Sexual Liberation

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Transcript

[00:00:37] Yemi: Okay, so we are back and I've decided I want to talk about sexual liberation. I decided to share this on my social media feed a couple of weeks ago and I was pleasantly surprised to have quite a few people share their comments and there was a resounding theme which I will share a little bit later.

[00:01:04] Now why this is featuring on decolonizing trauma, ooft. I know sometimes we feel like colonization is the, reason for a lot of the problems we have in the world and I don't think my research is deep enough to even closely sound credible as to whether that is true or not. But with the people I follow, the research I do, there are people that suggest there are some very tight links because it kind of triggered behavior.

[00:01:35] Now on the premise, this is not the first podcast you're listening to of mine. You will know that I am not in the spirit of blame. of a way of solving things. My approach is compassion, but you know, rebellious curiosity, you know, giving the side eye to any fuckery that is afoot. And I think there's some fuckery afoot when it comes to our sexual liberation.

[00:02:01] I'm going to go deeper than I did in social media because I guess I feel safe and I know that there's a community and a container where it's okay for me to share these things. Why is this even a thought? When I think of the feminist movement, and especially with the stuff that not too long ago went on in America with regards to abortion rights being overturned and the conversation being sparked across the world, I'm really intrigued as to when we, women in particular, kind of had our rights taken away as us being sovereign.

[00:02:41] and autonomous on how we show up sexually. Now, I want to be clear that when I'm talking about sexual liberation, I'm not just talking about the act of sex. I'm talking about everything. I'm talking about the feelings I have. I'm talking about my sexual organs, my reproductive organs, everything that is tied to my sex and the gender that I was assigned at birth.

[00:03:03] But I also want you to know that I'm speaking to the men as well, because I'm going to come in here with a little something, something and tell you that my beautiful fiance and I, Um, started going to sexual therapy probably about a year ago and this was my request. Now before ego or anything else comes in, uh, no, there is nothing wrong in that department.

[00:03:26] Um, probably the most liberated I've ever been in my 40 years of living, which really sparked my curiosity because I found, and I have found during our relationship how it feels like I'm on locking levels. Once again, not just with sexual intercourse or sexual activity, but in my own being. You know, even the part of me that can be in a room on my own and explore myself.

[00:03:56] I cannot believe I am saying these words out loud. This is how repressed, I guess, I am and I think a lot of society are. But going back to the therapy, the conversations we had with the therapist, Jacqueline Heller is her name here in Australia, were really eye opening for me. And it was such a joy and a privilege to be able to do this with my love, to learn the history as to the reason for suppression, um, especially with women, but also the pressure we put on the dick.

[00:04:31] Oh gosh, I cannot believe I'm saying these words. Okay. Um, that is pretty much exactly what she said, or definitely my interpretation of it. So I bring that up because I do not want this to feel like this is just a conversation for men, women, whether you're non binary, wherever you sit on the gender spectrum.

[00:04:50] I'm really curious as to where our liberation sits. Do men feel like they have to act in a certain way? Um, and how do we show up in our bodies? You know, how do I show up on my own? Am I comfortable? Can I have conversations about sexual liberation activity with my teenager? Will I have it with my son? I'm really, really interested in also what religion has done and, and you know, I can go back, I can go back to my teachings and my learnings and the biblical stories.

[00:05:25] And I know there are some of you that will be listening to this and might be clutching your pearls and, um, Really happy you have pearls. But I want you to sit with the discomfort just a bit longer. And especially if you come from a religious background, which I have nothing but love and what I grew up in, is I want you to know that I respect you.

[00:05:44] Um, but I can't remember who said this, but there is a quote that does say intelligence has been able to sit with opposing views. So I really invite you to just sit with this, knowing that I operate from no other place than love. Um, But even with the religious views of sexuality, it really was, for what I remember, we were taught to be modest, you know, closing the legs and, you know, even little kids when, you know, you'd find them playing with themselves, you know, they were definitely chastised.

[00:06:14] When I lived in Nigeria, I mean, you were called all sorts of names, even though now as a mother and I look at children and babies, either my own or others, Exploration of their bodies is just as natural as them say exploring their ears or their toes and then comes in society which has its own view and then obviously we need boundaries, um, consent and just body autonomy.

[00:06:40] It's, it's messy as fuck to be fair even as I speak this all out. But going back to the church that really had us kind of build, not even just the church, but you know, religion, society, just say, especially for women, keep yourself together. You know, I definitely knew I grew up in a generation where boys were given the power to, to own their sexuality.

[00:07:03] I saw it in the clubs. I mean, if you were in a club and you were dancing as a woman, it was highly likely a guy was going to try walk behind you extremely close. And yes, we would be disgusted and yes, we would push away, or if we did a little turn back and we saw we knew them or liked them, then yeah, we might lean back.

[00:07:24] But, it was mainly men who were taking that kind of forward approach. Didn't see many women doing it. And so I'm intrigued. When did men get sexual liberation? And are they actually sexually liberated? Or have they also been told a story that requires deep decolonization on what it looks like for them to be sexually liberated and for them to co create with a partner?

[00:07:56] I truly believe that a lot of our healing really is going to come from decolonizing trauma, like anything traumatic we've experienced, whether in my case and as with millions of people, potentially billions who have experienced some sort of sexual assault or abuse, could it be part of our healing? If we actually just start really looking at things with a different lens, if the trauma of sexual repression, repression, sexual abuse.

[00:08:28] has been responded to with a colonized view of maybe the traditional talk therapy or even sometimes the view that this, you know, people shrug it off and say, well, this happens to everybody and this is just the way it is. My question is, what would it look like to decolonize? You know, when I've seen some of the artists, um, with their music videos, and I remember Nicki Minaj in my time and my goodness, I'm going to show my age now as.

[00:08:57] You know, what was that song, WAP, which I'm not going to say the words out, but I remember when my teenager, who was much younger as a teenager then, had me listen to that song. I didn't know whether to cross my legs or backhand this chick out of my car saying, why are you bringing these kinds of dirty lyrics in here?

[00:09:14] And now I'm sitting down, stroking my chinny chin chin and asking, is that their version of sexual liberation? body autonomy, even though it makes me uncomfortable. So what level of decolonization do I need to undertake to be comfortable? What rule, what spectrum, what law and order, what cultural paradigms do I break when I decide to explore my sexuality?

[00:09:51] Way more than it ever has been. And I'm going to say it here because I seem to have said all the words my mother should never hear me say. I think there's actual power in our sexual liberation. When I've gone off to do events and when I was part of the Tony Robbins Platinum family, I went to Hawaii with a group of people, including my love.

[00:10:13] And you know, they had women dancing. Um, I forget the name of the lady. She's got a show on Netflix. And there were poles involved. I was giving these people the side eye. Like why are you bringing me to where a pole is? That where is my, where is my holy water? So I can sprinkle you people back into the church.

[00:10:38] That's what was going through my mind. But being the curious rebel that I am, I sat with a discomfort, quickly did my sign of the cross, and put on my heels, and I was swinging around. Now, I've got a very dear friend who, when I shared that with her, she looked at me with a similar side eye, saying, well, that's extremely patriarchal.

[00:10:58] And I can see where she's coming from, you know, was that kind of form of expression brought in by the patriarchal model to please them. I actually saw a group of women feeling extremely liberated where there was no need for a partner or a man in this instance, that there was no need for that. This was them exploring how their body moves while hanging onto this pole that allows them to swing and just be, I don't know, one.

[00:11:25] really, really got me curious. And I actually remember getting truly emotional during that process because I'm also moved by music. And I just found myself wanting to move my body in different ways, but being stiff as fuck. And I know, I know that's because there is still trauma stuck in my body, partly from society, partly from abuse.

[00:11:51] So I want to start decolonizing that. Personally, I'm going to start going into somatic work. What does it look like if I'm in a room on my own and I can just dance and explore? When I say explore, don't, don't take it to the way society and possibly colonization has, where we murky it. Ain't nothing wrong with being murky, but that's not this kind of show.

[00:12:14] But the one where I explore what my body wants to do, and then what does that do to my sexual liberation? Okay. I think I've said more than enough, but I'd love to know what this conversation has done for you, what sparked up. And even if you've given me the side eye and there's a little bit of judgment on the premise, you do not hate me or wish me harm, then I want you to share and I'm open.

[00:12:37] I believe we can have these conversations, not agree, but give different views. But also tell me whether this has unlocked something in some, in, you know, some of you other people who have a different view. I really want to know. As always, operating, With love, light, and so looking forward to our collective healing.

[00:12:56] Sawubona.

[00:12:56]