Do The Work with Harold McGhee Jr.
Ep. 7 Triumph Over Adversity: David Simmons' Brave Journey with Mental Health
Brace yourself for an unfiltered tale of resilience and redemption, as we bare our souls with our good friend, David Simmons. David, in an extraordinarily brave act, lays bare his lifelong battle with mental health, a struggle sparked by a traumatic experience when he was only seven. He takes us on a rollercoaster journey of his life, an intimate portrayal of how he grappled with depression, anxiety, isolation, and rejection, yet managed to rise above it all.
In this deeply personal conversation, David underlines the critical role of seeking professional help and putting in the work to conquer these mental health challenges. He highlights the essence of trusting the right people, nurturing healthy relationships, and embracing the support of specialists. David offers invaluable insights on adjusting to life's twists and turns, drawing from biblical narratives to emphasize the importance of purpose and hard work. This episode serves as a beacon of hope and encouragement for those struggling with their mental health, illuminating the path to healing and recovery. Listen in and be inspired by David's compelling narrative of triumph over adversity.
Brace yourself for an unfiltered tale of resilience and redemption, as we bare our souls with our good friend, David Simmons. David, in an extraordinarily brave act, lays bare his lifelong battle with mental health, a struggle sparked by a traumatic experience when he was only seven. He takes us on a rollercoaster journey of his life, an intimate portrayal of how he grappled with depression, anxiety, isolation, and rejection, yet managed to rise above it all.
In this deeply personal conversation, David underlines the critical role of seeking professional help and putting in the work to conquer these mental health challenges. He highlights the essence of trusting the right people, nurturing healthy relationships, and embracing the support of specialists. David offers invaluable insights on adjusting to life's twists and turns, drawing from biblical narratives to emphasize the importance of purpose and hard work. This episode serves as a beacon of hope and encouragement for those struggling with their mental health, illuminating the path to healing and recovery. Listen in and be inspired by David's compelling narrative of triumph over adversity.
Listen y'all. I have the absolute pleasure of spending some time with one of my favorite people, and so I want to introduce him in a very Harold McGee way so that all of the listeners and viewers for Do the Work can know who this wonderful metal god is. So listen, this man that I am sitting next to is a mantle carrion momentum creating, preaching, heaven down preacher, protein shake, drinking, body weight losing picture man and tech junkie. Apostle mandate carrion, my friend, my bro, my covenant prayer partner. Apostle, pastor, photographer, digital graphic designer, father, teacher, david Simmons, come on, give it up, give it up, give it up. Oh, I hope I didn't embarrass you.
Speaker 2:Yep, all the way to here it's fine, I think I should be trying to use to it right now.
Speaker 1:Hey, man, we are here, man, we've celebrated your birthday, which was amazing, by the way. It was fun. It was definitely fun. Your church went all out.
Speaker 2:It did, it was so great.
Speaker 1:It was really great. I thoroughly enjoyed it. It was cool, thoroughly enjoyed it, and we're like the adopted families of Revive Church.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:River's Church. River's Church, river's Church. We were reviving, we were reviving, we were reviving, we were reviving, we were reviving River's Church.
Speaker 2:Yeah, okay.
Speaker 1:That was the let's just jump right into it, man, let's do it. I know personally that you have a great testimony of overcoming some great mental health struggles, yeah, and so I just want to jump right into it. Okay, and what did? You could share a little bit about what you could pick, what mental health struggle that you want to talk about, but what did doing the work? This is the Doing the Work podcast, and so what did doing the work look like for you and that mental health?
Speaker 2:I remember when I so at the age of seven my grandmother died Wow, and at that point I had to grow up to do stuff. So I was in the house when she died, so my grandfather was in denial of her dying, so he kept trying to wake her up and like she's not getting up, and at that point I had to gather like her insurance stuff and contact the family, call the ambulance and all these things. And from that you know the funny thing. I was thinking about this not too long ago. We always say like oh, they're just so grown up for their age.
Speaker 1:And we pride ourselves in that.
Speaker 2:But that really is a trauma response. Yes, it's a trauma response, and so it's like you know, you can be grown for your age and way beyond your years. But that is a trauma response, it really is. I didn't realize that until, you know, in my 20s I was like, wow, this is not okay, this is not normal and this is not known for, like you know.
Speaker 2:So I never had a childhood and so she was my best friend, like she was my ride of die, my grandma, like she was everything to me, and I remember going up to her casket and I was the only one, I think no, everybody's typically going up in tubes yeah, yeah, yeah, and I was the only one. I was like this is so horrible. But after that I began to coddle depression.
Speaker 1:And I didn't know it.
Speaker 2:I didn't know what it was Back then when I was, I saw I come so old. When we were, we were young and not a kid. We were, we were at to depression and mental health was not a primary thing. It wasn't. So, it was there, but no one really focused on it.
Speaker 1:We just called you crazy Literally.
Speaker 2:And so all through school I'm going through trying to be accepted by people, trying to be loved by people. My mom is trying to battle her stuff as well when I'm losing her mom. And then, shortly after that, we have a sister, her sister in my eye, like it's just so many things and mixed with that, school challenges and family challenges, financial challenges, so many things I just I learned how to adapt, and then that was at seven. By the time I got to 16, I was like something's wrong with me.
Speaker 1:Oh, man Like something, something is not right Like trying to like.
Speaker 2:I wanted to buy blackout curtains. I wanted to stay in my room. I was always. I didn't want to eat, I was in bed, or and then I all have bouts where I over ate to compensate.
Speaker 2:You know those feelings and stuff like that with rejection and abandonment, and it was tough, it was really tough to. And so at 16, I came to tell my mom and she hugged me, we embraced. My father Is not in my life and never he was. He was present little bits of time, but not prominent, and so she called him to come over and talk to me and he was like what's wrong with you?
Speaker 1:You just need to eat. Like what's wrong? I can take me to get some food, like just get happy.
Speaker 2:Don't be sad, Just be happy. That's like, that's not how you, that's not how you do it, and I was like you don't understand me. It's like man, what do you mean?
Speaker 1:Like he's cussing me out and I was like all right, I'm just going to get out the car. I'm going to fix it the fastest. I know how. Yeah like come on.
Speaker 2:So. So after that, I remember enrolling into a, an outpatient like youth group, oh nice. So I said, okay, cool, I'll try it, see if it helps. And I remember also like going to church and after a choir, rehearsal at the church. How was that? Cause, even even though here's the thing, through all of what I was going through mentally, I still was going to school. Come on, I still was leading a choir and musicians I mean all kinds of.
Speaker 2:I was still a minister of music. I became a minister of music at the age of 13, over five choirs. So I'm doing all this stuff juggling school, juggling club, juggling all this kind of stuff and still mentally going insane. And so I remember I told I came to church and said, hey, I'll need you all to pray for me because I'm really battling depression and suicide, and suicide and ideation and I need help.
Speaker 2:And they somebody came into me. I never forget this. She said do you think that you should? You know you shouldn't really say those things at church. You know you should keep those things you know to yourself. Those are private things and it's not for the church to know and they're not for the church to help. Oh, this is the church.
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 2:We're supposed to be there and helping, so I was shunned away, but every time I said something I was always shunned like don't say that, it's not really that big of a deal, you'll be fine, and I wasn't. So I went to the support group. The doctor at the time put everybody on well-buttering. That was the number one drug. It's just well-butering and it made you a mummy, yeah. And I was like I'm not taking this, no more. So I told him you got this, I'm not taking this anymore. So I ended up helping everybody else out of the program. Wow.
Speaker 2:Because the doctor was like. He was like well, you know. I said, can I say something? He's like sure. So he sat back and I literally, not unknowingly, counseled these people. So there are cutters, there were all kinds of stuff there. So everybody, they stopped cutting, they graduated out of the program. They've been there forever. Wow, when I came in and I started giving advice through wisdom of Holy Spirit, which I didn't know at the time, they got out. And so after a few months it was only me and him sitting there and I was like, well, I'm not coming back anymore. So I'm good, I'm done too, brother. So yeah, literally. So I said I threw the medication back at him. I was like I'm not doing this.
Speaker 2:So at that point I left, and suicide was still there, and so I tried to kill myself multiple times. Wow, and so that's when I was introduced to the supernatural, unknowingly.
Speaker 2:So I got a car I was 16. I was so happy to get a car. I was like I run off the road. Kind of 16-year-old does that, I'm really sure. So I do that. I tried to steer my car off the road. The angel an angel came and steered it back the other way. Come on Multiple times. I remember taking pills. None of that worked. Hanging my I tried to hang myself. None of that worked.
Speaker 1:Like can I please get out of here Like that's what I want.
Speaker 2:I'm ready to leave. Yes, and at that point, I had to realize that there was something better for me. And so doing the work to answer your question was like I really had to. I believe in Jesus and I also believe in therapy.
Speaker 1:I believe in Jesus, but I also believe in mental health specialists, and so I had to lean into that part of like really leaning into what do I need Help?
Speaker 2:And so my doing the work for me looked like I had to confess I had to say something, I had to speak up to the right people Because I was thinking about the other day which is funny, you asked that question, but I was thinking the other day like there, if we break our foot, we're going to go to a foot doctor.
Speaker 2:If we break you know, if we something with our score, we're going to go to a brain start whatever it may be we go to the right thing, but when it comes to mental health, we want just a friend, and you can't always rely just on a friend to help you, like you have to go to someone who specializes in that. Like there's one central person that can do everything. That's God, but a side of that, he puts people in our lives that can help us, which means we've got to invest into that which means he's going to cost you some money.
Speaker 2:We always look for a cheap way out because the cheap way out could be the crippling way out, so you can't always just rely on like oh, I can talk to somebody for a little cheap, nah you need to invest in your mental health.
Speaker 1:That may, if you want it, all it's fine.
Speaker 2:But so doing the work, I had to confess I had to get around people who actually could say, hey, we're noticing you're retreating, come on, what's going on? Like doing that work looked like just that. Like I had to completely expose my life, my heart, my mind. I had to learn how to be vulnerable, and that's when so when you decide that, that's when God can put healthy relationships in your life to help you navigate through those points. And that's what he did. He staffed my life with people who actually cared, who actually could see me and not just me smiling all the time.
Speaker 2:Because I mastered a smile. Let's say I was perfect, that was good. I was like, hey, how you doing.
Speaker 1:And in my head.
Speaker 2:I'm like how can I kill myself today? Yeah, Sitting in church.
Speaker 1:How can I kill myself today Sitting at school? So many people like that?
Speaker 2:Dude all the time, and so that was my thing, and so when he staffed my life, I was able to move forward from there and that's what doing the work for me, and it was through a supernatural encounter. I was delivered from that, but that's not everybody's story. Yeah, that was a radical night, but that was a night like God if you do not do something, I'm going to find a way to end it all.
Speaker 2:I'll run into the wall, whatever I need to do. And it happened just like that for me. And it's like people will hear this and be like man why can my story be that easy? My story still was not easy. Yes, I have what's radically delivered and radically pulled out of it, but for some people it's going to take you a few years and that's OK. But doing the work means stay consistent, stay, stick in there until it happens. Celebrate the small wins, like those little tiny things, like that's what helped me. And I used to be like no, if it's not something big, I'm not celebrating, but like, ok, david, you went today without suicide ideation, that's a big.
Speaker 1:Thing.
Speaker 2:That's good.
Speaker 1:That's a big thing. Or instead of like four thoughts.
Speaker 2:I had two. That's a celebrate. Like it's still a Mr.
Speaker 1:Progress, this progress, you know it's progress.
Speaker 2:And so it's those little things that help, and so that's what doing the work looks like. It looks like really sticking in there, taking it day by day, not week by week, not month by day by day, sometimes second by second, because you never know what can happen.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and it sounds like what you're saying is, when you do the work you made yourself trust people yes, like, and being vulnerable, you gave people permission to see you for what you were going through. Absolutely Like. This is the facade. Now let me let you in on what's behind the facade. Absolutely, when you see these actions, when you see these, you know little things that I'm doing. I need you to call me out on it, I need you to check on me, I need you to say, hey, what's?
Speaker 2:going on.
Speaker 1:Like you, given people permission to keep you accountable, because something that I don't like. I don't like unsolicited accountability, man, oh man.
Speaker 2:Unsolicited accountability.
Speaker 1:Like who told you you could tell me when I'm out of line and you have no ability and I'm like come on and there's. So I believe, just like unsolicited advice, unsolicited accountability is, I think, just, if not more, detrimental, because you have to be in a place of vulnerability and trust for someone to pour into you at that capacity. And if you haven't given someone that permission to pour into you in that capacity to keep you accountable, then you're really not gaining from their accountability.
Speaker 2:Which means you really have to lean into that, like getting rid of that pride.
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 2:I never realized here, like how pride manifests in so many things, like not even wanting, like for someone to speak well of you, like, and you hate that, that's right. It's like even in his introduction I'm like, oh, I'm still working on that piece, I hate it, but, oh my God, but like it's even that. And then, like, like you mentioned about having people, which means you got to know your triggers, yes, and know what sets you off, and so I remember during that time I was struggling really bad with anxiety, so I would always anxiety, meaning like you're always living in the next.
Speaker 1:You're always there.
Speaker 2:And so that trust piece, which is, I think, what probably a lot of listeners deal with, is like, okay, but if I trust them, what happens? So? Like, are they going to talk about me? Are they going to say something bad about me? We're going to go black my stuff? Like no, like all that anxious fuel that's running through and the reason why that happens? Like, yes, you've, you may have had some negative experiences with people, but that does not mean that you take those negative experiences and expect it from every person that you ever encounter. And I know, please don't listeners, don't log off now. I know that just it's hard to trust people.
Speaker 1:Yes, it really is. It's like you don't go to Taco Bell and they mess up your order, and so you go to KFC expecting the service that you got at Taco.
Speaker 2:Bell yeah, expecting a taco.
Speaker 1:It's the chicken. It's the chicken, like I'm sorry about the service you got there, but we're going to do things different here.
Speaker 2:Like, give us a chance.
Speaker 1:But no, I said this on a previous episode. But there's levels to freedom Absolutely, and the first level is transparency. Transparency is just letting people see you for who you are Absolutely. Then there's vulnerability. Vulnerability is putting transparency in context. So I'm letting you see the real me, but now I'm going to be vulnerable and give you context for why I act and do the things that I do.
Speaker 1:And then, once you get past transparency and vulnerability, then there's accountability. I'm taking what I have, I'm taking my transparency, I'm taking my vulnerability and I'm saying hold it, if you see these triggers, if you see these. Accountability is saying here's how far I can go. I want you to know that so that when you see the flags, you like, look, let's get back over here. And so that's accountability. That's given someone permission to keep you accountable. But then freedom. Freedom is when you have nothing to hide. Freedom is saying I'm being transparent, I'm being vulnerable, I'm being accountable and if you tell my stuff to someone else, I'm gonna trust you enough to think, to expect that you had a good reason to say it.
Speaker 2:And if you did it, I'm gonna trust God enough to convict you so that you don't do it again after that, and that's why the Bible says in James like confess your faults one to another, and we love to say that, but the rest of it says that you may be healed, Healed, come on. And I think some of the greatest healing that we miss out on is because we refuse to give into community and let people in, and I think then like that.
Speaker 2:Confess your faults, which means faults issues. Confess your things and you cannot ask God for friends and community and stuff and then not welcome those things in, because if he's sending them, that means you can be open and be honest with them. Yes, yes and that's why you should not invest into any friendship if you have not healed from your previous ones. And if you don't, then you'll always project that.
Speaker 2:Yes, all that stuff that happened before on someone else who actually holds the keys to your freedom, and you'll miss out because all you want is like you're gonna be just like them and you're triggered and don't say anything.
Speaker 2:So I used to have words and phrases that would, by the way, I remember, like old friends I would have. They would say things like man, you're just so stupid, I don't want to be around anymore. And then the next day it would come back around. I'm like okay, I accept you back, it's right. And like what kind of insanity is. And you know, and the thing is, there often comes I would put blame somebody else for those things. Yes, but in reality, if I keep letting them back around, that's actually something wrong with me. That's right. My value, I don't see enough of like I can't have another friend. So I got to just deal with this, yes, and it's okay. But those trigger words someone say and I'm like why am I acting? Why am I jittery? Why do I want to retreat? Why am I?
Speaker 1:ready to go home.
Speaker 2:Like oh, I'm triggered. Yes, there's something about that phrase that took me back to a moment that I'm not healed from. Yes, and we got to learn our triggers and know what ticks us and know what bothers us and be open and say hey, I'm feeling something and let's talk about it and in that moment, while you're already there, go ahead and knock it out.
Speaker 1:Yeah, because.
Speaker 2:I'm telling you, this thing is a whirlwind and if you don't grab it, it will grab you and those thoughts. I would sit there and just like all night I would never go to sleep. I remember going days and weeks with like 15 minutes of sleep and learned to function after that, that's before energy drinks were like even a prominent thing.
Speaker 1:You said something so rich there. We learned to function in our dysfunction Absolutely, because our dysfunction becomes comfort, yep, and we're used to not resting, not sleeping, not trusting, so that when the Lord puts us in situations and circumstances and community, where that is possible, we fight it because it's uncomfortable.
Speaker 2:And we praise people that can function off of you hours of sleep. Yes, and that's like oh, you can do that and you only serve 30 minutes. Wow, you are so great, yes, no, you are dysfunctional, yes. And so we got to learn how to start respectfully calling things out calling them for what it is. And if it's there like, hey, you may need to go seek some help.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:If you're not like, I can fuck you up. No, you probably need to go get, and there's nothing wrong with that. There's nothing wrong with that.
Speaker 1:There's a book that I read called the Bible. The Bible.
Speaker 2:I read that one too. I read that one too.
Speaker 1:But the Body Keeps Score Absolutely. It's up there.
Speaker 2:It's the books up behind the hand. That's right there. It's my favorite, the.
Speaker 1:Body Keeps Score, and it does. I remember when I was in high school I was working three jobs in high school Me too that's crazy Insane High school and I was delivering papers in the morning. I've always been an early bird. I was delivering papers before school, dang, I would go to school and then I was in a work program where I left half the day to go work at a law office downtown and then, from 6 to 6, 6 pm to 6 am, I worked in a warehouse. Jesus Christ, yes. And so I was functioning because at a young age I had to support my parents and my little brother.
Speaker 1:And so I did that. One day I was at the law firm and I passed out in the records room Wow, and they thought I was unconscious. I was asleep. Wow, my body said you are going to sleep sometime. I was gone, wow, and they checked my pulse, they checked me and they was like he's snoring. They left me there. I woke up. I slept for like six hours. Wow, way past my shift. Wow, I was late for my other job, oh God. And they were just like you were asleep and we were like we just felt like we needed to let you rest and I was just like, nah, y'all, they made me late. I better not lose my other job. We mad now, but the body keeps going. Man, I was running, running, running. I was only like 16, 17 years old and thinking I got all my life to go to sleep. Yeah, I'm good, I got the rest of my life Passed out. My body was like nah, bro, nah.
Speaker 2:That's so hard, dude, and I think something you mentioned was really cool about the revolving of the world and I wanted to make mention of that, like how we put like all our dysfunction and make that our world. Come on, and we learned how to revolve around it. And just because something has been there for a long time, does that mean we create realities around that thing? And I think that is a struggle. We learn how to adapt versus learning how we can adjust to like okay, I don't have to adapt to this, but I can adjust to this. Okay, maybe it's right now, but I'm not going to adapt my entire life around that one thing.
Speaker 2:So, yes, I may be going through depression, but I refuse to say I'm going to be depressed for the rest of my life, that means I have adapted to where I'm at, or if I deal with anxiety. Okay, I may be dealing with anxiety now, but I'm not for the rest of my life, and we talk about like how work, curses and things that we were given to or were covenants, agreements, and if a doctor says you're going to deal with this for the rest of your life, I was like no.
Speaker 1:I'm not. I don't see that. No, I don't.
Speaker 2:So I think I'm telling what y'all need to know, what's going on right now, but doing the work is. I keep mentioning about the health stuff and I used to be 353 pounds and now I'm a good 203 body weight urchin. But my doctor said hey, if you don't get this under control, you're going to die. And so I can say all right, cool, you know what. Might as well go out eating what I want to anyway.
Speaker 1:I'm fine.
Speaker 2:Or I can say I don't want my 10 year old baby girl to bury me, and so I could choose to live for a reason and live on purpose. Or I could choose to live just in my contentment, because I love my food.
Speaker 1:No.
Speaker 2:So doing the work is. I got to put in work and I got to tell myself, no, I got to stop doing that.
Speaker 1:I got to say hey you want to go?
Speaker 2:No, I can't go there today.
Speaker 1:I got to eat this when I really want to eat this I got to go to the gym, even though I don't want to go to the gym, but those things is doing.
Speaker 2:doing the work looks like putting yourself first and not your cravings first, not?
Speaker 1:your desires.
Speaker 2:So I have to put myself first what means I have to value my future and not value just what I want right now.
Speaker 1:Man To me. What I heard was I could either be David the king or I could be Hezekiah. Absolutely, absolutely. David says. I've seen Nathan came to him, said bro, it's you, yep.
Speaker 2:You need to get this together.
Speaker 1:Absolutely. And David says Lord, you can take everything away except your Holy Spirit, because I'm going to get this right, absolutely, absolutely. And he got it right. And what David didn't realize was that the lineage of Jesus was coming through him Absolutely, and he had to do the work.
Speaker 2:So that the Messiah could be born through him. Yes, sir.
Speaker 1:Whereas Hezekiah, this man, said at least there be peace in my day. Forget the kids, Forget all of it. Yeah, man, he says. Look, he says the prophet told Hezekiah man, you didn't show the enemies all that you have, and now your kingdom will be destroyed for the next generation. And this man was like look, at least there be peace in my day. Yep, and it's so bad Kids got to deal with this. I do, man, that's right. So, man, that's amazing. That's amazing man.