Welcome to another episode of "Breakfast of Choices". I have Guest James Low with me today on the show. James opens up about his difficult journey of overcoming addiction and childhood trauma to find mental freedom. He got real about the neglect and abuse he experienced as a child and how that led him to people-pleasing behaviors and eventually drug use as a way to escape painful emotions. James shared his story of active addiction, from doctor shopping to heroin and his desire to get clean before getting arrested. He also discussed his experiences with various rehab programs and how they helped him start to address the root causes of his struggles.
James detailed his ongoing personal growth journey, from learning to process emotions in a healthy way to aligning his gut health and mindset. His gut health journey led him to join Amare, which focuses on the gut-brain axis. He also found alternative therapies like Emotion Code particularly impactful in releasing trapped emotions from past trauma.
You’ll be inspired by James' daily choices over the past 13 years to face adversity through small goals and personal reflection rather than perfection. I hope his story provides hope and practical tools for anyone dealing with mental health issues or addiction who wants to transform their life through self-awareness and healing.
From Rock Bottom to Rock Solid.
We all have them...every single day, we wake up, we have the chance to make new choices.
We have the power to make our own daily, "Breakfast of Choices"
Resources and ways to connect:
Facebook: Jo Summers
Instagram: @Summersjol
Facebook Support: Chance For Change Women’s circle
National suicide prevention and crisis, hotline number 988
National domestic violence hotline:
800–799–7233
National hotline for substance abuse, and addiction:
844–289–0879
National mental health hotline:
866–903–3787
National child health and child abuse hotline:
800–422–4454
CoDa.org
12. Step recovery program for codependency.
Welcome to another episode of "Breakfast of Choices". I have Guest James Low with me today on the show. James opens up about his difficult journey of overcoming addiction and childhood trauma to find mental freedom. He got real about the neglect and abuse he experienced as a child and how that led him to people-pleasing behaviors and eventually drug use as a way to escape painful emotions. James shared his story of active addiction, from doctor shopping to heroin and his desire to get clean before getting arrested. He also discussed his experiences with various rehab programs and how they helped him start to address the root causes of his struggles.
James detailed his ongoing personal growth journey, from learning to process emotions in a healthy way to aligning his gut health and mindset. His gut health journey led him to join Amare, which focuses on the gut-brain axis. He also found alternative therapies like Emotion Code particularly impactful in releasing trapped emotions from past trauma.
You’ll be inspired by James' daily choices over the past 13 years to face adversity through small goals and personal reflection rather than perfection. I hope his story provides hope and practical tools for anyone dealing with mental health issues or addiction who wants to transform their life through self-awareness and healing.
From Rock Bottom to Rock Solid.
We all have them...every single day, we wake up, we have the chance to make new choices.
We have the power to make our own daily, "Breakfast of Choices"
Resources and ways to connect:
Facebook: Jo Summers
Instagram: @Summersjol
Facebook Support: Chance For Change Women’s circle
National suicide prevention and crisis, hotline number 988
National domestic violence hotline:
800–799–7233
National hotline for substance abuse, and addiction:
844–289–0879
National mental health hotline:
866–903–3787
National child health and child abuse hotline:
800–422–4454
CoDa.org
12. Step recovery program for codependency.
Welcome to Breakfast of Choices, the weekly podcast that shares life stories of transformation. Each episode holds space for people to tell their true, raw and unedited story of overcoming intense adversity. From addiction and incarceration, mental illness, physical and emotional abuse, domestic violence, toxic families, codependency and more. Trauma comes in so many forms. I'm your host, jo Summers, and also someone who hit my lowest point before realizing that I could wake up every day and make a better choice, even if it was a small one. So let's dive into this week's story together to learn from and find hope through someone's journey from rock bottom to rock solid, because I really do believe you have a new chance every day to wake up and make a change, to create your own. Breakfast of Choices.
Speaker 2:Good morning, welcome to Breakfast of Choices Life Stories of Transformation from rock bottom to rock solid. I'm your host, jo Summers. I am here this morning, or I should say, james is here with me this morning. James Lowe I met James through, really through a friend on Facebook. We are in the same project. It's a mental wellness company. It's a mental wellness project through a company called Amari. It's A-M-A-R-E and Amari has really developed products that are all about mental wellness, your brain, your gut, access and bringing those things together and really understanding the impact that mental wellness has on people. And James and I have kind of just been chatting about it and have come together. I'm going to let James kind of share his story this morning and we're just going to talk a little bit about it. Good morning, james.
Speaker 3:Good morning how are you doing? I am wonderful.
Speaker 2:I'm happy to have you. You're going to share your story a little bit this morning.
Speaker 3:Since we definitely met through the mental wellness project. I think that that's a good focus for sure, and I started my mental wellness project my personal mental wellness project in 2011, when I was in active addiction, trying to figure out a way out. I struggled a lot with codependency and some emotional abuse, mainly neglect, some narcissism. So there was a lot of things that I spent my childhood just running from, trying to escape feelings I didn't want to feel because they, well, they didn't feel good. So, in that, it kind of just led me to people pleasing those sorts of things, just trying to avoid the next pain, and as I grew older, I ended up turning to drugs because the next pain, as I grew older, I ended up turning to drugs because, well, they offered a nice escape from the mental chaos that I experienced.
Speaker 2:You said people-pleasing. Did you find yourself trying to calm the chaos in your home? You were the one that was trying to make everything right, I was the black sheep.
Speaker 3:I was more or less the one that created the problems, if you will, and that was kind of my way of escaping it. I wanted essentially, I was seeking attention and I wasn't getting it, so I created the chaos in order to get the attention. And that was my way of of escaping the, the, the problems you know what I mean and then eventually just led to neglect, because my parents knew it was like the boy with the red wolf, which that was traumatic as a kid too, which that led to I learned that I just need to make people laugh. When I get people to laugh, that I get their attention. And then that also led to feelings of like I was helping people you know, I mean this creating little dopamines.
Speaker 3:Then it was just like I tried to become this class act comedian where I just had everybody laughing all the time. You know what I mean. Because I felt and as I got older it led to I just didn't care about people anymore because I found drugs I say weed, but weed was never really a problem, it was always more of a medical type thing. It wasn't until I got into pain pills that I really found an escape that I couldn't like. I like that, like that's a good place to be. At least, that's what I felt at the moment.
Speaker 3:So I leaned heavy into that, not knowing because when I got into it I say when I got into obese I was still young. I don't want to say the information wasn't there, because it was, but I was still young and I was still naive to the fact that they were as detrimental as they were. Of course I spent my whole life dealing with ADHD. So my parents took me to the doctor and I always just believed the doctor. It was well the doctor. They spent years educating themselves about this stuff. They just know.
Speaker 3:So I took medicine the way that I was supposed to from ADHD. So when I hurt my back I just did the same thing. Went to the doctor. They said oh, you got to go like this, take this medication. So I took the medication just like I was supposed to. Like this, take this medication. So I took the medication just like I was supposed to.
Speaker 3:And that was that was really good, because then I had like nobody could take, nobody could say anything to me about that escape, like the doctor was giving me permission to escape. I didn't realize it at the time. That was the worst, because once I got into it with the doctor, long story short, we had a negative um confrontation which literally led me to getting kicked out of the doctor's office, and at that point it turned to doctor shopping the streets just to avoid the next pain, the pain of being dose sick. I didn't want to feel that. I didn't want to feel sick, so I just focused on that stuff Again. I led the doctor shopping and everything else eventually led to heroin because it was cheap. I lost my job in that whole process and I never went back to my job because I'd already.
Speaker 3:That was a career type thing. It was something that I was going to be doing long-term and I knew that I was in bad shape. So and I didn't want to ruin that, and I don't even remember thinking that like consciously in the moment, it was almost like and this is really weird, I was just having a conversation about this the other day like it was almost divine guidance and it was almost. I kind of feel like my rebellion in life was divine guidance. It's weird because I didn't have a reason to do some of the things that I did. I didn't have a reason to rebel. I of the things that I did, I didn't have a reason to rebel, I just rebelled. I'm just like wow, I do it like that. Like, for what reason are we doing it like that? For Almost like it was divine guidance. You know what I mean. Some divine being was telling me to question it.
Speaker 2:So you had lost your job.
Speaker 3:Lost my job and something told me not to go back. So I never went back. Thankfully, that's what allowed me to get to the point where I'm at now, but because after I got out of prison and everything else, I was able to go back to electrical work why did you go to prison?
Speaker 3:I actually got laid off from electrical work in in of 2011, and I didn't get in trouble until October of 2011. So in that whole time I didn't have a job. I was hustling, selling drugs, just doing whatever I could do to make money, stealing, a lot of stealing. The most important part of that whole time period, from October or from January to October, was for like the last three months of it. I wanted out and I didn't know how to get out of it. But I just remember thinking like how do I just not, how do I not use these drugs all the time? Like I don't, like I just didn't. I was so.
Speaker 3:The lifestyle was exhausting. You know what I mean. And coming from like I had a good job, Like I was making more money than all my friends, I was making $45,000 a year at like 21, 22 years old, which was way more than all my other friends were making, Right? So coming from that and then living this life where it was just so hard, it's like I wake up in the morning and it's like dang, where am I going to get the $40 to keep from being sent to me? Yeah, oh, kind of shady stuff in my mind Like that.
Speaker 2:Mm-hmm.
Speaker 3:And I didn't want to do that. And I remember thinking like three days, three or four days before I got locked up, like that's how I'm going to have to declin, like the detox is that you could, you could put me in a, you could remove me from this environment, and I'm going to find a way, make a way, if I have to, to get back to that environment in order to get that fixed. Like I kept going through this, I was trying to quit and trying to quit, and then I would get sick and then I would go like two or three days and then I just couldn't take it no more. And then I would. I would do whatever it took to to get that next fix. And at that point I realized that they were gonna have to lock me in a box. And I think it was more of a subconscious decision because I knew that that was what was going to have to happen.
Speaker 3:But on the morning of October 17th, the same thing had happened. I woke my baby mama up. She's like, no, I'm not getting up. So I went back to sleep. She got up while I was sleeping, left off doing what she was doing, and when I woke up about 9.30, she still wasn't there. My phone was gone. I made it to like 11 30, called my sister to find out where my phone was and she said it was at the sheriff's department and I knew that they were gonna come pick me up at that point. So, like I said, I think it was more of a subconscious decision like this is it? This is my time. I didn't realize how much trouble I was going to be getting in and I felt that I could just do a couple weeks in jail, get clean and never have to go back to this again like that one I guess this is like looking back on it, I kind of feel like that's what I was thinking.
Speaker 2:Yeah, subconsciously so tell me, why did your, how was your phone all of a sudden at the police department?
Speaker 3:Because my baby mom took my car and she took my phone with her so that she could, because she didn't have a phone, a working phone. Where I was staying. There was a working phone there so we could stay in touch if anything happened. So she would go out and break into houses and commit the crimes and then she would come back either with things that we could sell or things that she had already sold, have money, and then I would go. I knew the dope man so I would go get the drugs. So when she had broke into a house, stashed the stuff in the woods where she had parked the car, it was really suspicious and they got a call about a suspicious vehicle. So after she got done in the house she was coming back to the house. This cop was waiting there at the car they had taken her to, arrested her and taken her to jail. Because when she came out of the house at least this is what I was told when she came out of the house she stashed the stuff in the woods and then came back to the house. But anyway, I'm getting too much into detail. Anyway, that's how my phone got back to the at the sheriff's department. But I knew then that he had gotten called and I was like, wow, my time's up. You know, I mean I already had a warrant for my arrest, for transferring to see you install the property. So I knew that I was going to jail and, like I said, I think subconsciously, I was thinking that I was just going to use this to go to jail for a couple weeks or whatever. You know what I mean get sober. So I didn't have to have these, this ball and chain just weighing me down, because I wanted to get back to where I had money in my pocket. I think at the time it was probably. I wanted the money in my pocket so that I could get more drugs, because that was the escape that I was looking for. Nonetheless, it felt like it would be to a much better place. So, yeah, I went to jail that day, and that was the matter of fact the day before. When I did my last shot of dope that night, I remember thinking I cooked up the drugs and I pulled it up into the needle and I remember thinking why am I doing this to myself? You know, like, how do I stop? Yeah, and I looked at the clock and it was 923. And that's the last shot of dope I ever did and I'll never do it again. Got chills. Yeah, they say you'll never forget your last time, right, right. So, moving on from that because that wasn't my last bout with addiction I thought it was going to be After that I'd done four months in jail, posted bond, checked into a rehab.
Speaker 3:Actually I did 27 days, but they give me credit for 28 because I had improved so much. I did 27 days in inpatient rehab. I got out, checked into an outpatient rehab. I went to an outpatient rehab three days a week. I took drug tests twice a week. I went to an NA or an AA meeting every single day and I had somebody sign a paper. I took all that documentation to court on my criminal charges, trying to get the least amount of time I could get. I did all of that.
Speaker 2:At that time, jay, were you going through that for yourself and doing it for yourself to get clean, or were you doing that to appease the court?
Speaker 3:Part of me wants to say the court and part of me wants to say myself. And I say that and I'll give you the reasons. The part of me that says for the court was because I knew when I got out of jail I knew that I would not do heroin again like I didn't need. I didn't need, I didn't need somebody else to help me make that decision or help persuade me. Like a lot of people, when they get out of jail, when they get out of rehab, they they get out with the intent to get more. Like I didn't get out with the intent to get more. I didn't want no more, I didn't want any more of that.
Speaker 3:It led me to a very bad place and I just wasn't interested in in that and I think mainly because I had experienced a level in life that a lot of addicts never get to experience. They never get to experience making forty five thousand dollars a year paying on my bills at 20, at 1921 years old, like I was living the high life for a 1920 and 120, like I was living good. And I got to experience all of that before I got into addiction and a lot of people that that are in addiction never get to experience that. You know what I'm saying. So like gave me. I already had a big picture. Like just let me get back to that point. I just want to get back to that point.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:So I think that's the fortunate, that's something that was very it's a very fortunate circumstance for me because a lot of people never get to experience that Right Right.
Speaker 2:And I just wanted to kind of put that out there, that you were doing this for yourself, because a lot of people are trying to get clean, to appease the court or get their documents, or you know, take them here, take them there and do all those things, but that's not for yourself.
Speaker 3:Yeah, that's kind of why I said I was doing it for the court, because, like I said, I knew I didn't realize how much I needed to learn in order to not do the drugs anymore. You know what I mean? I really it wasn't until I got into the rehabs and things that I realized I was like oh, oh, oh, this is a lot more than I thought it was going to be. Do you know what I mean? And then, even after that, and even after all of that all the, the, the rehabs, the I did all of that I got sentenced to three years in jail. They gave me time credit. I did 31 consecutive months. I got out in February of 2015. And then that's kind of like the beginning of my journey, because even after I got out of jail, like I did well for 15 months I got I discharged my sentence. 15 months after I discharged my sentence, 15 months after I got out of prison, I discharged my sentence, a 30-year sentence. So that was like a huge weight. And then that was kind of like where it all started again, because then I had the freedom to choose if I wanted to smoke weed and I didn't have the accountability of the courts and I could choose if I wanted to do the pills, sports where and I didn't have. And I could choose if I wanted to do the pills or.
Speaker 3:And then the real test was like, if I ever hurt myself and I got to the went to the doctor and they tried to prescribe me pain pills. Because I and I had this blueprint in my head that we should listen to the doctor. They're smarter than me, they're they've, they're educated, they're. They know what's best for me, they're doing what's best for me. And I was worried that I wasn't going to be, couldn't get into the dentist or I can't remember what it was. But for some reason I went to the hospital and the hospital I told the people at the hospital I was like, look, I'm not, I don't want painkillers. I want an antibiotic because I need to kill the infection in my tooth. I do not want painkillers. They still gave me painkillers and fortunately I had good people around me In the moment. I didn't have a problem saying no to filling that script. I didn't have.
Speaker 3:I know that a lot of the strength that I gained in that moment was the fact that I had these good people around me to hold me accountable and I had done everything that I could to change my people and places and things to make sure that I didn't go back to that realm, back to that life. So again, I would like to take credit for having that strength, but I don't think that I can. I think it was the fact that I had these people around me that I knew would hold me accountable, that I knew time it happened I could make that same decision again. I'm even trying to get to the point where I don't even take Tylenol or Advil because I'm learning that all of these things, they got toxins in them that are just made to keep you in this loop, to just keep forking money over to Big Pharma, working money over to big pharma. I don't. I've kind of cut all these chemicals out because I know that they're, they're put into these products to keep you going back to the doctor, to keep you going to needing that, that prescription, to keep you needing those things.
Speaker 3:So it's kind of like when I started to address my triggers and and why it was kind of like. Well, this is why this is coming up, like the, the things that I'm consuming, consuming I'm putting this on my body while your skin is your largest organ and it absorbs everything that's in your clothes. So it's like all these toxins, my body and it's triggering these, these effects, and it's like, oh, I just need to go get this medicine. Wait once. You yeah, you start consuming the right things and you get your gut in line. That makes making the better choice a lot easier. I'm I'm actually baffled. At once you start aligning your gut brain axis, like how easy it is to make choice.
Speaker 3:It's like because before I was unmotivated procrastination, always chose to procrastinate. And now, even just coming on this and having on this podcast with you, like I started to procrastinate this at first. It's like, well, let me write down my story and try to figure it out. And I came back. It's like, no, let's just do it Once you, once I started learning that, like it's made, I can go around the people that are doing it and I don't.
Speaker 3:It doesn't. It used to trigger me, like I used to want, because then I felt I felt wanted, I felt like I fit in, I felt like I accepted you know what I mean whereas in my head, like in my head, like I was just seeking validation. And now, once you start addressing the things between your ears and the things in your heart, and you start standing up to those. I guess we'll call it demons, you know what I mean. You start facing those head on, without trying to mask the way they make you feel, without trying to cover up, without trying to mask the way they make you feel, without trying to cover up, without trying to run from Right.
Speaker 3:Then you start addressing them. And once you start addressing them, it's like I said, when you get around those people, they're like yeah, it's if you need help. And that's kind of what I do, like, look, if you need help, I'm here for you. You know what I mean.
Speaker 2:No.
Speaker 3:I will help you get out of that situation.
Speaker 2:But as far as participating I'm good, I just don't did you start working on your mindset and all of those things in rehab?
Speaker 3:so you know come to think about it, it was never. It was never a conscious decision to work on my mindset. To be honest, I don't know. Again, this goes back to that divine guidance.
Speaker 2:We started dealing with you started started. We talked before Wayne. We talked a little bit about narcissism and codependency and, you know, trauma. We talked a little bit about that and at some point you started recognizing that those were the issues and those were the things that you were running from. You're masking right.
Speaker 3:Absolutely so Right. And I and I and I'm still, even to this day, I'm still uncovering things that I do, that I only do them to to cover up or mask or get away from an emotion or a feeling. I do it with my wife, I do it with my kids. I say certain things to, or I say things in a certain way, or I do things in a certain way to make sure that I get a response that's pleasurable for all, and I've even had to learn that that can be detrimental. It's like that's my people pleasing. It's like you gotta live your life. They're meant to be in your life, they're going to be in your life, that's it.
Speaker 2:It's that validation, yeah, that validation.
Speaker 3:Running from, and that's all built in codependency.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:And then, of course, that led me to like all of that stems from the way you talk to yourself. Yes, the things that you say about yourself I can't like I've just removed can't from your vocabulary, that I consciously decided that I was going to talk to myself in a better fashion. I wasn't going to say I am tired, and I still struggle with it. There are days that go by and I'm like I'm tired and I catch myself. I'm like Ooh, I am not tired, I'm gaining strength. It's a constant battle, trying to reframe things, because that's all. It's all about perspective. It wasn't until that I started doing all of like the internal work that I realized like that that is what that's about. Like it's about like you have a choice when you wake up every day. I'm still fighting battles, there's still things I'm fixing about myself. Well, when you live in that survival mode, you tend to run from emotions instead of facing Sure. I learned that in the beginning of this whole process that I was very, very young as far as my emotional maturity level goes.
Speaker 3:Very young as far as my emotional maturity level goes. And so I responded to emotions or I react I can't even say responded, because I see response. When I respond to emotion, I see that as healthy, I see it as react as healthy, and I would react to a lot of emotions just because of how they made me feel in the moment of taking a moment to process that emotion face, that stand at most emotion in his face and look at it and say what are you, what are you trying to say to me? You know what I mean. And then once I started processing that and I could respond in a healthy manner and it's not so much of my ego responding right, because once I actually thinking that through.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I'm thinking it through right.
Speaker 3:I'm really into like the ascension process, me too. Yeah, once I learned that it's all about control, like self-control, because you find that in the discipline of self-control is where you can respond healthier, you can be healthier, you can create healthier things that feel better, can be healthier, you can create healthier things that feel better it's. I guess it goes back to the delayed gratification thing and the act of addiction. It's like it's everything is now, now, now now I want the gratification now.
Speaker 3:So once you learn to kind of resolve the gratification and okay, well, we're gonna wait and see what happens. Maybe it's gonna be better later, maybe the gratification it's gonna feel better later and Maybe the gratification it's going to feel better later. And once you get to that point, oh man, it's like a game. At that point it's like, oh, how good can this get? You know what I mean.
Speaker 2:Well, you also learn to love yourself, not only self-care, but self-love. You had to learn to love yourself and it's obvious that you have, just by the things that you're talking about, right've been talking about the processes. You've learned to love yourself. That's it, gate changer, right? You can't.
Speaker 3:And I'm learning. Like you can't love people the way they deserve to be loved until you learn to love yourself the way you deserve to be loved.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you can't offer love until you have love for yourself. You can't give anything you don't have.
Speaker 3:And I give kudos to my wife. She's an absolute godsend because she's dealt with me through this whole process and she I mean looking back at all of it. She doesn't have a reason to stay with me, but she does. She gives me an opportunity to keep improving and to keep pushing. She's been phenomenal. It's been really tough for her because she's and, like I said, I give a lot of respect to her. I hope she can stick it out because it's going to be amazing once I get to where I need to be I can't even say once I. It's getting better and better every day. I can't say like I got, I'm chasing this destination, because I'm not chasing a destination at all. As much as I'm like I can, I can see the progress of my life just getting better and we're working through our differences and having the uncomfortable conversations and it's getting better having emotions and allowing yourself to have the emotions and feel them and talk about them.
Speaker 3:Uh, it's huge because I've absolutely fallen apart emotionally and as a man that is tough. You know what I mean, and it's really unattractive for a woman to see a man fall apart emotionally. I mean, at least from what I'm learning, you know what I mean. I don't really know. It's got to be unattractive.
Speaker 2:I don't feel that way. I don't feel that way as a woman. Seeing a man fall apart emotionally is unattractive, because you are learning how to work on your own right, and I guess that's what I mean.
Speaker 3:Being emotionally weak has got to be unattractive. The fact that I, that I've recognized that I was emotionally a child and I've and I'm doing the things to grow in that room I can see that being attracted. But and I think that's again a back to perspective, you know, I mean maturity, emotional immaturity no, that's not attractive.
Speaker 2:I think, yeah, recognizing that and what you need to work on, and and falling apart is okay. It's the rebuilding process, you know, and you have to fall apart sometimes to rebuild. You know, you're learning to love yourself, she's loving you, you're loving her. That's, that's beautiful it's.
Speaker 3:It's tough sometimes because it makes me emotional yeah, and that, and I've always tried to avoid that, which I probably shouldn't, because I always fear. And again, this is all validation seeking. I've learned that, yeah, and better ways to go about it yeah, what people think when I get like that. And then I'm learning that the vulnerability in that is what people are seeking. People are seeking people.
Speaker 2:That's a beautiful gift to give yourself and to give to your wife being vulnerable and letting her see the raw is new.
Speaker 3:I think that's probably the most intentional thing that I've done from the beginning. Was it started out as just being honest? Well, and I don't even think I said it as honest as much as I said as being real, it's just be real, whole being real thing. Like I, I realized that once I started verbalizing some of the feelings that I had that were very real in me, and then I then I saw how people reacted to them. I saw how they made me feel I was like, oh yeah, that's, I don't want that to be real about me, and so that was a tough thing to look in the mirror and I realize that that's a lot of the reason why people never do this kind of this dark work, this, this.
Speaker 3:I think some people go a shadow work or yeah yeah, like a lot of people don't want to do it. Just for that reason. It's like I'm I'm cool with, I'll just be be an alcoholic for the rest of my life, just so I don't have to do that. And I see people every day just like that. I go home and get a beer. You know what I mean? There's many things Ambling sex. I've had battles with porn. I had to realize, oh my gosh, what am I doing to myself? Just these are all addictions that people have that I'm even fought with. Oh yeah, after I got married I realized I got. I went back to the doctor trying to do the right thing for my mental wellness and, long story short, they ended up prescribing me Xanax, which is one of the very drugs that led me to prison and addiction and everything else. And I was like man, is this stupid? I'm not doing it. I was eating until the day I die before I ever go back to the doctor and accept that from them.
Speaker 2:I'm not doing it Good for you, good for you for recognizing that.
Speaker 3:That was really tough, because even now, like I lose my job because of it, if I have to take a drug test, and you know what I said I will accept and face every consequence that comes with that, so long as I don't have to go back to that place. Yeah, and I'm to the point now where I'm learning that I don't need that anymore. I've done enough shadow work that I don't need that anymore. So I'm going through the process of cutting that out of my life. And one thing that I've learned when you do these things is don't focus, don't focus on the, the, the biggest goal. Don't stay focused on that. Break that big goal down into smaller goals and then even even smaller goals if you have to, and just focus on those and then eventually you're going to get to that big goal. So I set a big goal and then I set smaller goals and it was just that's kind of what they teach you. And just for today, just for today, you're not going to use drugs.
Speaker 3:And then it got to a point where it was like, just for today I'm going to go to the gym. Just for today, I'm going to not be so mean to people. Just for today I'm going to give a compliment to somebody. And I kept doing these smaller things that kept allowing me to get to bigger places and better places.
Speaker 2:Absolutely, absolutely. I love that. You and I talked on the phone last week and you know we had a conversation and we obviously had a lot of things in common and with where we've been, where we've gone, where we're going, and we really probably could talk about these things for hours. Right, talking about the working on ourselves. Yeah Right, we need a part two. Yeah right, we need a part two, but I think it's great, because these are not things we talked about when we were in active addiction. Right, we didn't talk about anything, we didn't share anything. Talk about anything, get to the root of anything and so when you finally start doing that, it's so healing and freeing that you just want to talk about all the time, right you?
Speaker 3:know I've learned it is. All of these things that we're talking about are what people need to hear, and there's never a you say never, but because they're definitely growing. There's more places to go to and hear how people got through these types of things than there's ever been, but when I was in, when I started in 2011, like there weren't a lot of places that I could go to learn how people actively work their way through addiction, even after they stopped using the drugs. Because I've been clean from heroin for 13 years, I still struggle with things that stem from addiction. Sure, the emotional trauma dealing with all of that and one thing I do have to give a shout out to that's really helped me in this whole process Recently, as I ran into a girl on Facebook in fact, the account is called Enlightened Healing and she practices the emotion code, and I was a little skeptical at first because it's well, I've always been open to alternative medicines, always Chiropractor when I got on.
Speaker 3:That's what got me on the pain pills. The chiropractor is what got me out of the pain to not use the drugs anymore. So I've always been open to alternative medicines and so I started following her on Facebook and she's talking about PTSD and trauma, healing from trauma and some of the things that I'm dealing with anxiety, depression. So I was just following her for a little while, figured it out, and I found out that she practiced the emotion code and I went and bought the book, listened to the whole book. I got about two hours into the book and I was like I need to book a session. This is amazing. This is exactly what I need. I need to book a session. So I booked a session with her and she released like 10 or 15 trapped emotions that were based around anger and frustration, and I could see a huge difference in that next week from the anger and frustration. So I booked, I called, I immediately called her up and I booked another session. I was like, oh man, I gotta like I need to do this again. So I booked. I ended up booking six or seven sessions because she's released all day.
Speaker 3:So there's a thing called a heart wall that you have built emotionally around your heart to keep from being heartbroken and whatnot. Well, we released my heart wall and I've gone back a couple of times and you talk about crazy, amazing. I don't really know how to explain it, but I'm not the human being I was before I started all of this, and the only way I can describe the things that have changed about me are my emotions and the way I respond to negative ones. That's the only thing I can say, like that, and I think, between releasing the negative emotion and then doing all the things to get my gut health in line drinking my happy juice that's just recently started being more consistent with working out, being more consistent with meditation and stretching no-transcript happy and then it kind of got to a process where it was like there's more of this happy stuff. That's when I got more into the diet.
Speaker 3:And then, well, I found out about this mental wellness project and I'm like man, this is it. This is what I've dedicated the last 13 years of my life to mental wellness, like getting to a better place between my ears. I'm finally getting there. I'm finally starting to see some. Some get some traction, if you will. That's beautiful.
Speaker 3:Life has a funny way of teaching you lessons and helping you learn things, so it comes with other lessons that make you realize you still got things to learn it's certainly that and I think you know it's progress, not perfection yeah, and I think that's one of the biggest mindsets, mindset shifts that people need to make in business and addiction and just in like general. You just don't get there trying to be perfect it doesn't start out perfect I don't get there it just no messy action.
Speaker 2:Messy action is what you got to do and yeah, and applied knowledge messy action yeah that. You know how do you eat an elephant One bite at a time, right?
Speaker 3:And those little galls. It's been 13 years since I started this project.
Speaker 2:Mm-hmm.
Speaker 3:And I've come a long way. I didn't bite it all off at one time, right. I didn't get it all happen 10 years ago, and I've just been holding on to it for nine.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but you kept it going, you keep it going. You keep it going actively, every day. It's the choices that we make, right? It's breakfast of choices. You wake up every day and you decide.
Speaker 3:I was going through some things with my wife and I've always been chasing this freedom. You know what I mean, ever since I got locked up. I was talking to you about when I was in jail. I saw freedom as a state of mind. Talking to you about when I was in jail, I saw freedom as a state of mind, and so I've been chasing this freedom. You know what I mean. And then I heard a song Outlaws Like Me and it says in the song it's like each day is a choice of loving her or living free. God bless outlaws like me. That's it.
Speaker 3:I have the freedom to do whatever I want to do and I could totally go be a free soul or a free spirit, or I could just love this woman like she, that's it, like I have the freedom to do whatever I want to do and, yeah, and I could totally go be a free soul or a free spirit, or I could just love this woman like she deserves and just become a better human.
Speaker 1:And that's.
Speaker 3:that's the battle that I fight within myself. It's like becoming this better person is freaking hard and becoming that man. It's exhausting and I want to give up, and it's uncomfortable.
Speaker 2:It is exhausting, but addiction. Addiction was exhausting also, you know, at life Right.
Speaker 3:That's the perspective shift that I'm trying to explain. You know what I mean. It was like I came to that same post-bronze. Well, I could totally just write all this off and go on and be a free man. You know what I mean. It's like is that going to get me what I want? No, no, no, Because in fact, what I'm looking for is on the other side of facing this adversity, overcoming this adversity, and the only way to experience what I'm desiring is to overcome the adversity, not run for it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and it's a, it's a, it's a daily choice. So tell me, tell me kind of what you're doing now. As far as you know, we met through this mental wellness company, amari.
Speaker 3:Tell me how you got into that and what you're doing now. So that's a good question, because what led me to the products is. So, when I got out of prison, I decided that I wanted to make a hundred grand. I wanted to start my family and I already had a daughter. I really wanted to get married and I didn't have it as a goal at the time to get a dog, but I got a dog in 2017, which is I've learned this that's like me and my wife's tubes are tied, so we can't have any kids together. That's like mine and my wife's kids. So that's my way of starting our family. Yeah, and then I got my rights back to my daughter because I lost them in active addiction and I bought my house all in 2017. Like, those were our goals and I did that. I completed all of them three years out of prison in 2018.
Speaker 3:Awesome, that led me to a place that's like holy shit. I just got to repeat this for the next 30 years. I was so exhausted. I worked so hard to make 100 grand that led me down this whole road and, to keep a long story fairly short, I got duped out of $6,500. I invested in who I thought and people who I thought were going to teach me how to do this stuff. In fact, they were just trying to get the money out of my pocket and left me high and dry after that and I joined people that I didn't have any genuine connection with. So they didn't really and I don't want to say they didn't pour into me like I expected them to pour into me.
Speaker 3:But Christine has poured into me a way that nobody else has Like something just tells me to follow this human, like this human's good for me, and I've never in my life felt like it's more possible. I've never felt like it's possible more than I ever have today. I've been real intentional about the people that I surround myself with. I've been real intentional about the kind of content that I consume on social media platforms, because you can get so caught up in the negative of the social media platform that you forget about all the positives that are on the platform. So when I started unfollowing all the negative people and I started following the positive people, I started seeing and getting opportunities that could absolutely change my life, unbeknownst to me. These opportunities only come to fruition when you become willing to become that, become that person, and in that journey, becoming that person. You figure out, like, what it is that you really want and why you you fight for those things. And I'll never get anybody to chase their dreams until I become willing to chase mine. That's scary, it's hard.
Speaker 2:But chasing your dreams is what this life is all about.
Speaker 3:Right, and that's kind of where I was headed with that. Like I was told it, I learned that life has no meaning. It is your job as a human to give meaning to life, and that's kind of the meaning that I've given to my life is seeing how far I can take this amazing life. I mean, the potential is so so, so much.
Speaker 2:I was in the fitness industry for 10 years Okay, ran fitness centers for 10 years and the amount of products and supplements and proteins and powders and pills and things that I tried and that people brought to me to try and hey, can I carry this in the club and the amount of them I can't even tell you. I lost count. Right? I started trying this product, amari, just a couple months ago and I am blown away by the difference that it has made for me. In my, my focus, my creativity, my procrastination is virtually gone, like I can't wait to get out in the morning and get more things done.
Speaker 3:Yeah, well, that's been.
Speaker 2:The biggest thing for me is I've noticed procrastination is most less yeah, which is, oh my gosh, that's life-changing right there, you know I know that has a lot to do with mindset too, but just the ability to wake up and you're just on like your brain is just boom and you don't even want to eat or take anything. That's bad for you, because you just want to keep feeling this way.
Speaker 3:That's what this whole wellness project has taught me. Like this is the mind that tells us what to do.
Speaker 2:I have felt so much better, which is amazing. And again, I'm not somebody that has really ever sold products. You know, dabbled here and there and Mary Kay 100 years ago, things like that but it's just not really my thing. This doesn't have anything to do with network marketing. For me, it has to do with these products and what they have been able to do, mindset shift that I've taken.
Speaker 3:Like I said earlier, I've spent the last 13 years in this mental wellness project. How do I connect with the people that are in this same mental wellness project and how do I get these products in front of those people Because they're going to be the most beneficial? That's who they're going to be the most beneficial for, because they've been amazing for me. I think that the biggest shift that I've made is going from the learning to the doing. Like I've spent the last five years just learning, learning, learning, reconnect. I've been learning all this stuff now where it's like, okay, jimmy, you got to stop with the learning, you got to stop with the overthinking, you got to stop with all that BS and get to the doing.
Speaker 2:That's what you said to me the other night. And get to the doing. That's what you said to me the other night. You said let's just let's. I need to just stop this, let's just do this. I need to stop thinking about it and I need to just do this, right, um, and that's what we're doing. We're just doing it and we're just doing this, um, and making it's, making it his life that's the biggest shit that I've noticed with this taking happy juice.
Speaker 3:It got me out of my head and into the, giving me the ability to get out of my head and get into the act. Though that's just in the month that I've started taking this, you know what I mean. So I'm improving in that that realm, even at work. My boss because I've been talking to my boss about it and like keep putting in front of me like dude, you need this, so I this. So I asked him.
Speaker 3:I was like have you noticed a difference in me since I started drinking this juice? I was like I kind of feel like I've been easier to get along with. I'm not so aggravated. We'll do a time where we're. We don't have a whole lot of work, so there's a lot of downtime and so I'm getting bored, real easy and there's nothing to do. So then it's like I'm getting irritable, whereas before I would be aggravated, mad and be cussing and it's like come on, man, this is bullshit. Like I didn't get this job so I can sit around and do nothing. And now I'm just like yeah, dude, whatever, I understand, I know what I'm saying Like not even mad at it. Yeah, and he's like man, it's, I don't know what it is. I said I told you what it is. It's just abby juice.
Speaker 2:I said you need to get some and I've just been more noticing, like how it's made me feel in my brain and my gut and and it's so I'm.
Speaker 3:It's a little different at home. I hate to say that, but it's about time I get home. I get up at three o'clock in the morning and by the time I get home it's six o'clock in the afternoon sometimes, so I'm already exhausted and that's where I'm starting to see a difference and that's, I think, a lot of that with me just being aware you know what I mean. I'm a little harder on my humans at home because I feel safer and it's not fair to them and that's kind of something that I'm working on. Changing is not coming home and being so harsh and being so, so rough, you know. I mean because I feel like this is a place that I can let down my guard and I don't have to. I don't have to, uh, cater to people, if you will.
Speaker 2:I know what you're saying by that. I get what you're saying by that, because by the time we get home we're exhausted and one of the things that I've kind of been working on is my home, because these are the people that I love, yeah, and they deserve the best for me. My job would replace me in a second.
Speaker 2:The people that know deserve the best part of me, right, and I've. You know I shared a little bit with you. My mom lives with me. She's 82. She's beginning stages of dementia. I'm gonna tell you that's not easy, that is.
Speaker 3:That will test a person, right, but that's the people that deserve the best part of me and that's the one of the main reasons why I've chosen network marketing so I can have an income where I don't have to dedicate my life to getting up at three o'clock in the morning. Yeah, driving. I drive between three and four hours every day to and from work, you know what I mean. And then on on top of that I gotta work an eight or ten hour day and still do all of that stuff. So by the time I get home I'm exhausted. Man, I got, I got nothing left for everybody else. That that just hurt the most. I got, and it's terrible, it's not even. It is not even fair to them. It's not fair to them because and I and I have a lot of respect for you because you're you're doing what you have to do in order to create an income for yourself.
Speaker 3:But I'm still kind of old school, like I don't feel like my wife should have to earn an income. I wanted to be independent, you know. I mean I wanted to be able to enjoy the things that she wants to do in life. So I do kind of push her to create an income for herself, but I don't feel like she should have to, especially as a married woman. I don't feel like she should have to have the stress of paying the bills and have the stress of she should just worry about nurturing the kids. That's my belief, so that's the way I've tried to create. My life Now. She still works. She still makes her own money because she has a champagne taste. My life Now she still works and she still makes her own money because she has a champagne taste. And while that is my champagne taste and her champagne taste, I have to figure out a way to make more money. Yeah, this is my mission Build it to help men grow and help men find a better place in their ears and or gut, if you will.
Speaker 2:Because helping men grow is beautiful, because, as you, stated earlier yeah, as you stated earlier, emotionally. It's hard as a man to be emotional, and I think you just being able to share some of those things with men is priceless, just absolutely priceless, really. So I appreciate that about you. I really do.
Speaker 3:Yeah, it's been a tough thing for me because I never really seen my dad be an emotional person. You know what I mean. I've always kind of been just seeing this rock Same, same, it's different. And I think that I've had to change the blueprint of what I think a man should look like. And I guess that's kind of where they get the the this whole new age toxic masculinity thing. Yeah, because you can have men that are masculine and toxic.
Speaker 2:You know what I mean oh yeah, I do know what you mean, absolutely.
Speaker 3:Healthy masculinity of a man is. There's nothing toxic about it. You know, I had to realize that that that's, that was what I had messed up like, that's what I had to fix. It wasn't wasn't necessarily my behaviors that I had to fix. Fixing this blueprint, the behaviors would fix themselves. I guess the best way to explain it is I'm not trying to build the same building, so I'm not, yeah, gonna, yeah, use the same techniques because I'm not building the same thing. Theology, that's what I had. I realized that it's all about perspective, everything's perspective. Once you do, the perspective on where you're going what you start saying.
Speaker 2:Perspective is choices right. It all kind of it's, it's amazing, isn't it, your perspective and your choices? I mean, who knew?
Speaker 3:It's really got its simple and it's a while, yeah, yeah, and we. It's. It's crazy how over, how we over complicated, because it really is that simple it is so simple, it really is. I'm not saying it's easy, maybe stretching imagination simple, but it really is simple process.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but it's not easy. Well, thank, you james, for doing this with me today. I think it's been awesome just to visit with you and but it really is and just being vulnerable, being authentic, being real is huge and I thank you for doing that today. You know what it's good to turn your pain into purpose right, turning your pain into purpose and helping other people.
Speaker 3:That's the mission.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it is, and helping other people is a beautiful mission.
Speaker 3:Amen. Like I said, this has all been scary for me, so this has got like a step in the right direction. It's just a baby step in the right direction. This is a baby step in the right direction.
Speaker 1:I am so grateful that you joined me for this week's episode of Breakfast of Choices. If you're enjoying this podcast, please subscribe, give it five stars and share it to help others find hope and encouragement. The opposite of addiction is connection, and we are all in this together. Telling your transformational story can also be an incredible form of healing, so if you would like to share it, I would love to hear it. You can also follow me on social media. I'm your host, jo Summers, and I can't wait to bring you another story next week. Stay with me for more Transformational Thursdays.