Breakfast of Choices
Everyone has stories of transformation. And some of them include moments, or years of intense adversity, a time when it felt like there was no hope. This podcast, "Breakfast of Choices," holds space for people to share their true, raw and unedited stories of overcoming extreme struggles, like addiction, mental illness, incarceration, domestic violence, suicide, emotional and physical abuse, toxic family structures, relationships, and more. Trauma comes in so many forms.
Every week, as a certified Peer Recovery Support Specialist, Life Transformation coach and your host, I will jump right into the lives of people who have faced these types of adversity and CHOSE to make choices to better themselves. We'll talk about everything they went through on their journey from Rock Bottom to Rock Solid.
Through hearing each guest's story of resilience, my hope is that we'll all be inspired to wake up every single day and make our own "Breakfast of Choices". More importantly, that we'll understand we have the POWER to do it.
When someone shares their story, it can be unbelievably healing. And it can be just what someone else needs to hear at that exact moment to simply keep moving forward. So I hope you can find "that one little thing that sticks," along with hope and encouragement to just keep taking it one day at a time.
And now let me be the first to welcome you to the "Breakfast of Choices" community, a non-judgemental zone where we learn from, lean on and celebrate one another. Because the opposite of addiction is "connection", and we are all in this together.
If you would like to tell your story, I sure would love to listen. Please email me at Breakfastofchoices@gmail.com.
Respects,
Jo Summers.
Breakfast of Choices
Turning Pain into Purpose through Faith: Breaking the Cycle of Generational Trauma with Angel Gaddis
On today’s episode of Breakfast of Choices, I’m thrilled to welcome my guest, Angel Gaddis, to the show. Angel's story of overcoming addiction, childhood trauma, and finding purpose through her faith is truly inspiring. Growing up, Angel faced emotional neglect from her mother and abandonment from her father due to his drug addiction. This left her feeling lost, hopeless, and searching for fulfillment through unhealthy coping mechanisms like alcohol and sex.
However, Angel's journey is one of redemption. Through her unwavering faith in God, she found the strength to break free from her addictions and start the process of healing. Angel wrote a book called "The Innocence of a Guilty Victim" to share her story and offer hope to others who have experienced similar struggles. She is now passionate about using her experiences to inspire young women, speaking at events and workshops to help them break free from generational cycles of trauma and pain.
I was deeply moved by Angel's vulnerability and resilience. Her willingness to own her mistakes and forgive herself is truly inspiring. Together, Angel and I discuss the importance of turning our pain into purpose, no matter how dark the circumstances may seem. We encourage listeners to seek help, find their faith, and never give up on their dreams. Angel's story is a testament to the power of hope, healing, and the transformative impact of sharing our stories with others.
Angel's Book: The Innocence of a Guilty Victim
From Rock Bottom to Rock Solid.
We all have them...every single day, we wake up, we have the chance to make new choices.
We have the power to make our own daily, "Breakfast of Choices"
Resources and ways to connect:
Facebook: Jo Summers
Instagram: @Summersjol
Facebook Support: Chance For Change Women’s circle
National suicide prevention and crisis, hotline number 988
National domestic violence hotline:
800–799–7233
National hotline for substance abuse, and addiction:
844–289–0879
National mental health hotline:
866–903–3787
National child health and child abuse hotline:
800–422–4454
CoDa.org
12. Step recovery program for codependency.
Welcome to Breakfast of Choices, the weekly podcast that shares life stories of transformation. Each episode holds space for people to tell their true, raw and unedited story of overcoming intense adversity. From addiction and incarceration, mental illness, physical and emotional abuse, domestic violence, toxic families, codependency and more. Trauma comes in so many forms. I'm your host, Jo Summers, and also someone who hit my lowest point before realizing that I could wake up every day and make a better choice, even if it was a small one. So let's dive into this week's story together to learn from and find hope through someone's journey from rock bottom to rock solid, Because I really do believe you have a new chance every day to wake up and make a change, to create your own. Breakfast of Choices.
Speaker 2:Good morning and welcome to Breakfast of Choices, life stories of transformation from rock bottom to rock solid. I'm your host, jo Summers, and I have with me today my guest, angel Gaddis. I met Angel in a Podcasting for Women Facebook group and Angel had a book that she was promoting and the title of that book really caught my eye. It's called the Innocence of a Guilty Victim and that title just spoke to me for so many reasons. That title just spoke to me for so many reasons and I really wanted to know what her truth behind that was. And we talked on Facebook and then we spoke on the phone and she really talked to me about how she was turning her pain into purpose, how she used to seek to numb the pain, how she was raised by a mom that really didn't show her any kind of love. She thought and that's how she felt growing up. She was raised in church but she didn't really understand it. She didn't have that relationship with God that she really began to seek. She talked to me a little bit about a 40-day purpose that really created why and for her to understand her purpose.
Speaker 2:And I think that what Angel's out there doing right now is just beautiful and she has really learned and changed that victim mentality that she felt growing up and she has turned it into hey, it's me now. I'm the one that gets to decide how I'm going to live now and what I'm going to do with that pain. So I encourage you to listen with me to Angel's story today of turning pain into purpose and just offering hope and encouragement, especially for young people out there that you know, accountability for what we do in this life is huge. It's what it's all about is being accountable for what we do in this lifetime. So thank you, angel, for being here with me today. I am here with my guest this morning, angel, and I am super excited to have her here, and I'm going to go ahead and let Angel start with her story this morning. Hi, angel, so happy to have you here. Good morning, yes, good morning.
Speaker 3:Thank you for having me, Jo Summers. I appreciate you allowing me to tell you my story today.
Speaker 2:So thank you Absolutely, and, girl, I am just going to bring this up right now we met on Facebook on a women's podcasting social media, basically in a group, and you had a book title called the Innocence of a Guilty Victim and I was like that is just revolutionary fire right there and I had to know what the heck this was all about and hear your story and I know, after talking with you just a little bit, it's going to be amazing. So I appreciate you for being here today and your willingness to do this and share and be vulnerable and be here to offer that hope and encouragement to others by sharing our stories. It's so helpful and thank you for doing that You're welcome.
Speaker 3:I'll let you go ahead and get started. So the title is the Innocence of a Guilty Victim. I've had the title for over 10 years but never knew what I was going to use the title for, but it was always in the back of my head. So I'm glad to have the opportunity to have used it for my first book, my first autobiography. My story talks about how I turned my pain into purpose.
Speaker 3:Growing up, my mother was emotionally unattached and my father chose drugs over me. So I felt, why am I here? I felt like I had no purpose. I didn't know why I was here. My parents don't love me or are not in tune with me as I would think they should be. So I just lost hope. And so, through that and through trying to numb the pain, I started seeking things in life. At a young age, probably maybe 14 or so. I had a sex addiction, an alcoholic addiction, I had a drug addiction, you know, partying men, money, and through all of those years of seeking those things, I still was empty. Yeah, I still felt lost. I still felt hopeless.
Speaker 2:Yeah Well, you were nothing and nothing and trying to figure it out, but you hadn't really dealt, yeah exactly, and it was affecting my health.
Speaker 3:It was affecting my mental. I was pushing people away. I would hurt people unintentionally with my words and I got to a point where I was tired of doing the same thing, getting the same results. And sometimes God will align you, but you have to have discernment, you have to be aware. So he started aligning me with people to bring me back to him.
Speaker 2:Talk to me a little bit about. You said your mom was just emotionally unavailable. Tell me, like, dive into that a little bit for me, if you don't mind, what is mean by that, because I don't know that everybody understands what that is on the parental side from a child.
Speaker 3:Absolutely. So. I probably heard one time that she loved me. There was no hugging, there was no support in school, or you know, I played numerous sports. She would always say I'm working, which she did work because she was a single parent. But I found that other parents could make time for their children and mine couldn't. So it hurt. And then I started connecting more with my teammates family, because they became because I didn't have my mom and dad there, they became my support system and so, yeah, she, just she. She said her mother didn't give it to her. So we're going through a generational cycle, right, and because I saw the hurt she had, I tried to fill in by being what she didn't have, knowing that I wanted it too. So I felt like this is a win-win.
Speaker 3:But it was always a push away. Nothing I did was good enough. I was always reminded of what I did wrong, but I was never reminded or appreciated for what I did right. And so living in that space is just a negative environment. Everything was negative, I was negative, my mom was negative, nothing positive. If something positive actually happened, I would literally sit and wait. I couldn't even celebrate. I didn't know how to celebrate. I would wait for something bad. It was out of the ordinary for me to celebrate the good, so I was just brought up in a very negative environment and I didn't have the love and support that I felt I should have had, and I don't feel like I did anything wrong as a kid to deserve it. Gosh girl you didn't.
Speaker 2:You didn't. You hit it when you said that's how she grew up and that's what she knew, and when we know better, we do better. Right, absolutely, she didn't know better. She didn't try to know better. Exactly, she was trying to be away, work, do all those things, be away, work, do all those things. So she didn't have to live the feelings and develop any positive way to deal with life. Right, exactly, definitely got the repercussions of that. I did. But you did something different with it, right, you decided I want to know better and I want to do better. So that's why I had to kind of go back and dive into that, because it starts somewhere, right, and it started for her a whole generation back. And that's exactly what happens. And you said your dad shows drugs over you. I get that when you're a child, that is absolutely how you feel. Right, he shows over you. Yeah, yes, yes, he was an addict, right, was he in your life at?
Speaker 3:all Inconsistent Growing up. I'm not quite sure of what happened between my parents, but I would say at a younger age I'm going to give about three or so my mom took me away from my father Reasons nobody can give me reasons why, but I knew I had this desire for family and love. I just didn't know where I got it from, but it was my dad's side. My dad was the person that told me he loved me. My dad was a person that always said he was proud of me. My dad was a person that would play with me and hang out with me.
Speaker 3:But when he got addicted to drugs again, that took him away from me. He became an excuse of why he couldn't be around. He missed my graduation and he missed all the father dances and all of that, and I'm his only child. So that hurt, even though I know he had the love. That's why I say I felt like he chose the drugs over me because he had it in him, but he still chose otherwise. So I'm just sitting here a lost soul, wondering honestly why you didn't abort me. Why did you have me? Why didn't you give me away? I would have rather, you know, been in a different space or not even been here. This was my mindset back then. Yeah, because I felt like I had no purpose and my mom raised me in church. So I will say that Once I started understanding the word for myself, then I started understanding that I had purpose.
Speaker 2:And when? How old do you think you were when that kind of started happening for you? So I knew the.
Speaker 3:Lord my whole life. I grew up with him. I'm going to say when I started learning the word for myself, it was probably A year or so ago, okay, okay, very recent, and I'm 40 years old. Very recent, okay, a year or so ago. I really started trying to dive deep here. In the last six to seven months I really got in the word because I needed to know that I wasn't an accident.
Speaker 3:So when I started reading Genesis and I started doing study books that my cousin has sent me like a 40-day purpose through his church, then I started reading the word and getting excited, knowing that I'm not an accident. He made me with purpose. He knew me. He knows me. He kept me through every single thing that I went through. Even when I turned my back on him, even when I didn't listen, he was still there and he kept me. So I have a purpose. It doesn't matter what my parents did or did not do. He did it. He's my father. So I'm going to share this with you all, and this is the beauty of how God works. The three main people in my life that I thought should have been there, that would have made a difference in my life, was my mom, my father and my older brother. So what happened was each home he sent me to first he stripped me from everything, so then I was completely lost. I lost everything. Never been in a space like that, so I didn't want to live.
Speaker 2:Tell me about that. What do you mean by that? I lost my car.
Speaker 3:I lost my job. I didn't, I lost who I was. I was at my mom's house, just stripped completely of everything that I was used to having. I just lost myself and I was like I've never been in a place where I didn't have my own apartment, I didn't have my own car, but it was all gone. What took?
Speaker 2:you there.
Speaker 3:What sequence of events got you there With my car just started breaking down and I started putting in, putting in, putting in money, putting in money. Still it would not work. I would pray I wasn't understanding what he was trying to tell me. I'm not going to say he didn't try, but I wasn't understanding. So then I had to give the car back because the maintenance and paying for the car became too much for me. So that was the first time I got a repo. Then I turned around and I came back from San Francisco because I was working and traveling, working it and I wasn't doing my money right. So then I came back with no money can't get an apartment with no money. And then I didn't have a job. So I'm at my mom's house because I'm like, oh, I'm going to go to my mom's because I'm not sure if I want to travel again, so it wouldn't be smart to get another apartment, no traveling.
Speaker 3:So what he did was he took me and he broke me completely down to rebuild me, because the whole time I'm not wanting to live, I'm sad, I can't do this. He said yes, you can Just hold on, I got something for you, let me rebuild you. Because he kept me the whole time. We never went without food, I never went without a place to stay. I never went without getting to or from where I needed to go. He kept me the whole time and now I know why, and he will. He does say that in his word. You may not know what I'm doing now, but you will know what I'm doing eventually, and that's what he did.
Speaker 3:So then, once I got out of that storm and he tested, he took me to my mother's house for less than four months and he showed me who she really was. And when I say that, I say my mother lived with me for about eight years. So this was the first time I went back home to my mom's. I was still helping. Unfortunately, you know, I didn't have the job, but I was trying, but he showed me that she didn't want me there. She became so angry and I think it was envy and jealousy and that's just the honest truth. And I don't know why, because I love my mom so much and I know she loves me, but I feel like the things that God was blessing me with and the things that I was doing, she didn't get to do.
Speaker 2:Right. So she feel like she was just jealous and envious and there was things she wanted to do that she didn't get to do.
Speaker 3:Yes, because, like I know, she wanted to be a nurse, but unfortunately she had my brother at a young age. So she did go to college and her grandparents and her mother wanted her to, but being a parent and a mother, she couldn't do it, so she went back home. So there's certain things and I don't like to say jealousy because I don't want my mom to be jealous of me. You know I want her to fulfill the things she wants to do in life too. But that's what I felt and I've always felt that.
Speaker 2:Have you guys ever talked about that? Have you ever been that kind of relationship with your mom where you could have those kinds of talks? Wow, okay, okay.
Speaker 3:So it's just always something that you felt. It's what I felt and I didn't want to make her angry or make her feel any type of way, because anytime we have a conversation on a level to that degree, it's always me thinking I know everything and thinking I'm right, you know and you just. I'm not a confrontational person, I don't, I don't try to yeah, and that's not what you're trying to do.
Speaker 2:When you're having a conversation, especially with your mom, right, you're trying to get some things talked about and some things solved and unfortunately, everybody just can't do that. You know, exactly, yeah, exactly Okay. So you're back home and you're living there and you didn't feel like that was a great place to be.
Speaker 3:No, that's it. No, I did not Like, because after a couple of months I was probably there. About four or five months she stopped talking to me in her own home. She did not talk to me. I could see the anger and I didn't know why. And then a conversation was said that she wanted me to leave, and then she told me I was a burden, she didn't want me there, and so that hurt. So then I was like God why do you have me in a place like this? Why would you put me in something like this if she doesn't like me? And I had to start reading the Bible and understanding what parents are supposed to do and how parents are supposed to act and what God says. That's the only thing that gave me peace. It hurt, oh it hurt. I cried days and days and days and days, and I will tell you that I started drinking again, and it wasn't even drinking to get drunk, it was drinking just to feel something I never met outside of that, or to not feel something.
Speaker 3:Yeah, exactly yeah, and that hurt Absolutely yeah, exactly yeah, and that hurt absolutely yeah, and so I was mad at myself for that. So then I had to go in the bible, read about, you know, alcohol and what he says, because that was always one thing that was throwing my face was the fact that I was an alcoholic. So that was always the thing that they will use to hurt me, my family, and so I got to the point where I was tired of hearing this. So I said, you know, god is still here, god still loves me, god is still with me. So why is it such a problem for you when it comes to alcohol, when it's not for him? He still loves me, he still cares. So why are you worried? Why is it a problem? So once I went that way, then those words stopped. That whole conversation was over, it was done.
Speaker 2:Was it a problem for you in your life? The alcohol.
Speaker 3:Yeah, it was, okay, it was. That was probably my main struggle. That's what I used to go away to a different world. Even in my book I have chapter four talks about addiction. And I have a 20-year-old daughter and I have an 11-year-old daughter and my 20-year-old actually went through that time with me, that bad time. So she saw me as an alcoholic. She saw she would get so scared. She told me here recently, maybe a couple of years ago, that she would hide my keys so that I wouldn't get in a car, drive and die. So she still has this overprotection over me, still to this day and we talk about it and she understands and she loves the space I'm in. So I thank God for her seeing me grow.
Speaker 3:She's nowhere near that person. She's an an amazing girl, amazing junior in college, film director, go to la film school. So god kept me and god kept her, you know, and so she had a relationship with her. It was very different, yeah, yeah, very open, communicant. Yeah, we talked about we still it's almost like she's my little best friend but I'm still her mother, you know. But she confides in me just about with everything and that's the relationship I wanted to have. My kids, you know I love them. We said we, there's nothing that we cannot talk about. Yeah, I love that. You gotta own it, joe. You have to. I was an alcoholic. I gotta own that. I hurt my daughter. I have to own that absolutely. I did that absolutely and it's okay. Yeah, but some people can't own. My mother couldn't own the fact that she wasn't a good mother. My dad couldn't own the fact that he just wasn't a good father own it.
Speaker 2:You have, okay, yeah, you have to earn it too. You know how well. That's how you know. I guess you don't. If you don't want to grow right, if you, if you want to grow, you have to own it. If you don't care about growing as a person or doing better, I guess you never have to own it. Right, exactly, and and you did better and you owned your shit and you just look better. Yeah, you wanted better for your daughter and for your kids and for your relationship with your family and you broke that generational curse. You didn't. He was on drugs. It's still I think it's still kind of rubbed him the wrong way you know, because now the world knows, but it's my story.
Speaker 2:It's yours, it's my story. Yeah, it's yours, and it's unfortunate, but it's the truth and you know what. He cared enough to read it, so he wanted to know. He did want to know, right, he wanted to know. He did want to know, right, he wanted to know. And I'm sure that truth hurt. I'm sure it hurt and that's okay. That's okay. The truth does hurt.
Speaker 3:That's healing. You know that's healing. You know that starts the process of healing, owning it. And then we must move on. We don't dwell in it. But I had to forgive the young of me because I was trying to sweep everything under the rug and just start over. But you have to go back. So when I wrote my book, you know how many times I sat there crying and couldn't write and had to close the spiral up. I couldn't write anymore. I'm crying, Then I'm starting to reheal. Now I'm really having to heal because I'm really putting this old paper in the world. So I have to dive deep into my life and understand what has happened, what's going on and what I can do for the world to save those women who have lost hope. I love that.
Speaker 2:I love that, angel. That's beautiful, yes, thank you. And getting to that place, and it is hard, it is hard to go back, it is, but it is so necessary to heal those parts of yourself, to move on, to be able to move on right.
Speaker 3:And it's rewarding.
Speaker 2:It is rewarding. And, you know, we did stupid things and we hurt ourselves, we hurt people, we hurt our children, we all of those things. And that is just part of it that we have to forgive ourselves for Absolutely Person that we once were, because we're not that person anymore, right, and that's, that's OK. That's OK, yeah, yeah. So is your mom in your life now she?
Speaker 3:is. She actually has his way of doing everything. I'm in Florida now. I asked God what he wanted me to do. I did a women's conference after my book release. He sent me to Florida to work. He sent me on an assignment. I'm grateful for that. I'm actually in a positive light for one of my coworkers that I don't know. We didn't know we would be working together, so I thank God for that. He also sent me here for me to, I believe, have quiet time as well, as I told him. You know you take me where you need me to go. I promise I will do my mother on Mother's Day and she cried and she apologized and I explained to her, just as I'm talking to you all you know, don't dwell on what I did wrong. I just want you to be proud of who I am now, because I could have been dead. My health was bad with alcohol. I was at stroke level, didn't know it, High blood pressure.
Speaker 3:It was just my doctor even was scared that I was not going to make it. And I did. And every time I go to the doctor she's so proud of me. But I allowed, I put out, I allowed that relationship with God. I couldn't do nothing else, I couldn't do it myself.
Speaker 3:And when you, when you read the word for yourself and you understand his purpose for you and what kind of love he has for you, then you understand that you're beautiful inside out. You're fearfully and wonderfully made, you know, and like I could cry because I never thought I was beautiful. I just was so hard on myself and I didn't know how to celebrate me. And I'm still learning. You know it's God. When it's a smooth transition, when there's no chaos, when there's no confusion and your heart is just in all and your mind is just in a whole different space where you could have acted a certain way, you're like, nope, that's not who I am. And it's a continuous battle, because the devil is continuously busy and that's his job to be deceitful and it's his job to turn us back and it's his job to make us feel less of who we are. But that's not who we are. So you were chosen people.
Speaker 2:Yes, not react, but stay true to who you are and not react to every situation and every possible.
Speaker 3:That could have been a conversation with your mom on Mother's Day that probably could have went in a different direction, right, right, but you especially if I was an alcoholic because alcohol will bring the anger out of you, it'll I have to have said some nasty words to people, and it was the truth, but it was my delivery. My delivery would be shit at times, like because I'm coming from a hard place, but I'm coming from love, because I need you well. Also, I thought I did. Yeah, but I'm gonna go back and say this thing. So when he took me to, he took me to my mom's house, he took me to my brother's house and then he currently has my father with me. So it was like he brought them and we're in this space together for this certain amount of time so he could show me who I really needed, who was really there, that I didn't need them. They didn't define who I was, they didn't make me who I am.
Speaker 3:The situation, it was what it was, but he already knew all along who I was going to be. You know, it's just. I'll be honest. The devil has been trying to get me out of here. But God's power, his love, his protection, then that's because I have a calling on my life, and when the devil knows for anybody who's listening, when the devil knows you have a calling on your life. He's going to come full force, 100%. So you have to stand strong, believe and have faith in God that he's going to see you through and the power of prayer it works. Stand firm and know that God is with you and keep going, because the world needs you we love that, I love that angel and you know you did the first step.
Speaker 2:You know the 12 steps of AA and have you been through AA at all? Have you been?
Speaker 3:well you did. My daughter's dad there, joe, she said you know it's crazy that you've never had to go to AA as bad off as you were. You know you never had to go to a class because my cousin recently almost died and had to be sent off.
Speaker 2:Well, you did the first step yourself, angel. You admitted that you were powerless, and that's the first step. And so that's the reason I asked you if you had been through it, because that is truly the first step Admit that you're powerless, that our lives have become unmanageable. And you did that yourself, without even knowing. That was the first step. Right, you were already asking for the help, and that is powerful. That is powerful. You asked for that help, and you know everybody doesn't have to go to AA or go to NA, and recovery is different for everyone. You found a path and something that worked for you. Regardless of the path, you admitted your life was unmanageable, and that's what it takes. That's absolutely what it takes.
Speaker 3:Yes for you. Oh, with the Mondani, I'm still reading my word. I'm still growing in the word because I want young people to know, being that, I do have a 20-year-old, you know, the generation now is very different. It's a look that everybody is trying to find to please the world, so I'm just learning how to meet them where they're at, meeting young women where they're at. I'm wanting to go to group homes, do motivational speaking across the world. I'm working on that.
Speaker 3:I am working on a workshop called it's Broken, where I will be helping young women break generational cycles in their lives, and I'm actually going to be speaking in Tampa, florida, in November, speaking at a book, like a book festival, kind of like a book conference. So I'm super excited about that. All this information is on my social media Facebook, angel Gaddis, instagram, angel Gaddis. My book also is on Amazon for those that want to get my book. It is a very good read and it just walks you through how I turned my pain to purpose, how I got connected to God, how we built a relationship, how I'm changing my mindset and how he's changing my environment, the people around me, and where he's taken me. And you know, being that he did it for me, he could do it for you.
Speaker 3:I don't care where you're at in this world. I don't care if you're at the drug house. I don't care if you're in rehab. I don't care if you're in the hospital. I don't care if you're homeless. He loves you and he will meet you. Where you're at, it is no big deal. He's not looking for perfect, because he will protect you. Remember, he is not looking for perfect. Nobody can be perfect. So don't be afraid to go to him, don't be afraid to step out, don't be afraid to seek him. He's there and he's waiting on you. Other than that, I'm just trying to grow more in my faith. I'm trying to share my story with the world, to give women hope and to get to let women know they have a purpose. And let's, let's find that purpose. Let's find a purpose.
Speaker 2:Tell me about the title of your book. You said you've had that for a long time. My the title of my podcast is Breakfast of Choices, and that has been a part of me since I was 19 years old. My first day in jail, breakfast of Choices was something that I said to myself. You know, I made this choice sitting here at 515 in the morning at breakfast. I made this choice. I'm the only one that can make choices to do better Right. Tell me how that title came to you and why and you held on to it for a purpose. Let's hear it.
Speaker 3:I did. So the title has been with me, like I said, well over 10 years. I didn't really know what I was going to use it for. I've always been a poem writer, like my father, so I know I get the writing side from him. But I display all those characteristics at one point or another in my life and it just came to like I can't even tell you because I don't it's been so long I don't remember. I just know that at one time I felt like a victim, I was guilty, I was innocent. So the Holy Spirit just gave it to me and allowed me to keep it. But we all display those characteristics at one point in our lives. That's just the truth.
Speaker 2:That's why I'm asking you about that. That's exactly why I'm asking you about that, because that victim and, as you know, that victim mentality does not serve us well. Right, not at all, and you've gotten past that and that's why I was asking exactly. That reason is were you at that time, feeling like you were a victim?
Speaker 3:yeah, I will tell you my first. I wrote this book that I have now probably four years ago as of now, and I gave it to this lady. So I'm a part of the powerful journey organization which Miss Phyllis is the founder, and God aligned me and Miss Phyllis through another friend and when I had first wrote this book, I was trying to get people to edit it and it just would never work. It would either be they stopped editing, it would be that I didn't like where they were going with it. And when I got aligned with Ms Phyllis, she read my manuscript and told me to write it over. She said no and I said are you kidding me? Like I have have blood, sweat and tears in this book. She said you talk about God in chapter 10. I remember saying that. And she said I need to hear what he did throughout the chapters. I want you to take a chair, I want you to sit it in front of you and pretend like it's a 50 year old little girl who's crying with words. What are you going to tell her?
Speaker 3:And so my first book was woe is me's me. That's why I mentioned it. It was victim, victim. Look what happened to me, look, look how hurt I was. Look at the things. It was never me owning accountability. I've always owned my thing, but in my book I didn't own it. Yeah, I've always owned it in person, like I'm okay with that, but there's been times I'm like no, no, I don't want to hear it. You know, just in denial. But I was a victim in my first book. So in this rewriting it, I'm not a victim. I'm giving you my story. I'm owning it and showing you how I started the process of changing it.
Speaker 2:I love that and I love that. She, you know she didn't tell you to change your story. She told you to change how you're looking at your story, right, that is exactly what it takes, Right Change how I am looking at your story. I can go back and do the same thing. I was a victim. I was a child, I was young, I was vulnerable, I was innocent. Funny little thing, angel is that used to be my nickname when I was young, so that's why your name caught me. I was young, I was innocent, I looked innocent. I was able to do things for people because of the way that I looked and I did that whole victim thing for a while, like they wouldn't have if they wouldn't have. That's such bullshit. If I wouldn't have, you know what I mean If I wouldn't have, because then you have to own it.
Speaker 3:You have to say, even in my book I say I got tired of blaming my parents. Like we can play the blame game all day. But what am I going to do to fix it?
Speaker 2:I can't live like this, no, and that's where choices come in right. Every single day we wake up, we have a chance to make a new choice. Hello, hello, hello. And that is breakfast of choices for me. Every single day you wake up, you have a chance to make a new choice when you are, where you're at, what path you're on, how down you are. You have that chance to make a new choice. Yep, so this is a new slight.
Speaker 3:It's a new day Every single day. Yep, everything that's happened has already been forgiven. It's already done.
Speaker 2:So what are we going to do today? We can change it out to Angel, because I, you know we're doing some similar things. I'm trying to. I've spoken to Sober Living House recently and I'm trying to do more of that and do more of those things and, like you said, group homes and mentor youth and adults in recovery coaching. You know, whatever that recovery looks like, it doesn't have to be some other alcohol addiction recovery, right, absolutely Just being able to own that and have that accountability is what young people have to understand. You can't own someone else for so long until you have to go. I'm the only one that has the power to make these changes. I have the power to make new choices and that is exactly why we're here.
Speaker 3:Yeah, yeah, I love that girl and I'm so excited for you and your organization your podcast because it's giving women a platform to speak and tell their story. I'm also excited about you know your recovery, thank you. It's good to be in a space I'm very happy for you with someone like-minded, so you understanding. You know how it feels and what what you go through during those times, so it's beautiful that you're very vulnerable yourself. To you know, speak on your story, your life. Someone maybe has lost hope in yourself. To you know, speak on your story, your life. Someone maybe has lost hope in jail or you know has lost you know their way. But seeing how you were once there and look at you now, that's an outlet for someone else to know that it can happen for them. So I'm glad that God has given us this opportunity to talk with each other and share our story. I think what you're doing is amazing work. I'm right there with you, yeah, and it leads me in a way that I, you know, need to go to be doing what you're doing.
Speaker 2:I love that girl. I really do, because there was a time that I wasn't vulnerable. I never shared my story. Fear of judgment, fear of rejection, fear of validation, all of the things, all kinds of stuff right. And business in the business world right, that people are going to say maybe that's not somebody I should do business with or that's not right, and at some point you just have to say, excuse my language, but you just have to say fuck it, that's not what I'm living for. I'm not living for everybody else and what they need to tiptoe around for a purpose, like you said, turning your pain into purpose. And I always knew that. I always knew.
Speaker 2:I think I speak a little bit about that on my story that I'm about to share on my podcast. You know, I was going to college when I was 16, just turning 17. And I was selling drugs on my way to college in the morning. But I was going to college for so funny criminal justice oh I know girl Classes like juvenile delinquency and things. I was even interested in this back when I was living and going through it. So it's just so how your life does turn around. Like I think I always knew my purpose. I just didn't know how to get there. You know, exactly, exactly, and figuring out that path and how to turn that pain into purpose is huge. It is huge and it's huge for us, for us to heal and for us mentally it's huge. But to be able to show someone else that, hey, it can be done, you can follow that purpose no matter where you're at, is just amazing.
Speaker 3:It's amazing, it's amazing, Because it's like how could I be the alcoholic, yet I'm trying to get someone else out of it? I've struggled with it, but yet I'm trying to help someone else who's struggling with it, even in the midst of it. So that's a blessing within itself to be able to be there for somebody, either when you're broken or even when you're in pain you know, being in that storm and still being able to turn around and give a hand up.
Speaker 2:That's what it's about. It's amazing. It is amazing. I really appreciate you being here today and, just, you know, being able to share your hope and share your story with people. I appreciate that so much, absolutely. What a gift that you're giving to the world. Thank you for doing it.
Speaker 3:Thank you, we definitely have to stay in touch. I'm from Texas, so I'm really I Thank you for doing it Same with you If you see an opportunity and you'd be like, hey, joe, might house stays in the house, which I talked about it in my book. Absolutely well, whatever was going on should have been talked about in the house. It maybe should have stayed, but it should have been talked about and it wasn't. So that is the problem that we struggle with is holding, holding everything in and holding on to stuff, and mental health was not one to be talked about.
Speaker 2:No, You're all right. Yeah, it's generational, though, because they didn't do that. They didn't. My dad also never said I love you and girl, I'll be honest, I don't remember even one time. I am sure he did when I was little. I'm sure he did when I was you know a baby. I'm sure he did when I was you know a baby. I'm sure he probably said it. I do not remember, neither do my brothers. So it is not just okay.
Speaker 2:Yeah, my dad was literally on his deathbed and I said love you dad and he said okay, oh why? Oh shit. I walked outside and I just stood there and I shook my head and I was like he's gonna take that shit to his grave. And my brother, he knew that that visibly shook me and he came out and he, you know, he stood there with me for a little bit and he said he can take it to his grave. And I said I just said the same thing to myself. It just wasn't his generation. They weren't actually feely huggers. My dad was the most awkward hugger that I've ever known in my life, didn't even know how to. It was like this weird, like not even a hug, right, and my oldest brother. Laugh about that because we're super with our kids. You know what I mean. I'm like I love like too much. And then my son's like. Now he's like I love you too much, mom. I'm like not for me. That's great.
Speaker 3:And my youngest daughter is actually like that. And she said, Mom, you know why I say I love you so much? And I said why? She said because I may not ever see that person again. So I want them to know I love them Absolutely. You give me girls. I'm broken, I can't help them. I'm gonna be a bit, I'm gonna turn them into. You know me. But he knew just what he was doing and so they are amazing.
Speaker 2:So I love that and, yeah, one of the things I'm working with people about and I'm I do it myself now is the fact of not saying I'm broken, saying we're healing, we're healing, we're not, we're not broken, we're healing. Yeah, and I think if we walk around in the mindset of saying we're broken, what happens? We got that negative right. That's true. So we want to be positive, attracting positive. So I choose to go with we're healing, we're all healing, and that's what we're doing here, girl?
Speaker 2:we're linking arms and we're, you know, we're we're showing people that it's possible. Yes, ma'am, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you. I appreciate you being here today and I'm going to keep watching what you're doing and I hope that we do stay in touch, angel, we will. I feel like we can maybe share this story together someday. Absolutely, I think that would be beautiful.
Speaker 3:I agree. So stay in touch with me and I'll stay in touch with you.
Speaker 2:So anybody that may be listening today and if you find yourself struggling and if you find yourself just running out of hope, please know that there is always, always, always hope, and if you need to reach out, I know that I'm always listening and I feel that Angel's listening too. So if someone needs to reach out and needs to have some resources and needs to be pointed in a direction, please do, please do, reach out, absolutely. I have had some phone calls lately that meant the world to me, with people reaching out. Please do. I don't just say that to say it, I really do. So yes, then thank you, angel, for what you do. Thank you, michelle Summers.
Speaker 3:I appreciate it.
Speaker 1:I am so grateful that you joined me for this week's episode of Breakfast of Choices. If you're enjoying this podcast, please subscribe, give it five stars and share it to help, thank you can also be an incredible form of healing, so if you would like to share it, I would love to hear it. You can also follow me on social media. I'm your host, jo Summers, and I can't wait to bring you another story next week. Stay with me for more Transformational Thursdays.
