Baby Reindeer

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Transforming cultural trauma through the process of making a documentary with a decolonised lens.

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Transcript

[00:00:34] Yemi: Welcome back. I'm glad you keep coming back. I appreciate you. 

[00:00:38] Baby Reindeer. Now, depending on where you are in the world, this 

[00:00:44] Netflix show, and I use those words deliberately, because it is a Netflix show. It was created to showcase what we're doing. apparently are real life events. I watched, pretty much binge watched this show on Netflix in a short space of time.

[00:01:07] There were periods on some of the episodes that I needed to pause because I was surprised with my trauma response, considering my window of tolerance is more tolerant than it has been in previous years and, you know, half a decade. So I really felt. That this is something I need to get a bit more curious about what is it that is disturbing me so much in this show That has me need to pause because I'm not a fan of trauma porn meaning that just this idea of showing continuous This round of abuse and pain and watching is not something that I actually think we should be doing.

[00:01:53] However, how do we tell stories and have empathy? Question mark. I don't think it has to be through trauma porn. I do think there is a part of the human experience that will need us to hear other people's pain. Firstly, attending to our own, in order to be able to help or support or be an ally. But I'm not a fan of just pushing out people's trauma, whether in creative or verbal ways, for no other reason than to show.

[00:02:22] And that's why I call it a Netflix show, because I'm uncomfortable with many things in how Baby Reindeer was done. Now, we know that bad news sells. We know that there are people, ourselves included, who sometimes want to agitate a cause to bring about more interest, more dialogue, more purchasing. And although I'm not here to start a conversation on this topic.

[00:02:51] The harms or potential goods of capitalism. Um, I was uncomfortable with baby reindeer because I questioned the integrity of the storytellers, the writers, the directors in actually doing the show and releasing it on Netflix. Were there any ethical. processes or procedures and why was Baby Reindeer any different from any other show or documentary that is put on Netflix or other platforms.

[00:03:19] Now, if you haven't watched it, you can still hear me because we can apply this to anything we watch. So for those who don't know, I'm an engineer by first profession, currently doing my PhD in my final year and I am doing this under the School of Education at La Trobe University in Melbourne. Despite never setting foot in the place physically.

[00:03:38] And I am looking at the transformation of cultural trauma through the process of making a documentary with a decolonized lens. I've also been told that my PhD will be some of my worst research ever. I'm pretty confident I'm not meant to say that out loud, but what it means is because I'm only going to go on and do more research in some capacity, I will really have a deeper awareness.

[00:04:05] And therefore, even what I put out as great as it is, and as it will be, I'm only going to get better. But the things I have learned in the process. Of my research and now amalgamating it with the me search I was doing before my PhD is that as a documentary maker, as I go through the editing process, now with a decolonized lens where I am not subjecting my power of having privilege of education over those who have volunteered to be part of my study, I am questioning everything.

[00:04:40] When I speak to my editor and say, can you cut this out? Can you put that, can you zoom into this? I start to think, oh, I'm, I'm, I'm creating this for me and we're in the process of this documentary should I, what's the word? You know, when you need to declare any potential, um, conflicts that you have with the group, whether it is, um, whether it is setting up.

[00:05:10] You know, a business or you engage in someone, but do I need to declare any bias? Of course, you know, wouldn't it be awesome if every film that was made based on facts, even though we put a little line saying, and some scenes have been dramatized, you don't tell us what scenes. Remember, we are already in a world where we, um, are consuming information at a fast rate.

[00:05:34] Social media, as we have seen with, um, Politics and other social issues that people are really making final and lethal decisions based off of what they have heard either in a 10 word tweet in a 10 second clip. So let's not gaslight ourselves. into thinking that the culture of movies and remake and documentaries is not heavily influencing our consciousness, our collective consciousness at that.

[00:06:09] And that was the discomfort I had with Baby Reindeer is I watched it to begin with as people who are retelling stories and my brain thinks it's really smart in separating that this is just people acting and they are just acting the story that they have been told partly One perspective or a few perspectives.

[00:06:30] And so not to take it viscerally when I watch. Not many people do that by the way. There is nothing normal about me. I know some people do and I think it's the reason why we can watch a really harrowing remake of a documentary and go back home that night and sleep pretty well. Because our brain separates and says the only way I'm gonna be able to continue and Functioning well is if I can just tell my brain that these are just actors.

[00:06:58] And so what we tend to do is just disembodied ourselves from feeling anything. So I managed to do that with baby reindeer pretty well. You know, dipping into this really happened to someone too. Okay. They're just acting yummy. You don't need to completely freeze, you know, off line. But when I found out.

[00:07:18] That the main actor, the main protagonist in this, I forget his name, Dunny, Um, was actually the person who most of these things happened to. My brain couldn't comprehend. I went into judgment. Why the hell are you acting out your trauma? Why are you acting it out for everybody to be part of? I'm, I'm confused.

[00:07:43] Why would you do that? And then I paused. Reflection. Are you judging him, Yemi? Who decides how they heal their trauma? The judgment continued. Did he just do this for money? And as those who have watched Baby Reindeer, we know the key woman, the other protagonist, in the show, Martha. People are trying to guess who Martha is in real life.

[00:08:09] The real Martha stands up and goes on a Piers Morgan show, and then there is more judgment from society. And I just watched the whole circus. I watch myself get on and off of this rollercoaster. And then I go back to the Netflix show and say, where was the duty of care in any of this? Is it the responsibility of the producers, the writers, the storytellers, to actually manage and Manage how the world sees it.

[00:08:41] Or is it not? I feel this conversation is very similar to, you know, when lyrics came out from different genres of music that, if people used recklessly, were bloody harming and could get people killed on the street if they just decided to say the words they'd heard in some rap battle. Whose responsibility is it?

[00:08:59] Is it the parent who lets their child listen? Or is it the actual songwriter? These things kept on coming up for me and really getting me to delve deeper as I continued my PhD research. The thing I did like about Baby Reindeer was the complexity of the human story. And naturally, me being who I am, I just wanted to get a little group together and really dissect it.

[00:09:24] And I'm grateful because I've got amazing sisters who we were able to have the conversation with, discord, we disagreed with some things, had insight to others, and thankfully we remain sisters. We didn't cancel each other out. Because we did have different views. Within Baby Reindeer, there were gender identity wars.

[00:09:42] It was really interesting to, you know, have Donnie checking with himself of, you know, what his sexuality was. Did it need a label? Who did he need to declare this to? And what would make him comfortable in owning it? I also wonder whether Baby Reindeer and other things need to give trigger warnings. I know there's a whole school of thought that says trigger warnings actually make people, um, more hyper aroused.

[00:10:11] So what do we do? Just be watching a show and then see a scene? For most, maybe most is a bit intense, but a big chunk of humanity. I'd want to say at least a third who may have experienced any form of sexual abuse be triggered by something with no forewarning. How, how do we figure out whether this is the responsibility of the producers?

[00:10:39] And if that's not going to happen, how do we protect ourselves? When this happens, but we got no forewarning. Because I watched Baby Reindeer because Netflix kept on telling me to. I know, I'm working on it, I'm working on it. And also because it was the talk of the town and it was very well made. Very well made, very creative, very artistic, wonderful stuff, but could we have used that in a better way to have conversations in society about the different layers of the complexity?

[00:11:13] Because the one thing I really want to give Dunny credit for is he acknowledged some of the role he may have played in Martha and his perception of her stalking, his perception of him stalking. No, her stalking him. My goodness. Ah, don't watch this if you don't have to. I also thought about the danger of silence.

[00:11:38] That, that came up for me. Of how much suffering he went through. Then there's mental health issues. Where is our line of grace and duty of care to some people who really appear to have mental health issues and our human tendency to sometimes mock it or absolutely Avoid it at all costs, because we really need that villain.

[00:12:04] We really need that person that we need to tear down in order to make ourselves feel right for what we went through. I then wondered, my role is the audience. This is another big part of my documentary making for my PhD. I want to involve the audience. The audience is the other part of the story. When we create stuff and we put it out, I don't think we can avoid the role of the audience.

[00:12:29] And for those of us that have the privilege to be able to watch shows and pay for subscription, especially in this economy, I need to cancel that shit, but those of us who have the privilege to do it, we just kind of watch it in our individual homes or by ourselves. We then have a conversation or we go and become a keyboard warrior and respond on social media and like that.

[00:12:51] Within a week, seven days, for some people just 24 hours, it's gone. We have moved on to the next. We have ingested a whole heap of complex trauma. Ambiguous grief. And we do not have the time or the capacity to do that because the next thing has stolen our attention. Or we have to go out and make that money to pay the bills.

[00:13:17] It's mind boggling. And then the last part of Baby Reindeer that also caught my attention was there was something heartwarming but also complex for me on the humanising of the perpetrator. Donnie, who is the main protagonist, who is telling the story and acting out the story, really does share some thoughts of humanising Martha, who is stalking him.

[00:13:43] But also really humanizing the, I don't know whether it was a music producer, but someone in, in the industry. Who, and for those who need to pause, I'm about to say something that might activate you or agitate you. But the man who raped him, he, in this Netflix show, he shows elements of humanizing both of them.

[00:14:13] And then, I can't but help, but why did only one go to jail? And the one was the woman, not the man.

[00:14:31] And then, we can be back on that vicious cycle of identity wars. You So Baby Reindeer is a fantastic piece of art in the way it was shot, the stories it was told, the many layers of the human story in existence. But to be left with such heavy responsibility to digest on one's own, in one's own discrete communities, is unfair.

[00:15:05] And I know the world is unfair. But what if we were the ones we were waiting for? We could have dialogue and have discourse. What if institutions of education use that as a means to have dialogue or directors could put their hand up in more responsibility?

[00:15:29] You will take from this what you want to, but I want to know what's come up for you. What can you share? Please do share this with your loved ones. At the moment, I feel like I'm doing this podcast for me and to speak out the things that I don't yet have the opportunity to speak out on stages, where I currently mainly reside in Australia, which is likely to change as I go hybrid between Australia and the US.

[00:15:53] These dialogues are not as forthcoming as I'd like them to be in spaces where we can really shift paradigm and where I know that part of my calling is to navigate these difficult conversations with grace, compassion, humility, and absolute side eye to any fuckery that sees humanity harmed. So I thank you once again for being with me on this journey.

[00:16:18] But start to ask that you help me. You share. Share the podcast. Share your thoughts. Mention my name in rooms where I'm not. And when you're ready, let me know who you are. Because I'm sure there are many things we can co create to contribute to the sustainability of humanity. And one way is by decolonizing our trauma.

[00:16:40] I see you, and I love you.