening to my stories or my advice to pay for my content, like if they end up subscribing. I, I'm sorry, you can subscribe, but you're not going to get anything extra. You know what I mean, because it's like I'm there for everybody.
Speaker 3:I'm not there to make money off of people who are going through addiction. If I'm going to get paid, let Facebook pay me, for some reason or something, but hey.
Speaker 2:Right, right, I did the same thing, flip. I was starting my podcast and, right as I was like starting something new, and I lost my page Right. And now it's changed to like I don't even know what it says digital something or other. I don't know about all that stuff either. I don't have any idea about how all that works Starting from scratch. One follower, two followers because, it's.
Speaker 2:I don't care about that. I don't care about any of that. That doesn't like. That is not what fuels me to want to help anybody. You know what I mean.
Speaker 3:As far as like, followers for me, like it doesn't bother me if they unfollow me, but I do get super excited when I get new followers, cause I know that might be somebody to you know somebody else that might be able to hear my story and it might not help them, but if they happen to share it to someone else and it's a family friend, a son, a cousin, a brother that might need it, then yeah, that's awesome you know, but I'm definitely not there for the subscribers and that money.
Speaker 3:I think one person actually subscribed to me today and they're gonna be upset because I don't like, if I'm posting stuff there, I'm posting for everybody. You're not getting that exclusive, because that's not what I'm there for. Like, thank you, I appreciate the 99 cents, whoever you were.
Speaker 4:But I'm sorry we're not getting that exclusive because that's not what I'm there for.
Speaker 3:Thank you, I appreciate the 99 cents, whoever you are, but I'm sorry, we're not technical.
Speaker 2:We're not technical people. We're not IT people.
Speaker 3:No, definitely not, that my videos come out the way they do.
Speaker 2:You're lucky you're getting that, because I'm not an editor, I'm not a videographer, I'm none of that when Mariana listens to this she's going to laugh because I've got somebody that helps me with my back end stuff on the podcast, because I'm like I don't know, I'm getting better. I'm not going to say I'm not technical anymore, I'm getting way better. I'm getting better, I'm getting way better, and I'm learning as I go, so that's all we can do.
Speaker 3:That's all we can do is be the best version of us every day. Just keep going.
Speaker 2:We're doing well. Thank you very much, flip, for everything that you do, everything you're doing out there, and I'm really happy for you, really proud of you. We don't really know each other. This is all new, Like we haven't been longtime friends. That's just me, from my heart, saying I'm very proud of you and very happy for you on your recovery and what you're doing. You and very happy for you on your recovery and what you're doing. And I can definitely I didn't know you before, but I can definitely see where you're headed and it's all good things.
Speaker 3:I appreciate that and I'm proud of you too. I know you've had a story and I'm glad you're here with us and I appreciate you having me.
Speaker 2:Thank you so much, and we'll we're going to be talking and we'll do something together. We'll be doing more, I feel it. So I appreciate you so much.
Speaker 3:Appreciate you have a good day.
Speaker 2:Have a great Sunday, okay.
Speaker 3:You too.
Speaker 1:I am so grateful that you joined me for this week's episode of breakfast of choices. If you're enjoying this podcast, please subscribe, give it five stars and share it to help others find hope and encouragement. The opposite of addiction is connection, and we are all in this together. Telling your transformational story can also be an incredible form of healing, so if you would like to share it, I would love to hear it. You can also follow me on social media. Like to share it? I would love to hear it. You can also follow me on social media. I'm your host, jo Summers, and I can't wait to bring you another story next week. Stay with me for more Transformational Thursdays.