Ep. 5 Diving Deep into the Role of Prayer and Accountability w/ Stan Jackson

Have you ever wondered how personal transformation begins? How embracing accountability can turn your life around? My dear friend, Stan Jackson, returns to the show to peel back the layers of these intriguing questions. Together, we navigate the journey of self-discovery and growth, unearthing how one’s reaction to issues can be a game-changer. Stan shares his life-altering realization about accountability, particularly in the home, illustrating how it mirrors our own self-image and parenting.

Can the power of prayer alter the course of our lives? I share my thoughts on this profound topic, emphasizing the need for sensitivity to the Holy Spirit in our decision-making. A significant part of this episode delves into the concept of earned leadership, which springs from being a well-rounded leader. Stan and I caution against manipulation tactics in relationships, such as 'buying love', and stress the importance of praying with your partner to strengthen your bond.

Stan's personal journey takes a captivating turn as he recalls a pivotal moment when his wife urged him to include prayer in their daily routine. As he discusses the role of proximity and complacency in his spiritual journey, we shift focus to the importance of intentional commitment to prayer and being accountable to others. Listen as Stan articulates the ripple effect of taking oneself seriously - a transformational move that inspires those around us to rise to the same level. This conversation is a must-listen for anyone seeking to deepen their spiritual journey and personal growth. Tune in, and let's explore the power of prayer and its critical role in shaping our lives.

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:46

All right, man, this episode. We're going to continue the conversation with my man, stan Jackson. He's going to continue to answer some questions. I got form dropped that wisdom. Tell a little bit more about himself and his story during his path to mental wellness and growth. Let's get it Okay. We got to unpack that. So how did God highlight to you what the true issue was, and then how did you do the work to lean into that so that you can grow from it? There's two questions.

Speaker 1: 1:22

The first one is how did the Lord let you know? And then the second one what did you do?

Speaker 2: 1:25

After I got tired of complaining and murmuring and all the things that I didn't see work for me and there was no result. That crushing period in my life showed me that when I finally totally surrendered not just surrendering, but surrender, totally surrender and repentant Come on my repentance, change of mind that's when God start opening and downloading me. Hey, it's not them. They have the issues, but the truth of the matter is how you reacting to this, and it's something in you that I want to bring out of you. Yes, so I can bring something in you to heal you. That's number one. Yes, so when I came to the understanding that, no matter where I go and who I deal with, even to this day, the problem is really not the problem I'm having a problem with, come on.

Speaker 1: 2:12

The problem is me Say that again, the problem isn't really the problem.

Speaker 2: 2:16

When I'm having a problem with the problem with the problem is literally me. How respond to the problem or react to the problem goes back to spiritual intelligence and emotional intelligence. Yeah, yeah, and so when I have an issue, the same male wife have me, my wife have what you call heated fellowship.

Speaker 1: 2:35

We have heated fellowship.

Speaker 2: 2:37

Come on, once we are going back and forth and tidbit and quarreling with one another, the first thing I have to do is recognize Okay, whether she's wrong or I'm I'm right, or rather I'm right and she's wrong. I have to resolve this as the person in the house and say I'm sorry, no matter what the reason. I'm saying I'm sorry because I want to understanding, because I'm always trying to respond, versus I'm trying to listen to her. Come on See, true leadership is listening, not talking.

Speaker 1: 3:06

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 3:07

True man of God is hearing God and listening and then say with us at the Lord, yeah, and then maturely realized that the person who you're connecting with we both is trying to because, think about it, the world's always throwing doors at us. During the day, yeah, absolutely, and then at night it's just trying to get into how the demonic and well, I don't want to. Can I speak?

Speaker 1: 3:26

on it.

Speaker 2: 3:27

Yeah, you know, you got these nightmares and the serious.

Speaker 1: 3:30

try to come at you at night and become wrestlers and poor trees and suckabiz yeah.

Speaker 2: 3:35

You name it. You know all this wicked stuff people don't understand.

Speaker 1: 3:39

Yeah, we talk about it, we'll get it.

Speaker 2: 3:42

But those who know, you know this stuff is real and it's crazy. But it's only crazy because you are thinking fine lightning and you ain't thinking super naturally. But I don't want to go on a rubber trail with that no, no, no go ahead, but when God showed me that I have to come in at the end of the night the Bible talks about that not your wrath, go go down upon.

Speaker 2: 4:03

Don't let the sun go down on your right, right, and you still mad, and I'm still like you know, I'm still trying to justify. I'm right, yeah, but it doesn't matter if I'm right or wrong. It's just. The idea is this is my partner. I want to see where she's at because even if I was in the right, I don't want her to make her feel that someone's wrong with the ideas. I want to have a win-win situation. Come on, we have to have a win-win situation as you gotta lose the fight, citizens citizens.

Speaker 2: 4:35

Citizens, not a civil war in your house. You don't want that, but when you get through it. Because I told you I was married once before, when we got divorced, even if my that ex-wife cheated on me five or six different times, which she did, and I still was trying to go back and trying to mend it and all that, and I cheated on her twice. In the Covenant we break. The covenant breaker doesn't do them what didn't we do. We could talk about that.

Speaker 2: 4:58

Yeah, it still was rolled on me because God helped me accountable. Yes, yeah, man, I don't care where you at in your life, in spiritual matters and in natural matters, god is gonna hold you accountable for your home. Yes, your children, how they respond to react. Your wife, how does she respond as she react. How you pay your tass. Don't pay your tass. Give how you spend your money and how you act in that house and what you allow in your house, mm-hmm.

Speaker 1: 5:28

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 5:28

Yeah, whatever that looks like, you can't let anybody and everybody come in your house. Yeah, or any music or all this stuff that, because that would actually affect the whole house. You want to know why your son want to stay all night sneaking out on your daughter's dressing like little Hoochie.

Speaker 1: 5:44

No, no, no, it's just right right, here is where you gonna look when you talking to them.

Speaker 2: 5:48

So this right here in the middle right, yeah, right there.

Speaker 1: 5:51

So I'm looking at yeah, with a red light.

Speaker 2: 5:53

Oh, that's speaking to the red light.

Speaker 1: 5:55

No, yeah, yeah, so I can feel super configured. Yes, okay.

Speaker 2: 5:59

Everything in your house right now is an image of who you are. No, it's true. It's true. Every person in your house to act out is an image of how you are parenting, because God is your father, yeah, so if you're not acting like the father wants you to act, then you acting out in some other form and then it's gonna Reflect on your, your children and you acting and you asking the question hey, what's wrong? What's wrong? You go to your wife. What's wrong with you, woman? Well, did you have golly love for it? That?

Speaker 1: 6:28

day Listen.

Speaker 2: 6:30

Did you give her the flowers? Are you just thinking? You just making money? That's why I was that, guys, I was making good money, thinking I would give her trips and buy her clothes, but I didn't give her a time of day dude I.

Speaker 1: 6:40

So this is a story that I that I heard yesterday and it was about a wife who Was unmotivated in her home Because she didn't want to. She was paralyzed to do anything. To do anything she. She just felt like she couldn't get up and and clean the house and and the husband was coming home and he was getting upset. She was mentally struggling with depression. Yeah for sure, she was mentally struggling with, you know, depression and anxiety and things like that, and she just was paralyzed.

Speaker 1: 7:14

But he wasn't making any better. He was like, woman like you could like, like why is this house not clean? Why is there no food made? Why is you doing? Like, why are you so lazy? Why, why, why. And so she was. She went to go get therapy and the guy that her therapist was like she's just let's just do one thing, mm-hmm. She says he says what's the most and what's something that's realistic and simple, that you can do. That's, and we just focused on that one thing. She was like I want to clean the kitchen. He's like no, that's too big. Mm-hmm. Picks up the nose. She's like well, I really want to wash the dishes. He's like okay, what was what with that consistent? She's like you know, put them in there. He's like okay, let's load the dishwasher and that's it.

Speaker 1: 7:55

Yeah, and then when we meet again, let me tell, tell me how that went. So she they meet again. She says man, he says how'd it go? She says it was horrible and he says how? So she said I loaded the dishwasher and I felt good. Then I cleaned up the counter felt even better. Then I cleaned the whole kitchen felt great. Then I did some laundry and then I was on the move, I was momentum. After that I cooked dinner. She's like I couldn't believe what I did, the counselor's like. So why was it horrible? She said because my husband came home. And when he came home and he saw all that I'd done, you know what he said? Oh, so he finally did something around the house.

Speaker 2: 8:43

Wow, deflated her too. How often times.

Speaker 1: 8:49

How many men Ignorantly right I mean I was guilty.

Speaker 2: 8:52

I've done that before. Well, I wish you had a little bill, or he would've taken it. Oh yeah, he wouldn't take it. 50. Look, Look, look, look.

Speaker 1: 9:02

Hey look, we've been there. We're all been there, man, We've been there. That's it, that's it, and God he convicts us Because we don't know the battle. And how easy would it have been to just be like, wow, thanks, thanks, babe. I thank you for all that you done. You didn't have to do that, bro.

Speaker 2: 9:20

That's why we have to be consistently prayer, to be sensitive to the spirit, so we know how to communicate to our wives.

Speaker 1: 9:33

Dude, I had a horrible. This guy was a great mentor to me, but he gave me some horrible advice before. I'm not going to say who it is, but you know he'll know if you listen. Did you ever confront?

Speaker 2: 9:44

him about the word of advice.

Speaker 1: 9:46

One time yeah, I did, my wife was not, we were not in agreement and I felt like she should have been doing more, or better or whatever. Godly wife. Like some tracks, get some vibe. This I know you. Oh, it's on Bible tracks. Yeah, yeah, that talks about being a godly wife. And he was like, just put him around the house so she could really she could find, oh no and maybe you know she Pick him up and oh, so we're trying to tell me so, yeah, right, right, right, and I was like brah Brah.

Speaker 1: 10:29

I Wish I had a button on here, brah, that ain't gonna fly in my house, yeah for sure now. Now, on the flip side, I'll tell you a story about when, when, when I was going through my, my pornography addiction, and I was going through counseling and all this stuff, and she was reading books about what to do when your husband has cheated on you with pornography.

Speaker 1: 10:54

What to do when your husband is a liar and you can't trust them. And she reading the book, they sitting around. I'm like man put these books. Nah, I ain't picking that, but I was just like. You know, that's to me, yo, that's manipulation. Yeah, yeah, cuz. If she would have left some tracks around the house about a godly husband, right?

Speaker 1: 11:18

Yo yeah, no, I'm not going. Yeah, and so I. I love how you said we have to be prayerful. I Say all the time, before I'm anything, I'm an intercessor man because I've learned the power of prayer. Yeah, I've learned the power for it because you never. Just because something worked before doesn't mean it'll work again. Yeah, and he has seasons to it and has season, and just because God did something in a certain way doesn't mean he's gonna do it yeah so if I see something familiar, yeah, I know what that is and this is what I did to get forgot to move in this way.

Speaker 1: 11:52

Yeah, he may not do that again, yeah, and so I have to be prayerful and I might be like you know what? Last time she had an attitude, this was wrong, yep, and I'm like, so this is what I'm a nose. Yeah, maybe some completely different holy since. So I have to be sensitive to the Holy Spirit to continually Lead me on how to navigate. I blow it all the time. Yeah, usually the Holy Spirit will let me know after I fail.

Speaker 2: 12:17

You have to fail forward to learn. Yes, you have to fail forward and I you know a lot of John Mills or John Maxwell that I I agree from, but there's a book called a Failing Ford. But here's yeah, yeah. So hey, if you're gonna be a leader, you must read to lead but here's the thing.

Speaker 2: 12:40

Harold, I want to see you know the audience as well as who might be listening, active listening and then just men in the room right now and, yeah, I'm glad to see you because you did this one earlier, so you can't see your face, but you come. But how often times that we pray with our wives, man. I have to pray with my wife and you want to ask.

Speaker 2: 13:02

Let's talk about the importance of that because you're asking me different questions, but that's how I start myself off. Yeah, first Now what I do. I have incorporated every morning and every night to pray with my wife. Yeah, and that helps me to navigate spiritually and emotionally and mentally, and all that encompasses that, because if here's what my wife do, she's expecting for us to pray.

Speaker 2: 13:28

Yeah and when she expecting for us to pray. That gives her some satisfaction. Yeah, it gives me understanding. Yeah, and God comes in because of viruses, where two or three are gathered in his name. Therefore, he in the mist. So that's where I bring my relationship, relationship with God, like Adam and Eve with, like currently, yeah, how me and my wife go before God every morning. Yeah, before we head out into this crazy world, and then, after we get beat up from this crazy, we're gonna go back home. Yeah, before we lay our heads down, bro, she and I pray so I a lot of times.

Speaker 2: 14:02

Let me throw this out what I love about my wife, especially if I have a weak moment. She knows and she can be sensitive to spirit when we have a relationship to pray together. Mm-hmm and when she knows that I'm off or incoherent in some capacity, whether be spiritually or naturally, she get a bless all you she put. And she had no problem putting that bless on my head and pray over me. At one point I used to have a problem with that because I felt I was just too macho, hey.

Speaker 1: 14:28

I'm good, I don't need no prayer.

Speaker 2: 14:30

But it's all about being humble, guys. I mean you have to stay humble and you have to show your wife that you're humble. And then that's when you get more respect from your loved ones, or especially your wife to follow you. Because my question would be I mean, I ask, why should I, if I was, why should your wife follow you? Because you, the man, and you got the title, you a husband. You got the title, you got the money, you got the title, you got the genes, the genetic genes. But why should I follow you and listen to you? So here's the reason why. Here's the answer. People don't do what you say. They do. They every spawn to what you do. Yeah, it's called a law picture. People do not listen to what we say. Her, we can talk all day, but what they're going to do is they see our life outside of this. Yeah, they're going to do what we do. Yeah, it's the law picture it is.

Speaker 1: 15:19

It's earned leadership, earned leadership, you don't? You don't you have positional leadership? Yes, meaning you just going to leave because I'm in this position? Yeah, yeah, I mean, are you just going to do what I say because I'm in this position? For sure, but then you have earned leadership. Earned leadership is a 360 degree leader.

Speaker 2: 15:39

Yeah, I love that yeah.

Speaker 1: 15:41

Because when you are a 360 degree leader, then you've earned the buy in from everyone around you no matter what level. They could be higher than you, lower than you same issue but when you've earned it, then you, you leave from a place of, of of credibility.

Speaker 2: 15:58

And see what we're talking about, guys, right now is the law, principles and laws. You cannot forfeit either one of them. So he said the law. He said buying. There's a search thing called a law of buying. Why do your family connect with you? A lot of times people use money to manipulate, thinking you in it.

Speaker 1: 16:17

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 16:18

Oh, I bought you this big house, I bought you this Lamborghini, I bought you this Bentley.

Speaker 1: 16:21

You love me. Don't you see what I bought? You know yeah.

Speaker 2: 16:24

So that's manipulation, gentlemen, even though you're thinking, you're doing it. See, you're doing a good thing, right?

Speaker 1: 16:30

But you're not doing the right thing. You're not doing the right thing, right? I mean, I mean, this is what it is. You're not doing the right thing, yeah, good.

Speaker 2: 16:37

But but that's what they look like. Let's go back to I don't want to run a rabbit trail because, but this is what it looks like when you say what it takes, when it takes the work, that would what it takes the prayer life. Yeah.

Speaker 1: 16:48

So the submission, so before we, because I want to, I want to, I want to touch on that, but like when you were talking about God showing you, in your previous marriage that it wasn't her, it was you oh it's all me, it's all me. And when God shows you that, what were some of the things that you began to do to to use that to grow you.

Speaker 2: 17:07

To learning to forgive myself and forgive others who I believe, who put me in the situation to make me feel like I was a failure.

Speaker 1: 17:16

That's good. That's good Because we, but that's what it would forgive me Forgiveness.

Speaker 2: 17:21

And here's the thing, gentlemen I'm still working through that. Yeah, Because it's so much to me and the roots got so deep. God still unpacking that so I could be a complete man, yeah, and I'm not for my wife, for my community, but most importantly a servant of Christ.

Speaker 1: 17:38

So I we're talking about marriage right now and you talk about praying with your wife, and that's important, because here's what I've told friends of this that I've talked into when you set that expectation yes, that you're going to pray with your spouse you can't flake on that, no. And here's why, when women have the expectation that y'all going to come together at some point before bed and pray and deal with the issues of the day, it allows her to get through some stuff that she wouldn't normally get through.

Speaker 1: 18:21

And then, if you flake on it, now she's still got all this that she was intending to get out at prayer. But you then went to sleep early and now she got an attitude and you wake up and you, hey, babe, good morning. Yeah for sure, for sure.

Speaker 2: 18:39

For sure, for sure.

Speaker 1: 18:40

And that's how I go, and you like. Oh, somebody woke up on the wrong side of the bed and it's like nah, somebody lied.

Speaker 2: 18:48

Well, speaking of what you just said, if I may actually connect with that being, vulnerable as a man, that's number one thing being vulnerable as a man to open up some things. I have, in the course of that, had to learn that the hard way. What you just said Absolutely me too, and I can relate to that, because if I'm in my stinking thinking cause, I have them stinking thinking as a man of God, as a prophet, stinking thinking.

Speaker 2: 19:15

I'm having a moment of beating myself up. My wife did the very same thing you said and that expectation wasn't there. And then the next morning, god gets me, lets me know that you was wrong for that and that whole day is off. You talk about equal adherency. Here's another thing with the expectation, like you said, she have that trusting now. Yeah, when she's expecting you to be the man. Now, let's pray, yes, cause at one time when my wife didn't see me pray and I tried to touch her in prayer but she said don't pray for me. She would not let me touch you. Treat it, treat it. She would not let me touch you at all. Uh-uh, I'm good, don't need you to pray for me. Hey, you're gonna need to get a prayer life before you touch me. That's true. I'm like why is she on me in prayer? I'm not gonna touch you.

Speaker 1: 20:04

Your body is my body, but it's true, it's true man, and I love the fact about the vulnerability because, as man, we have. When you learn to be vulnerable, you know what it does, and I learned this just by being vulnerable. It's when you learn to be vulnerable you're more teachable.

Speaker 2: 20:21

And that's what it's about. Are you teachable?

Speaker 1: 20:24

man, are you teachable? Because if you're vulnerable enough to share yeah, then you're also vulnerable enough to receive Amen, and that's fact, that's principle.

Speaker 2: 20:35

Yes, here's the thing that it disappointed me. In the body of Christ, you have a lot of men who's gifted and skilled in the body and probably doing a good thing, but not the right thing. And the right thing is a lot of men that I ran into. Out of 100%, I would say 70 to 80%, maybe 85% men that I know right now in a large congregation do not pray with their wives, bro and they very active in the community. Yeah, and these are not just church people, these are kingdom people.

Speaker 1: 21:05

No, dude, my wife convicted the mess out of me, bro, did you what I just said? Yeah, don't pray with their wives because it's easy, it's kingdom, because you get complacent with what is normal, like how do I say this? So it's the complacency because it's oh, here it is the complacency of proximity. Okay, yeah, the complacency of proximity Because you're so close with your wife. You do so much with your wife, you're always around your wife. You don't intentionally think to pray with her. And the Lord convicted when we first started praying the Lord, not the. Well, what was the Lord? Do my wife? But my wife convicted me and you know what she said. She said you pray with them or you pray with me.

Speaker 1: 21:58

Wow, sorry, I had not do with that, but listen, but listen, yeah, right, right. You know what the Lord says what doesn't get scheduled doesn't get done.

Speaker 2: 22:08

Oh, so that is good, because listen in leadership what I teach and I ain't gonna go down and know what I do for a living but we teach people sales and develop leaders and so on and so forth.

Speaker 2: 22:23

But one of the things that I'm reading right now to recruit people for the job that I'm in right now, and what the recruiting look like, is a statement says if you it's not a true commitment till you schedule it first, yes, if it's not on that calendar, come on. It's not a commitment. And you could. That's true, yeah, so you gotta be able to commit, amen.

Speaker 1: 22:43

Because our prayer time is scheduled. Yes, it is, it's literally. I could pull up my it's on the calendar.

Speaker 2: 22:48

No, no, I'm putting it on the calendar, yeah it's on the calendar.

Speaker 1: 22:52

We put it in there it's on the calendar, and then, if I don't answer, the phone her.

Speaker 2: 22:56

Be like why you turn your phone off bro.

Speaker 1: 22:59

I do.

Speaker 2: 23:00

I do.

Speaker 1: 23:01

And listen. Here's another thing before we continue.

Speaker 2: 23:04

Men need other men to hold men accountable. Yes, yes.

Speaker 2: 23:08

Golly men accountable. Yes, because if you don't believe that, when you having a bad day and you're not trying to be a man of God, what the first thing you do? You're gonna hang out with guys at a football game. You're gonna hang out with guys at a basketball game. You're gonna go to the bar because they're holding you accountable in your mess. Oh, come on, that's fact. Come on. So, instead of holding you accountable in your mess, hang out with brothers that keep you out of the mess so you can level up. Come on as the man that God called you to be. Come on For your wife, for your family and, most importantly, for your community.

Speaker 1: 23:36

Yes, and something that I learned is, when you start working on you, the people around you have to rise up to. Yeah, yeah, most definitely so if you got a bunch of guys that don't do right things.

Speaker 2: 23:55

You say Jack legs, yeah, you say it, girl, you're Jack legs, yeah. And then around the blood of Jesus hey, when you if you got a bunch of yes man around you, if you got a bunch of people that's not like really invested into you.

Speaker 1: 24:14

Start taking yourself serious. Yeah, and then the people around you would have to start doing the same.

Speaker 2: 24:19

Yeah, the law is called. That's called a law in a circle.

Speaker 1: 24:21

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 24:22

The law in a circle. But yeah, cause, david. Before winning with Bet Shiba, he had a lot of yes man around him. They should have pointed to my bro, she's married. You know, you should be looking at that back. Matter of fact, why were you calling when you got all these wives over? You don't need this one, yeah.

Speaker 1: 24:35

You know, but he did it anyway, listen, dude. So so, yeah, my wife, she convicted me and and she was right. She was right, of course, and I would be a fool to try to argue, yeah.

Speaker 2: 24:49

Hey, that's where I was taught leadership, and I meant to be an arp.

Speaker 1: 24:53

You know only a fool will argue with the truth, and and so I was like you know what you're right, wow, so. So, when you want to do this, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hold up.

Speaker 2: 25:02

So let's talk about what he just talked about. So this is my prayer partner for sure. Yeah, maybe doing it for almost what? Is it almost a year or six months? No, no, it's been it's dude.

Speaker 1: 25:10

It's going to be almost two years. No way, no, we started in 2000. Are you sure, wow, 22. I thought it was and I didn't know it was that long. This is here. It's like this a year a little over a year. Over a year.

Speaker 2: 25:24

Yeah, but I remember when we first started. But so so what happens, hey guys? Ella and I don't know if I'm going to be seeing this, so she knows when I have my struggles right and we pray together. But, only men can really truly minister to me, and the majority of the time.

Speaker 1: 25:39

That's what we were saying. That's what we were saying, yeah.

Speaker 2: 25:43

So I'm having a moment.

Speaker 1: 25:44

She can't get through with me.

Speaker 2: 25:46

What's wrong with her? I'm good, I'm good. Did you pray with her all today? No, I didn't pray with her all day why do? Y'all didn't pray today. What is he doing? So the next day we pray, and then she hear me praying with you and I come in, are you everything good? And I say yeah, Then she roll back, go without a sleep.

Speaker 1: 26:10

I'm like. I'm like 5.30, 6 o'clock in the morning.

Speaker 2: 26:13

Hey, your wife is watching you, your kids are watching you and other men are watching other men. Come on, yes, do not fool yourself thinking you're getting away with anything, for the Bible says God sees everything. His eyes behold the good and the evil. So stop playing with yourself, and literally stop playing with yourself. I said it.

Speaker 1: 26:38

Yeah, I said it, come on, catch it. Catch it If you know, you know, you know. Stop playing with yourself. And worth it. Hey, listen man. So I wholeheartedly agree with that. I wholeheartedly agree with that because it's important and men need to know how to pray.

Speaker 2: 27:00

Yes.

Speaker 1: 27:01

And men need to know how to pray.