Ep. 4 A Deeper Dive into a Man's World w/ Stan Jackson

Have you ever wondered what it means to be a man, or wondered about the interplay between pain and identity? Join me and my dear friend Stan Jackson in a candid conversation addressing such critical issues. 

Venturing into deeper waters, we discuss how identifying your purpose can be a safeguard against destructive life patterns and how pain can transform into a potent ministry. We reflect on the significance of having a clear vision, and how this clarity can bolster personal growth. Hear about the power of accountability and how your partners can be instrumental in you realizing your full potential. The critical role of leading your family, the perils of overcompensation, and the role of emotional and spiritual intelligence in mending strained relationships are also part of our insightful dialogue. So, tune in for this heartwarming conversation that aims to uplift, inspire, and enlighten.

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:45

So, look y'all, we're back with another episode of Do the Work with Hermagie Jr. And today, let me tell y'all I have a special guest in store for y'all.

Speaker 2: 0:57

Oh, I love it.

Speaker 1: 1:01

This guest, I have no one other than my man, the vegan king himself. You know, discipleship extraordinaire. Come on, businessman, to the max. Can't take him out of St Louis, but you can't take the St Louis out of him. We got, we got my man who loves to have conversation, a prayer warrior in every might, in every right. Yes, when we love doing life together, we love coconut water, for sure, for sure. I'm talking about, I have my dear friend, my prayer partner. Yes, sir Dan Jackson, y'all All right.

Speaker 2: 1:45

I like that man, this shit, I love it. Let's do that again.

Speaker 1: 1:48

Thank you for having me Harold.

Speaker 2: 1:51

No man, I'll tell you.

Speaker 1: 1:52

I'll tell you in comment I the the worst is that others are seeing me higher than you. Yes sir, yes sir, I appreciate that, yeah.

Speaker 2: 2:00

You know, and I think one of the things with me and Don't Get is that good recognition like that yeah. You know, we always trying to find it in objects. Yeah, but when another man respect another man, a love on another man. A lot of people don't think that you know where I came from. That's awkward, but that's not really awkward in the community that we are in right now. Yeah, because we need to lift each other up, because there's always something trying to pull us back and pull us down.

Speaker 1: 2:23

Yeah, I appreciate that. Thank you, I'm learning to receive it too, because I would always not like that and you know, I was always always like that. I listened to shout out to KB of South Side Rap by podcast, South Side Rap by he and his friend. I mean, they do that. They build each other up.

Speaker 2: 2:41

That's nice. I love that.

Speaker 1: 2:42

And I, like man, like that's something that I really want to do. And, but, like you said, this podcast is for men. Yes, sir, you know, other people are going to watch it.

Speaker 2: 2:51

Women are going to watch it, kids are going to watch it, people are going to watch it and ladies take it and, just like you, do everything, yeah, I can make a little something to something big, if you. I mean in a great way, because that's what God gave you, you know, to us, because we had to balance us out. But you know, if you have a brother or you have a husband and you have a father, whatever it is, take some of this information and that's my old pastor used to say he says eat the meat, speak out the bones?

Speaker 1: 3:21

Yeah, unless you make it some good ramen with that bone broth.

Speaker 2: 3:28

No, the car looks like. How do?

Speaker 1: 3:30

you ever have that. You know that.

Speaker 2: 3:31

Roman yeah, I did. That's back in the day for me.

Speaker 1: 3:35

Yeah, no no, no, not not new. Like, not Not the noodles. I'm talking about authentic ramen. No, like Japanese style.

Speaker 2: 3:43

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure, for sure. They make a bone, yeah, yeah, and they got to let that thing simmer for hours. Got you and tell the marrow yeah, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm on.

Speaker 1: 3:54

But if you, but if you're not eating ramen, you just spit out the bone.

Speaker 2: 3:56

Yeah, that's a man. What you had that?

Speaker 1: 3:59

at.

Speaker 2: 4:00

So true story.

Speaker 1: 4:01

So we not, we're not going on a rabbit trail right now, we still good, a little bit, but this is how we do, okay, this is how we do Okay, because we got time, okay. So I was in, I was up north and I think it was Ottawa, illinois, not Ottawa, maybe it was also Ottawa, I don't know, but I was in this small town and it was called Bash Burger and Sushi House. Okay, my same reaction.

Speaker 1: 4:32

So they were like, hey, we're going to have a, we're going to have a get together at Bash. And I was like, okay, what's that? And then it was like, oh, it's the burger and sushi house. Yeah, it's like burger and sushi house in the Midwest. There's no fresh fish, right yeah?

Speaker 2: 4:44

Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1: 4:44

Like and so. But we went and it was. It was a slamming. So I had one of the soldiers. One of the officers was like hey, you should, I'm going to get me some ramen. You should try to ramen. And I was like I hadn't used before. There's like, no, not top ramen, this is authentic ramen. Homemade noodles broth steaming hot with chicken breasts yeah, cut up. Now I was like, okay, let me try this.

Speaker 1: 5:12

Bro, the flavors are so savory, oh, I bet so savory bed. And the noodles you can the, when you chew them you can tell that they've been homemade. Was your slippery?

Speaker 2: 5:24

I was a little yeah, yeah, I didn't want you know like juice in a day.

Speaker 1: 5:27

It was it was it was a giant bowl too.

Speaker 2: 5:30

I was about to say that you get seconds, or you know. I took it to go oh.

Speaker 1: 5:36

But it was, but it was good. And so my friend, my friend who lives in Mary, and man he he had, he makes Authentic ramen like Japanese style. I love it and, yeah, we're gonna have a ramen night and see, and that's what it is.

Speaker 2: 5:50

Let's, let's, let's feed off of that. So this is our authentic moment. So you, this is a Roman.

Speaker 1: 5:57

Ramen, ramen, burger and joint Podcast video whatever. Yeah, love it. It's authentic moment in the video podcast. Yeah, love it. Now I'm hungry, look so, but we good, yeah, so, yeah. So authentic ramen is the joint. I had some in Chicago too. It was good, but I don't think the noodles was off Authentic like the ones that I had the first time. I don't think they made it by hand, they just bought something. You can do it together.

Speaker 2: 6:29

You say Chicago, right, yeah, well, that's all I had to say. Hey, but the broth was on point though.

Speaker 1: 6:37

Yeah, anyways. So look man, we on that, we on the do the work podcast, so we go talk about doing the work is men for our mental health and our spiritual health, yes, sir, basically so that we can mature and into our purpose and to our freedom and to our legacy. Oh, so what does doing the work mean to you in the context of mental health? Wow so and how, and how has how has this approach helped you Reshape your life as?

Speaker 2: 7:08

far as of all doing the work. You have to recognize that need to be work done. Come on, that's number one, yes. Then you have to recognize that need to have some work done, not on others, but on yourself, mm-hmm. And the second one you have to be committed to doing the work.

Speaker 1: 7:25

So Knowing that that's what doing work means for you. How has those two things helped you reshape your, your walk and doing the work.

Speaker 2: 7:37

How, first of all, the Holy Spirit has have helped me to recognize those two and. How has developed me is it had made me more hungry to see what he put in me, to develop, to do the work and to Exhibit what he wanted me to be. Like him, yeah, and then how I'm I, I could reach out to other people. Yeah, a lot of times that there's a saying your, your pain is your ministry. I.

Speaker 1: 8:04

Don't know man, sometimes I agree with that to an extent, your pain is your mission.

Speaker 2: 8:09

What I mean by that is a lot of things that God take you through or you go through and God brings you out of. And he brought you, which is a testimony. God would get the glory knowing that he put some in you to overcome. That's why he says that you overcome by the testimony yeah, testimonies. So when you are living this life of faith With works, doing the work.

Speaker 2: 8:32

Yeah, it would actually expand so God could get his glory what he put in you, because what the enemy do is trying to blind you and make you doubt who you are. Yes, and if you doubt who you are, how you? Let me just slow that down for a second. Let me, let me rephrase pump the brakes. As a man, the number one thing the enemy is to force to be destructive. Come on, that is our human nature is to be destructive, especially if you are man. And the second thing is to be a man. It's an abuser, yeah, a worldly man, not a god, I was gonna say.

Speaker 1: 9:10

I was gonna say that, I think.

Speaker 2: 9:12

I don't think it's nature.

Speaker 1: 9:14

I think that's what, that's the, that's the, the, what the culture and society portrays man to be, and that's what we end up. That's what most men end up becoming, because that's what's expected of them from society.

Speaker 2: 9:28

But here's. Here's why I'm gonna break that up and I understand. I thank you. My one of my mentors by the name of miles Moro, dr Miles Moro when he says when you don't know a purpose of a thing, you would abuse that thing.

Speaker 1: 9:40

Yeah, and unintentionally too.

Speaker 2: 9:42

So here's the thing when you don't know your purpose in life and the people in your life, yeah, you end up abusing it by default. Yeah, it's like, it's like you misuse it.

Speaker 1: 9:51

It's like if, if I didn't know this was a, was a table, yeah, and I start sitting on it. Yeah, well, you know, you didn't know. No better, I don't know, I didn't know. One told me that this wasn't a chair. Yeah, it held my weight.

Speaker 2: 10:04

Here's the thing as a man was some of the things that we do. When abuse and we do pornography, we do alcohol, we Probably go in, overspend or abuse ourselves to trying to have multiple women and then the society we live in. Let's be honest with you you don't know your identity, so you want other men. I'm just saying all both. That's the real. Do the work right, yeah, but the identity, what God created is if you go back to Adam and Eve and when they was in the garden, what would that Jesus or God said? Was Jesus God say, let us go down and make, yeah, who, me and in whose image? Obvious? Yeah, his image. So if we're not in his image, then what we doing? We go back to the fall again. We're abusing what?

Speaker 1: 10:52

was created we abusing what was created, so look around so so so would you say, the purpose, the reason behind the abuse and destruction is Is not knowing the purpose. It's called ignorance for a reason. Yes, the kingdom of darkness, which I think is why it's important that we identify Very clearly what biblical masculinity and manhood is. Yeah, because if we don't, we will. Where there's no vision, where there is no clarity, we fill in the blank.

Speaker 2: 11:22

The Bible says it. When there's no vision in my people, what?

Speaker 1: 11:24

they perish, they perish.

Speaker 2: 11:26

Yeah, yeah, and that's what that looks like. And if you don't have a clear understanding what you read, the word of God, you just drifting. Yeah, yeah, you're just trying to do with someone else told you to do we. They don't even know what to do and then you know, birds of a feather flock together 100%, 100%.

Speaker 1: 11:43

So so, listen, listen, I, I, I, I agree, yes, so your pain is your ministry. And I heard it this way, and Atlanta, when I was at I lead a men church that the session called men church, and he said a passage. If you said or maybe it was Pastor Kenny, anyway, one of them said that your wife is your blueprint, meaning he was saying you, the Lord will give you a wife, mm-hmm. That prepares you, mm-hmm, for what he has for you most definitely in ministry and life sir, yeah your wife is the blueprint.

Speaker 2: 12:28

She holds you accountable. If it was a golly woman. God fear woman now? No, oh he's. You don't have to be got, you don't have to be got fear she could be the one in the promise about blueprint.

Speaker 1: 12:38

But the victory she's, the blueprint, oh, regardless. Hmm, for instance, I Came into our marriage. Entrepreneur got you. I wasn't always entrepreneurial, but that was just where I was in that season, in that time, in that life, entrepreneur, and I thought that was what God wanted me to do Forever like.

Speaker 1: 13:02

I thought I was gonna be an entrepreneur, business person and make boo-koo money and just have a nice family and go to church and do ministry on site, you know, have a little Bible study here and there. But but when I married my wife, all hell broke loose. Hmm, like my wife will tell you, we had the roughest three years ever.

Speaker 2: 13:26

Yeah, of marriage. You know three. It's a significant number, right?

Speaker 1: 13:29

Yes, yeah, yeah but maybe in four. But I was just trying to be. My point is, life was really difficult when I got married and my pastor at the time was like look, harold, I've counseled over 400 couples. Hmm, hey, none of them dealing with what y'all dealing with? Wow bro and I was just like. Well, that's very comforting.

Speaker 2: 13:54

Right, right, yeah, dude, another counselor.

Speaker 1: 14:00

No, but what he was saying is. He says I believe God has a specific calling anointing in ministry over you guys Because of the warfare.

Speaker 2: 14:07

Yes, yeah, that you're going through and and when I?

Speaker 1: 14:10

when he said that your wife is your blueprint man, I never. If you would have told me when I was in college that I will be counseling men, that I would be Sitting having conversations helping men do the work mentally, yeah, in their lives, yeah, but boy you crazy, yeah Be. I get into the money.

Speaker 2: 14:33

Don't forget other women right.

Speaker 1: 14:36

Yeah, yeah, yeah, get into it. And so what it was? Man, I Never thought that I would be in a split in a in a. I never thought that I would flow prophetically. Hmm, I never needed to. Yeah, I never desired to, mm-hmm I, but I had to. When I married Cassie, when I married Cassandra, my buddy was like dude, like you, flow in the perfect. I'm like no dawg. I married a woman who don't talk to me and I was like Lord, what is she thinking? Why is she mad? Now, god, right, right, yeah, wow. And the Lord is like you did this and that's why she mad and I'm like oh so I go apologize after the Lord shows me.

Speaker 1: 15:18

Yes sir, yes sir.

Speaker 2: 15:19

Through the word of knowledge.

Speaker 1: 15:21

Yeah, yeah yeah, To go and apologize, and so I'm just like man. I had to learn to flow because she wouldn't talk. Wow, I thought I was the only one I really did, yeah, and then stuff started happening to where she's dealing with things and she's expecting me to comfort and counsel you. Better, hire somebody on my own.

Speaker 2: 15:44

Better help. Yeah, it's bringing the best out of you, right, bringing the best out.

Speaker 1: 15:51

And so, but the Lord was showing me your wife is the blueprint which, like you said, your pain is your ministry. Which brings me to this point, man, of a conversation that you and I had that we could talk about here with the audience Is about how God it's not only your spouses that do this, but this is a universal principle the Lord strategically and intentionally places people in your life that rubs up against you. I love it. Yeah, and remember we were talking about that. Yeah, you told me.

Speaker 1: 16:24

If there is a door frame and you're a piece of wood and you got some bumps on you and you can't fit through the door and God starts sending people to sand your rough spots so that you can fit through the door.

Speaker 2: 16:38

He's called you to go through. I mean, I love that when you sat there in prayer one time. Yeah, and how that convicted.

Speaker 1: 16:45

I'm like, why do?

Speaker 2: 16:46

you say that I don't want that saying on me.

Speaker 1: 16:48

I mean but that's true. But it's true, and we have to learn how to be molded into what God wants us to, and it's not it's just you know it's like the part result.

Speaker 2: 16:56

But yeah, y'all love the way you said sandpaper because it's there's some friction there. It's friction and we have to lean into the friction. When you made that statement, it's about the crushing. Yes, and you know when God dealt with me about the trial, tribulation, the testing right, but when he started crushing you and you got to go through just like the wine press, absolutely Any man who might be going through something, and they see this right now, where you thought there's an unbearable or God forgot you. God is intentional, being intentional, and God's been intentional when you think he's unintentional.

Speaker 1: 17:33

Yes, but he's crushing you?

Speaker 2: 17:35

Yes, for a new season, yes, so when you ask that question, that pain point, what that looks like is actually stepping in, walking by faith and then receiving it and accepting it. Yeah, so you can go through it, because when you don't know the word, it'll become very complex in your life when you just religion, Absolutely Dude.

Speaker 1: 17:58

Check this out and when you religion.

Speaker 2: 18:01

You seem like you a mad man, and then you're going to go and find your own antidote, your penacea in a Jagdanyu, or what, or, or.

Speaker 1: 18:12

Some people Addicted to going to church.

Speaker 2: 18:17

Oh, bro, that's the worst, because you only getting that stimuli just for the singing praise, all the title you may be using, because the Bible says give, come around, repentance. Yeah, you could be operating your gives and you come home and be acting like a devil money to Saturday People can get.

Speaker 1: 18:35

Addicted yeah, bro in the church. Oh, I seen you to avoid. Yeah, doing the work.

Speaker 2: 18:40

Yeah, that's required to grow and mature there your first ministry, and your only ministry that's gonna be any, have any true impact, is your house to. As me, as a man of God, and Even if you just a man learning about a God, yeah, your first duty and your responsibility is to lead your family.

Speaker 1: 19:02

Well, yes, yes you lead your family.

Speaker 2: 19:05

You must learn how to lead yourself Well first dude.

Speaker 1: 19:08

I was watching. People send me videos all the time. I never do anything with them. I'm a start, though. So they send me this video with its profit. Got a divorce, whoa? And he said he got a divorce because His marriage was not Above his ministry. Wow.

Speaker 2: 19:35

He said God.

Speaker 1: 19:37

Him to ministry bro not to marriage Bro and. I was like yo. Here's the thing that's dangerous.

Speaker 2: 19:45

That's super day because you, with what people do yeah, actually mean when you don't know any better you overcompensate absolutely. And he was overcompensating for his failure.

Speaker 1: 19:56

Yeah, because this is how it's supposed to go God first, then family, then everything else dude and the book of Timothy I think it's Timothy when they went, when, when the Lord is given the qualifications for eldership and oh, yeah, yeah, for sure. And deacons. He's telling you, bro, you gotta lead your house. Well, first, most definitely, he says it in the way.

Speaker 2: 20:22

How can you stored If you can't store your house? How do you store the church? Or my his kingdom? Come on, bro, how do you really truly minister effectively to his people? Yeah, how can you be the shepherd and lead his sheep? Yeah, how can you truly prophesy when you got bitterness in you? So, bro, I Was let this sit for a second I.

Speaker 1: 20:45

Mean, this is true, it's true, I was so baffled but One by the fact that he believed that and was sharing that with people to, by the people who actually think the same way.

Speaker 2: 21:01

Condone that mess so, so Wow you're. But you know why they did it? Because they in the same boat. Yeah, it's called a responsibility. That's a such thing called emotional intelligence.

Speaker 1: 21:14

We talked about. We talked about emotional intelligence.

Speaker 2: 21:16

And, but there's also such thing called the spiritual intelligence, which is to ask you, and what the Holy Spirit does. It trumps all of that Mm-hmm. And if, if God showed you about you in your marriage that they could have been mended, oh, absolutely, that they could be minute where it was. It is pride and selfishness, yeah, and, and I'm here's the thing, and because I the reason I can speak on this, because I've been married once before and I used to blame them instead of blaming me in that, knowing that I had issues in me that caused them to act out on me.