From Seeking Validation to Healing Others with Lindsi Miller

On today’s episode of Breakfast of Choices, I share my interview with my beautiful friend, Love Sherpa and spiritual transformation coach, Lindsi Miller. She openly discussed her powerful personal journey of overcoming childhood trauma and addiction to find self-love and purpose.

Lindsi detailed her early struggles with abandonment issues and seeking validation, and the chaos that ensued when she turned to substance abuse in her teens and young adulthood. Lindsi also courageously recounted surviving an abusive relationship and the mental health struggles she faced.

You’ll learn how Lindsi committed to her recovery and spiritual transformation journey six years ago and has become grounded in self-awareness through spiritual growth. She now helps others as a recovery coach and mentors at-risk teens at Mission Academy.

I was moved by Lindsi's ability to turn her pain into purpose by guiding these youth with the wisdom and tools she has gained. This thought-provoking episode provides insight into the transformational process of healing from within and how we can use our past experiences to help others in need.   

Visit: lindsilou.com

From Rock Bottom to Rock Solid.

We all have them...every single day, we wake up, we have the chance to make new choices.

We have the power to make our own daily, "Breakfast of Choices"

Resources and ways to connect:

Facebook: Jo Summers
Instagram: @Summersjol
Facebook Support: Chance For Change Women’s circle

National suicide prevention and crisis, hotline number 988

National domestic violence hotline:
800–799–7233

National hotline for substance abuse, and addiction:
844–289–0879

National mental health hotline:
866–903–3787

National child health and child abuse hotline:
800–422–4454

CoDa.org
12. Step recovery program for codependency.

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:07

Welcome to Breakfast of Choices, the weekly podcast that shares life stories of transformation. Each episode holds space for people to tell their true, raw and unedited story of overcoming intense adversity from addiction and incarceration, mental illness, physical and emotional abuse, domestic violence, toxic families, codependency and more. Trauma comes in so many forms. I'm your host, Jo Summers, and also someone who hit my lowest point before realizing that I could wake up every day and make a better choice, even if it was a small one. So let's dive into this week's story together to learn from and find hope through someone's journey from rock bottom to rock solid, Because I really do believe you have a new chance every day to wake up and make a change, to create your own. Breakfast of Choices. Good morning, Welcome to Breakfast of Choices life stories of transformation from rock bottom to rock solid. My guest today is Lindsay.

Speaker 2: 1:19

Miller, truly her authentic self. I first started watching or following Lindsay about three years ago, I would say she was doing some unique women's circles and just some various things promoting women and sisterhood on social media and she just had this light about her and I reached out and we just connected regarding sobriety, business life and genuine connections, and I'm so excited to have Lindsay on today. She is a bright, shining light. Transformation is Lindsay's wheelhouse.

Speaker 2: 1:56

She has rewired her subconscious brain around addictions, creating new patterns of health and well-being. She is resilient, inspired by unconditional love and entrepreneurship, she truly promotes sisterhood. Please go to her website, lindsayloucom, and see all of the amazing things she has to offer in the world of love and healing, and I am waiting for my beautiful bundle of sage as we speak. I am so excited to have Lindsay here today and to have her tell her story of just healing growth sobriety and where she is today.

Speaker 2: 2:38

I am so glad you're here with me today, lindsay, and, as we talked about, I'm just going to kind of let you go ahead and get started and tell your story this morning. All right, I am so excited to be here. What an honor it is to be here. I'm just sitting in so much gratitude as I'm in sunny San Diego, california, being an OP girl myself. I am just sitting in such an oasis of beauty and the birds are outside singing and my face I'm in is very grounded and there's an oasis. So I love the unfoldment of how this landed on a time and a date when I'm out here and because the unfoldment of me getting out here was just dividing as well. So thank you so much for having me and what an honor and I'm really freaking excited. I am super excited and you know you're in my old stomping grounds right now. So just the way this kind of worked out. We live in Oklahoma together. You are back in my hometown right now. When you said you were going back to San Diego and where you were going to be, I was like no way. So it's just crazy the way life works out, isn't it? Absolutely Super excited to have you on here today and, you know, just sharing all the things recovery and how you went from where you were to where you are and, as you know, this is kind of a premise of Rock Bottom to Rock Solid and our transformation and you know the things that work for us. So you know, you being here to tell everybody what's worked for you is really special, thank you.

Speaker 2: 4:17

When I listened to your episode of you sharing your story and you said from Rock Bottom to Rock solid, I was like, ooh, there's all those goosies, like there is all those goosey bongs. I felt that. I felt that because I am in a space in my life where I am so rock solid, I am more grounded than I've ever been. I know myself in ways like I've never known myself and this is just the beginning of me truly getting to know myself and knowing the pillars of my life and me and the foundation. And I've been on my recovery journey for six years and my spiritual journey and healing journey for three years and now it's just now beginning. So I'm really ready to just have some conscious conversation around something that has saturated the United States specifically, but all across the globe as well. But I'm just ready to bring some light and touch conversation around something that can be so dark and so empty. Absolutely as we've talked about, like trauma comes in so many forms right, and 90% of addiction is trauma related and being able to talk about that and get those things out and you being able to share you know where you are at now in your life compared to where you were and how you got there is going to be phenomenal for anybody right now that may be struggling. So I appreciate it so much. Yeah, let's just jump into it, jump in, really jump in.

Speaker 2: 6:00

I am Lindsay, I am the Love Sherpa, and transformation and self-love and love are my wheelhouses and it's been quite a journey to get to this point. I just turned 40 last year and it's quite interesting to think back to where it all began. Where it all began. So my father left when I was two years old and that is, I think, when it really all started for me. Obviously, trauma starts from way generations before us, but I think mine really started when my father left when I was two, and that caused a lot of abandonment issues.

Speaker 2: 6:47

I will say I have the most phenomenal mother. She is a very strong woman who raised two beautiful, beautiful young women. I'm very proud of the women that my sister and I have turned out to be. But my mother she works two, sometimes three jobs, single mother raising two kids. And so I grew up watching the hustle right, not understanding like why doesn't my dad want to see me, why doesn't my daddy love me? Like he was in and out, and then he was out for a long time. And then I remember going to see and visit him a summer. I don't even I can't even tell you how old I was, because years and stuff is definitely all combined into one. But then I remember being I was supposed to stay for two weeks and I felt so uncomfortable I left after one week.

Speaker 2: 7:46

And throughout my life and my course of living we moved a lot due to my stepfather's job. I was born in Oklahoma, moved back and forth between Odessa and Midland Texas and Oklahoma moved back and forth between Odessa and Midland Texas and Oklahoma. Then we ended up in Memphis for seven years and I arrived in Memphis, I was on the Palm Squad, I was making friends, really, just truly enjoying life. I didn't have childhood friends because we moved so much and when we got to Memphis I was in fourth grade and all the way through no, I think actually, my sister was in fourth, I was in seventh grade, and that was all the way through the end of my sophomore year. So I literally was thriving. And then when I was there in Memphis when I was 15 years old, that's when I started drinking, that's when I had my first sip of alcohol it was a Zima. Rocking it back to the Zimas, I was going to bonfires, I was going to field parties, I was going mudding, you know, I was hopping in these big old lifted trucks with flags and going out and stomping on the mud, which was all so normal to me, right? And at that time I didn't see it as anything outside of just me being a teen, right. And then, the summer before my junior year of high school, my mom and stepfather were like hey, guess what, we're moving. Again. My mom and stepfather were like, hey, guess what we're moving. And this time we uprooted and moved from Memphis to Arizona. And my sister and I have had quite a few conversations around this transition, because we both agree that this was a move that just threw it all out to both of us.

Speaker 2: 9:43

At this point I was 17 years old, about to turn 16, almost 17. And I just stopped caring. I stopped caring. I was like what do I have to care anymore? I can't even enjoy what life is being brought to me. It's just being ripped away from me, which at that time I didn't know. But after doing my work, it takes me back to my father, right, like why did he leave? Was I not good enough? I don't deserve anything consistent.

Speaker 2: 10:12

And so when I got to Arizona, it was wild. It was wild because my give a damn was busted. My self-worth, my value wasn't even a thing. And I started partying. I started hanging with anybody that I could grip onto because, you see, my whole life I was seeking validation. I was like a codependent people pleaser, queen of, also the queen of noncommittal, running away from things but chasing after other things that weren't the right things. Well, seeking validation from everyone, primarily men, my whole life. But I was literally being loved. I just wanted to be loved, but I never knew what healthy love was. I didn't even know what healthy love is until last year when I found radical self-love, when I finally bought love with myself for the first time ever.

Speaker 2: 11:17

That's when I'm like, oh, this is what love is and that's the love we need. So that's the love we get. It's a self-love and and we nobody talks about that when we're young. They do now, they do now kind of. But when we were younger, nobody talked about self-love and loving yourself and that was all like, oh, be quiet. You know, go sit down, be quiet.

Speaker 2: 11:36

Absolutely, that wasn't really a thing, and that's that is what girls need to be taught. Women need to be taught to love. I agree, first, so they're not out there running around chasing it. And men do it too, yeah, and just women. But we seem to have more of an issue with it, with the fear of abandonment and all of those things. So I'm glad you brought that up, thank you, oh my gosh. Yes, yeah, self-love is everything, it's absolutely everything. It literally has taught me how to survive, and it's taken 40 years, but now I'm like, oh, I'm not on survival mode anymore, I'm the palatable creator of my reality. The more I love myself, the more I live in my alignment with my own authenticity, the more things unfold for me and go into where it's supposed to be.

Speaker 2: 12:24

So you know, I spent my whole life, like I said, seeking validation, seeking to be loved, and all of that of being in Arizona. I was in like a cesspool of the melting pot of different values and ethics and everything and drugs were everywhere, dr everywhere. Drugs were everywhere and it's not like it is now. I am so grateful that fentanyl was not around when I was younger, because I was the girl that people would walk up and anything that I'd be like. You don't know what this, the hot hot is off. I went, yes, but I alcohol was primarily my thing, booze was my thing and it developed into booze and cocaine Over the years. I didn't try cocaine until I was a young adult, in my 20s, in Arizona, but Arizona was where primarily all of my trauma happened.

Speaker 2: 13:23

I was in my relationship with my abuser in Arizona, met him in Mexico. I was in Puerto Penasco for a free break. We traveled up there to Mexico all the time being in Arizona the four hours from California, vegas and Mexico and I went up there for a break with some friends. I was 20 years old and we were at this club and I saw this beautiful, beautiful guy standing in the club. He was light skin, like all uptown, pretty green eyes, athletic build, really pretty bad boy written all over him, because that's literally what I was calling in because that's the vibration and the frequency I was at, because I had no self-worth, no value, no self-love. And I remember saying to the friend I was at the time I was like, ooh, he's hot, I'm going to go after him. And she goes no, you're not, because I am. And normally I would be like, okay, you go do it. But I was like, no, you're not.

Speaker 2: 14:20

And I went out again and, lo and behold, he lived 15 minutes away from me in Arizona and like I think when I was in Mexico that night, when I met him I think with him it's the first night I tried cocaine in Mexico and I felt like I so belonged, right, because this pretty man was giving me the attention and everything that I saw for so long, feeling like I was loved, and all the twisted things. And I got back home and we met up in Arizona and he actually like followed up and called me. You know, like how many times have we like given someone our phone number or exchanged numbers and then like we get ghosted on when ghosting wasn't even a thing, but you know, but he actually followed through and we met up and we smoked weed. That day he came over. He showed up on a street bike, okay, and we smoked weed and we laughed and we had fun and all these things, and it ended up becoming an off and on five-year relationship and it was hell.

Speaker 2: 15:28

It was awful because I was so codependent. I was a drug dealer in Arizona, pushing pounds and pounds and pounds of marijuana all the time, so I was living in that lifestyle. He had a gun by the side of the bed, he had a baseball bat by the side of the bed, we had camera systems around the house, he had a horse tree split camera meal in our bedroom, one downstairs, guns everywhere, gun in the house, just everything. And that's the life that I was rocking in, without even realizing that's what I was living in, yeah, and at the same time, feeling so protected and so safe, but not at all. And so that relationship ended up.

Speaker 2: 16:24

My mom gave me a book and it was a book that first started changing my life, and it's a book called Codependent. No More, oh, girl, preach and the piss Satellite. I was like, highlighting all these sentences and underlying, and that's when I first cracked me open, right and. But it didn't do everything that I needed it to. Right, because we have to do what we need. It doesn't come from a book or other people. Those are tools and we pull them in and I kept going on this relationship. But I started to see things a little bit differently in light and started to be like this isn't okay, I don't like how this feels or I don't like that.

Speaker 2: 17:06

And long story short, he ended up becoming a heroin addict and he was speedballing, like I think he said, 10 times a day, which is heroin and cocaine and veins, and from what I know, he's still alive and I, you know, know I do think of him often because I literally don't want anyone to be in a space of torture and being lost and I just wish nothing but protection over him because I also, no matter what is that a gift of mine? I always show up in a space of love. But it was some of the most terrifying years of my life. The amount of trauma and abuse I went through with this man was so obnoxious, but I diminished it for so long. I mean I was head-butted, he broke multiple phones, kicked holes in walls, kicked my dog, like all kinds of things, and so after that relationship I was like kind of free for all, I gave my body up to more people than I could even have recollection of, and it got to the point where I literally became just like a vessel, right, just laying there, and I was so gone and so lost that I didn't even know what was going on and what was truly happening. So I was literally seeking and just drinking and doing drugs and not eating.

Speaker 2: 18:37

And in 2014, I was diagnosed bipolar, with PTSD and manic depressive, and because at that time my chaotic thoughts had become so intense, I was like I am so exhausted of myself and I'm sick of my own shit. I've got to get this figured out. So I went to Red Rock and had a diagnosis and everything, and we started me off on like six different medications, which I think. Medication has its place in this world. It definitely helps us find a baseline when we need to feel, when we need to have sensibility and a baseline. And even after that, I didn't get sober until 2018.

Speaker 2: 19:26

And from then to 2018, I was in the fitness industry. I was a bodybuilder. I was tubbing anabolic steroids, drinking alcohol a ton of it taking mental health medication on and off, not consistently, but while drinking alcohol, depriving my body with nutrients, doing street drugs and not getting any sleep. I was literally the conductor of the cuckoo train. I was out there doing all the things, all the mess being the chaos. I was literally the storm of the chaos. I pushed so many people away. There were so many times that people would be like like streeped out by me when I was drinking. I didn't my thing. I didn't get aggressive a lot of the time. There were times when I did get aggressive, but like that wasn't my thing. I I feed it loud.

Speaker 2: 20:18

I am very emotional, I am very boisterous and before all of that was in tune and in check and harnessed. Yeah, I was all the things right. And so imagine if, like now, I'm so. I know my energies, I know my intuitiveness, I know all my gifts, but without them being harnessed. It was just like all out there. People would be like freaked out by me and I didn't understand that. I was like oh, it's you me like.

Speaker 2: 20:48

It made me emotional because I was like what do you mean? Like what do you mean? You're scared of me? I'm like the most loving individual in this entire world. They've been told you're too much. You're too much, been that whole life too. Yeah, I'm too much, I talk too much, I talk too loud, I talk too fast, I walk too fast, I'm too emotional, I'm too this, I'm too that, and now I'm like, oh well, I take up all the space, right, but it was. It was so confusing. I lived in whiplash my whole life because I was living outside of myself, seeking outside of myself, when it all is inside myself. That's the key, isn't it? That's the key it really is. When you finally come to that place where you go, you know, it's kind of like the shoes click them together. You've always had the power right, right, always had it and click those shoes together because it is all inside you and that's so, so true. It's just a while to get there and, like you said, the cuckoo of the train. You know what I mean. You were the conductor of the cuckoo and I totally, I totally understand that You're creating your own chaos. Yeah, just finding that point where you go.

Speaker 2: 22:01

Why am I doing this? Why am I? Yeah, yeah, yeah, you know it was on February 4th 2018. You know I can't tell you how many vehicles I've wrecked, how many times I was pulled over drinking and driving. Never once got arrested. I got arrested once for drinking and driving, and I was.

Speaker 2: 22:24

I was 21 years old, living in arizona. I was on my way. We were pre pre pre-game. We were taking shots, drove to the club. One of my friends forgot their id, so instead of sending them to get their id codependent people believe that you're like oh no, I'll go back and I'll get it for you I drove back, turned right off the freeway on a red, a motorcycle caught on his way home, saw it, pulled me over, arrested me for a duty, and that still didn't even change my mind. I continued to do it and so I definitely see where I had been protected. I've been protected my whole life. I've been protected. I've been protected my whole life. But I, you know, it's just I was drinking and driving and working all these hours and the end of, like the nightlife industry, and falling asleep at the wheel and like all these things. Literally all the night before that I had sent a message to my boss in the app, in front of all the employees, about how I felt about him and his life, which was valid, but it was not the place, nor the time or the way to do it. I know that now, but the next morning I woke up and realized I was fired from another job.

Speaker 2: 23:45

That moral hangover, right? Oh yeah, because I lived through the physical hangovers my whole life. I know how to aid those, right? You just drink plenty of water. Get yourself a Sprite, you know. Get you some greasy food, sleep Advil hangover, drink some more. You're good. But those moral hangovers, those are deep and I remember waking up on february 4th 2018 being like god, I gotta tell my mom again that I lost this job and my mom's been helping me financially, right, because hi codependent.

Speaker 2: 24:19

And at that moment I chose myself. I chose my fault, I showed up for myself and I chose myself because I knew that I am worth living. I knew it looked like I was their happiness and whatever that looked like, I was going to find it. It was terrifying because it was the abyss of the unknown, because all I had known for 19 years, half of my life, was my soul being gone and not trusting anything or anyone, not even myself. So I made the decision that morning and never looked back.

Speaker 2: 25:01

I sought out AA and I started going to some meetings. I got a sponsor. She and I are still friends to this day. She's amazing and I joined some women's groups, stuff like that. I think I was active in AA for probably about five or six weeks and I was just, like you know, showing up every morning, contacting this sponsor at like 6 am every morning, where my spiritual tent was. You know, how are you feeling? You know I should ask me questions and I would just talk to her about how I was feeling every single morning.

Speaker 2: 25:41

And then, after about five or six weeks, I was just like something doesn't feel right to me about this Right, something just doesn't feel right. And this is before I knew to listen to my intuition and to listen to myself. It's just, and I knew something wasn't right. And and I also want to preface this by saying because I know this is like a triggery conversation for a lot of people and I am like I'm I work in this industry, I trigger a lot of people but also in like a place of love I want to preface it by saying that everyone this is something that I learned in my journey that everyone's road to recovery is different. Absolutely. There is not one way or another to recover from substance abuse or any other fight of addiction. There are so many different healing modalities that are available now. I think it's absolutely phenomenal and I've been very grateful for AA because that's the first step I took into it, right and like showing up.

Speaker 2: 26:48

But I also knew that like this isn't for me, knew that like this isn't for me, so I actually bowed out of AA. It caught a lot of grief for it, a lot of, uh, negative talk from others in AA for it and all the things, but I was like, no, like this is, this is not right for me. So I'm gonna do what I need to do. And I kept moving forward and it was by the grace of my God I knew at that time and myself and the help and guidance of my mother and my support system that kept me going. And one of the biggest things and tools that kept me moving through my recovery in the beginning stages was me showing up and being transparent and vulnerable and vulnerable vulnerability big time. And I also wanted to say that my levels of vulnerability were not always healthy. Yeah, they were not always healthy, because I was always vulnerable, but be vulnerable in a space of seeking attention and love and all of that, and so that's been shifting over the years, but my vulnerability and being open on social media has literally just been the catalyst for me to move through it.

Speaker 2: 28:05

So I went on my journey and I was still seeing my doctor. It switched over to North Care. I was still seeing my doctor. It switched over to North Care. I was seeing my doctor in North Care consistently. I was always very open and vulnerable and transparent, like her and everything that I did. You know. I opened up about the steroids and she was like let's do blood work. I opened up about this. She said, okay, this and we got. We moved from fixed medications down to one. I was on Vralar and it was the best medication I had ever taken for myself and I started working on myself. My spiritual awakening started in 2021.

Speaker 2: 28:55

I just like stopped taking my medication, and it wasn't me being like, oh, I feel better, I'm healed, I'm good, I'm gonna stop my medication. No, because I did that plenty of times before and it never worked out in a good manner. But this time it was another one of those intuitively led things right and, mind you, I had been doing a lot of work, a lot of work on myself, and so I was very honest with my doctor. A year after I stopped taking medication, they're like hey, I think I'm good, just like, oh, and I've had this conversation with her, you know, about two or three times before, and every time she's at lindsay, I've seen you manic, you're gonna be manic again, which, yes, yes, valid all of these. But then this last time, I was like, hey, I'm good, like I can feel it, I'm good. And she agreed and and and said, okay, well, you have, you know, samples and bottles of your medicine at home, so if you do go into a manic state, you all have your medication there. And I said, cool, so she closed my chart and released me from their care, and so I've been away from mental health facilities since 2021. And there are still.

Speaker 2: 30:13

Let me ask real quick did you back yourself off, slowly off the medication, or did you just say I'm done, I just stopped? And I know there are so many like that's not okay. That's not okay. Just like when I quit drinking alcohol. I just quit. I didn't do any type of treatment or anything, I just quit, which I know is not the best, but yeah, but you were just in a place where you're like no, I'm good. So you know whether or not that works for everybody probably not, but you felt that it was going to work for you, absolutely, and we know ourselves literally better than anyone, right?

Speaker 2: 31:05

And I've also fooled myself plenty of times, right, this wasn't like the first time of me being like, oh, I'm good, you know what I mean, and it wasn't even about that. I had fooled myself plenty of times. If I'm into the first time I tried, this is my, so this is my second style of being in recovery. The first time lasted about seven months and I remember the first time it coming up on my you could get with my like 30, third birthday, 32nd birthday, something like that. And my mom was like third birthday, 32nd birthday, something like that. And my mom is like don't, don't get too cocky, don't get too confident in yourself. And that triggered me so hardcore because I was like what do you mean? What do you mean? I'm not cocky, Ego, right? What do you mean? I'm not cocky, I'm not doing this, hello. And I went out for my birthday and I went to a club down in town and I was like I'm just going to take one shot of fireball, I'll be fine, I'm just going to take one shot.

Speaker 2: 32:02

And it was a spiral of years, right? So I've been on that song dance so much in my life. But this time it was different because I had been putting in the consistent, committed work and showing up and seeing my doctor. Like I was excited every time I got to go see my doctor and got to talk about things and see where I was at and see my blood levels and all of the different things. Well, you just said you were putting in the consistent work that is that mixed with learning to learning yourselves and learning how you're moving forward. You were doing the work. There's the difference out there, right, absolutely it is the work. It is showing up for yourself above all. That's literally what it takes you saying yes to yourself that one time and committing, radically committing to yourself, taking radical responsibility, radical accountability for all your ships and saying yes to yourself. When you do that, life changes absolutely, it truly changes, and so I just I've been on such a, such a ride.

Speaker 2: 33:10

You know, the first year of recovery was wild. You know, the first year of my recovery, a year and a half I was in bed at 9 pm every single night, whether I was falling asleep or not. I committed to that too, and then I found all these sleep vitamins and those helped me, and so then I got in a consistent sleep pattern right, and so then the things just kind of shifted and evolved. And it's been a long journey and it's been a journey full of so much chaos but so much beauty right. So much beauty at the same time. Because if I wouldn't have said yes to myself, I wouldn't have started evolving into even understanding who I am, what I want, what I don't want, what's okay, what's not okay, what's healthy, what's toxic, what's gaslighting, what's gaslighting, what's narcissism, what's emotional immaturity? And I wouldn't have learned any of that. You know, you were living it, and so I get really grateful. Yeah, and so it's yeah.

Speaker 2: 34:29

Alcohol and cocaine, like said, were primarily my things, so much so that I have a hole in my septum from so much drug use. Now my ears I've lost a lot of hearing in my ears because they're super congested. I always have stuff in my throat because it's got the hole, so nothing's consistent in my throat, because it's like it's got the whole, so nothing's consistent. So it's a constant reminder every freaking day, all the time, about what I did to myself. And it's because I didn't have that self-love and that worthiness I didn't treat my body appropriately.

Speaker 2: 35:12

And the last time I went to the ENT was the time at the end of last year and I learned I have a hole in this eardrum and all these different things.

Speaker 2: 35:23

And I got home that day and I sat with myself, I got my feet planted on the ground barefoot to get connected to Gaia and Mother Earth and just I was living out in the country in Oklahoma, so I was just like seeing and hearing all the birds and the sky and the trees and everything and I just sat there and I just I cried and I grieved that part of myself because I didn't treat my body like I should right Right Me.

Speaker 2: 35:53

Neither I fully believe and I fully know that my ears are going to heal because I'm doing all the things that I need to do and it takes time. But if I would have known anything about drugs that it could affect it could eat a hole in your septum it probably would change things for me. But then I have to say that and I still drink and drove and did the things that I still didn't stop. So when we're young, you know don't understand the repercussions of that and how that's going to affect you later. I have some of the very same similar things that you're talking about. I have a bad acne, I have stomach issues, I have the whole nose situation with the drainage and the whole thing, and you just don't think of that when you're young that your body's your temple, that is what you have.

Speaker 2: 36:48

You need to treat it right so so you can live a healthy life. And who wants your health? I mean, how important is that right? And we just didn't. You don't concern yourself with that when you're young and you're in the midst of all that drug use and you don't even believe it too. I think you think you're in the right when you think that, oh, that's for old people. And I'm just going to say you get old pretty quick, right, girl, you're not lying, it happens fast and your body comes with you. So I mean, that is like the hugest thing I could stress is oh my gosh, just pay attention to what you're doing to yourself and love yourself. You're not lying, you're not lying. And it's a beautiful segue into something that is so special in my life now that this comes up often, right? So now I have been blessed. I've been there for almost three years.

Speaker 2: 37:46

Like I said, I'm six years into being recovered. I don't say that I am in recovery because I fully know that I am six years recovered from the chains of my addiction, because I am no longer the past version of me and I also know now that alcohol on like, we have a frequency chart right of zero to 100. 100 is highest attention and authenticity and zero is just the lowest of the low, the pits of the pits. And alcohol is down with guilt and shame, around like a four or five. So why would I put something into my body that brings my frequencies down when I'm trying to vibe high in life Like no? So that's a different space that I'm in. But being six years recovered from the change of my addiction and three years into my soul recovery work, I have been at Mission Academy, which is Oklahoma's only sober high school. I've been with them for going on almost three years now.

Speaker 2: 38:49

My boss, her name is Anna. She is a, she's an angel. She has stepped up into my life as a woman and filled spaces of my heart in ways that I did not know that I needed. In so many ways she has been such a guide for me in not only my own recovery but also stepping up and being a part of these kids' lives in so many ways, and she is such an angel and godsend for these kids and these parents of these kids too. So Anna and I linked up on social media, I think when I was, I think, two years into my recovery, I think when I was, I think, two years into my recovery, and she followed my story and about three years ago she had sent me a message and was like hey, would you be interested in just mentoring and working with about three young women for a couple hours a week, nonprofit, totally like you know, just very minimal hours. And I was like yes.

Speaker 2: 39:54

And at that moment when I saw that I was living in my three-bedroom home in Edmonds and I was in the middle of the living room and I just fell to my knees and my hands hit the ground and my chest, my heart bursted open in tears just start flooding out of my face and out of my heart. And I just remember just being so grateful for the opportunity because I wish I would have had this at a young age. Granted, I did have people around me who supported me, who wanted the best for me and all those things. But think about it, when we have health insurance right, health insurance doesn't do jack for people who are wanting to go into facilities right, you might be lucky if you get 60 days, 60, right, if you get 90, that's a plus. Anything further than that is not a thing, and we both know it takes a minimum of 90 days to even get things shifting into a consistent basis. Yeah, even getting your goal on track, yes, yes. And so she asked me and I was like immediately, yes, at that point I had last a toxic corporate America job that I was working in. I am a globally certified recovery coach and that program that I got my accreditation through is Radical Recovery of Self. And I did that program while I was working in toxic corporate America, started to see my worth and my value, started speaking my truth and big boss man did not like that and so I actually put in my two weeks and left there, went to a serving job, continued to grow and heal, know my worth and my value, recognize how toxic that life was and I completely shifted into 100% of my small business. That's when I launched my business that year.

Speaker 2: 41:47

And so, through all of that is when Anna was like hey, do you want to come work with the girls? She had been following me on social media, following my journey, and I was like, absolutely Started with the girls a couple of hours during the week and then, when I shifted out of the service industry. I was like, hey, anna, this is what's going on Transparency, vulnerability, everything. Can I come be at the school more hours? She's like let me talk to my boss, talked to him, I came on board. I came on board and Mission Academy. Mission Academy is a 100% nonprofit, nonprofit organization.

Speaker 2: 42:27

So for these kiddos who it's they range from 14 to 17 years old and it is for kiddos who are so. So you know they're troubled and they get expelled from public schools, private schools. They try epic like online charter school. That doesn't work and so they come and they start the interview process at mission academy and it's an amazing program. It, it's an absolutely amazing program. They literally do online schoolwork there, so they have normal school hours and when they do all of their schoolwork, they go out to rowing. They do rowing for their CE. They go to ArtSpace, which they do so much cool stuff at art space for their art and their creative yes, and then, when they get out of their schooling program during the day on Monday, tuesday, thursday and Friday they go to an after school program which is APG, which is where I am a mentor and recovery coach for these kids.

Speaker 2: 43:34

Okay, I do not have biological children myself. And then I got 10 to 12, 14 to 17 year olds who have done excessive trauma and addictions not just with substances to life. Right, and let's be real, like the generation now is completely shifted from my generation, your generation, generations before us, and so I went in with no boundaries I'm going to be here for these kids that will love me. And blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, and my heart started getting broken and getting broken and getting broken by these kids, and that started to help me build boundaries, you know, and to understand.

Speaker 2: 44:27

But also, at the same time, last year was my year of feeling all of my emotions, all of them minus anger and rage, because I still suppress that. I still suppress that because I was always told from everyone around me just get over it. Right, if I was angry about something, just get over it. Just get over it, move on, don't waste your time, don't waste your energy, just get over it. So I suppressed anger and rage my whole life. And so last year, though, I felt all the emotions, and these kids triggered me more than I could have ever imagined, because I was every single day stepping into and reliving my own traumas. Yeah, right, and you seem to realizing how important triggers are, because they are gifts that show us where, with ourselves, we still need to work on ourselves and heal. But let me tell you, girl, there was a lot of healing last year. These kids saw me cry so much and there were times when I did like lose my cool and I did like react instead of respond, and all because I was matching and mirroring these children. Yeah, because I also triggered things in them that they saw in me that they weren't comfortable. Just all the things, all the things. And so it was a wild year, but but it's so fulfilling, so freaking fulfilling.

Speaker 2: 46:02

I have made some very special bonds with these kids, very special bonds with these amazing parents or guardians. You, hey, as much as I am here for the kids, I'm also here for you too, because parents need guidance as well in the ways that I can show up, because I bring such a different space or such a different thing to the school, because it's AA based. But I show up and I was like, hi, let's start thinking about, let's start thinking about new thoughts, let's start thinking about the subconscious, let's start talking about trauma, let's start talking about our behaviors, let's start talking about X, y, z, which made everyone super uncomfortable, which triggered all the things. Right, because I'm like, hey, let's talk about our feelings. Let's talk about our emotions. Let's feel something Always my favorite. Let's talk about our emotions my best. Let's heal some things Always my favorite. Let's talk about our ceilings.

Speaker 2: 47:02

I'm like what the it's like? No, I don't think so. This is why I do drugs. Yeah, really, what was that? Yeah, but it's been an honor being there, you know, getting to experience my own healing alongside with these kids. And's been some really, really, really hard moment there too, you know, with like relapses and overdoses and you know things.

Speaker 2: 47:32

I'm so blessed that, after being in active addiction for 19 years, I I never experienced death. I didn't experience anyone overdosing, I didn't experience any of those things. And so now I'm so grateful that, if I'm going to experience those things, I'm so grateful to be in the space that I'm in now because I can show up. I can show up in a space of love and zero judgment. And what do you have to do to figure this out? What's the next step? Yeah, you know, being able to show up at a parent's house at 9 am the morning after their kid overdoses and showing up with, you know, love and guidance, support or Narcan or whatever it may be. I'm like, okay, this is what my life is about. This. That's all the other hardship aside, this is what it about and because I'm in this space, I was a part of saving a kid's life. Like it's, it's miraculous and it's and that was a lot too. That was so much being like, oh, wow, like I know I've helped people. I know that me sharing my story helps people, because it's my first time truly being aware and I literally physically helped someone, help save someone's life and that was a child. Huge, you know, that's huge. Yeah, so it's, it's a blessing we're able to.

Speaker 2: 49:05

In the after program, we do, you know, group activities with them and we do spiritual counseling with them and we do check-ins with them and accountability groups with them and, like on Fridays, we do events and we take them on retreat. Then we do all kinds of fun things to give back to them. Yeah, and it's amazing, you just basically help build their tool belts, wow, yeah, with tools. So when they do get out of the school or if they go on their own, they always know that they have one, a safe space to come back to, or two. They also have these things that we've taught them. You're sending them away with tools instead of just sending them away, and I can't tell you if I would have had something like that when I was a teenager. I can't even imagine because those were not things that we talked about. You know, in the drug life when I was a teenager, I was around all older people and nobody once ever said to me where's your mindset at Right? No-transcript.

Speaker 2: 50:40

We actually just had we have an annual fundraiser and it was at the Lardia. It was the end of last year. It was incredible to get to experience it and to see all the people show up just for the fundraiser. And Rita McIntyre she donated to the school her boyfriend I don't know if you know much about his story, but if you don't, definitely look this man up. Yeah, so he was in. Oh god, he is incredible. He came and he spoke at the fundraiser and he also donated, and so him and Reba are, you know, very plugged into the school, school, and we're always just putting it out there for anyone who wants to donate to the school. On the website, on Mission Academy's website, there is a button that you can click on and donate to the school. That helps with retreat, friday night events.

Speaker 2: 51:43

It helps us to be able to fund things for the kids that they need and that they deserve Right, Absolutely. And if someone doesn't feel comfortable donating funds to that, we will always gladly love to take in gift cards Walmart gift cards, grocery store gift cards because we have a kitchen in the school and we cook food for them. They eat their lunches there. We cook for them all the time. We love to provide for them because, at the same time too, not all kids come from a household where they are provided for and that they have food coming with them or money coming with them so that they can eat right, and we never let any kid go without food and stuff like that. We will always make sure that we are providing them with. You know we'll buy food or anything like that Nobody ever goes without, but that's just something that we're always sitting out there.

Speaker 2: 52:37

If anybody feels it in your heart to donate to such a special, special cause, this would be the one, because it's such a beautiful, beautiful lives that are there and beautiful, beautiful staff that are there that are continuing to carry it through. Because it is, I did not know what I was signing up for, but it is the most fulfilling job I've ever had in my life. You were meant for it. You were just meant for it. That's where you turned your pain into purpose and that's so beautiful. I love you, thank you. Well, tell me, lindsay, tell me, what else you were doing for yourself right now personally. Oh, what am I not doing? I'm doing all of the things I, so I am starting my travel. I'm starting my travel life, which is full expansion and just being able to really step into the different parts of the world and to connect with people and earth and things.

Speaker 2: 53:40

I work with women in one-on-one coaching sessions. Like I said, I'm the Love Sherpa. I help guide women up steep mountains to guide them back into themselves and welcome them home and so they can live their most thriving lives. I do that in person as well as online. I am a level one through three Reiki practitioner, so I do a lot of energy work. I love helping people heal. I'm not a healer, but I'm definitely a guy to help with the healing. I have an apothecary which I create beautiful, beautiful, beautiful products to aid in others journeys journeys of whether it's self-healing, self-love, recovery, enjoyment, self-care. I make beautiful products from Mother Earth, whether that be everything's made out of herbs, flowers and stones. I make beautiful bath milk, bath salts. I wrap sage bundles, I make manifestation vessels, I make tinctures. I make incredible anointed rose oil that I steep in. Every product that I make I set intentions into, I energetically charge.

Speaker 2: 54:53

I host women's healing ceremonies. I've got one coming up at the end of this month. And where are those at? Tell me where those are. At Bahama City, it's going to be local. Eventually I'll get back into doing virtual ceremonies. But I've got one coming up at the end of this month. And where are those at? Tell me where those are. At Oklahoma City, it's going to be local. Eventually I'll get back into doing virtual ceremonies. But right now the in-person ceremonies are in Oklahoma. But I have one that's going to be in South Washington in September. It's going to be a weekend outdoor ceiling camping retreat with two other women. I've also been in the talks with someone in Arizona, someone in Nashville, someone in Texas and I also want to house out here in California. Obviously I've done moon ceremonies. I also do Reiki, cleansing circles, virtual. I actually have my first one tomorrow night and then next Wednesday when I get back to oklahoma, I'm gonna have two in-person reiki cleansing circles each month, as well as two virtual for those that are not local in oklahoma.

Speaker 2: 55:49

I'm excuse me, an ordained minister in oklahoma, so I love to union, bring the onion for souls. I love that. I'm very plugged in. I just do a lot of really cool things and I'm always up for creating and making more magic, and some of your products are carried at Cosmic Flora and more. Yes, yes, yes, yes.

Speaker 2: 56:16

I actually just my first two years of my business. I just made all the things. I'm a generator by human design and I am also I'm air sign, but I'm also very grounded. I'm a, I'm a lever Gemini, capricorn, so I'm always doing all the things hitting walls, going around the walls, bringing it back, doing, doing, doing. But healing that hustle mentality has been really good. So now I'm living in my authenticity, but I'm always creating and generating.

Speaker 2: 56:43

And so in February I created my first actual collection for my apothecary. Everything Else Went Out the Door and it's the self-love and love collection. Beautiful, beautiful bath salts, milts are on the shelves. There's some little salt love vessels. I also started making rose petal powder that you can add to your bath for intentions of love and self-love. It also makes your water really a really pretty pink, purple color. And then I also have rose petal powder, without any essential oils in it that you can add to your lattes. If you want to add some intentions of love, you could add rose petal powder. Too funny, put on a straight, your heels it up, you could put it in a hair mask, a skin mask, exfoliation, you could put it on your altar. You could do all kinds of things with that. Okay, so all of those can be found at cosmic flora crystal company on one of the beautiful, beautiful shelves there perfect.

Speaker 2: 57:40

I definitely want to shout out to Shauna Childs at Cosmic Flora, who does an amazing job there as a great space and does an amazing job, so definitely wanted to make sure we mentioned her. Well, I have loved this time with you today. I love your whole story and your journey and we've been through some of the most similar things and and I really your journey just really resonates with me and just your heart is so beautiful and I just love where you're at right now on your journey. It's just beautiful to see and, as you know I think I told you I started following you about years ago, about three years ago, you were doing some things online and I kind of got in that circle of a few things you were doing online then and I've kind of watched you grow a little bit. And you're you know, you're friends with some of my friends on social media and all those things and I was like you know what? We're answering the same posts all the time. I am just going to reach out to Lindsay and see what's going on for her these days and I'm so glad I did girl, so glad I did I do girl, so do I appreciate you.

Speaker 2: 58:42

And when you get back here, let's definitely hook up, yes, and do all the things. Absolutely. I definitely want to bring you to the school, I want to introduce you to my coworkers, my boss and kids and definitely show you around and let you get a feel for it. And also, you know, come, sit in some of my circles, come be a part of the beautiful magic that's happening, because we, as women, need to continue weeding the web of the collective of love. More now than ever before, we need each other and it is a space of love. That is what I love to. Green is the love and the sacred space, so I would love to have you plugged in all the things that we're doing. I would love to be there. So when you get back and you get settled, let's definitely get together, okay, and love it absolutely. Thank you so so much for doing this with me and giving me your time today. Time is precious and I appreciate that. And so so much love, so much love, thank you.

Speaker 1: 59:51

I am so grateful that you joined me for this week's episode of Breakfast of Choices. If you're enjoying this podcast, please subscribe, give it five stars and share it to help others find hope and encouragement. The opposite of addiction is connection, and we are all in this together. Telling your transformational story can also be an incredible form of healing, so if you would like to share it, I would love to hear it. You can also follow me on social media. I'm your host, jo Summers, and I can't wait to bring you another story next week. Stay with me for more Transformational Thursdays.