Breakfast of Choices
Everyone has stories of transformation. And some of them include moments, or years of intense adversity, a time when it felt like there was no hope. This podcast, "Breakfast of Choices," holds space for people to share their true, raw and unedited stories of overcoming extreme struggles, like addiction, mental illness, incarceration, domestic violence, suicide, emotional and physical abuse, toxic family structures, relationships, and more. Trauma comes in so many forms.
Every week, as a certified Peer Recovery Support Specialist, Life Transformation coach and your host, I will jump right into the lives of people who have faced these types of adversity and CHOSE to make choices to better themselves. We'll talk about everything they went through on their journey from Rock Bottom to Rock Solid.
Through hearing each guest's story of resilience, my hope is that we'll all be inspired to wake up every single day and make our own "Breakfast of Choices". More importantly, that we'll understand we have the POWER to do it.
When someone shares their story, it can be unbelievably healing. And it can be just what someone else needs to hear at that exact moment to simply keep moving forward. So I hope you can find "that one little thing that sticks," along with hope and encouragement to just keep taking it one day at a time.
And now let me be the first to welcome you to the "Breakfast of Choices" community, a non-judgemental zone where we learn from, lean on and celebrate one another. Because the opposite of addiction is "connection", and we are all in this together.
If you would like to tell your story, I sure would love to listen. Please email me at Breakfastofchoices@gmail.com.
Respects,
Jo Summers.
Breakfast of Choices
Breakfast of Choices: Sharing My Own Story - Part 2 Jo Summers
Welcome back to another episode of Breakfast of Choices. Last week, I did something a little different on the show and shared my own personal journey from an interview I did on a friend Louis Jenkins podcast, “Let’s Talk About It”. Today, in this episode, I will be sharing part two of my story.
I tend to approach my story with a lot of humor - that's just how I got through the difficult times. All though the subjects are serious! I made a lot of poor choices in the past and found myself in some dangerous situations, including legal trouble, drugs, deaths and domestic violence. But through counseling, the 12-step program, and other recovery resources, I was able to transform myself and become the best version of me. A work in progress every day!
My hope in sharing my journey is to offer hope and encouragement and let others know that recovery is possible. It's not easy, but there is help and support available. Reaching out for that support system was crucial for my own reintegration into society and finding a sense of purpose.
So thank you for joining me again for part two of my story. If you ever need any resources or someone to talk to, please don't hesitate to reach out. I'm always here to listen and provide support. Let's continue this journey of transformation from Rock Bottom to Rock Solid together.
From Rock Bottom to Rock Solid.
We all have them...every single day, we wake up, we have the chance to make new choices.
We have the power to make our own daily, "Breakfast of Choices"
Resources and ways to connect:
Facebook: Jo Summers
Instagram: @Summersjol
Facebook Support: Chance For Change Women’s circle
National suicide prevention and crisis, hotline number 988
National domestic violence hotline:
800–799–7233
National hotline for substance abuse, and addiction:
844–289–0879
National mental health hotline:
866–903–3787
National child health and child abuse hotline:
800–422–4454
CoDa.org
12. Step recovery program for codependency.
Welcome to Breakfast of Choices, the weekly podcast that shares life stories of transformation. Each episode holds space for people to tell their true, raw and unedited story of overcoming intense adversity from addiction and incarceration, mental illness, physical and emotional abuse, domestic violence, toxic families, codependency and more. Trauma comes in so many forms. I'm your host, Jo Summers, and also someone who hit my lowest point before realizing that I could wake up every day and make a better choice, even if it was a small one. So let's dive into this week's story together to learn from and find hope through someone's journey from rock bottom to rock solid, Because I really do believe you have a new chance every day to wake up and make a change, to create your own. Breakfast of Choices. Good morning, Welcome to Breakfast of Choices life stories of transformation from rock bottom to rock solid.
Speaker 2:I'm your host, jo Summers, and last week I did something just a little different. I shared my own story. So today this episode will be part two. I had done an interview with my friend, louis Jenkins, on his podcast let's Talk About it, and Louis is so great and we had such a great time together that I just decided to share my journey with you that way. So if you get a chance, please check out Lou on his YouTube channel, let's talk about it. I shared quite a bit of my story last week. This week will be part two, as I said, and thank you for listening.
Speaker 2:First of all, and just you know, when you hear my journey, I come at it a lot from a place of humor, because that's how I had to get through things. That was just my life. I used a lot of humor. I did not make good decisions and I did a lot of dangerous things. I just allowed myself in dangerous places. A bad environment. You know reap, the consequences of my own bad choices led me into legal trouble trying to navigate the legal system at a young age. You know life in prison is harsh, it's not funny, it's not fun and games. You know domestic violence is not suicide, is not fun and games. And again you hear me make light of a lot of things. Please know I don't take those things lightly.
Speaker 2:During my recovery process and my recovery journey I have had a lot of counseling. During my recovery process and my recovery journey I have had a lot of counseling. Some was mandatory, the rest was on my own. And I have done NA. I've been through the 12 steps. I have been through many courses, many classes over the years to heal myself, to transform myself and just you know, when you know better, you do better to become, you know, the best version of myself. And that's what I want for everyone. I want, I hope, that you hear that one little thing, that stick, that you know that recovery is possible for everyone. There is hope and you just have to ask for help and I know how hard that is, but there is people listening and people want to help. Support systems are crucial for recovery and just reintegration into society and helping others. It just provides a sense of purpose and fulfillment. So thank you again for listening, for helping me to offer hope and encouragement to anyone out there who may be struggling and, as always, if you need any help, please call me, please contact me. I have resources available and I'm always here to talk and to listen. So thank you again joining Breakfast of Choices and joining me for part two of my story.
Speaker 2:They were looking for AR-15s, ak-47s. They were looking for heroin. They were looking for all of thiss ak-47s, they were looking for heroin. They were looking for all of this shit and I'm like what. So I was like why, what have I done? Like what, what have I gotten myself into? Right? I'd only been there about two or three weeks. At this point I don't even know all what the hell's you know. Yeah, that's a down right there. Yeah, that was bad.
Speaker 3:You've been there for two weeks. As soon as you step off the train, you ask the party. You've been there for two weeks. You got a cop who already searched your crib already. He's waiting for a search warrant. You already searched it already. I'm trying to take this then. Yeah, I would. Okay, I'm sorry, that's a lot, Because when people see the anything they'll be like what the fuck?
Speaker 2:And what they had on the search warrant was really what was blowing me away, right, because I'm like I hadn't seen any of this activity. I hadn't seen any of what they're talking about. I'm like what did I get myself in the middle of? Right? And you got to remember he was a good dude, he was good to me, he was kind, he was really what I needed at that moment. You know what I mean. I needed someone to just be kind, and he was. He wasn't. There was no expectations, he wasn't. He was just being a good dude, like you're in a bad situation, let's get you somewhere safe to stay, where you feel okay and you feel safe and let's just live our lives. You know what I mean. He was being a good dude and this all happened right. So there was something else on the search warrant that was hamburger, meat, lunch meat and cheese. I know, and I remembered a little situation that had happened a week prior One of the guys that another dude who had just got out of prison came over to the house and he had a big pile of stuff on the floor and on top of that was a police bubble light and I'm like I am not liking the way this is looking right here.
Speaker 2:And who is this dude? Why is he here? He was Mr Personality, mr Sparkling Everything and brought all this stuff over to the house and he had hamburger, meat, cheese, lunch meat and all these things and he's like I brought all this over, you guys, let's have a barbecue. What he had done, lou, is he had burglarized the house about a block away, went into some dude's garage and took all this out of their deep freeze. And I remember thinking it was really weird when he had all this, because I'm like who just gets out of prison and buys all this food and brings it over so people can have a barbecue Like nobody, because you don't have any money, dude. So I was like this is weird in itself but I just let that go. But then when I saw the search warrant, I was like motherfucker, this dude that I had the really bad vibe about. So he had gotten some trouble, did a burglary. Him and this guy's brother that I live with had done a burglary of where they were working when they were working and got into a the first time I've ever heard that before. Trust me, I'm telling you it sounds ridiculous. And they got shot.
Speaker 2:And instead of him wanting to go to jail, he just started making up all kinds of stuff that he knew. And you're going to get these people. I've got these people you can take, don't take me. And it was a Friday night, lou, and I'll never forget it. It was a Friday night and he had said that he got arrested. And he came home and I said what are you doing here? He said what do you mean? I said why are you here? You just called an hour ago and said you were like three hours ago and said you were arrested. Yeah, I got out. I said you got out on a Friday night. Yeah, I said bullshit, what the fuck is going on. And he knew, right that moment that I knew he had just snitched heavily and something was about to go down. And I knew it, I felt it and I told his brother and he was like no, no, he wouldn't do that, you wouldn't do that. I'm like dude back. He just came home on a friday night. Nobody gets arrested on a friday and gets out on a friday night. You won't get released. Midday Monday, yeah, and they let him out. I said Brian, still there, isn't he. But guys out, what's happening? So I already knew, I knew something was wrong, but I didn't know. I didn't know the extent of everything, like I was lying but I knew something was not right.
Speaker 2:Tony was already arrested by that point and I was like something is just really, really off here. Well, so what the cop ended up saying to me was you can't stay here, you don't live here. I said what do you mean? I don't live here? He said you're not on the lease. Well, he was correct about that. I wasn't on the lease, so I had nowhere to go, lou, I had nowhere to go, nowhere to stay.
Speaker 2:This guy was taking me to my job, right, I had no car. I'm like, oh, this is not good, this is a bad situation. Here we go again, right, you know, I have been through many bad situations in my life and I'm going to figure it out and I'm going to survive, okay. But I was like this sucks. I'm really trying to do good. You know, I got a job, things are flowing, but this is going to suck because I was pretty far away from my job at this point, because I had moved. You know what I mean. I'd lived in with him.
Speaker 2:So he had already been arrested and had this bright idea for me to talk to somebody about getting them out of jail. In that moment I didn't quite know the extent of what I was doing, but but what we're actually talking about is breaking them out of jail. Ok, so I know, lou, I'm an idiot, so I go to. So what happened was he said hey, I've got this guy lined up and he will get you a hotel room tonight, so you've got somewhere to stay if you just talk with him. Well, that sounded pretty good, right, because I got nowhere to go. I tried to go stay with his mom for a minute and I got kicked out of there because they were worried.
Speaker 2:The guy his mom took me with her to go stay at someone else's house. I thought she was taking me to her house. She took me to some other dude's house. I'm like what are we doing? And I'm just following along blindly, right, and this dude, he takes me to work the next morning.
Speaker 2:The next morning he said look, you seem like a really nice girl. And I laugh, of course, because I'm like yeah, ok, and he's like you seem like you got yourself caught in some shit and I'm sorry for that. He said but you can't stay at my house. And I said I totally feel you, I get it, I understand. And he said I'm going to take you to work today because you need to go to work, but you can't stay at my house. Well, they had taken all my stuff and thrown it in a dumpster. So they threw all my stuff away and the cops took some of my stuff too. Let's be clear on that. They raided the house and they took a bunch of stuff too. They can say they took it for evidence, but they took a bunch of my shit. So I don't really have much at this point because I had. Now I don't even have that, right.
Speaker 2:So this guy says I can come to the hotel and he's going to get me a hotel room. And I go and we go to the bar and this dude is pumping me full of drinks, right, and I am 19. So should not be at a bar, should not be drinking. Nobody ID'd me and I'm thinking to myself well, if this is a cop, cool, because he's pumping me full of drinks and that's against the law. So I'm good, right, Let me just drink.
Speaker 2:So he takes me upstairs in this hotel room, which the hotel was completely staged. And he has me talk to someone on the phone which is actually somebody in jail that Tony had made a plan with to break him out. So I'm talking to this guy, I'm not saying much, I'm listening more than talking, not saying a whole lot of anything, and he's kind of telling me what we're going to do and all these things and I'm saying OK, ok, ok. And the cop takes me downstairs and pops the trunk of his car and he has weapons, he has explosives, he has C4 in the trunk of his car and he has weapons, he has explosives, he has C4 in the trunk of his car. Okay, and he's wanting me to touch it. And I'm thinking, yeah, is this my first fucking rodeo? Like what is your problem? You know, I'm thinking he ain't touching shit. You got in your car and I didn't. I didn't touch nothing. I'm like who does that? Right? So I knew that something was up right at that point the next day. So I get a hotel room, I stay there.
Speaker 2:The next day we make a plan we're going to go to the jail, he's going to drive me up to the jail, we're going to drive around it and I'm in on this, whatever's happening, and you could talk. We had the I don't know how or why, but we had the phone numbers and we could talk to each other in jail. Like we have the numbers for the pod and I could call. I don't know how or why, but I could call and talk to Tony. And so I call him from the outside of the jail and I call and I'm talking to him and saying I don't trust this dude, I don't like this dude, and I'm out, I'm leaving, I don't trust him and we're going to go. You know, mcdonald's, every single one is laid out the same. There's a door you walk in in the front and there's a door you walk in out by the bathrooms in the corner right, every single one. And I tell Tony I'm going to have him take me to McDonald's and I'm going out the back door.
Speaker 2:Well, all of this is recorded. They're, you know, recording the whole thing. They know I'm leaving. He's trying to get me to draw a map of the jail, which I didn't do that either. Literally hands me a piece of paper and a pen to draw a map of the jail and I'm like this dude's trying to get me to touch weapons C4, draw a map of the jail. I'm like, come on, like, really. So I knew obviously that it wasn't good. So, as we're leaving, they now know that I know because everything's recorded. So I'm now getting arrested by helicopters, cops coming from everywhere, and everybody in the jail is looking out their windows watching me get arrested, including Tony right, helicopter coming down and this guy says he looks over at me and says this better not be because of you. And I was like shut the fuck up. So that's all recorded, right. So my attitude probably could have been a little different throughout this whole thing and maybe it would have been a little better. I don't know. But they arrested me, took me to jail and it was already all set up, lou, everything was set up. My bond was $100,000. Everything was all set up.
Speaker 2:I'm in this little cell and I'm still thinking I haven't done anything, right, I didn't touch anything. I haven't done anything. I am still in my head doing what I always do my whole life Getting through it. I'm surviving, I haven't done anything. I'll be out of here in a. So not exactly the case.
Speaker 2:I am now in county jail and when they came in that night and asked me for my shoelaces, I knew it might be a little more serious than I thought. I'm like that's probably not good for aggravated I don't remember what the original charges were. It's been so long aggravated aiding and abetting or something to do with weapons because of what he had. Well, I never touched those, weren't mine and I never touched them, right. So I'm like no, and conspiracy to aid and abet and escape and all these different charges, right, there was like three felonies or something. So I'm in county jail and I'm still thinking I'm going to get out.
Speaker 2:I'm still thinking I'm getting out of here, right, and my best friend from California, my best girlfriend, was supposed to come see me that weekend. She was flying out and I had to call her and say we got a little problem. You probably can't come. She's like what's going on? And I had to call her collect. So she obviously knows right. And she's like what are you going to tell your parents? And I said I'm not gonna tell them anything. And then she was like I said yeah, I can't, I don't even know what's happening. Like I'm probably gonna get out of here. Like I'm just you know, duh, everything's happy, everything's fine, right, like, like, no, and I wasn't going to, I flat wasn't going to and she called my mom. So she still came out and she came out with my mom and they were at my arraignment Monday morning and because of the whole escape issue, they had me dressed in red, shackled, handcuffed, all the things. I look like a crazy person, right, and everybody else that's in jail is in orange and they're just walking in, everything's fine and I'm all shackled man, kept by myself and my mom is like what's happening, right? And yeah, it was really the first minute that I took a look at what was happening and like, saw the look on my mom's face you know what I mean and really had to go. Oh shit, like broke her heart, you know what I mean. Like broke her soul. You could see that she was like my daughter has not even been that gone that long. What, what did I miss? So I saw that she was kind of sad and trying to figure out what was happening.
Speaker 2:And the cop the same cop that was in the house that day was the one that got up on the stand at my arraignment. I bet he couldn't wait to get on there, could he? My gosh Lou. He said some things that I was even like. What? Like? He called me a killer.
Speaker 2:It was so ridiculous that I think I might have even laughed, which that doesn't help a situation, right? No, I'll bet so no. But I was like what in the actual is happening here? What is this dude talking about? And he was just icing on the cake, right? He was saying all this shit and I'm falling in my finger like and so that? And I don't get to speak at an arraignment, right, it's just them telling what the charges are going to be. So am I going to be held over? Well, yeah, after the judge heard everything he had to say, I'm staying. And so a bond person comes in and gets me out of my cell and he's like you know, your bond's a hundred thousand. And I just laughed. I'm like, okay, what I mean? There's nothing I can do with that.
Speaker 3:Wait, was it a hundred thousand?
Speaker 2:and 10% or 10% or no. It would have been 10% of the hundred thousand, but at that time that was 1989, right. And somebody telling you your bond is $100,000, I'm like, okay, that ain't happening. I could have had people I could have called, but I wasn't doing that. So I'm like here I am, I guess, and my mom said you need to call your dad, you need to talk to your dad. So I call you know, call my dad. Collect from jail. Worst call you want to make is a child, right. And he's like I don't have that kind of, I don't have that. And I said, dad, I'm not asking you for that at all. Like we have always had this conversation that the shit that I get myself into is my own shit, like my lifestyle is my lifestyle and it shouldn't affect you. I said, dad, I would never ask you for that money. And he's like, oh, like I can't put up my house. I'm like, dad, just stop, stop, you don't need to do nothing, you don't have to do anything here. This is my own shit that I caused, that I got myself into. I'll figure it out. And you could tell how bad he felt. But I'm like this is not anybody's problem of mine, right.
Speaker 2:And so, lou, I was sitting in jail. They take me to county jail. That it was that morning. It was like they take you at like three in the morning, right, so that nobody knows when you're leaving, when you're coming, all that stuff, and they put you in your cell and they lock you in, spray you off, do all the things right, humiliate the shit out of you and then put you in the jail cell. And then so at 5.15, they wake you up for breakfast. 5.15, who does that? Okay, and so you gotta remember, I'm like a meth addict. 5.15 and breakfast isn't even a thing for me, right? So I'm already pissed because I'd been up all night and I'm, you know. They got me in jail now and I'm already mad.
Speaker 2:And so I'm sitting at the picnic table where they send you with your little cup and your spork, right, and I sit down and spork. You can't have anything too important. He has a spork. And I'm like this lady girl walks up to me and sits down next to me and she's just like, hey, do you want your biscuit and jelly? And I'm like in the what the? No, here's my fucking biscuit and jelly. Bitch here Like I was.
Speaker 2:I was mad, lou, I was just angry. I was angry. I mean, I'm sitting there, right, but that's where breakfast of choices came to me. I'm like it's 5.15 in the fucking morning in County Jail. I'm at breakfast of all damn places at 515. And these are the choices that I made, right, and I'm literally sitting there shaking my head at myself, like what in the hell are you doing? I am barely 19. Right, oh, and what are you doing with yourself? This is not how you grew up, this is not how you were raised, right. I'm doing that whole thing with myself, like I'm the parent, right, and I'm just like shaking my head. I'm mad at myself at this point. I'm just yeah.
Speaker 3:You know, the first thing I want to ask you is this I'm sorry, because your story is so fucking good. I did not go on a lie. I mean, jill, I'm telling you I think they should make a movie about this. I am dead, ass serious. But when you first went in right and you can continue on how long you've been there Like right and you can, you can continue how long you've been there like what was the first withdrawal symptoms you went through, so I had actually been clean for a little bit.
Speaker 2:Are you clean? With it I had been clean.
Speaker 2:I, when I went to colorado, I didn't do any math okay I've been through this whole situation like tony wasn't doing drugs or anything. I drank. I was drinking, but I wasn't doing any math at all. I hadn hadn't. I didn't even smell pot or anything. I that was never really my thing, but I didn't. I did not do any.
Speaker 2:So I was proud of myself and mad at the same time, cause it's like I quit the drugs, but I'm sitting in jail right now Like what? In the hill? So I, but I wasn't, my brain wasn't functioning at the right level. Yet I'm still making the same non-decisions and doing the same things as I was doing my whole life as an addict. Just people pleasing right, just go along with it, going the flow. People yeah, I'll do that, you know what I mean. Just stupid, just absolutely ridiculous, not making decisions for myself still. And I realized that that morning I actually because I had been clean a few months now, and I realized that that morning I actually because I had been clean, you know, a few months now, and I like realized that at that point I was like this is the choices that I've made right, and I ended up staying in jail. I didn't get 16 to 32 years. They ended up pleading out my.
Speaker 2:My final charge ended up being conspiracy to aid in the bed and escape. That ended up being my final. So they had to take all the weapons stuff off, all the aggravated stuff, which I was like I didn't aggravate nothing, I didn't touch nothing, do nothing, have nothing, bring nothing, no, not copping to any of that. So they took all that off and that's what I ended up with. But it was such a highly publicized case Because you got to remember there's an undercover cop involved, freaking all of their you know resources with helicopters and cops and the jail and all of the officers that were involved and all the things. So it was highly publicized. It was in the newspaper Like it was ridiculous. It was ridiculous, embarrassing, ridiculous.
Speaker 2:But I was a small girl, I was like 98. I was probably 100 pounds at that point I put a little weight on a little scrappy, a little bit, a little bit, a little bit scrappy. But I had on this red jumpsuit, right, and so everybody else is an orange. So I just had to kind of use that to my advantage because I didn't know if I was crazy or what the hell was. So I just used that a little bit. I was like, all right, I'm going to have to make this work for me because I'm not very big.
Speaker 3:I just want to ask you like, because really I've never not many people talk about women in jail. Like you know, before you even wore that how was that experience Like, especially around other women in jail? Everybody talk about the guys in jail and all the stories guys in jail and all the stories. I've heard plenty of guys' stories. How was it for females?
Speaker 2:Women are worse, women are mean. So not to be racial or racist or anything here, but I was a 19-year-old blonde, very small white girl in jail with about 27 other females that were not white, right. There was a time there was three of us that were white and everybody else in there was of a different race, not all black. I'm just saying different races of all and talk about getting to see the difference in what people go through of different races when you're now the absolute minority right through of different races, when you're now the absolute minority, right. So I got to experience that level of um, what that feels like to go through for someone else. You know what I mean and I'm I'm actually grateful for that experience because I think that changed my life for real okay and I and I'm grateful for that just I have so much more empathy for people.
Speaker 2:I always did, but I think I have more now than ever. You know, after that whole episode, or whatever the hell you want to call it.
Speaker 3:Because you lived it and faced it.
Speaker 2:I lived it, I saw it. I will also say there was some serious problems of people using that to their benefit also, so I got to see that as well.
Speaker 3:That's very true, they do that, yeah, but I got to see a as well. That's very true, they do that?
Speaker 2:Yeah, but I did. I got to see a lot of different things that you don't see unless you're in the middle of that, right? Yeah, so it was. It was very interesting. When I got there, you got to remember my lifestyle. I was already from the street, so to speak. You know what I mean. I was already conditioned, schooled, whatever for that life and and that side of it. So when I got there, I really actually got to see that's not really how I was brought up. It was a very different slap in the face, so to speak, of seeing and learning about how other people grew up, learning about shit that other people went through. I didn't go through shit as a child, lou. Really my whole life was freaking daisies compared to what people went through, and I really had to look at that and think I made those choices to go that direction. Some of these people that are here never had a choice, right.
Speaker 3:I can totally understand that, Justin.
Speaker 2:I didn't have a lot of choices either I can remember being in jail when I first walked in or not first walked in, but like something I can remember is there was a lady mopping. She was mopping and it was kind of just like a scene you would see in the movies, right?
Speaker 2:yeah, yeah, yeah yeah they're mopping and hair's all frizzy and it's up in a bun and she's an older lady and I'm just like this is just crazy. You know what I mean? This is just crazy. It looked like a movie in there and I'm like but you're not in a movie, this is real life, right. And so you know, back then it was just something that I had to go through and went through. I stayed in county for a while. Then I got.
Speaker 2:I ended up getting sentenced to five years and I think I got to I don't know three years or something and met the parole board. They paroled me and it was time for me to get paroled out. But they were going to take me to a halfway house and I said no, I'm not doing that, you have to do that. I'm like not going. And so they took me to the hole that night, took me to max security, put me in the hole and tried to come in and reason with me and tell me I had to go. You know, you're going to this halfway house. I'm like I ain't going. And they're like what the hell is the matter with you? You're getting paroled out, you're going to a halfway house. And I said I'm not going back to the playground? I'm not doing it. You're putting me right back in the spot that you took me out of. I'm not doing it. And I didn't. They said you're going to have to go in the hole and you're going to have to see the parole board again and they're not going to let you out because you're disobeying a direct order. I'm like do what you got to do.
Speaker 2:So they put me in the hole and I had to see the parole board again and they said you know why would you? Why what the hell's the matter with you? Why would you not leave? And I said if I, if I talk to you and I tell you, are you going to listen? Are you listening to me? He said I'm listening, I'm hearing you. And everybody's staring at me. I'll never forget it. Looking at me like I am stupid, beyond stupid. You know what I mean. Like you got paroled and you're sitting here in front of us again because you wouldn't leave. Like how dumb is that Right?
Speaker 2:So I said look, I didn't do so great with first half of my life. People, I'm going to admit that I didn't make the best choices. I get that. I've been here now for over three years. I'm not digging it and I don't feel like you all make the best choices in here either. So I want to be able to get out and do right and make good choices for myself and make a better life for myself.
Speaker 2:And you're trying to put me right back where I came from. You're telling me don't hang around these people, don't be around addicts, don't be around felons, but let me send you to live with them. Like that's not cool, that's not OK, and I'm not doing it. And he was like oh shit, like I get it, I get what you're saying. He said are you scared? Are you scared to be put out with those people? I said I am scared, I'm going to fucking kill myself. Is what I'm scared of. I cannot go back to that lifestyle. I just can't and I'm not going to. And he said well, I hear what you're saying, but you're not leaving me any choice. You know you're going to have to finish your time and then and then I'll parole you out.
Speaker 2:I was like OK, so I had to go back to Mac, start all over Now. By that time I'm already in minimum security, right. So I got to go back, start all over from Mac ground up. I'm just like be back, you know, confine like the whole thing all over again, which sucked, but I felt like it was the right decision for me, you know, and I mean they just thought I was ridiculous for doing that, but I feel like it probably saved my life.
Speaker 2:So when I got out, when I finally finished all my time I had to, I paroled with someone that I grew up with. They were actually bikers, but not not the ones that I hadn't been dealing with before. They were, they were the good ones and they said you know, come live with us. And I did, and they came and got me and it was tough because my first parole officer was a real dickhead and he saw that I was living with bikers and he just made it difficult and hard and all of those things. And I'm trying not to be an asshole, but you got to kind of still remember my mindset. I just I'm. I already was kind of an asshole and now I just did three and a half years in prison. I'm really kind of an asshole now.
Speaker 3:So you just turn up the dial a little bit.
Speaker 2:Yeah. So I'm trying to be, you know, asking him what his problem like, what is your major malfunction Like? I'm out here trying to do good. I was lucky enough to get reassigned and get a different parole officer, and thank goodness I did because he was pretty cool. I didn't have a car, I didn't have transportation, I was hitchhiking once a week to my prolapser office. So when I hear people say you know, poor me, I don't have this, I don't have that, I don't have a car, I don't, I can't do that, I can't get here. Shut up, shut up. You know what I'm saying. Just shut up.
Speaker 2:You do what you have to do when you have to do it, and and you can whine and you can complain and you can victim all day long. Facts are, you're either going to do it or you're not, and the one you have to blame is yourself, right? So I got through it, lou got through it. All came out of it. I'm not saying it was all roses, it was hard. I had nothing. I didn't have anything. I didn't even have underwear that fit me. I had zero. I had nothing Like I started with nothing. They gave me $200 when they paroled me out and I went and bought some clothes. I didn't have shoes that fit, underwear, pants. I had to go into the little room that they had and pick out some clothes to try to fit and I gained a bunch of weight because I'd been in prison for three and a half years. So I went from like 98 pounds to 144 in heartbeat, right. I worked in the kitchen for a while so it was good, good eating. So I had to, you know, find stuff to fit and all that and just relearn life again, like get out and figure out who I was and what am I going to do.
Speaker 2:But while I was in prison I did. I did realize a lot of things and I did realize that nobody belongs there. But that wasn't what I wanted for my life. And I did have skills. I had job skills. I had resume writing skills. I had smarts. I can pass tests. I could do all those things.
Speaker 2:A lot of those women could not and I started helping them with this program called the Empowerment Program. And I started helping when I was in prison, teaching people how to do that kind of stuff write a resume, what questions to answer on a job interview, how to speak you know, not to how to speak when somebody's talking to you, how to look someone in the eye, how to shake someone's hand, like very basic, basic things that I thought were basic, that people honestly don't know. So it was very eye-opening. So I started doing that, you know, way back then, and that's kind of just what I've done all along the way is help people that need help, you know, and you know what you say, right where you're helping people like, do resumes, and like you know how to conduct themselves and interviews.
Speaker 3:Like you know my past yes, tanya Driggins right, she does that now in the state of Florida, right with her nonprofit organization down there now, and what I learned about it, because she did it for kids, but she really is trying to do it for adults. A lot more adults come to her. A lot of adults do not know how to do that. They don't, and I did not know that. It's amazing when you just said that it just brought that up from that interview but she, she still does it right now with our non-profit and that skill is so important.
Speaker 3:Yeah, there's a lot of, especially me, god, I can't, I don't, fuck. Right, I'm like, uh, like you know, I'm probably doing everybody else. See, I can do it, yes, I can do it, or what, this degree with shit, but you know, to get a real paid skill job like you, got to know what to say, how to act, even how to write a resume. Yeah, I'm not going to lie to you, I'm still not the best at it right now. I got to do mine though. Yeah, exactly. So I'm going to ask Ms Driggins to do my resume, because I don't know how to do that shit.
Speaker 2:Right, right to do my breast because I don't know how to do that shit, right, right, but it was very eye-opening. I mean, I was in prison with a grandma, a mom, an aunt and a cousin of a family. So that generational cycle what a whole squad was that? It? Yes, yes, and so you don't. I came, like I said, suburban neighborhood, grow up, mr Rogers area. You know what I'm saying. I didn't grow up like that. So being there and seeing what advantages that I had, that I just fucked off and didn't care about and didn't even appreciate as a child, didn't appreciate at all, wasn't grateful, didn't appreciate, was like, eh, whatever, I'm gonna do my thing. To see it at a different level, in your face was exactly what I needed. It was exactly what I needed to see.
Speaker 3:I got you right. So I assume while you got out you're getting yourself together and then you get married and have a son.
Speaker 2:That came way later, lou. So when I got out I still hadn't dealt with some. I had dealt with a lot. When I was in prison I had. I had dealt with a lot. I had a cellmate in county jail that was very religious, that would read to me out of the Bible every night, which in the beginning I was like could you stop? But I won't get into that whole thing. It did eventually end up helping me and I started doing some things for myself.
Speaker 2:When I was in prison. I started going to the church services. I started going to the NA services. I started helping myself for the benefits, not just to get out of my cell, not just to get the paper signed. I really started going to learn All the groups, all the support groups, all the women's stuff that I could go to, learn all the groups, all the support groups, all the women's stuff that I could go to, all the classes that I could take. I started doing that to better myself, for myself, not for how it was going to look on paper for the court docket. You know what I mean. I didn't really give a shit about that. I knew it was just me versus me. You know what I mean I needed to figure it out.
Speaker 2:And so when I got out I was trying to get a job and I could get jobs. I mean I could get jobs but it was harder. It was harder to have that on your application that you just got out of prison, getting a preschool job not so much going to be a thing. So I started like getting cleaning jobs and things like that, and I would go to meet with someone like do my application. They'd call me and back then it was, you went in for an interview. You know what I mean? It's totally different now, but back then, luckily, everything was face to face and they would be looking at it, look at me and like you know, and it became just a thing where they wanted to hear my story because of the way I looked and I'm like that's happened to me my whole entire life.
Speaker 2:No-transcript, I just quit and guess what? Nobody checked. They do check now. They didn't check right. Then they were like what is the read date? You know what I mean? She looks not.
Speaker 2:And I was well-spoken and I could do an interview. I've been teaching people for two years how to do an interview right, so I'm good I got this, so I just was able to start getting jobs and getting better jobs and getting better jobs and I eventually I eventually did go back to preschool teaching and that was a funny situation and I told the preschool director. I said here's the situation. I have to go somewhere every Wednesday. And she goes, you have to go somewhere every Wednesday. And it was my parole officer, right. And I said I said yes, ma'am, and she said okay, how about this? You work four tens and you're off on Wednesday and we don't have to know where you go. I said beautiful, beautiful.
Speaker 2:It was an all pretty much black preschool that I was teaching at and I loved it, loved it. They let's just be real they needed a white girl and I needed to teach. It was just a match. You know what I mean. It just worked and we joked about it. We knew between us what we were doing. Nobody else had to know. I was good with it. So Wednesdays was my day off. I hitchhiked to, my parole officer, did all that, right.
Speaker 2:So when I went and lived with my friends, they had a friend that came out from where they used to live and him and I ended up getting together Now, keep in mind, from where they used to live and him and I ended up getting together. Now, keep in mind my skill set and my skill level was getting better, my mind frame and mindset around men. I hadn't been around men now in three and a half years. It still wasn't any better. I hadn't had an ability to work on that. Right, you don't have the ability to work on that because you're not around any other than guards. I'm only good with that situation. Some folks have the whole other situation.
Speaker 2:So I got together with someone who was an alcoholic, wasn't right in the head, was abusive, all the things, but appeared to be a completely different type of person just by look. But he was actually worse than what I'd been with, to be honest, and so we were together for a little while. We ended it with I ended it with one of us is going to die here and it ain't going to be me, so I'm out and that's kind of how that ended and I moved on. He didn't move on. Well, I did move on, got together with someone else eventually and him and I were together for quite a long time A different type of relationship. We really did love each other.
Speaker 2:There was definitely some issues with trust and lying and honesty and all those things, and we ended up splitting up and moved and we ended up splitting up and he was coming back and forth, back and forth, back and forth for years and I finally just said I'm not doing this anymore. Pick a side. You know what I mean. We're either married or we're not. I'm a 37 year old now single woman and I'm you're back cheating on me every day, and I'm not, because I'm trying to be married and I'm not going to do this anymore.
Speaker 2:Then we did get divorced, but still it was back and forth, back and forth, and I ended up coming back to Oklahoma for him and I to get back together and the day that I got here I found out that everything he had said was still a lie. He had actually moved somebody out that Friday, put their stuff out on the porch, came and got me. I'm back there on a Tuesday and he's trying to tell me he hadn't been with anybody and had told everybody not to tell me. And this is a small town, right, you know everybody's dying to tell me. So it was just like okay, so same same old thing. You know what I mean? Just lies, lies, lies lies and I left there about a month and I ended up leaving and coming to Oklahoma City and he ended up committing suicide several years later.
Speaker 2:So that sucked and you won't believe this shit, lou, but my first husband actually committed suicide too, back in like 2016 or 17. That's uh, that was two husbands just some crazy shit. Right, we were together for a very long time but still his mom called me the night. It happens that I didn't know who else to call and his mom and I are still like she's a great lady still lover. I was very quiet about what was going on between us. I didn't share a whole lot. He ended up getting married like five or six times and the rest of the people did share how abusive he was. So you know, everybody knows, but I didn't share. His ex-wife that was actually with him the night he committed suicide actually reached out to me not too long ago because she heard me on my podcast and so that was pretty interesting and I had to tell her that wasn't the suicide I was talking about. I actually had two husbands that committed suicide. It's crazy.
Speaker 2:Only me, lou, only me, don't. Oh, I know I had stayed single for quite a long time I think five years maybe and I met my son's dad, and I'm not even going to get into all that crazy. Let's just say that didn't work out. I'm not going to bash my son's dad at all, so it just didn't work out. My son is now. He just turned 13. So he was three and a half when we split up.
Speaker 2:So I have been a single mom for that long and I have really stayed single for that long. I'm not saying there hasn't been something here or there or maybe a some something here or there, but I've not been in a serious, serious, committed. We're doing this relationship and I don't know if it's taken me that long to work on myself because I don't trust myself or I just don't want to deal with the bullshit. I'm not sure what it all is. It's a combination of all of it. I'll leave the combination. It's a combination and I'm just not willing to go backwards. I'm just not willing to go backwards and if, if you got to teach them to carry the bricks, then they're not the one. So you know what I'm saying. Either you're building it together or we ain't building it at all. So that's just where I'm at.
Speaker 2:Life is good, though Lou Life is good. I got a lot of good jobs. I got myself in sales. My main career has been sales throughout my whole life Because you notice, I could talk, so I could be though I have been in sale in and out of people's homes for years, selling. I sold heating and air conditioning. I sold real estate. I've sold flooring, remodel, been been in the home business somehow of sales for years and years you do all that there.
Speaker 3:You have done everything good. You're an amazing mom. You're raising your son. You told a wonderful story. I'm going to wind it down here. I know we're probably not going to get into what I wanted to ask you or what I said before, but one last question I want to get to right. You have Records of Choice podcast now on Spotify. It was on Apple and everything like that.
Speaker 2:Apple, Spotify, all the hosts, yeah.
Speaker 3:Ladies and gentlemen, don't forget, you know what I mean. Not only just subscribe, you have to download. Downloads mean everything. I did not know that. I just discovered when you and I talked my side with youtube, which I, which I'm going to apple too and I didn't know, like, download is much, way more important. Like I, I need the likes and comments and views, but you need to get the downloads. Definitely good for that one. But when you started this podcast, like you know, I mean out of all the stories you've heard and like, no, like how was that right? You know, what was that defining moment? That I'm going to talk to people with struggles and toxic relationships and suicide, like, I want to put this together. I'm going to give the avenue, the platform for people to talk and get these stories out. Like, what was that? What was that defining moment? You say you'll put this together.
Speaker 2:Like I had told you, I'd always helped people along the way, right, it's just something that I've always done. And I decided finally that I was going to get my certification to become a peer recovery support specialist and I did that and that's someone that helps other people, like somebody that has a story of their own, somebody that's been in a mental illness or substance abuse or all of those things and has learned how to navigate it, to help others learn to navigate it and learn those core values of mindset and goals and routines and all of those things resources, courses, life transformation, trauma, certifications I took about seven different ones to get certified so that I felt not just my own past but I also felt some knowledge in the area, because that was important to me. So I did all of that and I did a Tony Robbins course, a mindset mastermind with Tony Robbins, yeah.
Speaker 3:Jeff, there was just talking about that, and it's like a life coach mentor.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and Matthew McConaughey was the one that I took. It was called Road Trip with Matthew McConaughey and I read his book Green Light and I took that. I made everybody at work sit and listen to it, like this is what we're doing, we're doing this for work and y'all are going to come in here and sit and listen to this with me. And they did for a couple hours and I continued the three days of it, listened to it and I woke up in the middle of the night, lou, and said I know what I'm going to do. I absolutely know what I'm going to do. I know the platform I'm going to use, I know how it's going to happen and this is what I'm doing. And that's just what I did.
Speaker 3:It's very successful. It's very good.
Speaker 2:It was literally like I knew I was going to do something forever. I just didn't know exactly what and it just kind of came to me.
Speaker 3:How important is it? I mean, my last question for you is how important out of everything you've been through, how important is this to you?
Speaker 2:Oh my gosh, Liv, heart and soul project Probably the most heart and soul thing I've ever done, and and soul project Probably the most heart and soul thing I've ever done, other than my child, in my entire life. It is so important to me because people need to have a space to not only tell their story but realize that they're not alone. And I had a gentleman on my podcast not too long ago and his story was very raw, very real, real, a lot of mental illness with it, all of that, and I had somebody call me and say, wow, you know what was so crazy about that story? And I said what's that? I see myself in that guy this guy.
Speaker 3:I heard that a couple episodes of mine. Like I didn't recognize something from my story and you know mine's a's like a meat, it was all over the place. But I know exactly what you feel.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and having somebody hear that one little thing that might stick right, the one little thing that sticks to get somebody from rock bottom to rock solid, and just for people to know that they're not alone. Other people struggle with the same things day in and day out, and just to have somewhere to tell their story and realize where they've been, where they've gone to, is huge. And just to be able to share your recovery process with somebody who's still maybe struggling is huge it's just you.
Speaker 3:You are amazing, I'll tell you. I'll tell you this all the time. We talk a lot off the air. I'll tell you right now, ladies and gentlemen, this woman is amazing. Uh, smart, intelligent, beautiful, uh knows what she's doing. You know she got listen. We've all had journeys and I'll tell her this all the time. Like she is special, she got it going on I mean thank you, you're so sweet.
Speaker 3:So we're going to wind this down where I'm going to do my little ending with you. We talked about it earlier. I'm sorry if I didn't take 10 questions. Like on my other podcast, I do my little 15 questions, random questions. We're going to switch it up for you. I'm just going to ask you 10 questions and you can think about it. You know you can answer or not answer, so let's hit it off here. Are you ready, Miss Summers?
Speaker 2:No, you're scaring me, Luke. I don't know.
Speaker 3:It's just your personal opinion. Your answers Okay, you ready, I'm ready. Best advice you ever got.
Speaker 2:Best advice I ever got Pull your head out of your ass. You're the only one that can do you and do it right. What's a luxury? You cannot live without. A luxury I cannot live without coffee.
Speaker 3:You know what? I have to agree with you. I am not gonna lie, I can't. If I get a fuck off, I'm gonna be tripped but yeah, i'mpped.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I'm a simple girl, lou, I'm a simple girl. It's not makeup, it's not clothes, it's freaking coffee.
Speaker 3:What era in history would you like to experience?
Speaker 2:The 50s.
Speaker 3:Really Mm-hmm, mm. Okay, biggest risk you've ever taken. I don't lie, though. It's the choppy boys.
Speaker 2:I don't even know where to go with that. You know, biggest risk I've ever taken.
Speaker 3:You know this is kind of small but kind of big. I used to hitchhike all over the place lou, as a young girl. Yeah, stupid risk that's. That's very dangerous, something you wish you was better at. There's a a few things I would like to do live.
Speaker 2:I think I need to do live a little bit on my show and I'm struggling with that a bit. How's that?
Speaker 3:Okay. Is there a certain music or artist that you could really get hype while you're driving? Tupac, mr Mama Art. Mr Mama Art, I love it.
Speaker 2:I can sing you, dear Mama, all day long.
Speaker 3:What was your first legit job?
Speaker 2:My first legit job, ash. I worked for my friend's parent at their accounting firm when I was about 12 years old.
Speaker 3:She's got a lot going on 11, 12 kids. My dad had told me that he was no longer going to give me any money because he knew what I was doing with it.
Speaker 2:12 years old, she's got a lot going on 11, 12 years old, my dad had told me that he was no longer going to give me any money because he knew what I was doing with it. So if I wanted money I was going to have to get a job, and he thought I wouldn't be able to get a job. So I got a job right there you go. Empathetic.
Speaker 3:I actually like that. I like that.
Speaker 2:What's something you thought was true. But wasn't, boy, that you had to do what you had to make other people happy, that that your goal as a woman was to make other people happy?
Speaker 3:You know what, when I saw this question, I answered it myself.
Speaker 2:What is? What is your answer?
Speaker 3:I thought that the popular vote is back in the day. The popular vote decides the president. It's electoral. Okay, yeah, I'm going to get to the politics thing, because I can talk about that shit all day. I don't like what's going on. Anyway, last question for you If you could add your future self, one question, your future self, what question would that? What would it be? My future self, what would that be? What would it be my future self, what would it be? One question, what question would that be?
Speaker 2:Gosh, I don't know that one, my future self, my past self. I can do that. I don't know my future self. It is a tough one. I guess I might want to know am I following the right path? Am I following the path that I'm supposed to follow? I feel like I am, but if I could ask that in the future and see if that was correct, I would want to do that.
Speaker 3:So we're going to end this right here, but I want you to get the final message, like I always give everybody the final message. Someone who has heard your journey, maybe actually going through it, maybe you might want to come on your podcast and explain their journey, but someone, let's say, like kind of similar to you Everything you've learned over this year. Some wives out there. They know someone like similar to your story. What would you say to that person? What type of words of wisdom would you give?
Speaker 2:Never be afraid to ask for help If you are struggling. There is so many places that you can ask for help. Never be afraid to ask for help If you are struggling. There is so many places that you can ask for help. Never be ashamed, don't feel guilt. We're all in this together. Connection is the opposite of addiction and you need to get yourself connected to get over that addiction.
Speaker 3:Ladies and gentlemen, you heard her, joe, this has been amazing. Like I told you, you're an amazing person. You're probably one of the best people I've met in a long time Genuine, real. It was a pleasure.
Speaker 2:It was an honor for you to be on my podcast that we have and I enjoy you being honest and you being real, you just saying what's on your heart. I appreciate that so much in a person I can't even tell you. And I enjoy that about you and I love what you're doing.
Speaker 3:Thank you so much. Okay, ladies and gentlemen, thank you so much for being here on. Let's Talk About it. I will see you next week.
Speaker 1:I am so grateful that you joined me for this week's episode of Breakfast of Choices. If you're enjoying this podcast, please subscribe, give it five stars and share it to help others find hope and encouragement. The opposite of addiction is connection, and we are all in this together. Of addiction is connection, and we are all in this together. Telling your transformational story can also be an incredible form of healing, so if you would like to share it, I would love to hear it. You can also follow me on social media. I'm your host, jo Summers, and I can't wait to bring you another story next week. Stay with me for more Transformational Thursdays.
